Note: the quotes in this article are fictional.
1. Jimmie Johnson — Johnson led 21 laps at Kentucky and finished sixth in the Quaker State 400, as Hendrick Motorsports drivers claimed four of the top six positions, led by Kasey Kahne's second. Johnson is now third in the Sprint Cup point standings, 23 out of first.
"Brad Keselowski's No. 2 Miller Lite Dodge was the car to beat," Johnson said. "Would I go so far as to say Keselowski is a legitimate threat for the championship? Let me put it this way: despite my five Sprint Cup championships, I don't necessarily 'champion' that belief.
"Try as we might, no Hendrick cars could catch Brad Keselowski. He was just too fast, and beat the field by such a margin that he was able to Tweet his win before it happened, which is the perfect argument for banning texting while driving."
2. Matt Kenseth — Kenseth, who announced his departure from Roush Fenway Racing last week, posted a seventh in the Quaker State 400, his 12th top-10 of the year. He remained on top of the point standings with an 11-point lead over Dale Earnhardt, Jr.
"Jack Roush said he wished he had done more to keep me at Roush Fenway," Kenseth said. "But Carl Edwards did plenty to make me want to leave. Anyway, the money was just too good not to leave. You could say I was 'high-Jacked.'
"I've won only one Sprint Cup title with Roush. I felt I could reach my full potential at another team. So, this was not a case of good riddance, but a case of great riddance."
3. Dale Earnhardt, Jr. — Earnhardt surged closer to the lead in the Sprint Cup point standings with a fourth at Kentucky, his seventh top-five result of the year. He now trails points leader Matt Kenseth by 11.
"I've moved on from Michigan," Earnhardt said. "That's more than I can say for Junior Nation — some of them are still camped out in the MIS infield.
"But thank goodness I finally got that elusive win out of the way. A win is much like a flask of warm liquor secreted away in an Earnhardt fan's waistband: it's good to know I've got one under my belt."
4. Denny Hamlin — Hamlin led 58 laps at Kentucky, and was chasing Brad Keselowski to the finish before an uncertain fuel situation forced him to lay off the throttle. He still finished third, his eighth top-five finish of the year, and is fifth in the point standings, 68 out of first.
"As you know," Hamlin said, "I announced my contract extension with Joe Gibbs Racing on Twitter just before Saturday's race. So, literally and figuratively, no one 'heard' it."
5. Tony Stewart — Stewart's electronic fuel injection failed just 28 laps in on Saturday night's race, forcing his No. 14 Office Depot/Mobil Chevy to the garage. He eventually finished 32nd, 36 laps down, and tumbled four places to ninth in the point standings.
"Saturday also saw another run-in between Ryan Newman and Joey Logano," Stewart said. "My money's on Newman, not only because he's my teammate, but also because his neck is thicker than Logano's waist. Ryan's college-educated, so he's more than able to knock some sense into Logano. Let's just call Ryan 'The Intimidator,' because Logano's too young to know the real one."
6. Brad Keselowski — Keselowski, forced to a backup car, took charge late in the Quaker State 400 and ran away to a convincing victory, his series-best third of the year. Keselowski's No. 2 Miller Lite Dodge was wrecked by Juan Montoya in Friday's practice, forcing his team to scramble to prepare the backup.
"Before I could say 'that's three,'" Keselowski said, "I had to say 'that's Juan.' Montoya obviously mistook me for a jet dryer. He drive's like I've got 'Target' on my car."
7. Kevin Harvick — Harvick finished 11th at Kentucky as his winless season continued. He is fifth in the Sprint Cup point standings, but has only three top-5 finishes on the year.
"Richard Childress Racing is struggling so far this year," Harvick said. "Will an RCR driver play a role in the Chase? It's doubtful. This year, it seems you can't spell 'irrelevant' without 'RCR.'
"That begs the question: how does an RCR driver make an impact in the Chase? He leaves the team. That's a Clint Bowyer joke, but, as they say, the jokes on us."
8. Greg Biffle — Biffle had a top-10 finish in his sights before a late green-flag pit stop relegated him to a finish of 21st. He fell two places to fourth in the Sprint Cup point standings, and is now 25 out of first.
"I spent a lot of time atop the point standings," Biffle said. "But I've found it's hard to stay there. I, much like Card Edwards on Saturday, found that you can't 'coast' to victory. With Matt Kenseth's impending departure and Edwards' struggled, it seems we have two 'lame ducks' at Roush Fenway."
9. Martin Truex, Jr. — Truex posted his ninth top-10 finish of the year, coming home eighth in the Quaker State 400. He is now eighth in the point standings, 77 out of first.
"Michael Waltrip really wanted a win in Kentucky," Truex said. "Waltrip is a lot like Kentucky head basketball coach John Calipari. He's a great recruiter, and he finances his own team."
10. Clint Bowyer — Bowyer finished 16th in the Quaker State 400, ending a streak of four consecutive top-10 results. He remained seventh in the point standings, 76 out of first.
"The No. 15 5-Hour Energy Toyota was good," Bowyer said, "but not good enough. Last year at Kentucky, fans needed 'five hours of energy' just to leave the track."
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