* In a Week 7 contest against the Jets, a rusty Tom Brady suffers a helmet-to-helmet hit from New York defensive lineman Sheldon Richardson. While being administered concussion tests on the sidelines, Brady pleads with the medical staff to clear him, saying he's "generally aware."
Despite not having medical clearance to return, Brady refuses to cooperate, and takes the field, lining up at linebacker in the Pats' 4-3 defense. Brady is handed down an illegal substitution penalty, delivered in person by Roger Goodell.
Brady has the last laugh, as the No. 4 seeded Patriots roll through the AFC playoffs, whipping the Steelers at Heinz Field in the AFC Championship.
* Despite discovering that his ginger complexion severely clashes with Seattle's action green team color, Jimmy Graham proves a perfect fit for the Seahawks, grabbing 4 touchdowns in the team's first three games.
After a game-winning TD grab at Arizona in the final game of the regular season, Graham's attempt at a celebratory dunk over the goal post is denied by former NBA shot-blocking great Dikembe Mutombo, who previously had been named "Official Finger-Wagger" by the NFL Rules Committee.
* After leaving Ford Field after a 30-24 win over the Lions, Pete Carroll is accosted by a pair of gun-wielding thugs demanding cash. This time, Carroll wisely decides to run, and high-tails it out of there to safety, catching the team bus in stride.
* The United States Navy, in an effort to distance itself from the controversial "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" policy of yore, hires Marshawn Lynch as spokesperson, and the Navy's new "Thanks For Asking" policy is born.
Lynch rushes for 1,299 yards and 12 touchdowns on the season, and on February 4th, 2016, welcomes his first child into the world, a healthy baby boy with a "24" birthmark on his scalp representing the "Number of the Beast Mode." The child, named "Damien," is born with a silver grill in his mouth.
* The Jets Antonio Cromartie appears at the 2015 ESPY Awards on July 15 dressed in a triple-breasted Calvin Klein suit that features 12 buttons, one for each of his children, and eight pockets, one for each of his baby mommas.
The "Paternity Suit" becomes an international sensation, and is worn by the likes of Evander Holyfield, Shawn Kemp, and Brigham Young.
* The NFL league office is again forced to address the issue of a crotch grab, when Eli Manning's Hail Mary pass on Monday Night Football on October 19th at Philadelphia is snagged by Odell Beckham, Jr. between his thighs.
The pass is initially called incomplete, but instant replay overturns the call, giving Beckham the catch and the Giants a 31-30 win over the Eagles.
The New York Post immortalizes the catch on the following day's front page with the headline "ODB's Nutz!"
Beckham leads the NFL with 15 touchdown catches.
* Tampa rookie Jameis Winston's bad luck with grocery stores continues in late October, when he is charged with "Publix intoxication" after drinking a six pack of Mickey's Wide Mouth's without paying.
Winston pleads ignorance, but is later informed by his lawyers that "ignorance" is not an acceptable plea.
Later, while attempting to sell Girl Scout cookies at the home of Warren Sapp, Winston is charged with solicitation.
Winston is suspended two games by the league, but appeals, and the suspension is overturned by a Tallahassee court.
* Good buddies LeGarrette Blount and Le'Veon Bell, sporting official University Of Alabama-Birmingham gear, spend the first game of their suspensions reading in great detail the NFL's lengthy drug policy, looking primarily for a loophole, or, at the very least, something to roll a joint with, eventually deciding on page 420.
While the two look on, the Patriots, minus a suspended Tom Brady, beat the Steelers 27-24 behind 312 yards passing and 2 touchdowns from Jimmy Garoppolo.
* Johnny Manziel emerges as a changed player, vowing to eschew gambling and booze, while rededicating himself to the Browns. In a press conference to the Cleveland media, Manziel boldly vows to be the "best he's ever been," then hops in a DeLorean with Marty McFly and sets the destination for 2013, his sophomore year at Texas A&M.
* As the Orioles did in April, the Baltimore Ravens play to an empty stadium, as M&T Bank Stadium hosts "Ray Rice Appreciation Day" on September 27th against the Bengals.
The Ravens lose 31-30 and finish the season 8-8 in the AFC South, while Rice goes unclaimed by a single team all year. With bills to pay, Rice's wife Janay asks her husband's permission to find a job. Ironically, Rice OK's his wife.
* In the area to face the Redskins on December 7th, Dallas' Greg Hardy enters a Springfield, Virginia Waffle House and is pelted with pancake mix by a table of angry patrons. Four women are later charged, ironically, with "batter-y," but charges are later dropped when Hardy fails to show up for court.
On the field, Hardy fails to show as well, registering only one sack in six games.
* TMZ catches Rob Gronkowski in a threesome, as cameras film the Patriots party animal kissing his biceps at Martha's Vineyard over Labor Day.
Gronk spikes a Kennedy, shotguns a six-pack of Miller High Life, then boards the party bus for the trip back to Foxboro, where he impresses a throng of Patriots fans by doing 1,500 push-ups, 100 of them blindfolded.
Gronkowski catches 79 passes for 1,201 yards and 10 touchdowns on the season.
* New wave art-punk pioneers Devo re-release their seminal 1980 hit "Whip It" on vinyl, featuring a photo of Adrian Peterson on the cover.
Peterson files an injunction to block further release of the single, and the injunction is upheld, forcing Devo to go to Plan B and trying to complete the impossible task of choosing another NFL star accused of domestic violence.
On the season, Peterson logs 425 rushes, as the Vikings decide to put the "passed" behind them.
* The Packers quest for a perfect season ends with a Week 8 loss to the Broncos in Denver. Green Bay head coach Mike McCarthy downplays the defeat, saying "16-0 starts are clearly overrated."
The Packers win the NFC North with an 11-5 record, but lose to the Seahawks in the NFC Championship when the McCarthy inexplicably elects to go for a field goal on 4th-and-goal with the Seahawks clinging to a 24-20 lead.
* After his receivers drop seven passes in the Broncos 26-23 loss at San Diego in Week 13, Peyton Manning hits the ceiling in a post-game berating of his receiving corps. The following week against the Raiders in frigid Denver, Manning "hits the wall," as his attempt at a screen pass to Montee Ball falls short.
Manning is diagnosed with "dead arm" and misses the remainder of the season after undergoing "Papa John" surgery, in which the ligaments in his elbow are replaced by those of a former pizza-loving cadaver.
The Broncos lose their final three games but sneak into the playoffs as a wild card, and lose to the Patriots in the Wild Card Round.
* The Jaguars finish 9-7 in the AFC South, second to the 11-5 Colts, spurred by an early season pep talk from the suspended Justin Blackmon, who tells his former teammates to take all the criticism from their detractors and "put it in a pipe and smoke it."
* Ndamukong Suh enters the exotic nightclub business in South Beach, opening a strip club in July called "Dirty Playas." The joint quickly earns a reputation as a tasteless establishment, where patrons can fill themselves with 90 cent liquor bombs, or "cheap shots," as they're known.
Suh quickly closes shop to dedicate himself to his new teammate. Suh enjoys a Pro Bowl year, and the only thing h steps on all year is a pile of dog poop left in the courtyard of his gated, condominium community.
* Kansas City's Justin Houston leads the NFL with 19 ¼ sacks, with the ¼ coming when he solo sacks third-string Johnny Manziel, in for mop-up duty late in the Chiefs 42-20 win over the Browns in Week 16.
* Former Seattle defensive coordinator Dan Quinn instills his principles in the Falcons defense, which vastly improves to become one of the NFC's top defensive units. The "Legion of Dan" holds down the fort while the Falcons offense soars, and Atlanta wins the NFC South with a 10-6 record.
* In an effort to silence critics of the "Redskins" nickname, Daniel Snyder donates $50 million to the Native American Heritage Association in late August, then unwisely boasts on Twitter that he just "made it rain for the Indians."
Snyder issues an apology, saying his insensitive words have left him "red in the face."
* The Rams Todd Gurley joins Aaron Rodgers in a new State Farm commercial, once again featuring "Hans And Franz," who this time call the rookie, not Rodgers, the "Gurley man."
Gurley rushes for 10 touchdowns on the season and amasses 1,325 yards from scrimmage, and wins the NFC's Rookie of the Year" award.
* On the first day of autumn, Gatorade introduces a new flavor, marketed strictly in the Northeast. The drink is cranberry-flavored with just a taste of clam chowder and baked beans, and is called "Deflategate-orade."
* After a shocking 0-3 start to the season, Eagles second-string quarterback Mark Sanchez leads a players-only meeting, while fourth-string quarterback Tim Tebow leads a prayers-only meeting.
First-string quarterback Sam Bradford tears his ACL kneeling in Tebow's meeting, and is declared out for the season.
* Taking a page from the Jaguars, the Dolphins install a swimming pool at Sun Life Stadium in which patrons can view the game from the comfort of the water. South Beach hose bags flock to the pool, and the body of water quickly earns the unhygienic nickname "Hep Sea."
* Andrew Luck passes for 4,678 yards and 43 touchdowns and is named the NFL's Most Valuable Player. The following week, Colts owner Jim Irsay presents Luck with the award in an elaborate ceremony, and uses the opportunity as a springboard for his new venture, the world's first mobile pharmacy/ATM machine.
* The Seahawks reach their third consecutive Super Bowl, facing the Patriots in a rematch of Super Bowl XLIX. After building a 27-14 lead early in the fourth quarter, Seattle takes the air out of the ball, rushing Marshawn Lynch 16 times in the quarter, preserving a 30-22 win.
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