Everyday Tennis Clubhouse Moments

Every day, tennis players spend most of their time in their clubhouses or on the courts. Especially compared to the time that they spend watching some ATP or WTA action on TV, the clubhouse moments represent by a wide margin the primary connection of today's tennis fan with the sport that he/she loves.

Yet strangely, while a lot is written around the media and in the vast arena of World Wide Web (does anyone use this name anymore?), surprisingly few of that material cover what actually happens in the clubhouses, even though the latter would touch the reader more on a personal level than the amount of money a top 10 player won by winning the title at some tournament.

As someone who has been a part of the problem — I also write mostly about the world of tennis that the media covers — I decided that my first article of 2011 shall be about our everyday moments in the clubhouse. For example, what would be considered as the favorite moment of the clubhouse for the restaurant's manager or the barman?

If I were one of them, I would look for a hot debate around a table, one that is preferably populated with a couple of older members who are known to have strong opinions. Throw in a hot issue such as "who is the best player of all-time in men's tennis?" and if you are smart, completely ignore older players who should be rightfully considered in the topic and with whom the members in question may identify such as Bjorn Borg and Rod Laver, and you have hit the jackpot.

Sit back and listen to them argue why those players should be in the same discussion with Roger Federer and Pete Sampras. Well, actually take back the "sit back" advice; you should rather be serving "efficiently and conveniently" plenty of beers and chips until they get hungry, at which point you can take their burger orders while they are completely immersed in discussing details like Sampras' bad clay-court record and Laver's Calendar Grand Slam.

If the conversation seems to slow down, be ready to jump in for a minute or two with a "refuel the fire" topic such as the physical fitness of today's players compared to the previous generation. Do not forget to inflame the same members' passions by perhaps "observing" that today's players are in such better physical shape than older players. Last, but not the least, you can have a partner in crime, say an assistant or a bartender, who "wisely" interjects and reminds you that older players did not get to profit from today's equipment, that they did not have the option of playing tie-breakers to keep the sets short, and going into further details, that they did not have the luxury to sit down during change-overs (see 1969 Wimbledon final between Rod "Rocket" Laver and John "Newk" Newcombe), so therefore they must have been in just as good shape, if not better — watch the heads of the older members nodding in unison!

If the same type of setting takes place with a relatively younger group of members, preferably a group of "yuppies" who happen to think that their opinions naturally supersede others, you have to look no further than the Roger Federer vs. Rafael Nadal rivalry. All you have to hope is that one of them happens to be an ardent Nadal fan, and another one of them a Federer fan. In the case of a slow-down, bring up conveniently to the pro-Federer side the tears of the latter at the end of the Australian Open Final and Nadal's lead in the head-to-head count, or to the pro-Nadal side, the large lead Federer enjoys over his rival in just about every other category that really counts. The only thing that should remain constant here is once again the number of beers served; the more the merrier for the clubhouse's well-being.

What about if you happen to be the tournament director who happens to run a popular week-long tournament for a week that has draws for every age category? Wouldn't some of your most memorable moments come in the form of questions by the participants? "Can you please put me on court six? It's on that court that I hear much less the dog barking from the yard of the house next to the clubhouse" ... "Put my match late in the afternoon on that court over there, because it gets shady there after 3 PM" (imperative tone since this particular one happens to be a long-time member with deep pockets) ... "I have had a bad stomach, I am just letting you know in advance, I will have to leave the court to go to the bathroom several times" (and each time turns out to be about 15 minutes in length)...

This following one happens to be when you, as the tournament director, need to advance things quickly the most (speech slightly slurred as a result a few beers): "Can we get a 15-minute break if we split? You know how it is at our age; the body is playin' tricks on ya"; ... "Are you kidding me? I can't play on that court, that is where I lost a match from match point up last year in this very tournament!" ... and finally, a mad parent yelling, "How dare you default my son because he is late one hour for the match? We have been paying members here for seven years!"

What about those members who are on the court, but whose diluted minds in the heat of the sun or under the effects of their age and their inflated egos somehow convince them into believing that they are playing a match on the center court of a big famous tournament and that everyone cares, hence they dare to ask, or rather order, everyone in the outside bar of the clubhouse next to the court to be quiet because they can't concentrate?

How many times have you entered the locker room, only to find the front of your locker invaded by dirty, stinky tennis clothes and socks that the next member just took off before going take a shower, but did not bother to arrange in a manner that allows you to use some of the space on that particular spot of the locker room? And the ones doing this, aren't they always those who happen to take 30-minute showers? Your options are to wait or move the pile yourself to access your locker, in other words, not enviable options at all.

This following moment would be one that no clubhouse manager or the person in charge would want to experience: you hear a loud and agitated voice approaching your vicinity: "Does anyone have a medical kit? There has been an accident in the weight room!"

Here is a moment which makes the day of a club manager who happens to run a club with only hard courts, but who is visiting his or her friend who happens to be running one with clay courts: while you are casually discussing with your friend your weekend activities, the maintenance man reports to your friend that the water sprinklers malfunctioned and did not come on the night before, and that the courts are "bone-dry and about to crack!"

The favorite moment of a club team's captain, assuming that he or she has one cheater on his team with whom nobody wants to partner up to play doubles in the upcoming season of league play: a new and preferably clueless member joins the club, and thus your team, and does not know a thing about anyone since he or she just moved to the area. Perfect!

And finally, I am sure most people have come across those people who complain loud and clear when they are moved from their favorite courts to a another, simply because the local senator who is also a member at the club or some really important and prestigious member wanted that court; and yet, they feel no shame or remorse dropping out of a pre-arranged doubles match with their "friends" at the last minute, because that same senator-member, or "prestigious and important" member called them up to join them for an hour of tennis at that same time.

I am sure I have left many other memorable moments out. If you can think of some of your own personal favorites, feel free to add them with your comments. Have a great beginning to 2011!