* Crash of the Titus, or This Has to Be the First Time Young Has Been Double-teamed — Former Detroit Lions receiver Titus Young was arrested for the third time in a week after he was booked for burglary, assaulting a police officer, and resisting arrest after a foot chase and a scuffle with officers. Unlike Young's skills as a wide receiver, there seems to be a pattern developing.
* Domestic Flattery — Floyd Mayweather topped Sports Illustrated's list of the highest-earning athletes in the United States, projected to rake in $90 million in 2013. Mayweather beat LeBron James, Tiger Woods, and Kobe Bryant. Surprisingly, no ex-girlfriends were on the list.
* Spanish Inhibition, or Three in the Drink, One in the Stink, or Sergi-Eau — Tiger Woods won The Players Championship on Sunday with a final round 70, while Sergio Garcia hit three in the water on the final two holes en route to a 76. Garcia played the final two holes in 6 over par, so, once again, he can say he's done more "swinging" than Woods.
* The NBA Put the "Owe" in "Thibodeau" — Chicago Bulls head coach Tom Thibodeau was fined $35,000 for critical comments made about the officiating in the Bulls' Game 3 loss to the Miami Heat. When Thibodeau learned of the amount of the fine, he was floored.
* Put Me in Coach, I'm Ready to Play (For Pay), or Rock, Chalk, One Year, Then Walk, or Self-Control — No. 1-rated high school recruit Andrew Wiggins announced that he will attend Kansas and play for Bill Self. Wiggins is expected to play one year and then enter the NBA draft, a path known as "graduating" in Lexington, Kentucky.
* Bye Heave — Donovan McNabb will officially retire as a member of the Philadelphia Eagles on September 19th when the Eagles host the Kansas City Chiefs. McNabb is expected to be sick with emotion.
* Flight-ing Irish — Michigan football coach Brady Hoke said Notre Dame "chickened out" when the Irish pulled out of their annual rivalry game with the Wolverines. Former Notre Dame linebacker Manti Te'o said Hoke need not worry, because they can always pretend there's still a game.
* Here Comes Nothing, or From Russia With "Love" — Washington Capitals captain Alex Ovechkin will join Russia's squad at the hockey world championships in Finland. Judging by his five-game playoff scoring drought, the Scandinavian country may be the only place Ovechkin is able to "Finnish."
* If Ray Lewis Spent That Much, He'd Grow Antlers — Cincinnati Bengals linebacker James Harrison said he spends roughly $400,000 annually maintaining his body through the rigors of NFL football. Apparently, the Bengals aren't the only ones who have spent too much on Harrison.
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