Note: the quotes in this article are fictional.
1. Chase Elliott — Elliott led the final 53 laps at Dover and captured the win in the DuraMax Drydene 400, his first victory of the season.
"Now," Elliott said, "all four Hendrick Motorsports drivers have a win. I'm just sad that I was last to the parity."
2. Ross Chastain — Chastain led 86 laps and came home third at Dover.
"I tangled with Martin Truex, Jr. on the final lap," Chastain said. "Martin came out on the losing end of that when he spun out. Martin then gave me a piece of his mind, which was good, because I actually enjoy 'picking the brain' of my older, more experienced competitors."
3. Kyle Busch — Busch, while leading, pitted under green on lap 322. Unfortunately, a caution flew seconds later, costing Busch the lead and track position. He recovered to finish 7th.
"There's nothing I can do about that," Busch said, "except continue to live by the good old Kyle Busch motto: 'When the going gets tough, Kyle Busch starts complaining.'"
4. Ryan Blaney — Blaney finished 26th at Dover, only his second result outside the top 20 this season.
"Bill Elliott, Bobby Labonte, and Richard Petty will be in the FOX Sports booth next week at Darlington," Blaney said. "That's NASCAR royalty right there. Now, they won't all be in the booth at the same time, mind you. That would make the booth 'royally skewed.'"
5. Alex Bowman — Bowman finished 5th at Dover, posting his third top-five of the season.
"Denny Hamlin is really struggling this season," Bowman said. "But we all know Denny as one of the most determined drivers in the game. He'll do whatever it takes to make a comeback. I mean, he'll drive the wheels off his car if he has to."
6. Joey Logano — Logano finished 29th at Dover, four laps down.
"It was just an overall bad day for Penske Racing," Logano said. "I was four laps down. Ryan Blaney was three laps down, and Austin Cindric was 309 laps down. So basically, lead-lap cars ran circles around us all day."
7. William Byron — After wrecking in Saturday's practice, Byron was forced to go to a backup car and struggled to a 22nd at Dover.
"It's always hard to get a backup car up to speed," Byron said. "In fact, we put the 'back' in 'backup.'"
8. Kyle Larson — Larson blew two tires on lap 156 and fell a lap down, but came back strong to post a 6th at Dover.
"And speaking of 'unexpected releases of air,'" Larson said, "Dover's Monster Beef and Cheddar Sandwich is really gastro-intestinally infamous.
"And speaking of 'unexpected releases of liquid,' the 'DuraMax Drudene 400' sounds like a description of a bulk value package of super-absorbent adult diapers."
9. Martin Truex, Jr. — Truex finished 12th at Dover, falling down the order when his battle for 3rd with Ross Chastain sent Truex spinning.
"I had words with Chastain after the race," Truex said. "Actually, just two words. And there were seven letters total in those two words. It's not what you think. Those two words were 're' and 'venge.'"
10. Kevin Harvick — Harvick finished 9th in the DuraMax Drydene 400 at Dover.
"Hunt Brothers Pizza was my primary sponsor for the Dover race," Harvick said. "I've had a long-standing relationship with them. 'They've been with me for years,' which is something you can also say about the actual Hunt Brothers Pizza once you've eaten it."
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