I have terrible news, guys.
The ABC app is going away.
That means ESPN 8 is going away, a 24/7 channel I've waxed rhapsodically about in this space before that showcases only the weird sports that are a part of a obscure-sports ESPN programming bloc a few times a year.
No more lawnmower races! No more axe throwing championships! No more Tetris titles! No more three-team soccer ... or, at least not on demand.
The last day of the ABC app is September 24th. A mere six days, as of this writing.
I should point out that the statement announcing the app's closure gives a ton of options for continuing to watch the programming people use the app for. This notably includes abc.com, which they say will have "streaming channels."
One of those streaming channels could conceivably be ESPN8. But will it? We don't know! I want it promised in blood, and it's straight-up corporate malfeasance that ABC isn't offering that already.
Also, they are shutting down an app in favor of directing people to their website? What year is this?
Looking to squeeze the very last drops of juice out of this lovely fruit, I am watching pillow fighting on The Ocho. That's right, it's a thing, in a boxing ring, featuring a bunch of ex-MMA fighters and other combat sport vets.
I think they are on to something here, or at least something like it, because there's currently no combat sport where you can hit your opponent with a foreign object. A niche is there to be filled! Not sure if pillows are the answer, though. Kind of begs not to be taken seriously. Instead, I think we need to bring back the pugil sticks from American Gladiators.
I am amused at how ESPN displays the rules on the screen. For both men and women, they show that the quarterfinals are one round and the semifinals are two rounds. For the finals, they list the guidelines for men and women separately: the men go three rounds of a minute each, with a championship prize of $5k, and the women get three rounds of a minute each, with a championship prize of $5k.
Spot the difference? Me neither. I think it's great the men and women get paid the same, but why list them separately? I think it's because they wanted to really, really underscore that they are paying the men and the women the same. Some might call that virtue signalling.
Next up is cornhole. Boo on that! They show cornhole all the time on the main ESPN networks as filler, and I therefore deem it not obscure enough. Indeed, I would say cornhole is one of two niche sports that have really, really taken off in the last few years, with pickleball being the other. You would think with their burgeoning popularity, you would be able to bet on them, but I can't find either offered at any sportsbook.
This particular competition being broadcast as I write this is the 2022 national collegiate doubles championship. Eight teams are taking place, including two from Oklahoma State and two from tiny Adrian College in Michigan, who apparently is going all in on cornhole in an effort to make a name of themselves in something.
Also represented is another tiny school, Southwestern Christian University of Bethany, Oklahoma, with a student body of a mere 815 students — less than my high school. From the school's Wikipedia page:
"In 2015, disgraced basketball coach Dave Bliss was hired as the head coach at NAIA-member school Southwestern Christian University. Bliss resigned from Southwestern Christian on April 3, 2017, following the airing of the Showtime documentary "Disgraced," which chronicled the cover-up at Baylor University."
This has me wondering if Bliss got any jobs after that? Turn out he did, in 2018, at a Las Vegas high school, but resigned after a year.
I have to admit, so far cornhole isn't grabbing me like other obscure sports do. Which is all the more reason the Ocho needs to stay on the air, so we have more options. Write your Congress representative!
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