Note: the quotes in this article are fictional.
1. Kurt Busch — Busch stretched his fuel mileage at Pocono and came away with the win, his first victory of the year.
"The race was called the 'Axalta We Paint Winners 400,'" Busch said. "At least for me. For 39 other drivers, it was called the 'Axalta We Ain't Winners 400.'"
2. Kevin Harvick — Harvick finished ninth at Pocono, posting his 11th top-10 finish of the year.
"I lead second-place Kurt Busch by a whopping 25 points in the Sprint Cup points standings," Harvick said. "You could say I 'sit' atop the standings, and I'm the only one that can say that. In fact, I've led the points standings for quite a while. So, I've been 'sitting' there for quite a while, so much so that my fellow competitors are often heard referring to me as 'Can't Stand Kevin Harvick.'"
3. Brad Keselowski — Keselowski started on the pole at Pocono and finished third, as Kurt Busch held off Dale Earnhardt, Jr. and Keselowski at the finish.
"I don't appreciate Jeff Gordon's comments during Monday's race," Keselowski said. "I expect Gordon to be impartial. In others words, he should hate everyone else as much as he hates me."
4. Carl Edwards — Edwards finished eighth at Pocono, joining Joe Gibbs Racing teammate Matt Kenseth, who finished seventh, in the top 10.
"I'd rather not finish behind Kenseth," Edwards said. "I'd much rather confront him."
5. Kyle Busch — Busch finished a disappointing 31st at Pocono, 10 laps down, his day hindered by a brush with Pocono's Turn 1 wall. It was his second straight finish outside the top 30.
"I'm in sort of a slump right now," Busch said, "but waiting out the weather delay on Sunday gave me time to reflect on the good things. There's nothing like a little precipitation to remind you that you're the 'raining' champion."
6. Jimmie Johnson — Johnson wrecked late while making an aggressive move to the inside of Casey Mears with 38 laps to go. He slammed the inside wall hard and eventually finished 35th, 35 laps down.
"I checked with my teammate Chase Elliott," Johnson said, "and he verified what I feared: I made a rookie mistake."
7. Joey Logano — Logano started second on the front row beside pole winner and Penske teammate Brad Keselowski and took fifth in the Axalta We Paint Winners 400.
"I'm not sure what Axalta is," Logano said, "or why they would be painting winners. But rest assured, this is NASCAR. If Axalta is indeed painting winners, one color they won't be using is black."
8. Chase Elliott — Elliott recorded his fifth top-five of the year with a fourth at Pocono. He is seventh in the Sprint Cup points standings, 77 out of first.
"I had a chance to win," Elliott said, "but I made an ill-advised attempt to pass Dale Earnhardt, Jr. late in the race. I guess I need to be more patient, but what race car driver worth his salt likes to be asked 'What's your hurry?'"
9. Martin Truex, Jr. — Truex, one of the pre-race favorites, was done in by two mishaps, one on accident on pit road, the other a late flat tire.
"For the single car team," Truex said, "that was you call a 'double whammy.' Which is all much akin to the phrase 'One step forward, two steps back,' which has been the story of my year."
10. Matt Kenseth — Kenseth finished seventh at Pocono, posting his fourth top-10 result in the last four races.
"Kurt Busch surprised everyone with his fuel mileage," Kenseth said. "Does he have a bottomless fuel tank? Who knows? Kurt's theories on government assassins may not hold water, but his tanks certainly hold fuel."
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