NCAA Tournament Expansion? No!

I have no idea who my Congressman is or whether or not I voted for him/her. I don't know if they have been involved in any sort of scandal (if they have, I hope it's awesome) or even if they kill small woodland creatures with their bare hands for sport. For all I care, my Congressman could eat a baby sandwich for lunch everyday and wash it down with a glass of the hopes and dreams of common Americans liquefied. I don't care how evil he likely is, because I need his help to save the NCAA tournament.

As with any Internet story, there are a hundred attributions so no one can get in trouble. In this case, the sports blog SPORTSbyBROOKS.com is reporting that someone "in the know" is reporting that the NCAA board people are in negotiations to expand the NCAA basketball tournament from the glorious 64 teams to a preposterous 96.

I try not to care about politics. The reality is that our government is controlled by big business and individual Congress people take enjoyment out of having metaphorical non-consensual anal intercourse with the American people in the process. I've conceded this as gospel for years so nothing that happens in this country really surprises me anymore.

You want to invade a country on made-up grounds? Go for it, just remember to pack a lunch. You want to change healthcare, but then not really change healthcare? Swell, sounds like a fun afternoon in the park with your best friends. Want to crash our financial system and then give some free money out to the people responsible? I couldn't care less.

But the NCAA tournament expanding to 96 teams under your watch and you do nothing? What the hell? There has to be a blood price paid to rectify this situation should it come to pass.

You may think it's childish of me not to care if the government is spying on me, but to get riled up when they let the NCAA tournament fall apart, but if you think that, then all I can say is you suck and your mom is ugly.

The NCAA tournament is one of the few absolute pearls the sports world has left. It is perfect. Sixty-four teams is easy enough to fit on a bracket. I'm not going to fill out a bracket that has teams in tiny print to fit them all in and I'm not taping two pieces of bracket together to fit all 96 teams in my viewing plane.

I don't know if this is enough to cause another revolution in this country, but it could be. The cowardly swine on the NCAA board of dickwads are dealing with the economical difficulties of this time by trying to milk every last penny from everywhere they can. Screw that.

I say rather than bastardize the one thing that still gives millions of sports fans unadulterated joy, they should immediately lay off half of their payrolls to alleviate pressure. I would rather people I don't know go hungry and die than to have my NCAA tournament messed with.

And why hasn't government intervened? They have all the time in the world to have hearings about garbage like steroids in baseball and threaten to change the BCS, but they can't fix the one thing that needs serious intervention to stay sanctified.

My only hope is that President Obama can somehow fix all of this nonsense. He's a basketball guy himself; surely he knows this country could potentially crumble if the field was expanded to 96.

Really, in my book, the government can run this country into the ground carte blanche, lining their pockets along the way, as long as I don't feel the effects of their mismanagement. And if my NCAA tournament gets fornicated non-consensually, then it really is time to move to Canada.