Tony Kornheiser, “Come On” Yourself!

Tony Kornheiser is generally a curmudgeonly fellow, but he's got a degree of self-awareness that is rarely found among sports media folk. That's why I was shocked by what he had to say about Hannah Storm on his radio show earlier this week.

First, I was shocked Tony Kornheiser still had a radio show. I know ESPN upgraded massively to Colin Cowherd many a year ago, but I didn't know Kornheiser was still doing a show at an affiliate. I'm glad we still have shows hosted by people that grew up before radio was invented.

Second, I'm shocked he was hating on Hannah Storm. Here's what Kornheiser said:

"Hannah Storm in a horrifying, horrifying outfit today. She's got on red go-go boots and a Catholic school plaid skirt ... way too short for somebody in her 40s or maybe early-50s by now. She's got on her typically very, very tight shirt. She looks like she has sausage casing wrapping around her upper body ... I know she's very good, and I'm not supposed to be critical of ESPN people, so I won't ... but Hannah Storm ... come on now! Stop! What are you doing? ... She's what I would call a Holden Caulfield fantasy at this point."

Come on, Hannah? Forget that, come on, Tony! Hannah Storm is one of the true underdog stories in the history of the female body. Right now, she's painfully close to that Barry Bonds line. She's at the stage where I'm just amazed that someone her age can still put up outstanding numbers.

A quick glance at Wikipedia reveals that Hannah Storm is 87-years-old and was born on the ice planet Hoth. I'm pretty sure Hoth is a "Star Wars" reference, which is making me question the 87 years thing, but we can all agree that Hannah Storm is not young. Whether she's 87 or 47, she looks good for it (if it really is 87, she looks tremendous).

Whether or not she's been dabbling in performance enhancers is something we'll discover in the coming years (and like Bonds and Sammy Sosa and those guys, it will probably happen before Congress). For now, let's just enjoy what she's been able to pull off.

ESPN is the station with Erin Andrews. And for every Erin Andrews out there, there's 1000x Erin Andrews wannabes at colleges across the nation waiting for their call up to the big-leagues. Hannah Storm is in an incredibly difficult position. She's an aging vet in a ruthless industry that is powered by young hot chicks.

Tony shouldn't be chastising her, he should be saying one thing: "god bless her." If she can put her game together that well, at her advanced age, well, that's an inspiration for the rest of the world.

I used to work at a radio station on a morning show. The TVs in the studio had to be on mute so our TV schedule was based purely on the attractiveness of the hosts. We watched Rachel Ray for awhile until we realized her mouth was alarmingly large (she looks like she could deep-throat a six-foot submarine sandwich, and I say that because of her physically large mouth and because of her expanding waist size). We also used to watch "The View" at the end of the show because at least Elisabeth Hasselbeck is hot (much hotter when you don't have to hear what she's saying).

"SportsCenter" was a constant, as well and that's only because of Hannah Storm. She redefined the quality veteran genre (famous hot chicks over 40).

It's sort of similar to the career resurgence Sandra Bullock is experiencing. It's extremely rare when a 45-year-old actress can propel two separate movies to blockbuster status in the same year. Similarly, it's extremely rare that a 47-year-old TV anchor can pull off the plaid Catholic school-girl skirt and super tight top. More power to her.

The tightest clothing I'd ever want to see Tony Kornheiser wear is a circus tent. Tony just needs to focus on finding a store besides Goodwill to shop at and a different couch to sit on at the mall. Let Hannah Storm do her thing, and let Tony do his. What's Hannah Storm's thing? Dressing like she's 25. What's Kornheiser's? Whatever Wilford Brimley tells him to do.