* His New Show is Called "Second Take," or Damnage Control — ESPN's Stephen A. Smith apologized for comments on domestic abuse he made on "First Take." Smith was later suspended for one week by the network. Clearly, Smith was asking for it.
* Black Robe Trumps White Sheet, or That Clip' Has Saled — A judge ruled against Donald Sterling in his attempt to block the sale of the Los Angeles Clippers. It wasn't all bad news for Sterling. The good news is he can't remember why he sued in the first place.
* There Are Three Possible Outcomes: Pass, Fail, and Incomplete — New York Giants quarterbacks coach Danny Langsdorf has challenged Eli Manning to complete 70 percent of his passes in the 2014 NFL season. Manning challenged his receivers to catch 50 percent of his passes.
* The King and His "Air," or Fit For a King, or #23 — LeBron James will once again wear jersey number 23 in Cleveland, and received approval from Michael Jordan, who said that any reference to LeBron James and the number 6 should be ignored.
* Joint Custody, or Smoke Screen, or This is What You Call a High Profile Case — The legal team of Cleveland Browns wide receiver Josh Gordon argued in a hearing Friday that its client's positive marijuana test results were caused by second hand smoke. The prosecution plans to argue that the second hand, was, in fact, Gordon's.
* Ho's Before Bro's, or She-Rah! — The National Basketball Players Association elected Michele Roberts as its executive director. She is the first woman to lead a major North America sports league union, and will add even more diva-like behavior to the NBA.
* It's A Strip Club, How Can You Not Get Tip-sy, or Drunk History, He Was in No Rush to Get Home — A police officer found Arizona Cardinals linebacker John Abraham passed out behind the wheel of his car in June in the Atlanta suburb of Brookhaven. Abraham had been at the Pink Pony strip club, and was subsequently charged with driving under the influence. While his lawyer certainly passed it, it seems Abraham failed his "bar" exam.
* They've Got It Down, Pat — The Arizona Cardinals made Patrick Peterson the highest-paid cornerback in the NFL with a five-year extension worth $70 million. Richard Sherman is now underpaid, again.
* Full Court Mess, Soak Cal, or It Was Followed By an Outpouring of Sympathy — A massive broken water main flooded much of UCLA's athletic facilities, including Pauley Pavilion, less than two years after a major renovation. Students frolicked in the deluge, triggering the world's largest impromptu wet t-shirt contest.
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