* His Professional Career Just Went From "Underwhelming" to "Down Underwhelming" — LaMelo Ball joined the Illawarra Hawks of the Australian National Basketball League. Ball's has proven offensive skills, but lacks a defensive presence, and is as unlikely to defend as his father Lavar is to offend.
* The City of Chicago Scoffs at That "Shooting Percentage" — An estimated 1.5 million fans attended the Toronto Raptors victory parade on Monday, while four people were shot later that day at a rally for the team. Hockey purists lamented that the day fell one bullet short of a "5-hole."
* He Figured He Would Take a Stab at It — O.J. Simpson joined Twitter on Saturday. Upon joining, Simpson vowed to start following "@realkillers."
* King's Ransom, or "Brow" to the King — The Los Angeles Laker acquired Anthony Davis from the New Orleans Pelicans for Lonzo Ball, Josh Hart, Brandon Ingram, and three first-round picks. The Lakers soon after became favorites to win the 2020 NBA championship. In Davis, the Lakers add one of the NBA's premiere centers, while, in Lonzo's father LaVar Ball, they're getting rid of one of the league's premier centers of attention.
* Major Wood-y — Gary Woodland won the U.S. Open at Pebble Beach to win his first major. Woodland was 13 under par, holding off two-time defending champion Brooks Koepka by 3 strokes. Woodland added the U.S. Open hardware to his trophy case, where it overshadowed the other three trophies.
* After He Rearranged His Face, The "Fix" Was In — Tyson Fury demolished Tom Schwarz in the second round to retain the heavyweight lineal title for the fourth time. Given their respective names, it's exactly how you expected the fight to end.
* He Went Long, So Long — Josh McCown, after a career that spanned 17 years and seven teams, retired from the NFL on Monday. McCown will join ESPN as an NFL analyst, so the man who was the "backup plan" for several teams has his own "backup plan."
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