* Over Par-doning Myself, or Leg Man, or Enter-course — Tiger Woods withdrew from The Players Championship last Thursday due to pain in his left knee and Achilles tendon that contributed to his shooting a 42 on the front nine. Woods, however, plans to play in the U.S. Open beginning June 16th at Congressional Country Club in Maryland. If a clearly injured Woods is to win his first major since taking the 2008 U.S. Open, it may very well take an act of Congress.
* Kraut-numbered, or German Missiles, or White German Chocolate — Dirk Nowitzki hit all 24 of his free throw attempts, setting an NBA record, in the Dallas Mavericks' 121-112 Game 1 win over the Thunder is the Western Conference semifinals. The Thunder learned two hard lessons: 1) Nowitzki is almost impossible to guard, and 2) The phrase "He lives at the line" is not just a cliché.
* Better Appel-late Than Never, or the Ball Is In Somebody's Court — A court of appeals on Monday ruled that the NFL's lockout of players should remain in place until a full appeal of the lockout's legality is heard. The court also mandated negotiations, and both sides were optimistic. So, it seems players and owners alike can "talk a good game."
* Cavalier Aptitude, or King-ing Endorsement — The Cleveland Cavaliers won the NBA draft lottery on Tuesday, earning the No. 1 pick in June's draft. The last time the Cavs had the first pick, in 2003, they chose Lebron James. Cleveland is expected to select Duke point guard Kyrie Irving, a move that James himself supported. Irving reportedly said he will soon be "bringing his talents to Cleveland," then immediately rephrased his statement.
* Samoa Cum Laude, or I Bet Music Was Provided By Mörtörhead — Steelers safety Troy Polamalu received his undergraduate degree in history last Friday, completing his course work in time to march with over 1,000 other students at USC's Alumni Park. Polamalu was praised by many for returning to school to complete his education. Not too impressed were former Trojans Reggie Bush and Matt Leinart, who live under the mistaken belief that "bachelors degree" is merely of measure of the level of one's relationship status.
* Round Mound of Expound — TNT analyst Charles Barkley called the Miami Heat a "whiny bunch" when it comes to the team taking criticism. Barkley made the proclamation during a live, one-hour TNT special called "The Derision."
* Posada'n Adventure — Jorge Posada apologized to Yankees manager Joe Girardi on Sunday, one day after asking to sit out of the lineup after he was dropped to No. 9 in the batting order. Posada was criticized by many for "quitting" on the team, although Derek Jeter said he felt Posada had done nothing wrong. Posada was back in the lineup on Tuesday, batting seventh against Tampa Bay. Posada had 2 hits in the Yanks 6-2 win. Posada attributed the turnaround to a mental breakthrough, choosing to think "won't out" instead of "want out."
* Limp Biz'ness, or French Correction — Kim Clijsters will compete in the French Open with her right ankle taped, the result of a freak injury suffered in early April. Clijsters was in high heels at her cousin's wedding when she stepped on someone's foot, mangling her ankle ligaments. Clijsters has deemed herself fit for the clay of Roland Garros, but just a slight tweak of the ankle could foster a case of "game, set, scratch."
* Did He Even Try to Talk Them Down?, or Houston Nut — The Houston Astros were sold on Monday to a group led by Houston businessman Jim Crane for $680 million, the second-highest price ever paid for a baseball team. Crane had failed in his three previous attempts to buy a major league team, with efforts to buy the Rangers, Cubs, and Astros falling through. As of Thursday, the Astros were 15-28, MLB's second-worst record. Baseball and financial forecasters wholeheartedly agreed on what the franchise could expect in the future — losses.
* Throwing in the Scowl, or Un-'Do-ing — Donald Trump announced on Monday that he will not run for President in 2012, insisting his allegiances lie firmly in the private sector. Republican party strategists breathed a huge sigh of relief, relieved that the "elephant" had finally left the room.
* Celtic Chide, or Diagnosis: Moron — Boston coach Doc Rivers on Monday criticized the timing of the February trade that sent Kendrick Perkins to the Thunder, saying he would have waited until the end of the year to make the deal. Rivers' words were perceived as a veiled criticism of Danny Ainge, the Celtics president of basketball operations and chief engineer of the trade. Ainge defended the trade, saying he was only doing what he thought good for the team, although he did not specify which team.
* Surren(der)-dipity — France will host the 2018 Ryder Cup after beating out Spain, the sentimental favorite after the death of Seve Ballesteros, for the honor in a unanimous vote by the European Ryder Cup committee. It will likely be the first time anything has been defended on French soil.
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