Hollywood Roles For Tennis Stars

I saw this week the last installment of "Mission: Impossible - Ghost Protocol." While I enjoyed the non-stop action of the movie, a crazy idea came to me. I began to wonder under which role a particular tennis star would perform at his or her best. For example, who would be Ethan Hunt, the head of the team in "Mission: Impossible?" Who would play the nerd/geek role that Simon Pegg nails down so well in Ghost Protocol? Would Serena Williams outplay Grace Jones, Denise Richards, or Halle Berry as the leading woman in a James Bond movie? Who would be the next "Psycho" after Anthony Hopkins, or the next Uma Thurman in another "Kill Bill?"

Both the WTA and ATP Tours are in a much-needed seasonal break, and writing about the preparations of the players for the 2012 season or a recap of 2011 simply don't seem to be attractive options since the latter has probably been already done at least a dozen times in the last couple of weeks, and the former slides dangerously close to "who cares?" category. So why not venture a bit into the imagination and try to guess which tennis star would feel most in his element in a given role?

I am not sure if he has the athletic abilities of Tom Cruise as Ethan Hunt — at least the one we see on the screen aided by special effects — but after much thought, I felt like the only player who could pull the mastermind planning and execution of an impossible mission such as the ones Ethan Hunt faces, would be none other than the smooth, deceiving, yet effective Miroslav Mecir. On the court, Mecir would move with the same smoothness that Hunt climbs mountains and buildings, deceptively gliding with style. But his true genius was in the way he constructed the points in his head and executed his shots with his underrated wrist control. Without a doubt, Mr. Mecir could definitely pull off the complicated planning that Cruise seems to accomplish while managing to look so "cool." Yes, chalk Mecir up for the next Ethan Hunt role.

There is always a cocktail party thrown by a handsome rich man in his multi-million dollar home in these types of movies. There is always a scene in which the likes of James Bond or Ethan Hunt, while wearing a dazzling suit, have to attend a party taking place in a mansion with a decor that goes beyond any comprehensible standard of luxury or creativity. And who would be the host of these types of parties? Mr. Roger Federer, of course.

This time, instead of welcoming his guests in his player box where we often see famous personalities sitting and chatting with the lovely Mirka, he would welcome them in his home sporting three different floors with vast hallways and a professional modern dance group on each floor performing the various choreographies designed by the ultimate artists in the business. It would only be fitting: Federer with his sparkling smile, wearing a sharp suit (probably all white, echoing the jacket at Wimbledon), and striking up conversations with the guests in several different languages. Yes, that secondary guest role of the rich socialite host in the next Bond or Hunt movie goes to Federer.

Next, we shift gears and look into an epic, maybe historical, movie where we go back a century or two and discover the story of a famous family whose beautiful daughter has to settle for a pre-arranged marriage with some prince for whom she has no feelings, while she is longing for the forbidden love of the tailor's son who works hard down the street to support his family in the town that his family rules over. A number of scenes would show her looking out the window of the palace in which she lives, staring into the distance to the lowly neighborhoods with teary eyes, while the reflection of the sunset on her beautiful skin makes her look that much more melancholic.

Could anyone belong to that role better than Maria Sharapova? Imagine her walking with grace, wearing an old-style yet timeless dress in a corridor decorated with golden mirrors and chandeliers, and you might begin to picture where I am headed with this idea. Yes, let's designate Maria Sharapova as the chagrined, beautiful heiress of a famous house who can't seem to fulfill her heart's wish.

Do you remember the first "Rambo" movie with Sylvester Stallone? He looked rough, sexy, and muscular, and wore a sleeveless shirt to display his developed arm and shoulders. On top of that, he had long straight dark hair. Do you see where this is going? If not, simply substitute Rambo's nationality with that of a Spanish one. Now, do you see it? Who else in today's tennis would be better at roughing several trained other enemies in the jungle, move with the quickness and ferocity of a determined hunter? None other than Rafael Nadal. Change Rambo to Rafa, and there is our next tennis celebrity turned Hollywood character.

What about the once-in-a-while role of the young, up-and-coming young politician who is good looking, smart, and knows how to play women and the game of politics at the same time? Well, considering that he is playing that role in real life as we speak (he has just been elected to the Russian parliament), Marat Safin, the once bad boy of tennis, could be the next ex-athlete to rise up the steps of politics, heading all the way to the top. Oliver Stone should be on the lookout. One thing we know for sure is that Safin will not have the speech problems of King George VI.

And for the next movie depicting some rebel character from the IRA, may I suggest the director to look no further than Andy Murray. Yes, I know he is Scottish and not Irish, but I am assuming that if Brad Pitt can do an Irish accent fairly well as he did in "The Devil's Own" (1997), Murray should not have a problem with it, either. He certainly will not have any trouble playing the rebel who squints his eyes and complains about anything that may approach him dangerously close to a peaceful existence.

By the way, I am insisting on Serena Williams as the next Bond girl; and as far as I am concerned, Vera Zvonareva can have the next psychopathic dancer role with dual personalities, à la Natalie Portman in "Black Swan." I will let the readers decide in which roles they see fit the likes of Novak Djokovic, John McEnroe, Caroline Wozniacki, Martina Navratilova (the next "Million Dollar Baby?"), and Jo-Wilfried Tsonga.

In the meantime, I wish everyone a wonderful holiday season!