Week 5 Game Balls
Offense — Tom Brady, QB, New England Patriots. Triumphant return from his ridiculous suspension, with 406 yards, 3 touchdowns, and no turnovers.
Defense — Lorenzo Alexander, LB, Buffalo Bills. Six solo tackles, 3 sacks, and a pass deflection. Alexander, who started a total of 16 games in his first 10 seasons, leads the NFL in sacks (7).
Teammate Nickell Robey intercepted 2 passes this week, and returned one of them 41 yards for a touchdown. He and Alexander can split the game ball.
Special Teams — Adam Vinatieri, K, Indianapolis Colts. Made five field goals, four of them beyond 40 yards and two of them over 50.
Rookie — Ezekiel Elliott, RB, Dallas Cowboys. Third consecutive game with over 130 rushing yards. This week he gained 171 yards from scrimmage and scored 2 touchdowns.
Honorable Mentions: TE Greg Olsen, DL Calais Campbell, PR Jamison Crowder
Five Quick Hits
* Apparently this will be the final season for Pittsburgh's hideous bumblebee uniforms. Thank heaven. Even Steeler legend Terry Bradshaw made a point of calling them ugly. They're the worst throwback uniforms in any sport. I don't think I've ever used the word "eyesore" before, in any context, but those uniforms are an eyesore. They are intolerable.
* Houston got blown out this week, but Jadeveon Clowney made 4 tackles for loss, and Whitney Mercilus had five hits on Sam Bradford. Pair those guys with a healthy J.J. Watt next season, and you've got a terrifying defense.
* Julio Jones gained more yards in Week 4 (300) than in his other four games combined (217).
* Philip Rivers this week moved past Hall of Famers Johnny Unitas and Warren Moon on the all-time list for touchdown passes. Passing records don't mean much any more, but those are two pretty big names.
* By the end of the season, Rivers will also surpass John Elway, and might rank as high as 7th all-time, depending on whether he passes Eli Manning and/or gets passed by Ben Roethlisberger.
Time for the Week Five NFL Power Rankings. Brackets indicate previous rank.
1. New England Patriots [1] — A few years ago, they paired tight ends Rob Gronkowski and Aaron Hernandez, and the offense was basically unstoppable. With that personnel, they could run effectively, they could pass, and no one could stop them. With Martellus Bennett and Gronkowski, they can recreate that dynamic.
2. Minnesota Vikings [3] — No Adrian Peterson, no Stefon Diggs, but Sam Bradford is playing efficiently and they have the best defense in the NFL. Marcus Sherels has two punt return TDs.
3. Pittsburgh Steelers [4] — Fourth game this season scoring more than 30 points. No one else in the AFC North has any 30-point games.
4. Denver Broncos [2] — Rookie quarterback Paxton Lynch struggled, but Trevor Siemian should be back next week. Head coach Gary Kubiak was taken to the hospital following Sunday's loss with a complex migraine, which can cause stroke-like symptoms. Kubiak suffered a mini-stroke on the field at halftime of a game in 2013. He'll miss the Broncos' game on Thursday night. Obviously, fans around the league wish Coach Kubiak the best.
5. Atlanta Falcons [10] — They're 4-1, and they've outscored their opponents 175-140. But Atlanta started last season even hotter, opening 5-0 and outscoring opponents 162-112. Maybe I'm being too cautious in their rating here, but if they win at Seattle next week, I swear I'll put them in the top four.
6. Seattle Seahawks [7] — Best defensive third down percentage in the NFL: opponents are 17-of-56 (30%).
7. Buffalo Bills [11] — They're +9 in turnover differential. Only the Vikings (+11) are better.
8. Dallas Cowboys [14] — NFC East teams are 9-4 against non-division opponents. At 4-1, the Cowboys already have as many wins this season as they did all of last year (4-12).
9. Green Bay Packers [5] — They're 3-1, but all three wins against teams with losing records, and all by 7 points or less. They have trouble putting 60 minutes together.
10. Oakland Raiders [12] — 4-1 for the first time since 2002, and their only loss came to the Falcons.
11. Philadelphia Eagles [9] — Out-gained the Lions by over 100 yards, but charged with 14 penalties for 111 yards and 5 Detroit first downs, compared to 2 penalties for 18 yards and no first downs by the Lions.
12. Arizona Cardinals [16] — Punted 9 times and still scored 33 points.
13. Carolina Panthers [8] — Cam Newton should be back next week, which limits their drop in the rankings. The Panthers basically lost on turnovers (-4), which are a little flukey, and not especially predictive — particularly when three of them are committed by a backup quarterback. When you're -4 in turnovers and you lose on a last-second field goal, you played pretty okay the rest of the game.
14. Cincinnati Bengals [6] — In their two wins, A.J. Green caught 22 passes, gained 353 yards, and scored 2 TDs. In their three losses, Green has 14 catches for 165 yards and no TDs. The Bengals desperately need Tyler Eifert back in the lineup to provide a secondary weapon.
15. Houston Texans [13] — Already have a major home/road split, 3-0 at home and 0-2 away. They've only scored 7 TDs this season, fewest of any team, including the six who have already had byes. Brock Osweiler is a disaster. Against Minnesota, he went 19-of-42 for 184 yards, plus 4 sacks for 29 yards, with an interception and a garbage-time touchdown that made it 31-13. Houston went 1/14 on third and fourth downs. The Vikings have a great defense, and backup Brandon Weeden inspires little confidence, but Osweiler is bordering on unplayable.
16. Kansas City Chiefs [15] —
The Chiefs play with power,
They jump to the sky!
You're reading this poem
Because they're on bye!
17. Los Angeles Rams [17] — Todd Gurley has 105 carries for 288 yards, a 2.7 average. It's not his fault. The Rams can't block, and opposing defenses stack the box to stop him, because Case Keenum can't pass and the receivers can't get open.
18. Washington [22] — Won on special teams, getting a 45-yard kickoff return from Will Blackmon and an 85-yard punt return touchdown by Jamison Crowder. Crowder leads the NFL in punt return yards (194) and returns of at least 20 yards (3), with the highest PR average (27.7) of anyone with more than two returns.
19. New York Jets [18] — They weren't going to beat Pittsburgh anyway, but Todd Bowles' conservative coaching is just killing them. From the first drive of the game, when they kicked a 35-yard field goal on 4th-and-1, to the fourth quarter, when they punted from midfield on 4th-and-2 instead of trying to come back, Bowles showed little interest in actually winning the game. This was his worst week, but it's a pattern.
20. Baltimore Ravens [19] — Fired offensive coordinator Marc Trestman. His replacement is quarterbacks coach Marty Mornhinweg. Joe Flacco leads the NFL in pass attempts, and Mornhinweg will probably aim for a more balanced offense.
21. San Diego Chargers [21] — Led in the second half of every game this season. Melvin Gordon leads the NFL in touchdowns (7), but he also has lost a fumble in back-to-back weeks.
22. Detroit Lions [26] — Matthew Stafford passed for 3 TDs, but he only had 180 yards, took 4 sacks, and lost a fumble. Middle linebacker Tahir Whitehead had 10 solo tackles and 2 passes defensed. Whitehead has almost twice as many tackles this season as any of his teammates.
23. New York Giants [23] — I lol-ed when Odell Beckham hugged the kicking net after his touchdown was upheld.
24. Indianapolis Colts [24] — Chicago had a 100-yard rusher, a 100-yard receiver, and a quarterback who passed for 397 yards with 2 TDs and no interceptions. T.Y. Hilton came up big again, but Indianapolis won with special teams. Kicker Adam Vinatieri and punter Pat McAfee both had excellent games.
25. Tennessee Titans [25] — Huge game for Marcus Mariota, with 3 pass TDs, a rush TD, and no sacks or turnovers. Imagine if he played on a team with legit wide receivers. Running back DeMarco Murray leads the Titans in catches, tight end Delanie Walker leads in receiving yards, and they're tied with 35-year-old backup Andre Johnson for the team lead in receiving TDs (2).
26. Tampa Bay Buccaneers [27] — Ugly win.
27. New Orleans Saints [29] — Sunday marked Tom Brady's fourth game with 400 passing yards and no interceptions. The all-time record is nine, by Drew Brees. But here's the crazy thing: the Saints are 5-4 in those nine games. How do you lose when your QB goes off for 400 yards and no interceptions? Since 1960, teams are 53-22 (.707) with a 400-yard passer and no INTs. That's compared to .556 for Brees. I blame the defense, not Drew.
28. Jacksonville Jaguars [28] — Even after the bye, Jacksonville still "leads" the NFL in penalty yards, 392. The Jags are also worst in the league in third down percentage (28%).
29. Miami Dolphins [20] — They're 1-4, and the win was an overtime victory, at home, against Cleveland. Head coach Adam Gase affirmed that Ryan Tannehill is in no danger of losing his starting job, but Tannehill appears to be regressing.
30. Chicago Bears [31] — Brian Hoyer has passed for over 300 yards in every start, completing over 70% of his passes, with 6 TDs and no INTs. He leads the NFL in sack percentage (2.1%), and his passer rating is 108.5. Jay Cutler's rating, through about a game and a half, was 75.7.
31. Cleveland Browns [30] — It's Week 5, and they've already played four quarterbacks. Robert Griffin injured his shoulder. Josh McCown also injured a shoulder. Cody Kessler injured his ribs and missed the last three quarters against New England. Charlie Whitehurst, who was signed three weeks ago, finished the game. At this writing, it appears that Kessler will be healthy enough to start in Week 6.
32. San Francisco 49ers [32] — Blaine Gabbert rushed for 70 yards and a touchdown, but it's hard to understand what they have to lose by playing Colin Kaepernick. Gabbert took 7 sacks on Thursday night, and his passer rating this season is 69.6.
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