The holiday season is winding down and another Christmas has come and gone. Students are enjoying the winter break and heading to see their school's football team play in a bowl game if they're lucky, while conference play gets underway in basketball.
But the Christmas hangover has left a mess on the college football field. There are players under investigation and coaches "taking a leave of absence" unexpectedly. It looked like Santa was a little too busy drinking the eggnog instead of the milk and didn't help the cause.
I consider myself to be a friendly and helpful person, so I decided to stick around and help clean up after everybody. While doing so, I stumbled upon a few pieces of paper that the man in the red suit left behind: Christmas letters to Santa.
The first one I found was from USC's Joe McKnight. The junior running back ran for more than 1,000 yards for the first time in a Trojans uniform and helped a rebuilt USC team.
Dear Santa,
I feel like I've been a good boy this year, as I'm having my most productive season this year. Everything is going great, so I don't really know what I want this year. I got a new phone earlier this year, an Xbox 360 over the summer and a nice iPod this past semester.
I've even been riding my 2006 Land Rover around campus. Well, it's not mine. It's registered to another guy, who just happens to own a company called USC Marketing. But USC doesn't stand for what you think. It stands for United States-China. You know, like international marketing. And that website he owns about me — 4joemcknight.com — doesn't mean anything. It's just a website. And as for the car, I don't even have to pay for it. My girlfriend makes all the payments. But I'm the one who gets to drive it. Okay, well, I know it sounds confusing, but trust me, it all makes sense.
Um, I guess I wouldn't mind new rims and a stereo system for the SUV, then. I hope I'm still on the good list.
Joe #4
McKinght's letter got a little confusing and had me thinking for a while as I was cleaning up. But then I came across a letter from former — or still current — head coach of the Florida Gators, Urban Meyer.
Dear Santa,
It's been a while since I've written to you, but I feel like I have the time to do so. And now that I'm back with the kids and doing a lot of family stuff, I decided to write you a letter with them. It's a nice feeling to not have to worry about coaching players or mentoring young players. I finally have time for my family.
And I know I've been a good boy this year. After all, who couldn't be with a player like Tim Tebow leading your team? He's so nice. He's the best quarterback — no, football player — in the whole wide world. This whole team was great. They should be fighting for a national championship right now, but that's not the way things worked out. Oh, well, they'll have a great time in the Sugar Bowl.
Actually, now that I think about it, I want to go there, too, and be with the boys. I don't think I'm going to resign and rather just take some time to enjoy the holidays. After that, it's back to the old grind.
Just give me some good health and we'll be good to go. At least I'm not in South Bend.
Thanks,
Urban
Speaking of South Bend, there was another note from former head coach Charlie Weis on the ground.
Hey Santa,
I don't even know what to say about this past year. I thought I was good, but my team was bad. My wish already came true: I'm out of Notre Dame. Finally.
I'm cool with some new sweatpants and a half-dozen Krispy Kreme donuts.
Thanks,
Chuck
There was another letter that I found from Texas Tech head coach Mike Leach, but it was hard to read. It looked like it was written in the darkest place of the Red Raiders locker room. Maybe next year.
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