Which TV Sitcom is Your QB? (Part 1)

It took Aaron Rodgers four years of NFL service to earn a starting role. It took Christian Ponder half of one. Similarly, it took Family Guy four years of airing time — including one cancellation — to become a successful television show, while The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air took off right away. Think that's the only comparison between NFL quarterbacks and TV? Here's a list and brief description of each starting quarterback and the TV sitcom to which he most corresponds (as of Friday, November 11th, before Week 10):

Tim Tebow (Denver Broncos) — "Family Matters," Season 7 (1989-98)

How can I compare a second-year quarterback to one of the classic tacky family sitcoms of the '90s? One word: wholesomeness. Both display extreme sincerity in a time when cynicism ran rampant, hope when pessimism ruled everywhere. However, despite seemingly horrendous strategies that inexplicably worked (overturning the show's focus from the Winslow family to the now full-time character Stefan Urkquelle/running the QB option in the NFL and making it work), the general public had already seen enough by season seven (i.e. now). Family Matters was eventually moved to CBS, just like Tebow will probably be traded and given one last shot before reality TV takes over.

Ben Roethlisberger (Pittsburgh Steelers) — "Two and a Half Men," Any Season (2003-present)

Is this really a surprise? You've got a tough, notoriously troubled leader. One bounces back from linemen hits, the other from ... other kinds of hits. Despite the noted character flaws, each man has led a soaring brand for quite some time (Pro Bowl selection in 2007 for Ben, Emmy nominations in '07-'09 for Charlie Sheen). For those keeping track, Charlie Sheen leads in all-nighter drug binges, while Roethlisberger is still ahead in accused sexual assaults. I do not have an Ashton Kutcher analogy yet — any ideas?

Tom Brady (New England Patriots) — "Saved By the Bell," Season 4 (1989-93)

Critics originally hated this show (i.e. drafted it in the seventh round), but by the time it was seasoned, its ratings were impossible to deny. By the fourth season, Tori Scott, a leather-clad babe (Chad Ochocinco) joined the team, but was mysteriously absent and unmentioned in the graduation episode (benched and possibly released by the playoffs). Though this season was a bit cheesy (more INTs than expected), it still got huge ratings (20 TD, 2,703 yards, 100.0 QBR), and was a trend-setting innovator.

Matt Cassel (Kansas City Chiefs) — "Saved By the Bell: The College Years," Season 1 (1993-94)

When its predecessor went down (Saved By the Bell/Tom Brady), it used regulars from the previous cast to experience a semi-successful transition (10-6 season for the Pats in 2008). In his first season on his own, though, we saw that the subtraction of major cast members (Lark Voorhies, Elizabeth Berkeley/Randy Moss) would bring Cassel back down to Earth. Though he had a strong 2010 (93.9 QBR), his 2011 season has been largely forgettable — much like The College Years. The major difference is that Kansas City has turned to inexperienced supporting cast, while Saved Ny the Bell went for a washed up defensive lineman (Bob Golic).

Ryan Fitzpatrick (Buffalo Bills) — "Louie," Season 2 (2010-present)

Much like FX's decision to renew Louie, Fitzpatrick's return to Buffalo's starting lineup was met with lukewarm approval. However, his second year has been promising. With a subtle supporting cast, Fitzy has a 5-3 record, 1,930 yards, 15 TD, 9 INT, and a 92.3 QBR. Louie's second season had highlights and lowlights, but overall both this show and this man are brilliant, promising, and worth renewing for a third season.

Matt Moore (Miami Dolphins) — "Pan-Am," Season 1 (2011)

Watching the previews, you knew Pan-Am was going to flop. But it did have that one really hot chick (Brandon Marshall), so you held out hope. With only 950 passing yards, a 1-1 TD/INT ratio, and a 79.7 rating, people will continue to give Moore an opportunity to prove himself. Having said that, this season might be the last of both Moore and Pan-Am.

Mark Sanchez (New York Jets) — "Wings," Any Season (1990-97)

Both extremely mediocre, Sanchez and Wings rely/relied upon a stellar defense (great lead-in shows: Cheers, Seinfeld) to win games. At least each is founded on fantastic heads of hair for the lead characters (see: Sanchez, Joe/Brian Hackett). If only the Hackett brothers had gone shirtless for GQ.

Joe Flacco (Baltimore Ravens) — "Tyler Perry's House of Payne," Season 1 (2007-present)

Anyone who watched TBS in 2007 knows that Tyler Perry's House of Payne was considered to be the funniest TV show in history even before it aired. At least, that's what the advertisements would have us believe. In Flacco's rookie season, he rode the coattails of Ray Lewis and Co. to an AFC championship loss. This season, he's had a few stellar moments (Week 9's comeback against the Steelers comes to mind), but most viewers still watch him and wonder, “What is all the praise really about?” (9 TD, 6 INT, 76.9 QBR.)

Andy Dalton (Cincinnati Bengals) — "Glee," Any Season (2009-present)

You really want to make fun of Andy Dalton — from the way he looks, to the mediocrity of his overall skill set — but he succeeds. Similarly, Glee was originally begging for mockery, but you simply couldn't deny that it was well-produced and entertaining. Dalton's 85.0 QBR will likely increase as he becomes more comfortable and begins releasing absurd amounts of albums covering famous songs.

Colt McCoy (Cleveland Browns) — "Workaholics," Season 1 (2011)

Both have their pluses and minuses. McCoy has the pedigree and the draft status. Workaholics has the quirky, dry humor and — based on a brief cameo — the support of Arrested Development creator Mitchell Hurwitz (huge plus). However, McCoy forces passes downfield like Workaholics writers force jokes and it ultimately leads to turnovers (changed channels).

Matt Schaub (Houston Texans) — "That '70s Show," Any Season (1998-2006)

Both have had great runs as legitimate starters in their respective fields; however, neither has been appreciated as much as it should be. That '70s Show kicked off the careers of Hollywood regulars Topher Grace, Mila Kunis, and Ashton Kutcher; Schaub helped to jumpstart the careers of Andre Johnson and Arian Foster. Schaub is on pace to throw for over 4,000 yards, but may lose out on the Pro Bowl yet again due to excellent seasons by other AFC quarterbacks (the Frasier and Everybody Loves Raymond shows that took the Emmys).

Curtis Painter (Indianapolis Colts) — "That '80s Show," Season 1 (2002)

First off: yes, That '80s Show did exist temporarily. It was a show that tried to play off of previous success (Purdue quarterbacks Drew Brees, Kyle Orton, and Colts quarterback Peyton Manning), but was agonizingly horrible. Much like That 80s Show, I see Painter packing up the long hair and disappearing after one dismal season (1,221 yards, 5/5 TD/INT, 70 QBR).

Blaine Gabbert (Jacksonville Jaguars) — "Andy Richter Controls the Universe," Season 1 (2002-03)

Gabbert was forced into a starting role when David Garrard was abruptly released prior to the season opener and Luke McCown was, well, Luke McCown. Thus, the cards are stacked against him. Similarly, Andy Richter... was given a midseason run, as well, and struggled to garner much of a following. Richter's show displayed true promise (a quasi-Hail Mary touchdown at the half in Week 2 at Carolina), somewhat innovative techniques (imagination presented as reality), but couldn't elicit high enough ratings (907 yards, 60.0 QBR). I'll leave it to you to decipher which parenthetical belongs to whom.

Matt Hasselbeck (Tennessee Titans) — "Daria," Season 4 (1997-2002)

The character Daria was originally a recurring character on Beavis and Butthead (or a backup QB to Brett Favre) and when given a chance to thrive on her own, put together four or five really good seasons (or, when given a chance to thrive on his own, put together four or five really good seasons). In syndication (Tennessee), Daria is largely forgotten and not nearly as poignant as it was during its peak. Also, both were animated (see: clip).

Carson Palmer (Oakland Raiders) — "Bob Patterson," Season 1 (2001)

Bob Patterson was a little-known attempt by Jason Alexander (George Costanza) to return to television shortly after Seinfeld ended. Neither this show nor Palmer had an entire season to do much — and in limited playing time each served its purpose — but ultimately, you can't always take a former star and expect him to re-discover his greatness in a new setting. Palmer will have some solid games (see Thursday night's performance against the Chargers), but after season one, the network (Hue Jackson) will likely see that, in the long-term, the Raiders are better off without Bob Patterson.

Philip Rivers (San Diego Chargers) — "It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia," Season 4 (2005-present)

Both came out of nowhere to become stars. However, by season four, something was inexplicably amiss with It's Always Sunny. It's the same with 2011 Philip Rivers. With more interceptions (15) than touchdowns (13), Rivers has all of San Diego wondering what has gone awry. Perhaps his short arm slot (Danny DeVito) is no longer able to succeed under pressure? Neither Rivers nor Sunny are/were at risk of cancellation at this point — and It's Always Sunny has resurrected its place among great sitcoms for the time being, but unless the “writers” make some changes to the Chargers game plan, this might indeed be the beginning of the end for Rivers (see: Mac gaining 50 pounds).

Read Part II: NFC Edition here!