Unless you're a Carolina Panthers fan and have been hiding under a paper bag these last few months (hey, it's okay — we understand), you've likely stumbled across a version or 12 of the cultural phenomenon known as "power rankings."
If you are indeed a Panthers fan or simply don't have access to newspapers, the Internet, or television whatsoever, power rankings exist for practically every sport and in practically every sports media publication or website. Since us humans are utterly obsessed with ranking and putting things into ordered lists or rankings of all kinds, this stuff is consistently lapped up the world over. We can't get enough.
As we head into the last days of 2010, I feel that it's prudent to revisit my attempt to popularize what I call the “powerless rankings." Like their name implies, they're akin to your atypical power rankings, except not so powerful. Basically, they offer something different, fresh, and hopefully give fans of the bottom-of-the-barrel teams a place to actually read about them.
Since we obviously can't talk about the teams' prospects at making the playoffs or similar topics, we can and will focus on the future of the franchises and where the bright spots may lie for them. It's all very classy, optimistic, and generally just on the up-and-up, so if you're all dark, brooding, and gloomy, go bring your rain cloud someone else. Because this is kind of a big deal.
Anyway, without further ado, let's get right into it. Presenting the powerless rankings, mid-December 2010 edition.
28. Cincinnati Bengals (2-11)
Expectations were understandably high for the reigning AFC North champions heading into this past September. Carson Palmer finally appeared to be back to his former self since his devastating ACL injury in the 2005 playoffs, the offense had a fully capable, big-game running back in Cedric Benson, and the team added the dramatic, high-maintenance but undeniably talented Terrell Owens to team up with best bud Chad Johnson (I refuse to call him Chad Ochocinco, sorry).
The defense headed into 2010 having finished the season as a top-five defensive unit. After drafting several promising defensive players in the NFL draft, it seemed as if every area of the Bengals was primed for success heading into the season.
Well, we all know what happened now, don't we? To be fair though, the Bengals' record doesn't really do their season justice as six of their 11 losses were decided by a touchdown or less. Not to mention they've had to endure one of the toughest schedules in the league, playing the likes of the Patriots, Buccaneers, Falcons, Colts, Jets, and Saints. And that's not even counting the fact that they had to play their juggernaut fellow divisional opponents, the Ravens, Steelers, and Browns — twice.
The team's biggest problem appears to be its gross inability to finish games or protect leads. Their offense is just as potent as last year — if not more so now with Terrell Owens and new franchise tight end Jermaine Gresham — but their defense has been the team's Achilles Heel by and large. It was a tough decision to put the team here considering everything discussed, but the fact of the matter is that they continuously lose games they could or should have won and it's largely been the defense's fault. In football, it's either a win or a loss. There is no in-between.
29. Detroit Lions (3-10)
This year was supposed to be different. This year, all the pieces were in place and everything was supposed to change. And it wasn't just people in the fine city of Detroit that were believing in the Lions; they happened to be quite a trendy sleeper pick with many national syndicated sports outlets.
Could this year be the year?
As we all found out, no, this year was not the year. Everything started out decently enough, but then Matthew Stafford got injured. Again. Thankfully, it wasn't season-ending and he rehabbed his way back several weeks later. The fans never wavered and they clung to their playoff hopes as tightly as they could. That is, until Stafford got injured ... again.
The good news is that Stafford looked the part of a No. 1 overall franchise quarterback during the time where he was playing injury-free. The bad news is that he was knocked out twice this season due to the very same throwing shoulder injury he was supposed to have rehabbed multiple times. This certainly isn't the kind of thing that bodes well for any player, but it's especially concerning when it's happening to your franchise quarterback.
Luckily for the Lions, they've built strength and depth while patching up the vast majority of glaring weaknesses they've incurred the past few years. Their defense is slowly blossoming into a respectable unit and all signs are pointing towards their high first round draft pick on defense being a success for the first time since, well, when was the last time they struck gold with a first- or second-round draft pick on a defensive player?
Overall, it seems like they've been drafting much, much better since that Matt Millen guy left town, doesn't it? Not to mention the Calvin Johnson/Jahvid Best duo on offense is just one more weapon and a prolonged Stafford return under center away from becoming one of the most feared offensive units in football.
As for this year, there's no shot of them making the playoffs whatsoever, but Lions fans can at least take some comfort in knowing that their team is far from being the worst team in the NFL. And that's a great reason to be very merry this holiday season!
30. Denver Broncos (3-10)
Despite starting off the season with some pretty powerful offensive firepower, the Broncos have dropped four in a row and are without the head coach they started the season with in Josh McDaniels. Whenever your head coach gets fired midseason, you know you have some major issues and most likely need to start worrying about the future of the franchise in lieu of any short-term goals. As such, the Broncos appear to be on the right road in regards to their offense. The Kyle Orton signing is looking more and more genius with each passing month and, when coupled with Knowshon Moreno and Comeback Player of the Year candidate Brandon Lloyd, you have a formula for success. Or rather, you have one half of the formula for success.
Unfortunately for the Broncos, they're completely missing the other half of the formula, a la defense. With the firepower they have on offense, it wouldn't even take a very good defense as even an average-to-decent unit would suffice. But what they have right now is as pathetically bad at preventing teams scoring on them, as the Broncos' offense is stellar at scoring on other defenses. How's that for a polar opposite analogy?
31. Arizona Cardinals (4-9)
The Cardinals haven't fared very well ever since Kurt Warner decided to retire, especially since they didn't have a capable replacement for him. Matt Leinart certainly didn't pan out very well and the Derek Anderson signing, well, that one was just puzzling and also hasn't panned out very well for the team. The one true superstar weapon they have in Larry Fitzgerald is relatively useless without a serviceable quarterback under center. You know, since he requires footballs to be thrown at him accurately and on time and all. We've seen time and time again how teams can still manage when equipped with a solid running game, a good offensive line, and a quarterback who can manage the game while limiting turnovers.
The Cardinals have all of these things, save for a quarterback who can manage a game and limit turnovers. Derek Anderson has good days in him here and there, but his inconsistency coupled with his inaccuracy just doesn't build a very strong case for anyone to want to make him the team's starting quarterback over the next few years. Max Hall, the quarterback whom the Cardinals thought, hoped, and aspired to be their needle-in-the-haystack franchise quarterback of the future them didn't end up working out very well, either. Sure, he's young and hasn't played very much in the NFL, but he hasn't really showed anything to warrant giving him more time to surpass a mammoth learning curve. A 50% completion rate, 4.7 YPA (yards per attempt), and 6:1 interception-to-TD ratio in six games will do that for you.
The last quarterback standing appears to be John Skelton and he is currently the Cardinals' starter under center. While the jury is still out on him, the team seems to be merely grasping at straws at this point. It's high time to draft a franchise starter and/or go out and get one in free agency. Or try and woo Kurt Warner back with promises of free dancing lessons.
32. Carolina Panthers (1-12)
With DeAngelo Williams injured and Jimmy Clausen proving it's highly unlikely that he has what it takes to succeed long-term as an NFL starting running back (which shouldn't really be a shocker; does everyone forget how few games this kid won at Notre Dame?), well...
My mother always said if I didn't have anything nice to say about something or someone, then don't say it at all. So, since I have plenty of bad things to say about the Panthers, their coaching staff, and their front office, in the spirit of Christmas and the holiday season, I'm not going to say anything at all. Other than that I'm a huge DeAngelo Williams fan and hopes he catches the first bus out of Carolina as soon as his free agency eligibility kicks in.
Dishonorable mentions — Tennessee Titans, Washington Redskins
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