Note: the quotes in this article are fictional.
Buffalo @ New England (+4½)
The Bills pulled off a tough 28-25 Thanksgiving Day win over the Lions. Tyler Bass' 45-yard field goal was the game winner, set up by a long Josh Allen pass to Stefon Diggs.
"The Lions were a lot like a bad Thanksgiving turkey," Sean McDermott said. "Surprisingly tough.
"But if we truly want to call ourselves Super Bowl contenders, then we have to play better. Beating the mighty Lions by 3 points won't get you anything, except the ire of your bettors.
"After we beat the Chiefs in Week 6, people were practically handing us the Lombardi Trophy. And as we all know, practically is the only way we're getting our hands on the Lombardi Trophy."
The Vikings outgunned the Patriots 33-26 on Thanksgiving night in Minneapolis. The New England offense racked up over 400 yards of total offense, but the Pats defense had no answer for Kirk Cousins, who passed for 299 yards and 3 touchdowns.
"I'm not one to point fingers," Bill Belichick said, "so I'll just point one ... directly at my defense. They allowed themselves to be embarrassed by Kirk Cousins, in prime time, no less. Everybody knows Kirk never plays lights out with the light on.
"This will be a historic game. It's not often there's a game in which the two teams have combined for seven Super Bowl wins. Actually, I take that back. That is pretty common. It happens anytime we play the Jaguars, Titans, Bengals, Browns, Chargers, Vikings, Lions, Panthers, Falcons, or Cardinals."
Bills win, 28-21.
Pittsburgh @ Atlanta (-1½)
The Steelers forced two turnovers and did just enough on offense to beat the Colts 24-17 on Monday night in Indianapolis. Pittsburgh improved to 4-7, three games behind the Ravens and Bengals in the AFC North.
"We felt confident we could make things uncomfortable for Matt Ryan," Mike Tomlin said. "Once you get him out of the pocket, you've got a better chance of 'catching him' than his receivers."
The Falcons lost 19-13 to the Commanders in Washington. Atlanta dropped to 5-7, but only trails the 5-6 Bucs by a ½-game in the NFC South.
"We rushed for 167 yards," Arthur Smith said. "But we let Washington rush for 178. I would call that a draw. That means the outcome came down to the passing game. And, of course, we took the 'L' in that respect. We're the only team in the league in which 'offensive pass interference' is actually part of our offensive game plan and encouraged by the head coach."
Atlanta wins, 22-17.
Green Bay @ Chicago (+3)
The Eagles gashed the Packers for over 300 yards on the ground in a 40-33 loss to Philly on Sunday night. The Packers fell to 4-8, well behind the NFC North-leading Vikings at 9-2.
"The Eagles found some weaknesses in our defense," Aaron Rodgers said, "and ran with it. Our run defense was laughable, and I'm sure those guys will be embarrassed when they watch the film, especially since it will be titled 'It's Always Run-ny In Philadelphia.'
"To go along with a rib injury I suffered in Philly, I finally confirmed that I've had a broken right thumb. It's been broken since our October 9th game in London. I'm not sure why I kept it a secret, but I think it's important, as a Packers quarterback, to be transparent. Brett Favre took it to another level, because his soul is transparent."
With Justin Fields out with a shoulder injury, the Bears lost 31-10 to the Jets at MetLife Stadium. Trevor Siemian overcame an oblique injury to start for the Bears.
"Trevor was in quite a bit of pain," Matt Eberflus said. "But suddenly, he felt much better. I think that's a testament to the healing power of knowing that Nathan Peterman is behind you on the depth chart. It's surprising that Nathan's still in the league. But he's a very resilient and hard-working player. He hasn't given up hope. But if you're a team that's starting him, then you have given up hope."
Packers win, 20-15.
Jacksonville @ Detroit (-1½)
The Lions lost 28-25 to the visiting Bills on Thanksgiving, as the Detroit defense allowed the Bills to move into game-winning field goal position in just 21 seconds.
"I watched helplessly as that happened," Dan Campbell said. "As did my defense.
"As you know, my motivational skills are legendary. I think my guys would literally run through a brick wall for me. My defense has no resemblance whatsoever to a brick wall."
The Jaguars shocked the Ravens 28-20 in Jacksonville. Trevor Lawrence's 10-yard TD pass to Marvin Jones got the Jags within one, and Lawrence's two-point conversion pass to Zay Jones put Jacksonville ahead to stay.
"Obviously," Doug Pederson said, "the Ravens can't keep up with the Jones.' And apparently, they can't keep up with anyone in the fourth quarter.
"I've vowed to stay aggressive in my play calling. I was the architect of the great 'Philly Special,' so people know I'm not afraid to make a bold play call. If somebody's gonna 'roll the dice' on this team, it will be me. Next year, it will be me and Calvin Ridley."
Lions win, 27-24.
NY Jets @ Minnesota (-3)
The Jets overcame a slow start and vanquished the visiting Bears 31-10. Mike White, starting over the benched Zach Wilson, passed for 315 yards and 3 touchdowns.
"Mike played smart football," Robert Saleh said. "I can always count on him to play within himself, and date women within his age group.
"I like the way our team responded to difficult circumstances. At some point, you have to ask yourself, 'How bad do you want it?' And if you want it really, really bad, you start Zach Wilson at quarterback."
Kirk Cousins passed for 299 yards and 3 touchdowns to power the Vikes to a 33-26 win over the Patriots at US Bank Stadium.
"I couldn't have done it without Justin Jefferson," Cousins said. "I wish he felt the same way about me.
"Justin broke Randy Moss' NFL record for most receiving yards in a receiver's first three seasons. You really have to take your hat off to Justin, or your pants off, if you're Randy."
Vikings win, 23-18.
Washington @ NY Giants (+2½)
The Giants dropped their second straight, falling 28-20 to the Cowboys at AT&T Stadium.
"Could we use some playmakers on offense?" Brian Daboll said. "I think the more specific question is 'Can we get some wide receiver help?' That's a question a therapist would also ask of Odell Beckham, Jr. And even if we signed Odell, would he stick around? What I'm saying is that he may be a 'flight risk.'"
The Commanders rushed for 178 yards to outlast the Falcons 19-13, posting their sixth win in their last seven games.
"We're a dangerous team," Ron Rivera said. "If you're an NFL football team, you don't want to play us. If you're anyone else, you don't want to work for us. Interesting fact: Daniel Snyder calls his crotch the 'front office.'"
Giants win, 24-19.
Tennessee @ Philadelphia (-5½)
The Titans lost 20-16 at home to the Bengals in a rematch of last season's divisional playoff game, also won by Cincinnati.
"Unfortunately," Mike Vrabel said, "we weren't able to avenge that playoff loss. But there's always next time. As they say, 'Revenge is a dish best served eventually.'
"The Bengals shut down Derrick Henry in the run game and dared Ryan Tannehill to beat them. They essentially challenged Ryan to a game of 'Truth or Dare.' Ryan accepted the dare, failed at it, but the Bengals were kind enough to still offer the sad truth, which is 'Ryan can't win the big one.'"
The Eagles beat the visiting Packers 40-33 as Jalen Hurts rushed for 157 yards and passed for 153 and 2 touchdowns. As a team, Philadelphia rushed for 363 yards.
"We were just taking what the defense gave us," Nick Sirianni said. "Ironically, the Packers defense is a 'charity case.'
"A.J. Brown will be facing his former team. I'm sure he will be the focus of the Titans defense. They're goal? To limit his dynamic playmaking ability. That was also the aim of the Titans offense last year."
Eagles win, 26-24.
Denver @ Baltimore (-8½)
The Broncos offensive struggles continued in a demoralizing 23-10 loss to the Panthers in Charlotte. Denver posted only 246 yards of total offense while allowing 185 yards on the ground.
"You probably saw the sideline blowup between Russell Wilson and Mike Purcell," Nathaniel Hackett said. "I not only saw it, I heard it. And I haven't heard that many 'F's' since we reviewed Weeks 1-11 and graded Russell's game-by-game performance.
"But I'll say this about that screaming match: at least it was competitive.
"We used the 'Rams model' of success, in which you trade for a quarterback you think can take you to the Super Bowl. Half of it worked, because although we're not going to win a Super Bowl like the Rams did, we're screwed for the next five years, like the Rams, for giving up so much in the trade."
The Ravens surrendered a late TD and 2-point conversion to the Jaguars and lost 28-27. The win knocked Baltimore out of sole possession of the AFC North lead. The Ravens and Bengals are tied atop the division at 7-4.
"We've got to do something about blowing these late leads," John Harbaugh said. "In other words, we've got to put the 'fix' in 'asphyxiate.'
"We also need to refrain from using the term 'eat dick.' Especially on Twitter. Lamar Jackson should know better. Now, if he wants to 'eat dick' behind closed doors, that's his prerogative."
Ravens win, 23-16.
Cleveland @ Houston (+7)
The Browns beat the visiting Broncos 23-17 in overtime, as Nick Chubb's three-yard run with 19 second left in overtime gave Cleveland their fourth win of the year.
"Jacoby Brissette has really done a great job while we waited for Deshaun Watson to serve his suspension," Kevin Stefanski. "With that in mind, I think we all should join Deshaun and ask everyone to give Jacoby a 'hand.'
"Deshaun will be starting against his former team. This should be no problem for Deshaun, because he's had his share of awkward encounters."
The Dolphins blasted the Texans 30-15 at Hard Rock Stadium. Miami sacked Kyle Allen 5 times and intercepted him twice.
"We were expecting Kyle to give us more than Davis Mills," Lovie Smith said. "And he did — more of the same.
"I expect our fans to be pretty vocal when Watson returns to Houston. They typically don't tolerate scumbags here in Houston like they do cheaters."
Browns win, 24-20.
Seattle @ L.A. Rams (+7½)
The Seahawks fell 40-34 in overtime at home to the Raiders, who won on Josh Jacobs' 86-yard TD run with 4:20 left in overtime. Seattle is 6-5, a game behind the 49ers in the NFC West.
"We had quite a few defensive breakdowns," Pete Carroll said. "I wish I knew how to fix it, but I'm gonna leave that up to defensive coordinator Clint Hurtt. Me? My DC skills are a bit out of practice. I only know of one way to stop an offense, and that's to put Russell Wilson on it."
The Rams lost 26-10 to the Chiefs in Kansas City. With Matthew Stafford out with a neck injury, Bryce Perkins started for the Rams and passed for only 100 yards.
"We've been decimated by injuries," Sean McVay said. "And it's even affecting our fan base. Many of our fans say it's painful to watch us, and many others are questionable or doubtful to attend games.
"But our best highlight of the Chiefs game was me taking an accidental shoulder to the jaw from one of my own players. But I took it like a champ, which is about the only thing we've taken like a champ this season."
Seattle wins, 24-20.Miami @ San Francisco (-3½)
The Dolphins hammered the Texans 30-15 in South Beach to improve to 8-3. Tua Tagovailoa passed for 299 yards and a TD, while the Miami defense limited Houston to 210 total yards.
"Tua is the best non-right-handed quarterback in the NFL," Mike McDaniel said. "That's not only a back-handed compliment, it's a left-handed compliment.
"I've got nothing but love for the Shanahan family. Mike Shanahan hired me as a coaching intern for the Broncos when I was 22. And look at me now. I mean, really look at me. I look the same as I did then."
San Francisco's defense forced two fumbles in a 13-0 shutout win over the Saints. With Seattle's loss to the Raiders, the 49ers moved into sole possession of first in the NFC West.
"Our defense is dominating," Kyle Shanahan said. "They're a lot like me — they make good offenses look ordinary."
49ers win, 27-21.
Kansas City @ Cincinnati (+2½)
The Chiefs beat the injury-depleted Rams 26-10 in Kansas City as Patrick Mahomes passed for 320 yards and a touchdown, with one interception.
"That game was closer than the score indicated," Andy Reid said. "Also, the Rams are closer to being the worst offense in the league than the score indicated."
Joe Burrow passed for 270 yards and a touchdown, while the Bengals defense stiffened in the red zone, as the visiting Bengals beat the Titans 20-16.
"Ja'Marr Chase is returning to the lineup after recovering from a hip injury," Burrow said, "and we're all elated. He's healthy and it will be a boost to our offense. And who doesn't want a little more hip thrust?"
Bengals win, 28-26.
L.A. Chargers @ Las Vegas (+1½)
The Chargers beat the Cardinals 25-24 at State Farm Stadium, winning on Justin Herbert's two-point conversion pass to Gerald Everett after an Austin Ekeler score.
"Some people say I take too many chances," Brandon Staley said. "To them, I say 'screw you.' I have a 'gambling' problem that the NFL actually encourages. And, I always bet on my own team. Take that, Pete Rose!"
Josh Jacobs 86-yard touchdown run in overtime gave the Raiders a 40-34 win over the Seahawks in Seattle. It was Las Vegas' second consecutive walk-off overtime win.
"That was a long walk-off," Josh McDaniels said. "And speaking of 'long walk offs,' a lot of Raiders fans think I should pair that with a short pier."
Raiders win, 31-27.
Indianapolis @ Dallas (-9½)
The Cowboys rushed for 169 yards, and Dak Prescott threw 2 touchdown passes to Dalton Schultz to lead Dallas to a 28-20 win over the Giants.
"I'm super-excited about the potential of my team," Jerry Jones said. "For me, it's easy to get super-excited, especially with the help. That's a roundabout way of saying 'It's not hard.'
"But you know me, I'm the eternal optimist. I think I'm gonna live forever. And if somehow I do, I still may never see another Cowboys Super Bowl."
The Colts fell behind early, and mistakes and poor clock management in the fourth quarter resulted in a 24-17 loss to the visiting Steelers.
"Look," Jeff Saturday said, "we made a lot of mistakes, in addition to our breakdown in clock management. So, I can't blame mismanagement for everything. Heck, it's how I got my job."
Cowboys win, 26-21.
New Orleans @ Tampa Bay (-3½)
The Buccaneers lost 23-17 in overtime to the Browns in Cleveland. Tampa had two possessions in overtime, but failed to move the ball either time.
"Seventeen points is just not enough," Brady said, "unless it's Super Bowl 42, and you're the Giants."
The Saints lost 13-0 to the 49ers at Levi's Stadium. It was the first time the Saints had been shutout since 2001. New Orleans is 4-8, tied for the Panthers for last in the NFC South.
"One thing's for certain," Dennis Allen said. "I'm officially out of the running for Coach of the Year. And I'm pretty certain I'm out of the running for Coach of the Next Year."
Bucs win, 24-16.
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