* In the Buccaneers' season-opener against the Panthers, the first 2,000 fans through the gates receive a commemorative "Greatest Players In Tampa Bay History" booklet, in which the career of Warren Sapp is chronicled, ironically, in Chapter 7.
Sapp good-naturedly laughs off the coincidence, and the team offers the strapped-for-cash former lineman a job hosting a post-game television show, in which he lauds the play of the day's top Tampa performers. The show, called "The Credit Report With Warren Sapp," is an instant hit.
* Peyton Manning pledges to lead the Broncos to the Super Bowl, a vow that becomes known in Denver as the "New Testament," and quells anti-Tim Tebow sentiment by performing a public service announcement in which he pleads, "Don't hate the prayer, hate the game."
Manning leads the Broncos to an 11-5 record and the AFC West crown, throwing for 4,239 yards and 35 touchdowns.
The Broncos knock off the Patriots in the AFC championship, and win Super Bowl XLVII by defeating the Packers, 31-29.
* Sean Payton sets a precedent, when, after video surfaces of him watching a Saints practice, he becomes the first coach in NFL history accused of spying of his own team.
* In an informal survey, ESPN asks NFL starting quarterbacks to name the league's top quarterback. To the surprise of no one, Aaron Rodgers, Tom Brady, Drew Brees, and Peyton Manning lead the voting. Also, to the surprise of no one, Joe Flacco gets one vote.
* The Seattle Seahawks, led by quarterback Matt Flynn, finish 10-6 in the NFC West and earn a wild card playoff spot and a date in Green Bay in the first round. The game goes into overtime, and during the coin toss, Flynn correctly calls tails, then announces, "We'll take the ball, and we're going to win, assuming I don't throw an interception for a touchdown on the first play of overtime, and, assuming we don't kick a field goal and then allow the Packers to score a touchdown for the win."
Officials then revoke the 'Hawks coin toss win, citing the NFL's obscure "long-windedness in an overtime playoff game coin toss" rule. The Packers win when Aaron Rodgers hits Greg Jennings for a 69-yard TD strike on the first play of overtime.
* The Texans roll to the AFC South title, sweeping all six divisional games, including two shutouts, and earn the top seed in the AFC playoffs. In the divisional round against the Patriots, the Texans hopes come crashing down when Arian Foster and Andre Johnson pull hamstrings, and Matt Schaub suffers a shoulder injury, during pre-game warmups.
* Tim Tebow is named host of a new Comedy Central television show in which he views internet videos and offers snarky wisecracks in a Christian and G-rated manner. The show, Gosh.0, is cancelled after two weeks due to low ratings.
* After scoring his first touchdown as a 49er in San Francisco's Week 5 win over the Bills, Randy Moss celebrates by renting Alcatraz Island for a party. The event, hosted by his estranged uncle from West Virginia, "DJ Dirty" Harry Moss, is sparsely attended, due to transportation issues, and Moss leaves in a huff, paddling back to the mainland on a raft fashioned from raincoats.
Moss is cut by the 49ers after he vehemently complains about a zero-catch day in Week 9, confronting Jim Harbaugh in his office. Harbaugh ejects Moss, after reminding him that the team had a Week 9 bye.
* Andrew Luck wins the starting quarterback job in Indianapolis, and receives a congratulatory phone call from Peyton Manning, which irritable Colts owner Jim Irsay proudly claims is Manning's last "audible" in Indianapolis.
* In an interview with Easy Rider magazine, Ben Roethlisberger creates an uproar when he expresses admiration Bobby Petrino, praising Petrino's ability to incorporate two of Roethlisberger's favorite pastimes, motorcycle wrecks and inappropriate relationships with women, into a single date.
NFL commissioner Roger Goodell demands an apology, as does Petrino, and Roethlisberger complies.
The Steelers suffer an injury-plagued year, and finish 9-7, tied for second in the AFC North with the Bengals.
* Larry Fitzgerald, who unsuccessfully tried to lure Peyton Manning to Arizona, finds one thing even more difficult than trying to convince Manning to play for the Cardinals, and that's convincing himself to play for the Cardinals.
After a mediocre two-catch day against the Vikings in Minnesota in Week 7, Fitzgerald demands a trade, preferably one in which another team takes Kevin Kolb and John Skelton.
* The Raiders begin the season 0-2, but new head coach Dennis Allen energizes the team with his youthful exuberance and unmistakable excitability. When Darren McFadden breaks a long touchdown run down the Raider sideline in Week 3 against the Steelers, Allen follows him into the end zone, then leaps into the sea of fans occupying end zone seating.
Allen goes missing for five minutes and eventually escapes the Black Hole, but not before impatient and overzealous Raiders fans give him an extreme makeover, resulting in the reincarnation of Tom Flores.
Allen is never the same, but the Raiders are, as they finish 6-10 and miss the playoffs for the 10th consecutive year.
* Detroit's Jim Schwartz is named NFL Coach of the Year after leading the Lions to the NFC North title, but the fiery Lions leader recoils at the thought of receiving such a pat on the back, and refuses to accept the award.
* Brandon Marshall, reunited with Jay Cutler, makes an impact early in Chicago, with five touchdown catches in the Bears first four games. However, Marshall's biggest splash comes in October, when, after a night out partying on the Lakefront, he's tossed into Lake Michigan by a transvestite who vaguely resembles Chicago great Gary Fencik.
The Bears finish 7-9, good for third in the NFC North.
* Robert Griffin III is named the Redskins starting quarterback in late August, while John Beck beats out Rex Grossman for the backup position, thus earning Grossman the nickname "Rex Grossman the Third."
* Tony Romo leads the Cowboys to an 11-5 record and the NFC East title, throwing for 4,379 yards and 34 touchdowns and only 9 interceptions. Romo credits his added focus on fatherhood, and adds that nothing is more satisfying than smothering your baby with attention, a sentiment echoed by passionate Cowboys owner Jerry Jones.
* Sales of Tim Tebow's "WWTD?" bracelets are brisk among Jets fans, but not as brisk as those that ask "WWSDT?," which fans flash on the many occasions when they ask "Why would Sanchez do that?" However, those sales are dwarfed by those of Rex Ryan's "WTF?" bracelet, as well as Ryan's "WAF?!" (What A Foot?!) anklets.
The Jets finish 10-6, securing a wildcard playoff berth. New York stumbles to the Ravens in the first round of the playoffs, as Sanchez and Tim Tebow are both knocked out of the game by Ray Lewis, who then thanks the "U" and the "Him."
* Tennessee's Chris Johnson, hoping for a quick start to the season, shears his trademark dreadlocks prior to the season opener, drastically changing his appearance. Despite the streamlined look, Johnson suffers another mediocre season, rushing for only seven touchdowns. However, his disappointment is offset by the fact that he's not once mistaken for Pacman Jones.
* At the Super Bowl XLVII halftime show at the Mercedes-Benz Superdome, the Red Hot Chili Peppers take the stage, wearing nothing but socks. Amazingly, the band shocks more with their music when they dedicate their first number to Gregg Williams and break into a cover of the Gap Band's "Oops Upside Your Head."
Saints officials are infuriated, and vow revenge, but stop shot of placing bounties on the heads of the Chili Peppers.
* Madison Avenue rejoices with the announcement that State Farm spokesman Aaron Rodgers and Progressive Insurance endorser Flo have been dating, giving the advertising industry its first super-couple. The relationship sours, though, when Flo blatantly uses Rodgers' "championship belt" touchdown celebration in a Progressive commercial, touting their "discount trouble check."
Rodgers ends the relationship, and is seen just days later in Aspen, Colorado getting cozy with an insurance endorser's dream, the underdressed and underinsured swimsuit model Kate Upton, who, in more ways than one, lacks coverage.
* LeSean McCoy wins the NFL rushing title, amassing 1,562 yards on the ground, besting Arian Foster by 112 yards. With his rookie contract expiring, McCoy demands to become the NFL's highest-paid running back, to which Philadelphia owner Jeffrey Lurie replies "Get real, McCoy."
* Ray Rice again leads the NFL in total yards from scrimmage with 2,112, but earns even more recognition by pairing with 90-year-old comic icon Betty White in a television ad to endorse Axe Body Spray. In the ad, White aggressively gropes Rice after he anoints himself with the body spray, as an announcer promises that women will be on you "like White on Rice" if you use Axe.
* DeMarcus Ware leads the NFL with 19.5 sacks on the year and is named the NFC Defensive Player Of The Year. Ware abruptly retires to pursue a boxing career, but returns to football after his first bout ends in a second round TKO loss to Danny Bonaduce.
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