Note: the quotes in this article are fictional.
1. Brad Keselowski — Keselowski started 12th and finished third after battling with Martin Truex, Jr. on the final lap at Watkins Glen. Keselowski leads Sprint Cup points standings by 9 over Kevin Harvick.
"I didn't mean to spin Truex," Keselowski said, "so I plan on apologizing to Martin in person in the near future. And, as you would expect for a personal apology to take place, you have to 'make contact.'"
2. Kyle Busch — Busch finished sixth in the Cheez-It 355 at the Glen, posting his 15th top-10 of the year.
"Brad Keselowski and myself were battling so hard for the lead late in the race," Busch said, "that we allowed Denny Hamlin to pass us both for the lead. Finally, something Brad and I can agree on."
3. Kevin Harvick — Harvick's day at Watkins Glen came to a halt six laps from the end when he was involved in a crash with Chris Bueschler and David Ragan. Harvick finished 32nd
"The No. 4 Busch Chevrolet was fast," Harvick said, "but I got collected in a crash that caused serious damage. So, instead of heading to the mountains of Busch, I headed straight to the garage."
4. Denny Hamlin — Hamlin won the Cheez-It 355 at the Glen, holding off a hard-charging Martin Truex, Jr. down the stretch.
"As you may recall," Hamlin said, "I let Tony Stewart win at Sonoma's road course earlier this season. That wasn't going to happen at Watkins Glen, no matter how bad Tony needed a win. What I said to Tony is something someone should have said to him long ago — 'no free lunches.'"
5. Joey Logano — Logano finished second at Watkins Glen, one day after winning Saturday's Xfinity Series race.
"I was so close to completing the weekend sweep," Logano said. "Sadly, it wasn't to be. I couldn't bring the 'broom,' but I did bring the broom handle, which would be my skinny body. But I'll put my abilities up against anyone in this sport. It just goes to show that you can be a heavyweight and a lightweight at the same time."
6. Kurt Busch — Busch finished 11th in the Cheez-It 355, just missing out on his 17th top-10 finish of the year.
"Road course racing really tests your braking ability," Busch said. "You have to know exactly how hard you can brake without causing a mechanical failure. I should know, because I've pushed hundreds of cars, and even more people, to the 'braking' point."
7. Carl Edwards — Edwards started on the pole at Watkins Glen and led 25 laps on his way to a 15th in the Cheez-It 355.
"That's two poles at road courses this season," Edwards said. "That's two more than wins I have at road course races this year. If you give me one lap on a road course to dominate, it most definitely won be the last lap."
8. Martin Truex, Jr. — Truex stalked Denny Hamlin over the closing laps at Watkins Glen before he was spun by Brad Keselowski. Truex finished eighth and is now eighth in the points standings,
"I was initially upset with Brad," Truex said. "You could see that after the race. During the 'cool down' lap, I was hot, and Brad was 'not cool.'
"But I later realized it was just what is known as a 'racing incident.' So, if I happen to wreck Brad sometime later this year, just chalk it up to 'incidental' contact."
9. Jimmie Johnson — Johnson suffered a number of penalties before his day ended abruptly when he slammed into Ricky Stenhouse, Jr.'s spinning No. 17 car in a lap 53 crash.
"It's a day I'd like to forget," Johnson said. "But I think it's a really bad time to wish for 'memory loss.'"
10. Tony Stewart — Stewart took fifth in the Cheez-It 355, posting his fifth top-five of the season. Stewart is 26th in the points standings.
"There were 'Cheez-It' billboards all over the Watkins Glen complex," Stewart said. "And 'Cheez-It' was all over Greg Biffle's No. 16 car. So, like one would expect, a NASCAR race was full of 'crackers.'"
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