MLB Logos, Past and Present (Pt. 3)

Also see: MLB Logos, Past and Present Pt. 1 and Pt. 2

Milwaukee Brewers

Ah, the halcyon days of yesteryear, when we felt free to use logos of a baseball-playing keg, compete with a tap for the nose. Or is that the tap on the back of his head? Nah, I think that's just a tumor. Anyway, for most of the last 20 years, the Brewers' logos have been boring, but I'll always remember the epiphany I felt in deconstructing their '80s logo. "Huh. It's a glove with a ball in it. Hey, that glove only has four fingers. Hey! It makes an M and a B! Mom, lookit this! Can you tell what this is supposed to be? Yeah! That's right!"

Chicago Cubs

If you scroll down to alternate logos, you'll see our little bear growing up. First, he's happy. Then he's chill. Then he's half-bear, half-owl. Then he's angry. Now, he is walking on his own. So I think this will be next.

St. Louis Cardinals

Coming up next on "E! True Hollywood Stories: The Rise and Fall of the St. Louis Cardinal." At first, he was content to just perch on a bat with his brother. But then he learned to bat. And pitch. Pretty soon, he was the Cardinals' best player. But the success went straight to his head. His behavior and sense of humor grew increasingly erratic and controversial, until he showed up at a banquet honoring Ozzie Smith in blackface. They say he was the bird who introduced Mark McGwire to steroids.

Houston Astros

I'm one of the few that liked their orange marmalade jerseys. Wanna fight about it? But the most interesting thing about the Astros is that they started off as the Houston Colt .45s. Imagine, in this day and age, when the Washington Bullets change their name to the Wizards (and as any good Pat Robertson devotee will tell you, witchcraft is far more dangerous than guns), Houston actually named themselves after a type of gun, with a logo suggesting it had recently been fired.

Cincinnati Reds

I feel like I already said all I have to say about the Reds in my Mets entry in part two: baseball head wars. So instead I will use this space to point you in the direction of the USFL's San Antonio Gunslingers logo. Get a load of that! They used it on their helmets and everything, circle and all.

Pittsburgh Pirates

Happy Pirate!
Pensive Pirate!
Angry Pirate!
Pirate during a three-day rum binge through the West Indies!
DEAD PIRATE!

San Francisco Giants

The Giants have remained pretty steady and boring over the years, both in New York and California, and sadly never feature any giant running amok and stomping buildings. I will say, however, that I like the alternate script font they have been known to use, and I wish they would make it primary.

Los Angeles Dodgers

The Dodgers have remained pretty steady and boring over the years, both in New York and California, and sadly never feature anyone dodging anything, like bullets or the draft, or overly restrictive municipal labor laws. I will say, however ... well, I don't have an out for this sentence.

Colorado Rockies

Is there some sort of rule you can't join the NL West unless your logos are boring and impossible to meaningfully bloviate about? Give me something to work with! Here's a logo from the old World Football League's Honolulu Hawaiians. There, I feel better.

San Diego Padres

This is more like it. First, they had the greatest cartoon-style logo in the history of sports. Second, they used brown, yellow and orange as their colors, perhaps the only sports team ever to do so. And I liked it! Why is brown such a no-no to everyone but the Cleveland Browns and Wyoming Cowboys? So what if it's the color of poop?

But like all good things, this too had to pass, and they replaced it with something even more boring than the Giants and Dodgers. My favorite part is how it says "Baseball Club" at the bottom. What is this mysterious and frightening "Padres" entity of which you speak? Why do I care about a bunch of Spanish-speaking priests ... oh! It's a BASEBALL CLUB! Okay then!

But what do I know? I'm a fan of the Cleveland Indians Baseball Organization, LLC.

Arizona Diamondbacks

The D-Backs have changed their look quite a bit for such a young team. They started off meh. Then they went for a look that reminded me very much of Disney. Finally, in 2007, they settled on a snake's penis.