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October 30, 2009

World Series Game 2: "That's Like, Wow, He Was On"

The A.J. Burnett who makes you reach for the meds and maybe the couch? He wasn't anywhere within 40 nautical miles of the south Bronx Thursday night. In his place was the A.J. Burnett who makes you think that if you blink, he can shut you out without your bats getting off your shoulders. Those pesky first-pitch strikes to the first 11 Phillies he faced had a lot to do with that impression.

The Pedro Martinez who knows in his heart he isn't the Pedro Martinez he used to be, but let his brains take over where his repertoire had no firepower, and stifled the team who raised him from a pup in the National League Championship Series? He showed up Thursday night, too. And he flicked off the near-inevitable "Who's your daddy?" chants from the Yankee Stadium crows gave the Phillies the best of the thinking man's junk he now has to offer.

Burnett has been known to implode when things get a little dicey, whether on the mound or on the disabled list. But this time the diciest scrape the Phillies could drop on him did nothing to light the fuse. "This," said an admiring Jimmy Rollins, after the Yankees hung in for a 3-1 Game 2 win to send the World Series tied at one to Philadelphia, "was a big game, and he was big for them. And that's not like him. That's like, wow, he was on."

And the Phillies had their own Game 1 lancer to thank for it. Believe it ... or not.

When Cliff Lee spoke calmly after his masterpiece about calm confidence and faith in his repertoire, Burnett was listening. Several reports indicated he happened to be walking past the clubhouse kitchen when he heard Lee's voice in an on-field postgame interview. He decided to sit and listen. The Phillies probably wish they could have found a way to pull the plug.

Who would have figured that the man who'd waxed the Yankees so authoritatively the night before would have given the Empire Emeritus's Game 2 starter what he needed to pin the Phillies' ears back beneath their helmet flaps? "[A]ll I told myself last night and tonight was the same thing," Burnett said. "I went out with confidence and ... the game just rolled by."

Well, not exactly. Not when the Phillies pried an early 1-0 lead out of him and put five of their first fourteen on base against him. Only it might have seemed as though the game was just rolling by — literally, too. That was some nasty save catcher Jose Molina made on the 0-2 curve ball Burnett threatened to bury in the home plate dirt in the Philadelphia fourth, after Jayson Werth opened with a base hit. That was an even nastier throw up the line to pick Werth off dead.

Molina probably should have been named the game MVP for that one. All he did was wing one up the line that may have done more to keep Burnett from vaporizing than anything any other Yankee could have done short of leaving the television set unmolested the night before. On a night Derek Jeter is striking out thrice and Alex Rodriguez — whose postseason coming-out party has been rudely interrupted by Philadelphia pitching — is becoming an historical figure in the wrong way, going down on strikes for his fourth, fifth, and sixth time over the first two Series games, the Yankees needed something with which to even it up.

They got Mark Teixiera shaking off his .181 postseason average to date by driving a 1-0 pitch into the right center field seats to open the Yankee fourth and tie it up at one. They got Hideki Matsui answering two Martinez swishouts (of Teixiera and A-Rod) with a 1-2 service sent not too far away from where Teixiera's blast landed to break the tie.

They got Jorge Posada — pinch-hitting for Molina with Burnett about to yield to The Mariano and Philadelphia manager Charlie Manuel possibly having left Martinez a little too long for comfort (shades of Grady Little?) and with a pair of Yankees aboard (Brett Gardner, running for leadoff singler Jerry Hairston, Jr.; Melky Cabrera, who'd singled Gardner to second) — singling up the pipe on 1-2 to send home Gardner off reliever Chan-Ho Park, before reliever Scott Eyre got Johnny Damon to line into a double play for the side.

And they got The Mariano in for a six-out save that even he had to earn the hard way, the Phillies finding a way to load up first and second with one out, including Rollins wringing him for an 11-pitch walk that included four straight 2-2 foul-offs against a pitcher whose history of breaking bats en route yet another save seemed to have disappeared into the same ether as had Burnett's history of self-implosion.

But he is still The Mariano, and he is still capable of shaking away a Chase Utley wringing a full count out of him and throwing even the Phillies' guiding force a cutter that has double play stamped on the hide.

Or — after dropping a called third strike in on Ryan Howard with not a single ball in the count, and getting Werth to line out right to Robinson Cano at second on a 2-2 count — shaking away a Raul Ibanez double to the rear end of the yard before teasing Matt Stairs (whose two-out single to left sent Ibanez home with the lone Phillies run in the second) with two strikes, two balls, and a swishout that brought the wind chill factor down to about 15-below for the game.

The Phillies must have been wondering where went that 5-7/4.75 ERA they'd hung on Burnett lifetime before Game 2 disappeared. The Yankees must have been wondering whether Manuel had learned anything from Grady Little, who'd committed to Martinez's heart without bothering to check whether the tank had anything left in 2003.

Except for Teixiera and Matsui, Martinez worked with guile and thought and kept the Yankees at bay until he'd thrown 99 pitches and Manuel — who'd hooked him with a lead after a mere 87 pitches in Dodger Stadium only to see the game escape — let Pedro talk him into going one more inning with the bottom of the Yankee order coming up.

"He said that he was fine," the manager told reporters after the game. "He said that he wanted to go back out and pitch. The bottom of the lineup was up, and I thought he hadn't lost anything."

As in 2003, he hadn't lost his heart but he'd exhausted what was left of his repertoire well enough to notice. And Yankee manager Joe Girardi, whose own decision-making has left more than a few shaking heads in its wake, got to see a decision of his pay off big for a change: he'd decided to bench Nick Swisher, whose postseason slump has become something of a New York anti-legend thus far, in favor of Hairston — who hadn't faced Martinez since Pedro wore the silks of the Olde Towne Team.

"He definitely had that electric fastball then," Hairston mused after the game, "but his command might be even better now. He was spotting pitches on me that I thought were balls when I was at the plate. Then I went back and looked at the film during the game. And they were strikes. They were pitcher's pitches. He got me the first two at-bats and the third at-bat, I was able to fight and claw and do something off him."

It was enough to make Girardi resemble a genius and Manuel a midget. On a night when Burnett shook off his bad side and stayed within his best side, that was the first thing Girardi needed and the last thing Manuel could have wanted.

The Mariano made Girardi look even more like a genius, too, even if Girardi was acting on behalf of three factors that made the move imperative: 1) Lately, Girardi trusts the rest of his bullpen, with reason enough, about as much as a lamb-chop trusts itself to escape a wolf. 2) His main man isn't exactly the three-and-gone finisher type that gives closers a dubious name. ("Even in 1996 when I caught him and he was the setup guy," Girardi recalled, "he would go more than two innings at a time.") And, 3) Everyone had the day off Friday. It wasn't as though he couldn't play the option come Saturday, if need be.

But The Mariano also made Manuel look further like a chump when Manuel held his runners with Utley at the plate. "I don't want Utley to hit into a line-drive double play," Manuel said afterward. "And I don't want Jimmy Rollins to get thrown out at third base. I want Howard hitting in the inning." So, naturally, and after a very dubious strike call on a pitch that left at least a hand width of space between itself and the outside black of the plate, Utley dialed Area Code 4-6-3. Inning over.

"I can't answer it," Jeter said of the Yankee bullpen bellwether when it was over. "Maybe he can answer it."

Don't bet on it. "Everything," The Mariano said coolly enough when it was over, "starts with the starter." But even he didn't realize Game 2's doings started with the other guys' Game 1 starter.

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Posted by Jeff Kallman at 6:12 PM | Comments (0)

October 29, 2009

Steve Phillips Saves America's Self-Esteem

The world has been rocked by Steve Phillips and his complete lack of standards when it comes to choosing a mistress. A lowly producer at ESPN, that happens to double as a homely lady, has rocked the foundation of this country. And we may have turned a corner for good.

If you're unaware of the fracas, former baseball "mastermind" turned sex-addict-turned ESPN analyst-turned sex addict again Steve Phillips was fired from his post in Bristol after the story of his affair hit the papers. ESPN claimed he could no longer accurately analyze baseball.

From that, I infer that ESPN is saying if he can't properly analyze women, then he has no shot as analyzing something as complex as our nation's pastime.

The NY Post was the leading organization when it came to labeling the mistress as unattractive. They referred to her as a "shlubby seductress" on several occasions and also used some other descriptors that are simply too foul to run in this publication.

The story garnered major press and prompted ESPN-hating Deadspin to launch a hilarious attack on numerous ESPN personalities and throw around sexual harassment charges like candy from a parade float.

With sexual harassment shrapnel flying everywhere, the key lesson in this entire saga has been glossed over. No longer is sleeping to work your way to the top reserved for the sexy girls out there. This is a monumental shift in gender relations in this country.

2009 is a year of change. We have our first African-American president, which many thought was impossible. Now, we have "schlubby seductresses" sleeping their way to the top, which no one thought was possible. At least not in the sport realm.

This is the type of story that should make you feel warm inside. This is a true underdog story. The schlubby seductress probably has some A-level talent to compete against when it comes to seducing those in power at the worldwide leader in sports.

I've been to Bristol; there are attractive women there. And we know how much pressure is put on young girls to look "beautiful" and it ruins the self-esteem of girls everywhere.

Not anymore. Now, they have a new hero. It's not Barbie, it's the Seabiscuit of inter-office affairs. She proves to girls everywhere that you can still pound that extra bag of donuts after dessert and put that trip to the gym off indefinitely and still have the ability to sleep your way to the top.

Sure, this one isn't the first. Monica Lewinsky is the patron saint of this movement but really, one high-profile case is an exception. Not a rule. And that wasn't prolonged. Lewinsky was never elevated to "mistress" status. She wasn't there for deep conversations and for thought-provoking discussion. She wasn't going to get promoted to Secretary of State for her extracurriculars.

Schlubby, though, could have. She was sleeping with a mover and a shaker. Someone that could get stuff done. And she (probably?) had her future in mind when going after this goal with all her lust.

Forget that she's batshit crazy, just look at her for what she is. Proof that you don't need to look like a beauty queen to attract the interest of an older man with (presumably?) some money.

From my standpoint, this is a story about equality. I think many people would agree with me that it's sexist to judge women by things like cup-size and "attractiveness."

Now you can judge them by how many chins they have. And if that's not progress, I don't know what is.

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Posted by Mark Chalifoux at 1:02 PM | Comments (1)

NFL Weekly Predictions: Week 8

Note: the quotes in this article are fictional.

Seattle @ Dallas (-9)

With Miles Austin emerging as Tony Romo's favorite target, and the Cowboys' offense second in the league in total yards, life in Dallas is copacetic, with Terrell Owens the last thing on Romo's mind.

"Hey, I like throwing the ball and saying 'Miles, away!'" says Romo, "almost as much as the fact that T.O. is 'miles away.' I feel like I'm 'on the same page' with all my receivers. In fact, I'm on Jason Witten's Facebook page as we speak, sending him a 'more than friends' request."

With injuries their biggest concern, the Seahawks welcomed Week 7's bye, and should be relatively healthy for Sunday's contest in Big D. Seattle will be the first NFC West team to visit the brand-new, $1 billion Cowboy Stadium.

"I hear that place is as cavernous as Wade Phillips' huge noggin," says Matt Hasselbeck. "Somebody tell the Peanuts Linus that the Great Pumpkin has indeed arrived. I also hear there's a horribly disfigured creature that inhabits the upper regions of the structure, and often makes it way down to the field, where its voice has been known to influence the coach."

That's true, Matt. Suffice it to say that creature is not "The Manster," Randy White.

Dallas wins, 26-13.

Houston @ Buffalo (+3½)

After a 24-21 win over the 49ers, the Texans are 4-3, second in the AFC South, with a Week 9 meeting with the Colts looming. Before that, however, they'll have to get by the surprising 3-4 Bills, who, despite their 27th-ranked offense, are only two games out of first in the AFC East.

"We have no intentions of looking past the Bills," says Matt Schaub. "They're riding a two-game winning streak, and they're winning in typical Buffalo, blue-collar fashion. Sure, their offense is ranked 27th, and their defense isn't much better, ranked 24th, but that's the kind of balance most teams would welcome. Balance defines that team — they're winning with equal parts 'smoke' and equal parts 'mirrors.'"

Ryan Fitzpatrick will make his second consecutive start while Trent Edwards recovers from a concussion suffered two weeks ago. The Harvard-educated Fitzpatrick is a quick study, and reportedly mastered the playbook in one sitting, while head coach and Yale grad Dick Jauron learned it the old-fashioned way — he fired the offensive coordinator.

"One would think," says Jauron, "that our combined intellect would be able to successfully manufacture some offense. For whatever reason, we've been Ivy 'be-leaguered.'"

There's precipitation in the forecast for Sunday. Unfortunately for the Bills, it's not snow. Instead, it's the tears from Owens' imminent breakdown. With Andre Johnson less than 100%, the Texans ride Steve Slaton to victory. Slaton rushes for 123 yards and a touchdown.

Houston wins, 30-14.

Minnesota @ Green Bay (-3)

Brett Favre's long-awaited homecoming in Green Bay is upon us, and it couldn't have been scripted any better. The Vikes are 6-1 with the Packers close behind at 4-2, and a Packer win would forge a practical tie atop the division. The Packers have won two straight by a combined 57-3 score, while Minnesota lost for the first time last week, falling to the Steelers 27-17 in Pittsburgh.

"This may be the most anticipated event in Green Bay since my first tearful retirement press conference," says Favre. "This game has the potential to be a real barnburner. Throw in some snow and Matt Hasselbeck, and you've got the makings of a true classic."

"I'm not sure how the fans will react to my return. I'm not expecting casserole for my homecoming. With the game taking place a day after Halloween, it's appropriate to say my reception will be 'Trick or Treat.' That's just fine. I don't mind Halloween-themed events, nor do my teammates, who just enjoyed a cruise on Lake Minnetonka on the SS Ghostly Tail."

"I guess I can expect somewhat of a cool reception in Green Bay. I was once considered a god there, but it seems my status as a deity is no longer. It looks as though my inability to 'decide' has resulted in a case of 'deicide.' That's a 'vowel movement' this 40-year-old would rather not experience."

Favre's counterpart, Aaron Rodgers, was sacked 8 times in the Packers' 30-23 loss in Minnesota in Week 4. Jared Allen recorded 4.5 of those sacks, as well as a forced fumble.

"We can't have a repeat of the last game," says Rodgers. "Allen is an avid outdoorsman; there's nothing he likes more than a 'sitting duck,' or a 'deer in the headlights.' After last time, I think my offensive line owes me better protection. They're beholden to me. And, if they don't think they can stop the Vikings' front four fairly, then they better 'be holdin'."

What will there be more of when Favre comes to town? Gunslinging or mudslinging? Packer head coach Mike McCarthy has stressed all week a Viagra theme to his offensive linemen, because their job is to keep Rodgers upright. And, like the decision to retire, that's easier said than done.

Vikings win, 27-23, as a stunned hush falls upon the stadium, not a Lambeau "peep" to be heard.

St. Louis @ Detroit (-5)

The Rams are one of three winless teams in the NFL, joining the Buccaneers and Titans in the ranks of teams looking to break into the win column in Week 8. The Rams are 0-7, and have lost 17 straight regular season games, Running back Steven Jackson, third in the NFL with 635 rushing yards, has been one of the Rams few bright spots.

"Few bright spots?" says Jackson. "How about lone bright spot? When I'm asked to name one good thing about the Rams, I like to quote another Jackson, Michael Jackson, when I say 'this is it.'"

"As for our 17-game losing streak, well, it's nothing to be proud of. But this is: our playoff losing streak is holding firmly at one. Can anyone but the Steelers top that?"

The Lions are still debating the availability of rookie quarterback Matthew Stafford, who is still feeling the effects of a knee injury suffered on October 4th. If Stafford can't play, Daunte Culpepper will get the start.

"Despite our records," says Stafford, "I think one thing is perfectly clear for the Lions and Rams: we're both better off with Matt Millen and Rush Limbaugh in their respective studios."

"I'm ready to go if my knee can hold up. His injury has given me ample time for film study of the Rams. I've spent so much time in the video vault that my teammates have started calling me one of 'The Men Who Stare at Sheep.'"

What's more difficult than watching this game? Picking a winner.

Detroit wins, 27-24.

Miami @ NY Jets (-4)

The Jets are 4-3 after blasting the Raiders 38-0 in Oakland while forcing the benching of JaMarcus Russell. After Mark Sanchez threw 5 interceptions in the Jets' loss to the Bills, New York kept the offense simple, calling a whopping 54 rushes while passing only 15 times.

"I think that's a gentle way of the offensive coordinator of saying 'we don't have faith in you,'" says Sanchez. "As opposed to the more abrupt manner of saying the same thing, which I experienced while walking along the New Jersey Turnpike, where I was nailed in the noggin with a can tossed by an obviously frustrated Jets fan, who yelled 'hey, think fast, Sanchez.'"

"Obviously, I don't have to think fast when throwing only 15 times, nor when I'm gobbling a hot dog in the Black Hole. Already I regret doing that, but not nearly as much as I regret actually saying 'gobbling a hot dog in the Black Hole.'"

Miami nearly pulled off an upset of the undefeated Saints last week, blowing a 24-3 lead before falling 46-34. That loss left the 'Fins with a 2-4 record, good for last in the AFC East. So Sunday's game in the Meadowlands has to be considered a must-win game.

"Before we get a nation of teeny-boppers all aflutter," says Tony Sparano, "let's just clarify this story about 'Mark Sanchez's wiener.' It's a hot dog, folks. If one New York player equates playing the Raiders to a 'scrimmage,' then it's perfectly fine for another New York player to enjoy a frank during another Oakland destruction. Heck, this isn't a first for a Jet quarterback. Joe Namath tried to enjoy a foot-long on the sidelines before, but Suze Kolber would have no part of it. She obviously didn't want to go 'all the way.'"

With a 31-27 loss to the Dolphins in Week 5 still fresh in their minds, vengeance is in the heads of the Jets. Revenge won't come unless New York can find a solution to stopping Miami's "wildcat" offense, which baffled them earlier. Maybe the answer is giving the Dolphins a taste of their own medicine, though. Rex Ryan may be a defensive genius, but he's got some offensive ideas up his sleeve as well, like the "public option," a variation of the wishbone that gives Sanchez four options, none involving a pass.

New York wins, 22-20.

San Francisco @ Indianapolis (-11)

The Indianapolis juggernaut continued to roll, as the Colts bested the winless Rams, 42-6, improving to 6-0 with a critical stretch of games approaching. After hosting the 49ers, Indy welcomes AFC South rival Houston to Lucas Oil Stadium, followed by a visit from the Patriots. Then Indy travels to Baltimore before facing the Texans, this time in Houston.

"I haven't run that kind of gauntlet since I filmed seven commercials in the span of 15 hours," says Manning. "Don't get me wrong. I enjoy the endorsement aspect of my job. But it can become grueling, like it did when I worked on the DirecTV ad featuring my brother Eli and I. I swear it took the director and I at least an hour to convince Eli that the word 'Omaha' was not in the script."

"As for the 49ers, this game will be about receivers. There are two of the best pass-catching tight ends in Dallas Clark and Vernon Davis. After one game, it's clear that Michael Crabtree is a talent, a true 'keeper.' Or, in bail bondsman speak, a 'retainer.' Reggie Wayne is possibly the most technically-gifted wideout in the NFL, and 'boy,' is Pierre Garçon a talent. His favorite pattern? The 'allez' route. He deserves a lot of credit, as do his parents for naming him."

After starting quarterback Sean Hill struggled last week against the Texans, Alex Smith took over and promptly led the 49ers to three second-half touchdowns, all scoring passes to tight end Vernon Davis. Mike Singletary has named Smith the starter for Sunday's contest.

"Alex has done something he's yet to do as a professional," says Singletary. "He's earned the starting position."

"Now, as for the Colts, I'll have to call on all of my defensive knowledge to devise a game plan to slow Manning. His football IQ is off the charts. And he could sell sunglasses to a blind man. Is there anything at which he doesn't excel? Yeah, there is. Take it from one of the 1985 Chicago Bears — Manning can't rap. I should know. I've got Samurai 'mic' skills. How does that help me stop Manning? It doesn't, but I'll be able to rhyme my congratulations after we go down."

Manning versus Smith? Edge to Manning. And also "edge" to Dwight Freeney and Robert Mathis, who will both turn the corner on their blistering "edge" rushes and harass Smith.

Indianapolis wins, 34-17.

Cleveland @ Chicago (-13½)

For the Bears, the shame of a 45-10 blowout loss in Cincinnati will be hard to forget, but a visit from the lowly Browns and their unstable quarterbacking situation should more than start the healing process. Chicago has lost two straight, and desperately needs a confidence-building win over the 1-6 Browns.

"It certainly wasn't pretty in Cincinnati," says Lovie Smith. "We basically let the Bengals have their way with us. Heck, I guess you could call Cedric Benson 'Goldilocks,' because he not only found our porridge, chairs, and beds to his liking, but also our defense."

"I object to Cedric's claims that we 'badmouthed' him after releasing him. He 'badmouthed' himself, with alcohol breath when he failed Breathalyzer tests after driving and boating mishaps years ago."

Turmoil is an appropriate word to describe the situation in Cleveland, where Derek Anderson continues to struggle at quarterback. It's rumored that head coach Eric Mangini is refusing to play Brady Quinn to deny Quinn millions of dollars in incentives for playing time, saving the team money that could be better spent, or in Browns lingo, wasted, on say, another quarterback.

"Look, I won't lie," says Mangini. "Sure, I'm trying to save the team some money, but I'm also trying to save Quinn the embarrassment. Besides, with the new season of 'I Want to Work For Diddy' just days away, I'm giving Quinn a head start as the first contestant on the companion show, 'I Want to Work For Diddly.'"

What's the big deal about giving Quinn playing time? Start him, and he's apt to be pulled after a quarter or two. Doesn't Mangini see the simplicity in the quarterback situation? Choosing a starter? That's difficult. Deciding who to bench? That's easy.

Chicago wins, 31-6.

Denver @ Baltimore (-4)

With three consecutive losses, the Ravens desperately need a win to keep pace with the division-leading Bengals and Steelers, who are 5-2. A win over the Broncos will keep Baltimore hot on the tails of the division leaders. However, a loss, and Baltimore will fall below .500 for the first time this year, a scenario Ray Lewis would like to avoid.

"3-4?" quoth the Raven. "3-4? We don't want to go there. I think even the great Edgar Allan Poe would agree that that would probably result in a 'Premature Burial' to our playoff plans."

"If nothing else, though, we're playing for pride. Defensively, we're not playing up to our capabilities. We're lacking passion and fire. In keeping with the Poe theme, who was known to have a drinking problem, we're suffering from an 'absinthe' of malice."

Josh McDaniels has brought youthful exuberance to the head-coaching position in Denver, and the players have quickly bought into his system. The Broncos are 6-0 and boast a three game lead in the AFC West.

"I wear my emotions on my sleeve," says McDaniels, "whereas Mike Shanahan wore his on his face. It's no wonder Jay Cutler and Brandon Marshall were 'seeing red' when I got here — they had been conditioned to do so."

"I'll put my defense up against the Ravens any day. 'The Raven' may be big in Baltimore, but 'The Hawk,' Brian Dawkins is hot in Denver. I'd like to say this is a contest between two great defenses, but I can't. Because the Ravens are playing."

Broncos win, 19-17.

Jacksonville @ Tennessee (-3)

If the sight of Tennessee head coach Jeff Fisher in a Peyton Manning jersey has proved anything, it's that Titan attempts at humor should be best left to the field of play. Fisher is still feeling the backlash after he removed his coat and tie to reveal a No. 18 Manning jersey at a fundraiser just days after a humiliating 59-0 loss to the Patriots.

"Hey, what's the big deal?" says Fisher. "Usually, when there's a Titan around and someone starts removing clothing, people get shot. This was just harmless fun."

"What's wrong with being able to laugh at ourselves? Heck, everybody else is. In hindsight, however, I guess it wasn't a wise thing to do. I think most people are surprised that an intelligent, reserved man such as myself would pull that type of stunt. I guess even the best of us drop a 'smart bomb' on occasion."

Unlike the Titans, the Jaguars have something to play for, and that's a futile chase to catch the Colts in the AFC South race. The Jags are 3-3 and realize that losing games to winless teams will quickly undermine playoff aspirations.

"I, like many, was stunned to see Fisher in a Manning jersey," says Jack Del Rio. "But at least the sight of Fisher in a Manning jersey makes waves. That's more than you can say about the sight of Vince Young in a Titans jersey. Heck, there's no way Fisher should be fired, despite Tennessee's awful start. As a fellow coach, I don't want to see him lose his job. Especially since I might be the guy he replaces."

Titans owner Bud Adams has insisted that Young start over Kerry Collins against the Jaguars. Hey Vince, rejoice. This Bud's 'for' you.

Jacksonville wins, 30-24.

Oakland @ San Diego (-16½)

Is Richard Seymour standing by his guarantee that the Raiders would make the playoffs? It was an unexpectedly bold prediction, one that confounded most level-headed observers, as well as one that left even Jim Mora speechless.

"I believe Seymour is still under the delusion that he's still a Patriot," says Philip Rivers. "I haven't heard anyone toss out guarantees like this since George Foreman. It's just another sign that the Raider franchise is in disarray. If you're a Raider fan, there's really nothing to be proud of, except the fact that Tom Cable leads all NFL coaches in TKOs. Despite the decision of the district attorney, I find it hard to believe that Cable did not slug the assistant coach. Cable's an intimidating figure, and his presence apparently had an intimidating effect of some witnesses. But I tend to believe Randy Hanson's version, as well as that of 'The Fight Doctor' Ferdie Pacheco, who scored that meeting 10-8 in Cable's favor."

Hey, Pacheco scored that on the "10-point must" system, which the Raiders obviously don't adhere to, since they're averaging only 8.8 points per game.

Rivers throws for 231 yards and 2 scores, one to Antonio Gates and one to Darren Sproles. With the outcome in hand, Rivers, in an eye patch, enjoys a hot dog on the bench.

Chargers win, 27-13.

NY Giants @ Philadelphia (-3)

With a veritable three-way tie atop the NFC East standings, the importance of Sunday afternoon's Giants-Eagles matchup can't be understated. The winner gets, at worst, the lead in the division, while the loser faces an early setback in what is sure to be a tight race for the East crown.

"As for the importance of this game," says Donovan McNabb, "I understand it. As for NFL tie-breaking procedures, I'm clueless. And speaking of 'Clue,' did I hear correctly that Mark Sanchez did it on the sidelines with (Colonel) Mustard?"

The Giants have lost two straight after starting the season 5-0, and their two losses have come to NFC opponents, which could have tiebreaker repercussions down the road.

"We're not looking too far down the road," says Eli Manning. "We'll leave that kind of daydreaming to our 'G-Menace II Society' Plaxico Burress. I miss that cat. He saved us in Super Bowl XLII. Consequently, his Super Bowl ring has saved his ass more than once in prison."

"Anyway, Coach Coughlin always keeps us focused on the task at hand. Win or lose, you get the same expression with him, one that's a mix of both consternation and constipation."

With Bryan Westbrook dazed and confused, the Giants will make it a priority to stop DeSean Jackson, who John Gruden believes has been more explosive over the early part of the season than anyone in NFL history. Overstatement? Not in Gruden's mind, but let's give him the benefit of the doubt. After all, his statement's not preposterous. It's not like he's guaranteeing a Raider playoff berth.

New York wins, 23-20.

Carolina @ Arizona (-9)

After a dismal 3-interception, no-touchdown performance in a 20-9 loss to the Bills, it appears Jake Delhomme's days as Carolina's starter are numbered. Delhomme has struggled all year, and his downfall seemed to begin with last year's 33-13 playoff loss to the Cardinals, a game in which Delhomme threw 5 picks. The Panthers travel to Arizona probably seeking mercy more so than vengeance.

"It's safe to say Jake is not the most popular player on the team right now," says John Fox. "Heck, I fear for his safety as much as I do for my job. Only in Carolina is a 'roughing the passer' penalty called on the offense."

"Statistically, Jake's having the worst season of his career. His passer rating is a lowly 56.5. I'm not sure, but that's got to be near the bottom, if not the worst, in the league. It's not 66.6, which is the 'number of the beast.' It's much worse. It's the 'number of the least.'"

The Cards have won two-straight, and are beginning to resemble the team that nearly won the Super Bowl last year. Arizona is even 2-0 on the East Coast after failing to win there at all in last year's regular season.

"People may be surprised to hear this," says Kurt Warner, "but our rush defense is ranked No. 1 in the NFL. So Bibles aren't the only thing getting 'thumped' around here. It's that kind of commitment to success that keeps me around. That, and the words of the 'good book.' And by 'good book,' I don't mean an offensive playbook featuring three talented wide receivers and very little running. Anyway, you can poke fun at my religious conviction all you want, but I'm not phased. Don't hate the 'prayer,' hate the game."

Anquan Boldin is nursing an ankle injury, so look for No. 3 wide receiver to play a larger role in the offense, a situation Matt Leinart refers to as "Breast'" enhancement.

Arizona wins, 34-13.

Atlanta @ New Orleans (-9)

After escaping Miami with a 46-34 win after trailing 24-3, the Saints are 6-0 and breathing a sigh of relief. But, like the Dolphins, the Falcons won't go down easily, as Atlanta needs a win to prevent a New Orleans runaway with the NFC South division crown.

"Even in the darkest of times," says Atlanta head coach Mike Smith, "there's light at the end of the tunnel, or at least in one end of Cowboy Stadium. But I think we matchup well against New Orleans, and a win in the Big Easy should ease the pain of a loss in Big D. To quote former Falcon Michael Vick, 'this will be a dogfight.'"

After Sunday's game, the Saints face the Panthers, Rams, and Buccaneers before a Week 12 showdown with the Patriots. New Orleans could be 10-0 at that point, and 16-0 is not out of the question, considering the lower half of the NFC South.

"We're not fitting ourselves for Super Bowl rings just yet," says Sean Payton. "That's a distinction that must be earned. Much like my reputation on Halloween. It took years of distributing only the best candy for trick-or-treaters before they bestowed the nickname 'Sweetness' on me. An undefeated regular season is great, assuming you win the Super Bowl. Coach Smith may see light at the end of the tunnel for the Falcons, but here in New Orleans, we've got 'tunnel vision.'"

New Orleans wins, 34-27.

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Posted by Jeffrey Boswell at 11:38 AM | Comments (0)

October 28, 2009

Crimson Tide Will Emerge From SEC

NASCAR Top 10 Power Rankings: Week 32

Note: the quotes in this article are fictional.

1. Jimmie Johnson — Johnson finished second to Denny Hamlin in the Tums QuikPak 500, as Johnson's quest for the Martinsville sweep was foiled by a determined Hamlin. Johnson didn't win the grandfather clock, but he increased his points lead over his closest pursuer from 90 to 118.

"After our duel in the spring," Johnson said, "many people wondered how I'd race Hamlin should we find ourselves in the same positions. Would I bump him out of the way like I did in March? Well, I proved that I can race fairly, as well. So my actions at Martinsville last Sunday compared to my actions there in March could be described as 'clean' and 'jerk.'"

"Now, should I eventually win the Cup, this may be the most satisfying accomplishment of my career. Why, because I'll have defeated a field including Jeff Gordon, Tony Stewart, Kurt Busch, all former Cup champions, as well as Mark Martin, the greatest driver never to have won a Cup. To me, it's a true 'Legends of the Fall.'"

2. Juan Montoya — Montoya scored his fifth top-five finish in six Chase races with a third at Martinsville, leading 37 of 501 laps. He moved up one spot to fifth in the Sprint Cup point standings, and trails Jimmie Johnson by 200.

"A lot of people though I'd be upset after a certain ABC college football announcer made an inappropriate comment on the air concerning me," Montoya said. "But hey, I love a 'Griese' taco just as much as the next stereotyped Hispanic."

3. Jeff Gordon — Gordon finished fifth at Martinsville, his day highlighted by a spirited battle with Juan Montoya early in the race in which the two made contact often. Gordon and Montoya criticized each other's driving, but later spoke personally and made amends.

"It was regrettable that Bob Griese made the 'taco' comment in regards to Montoya," Gordon said. "No driver should have to be the subject of that type of stereotypical put-down. That's why I felt awful after Montoya hit me the first time and I said to my crew, 'That's one 'X" against him; 'Dos Equis' more, and that's strike three.'"

4. Mark Martin — Martin came home eighth at Martinsville, a solid finish yet one that caused him to lose even more ground to Jimmie Johnson, who finished second. Martin trails Johnson by 118 points with four races remaining.

"I've got an average finish of 6.5 in Chase races," Martin said, "but I still find myself trailing Jimmie Johnson. I may be over the 'hill,' yet I still can't seem to get over the 'hump.'"

5. Denny Hamlin — Hamlin led the final 138 laps at Martinsville, and held off Jimmie Johnson on three late restarts to win the Tums QuikPak 500. Hamlin avenged a loss to Johnson in Martinsville's spring race, when Johnson bullied Hamlin out of the lead with 15 laps to go.

"Now I'm the holder of the coveted grandfather clock," Hamlin said. "It still means a lot to me, despite the fact that I'm 352 out of first and have virtually no chance at winning the Cup. I guess that's why the clock keeps striking midnight."

6. Tony Stewart — Stewart finished ninth at Martinsville, his 22nd top-10 of the year, for a solid result that could have been better had some breaks gone his way. Stewart stayed out on a late caution while others took fresh tires, allowing them to overtake the No. 14 Old Spice Chevy in the closing laps. Stewart remained fourth in the point standings, and is 192 out of first.

"Burger King's 'The Truth About Tony' proved that I do, in fact, love a Whopper," Stewart said. 'Ask me again at Talladega and I'll say the same — 'I love a whopper, or, more specifically, the 'Big One,' preferably one that involves Jimmie Johnson.'"

"We know fans wish for huge crashes all the time. Now drivers are hoping for the same."

7. Kurt Busch — Busch qualified 37th and finished 17th at Martinsville, handicapped by a poor pit stall location and an ill-handling car. He fell one spot in the point standings to sixth, and trails Jimmie Johnson by 240.

"With four races remaining," Busch said, "I'm not sure anyone can catch Jimmie Johnson even if he's wrecked at Talladega. Honestly, I think the No. 48 Lowe's team already has the champagne on ice. With that being the case, I'm sure Jimmie will enjoy the champagne, while me and 10 other drivers will have to settle for a coffee drink known as 'Too Little, Too Latté.'"

8. Ryan Newman — Newman won the pole at Martinsville and led 23 laps on his way to a seventh-place finish. He improved one place to seventh in the point standings, and trails Jimmie Johnson by 312.

"How do I know the Chase is practically over?" Newman asked. "Here's why: the only feud we're discussing is not one involving Jimmie Johnson. It's the Juan Montoya/Bob Griese feud. I think it was wise for Griese to apologize; I think it would be even wiser if Taco Bell started an ad campaign featuring Montoya and Griese debating the merits of tacos."

9. Carl Edwards — Edwards was running 12th on the final lap at Martinsville, but a broken driveshaft sent him into the wall and back through the field for a 20th-place finish. Edwards is 10th in the points, 413 out of first.

"This has been a season I'd rather not remember," Edwards said. "Thanks to a condition known as selective amnesia, I've already forgotten about most of it. The rest? I'm counting on a freak Frisbee accident to cause a head injury which will hopefully erase the rest of my memory."

10. Greg Biffle — Biffle posted a disappointing 25th in the Tums QuikPak 500, his aspirations compromised by two rained out qualifying sessions that left the setup of the No. 16 3M Ford mostly guesswork. Biffle fell one spot to eighth in the point standings, and trails Jimmie Johnson by 350.

"Lack of practice time certainly limited our preparation," Biffle said. "After that, we just had no success getting up to speed. Afterwards, however, I had no trouble getting 'down' to speed. That is, 'getting down' to Speed TV studios in Charlotte."

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Posted by Jeffrey Boswell at 11:22 AM | Comments (0)

October 27, 2009

NFL Week 7 Power Rankings

Five Quick Hits

* All month, this column has joined the NFL in promoting Breast Cancer Awareness Month. For this final week, we're highlighting Olympic champion Dorothy Hamill, a breast cancer survivor who created a PSA for this year's Breast Cancer Awareness Month.

* The Saints are averaging 39.7 points per game, putting them on pace for 635. The record for a 16-game season is 589 (2007 Patriots) and per game is 38.8 (1950 Rams).

* Michael Crabtree, who was picked 10th in this year's draft and held out until this week, got 5 catches on Sunday. Darrius Heyward-Bey, who was chosen seventh and has played all season, has 4 catches this year.

* You know what I love about the MLB playoffs? Joe Buck doesn't call football games.

* The last thing Washington's moribund offense needed: losing its best player. Chris Cooley has a broken ankle.

***

I know, I know. Don't look a gift horse in the mouth. Jon Gruden is a substantial upgrade over Tony Kornheiser on MNF, and don't get me wrong, I'm grateful for the change. But Gruden's over-enthusiasm, his tendency to live in the moment instead of living in reality, is sometimes a little annoying. DeSean Jackson has been more explosive through the first six weeks of the season than anyone in NFL history? He's 21st in receiving yards and tied for 23rd in touchdowns. To be fair, he also has a rushing touchdown, and one as a returner, making him one of 21 players with at least 5 total TDs this season. He's had two 100-yard receiving games. I'm skeptical that he's the most explosive player this season, to say nothing of NFL history.

This Monday, Gruden also opined that Donovan McNabb throws the deep ball "as often and as well" as anyone in the league. This is so obviously false as not to be worth debunking. Look, compared to Kornheiser's sins, this is kid stuff. I'll take Gruden's hyperbole over Kornheiser's evident lack of interest and total lack of knowledge, without hesitation. But it would be nice if he could tone it down just a little, think before he speaks. Honestly, I'm hoping someone hires him to coach next year and ESPN goes to a two-man booth with just Mike Tirico and Ron Jaworski. A guy can dream, right?

Anyway, time for power rankings. Brackets indicate last week's rank.

1. New Orleans Saints [1] — Overcame four Drew Brees turnovers to hang 46 points on the Dolphins, outscoring Miami 46-10 after being down 24-3 near the end of the second quarter. The Saints have beaten good teams, blown out bad teams, and overcome adversity. They have won all their games by double-digits and outscored their opponents by a league-best 111 points.

2. Indianapolis Colts [2] — Something that's new in the NFL this season, a possible trend to keep an eye on, is the existence of several good teams with really bad running games. The Colts are 27th, the Cardinals are dead last, and even the Steelers are below average. The collective record of the bottom six in rushing offense is 22-15. The collective record of the top six is 21-17. The passing game has never been more important, and the ground game never less.

3. Denver Broncos [3] — Three teams have scored more than twice as much as their opponents this season: the Colts (179-77), the Patriots (198-98), and the Broncos (133-66). This team must be taken very seriously. Bronco MVPs so far: Elvis Dumervil (on the field) and Brian Dawkins (off the field). Dumervil (NFL-best 10 sacks) is an early candidate for Defensive Player of the Year, and Dawkins has played a huge role in changing the attitude of the team.

4. New England Patriots [6] — Rank fourth in points per game, third in points allowed. I think losing to the Broncos really made them mad. Since that game, the Pats have dominated their opponents, 94-7. Brandon Meriweather, who intercepted two passes this weekend, is an emerging star in the secondary.

5. Pittsburgh Steelers [9] — Four wins in a row after their bumpy 1-2 start. During the win streak, the Steelers have 16 sacks, compared to only 5 in the three games before that, and they are now tied for second in the NFL in sacks. In particular, reigning DPOY James Harrison has come alive, with 7 sacks in the last month. They Steelers are 4-0 at home.

6. Arizona Cardinals [10] — Last season, they went 3-5 on the road. So far this year, they're 3-0. They've also won three straight since the bye week. I'd like to see them stop playing musical chairs with the running backs. Beanie Wells is the guy. I don't like fumbles, either, but he needs to be the primary ball-carrier.

7. Minnesota Vikings [4] — Who came up with the gameplan that called for a 40-year-old quarterback to drop back 55 times, and the best running back in the league to carry 18? And why is Chester Taylor only getting 5 carries a game? There are good, young receivers here, but this is still a ball-control, run-first team, and that's how the Vikings need to play if they're going to be successful.

8. New York Giants [5] — Lost two in a row, but they're still sixth in yards gained and first in yards allowed. Eli Manning did not play well on Sunday night, and the defense needs to get more pressure on opposing QBs. When they won the Super Bowl in 2007 and compiled the NFC's best record in 2008, they did so with a consistent pass rush coming primarily from the defensive line. It hasn't been there the past two weeks.

9. Atlanta Falcons [7] — How can you not be concerned about their 1-2 record on the road? Last season, they were much better at home (7-1) than away (4-4), and it looks like the same thing this year. Next week's game, at New Orleans, could be ugly. Matt Ryan, after a sensational start to the season, has played poorly the last two weeks.

10. Green Bay Packers [14] — Three of their last four games have been against teams with a combined record of 2-18 (Browns, Lions, Rams). How do you evaluate a professional team playing jayvee opponents? This is just my best guess for where to rank them.

11. Miami Dolphins [12] — Third straight game with Chad Henne starting at quarterback, third straight game with 30 points. Henne actually did not play well this week, but the defense provided good field position, and Ricky Williams rushed for 3 touchdowns. One week after long-in-the-tooth veterans Thomas Jones and Clinton Portis recorded the longest runs of their respective careers, 32-year-old Williams did so on Sunday, going 68 yards.

12. Houston Texans [18] — Matt Schaub leads the NFL in passing yards and passing TDs, but the Texans are 10th in total offense. Steve Slaton has a huge upside, but he's not moving the chains and he is fumbling far too often. Houston needs a complement to Slaton, a between-the-tackles runner for 1st-and-10 or 3rd-and-short. Chris Brown, who didn't play for anyone last year, is not the solution. That's Chris Brown the former Titan, not Chris Brown the girlfriend-beating felon.

13. Cincinnati Bengals [17] — Cedric Benson leads the NFL in rushing. I understand that Benson wanted revenge against his old team this weekend, and he certainly got it, to the tune of 37 carries for 189 yards and a touchdown, in a 45-10 victory. But giving your lead running back 37 carries in a 5-touchdown blowout is stupid. Research suggests that 25 or more carries in a game can lead to injuries, and that the risk grows exponentially as the number of attempts increases. Giving Benson 37 touches in one game was a bad idea for the player and the team. You heard it here first.

14. Philadelphia Eagles [11] — They're 4-2, but who is the best team they've beaten? Is it 2-5 Washington, 2-4 Carolina, 1-6 Kansas City, or 0-7 Tampa Bay? The Eagles' defense has played well the last two weeks, but everyone's defense looks good against Oakland and Washington. Where is the offense?

15. Dallas Cowboys [16] — Effective pass rush against Ryan and the Falcons helped lead to three turnovers. I would still like to see them use the running game more, but it's starting to look like Miles Austin could be the big-play threat they had been missing in the passing game.

16. Baltimore Ravens [15] — A classic middle-of-the-road team, winning their first three games against opponents with a combined record of 5-15 before dropping three in a row against opponents with a collective mark of 16-5. They've allowed two straight 100-yard rushers after going two years without.

17. San Diego Chargers [19] — Dominated Kansas City on both offense and defense, even special teams, but they continue to struggle running the ball. A 36-yard burst made LaDainian Tomlinson's numbers respectable, but apart from that, he carried 22 times for 35 yards (1.6/att).

18. Chicago Bears [8] — Since the beginning of last season, Jay Cutler has the most interceptions in the NFL. This was his third multi-interception game this season, all of them Chicago losses. In the three wins, he had Orton-like statistics: 208 yds/gm, only 1 INT. This team needs to get back to running the ball (only 6 carries for Matt Forte?) and limiting turnovers. Having Cutler air it out 40 times a game is not the way this team is going to be successful.

19. San Francisco 49ers [13] — Alex Smith, who played well in the second half against Houston, will start against the Colts next week. What kind of reward is that? Frank Gore was unremarkable in his return to the field, but having him back should give a boost to a team struggled to run the ball with Glen Coffee (2.5 yds/att).

20. New York Jets [20] — Nothing gets a struggling team (the Jets had lost three straight) back on track like a game against the Raiders, and not letting your quarterback throw the ball. Mark Sanchez passed just 15 times for 143 yards in the 38-0 win, while Thomas Jones and Shonn Greene both rushed for over 100 yards. Greene played in place of Leon Washington, who will miss the rest of the season with a broken leg. Sanchez is 31st in the NFL in passer rating (61.5), between Kerry Collins and Jake Delhomme.

21. Seattle Seahawks [21] — Had a lot of problems with injuries last season, and there was speculation that they could return to the top of the NFC West this season. The injury problems are back, they're a game behind the Niners and two behind the Cardinals, and they have head-to-head losses against both of their primary rivals. Maybe in 2010.

22. Jacksonville Jaguars [23] — Pass defense is a problem, mostly because pass rush is a problem. The Jags have only 5 sacks this year, easily the least in the NFL. John Henderson hasn't been the same since Marcus Stroud left, Derrick Harvey hasn't developed into a threat, and the whole operation still has yet to recover from the departure of current Falcons coach Mike Smith.

23. Buffalo Bills [25] — Last in the NFL in rushing defense, but they're tied for the league lead in interceptions and have held opposing passers to a 58.0 rating. Rookie Jairus Byrd, who picked Jake Delhomme twice in Week 7, leads the team with 5 interceptions. The Bills scored 57 points in their first two games, but have added only 56 in the five games since.

24. Carolina Panthers [22] — Was there a worse personnel decision last summer than signing Delhomme to a long-term extension? He has more than three times as many interceptions (13) as touchdowns (4) and has thrown a pick in every game this year. Delhomme passed for 325 yards this weekend, but his 3 turnovers may have been the difference in a winnable game.

25. Washington Redskins [29] — They're not getting blown out. Washington has only been outscored by 27 points this season and has yet to lose a game by more than 10. That separates them from the Browns (-107), Raiders (-115), Chiefs (-76), Lions (-85), Titans (-114), Rams (-151), and Bucs (-107). But Washington has actually lost to two of those teams, as well as to 2-4 Carolina (-51). In a way, aren't they as bad as anyone? They move up in the rankings this week simply because they're not getting rocked the way these other teams are, and because these bottom eight teams are basically interchangeable. Does their order really matter?

26. Cleveland Browns [24] — Incredibly, their defense is actually ranked lower (32nd) than their offense (31st). For perspective, the Browns have scored less than a touchdown in more than half of their games.

27. Oakland Raiders [26] — Of the seven games JaMarcus Russell has started this season, five have been unmitigated disasters and two have been merely bad. Something has to change. This team has a lot of problems, but Russell's play is the biggest one right now.

28. Kansas City Chiefs [27] — Larry Johnson, never the most stable of individuals, has apparently lost it entirely, publicly dissing his coach and repeatedly using gay slurs. I know it's probably hard to accept that your career is over (Johnson is averaging 2.7 yards per carry), but most people handle it like grown-ups.

29. Detroit Lions [28] — On a weekend when all the other bottom-feeders got embarrassed, a merciful bye saved Detroit from the same fate.

30. Tennessee Titans [30] — I was asked recently how Tennessee, which had the best record in the NFL last season, got so bad. I don't have an answer adequate to fully explain the turnaround, but here's a start. The Titans have faced a big jump in strength of schedule, so far facing opponents with a combined record of 27-13. Furthermore, teams spent their offseasons figuring out how to beat Tennessee; that happens when you're the best. They lost defensive centerpiece Albert Haynesworth and defensive coordinator Jim Schwartz in the offseason, and several key players have been injured, notably all-pro CB Cortland Finnegan. With the defense struggling, the offensive formula that was effective last season hasn't been usable. Last season, the Titans ran more than they passed, but this year, they're passing quite a bit more than they run. Does all that explain how a 13-3 team has started 0-6? No, but this is not a total mystery.

31. St. Louis Rams [31] — Steven Jackson: a very good player on a remarkably terrible team. Jackson is third in the NFL in rushing yards, an incredible accomplishment considering the circumstances.

32. Tampa Bay Buccaneers [32] — We often exaggerate the quarterback's importance to his team's success. But you simply cannot succeed in this league without a competent quarterback. I think the minimum standard is somewhere in the neighborhood of 2005 Kyle Orton. You don't need a great QB, or even an average one, if the rest of your team is strong enough. But you do need one that is competent: a guy who can keep opposing run defenses honest, pick up a few first downs, and hold onto the ball. The Bucs do not have a competent quarterback. Actually, they might, but he's third-string. Josh Johnson may be promising, but he's not ready to play.

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Posted by Brad Oremland at 11:52 AM | Comments (1)

The Angels' Tragicomedy

About all the Los Angeles Angels managed to prove in all but two of the final six games of their 2009 is that you can't get to the World Series by playing like the 1962 Mets with a smattering of the 1964 Phillies. Unless the other guys play likewise.

Only one region of these United States didn't want the Angels to get to the World Series, and it had a marvelous time by way of Yankee Stadium Sunday night. And why not? How often do you get to see live slapstick in the House That Ruthless Built?

It's not that the Empire Emeritus didn't have their Keystone moment or two, of course, but these Yankees played the straight men to the Angels' stoogeness most of the American League Championship Series. It may have been the first time in years that the Yankees have played the straight men for anyone.

The sad part was that the Angels weren't going for laughs. Not these kind. "I would have laughed in your face," Sunday starter and loser Joe Saunders told a reporter who asked if he thought his mates were that capable of that much field calamity.

They weren't going for laughs when Chone Figgins, all season long the kind of ignition switch with which you wish your car was equipped, spent the postseason resembling a flat tyre and a compromised axle. Already, the winter watchers are trying to calculate the millions he might have cost himself as a free agent by going 3-for-35 from the moment the Angels squared off against the Red Sox.

They weren't going for laughs when they spent the entire ALCS making errors all but one of which fed Yankee runs and all of which made Marvelous Marv Throneberry resemble Keith Hernandez.

They weren't going for laughs Sunday night when Saunders barely got through three and a third with only one more strike than ball in 83 pitches thrown, and manager Mike Scioscia — facing the dilemma that drove Gene Mauch to override his two best starters down the 1964 stretch of the stretch — ended up unable to trust anyone in his bullpen beyond Darren Oliver (who pitched brilliantly enough Sunday night) with a chance to take it to a seventh game on the line.

They weren't going for laughs when Vladimir Guerrero — who really hasn't been the same player since all those years pounding his legs to noodles on the Montreal cement have shown their damage — got bagged on a baserunning miscue you generally learn to avoid before your high school career is finished. It put a nasty smudge on a postseason in which he'd finally unhorsed himself after a long drought following a near-dramatic grand slam in a 2004 division series.

They weren't going for laughs when Scott Kazmir, one of the Angels' corps of starters pressed into bullpen service in do-or-die mode Sunday night, looked rattled enough — after second baseman Howie Kendrick covering dropped first baseman Kendry Morales's toss on a Nick Swisher eighth-inning bunt — that he threw Melky Cabrera's followup bunt, clearly marked for first base, clear into right field. Allowing the Yankees to yank out of reach a game the Angels had actually kept close enough to snatch — including closing the deficit to a run by prying a save-situation run out of The Mariano, in his home lair, for the first time in nine years.

They weren't going for laughs when their vaunted basepath boldness picked the wrong ALCS to go on early winter vacation. Abetted in portion large enough by their sleepiness at the plate, the Angels committed only four thefts and only one of those helped produce a run.

And they weren't going for laughs when they stood in against Andy Pettitte, a pitcher they normally manhandle well enough, and found Pettitte just elusive enough on a night he needed most to be, placing Pettitte into his own rarefied territory: the Yankee left-hander now has the most postseason wins in baseball history.

These Angels wanted to nail this season, this postseason, for the young pitcher whose shocking death after he unfurled six shutout innings in his premiere Show start gave them a cause and a focus. They did it for 97 regular season wins in spite of a rash of early-season injuries to their pitching staff and (what a surprise) to Guerrero. They did it in a striking division series sweep of the Red Sox.

Quite possibly, the Angels were exhausted at last from the tribulations that launched their season in earnest. They'll never use that as an excuse, of course. Say what you will about the Angels this ALCS but they're not exactly famous for making excuses. And without denying how impressive this year's Yankees happen to be, the Yankees have to be just a little surprised at how easy the possibly-exhausted Angels helped make their job.

Even if these Yankees are too professional to indulge the laughs for which the Angels weren't going.

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Posted by Jeff Kallman at 11:19 AM | Comments (0)

October 26, 2009

82 Things to Watch For This NBA Season (Pt. 4)

The NBA season is just a day away.

Tomorrow, we'll get our first TNT double-header, our first look at the number one overall pick, our first look at the defending champs, our first look at LeBron James, and our first look at Craig Sager's suit.

But before we start living in the present and start the grind of another great season on NBA basketball, let's take one last look ahead and examine the Western Conference.

Today, in the fourth and final installment of SC's month-long NBA season preview "82 Things to Watch For This NBA Season," we break down the Western Conference to see which team in NBA's big brother of a conference has the best chance to come out on top when the dust settles on the regular season this April.

Lottery Teams

15. Sacramento Kings
Projected Record: 14-68

It isn't often that the worst team in the league actually gets worse, but I have a feeling it might happen this year.

The Kings won just 17 games last season, the fewest in franchise history. Clearly, some changes needed to be made this offseason.

So what did the kings do? Well, basically, nothing.

Their big offseason moves were Desmond Mason and Sean May. Ouch.

They drafted Tyreke Evans with the fourth overall pick. I have nothing against Evans, he could very well turn out to be a solid player. But as of right now, he's still fighting for minutes with Beno Udrih. I know it's tough for rookie point guards to come in and make an immediate impact, but when you don't establish yourself as head and shoulders better than Beno Udrih during training camp, the "bust" writing is on the wall.

Things have already gone bad for the Kings, with Francisco Garcia breaking his wrist after an exercise ball burst during a routine weightlifting exercise.

Needless to say, Kings fans (if there are any left, and judging by last season's attendance figures, there aren't many) are in for a long season.

14. Golden State Warriors
Projected Record: 20-62

What is in the water in Oakland? The only professional sports team that is even close to as dysfunctional as the Warriors is the Raiders.

Heading into this season, the co-captains of this team were Monta Ellis and Stephen Jackson. Both players showed up on media day and acted like the girls on MTV's "Super Sweet 16" whose parents stupidly bought them a Range Rover instead of a BMW, badmouthing the organization and making it very known that they have no desire to continue playing in Golden State.

My prediction: both Ellis and Jackson get "hurt" very early in the season, and both of them spend weeks rehabbing the always troublesome "back spasms" or "knee tendinitis" injuries that always seem to plague unhappy players.

13. Memphis Grizzlies
Projected Record: 22-60

On paper, the Grizzlies actually got a lot better this offseason. They added one of the NBA's greatest scorers of all-time and a guy who averages 16.7 points and 8.3 rebounds for his career. How does that result in two less wins than they had in 2009?

Well, on paper, you don't have to deal with two of the biggest head cases in the NBA, Allen Iverson and Zach Randolph. These guys have been cancers on their teams in every stop they've made in the NBA, and I don't see Memphis being any different.

By the time it's all said and done this season, it's going to be the core of O.J. Mayo, Rudy Gay, Mike Conley, and Marc Gasol that get the bulk of the minutes. That's a decent core, but it's the same core that won just 24 games last season.

Bringing in Iverson and Randolph was all smoke and mirrors. Make no mistake; the Grizzlies will be bad yet again this season.

12. Minnesota Timberwolves
Projected Record: 25-57

I really wanted to root for the Timberwolves this season. I'm not really sure, but I think that I may be in the minority when I say I was legitimately excited to see Ricky Rubio play in the NBA this season.

Of course, that didn't happen.

Even still, I was excited to watch Kevin Love develop. He was a rebounding machine in his rookie season last year. I was hoping that he'd develop into a Kevin Willis type madman on the glass and he'd be really fun to watch.

Of course, that won't happen, either. At least not right away. Love broke his hand in the preseason and he'll be out for the first 6-8 weeks of the season.

Now, the Wolves are left with Al Jefferson, and pretty much nothing else. Johnny Flynn intrigues me, but we already talked about how hard it is for rookie point guards to come in and be good right away.

It could be the all-star break before we finally see this team finally reach their apex this season. By then, they'll be 10-15 games back of the playoffs.

I want to root for the T-Wolves, I really do, but they're making it really hard right now.

Maybe next season.

11. Los Angeles Clippers
Projected Record: 30-52

Really, the only reason this isn't a borderline playoff team is because they are the freakin' Clippers.

They have talent at every position on the floor.

They have the number one overall pick in Blake Griffin, who has drawn rave reviews this preseason.

They have little to no expectations coming into this season because, like I said, they are the freakin' Clippers. They are basically playing with house money because no one expects anything from them. They should be able to sneak up on teams, especially early in the season.

In theory, this should be the one team in the West that is in the best position to have a breakout season.

But, they are the freakin' Clippers. They'll lose 50 games this year. I don't know how, but they will.

10. Houston Rockets
Projected Record: 32-50

The Rockets might be the NBA's version of a "Moneyball" team, but all the number crunching in the world can't make up for the fact that Yao is going to miss the entire season.

And while people are debating whether the Ron Artest/Trevor Ariza swap will end up hurting the Lakers, there is no debate in my mind that it works out terribly for the Rockets.

Last season, the Rockets counted on Artest to do a lot for them offensively. So much, in fact, that he took the more shots than anyone on the team.

I like Ariza, but he has nowhere near the offensive game that Artest has. If the Rockets are asking him to come in and fill that role and be a focal point on offense, they are going to find themselves in a world of hurt. Ariza is and always will be a role player. Role players should never be asked to lead the team in shots.

But with Yao and McGrady hurt (again), that seems like exactly what the Rockets are going to ask from Ariza, and it's not going to end well.

9. Phoenix Suns
Projected Record: 35-47

Nothing makes me happier than this prediction. It's no secret that I hate the Phoenix Suns and everything about them. But for the better part of the past decade, I have to admit, whether I liked it or not, they were a pretty damn good team.

So it's with great joy that for the first time since I started with Sports Central over three years ago that I can firmly say, without my emotions getting in the way, that the Phoenix Suns won't be any good this season.

Steve Kerr laid the foundation last season when he made it very clear that the team needed to save money, and he traded away some of their key players.

I've already predicted once this preseason that Amar'e Stoudemire will be traded at some point in this season, and I stand by that.

That means by February the best players on this team will be whatever's left of Steve Nash and Jason Richardson.

It takes a lot more than that to make the postseason, especially in the West.

You can bet that I'll be on my couch nodding in approval several times this season as I flip over to a Suns game on the League Pass to watch them struggle to keep teams under 70 points in the first half.

Playoff Teams

8. Oklahoma City Thunder
Projected Record: 41-41

If you couldn't already tell, I'm predicting a monster breakout season from the Thunder.

For some reason, one of my die-hard NBA fan friends fell in love with the Thunder last season. Despite having no ties to any of the players, living over 2,000 miles away, and having next to no interest in the team whatsoever when they were in Seattle, he absolutely loved them.

Naturally, I asked him to explain this sudden and bizarre love affair with one of the worst teams in the league.

His response, "I can't explain it, just watch them. You'll understand."

He was right. After about two weeks of checking in on them via the League Pass, I was hooked.

They played hard and they played as a team, it was impossible not to like them.

Last season, the Thunder won just 23 games, but weren't nearly as bad as their record. They were young, inexperienced, and just couldn't figure out how to win games.

Well, two things are different this season. First of all, they aren't inexperienced anymore. They started a rookie at point guard (Russell Westbrook), and two second-year players (Kevin Durant and Jeff Green). All three were immensely talented, but all three went through growing pains at the same time.

There's still going to be some bumps in the road with those guys, but they are going to be much, much more consistent this season. That alone should lead to a handful more victories.

But the real reason I think this is a .500 team: Kevin Durant.

In part two of the preview, I predicted Kevin Durant to lead the league in scoring. He's absolutely the real deal. You could see it in college that this kid was going to be a superstar.

You could see it when he won Rookie of the Year.

You could see it in the Rookie Game last season.

You could see it all throughout the second half of the season last year.

Now be prepared to see it every night. Durant is the kind of player that only comes around once or twice every 10 years. He can score, rebound, pass, and even play a little defense. This will be the season that he finally puts it all together night in and night out.

Maybe 41 wins is over-estimating it a little bit, but trust me, this is an up-and-coming team.

Just watch them, you'll understand.

7. Portland Trail Blazers
Projected Record: 46-36

For three straight seasons now, the Blazers have been the one team that we've expected to make "the leap" into elite status. And every year, they peak at being a middle of the pack team at best.

This season, I'm done giving this team the benefit of the doubt.

After losing to the Rockets in the playoffs last season, it was clear that they needed to address some issues. Instead, they went out and got Andre Miller. And I actually really like Andre Miller.

Unfortunately for Portland, he is the ultimate "good player, bad fit" free agent signing.

Miller is one of the last "true" point guards in the league. He is unselfish, runs the offense well, and looks to get all his teammates involved.

The problem is, that isn't at all what the Blazers need.

They already have Brandon Roy, one of the best young guards in the league. For Roy to be effective, he needs to have the ball in his hands all the time. He's a scorer, but not a Rip Hamilton work-without-the-ball scorer. He's better suited to play one-on-one and beat his man to the basket.

He is the exact opposite of the type of player that Andre Miller needs surrounding him.

Miller needs to dominate the ball for most of the possession to fully maximize his passing ability. Roy needs to dominate the ball to maximize his scoring. Something's got to give.

There are a lot of teams that would have benefitted from getting Andre Miller this offseason. Portland wasn't one of them.

I predict another disappointing end to the season for Portland, and it might be time to go in a new direction.

"Good" isn't good enough in the NBA.

6. Utah Jazz
Projected Record: 47-35

Much like the Blazers, Utah has been on the cusp of being great for a few years now too, but always seem to fall short.

It's tough to predict where the Jazz as constructed right now will end up, because it seems likely that Carlos Boozer could be traded at some point during the season. Depending on how the team responds after the trade, they could finish anywhere between fifth and ninth in the West.

But if they keep Boozer, we know what the Jazz are. They are a great team at home, a decent team on the road, a team that you don't want to play in the playoffs, but also a team that isn't good enough to win a title.

There are plenty of teams in worse shape than Utah heading into the season, but I doubt that Jazz fans will take any comfort in that as they watch their team struggle to get past the second round of the playoffs again.

5. Dallas Mavericks
Projected Record: 48-34

I've already touched on Dallas' offseason moves once in the preview, so there's no point in breaking down the Shawn Marion deal again.

The Mavs tried to fill their Texas-sized void in the middle by signing Marcin Gortat to an offer sheet, but the Magic matched it. When that didn't work, they made a few lateral moves.

They won 50 games last season, and they'll be right around that number again this year. If a big name player becomes available via trade during the season (and trust me, one will), expect Mark Cuban to involved in the conversation.

But unless they do make a move, it'll be business as usual in Dallas, and it'll be one-and-done in the playoffs again.

4. New Orleans Hornets
Projected Record: 50-32

I'm begrudgingly picking the Hornets to finish fourth in the West and have home court advantage in the playoffs, but I'm really sensing a theme here: the West isn't nearly as stacked as it used to be.

Just a few years back the West was wide open, with five or six teams that had a legit chance to get to the Finals.

Now, I'm picking the Hornets to finish fourth, and I don't think they are a threat whatsoever.

I love Chris Paul, and he alone is what separates the Hornets from the rest of the middle of the pack teams (Portland, Utah, and Dallas), but that's really all this team has going for them.

In reality, I could have drawn the seventh through fourth spots out of a hat and been satisfied with the results. All of these teams look the same to me: good but not great.

If any of these four teams have a chance to prove me wrong and do some damage in the playoffs, it's New Orleans because, unless they play the Lakers, they'll have the best player on the floor, and that's always a nice luxury to have in the playoffs.

Chris Paul could actually still be getting better, and he might just be good enough to carry this team to a deep playoff run.

That might be the only way we see anything other than a Spurs/Lakers Western Conference Finals.

3. Denver Nuggets
Projected Record: 55-27

The Nuggets are the real wild card in the West. On the one hand, everything went well for them last season. Their trip to the Western Conference Finals was an absolute best-case-scenario for them considering the fact that they gave themselves a complete makeover three games into the season when the traded Allen Iverson for Chauncey Billups. A little bad luck and they could fall right back down into the middle of the pack with the previous four teams.

On the other hand, they have Chauncey Billups for an entire offseason and training camp. I don't know how many different ways to say it: the man is a winner. There is really no other word that describes him.

His presence this offseason and training camp has the potential to make this team even better than they already are. We saw how good the team became once they added him to the mix, now let's see what happens when they have an entire offseason to build a scheme around him.

Chris Paul was good enough for me to put the Hornets ahead of three other teams in a virtual tiebreak situation. Chauncey Billups is good enough for me to put the Nuggets in a class above those four teams. He means that much to this team.

We'll find out soon enough if last season was a fluke in Denver, but the smart money says that as long as Chauncey is healthy, this team will be a threat once again.

2. San Antonio Spurs
Projected Record 63-19

The Spurs have one last title push left in them with Tim Duncan and they know it, so they went all-in to try to get it.

And of course, when you have R.C. Buford and Greg Popovich pulling the trigger on the moves, you can bet that things are probably going to work out well.

If you've read any of the other three parts of this preview, then you know that I am extremely high on the Spurs this season. I've praised their management, their coaching, their starters, their reserves, their draft — pretty much everything that they've done since the end of last season.

There's nothing left for me to say about this team. It's time for them to either make me look really smart or really dumb.

1. Los Angeles Lakers
Projected Record: 67-15

I've touched on the Artest/Ariza swap from the Houston standpoint already, now it's time to look at it from the Lakers' point of view.

I don't love the move, I don't hate it. I said before that Ariza always has been and always will be a role player. When you're as good as the Lakers are, role players are pretty easy to find, so I'm not all that disappointed to see Ariza go. Aging vets who can still play are always willing to come in and play a role on a good team for a chance to win a ring.

However, Artest is not just an aging vet who can still play, he's also certifiably insane.

If you look at every championship team, they usually have two very noticeable qualities: they have very defined roles for each of their players, and they have great chemistry.

With a few very minor exceptions, those two traits apply to every championship team for the past 20 years.

The problem with the Artest deal is that he's such a head-case you don't know if he's going to understand/buy into his role, or if his teammates are going to want to play with such a loose cannon.

In a perfect world, Artest would come in and guard the best player on the opposing team every night which would free up Kobe to be Kobe on offense and take 7-10 shots per game, all within the flow of the offense.

But "Ron Artest" and "a perfect world" have never appeared in the same sentence before, and it's not going to start now.

The Lakers are just so damned talented that it won't matter in the regular season.

I like them to finish the regular season with the best record in the conference, but if the chemistry isn't there come playoff time, the Spurs or whoever wins the East could be ready to give the Lakers a rude awakening.

Beat the NBA spreads this season when you signup for the NBA picks at BetFirms.com.

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Posted by Scott Shepherd at 11:52 AM | Comments (0)

Hoops Preview: Firing Up the Fanaticism

Up here in the Twin Cities, autumn doesn't seem to want to settle in. Two early snow events are reminding us that the dead of winter is knocking on the door. It's creeping up too quickly for my taste, just like the world of college basketball. Maybe I just need another week to acknowledge that we've already had Midnight Madness, but I don't seem quite as excited for the upcoming season. A shame, too. There's quite a bit of intrigue to settle on the hardwood.

While we follow our own interests, the nation will always have one eye on Lexington. John Calipari has the game's ultimate job, head coach of the Kentucky Wildcats. And, same as before, he's not gliding in quietly. The quick exit from Memphis, the recruits following suit, the allegations (past and present) bubbling up, the hype of the return to UK glory. Even with all of the hoopla, the man does produce. He wins, plain and simple. And he'll have to do that on the highest plain to avoid failure at one of the bluebloods.

Out west, Sean Miller will try to return Arizona to recent success that has kept sending them invitations to the NCAA tournament for the past 25 years. He'll have to do it without Chase Budinger and Jordan Hill, who have moved on to the pros. Nic Wise and Kyle Fogg now must carry the Wildcats. I like Miller as a coach and think he'll be a force in the desert. But will it be an instant success, or take a bit of time?

Let's start looking a little bit smaller. With Miller's exit from the Cincinnati metro area, the Atlantic 10 door may be open a tad more for someone to overtake Xavier. The front-runner is Dayton, with four starters coming back to hopefully make a deeper postseason run. Out of 10 players that averaged 10 minutes a game last season, nine return. Problem for the Flyers, though, is that they're in the A-10. Over the last few years, this conference has provided some of the best races and surprises around the entire nation.

Staying with the mids, Gonzaga might have to take a year off from being the hot prospect for postseason depth and disappointment. For this year, your money has to be on Butler. Coach Brad Stevens has a completely stacked cupboard this season, with all five starters returning from their 2009 tourney squad. Conference star Matt Howard (still just a junior) is sure to be a stud once again, and, barring injury, this team should stay in the top 20 all year.

Let's return to the bluebloods. Roy Williams won't sit on his national title laurels. Just isn't him. He'll have the defending national champs ready to take on all challengers. But that might be difficult with Tyler Hansbrough, Ty Lawson, Danny Green, and Wayne Ellington in the NBA. The Tar Heels will go the way of their lovable rivals from Duke, with this season being one of the "reload" status. This team belongs to Marcus Ginyard, Deon Thompson, Ed Davis, and Tyler Zeller. Very talented ... but very green compared to their predecessors.

Closer to my hometown (Kansas City), there's probably quite a bit of buzz. On one side of the state line is the big gun. Kansas is the early favorite to raise its second banner in three years. Sherron Collins is looking to end his career with the same confetti party he experienced in San Antonio. Cole Aldrich has all of the accolades from the Big 12 (and quite a few nationwide). Tyshawn Taylor now has a year of college under his belt (the first year provided a few highlights of its own). Former Memphis commit Xavier Henry fell back into Bill Self's lap after Calipari made his own transfer (and he's part of two sets of brothers on this team). Now, if the players can stay from the DUIs and fights with the football team, the party could return to Lawrence in early April.

Now to the other side of the state line for a team that captures the majority of my rooting interest. Last season, Missouri came out of nowhere to capture a Big 12 Tourney title, a three-seed in the NCAAs, and an Elite Eight run. Behind DeMarre Carroll, Leo Lyons, and Matt Lawrence, the Tigers matched their best finish in program history. Those three are gone now, taking away most of the frontline scoring and the team's sharpest shooter. The main question will concern whether coach Mike Anderson can keep the conference on edge with his "Fastest 40 Minutes" philosophy. It'll be tough with the likes of KU, Texas, and Oklahoma State.

Continuing through the middle of the country, the feel-good story of the year for me is in Chicago ... well, Evanston, to be exact. I didn't realize until this past February that Northwestern had never made it to the tourney. I think that they are the only program out of the big six conferences (ACC, SEC, Big 12, Big Ten, Big East, and Pac-10) to never have that feeling of going to the Dance. Other teams have had doormat status forever and still played past mid-March. Heck, Baylor was near the point of basketball's Death Penalty and made it all the way back. This is the last shot for seniors Kevin Coble, Jeremy Nash, Matt Steger, and Jeff Ryan. A last shot I'll be following through the winter.

You know what? Maybe I didn't need another week to turn on the intrigue switch. I guess I just needed to share my thoughts with you fellow college basketball fanatics. That's it. I'm ready now. Bring on the tip, the dunks, the stuffs, the long bombs, and the atmosphere. It's go time ... almost.

By the way, I might as well give some parting predictions for the upcoming season.

Teams I Talked About

Kentucky — NCAA second round
Arizona — Runs their NCAA streak to 26 (second round)
Dayton — Sweet 16
Butler — Elite Eight (one step from playing in their home city of Indianapolis)
North Carolina — Sweet 16
Missouri — Deep NIT run (sorry, fellow Tigers fans)
Northwestern — An 11-seed in their first NCAA bid

And For the Big Ones

Final Four — Kansas, Villanova, Purdue, Duke
Championship — Kansas def. Purdue

*Subject to change until April 6th

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Posted by Jonathan Lowe at 11:37 AM | Comments (1)

October 25, 2009

Did Brady Quinn Ever Stand a Chance?

Ever since Eric Mangini took over in Cleveland, the quarterback situation there has been curious, and tenuous at best. When he first got the job, everyone expected Mangini to tab Brady Quinn as his starting quarterback heading into offseason camps and training camp. He refused to do so, in fact, he refused to name a starting quarterback at all.

Fair enough, I suppose, he wanted to see firsthand what he had in Quinn and Derek Anderson before making a decision. I can dig that philosophy. Well, the spring mini-camps came and went without Mangini naming a starter. It was curious, but it stands to reason he wanted to see how the two would perform in training camp with the full roster in camp. Maybe he wanted to see how the team as a whole was going to respond to the quarterback competition, which one was going to have the most support in the locker room. I get that. Or he possibly wanted to see them in preseason games, see how they were going to play in real-time game situations and not just running non-contact passing drills in practice. Understandable.

As preseason rolled on, neither player did a lot to distinguish themselves from the other. Neither one of them was particularly bad, but neither was overwhelmingly great, either. They both played fairly well when called upon in the preseason. Anderson completed 15-of-26 passes for 207 yards and 2 interceptions, while Quinn was 21-of-31 for 227 yards, a touchdown, and an interception.

Quinn was eventually tabbed the starting quarterback just days before the Browns season opener against the Vikings. One can only assume he was named the starter based on having slightly better numbers than Anderson did in the preseason. Given that he was effectively benched half-way into the third game of the season, one kind of wonders who or what was behind Quinn being the named the starter after all.

Did it come from the front office that Quinn was going to start because they did not spend a first round draft pick and millions of dollars to sit the bench? Look at it this way. Anderson had earned the right to be the starting quarterback last season based on throwing 29 touchdowns and passing for 3,787 yards in the 2007 season. But he did nothing during the 2008 season to warrant being the starter heading into camp, and in Anderson's defense, Quinn had done nothing to separate himself as the clear-cut favorite given the couple of games he started before going down with a season-ending injury in his third career start.

Granted, Quinn was not setting the world ablaze the first few weeks of the season with his play, but was his benching truly warranted? He completed 59% of his passes and had thrown 1 touchdown against 2 interceptions and passed for 366 yards in the Browns' first two games. Not great numbers, but not horrendous, either. Let us not overlook the fact that the first two games were against two pretty good defenses in Minnesota and Denver.

Let us also not forget that Cleveland's talent at the skill positions is pretty lacking. Jamal Lewis is a serviceable back, but teams do not feel compelled to game plan around his presence. Braylon Edwards is as good a talent as there is at wide receiver, but, let us face facts. He was pulling a Man-Ram in Cleveland and dogging it there the past two years. Aside from getting the big payday he has been after, he was never going to be happy playing for a going-nowhere-fast franchise like the Browns are these days.

After that, the cupboard is pretty bare given they traded Kellen Winslow to the Bucs, Donte Stallworth got suspended for the year, and Joe Jurevicius may never play football again. Mohamed Massaquoi and Brian Robiskie are promising talents, but it is tough to expect an inexperienced quarterback to cut his teeth in the league and be successful without any real talent around him to throw the ball to.

Given how quickly Quinn was given the hook this season, one wonders if Anderson was Mangini's favorite all along. He could not very well name Anderson the starter outright without upsetting the fan base, or, potentially, upper management. Remember, they have a vested interest in seeing Quinn be successful out there. Quinn was the fan favorite last spring and they wanted to see him get a shot as the starter.

Remember that Mangini comes from the Bill Parcells/Bill Belichick coaching family and Anderson is the kind of quarterback they tend to gravitate towards. He is a late round pick who was a three year starter in college who threw for a ton of yards and touchdowns. They love those kind of quarterbacks who have to fight and scrap for their spot on the team. They tend to veer away from the over-hyped guys who every other team in the league falls in love with. The mid-to-late round guys are more coachable and eager to go the extra mile to be successful in the league. They know they are not good enough to get by on their skills alone and need to be students of the game.

Quinn is the wunderkind out of Notre Dame that was being hyped as a top quarterback prospect. That was the first strike against him, the second being he was the fan favorite. Guys like Parcells, Mangini, Belichick, etc. do not like to be dictated to and told what to do with their teams.

One gets the sense that Mangini disdained the fact that he was forced to have Brett Favre as his quarterback last season and rode with him the entire year to prove a point. If he had his druthers, Kellen Clemens or Chad Pennington probably would have been the starter last season for the Jets, not Favre.

Mangini was a bit of a controversial hire in Cleveland given how he left New York and he was probably not looking to rock the boat too much when he first got there. So he played ball and went with Quinn, and when he benched him in favor of Anderson, it was as though he was saying, "see, this guy sucks, I never wanted him in the first place." What leads one to believe Anderson was always the first choice is how dreadfully he has played and how Mangini has yet to even consider pulling the plug on him. It is as though he is saying "I did it your way and we lost, so now I am doing it my way."

First of all, Anderson was named the starter after completing just 11-of-19 passes for 92 yards in the second half of the Ravens game in Week 3. He also threw three picks in that game. Even though he did not do anything to make one believe he was going to have any more success than Quinn did, he drew the starting assignment in Week 4 versus the Bengals. He played well enough in that game — completing 26-of-48 passes for 269 yards and a score — to warrant starting against Buffalo.

He was downright dreadful in the Bills game, completing 2-of-17 passes for 23 yards and an interception. The mere fact that they won the game and Anderson kept the starting job is nothing short of a minor miracle in and of itself.

Despite putting up one of the worst games in league history, he drew the start this past week against the Steelers and while he was not as bad, he was still awful. He completed just 9-of-24 passes for 122 yards with a touchdown and an interception against Pittsburgh. Anderson's only saving grace as a starter this year is he holds the Browns' only win.

After this past weekend's games, Anderson is currently the worst rated quarterback in the league. Believe it or not, his completion percentage and passer rating worse than that of Oakland's JaMarcus Russell, who has been roundly criticized as the worst quarterback in the league this year. In three games as the starting quarterback, Anderson has completed just 41.6% of his passes, is averaging a meager 138 passing yards, and has thrown 2 touchdowns against 3 interceptions.

The mere fact that Derek Anderson is still the starting quarterback after being the worst quarterback in the league to this point leads one to believe that Brady Quinn never stood a chance at starting all 16 games this year. He needed to be absolutely perfect to hang onto the job. The fact that Mangini has not even thought twice about keeping Anderson in the lineup is mind-boggling.

One wonders if he is trying to throw the season, so he can get a better draft pick. One thing that seems pretty evident at this stage of the season is that neither Quinn or Anderson will be the quarterback of the Cleveland Browns next season. Who it ends up being remains to be seen, but I fully expect Brady Quinn to be in another team's uniform come next spring.

This article was republished with permission from the Pickle Barrel.

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Posted by Eric Engberg at 11:46 AM | Comments (2)

October 23, 2009

College Football Midterm Report

Seven weeks done. An unofficial half-way point. And what do we know?

There are three teams that, as expected, are very good if not great. And a lot of other teams that haven't done anything special. With the clock ticking, they might want to wake up and start, since we're at the midterm. So pop some Adderall and wake up, or you might miss a golden opportunity. Otherwise we might be heading to a predictable title game match-up I had feared.

No one can rationally dispute anything other than the order of the top three right now. Alabama, Florida, and Texas are ahead on the grading curve. Undefeated. Beaten at least two pretty good teams. Highly regarded talent from the outset. But these are pretty minimum requirements. These teams are not unassailable, and are not reducing opponents to rubble.

But few teams have put together the type of first half to make the jump. In 2007, the last time the elite were this vulnerable, a gaggle of teams stepped up and had shots to hold on to a top-two slot and title game berth. They just couldn't finish it; Boston College, South Florida, USC, West Virginia, Cal, Oregon, Kansas, and Missouri all crashed basically as soon as they got into the drivers' seat. This year, no one seems to be even calling "shotgun."

Sure, Boise State and TCU are also undefeated and have beaten teams like Oregon and Clemson, but without everyone losing twice, it's hard to see human pollsters putting them in a title game with WAC and WMC schedules. BCS-bound? Both would deserve at least that much. And with the mediocrity in the at-large department, it may happen.

But now that the big games are done for these outsiders, we take a look at the major conferences one-by-one, checking out what's going on and who's in position to make a jump the grading curve in the second half. Because, hey, the BCS conferences are the only ones that matter, right?

The SEC champ will play in the title game after beating overrated SEC teams.

Florida or Alabama will end this season in Pasadena. And that's fine. They are clearly two of the best three teams in the country right now, and their SEC title game will serve as a de-facto national semifinal, much like it did last year. Probably even if both lose once before hand.

The rest of the conference? Compared to other conferences, as solid as a cinderblock. About as inspiring, as well.

Ole Miss was supposed to compete, but all but bowed out of the race with a loss to a South Carolina team without a quarterback (Stephen Garcia? Still? Really?) and a decisive TKO at the hands of Alabama. Georgia can't deal with the color orange (lost to Oklahoma State, murdered by Tennessee). With new offensive coordinator Gus Malzahn, Auburn looked like it was on a path to revival. That is before Arkansas, having finally learned to stop someone, thrashed around the War Eagle so badly that Kentucky was able to walk into Auburn's building and win the next week, as well.

LSU remains the next best team in this conference. But they will need to go into Alabama to find the way to the SEC title game. And the Tigers haven't been lighting anyone up themselves. Outside of Louisiana-Lafayette and back-to-horrible Vanderbilt, they haven't beaten anyone by more than a score, including Mississippi State and Washington.

Oregon has an opening, and the rest of the Pac-10 doesn't suck.

USC looks beatable, on the road in particular. With the exception of a thrashing of chronic disappointment Cal, the Trojans haven't blown anyone out in four road games. Ohio State and Notre Dame had shots at the very end, and Washington, uh, you know how that story ended. The offense is looking better with freshman-with-poise cliché-generator Matt Barkley back, healthy and lethal. The defense, aside from a late game bout of narcolepsy against Notre Dame, has been solid. But this aren't your favored-by-25-against-everyone Trojans. Yet.

Oregon is in position to finally unseat the Trojans from their throne atop the Pac-10, a seat they have had at least a share of since Joey Harrington led the Ducks to the 2001 Pac-10 title. An opening day embarrassment on national TV in Boise didn't help (complete with face-punching and ensuing national reprimanding), but the Ducks have now won five straight.

The Ducks aren't getting a better shot. They get USC at home, the loudest venue in the conference, where they've averaged north of 40 points per game. USC has a freshman quarterback, albeit a special one. And they get them on October 31. Why does this matter? Pete Carroll hasn't lost in November in eight years at USC. The Ducks are fighting enough recent history as is.

Elsewhere in the Pac-10? Parity. UCLA is winless in the Pac-10 after going out to Knoxville and beating a Tennessee team that has been competitive in SEC play. Aside from beating USC, Washington gave LSU, everything it could handle and took Notre Dame to OT. Arizona is ranked. Oregon State is under the radar and pesky as always. Stanford is beating real live football teams. Cal is 1-2 in conference, but has already faced USC and Oregon, and should not finish sub-.500 in the conference after blowing out lesser Big Ten and ACC teams preseason. No one in the conference is truly bad.

Except Washington State. Which still reeks of failure and regret.

Texas is bigger in Texas. The rest of the Big 12 needs work.

The Big 12 is generally considered a good conference. This year, eh, not so much.

Oklahoma's season is as shredded as Sam Bradford's shoulder, with losses to Texas, Miami, and BYU.

Kansas State leads the Big 12 North at 2-1. This is a team that lost to UCLA, Louisiana Lafayette, and Texas Tech (by 52). Kansas is ranked. They're 5-1, with their biggest win being against ... give me a minute ... Southern Miss? Duke? They lost to Colorado. Which lost to Colorado State and Toledo. 'Nuff said for the North.

Basically what remains in this conference is Texas and little else. The next best team may be Texas Tech. It might be Oklahoma State. You know, one of those two teams Houston beat before losing to UTEP.

Nobel-winning physicists find the ACC confusing.

Sure. Miami, Virginia Tech, and Georgia Tech are pretty good teams. But there is one team left undefeated in ACC play. Virginia. Yes, Virginia, a pair of conference wins with a win over Big Ten welcome mat Indiana in between.

You may be thinking, "Um, didn't I hear something bad about Virginia earlier?" Oh yeah. They lost their opener to William and Mary by 12. They proceeded to lose to non-BCS conference teams in TCU (in fairness, a very good team) and Southern Miss (in fairness, not a very good team). So beating even cut-rate ACC teams like North Carolina and Maryland should be a surprise.

Of course, to call beating Maryland a surprise might be an insult to Virginia. Maryland has losses to underachieving Rutgers and Middle Tennessee State. Oh, and they needed OT to topple James Madison, which is now 0-3 in the Colonial Athletic Conference.

Then again, Maryland did beat Clemson. And in a rant on schizophrenia, you had to know Clemson was at the epicenter. Sure enough, Clemson beat Boston College (5-2, 3-2 ACC leaders of the Atlantic), lost to Maryland (awful) and absolutely dismantled Wake Forest, a team that otherwise beats bad teams and looses to good ones. Wake is the normal kid in the dysfunctional family ready to move out and never look back as soon as it gets old enough.

Add a dash of Florida State (2-4, 0-3 ACC) having its worst start since Jimmy Carter was elected, despite crushing the highest ranked team they have faced, then-No. 7 BYU. Sprinkle in some disappointment at NC State starting 0-3 in the ACC, including Duke's first conference road win in nearly six years. And what you have is a conference that will befuddle experts with remarkable ease.

Iowa?! ... (checks earpiece) yes, Iowa is in the Little Ten driver's seat.

Ohio State has tried a new trick: not only losing the big one, but also losing a little one this year. USC and Purdue have booted the Buckeyes out of the national picture. Opening the door wide for Penn State. Penn State, however, did not try a new trick, mainly beating Iowa (seventh win in last eight meetings for the Hawkeyes).

So Iowa remains undefeated. Despite beating Northern Iowa by one. Arkansas State by three. Michigan by two. Hell, its 21-10 win over Penn State was its second largest margin of victory.

Can the Hawkeyes beat the Buckeyes on the road and win the Big Ten? Can they avoid an upset before then? Who knows? How could we tell? After all, this conference doesn't really play anyone in the first month or so. In terms of out-of conference wins, it peaks at Iowa over Arizona or Michigan over Notre Dame. Minnesota and Penn State both beat Syracuse and Minnesota dropped Air Force. It's all downhill from there for the conferences' other 23 non-conference wins.

The Big Ten has taken plenty of crap in recent years. But until it goes out and beats some teams, well, it kinda deserves it. A 4-9 record against BCS-conference schools plus Notre Dame doesn't speak well. Again, that includes the wins over Syracuse. Not much to go on. So I won't.

The Big East isn't as bad as you think. It's not good, either.

Cincinnati is good. Don't get me wrong. But would anybody feel good about putting money on them against anyone in the top 10? Anyone? Not even Chevy Chase's character in "Dirty Work" would touch that action. And he bet on Mr. T in "Rocky III." And the Bills.

The best teams the Bearcats have beaten are Oregon State and a Matt Grothe-less South Florida, albeit both on the road. Good enough for BCS contention in the Big East, not so much for national relevance. But as in the national picture, no one else seems to want it.

It will be mid-November before the Bearcats face one of their two challengers for the conference — West Virginia and Pittsburgh. The three have not beaten a ranked team. A loss to NC State hurts Pitt's image, one to Auburn hurt West Virginias, leaving the Oregon State win as the difference for Cincinnati.

But at least those three teams have taken care of their other, less-trying business. And in fairness, South Florida fired a 17-7 cannon-shot into the fast-sinking ship that is Florida State. The rest of the teams in the conference have done absolutely nothing to merit notoriety. UConn beating Baylor? Rutgers beating Maryland? Syracuse beating Northwestern? Did we just cite Northwestern as relevant? More importantly, did we just say Syracuse won a game?

Yeah, let's hold off until someone in this conference beats a ranked team outside of it. And yes, Boise State or TCU would absolutely run this conference. Mercilessly.

Top 10

1. Alabama — Steadiest team so far, even with lackluster win last week.

2. Texas — Survived scare from Oklahoma in an ugly game.

3. Florida — Two straight weeks of unimpressive wins. Still, the D is nasty.

4. USC — Actually had Notre Dame pretty well handled until an atypically apathetic fourth quarter on D. Make no mistake, that D is still stacked, and freshman QB Barkley just threw for 380 yards on 29 attempts on the road.

5. Boise State — Is there really a team below them you'd feel that good about on the blue turf right now? Won't get to the title game, but BCS worthy, and dangerous once there.

6. LSU — Haven't dominated anyone, but stayed with ... uh, kept Florida from running away. I don't care if you're facing the '85 Bears, 3 points = not a great offensive team.

7. Miami — One awful game at Virginia Tech (rain doesn't help a pass-first, run-never team). Toughest schedule breaks the tie.

8. Georgia Tech — Beat Virginia Tech. Lost to Miami. Classic 1-1, 1-1, 1-1 situation, and the three will top the Coastal once they take turns batting Virginia down the standings. Could be an ugly scenario at the end if none are upset.

9. Oregon — Like Miami, one blemish. But an ugly one, and not as many quality teams left in its wake yet (Utah and Cal aren't too bad, though).

10. Iowa — Undefeated with wins over Penn State and Arizona means you almost have to rank them. Zero convincing wins (save Iowa State), plus Big Ten impotency means you don't have to like it.

Honorable mention — TCU, Virginia Tech, Cincinnati

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Posted by Kyle Jahner at 11:54 AM | Comments (0)

October 22, 2009

The 10 Worst Team Names in Sports

In a moment, I will present to you the 10 worst team names in sports I am aware of, but a couple caveats first.

One, I only included American professional and college sports teams.

Two, I deliberately did not do research into the history of any of these names. There's a good reason for this, and that's because you want your team name to have wide appeal and interesting appeal right off the bat. So if you name your team, "The Morons" people are not going to say, "Hmm, perhaps there is some local or historical context that, far from being an insult, makes this a fearsome and impressive nickname! I shall research it. To Wikipedia!" They are going to say, "Haw! They're the Morons! Haw!" This is my "haw!" article.

So please, save your comments about how I unfairly and inaccurately maligned your team's name or its origin, because guys seeing your team's score in the newspaper won't know the back story, either.

10. Philadelphia KiXX (soccer) — This gets the award for most ridiculous capitalization. Capital K, lower case i, capital X, capital X. I hope the guy who thought that would be cool and got the go-ahead for it — I imagine it's some recent Marketing Degree graduate who wears a lot of Axe Body Spray and is openly laughed at when he tries to pickup girls at his upcoming 10-year high school reunion.

9. Everett Aquasox (baseball) — Can we enact a rule that if you are going to name your team the "sox," it has to be preceded by a basic color only? And what is the logo of the Aquasox? A frog with orange feet catching a baseball on his tongue like a fly, of course.

8. Los Angeles Salsa (soccer) — I know it's all the rage to give your team name some local flavor (Ha! Salsa! Flavor!). But can we at least put some limits on that trend? We don't have teams called the Reno Whores or the Cancun Syphilitics. I'm kind of breaking my rule here as the Los Angeles Salsa went belly-up in the nineties. But a girls u-11 soccer team, the Napa Salsa, lives on. So I included it because I never wanted it to be said that I am afraid to mock 10-year-old girls.

7. Delaware Blue Hens (college) — You know how colleges will frequently put "Lady" in front of their women's teams nicknames, like the Tennessee Lady Volunteers? I don't understand why UD does not do the opposite; let's call the football team the Men Blue Hens. It doesn't help that their logo looks better suited for a fast food franchise than a successful athletic program.

6. Kalamazoo Outrage (soccer) — I hope their logo is an senior citizen writing an angry letter to his local paper. My inside sources tell me that "outrage" narrowly beat out the "appall" and the "what's this world a-comin' toos" in voting for a team name.

5. Albuquerque Asylum (soccer) — Does this soccer team house crazies so that they don't harm themselves or others, or do they protect extra-nationals from political persecution? Either way, I feel like this team deserves a lot of red cards.

4. Chicago Aftershock (paintball) — "You know when the ground shakes and shakes and causes buildings to crumble and is just a devastating, epic natural disaster? Well, that's not us. But when it shakes a little afterwards, and you're like, 'Oh God, not again ... whew!' — well, that's totally us!"

3. Omaha Beef (arena football) — Have you ever seen or heard of a team or, more typically, a group of fans cooking and eating their rival's mascot, like LSU fans holding a pig roast before playing Arkansas? Well, the Omaha Beef is already dead, skinned, cleaned, and cooked, so joke's on you, suckers!

2. East County Blackshirts (football) — This team first caught my eye because of the name's queasy closeness to nazi brownshirts. But you know what? I broke my rule regarding research for this article, and there was indeed historically a blackshirts group: they were simply the Italian version of the brownshirts during the fascist WWII era. So nice going, East County, I thought you merely sounded too close to a fascist group, you actually were a fascist group.

1. Kansas City Demize (soccer) — This is a triple whammy of badness. Strike one: "cute" spelling. Strike two: stupid name. Strike three: saying "Kansas City Demise" (or demize) makes it sound like Kansas City is bearing the demise, not dishing it out. Think about it. The Dallas Cowboys are the Cowboys of Dallas. The Chicago Bears are the Bears of Chicago. So the Kansas City Demize must be Demize of Kansas City. What a sassy, funky, hip way to die!

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Posted by Kevin Beane at 11:11 AM | Comments (3)

NFL Weekly Predictions: Week 7

Note: the quotes in this article are fictional.

Indianapolis @ St. Louis (+13)

The 0-6 Rams host the 5-0 Colts, fresh off a bye week, in what would appear to result in a lopsided outcome, as the Colts so far have looked to be as unstoppable as the Rams are stoppable. But the Rams showed progress, playing well in a 23-20 overtime loss in Jacksonville.

"So the Rams showed promise in defeat?" says Peyton Manning. "Well, then, they shouldn't be surprised by my promise of defeat. St. Louis used to be the home of the 'Greatest Show on Turf.' No more. Now their quarterbacks are the only ones 'shown' the turf. I hear they're renaming the Gateway Arch the 'Arch de Triumph' in honor of all the visiting teams that have emerged victorious in St. Louis."

"Hey, there's a lot of pride in this franchise," says Steve Spagnuolo. "We may not be going to the playoffs this year, but when the Rams do make the playoffs, they reach the Super Bowl on a consistent basis. That's more than I can say for some franchises. I won't name names, but we're playing them Sunday. Let's just say that for the Colts, the 'fade route' is not only a pass pattern, it often describe the ends to their seasons.

"With that being said, we know we'll have to score to keep pace with the Colts offense. If there's any vulnerability in their defense, it's right up the gut. That's where we'll have to attack with Steven Jackson. With success running the ball, we'll keep Manning on the sideline, where he can casually browse photos of the Rams defense, or maybe some promising scripts for upcoming ads."

Hey, is that Bob Sanders in street clothes on the Indy sideline? Yes, it is, which can mean only one thing: business as usual for the Colts. Manning throws for 3 touchdowns, and the no-huddle offense continually catches the Rams defense off-guard, as Manning ironically catches St. Louis napping by quick-snapping after "counting sheep."

Indianapolis wins, 38-20.

San Diego @ Kansas City (+4½)

Two weeks ago, Chargers general manager A.J. Smith called his team "soft," a statement that served as both a challenge and an accusation. In Monday night's 34-23 loss to AFC West rival Denver, San Diego did nothing to prove Smith wrong. The Broncos are still undefeated and the Chargers, at 2-3, face a steep, uphill climb to get back into the division race.

"Hey, somebody had to have the 'Norv' to call this team out," says Smith. "We were atrocious in all phases of the game, including special teams. They say lightning doesn't strike twice in the same place, but apparently Eddie Royal does.

"Anyway, there's no point crying over spilled milk now. Why? Because the Chargers are crying over another dairy product, ice cream, because they got 'soft-served' by the Broncos."

The 1-5 Chiefs are as hot as a 1-5 team can be after Indian-giving the Redskins a 14-6 loss that not only sent scalps flying, but will also likely send heads rolling in Washington. A win over the Chargers would likely have a similar effect in San Diego.

"Hey, we're used to the play in Kansas City getting Chiefs coaches fired," says Larry Johnson, "but now it's resulting in opposing coaches getting fired. I guess turnabout is fair play."

The Chargers troubles start with their lines — offensively, they're not protecting Philip Rivers. Defensively, there's no pressure on the opposing quarterback. The only person linebacker Shawne Merriman has roughed up this year is Tila Tequila. With their season fading fast, there's probably only one word Turner can say to encourage his team to play hard for the remainder of the year. That word? "Pride?" No, "wildcard."

San Diego wins, 23-19.

New England vs. Tampa Bay (+14)

Tom Brady threw 6 touchdown passes, one for each of Mike and Carol's six children, as the Patriots pounded the Titans, 59-0, to improve to 4-2 and take over first in the AFC East. Brady threw five of his TDs in the second quarter, breaking the NFL record for touchdown passes in a quarter.

"Call it a Brady 'bunch,'" says Brady. "I understand the Titans haven't won a game since beating the world champion Steelers in Week 16 last year. So, they went from stomping on towels to throwing in towels."

"As for running up the score, I resent those accusations. There's nothing safer than a 45-0 lead than a 52-0 lead, or a 59-0 lead. Besides, we now know what it takes to get Vince Young on the field — not his own talent, but a lack of it on the part of his teammates. Vince seems to be a shell of his former self. And speaking of 'shell,' did you know that if you hold Vince's helmet up to your ear, you can hear the ocean? That's with his head in it."

Three of Brady's touchdown scores went to Randy Moss, who looks forward to putting on a show for the fans at Wembley Stadium in London.

"I'm just a country boy from West Virginia," says Moss, "so the chance to travel overseas is a big deal. Shoot, there was a time in my life when 'international flavor' meant nothing more than a 40 of Olde English malt liquor. Football has opened so many doors for me. Now, 'international flavor' means downing a 40 of OE in England."

"But I plan to enjoy my time there, not only on the field, but off the field as well. There's so many blokes I'd like to meet, like Royal Albert Hall, the Duke And Duchess of Oven, England Dan and John Ford Coley, and Baron Davis."

Is Brady truly back to the impeccable form he showed before his knee injury? If he impregnates English model Kate Moss, he's definitely back. And can Raheem Morris hold his own against Bill Belichick? Maybe in a freestyle rap battle, but not on the sidelines in London.

New England wins, 32-13.

Green Bay @ Cleveland (+6½)

To keep pace with the 6-0 Vikings, the 3-2 Packers can't afford a letdown in Cleveland after last Sunday's 26-0 win over the Lions, especially with the division-leading Vikings and Brett Favre coming to Green Bay the following week.

"For the first time in nearly two years," says Aaron Rodgers, "Favre is able to say 'I can't wait to get back to Green Bay' and mean it. I'm sure it will be emotional for him as well as the fans. He'll be met with a mixture of cheers and boos in Lambeau, both of which, despite their different sounds, leave the same message: 'I wish Favre was still our quarterback.'"

"Now, as a member of the quarterback fraternity, I've got to support my brethren in Cleveland. I know Derek Anderson and Brady Quinn have had a rough go of it. In Anderson's case, he really doesn't have much to work with. That's not a knock on his receivers, that's a knock on his coach, Eric Mangini."

"As for Quinn, it's never good to hear your name associated with 'trade bait.' That's not fair to Quinn. The word 'bait' implies that another team actually wants him. I'm no angler, but I'd never bait my hook with an overrated Notre Dame quarterback. Okay, now I'm done."

In a perfect world, Quinn would be the Browns savior at quarterback, and Mangini would lead the people of the Dawg Pound to prosperity. And, visible from Cleveland Stadium, there'd be a huge mural of Mangini, fondly known as "Touchdown Man-Jesus." Sadly, though, there's very little that's good in Cleveland, much less perfect, although Joshua Cribbs comes close to perfection, and the Browns are receiving a lot of kickoffs.

Green Bay wins, 31-16.

Minnesota @ Pittsburgh (-4)

For the first time in his career, Brett Favre is 6-0 after a sterling 21-of-29, 278-yard, 3-touchdown day led the Vikes to a 33-31 win over the Ravens. Favre tossed two scores to tight end Visanthe Shiancoe, and Minnesota sweated out a late field goal miss by the Ravens that preserved the win.

"To anyone who said I wouldn't fit in with this team," says Favre, "I can only say this: 'You're all full of Shhhhhhhhhiancoe.' But no one can deny that this offense is running smoothly. I think I'm responsible. There were questions about how my new teammate would accept me. I think those questions have been answered. When I speak, Vikings listen, almost, but not quite as well they do to the guy calling 'strokes' aboard the SS Natch on a Lake Minnetonka cruise."

The Steelers could very well be undefeated if not for the uncharacteristic inaccuracies of kicker Jeff Reed, whose misses against the Bears cost the Steelers dearly. Reed was perfect in a 27-14 win over the Browns, but was arrested the following morning on charges including public intoxication and resisting arrest.

"It's not Reed's first brush with the law," says Mike Tomlin. "He's been in trouble with the police before, but this time, it's not the fashion police citing him for a wacked-out hairdo. No, it's much worse. Reed was outside a bar acting a fool, and he allegedly wanted to fight with police. Luckily, police diffused the situation by circling to their right, because any of Reed's punches were likely to miss wide left. Fortunately, Reed wasn't Tasered, which, ironically, is how he got that silly hairdo in the first place."

It's a rematch of Super Bowl IX, when the Steelers beat the Vikings, 16-6. That game featured Hall of Fame quarterbacks Terry Bradshaw and Fran Tarkenton, who both went on to successful television careers. As Favre's cameo in There's Something About Mary, and Ben Roethlisberger's turn as host of WWE's Monday Night Raw, displayed, Academy Awards are not in their future. But an epic battle at Heinz Field is.

Steelers win, 27-26.

San Francisco @ Houston (-3)

The 49ers, coming off a bye, have had an extra week to examine Week 5's 45-10 loss to the Falcons. Head coach Mike Singletary sternly reminded his team of the importance of not looking ahead, and focusing on the task at hand before savoring the benefits.

"It was our bye week," says Singletary, "but you could also call it a 'Bly' week. Dre has been the 'butt' of more jokes than Beyonce.

"I think Dre knows by now that he's best off not trying to imitate Deion Sanders on the field. Dre'd be better served imitating Deion off the field, of which the best way is to put on his Sunday's finest and conduct some questionable business with some shady NFL agents. Then have non-football fans guess whether you're a preacher or a pimp.

"As you know, Michael Crabtree will be starting at wide receiver. Some may think we're rushing him, but I think he's ready enough. I'd say he's about 90% prepared. Toss in 10% from a bail bondsman, and he's totally prepared to start."

The Texans are 3-3, and are one of those Forrest Gump "box of chocolates" teams, because you never know what you're going to get. One week, the Texans look great, as they did last week in a 28-17 win in Cincinnati. Another week, they'll look awful, as they did in a 24-7 loss to the Jets in Week 1. With the Colts not yet showing signs of a late-season swoon, it's imperative that the "good" Texans show up each Sunday.

"Hey, you're winsome," says Matt Schaub, "and you lose some. I know, watching us play is a lot like watching a tennis match. And, when Mario Williams accosts a diminutive Asian line judge, it's even more like watching a tennis match."

Houston wins, 24-20.

Buffalo @ Carolina (-7)

Despite wins by both the Bills and Panthers, last Sunday was not a particularly satisfying day for superstar wide receivers Terrell Owens and Steve Smith. Owens had only three catches for 13 yards in the Bills' 16-13 win over the jets, while Smith registered a single catch for 4 yards in Carolina 28-21 win over the Bucs.

"Hey, we're just glad to get out of Tampa with a win," says John Fox. "At this point, any win feels good. It may have been a game we were expected to win, but the Gatorade bath feels good just the same. Follow that with a bucket of cold water dumped on two Panther cheerleaders to separate their carnal embrace inside a sports bar bathroom stall, and our work in Tampa is done.

"I think Owens or Smith, or both, is due for a big game. The Bills investment in Owens really hasn't paid off. Talk about an 'overdue' Bill. That's another case of life imitating art. In The T.O. Show, nothing happened, either. As for Smith, I know he's discouraged, and it's crazy for him to say he's not an 'asset.' He is. For Christ's sake, with liabilities like Jake Delhomme, we've got to have assets like Smith just to reconcile our balance sheet."

Fox and his offensive coordinator should make it a point to get Smith the ball. If he's outplayed by the likes of T.O., Smith is likely to retreat into a shell, or worse, a trunk.

Although both Carolina, at 2-3, and Buffalo, 2-4, are in a "blue" state, the play-calling will still be "conservative." Risk-taking to Fox and Dick Jauron means little more than running a yellow light. The Bills have the NFL's worst rush defense, a fact which plays right into Fox's unimaginative game plan. But why "imagine" when you don't have to?

DeAngelo Williams and Jonathan Stewart combine for 201 yards on the ground, and Smith doesn't catch a TD pass, but he does throw one to Muhsin Muhammad.

Carolina wins, 22-17.

NY Jets @ Oakland (+7)

If the Jets were the "Flavor of the Month" in September, then their 0-3 record in October has certainly left a sour taste in their mouths. In a 16-13 overtime loss to the Bills, Mark Sanchez threw 5 interceptions, Kris Jenkins was lost for the year, and the Jets bungled the snap on the potential game-winning field goal.

"Those are the least of our worries," says Sanchez. "Right now, we're questioning ourselves. Questions like 'What happened?' 'How can we turn this streak around?' And 'How the heck did we beat the Patriots?' With a November 22nd date in New England looming, I think many of those 59 points the Pats dropped on the Titans were directed at us. Incidentally, 'Sanchise' merchandise is at a bargain basement price, just like my fantasy value."

The Raiders improved to 2-4, as they somehow found the wherewithal to stun the Eagles 13-9, a victory that is sure to give Raider fans enough hope to ride out the remainder of a 4-12 season. But you've got to give the organization credit. Just when it looked like they were ready to implode, they rebounded with a huge victory.

"It's funny how a fluky 86-yard touchdown pass from JaMarcus Russell to Zach Miller can temporarily mask the deficiencies of a troubled franchise," says former Raider Rich Gannon. "There, I said it. Al Davis' skills as an owner are atrocious, and Tom Cable gives new meaning to 'suspect' leadership. Until this team is overhauled from the top down, starting with a 'Davis-ectomy,' they can expect wins like these to be the highlight of their year."

With the Raiders holding a tenuous 16-13 lead late in the fourth quarter with the Jets driving, satellite transmission of the game is interrupted by an unexpected showing of "Heidi Ho: Swiss Miss," the sequel to the adult feature "Heidi Ho: Mount Often," which chronicled the sexual exploits of a promiscuous Swiss orphan. Oddly enough, complaints to the network are limited.

Thomas Jones scores late to give the Jets a 20-16 win.

Atlanta @ Dallas (-3)

A week after playing in the spotlight of NBC's Sunday night game, Matt Ryan and the hot Falcons face something even more daunting — playing under the massive video board above the playing field in Dallas Stadium. While the Cowboys themselves don't necessarily intimidate, the video screen casts a long shadow, much like the five Lombardi Trophies do on the legacy of Tony Romo.

"There is no doubt a lot of history with the Cowboys," says Ryan. "The Cowboy franchise is the most-valued in the league, and the Dallas 'star' is emblematic of excellence in the NFL. That's why a win at Dallas would mean so much to me. It would be a defining victory, as well as a 'brand' spanking."

The Cowboys bye week has already been a success, what with the three NFC East counterparts all losing. Dallas in 3-2, tied with the Eagles for second and trailing the Giants by a game.

"See, good things are just as likely to happen to us when we don't play than when we do," says Jerry Jones. "I guess I have to credit that to coach Wade Phillips. That's why I'll use this opportunity to reiterate that Phillips' job is safe for this year. Only in Dallas does the owner feel compelled to address the coach's future after a win."

Dallas victories are a lot like Travis Henry's children — you have to question their legitimacy. Tampa Bay, Carolina, and Kansas City are a combined 3-14, and they were all winless when the Cowboys beat them.

Atlanta wins, 30-23.

New Orleans @ Miami (+7)

Who do you think is most excited about the Saints impressive 5-0 start? Why, those persnickety curmudgeons representing the 1972 Dolphins 17-0 team, whose feeble hearts always seem to race when a team blasts out of the gate in undefeated style. Once again, the Dolphins have a chance to pin a loss on an undefeated team, thereby giving those '72 Dolphins not only a reason to drink, but a reason to live.

"It's hard to believe anyone would wish ill will upon the NFL's reigning 'Man of the Year,'" says Drew Brees, "but those '72 Dolphins have it out for me. Their lack of shame is matched only by their lack of continence."

After an 0-3 start, the Dolphins have won two in a row, and now trail the AFC East-leading Patriots by a single game in the loss column. After a bye week, you can expect a rested Ronnie Brown and Ricky Williams to give the Saints several looks at the 'wildcat' formation.

"Hey, despite the 1972 Dolphins selfish attitudes," says Williams, "I like what this organization represents. Nothing indicates a commitment to winning more than having Fergie of the Black Eyed Peas owning a piece of the team. We're 'Fergalicious.' Dolphins ownership are a diversified bunch. There's Jimmy Buffett, Gloria Estefan, Crockett and Tubbs, and Venus and Serena Williams, to name a few. It's an ownership group I'm fond of calling a 'universal joint.'"

Can the Dolphins make "champagne" toast of the Saints? Maybe for a quarter. But the New Orleans offense can't be stopped entirely. Brees throws for 3 scores and the Saints defense forces 3 turnovers.

New Orleans wins, 37-20.

Chicago @ Cincinnati (-3)

Will the real Cincinnati Bengals please stand up, please stand up, please stand up, or at least post something on Twitter informing us of which Bengals team will appear this Sunday?

"No can do," says Chad Ochocinco. "Too busy good-naturedly taunting Jay Cutler and other Bears via Twitter, on which I communicate so much, I'm thinking of legally changing my first name to Ch@d. I've taken trash talk to a new level, and from here on out, I want to be known as the 'Twitt-ness For the Persecution."

Cutler bowed out of the war of words with Ochocinco, but soon after, inexplicably developed a disdain for Cincinnati linebacker Keith Rivers.

"Anyone named 'Rivers' is an enemy," says Cutler, "and that includes 'Old Man,' Joan, and the lead singer of Weezer. As for my new contract extension, I think it shows that I'm happy in Chicago as I was miserable in Denver. And the Bears are pleased to have the right to a Bear arm for two more years, at least. I may have burned some bridges, but I think everyone in Denver is glad to see me prosper in Chicago, especially Kyle Orton."

Cincinnati wins, 27-25.

Arizona @ NY Giants (-7)

The Giants strutted into the Superdome as the NFL's top-ranked defense, but left with their tails between their legs and their heads not far behind. Redemption will come in the form of defeating the Cardinals, who, like the Saints, sport a high-powered passing attack.

"Sure, it was a long flight home from New Orleans," says Tom Coughlin. "One that left plenty of time for reflection. That's why I told all my guys that they need to take a look in the mirror if their looking for someone to blame for our loss."

"But this league is all about transformation. New Orleans exposed a weakness in our passing defense. We'll need to correct that. I have the all the confidence in the world that we can change. Heck, if Lawrence Taylor can go from one of the most feared defenders in the NFL to a dieting, dancing pansy, then we can surely follow his lead. I didn't even know L.T. had an eating issue. I guess inhaling food wasn't his only problem."

The Cardinals have won two straight to move in to a tie with the 49ers in the NFC West. Larry Fitzgerald tied a career high with 13 receptions, including a 2-yard touchdown pass from Kurt Warner.

"That's called our 'jump ball' play," says Warner. "When I say 'jump,' I expect Larry to say 'how high.' He hates when I do that. When he replies 'Bag it,' he quickly puts me in my place."

"We'd have much rather played the Giants after a New York win as opposed to a blowout loss. I don't like the Giants when they're angry, and they don't like Tom Coughlin when he's angry, or otherwise."

New York rebounds with a 27-24 win.

Philadelphia @ Washington (+6½)

So Jim Zorn has been stripped of his play-calling duties by general manager Vinnie Cerrato? This went down just a week after players urged Redskins owner Daniel Snyder to "endorse" Zorn as head coach.

"If you knew Dan Snyder like I do," says Cerrato, "you'd know that he's only good at endorsing one thing, and that's checks. Now, Zorn and his players will be on the same page — Zorn's given up play-calling duties; the players have just 'given up.'"

"We've got Sherman Lewis calling our plays now. Unfortunately, we still have the same players running them."

The attitude in Philadelphia is much better, although last Sunday's 13-9 loss to the Raiders wasn't exactly an "endorsement" of the Eagles legitimacy as a Super Bowl contender.

"Sometimes, Donovan McNabb's play does to others what it often does to him," says Andy Reid. "It induces vomiting. After Donovan's performance, I think Rush Limbaugh should take another crack at that Rams ownership."

"I know Michael Vick's wants badly to start. A few more performances like McNabb's latest, and Vick may get his chance. Vick's worked hard in practice and has paid his dues. Plus, he's been 'doing' time, so it's only natural that he wants 'playing' time."

Philadelphia wins, 27-12.

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Posted by Jeffrey Boswell at 11:01 AM | Comments (2)

October 21, 2009

Early-Season NHL Storylines

The NHL season's been in swing now for a few weeks, and there's been no shortage of surprises or talking points. From rookie phenoms to surprise division leaders, here are four of the biggest stories kicking off the 2009-10 season — and a look to see how they'll play out over the coming months.

Can the Coyotes Keep Winning?

Looking to re-create a scenario straight out of epic sports films like "Major League," the Phoenix Coyotes are off to a rollicking start. Well, rollicking might be overstating it — they are winning, but they sure aren't playing rollicking hockey. In fact, new coach Dave Tippett's system is a throwback to the bad old days of trap-tastic hockey. A win is a win, or so say the remaining Coyotes fans, and wins will do more to re-establish a team in its marketplace than anything else.

While Ilya Bryzgalov's numbers are scary good so far, one has to look at the new defensive structure Tippett has in place to fully understand why that goals-against is as low as it is. Throw in shot-blocking machine Zbynek Michalek and a commitment to team defense, and you've got a team that's able to win 1-0 and 2-1 games, with the occasional scoring outburst from skill guys like Radim Vrbata and Shane Doan.

Prognosis: Cautious optimism. Like many teams before them, the Coyotes will continue to win based on solid team defense. However, their record is a house of cards, and any sort of setbacks — extended scoring slumps, major injuries, etc. — will reveal that team defense can only go so far. If all goes right, they'll battle for anywhere from sixth to eighth place.

Are the New York Rangers For Real?

Yes, Virginia, there is such a thing as up-tempo hockey and it's been played quite well in New York right now. Consider last year a transition phase, as the New York Rangers went from Tom Renney's snoozefest to John Tortorella's safe-is-death style. The biggest benefactor to this is Marian Gaborik, who longed for a way to unleash his offensive skills, but was forever squashed by former coach Jacques Lemaire. Throw in strong starts from rookie blueliner Michael Del Zotto and emerging forwards Brandon Dubinsky and Ryan Callahan, and things seem golden in the Big Apple.

Or do they? The Rangers have everything going their way right now, but the specter of injury always looms over Marian Gaborik. Much like Pavel Bure in his day, Gaborik can be one of the biggest game-changers in hockey — and his groin can snap with a single stride on the ice. If Gaborik falls for any extended period of time, the entire dynamic of the Ranger attack changes.

Prognosis: Unclear. Gaborik's health will be a wildcard for his entire career. The Rangers' fortunes aren't tied exclusively to Gaborik, but he's a huge part of it.

How High Can John Tavares Go?

His team isn't winning, but John Tavares is already proving his worth — passing vision, strong puck control, and a quick shot, Long Island hockey fans are already lapping it up. How long can he go and how high will it be? He's got things working for him and against him. Tavares already has shown great chemistry with Kyle Okposo, and he's being put in situations designed to simultaneously help him grow and provide immediate dividends. In other words, he's getting a ton of ice time, and why not? If he's the future of the organization, might as well see what he can do.

Of course, there will be the inevitable rookie slump. And after a dozen or so NHL games, coaches will better understand his tendencies and how to contain them. As Tavares can't legally buy a beer in Long Island yet, he's yet to fully develop his upper-body strength. At some point, the rigors of the season — and the brutality of opposing defensemen — will wear him down.

Prognosis: Good. So far, Tavares is meeting expectations. A 75-point rookie campaign isn't out of the question, with 80-85 points possible if all goes well.

What Will Happen in Chicago?

For all of the positives that have blessed Blackhawks fans since the passing of Bill Wirtz, they've got a pretty interesting road ahead. When you've got your two best forwards (Jonathan Toews, Patrick Kane) and your best defenseman (Duncan Keith) up for new contracts at the end of the season, there might be some internal tension as the days turn to months. When you're up against the cap facing those issues, that internal tension might change into a big fan headache. And when you're stuck with three huge and unmovable contracts (Marian Hossa at $5.4 million cap hit over 12 years, Brian Campbell at $7.1 million over the next eight years, Cristobal Huet at $5.625 million over the next four years), well, you've got a disaster waiting to happen.

Some might say that these off-ice cap issues shouldn't be taken into consideration this early in the season, but the on-ice product has already been directly involved. Huet's play has been, to put it politely, disappointing, and he's never shown a consistency that's warranted his big contract. Campbell always thinks offense first, and the 'Hawks saw first-hand how that could bite them at the wrong time (the playoffs), and Campbell's even been booted off the first power play unit for parts of this season.

Prognosis: Shaky. If those long contracts and cap issues weren't an issue, Campbell would be sold to the first bidder and Huet would be sitting in favor of an alternative. However, the Blackhawks are handcuffed by these awful contracts, and they've got no cap room to get health. While they may be highly entertaining to watch, these issues create problems that could eventually change the face of the roster come trade deadline time.

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Posted by Mike Chen at 11:41 AM | Comments (0)

NASCAR Top 10 Power Rankings: Week 31

Note: the quotes in this article are fictional.

1. Jimmie Johnson — Johnson won his second straight race, and sixth this year, with a commanding performance in Charlotte. He led for 92 laps, including the final 13, as he pulled away for a two-second victory over Matt Kenseth. Johnson holds a 90-point lead over Mark Martin, and 135 over Jeff Gordon, with his fourth-straight Sprint Cup title nearly in the bag.

"It's all over except for the driving," Johnson said, "and crying. With my fourth Cup title nearly inevitable, I've become the true 'measuring stick' of greatness in this sport. But just to keep it simple, I'd like to be known as the 'ruler.'"

2. Mark Martin — Martin bumped Juan Montoya on a restart 125 laps into the Banking 500, and both sustained damage that ruined their nights and severely hindered, if not altogether ended, their chances for the Cup. Martin dealt with a hole in the No. 5 Chevrolet's grill and finished 17th, which dropped him from 12 points down to Jimmie Johnson to 90.

"I hope Montoya knows that it wasn't my fault," Martin said. "If he wants a scapegoat, he need look no further than Jeff Gordon. He's the slow poke that's responsible for my 'slow poke.'"

"Juan's a first-timer in the Chase. He'll learn that not everything works in your favor, unless you're Jimmie Johnson. In 10 races, you've got to expect some bad luck. After all, it's a night race in October — there will be some things that go 'bump' in the night."

3. Jeff Gordon — Gordon posted yet another top-five finish, his third consecutive, but it made very little difference, as Jimmie Johnson's dominance rendered all other results moot. Gordon finished fourth and moved up two places in the points to third, but trails Johnson by 135.

"Hey, why is everyone getting so bent out of shape about my ability to bring the field to green?" Gordon said.

"Anyway, I'd like to apologize to everyone for my slow restart that caused so much havoc. Keep in mind, though, that I'm not apologizing for wrecking you, I'm apologizing for not wrecking Jimmie Johnson. That seems to be the only way to make up ground on Jimmie. But Jimmie, of course, avoided danger. It's amazing. He always seems to be in the right place at the right time. Which just happens to be Victory Circle immediately following the checkered flag."

4. Tony Stewart — Stewart battled handling issues all night in Charlotte before grinding out a hard-earned 13th-place finish in the Banking 500. He remained fourth in the Sprint Cup point standings, and trails Jimmie Johnson by 155.

"As the winner of May's All-Star race," Stewart said, "we really came to Charlotte with a lot of confidence. But, like others, we left with less confidence, while others left with confi-dents.

"But I still feel like I have a chance. If you don't believe my conviction when I say that, I'll gladly strap myself to a lie detector and prove you right."

5. Juan Montoya — On an early restart, Montoya was rear-ended by Mark Martin, as the pack backed up when Jeff Gordon brought the field slowly to the green. Montoya's rear quarter panel was damaged, causing major aerodynamic problems, and he limped to a 35th-place finish. Montoya now trails Johnson by 195 in the point standings after entering Charlotte facing only a 58-point deficit.

"I'm not sure what Gordon was trying to accomplish on that restart," says Montoya. "Was he trying to put the rest of us to sleep? Well, it worked. He made my bed. Now I have to sleep in it."

6. Kasey Kahne — Kahne led 67 laps in Charlotte, and held the lead when the cars pitted for the last time. He restarted third behind Jimmie Johnson and Jeff Gordon but lacked the speed to challenge Johnson at the end. Kahne's third-place was his sixth top-five finish of the year, and he is now ninth in the points, 331 out of first.

"As a victim of mechanical issues in a previous race," Kahne said, "I can definitely relate to what Mark Martin and Juan Montoya are going through. That same accident on the street would have simply resulted in an exchange of insurance numbers. On a NASCAR track, it resulted in the downfall of Jimmie Johnson's two closest pursuers."

"I feel especially bad for Martin. It seems second place is his destiny. Therefore, his demise in Charlotte gives this track the nickname of 'Lowe's Martyr Speedway.'"

7. Kurt Busch — Busch finished 10th in Charlotte, a respectable finish but one that didn't get him any nearer to points leader Jimmie Johnson. Busch moved up one spot in the points to fifth, and trails Johnson by 177.

"Look, we may trail Johnson by an insurmountable amount," Busch said, "but we'll keep plugging away until mathematical elimination is official. However, it seems that it really doesn't matter who 'does the math,' the consensus solution to the equation is a Jimmie Johnson championship."

8. Denny Hamlin — After leading 54 laps early, Hamlin's No. 11 Fed Ex Toyota dropped a valve just past the midway point in the Banking 500 in Charlotte. With his engine crippled, Hamlin parked his car, and his eventual 40th-place finish shattered any hopes of the Sprint Cup. He now trails Jimmie Johnson by 372 points.

"We fumbled once again," Hamlin said. "My engine dropped a valve in Charlotte, whereas last week in California, I dropped the 'ball.'"

9. Greg Biffle — Biffle survived a late spin through the grass in Charlotte to post a 16th, a result that maintained his position of seventh in the Sprint Cup point standings. He trails Jimmie Johnson by 268.

"Sure, it looks like Jimmie Johnson has the Cup wrapped up," Biffle said, "but frankly, I'm tired of answering questions concerning Johnson's dominance. Like 'Who's your daddy?' Ironically, that's similar to the question I found myself asking after a controversial race a few weeks ago: 'You're whose daddy?'"

10. Ryan Newman — Newman finished 11th in the Banking 500, just missing his 15th top-10 of the year. He moved up two spots in the point standings to eighth, 288 behind Johnson.

"As you probably noticed," Newman said, "I was driving the No. 39 Chevrolet with the special Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen paint scheme promoting the DVD release of the movie. Like the Transformers, Jimmie Johnson operates with robotic precision. And the 'Fallen?' Well, that would be the other 11 drivers in the Chase."

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Posted by Jeffrey Boswell at 11:32 AM | Comments (0)

October 20, 2009

NFL Week 6 Power Rankings

Five Quick Hits

* October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month. Players, coaches, and the league itself have done a great job of bringing attention to a good cause.

* In their first 31 years of regular season play, the Buccaneers had never returned a kickoff for a touchdown. Now they have one in each of the last three seasons.

* Either I have a very conservative definition of "indisputable visual evidence," or NFL referees have a very liberal one. I think too many on-field calls get reversed on maybe, probably, and I would prefer that. And yes, I am accusing referees of outright bias on certain calls.

* Did Tony Gonzalez bend the crossbar when he "dunked" the football after his second-quarter touchdown on Sunday night? That thing looked pretty crooked on the point after.

* Nice job by Mike Tirico on MNF, getting Jon Gruden and Ron Jaworski to explain why Norv Turner uses so many screen passes and how they affect a defense.

***

The NFL's television rules do a disservice to fans. The league and its television partners deliberately restrict the amount of football fans can watch, and we sometimes miss the beginning or end of a game because of nonsensical rules. In other cases, we don't get to watch any of the games we want to see.

The ultimate result notwithstanding, the game of the week this Sunday was clearly Giants at Saints, a matchup of undefeated teams and a possible NFC Championship Game preview. But the game wasn't shown in my area, and I had to make special arrangements to watch it. The local team in my market was on CBS, so there was no reason FOX couldn't have carried Saints/Giants. But as that game was starting, FOX was airing a Seinfeld re-run. Things like this blunt fans' enthusiasm, and they need to be corrected. Flex scheduling in the second half of the season is a step in the right direction, and shows that the league and its broadcast partners recognize the problem. But when a game as highly-anticipated as this one is shelved in favor of a 15-year-old sitcom — and trust me, FOX would have preferred to show the game — there are obviously still some issues to work out.

As we move on to this week's Power Rankings, please remember that these rankings are for right now, and don't necessarily reflect a team's accomplishments over the whole season. Week 1 isn't exactly ancient history, but it's getting close. Brackets show last week's rank.

1. New Orleans Saints [2] — Smart people can differ on the proper rank for various teams, but I think you should be pretty skeptical of anyone who doesn't have the Saints number one this week. They're undefeated, all their wins are by at least two touchdowns, and Drew Brees passed for more yards in the first quarter than the Giants had been giving up per game.

2. Indianapolis Colts [3] — It's much too early in the season to speculate on potential Super Bowl matchups, but the Colts had a bye this week and I have to write something in this space, so I'll just put it out there: Peyton Manning and the Colts vs. Drew Brees and the Saints? That would be a QB matchup to rival Dan Marino and Joe Montana in 1984.

3. Denver Broncos [4] — Is it the player or the system? Kyle Orton has more yards per game and a better passer rating than Jay Cutler. Amazing what happens when the quality of your blockers and receivers change, isn't it? The AFC Pro Bowl race at quarterback is going to be very competitive this year. Can you really choose just three deserving players among Peyton Manning, Tom Brady, Ben Roethlisberger, Matt Schaub, Philip Rivers, Joe Flacco, and Orton?

4. Minnesota Vikings [5] — Their opponents have a combined record of 11-23 (.324). Who is the best team they've beaten? The underachieving Packers? The overachieving 49ers? The three-game-losing-streak Ravens? And all of those wins came down to the last minute. Close victories are as much about luck as they are skill. It's apparent at this point that the Vikings are good, but they've also been lucky. That won't last all season. Quick, Vikings at Falcons, who would you bet on? The Vikings are 4-point underdogs in Pittsburgh this week.

5. New York Giants [1] — Last week, I made a big deal out of how fans should be sure to watch their game against New Orleans, and it was a blowout from the beginning. I still think the game was worth watching, though, just to see how dominant Brees and the Saints' offense looked. I don't understand why the Giants never adjusted their defensive schemes, though. This team normally relies on its excellent front four to provide a pass rush, but Brees was never under any pressure, and he was so accurate in coverage that the game became a joke. The Giants needed to dial up some blitzes and change the rhythm of the game, but they never adjusted. Adding injury to insult, starting tackle Kareem McKenzie was carted off the field with what appeared to be a serious injury.

6. New England Patriots [6] — Went into halftime up 45-0, including a 35-point second quarter. That is the most points scored in a quarter in 22 years (Washington vs. Denver in Super Bowl XXII), and the 59-0 final was the largest margin of victory in a shutout since the 1940 NFL Championship Game (Bears over Washington, 73-0). Bill Belichick is mean.

7. Atlanta Falcons [7] — The big stars on offense get the hype, but Atlanta's defense won this week's game for them: two interceptions, superb run defense, and a goal-line stand in which they forced two fumbles from a guy who never fumbles. One thing I didn't like: John Abraham dropped into pass coverage a number of times on Sunday night. I understand trying to keep the opponent off-balance, but this guy led all defensive linemen in sacks last year — his value is as a pass rusher, and that's what he should be doing.

8. Chicago Bears [9] — Every team I had ranked 8th-14th lost or had a bye in Week 6, so Chicago actually moves up after a close defeat against a good team. The Bears played well for most of the game, but they made critical mistakes: turnovers and poor red zone play. If they avoid those problems, the Bears are a good team. If they can add a consistent running game, they might be a great team.

9. Pittsburgh Steelers [15] — Hines Ward leads the NFL in receiving yards. That's right, 33-year-old, almost-time-to-retire Hines Ward. He's also averaging 14.6 yards per reception, the highest since his rookie season and his best ever as a starter. Troy Polamalu returned to the lineup just in time to offset the loss of Aaron Smith. Casual fans may not believe this, but Smith is probably just as valuable to this team as Polamalu. He will miss the remainder of the season.

10. Arizona Cardinals [19] — Great defensive play and overwhelming time of possession (42:50) in an uncharacteristic win. The Cardinals, who rank 6th in passing but 31st in rushing, are probably the least-balanced offense in the league. With the top-ranked rush defense and 31st-ranked pass defense, they are certainly the least-balanced defense.

11. Philadelphia Eagles [8] — Bad coaching. In a game where your left tackle gets injured early, your quarterback gets sacked 6 times, and your lead running back averages 8.3 yards per carry, you simply cannot have a rush-pass ratio of 14 to 46. You have to keep the opposing pass rush honest with runs, and give your offensive line a chance to get in rhythm. Jason Peters, the aforementioned left tackle, has a knee contusion and an ankle sprain, but he might be able to play in Week 7.

12. Miami Dolphins [12] — Two wins in a row, both against division opponents, since Chad Henne became the starter. The Dolphins topped 30 points in both games, after averaging 14.3 in their first three matchups. Miami's recent prosperity is due more to its unique success with the Wildcat than to its passing game, but that's still an auspicious start for Henne.

13. San Francisco 49ers [14] — Finally signed holdout wide receiver Michael Crabtree last week. The Niners went 3-2 without this year's first-round pick, but they could certainly use a spark for the 29th-ranked offense in the league. Frank Gore is also expected to be on the field, returning from injury for this week's matchup with Houston.

14. Green Bay Packers [16] — Gave up five sacks against the Lions. Aaron Rodgers goes down an average of five times per game, by far the worst in the NFL (no one else even averages four). Green Bay still won easily this week, on the strength of a phenomenal defensive performance that included 5 sacks, 3 interceptions, and no third- or fourth-down conversions by Detroit.

15. Baltimore Ravens [11] — Six teams have active losing streaks of at least three games: St. Louis, Tampa Bay, Tennessee, Detroit, and ... the Ravens and Jets, both of whom ranked as top-10 teams a couple weeks ago. Baltimore isn't getting blown out, and it isn't losing to bad teams, but a "good loss" counts the same in the standings as a bad one, and the Ravens are now a .500 team. Substandard cornerback play has become an enormous problem.

16. Dallas Cowboys [17] — The only NFC East team not to lose in Week 6. If Tony Romo and Roy Williams still don't have any chemistry after the bye week, I think we can officially label Williams a bust in Dallas.

17. Cincinnati Bengals [10] — Statistically a middle-of-the-road team, and that caught up to them this week after three straight 3-point victories. More important than the loss to Houston was the loss of DE Antwan Odom, who blocked a field goal this weekend and was tied for the NFL lead in sacks. Odom, who tore his Achilles, has been placed on season-ending injured reserve. The Bengals are now ranked below two opponents they've beaten, but this isn't the same team without its best defensive player.

18. Houston Texans [22] — Matt Schaub ranks first in passing TDs, second in passing yards, and sixth in passer rating. Does anyone in Houston still wish the team had drafted Vince Young? So far this season, Young has 5 passes and 3 runs. The result? Five yards, 1 fumble, an interception, and no completions.

19. San Diego Chargers [18] — Allowed more than 30 points for the second game in a row, and now rank 28th in points allowed. They really miss defensive linemen Jamal Williams (who is injured) and Igor Olshansky (who left in free agency). On Monday night, Jon Gruden called Williams "a six- or seven-time Pro Bowler". Actual number of Pro Bowls for Williams: three. That kind of hyperbole needs to be corrected.

20. New York Jets [13] — Mark Sanchez now has twice as many interceptions (10) as touchdowns (5), and it's obvious that he still has some learning to do. An even bigger issue right now is that standout NT Kris Jenkins injured his knee in Sunday's loss and will miss the rest of the season. Jenkins was probably the Jets' most valuable player, and they're lower in the rankings because of his absence. On a separate note, Thomas Jones is 31 years old, and this is his 10th season in the NFL. Washington's Clinton Portis is 28, an eight-year veteran. This weekend, both Jones and Portis had the longest runs of their respective careers: 71 yards for Jones and 78 for Portis. The Jets had the most rushing yards by a losing team since 1944 (Cleveland Rams vs. Washington).

21. Seattle Seahawks [20] — Can't put together two good games in a row. In Weeks 1, 3, and 5, they went 2-1 and outscored their opponents 88-25. In even-numbered weeks, they're 0-3 and have lost by a combined margin of 84-30.

22. Carolina Panthers [23] — Won their second in a row after an 0-3 start, but Carolina's 2-3 record is only slightly more impressive than Washington's 2-4. Carolina had a great day running the ball, but one game doesn't mean the ground attack is back on track, and Jake Delhomme continues to throw an alarming number of interceptions. The league suspended DB Dante Wesley for one game after his vicious hit on Tampa returner Clifton Smith.

23. Jacksonville Jaguars [21] — After spending the first 10 years of his career with St. Louis, Torry Holt lit up his old team for 101 yards on 5 receptions. Jacksonville outplayed the Rams in a way that the 3-point overtime victory doesn't reflect, but nearly lost because of turnovers. Maurice Jones-Drew is having a great season, but the team should divide his workload more carefully. Backup Rashad Jennings only averages 2.5 carries per game.

24. Cleveland Browns [25] — This is almost certainly too high. The Browns rank 31st in offense and 32nd in defense. They're basically the same team as Washington, except with a worse defense. But they won at Buffalo last week and lost to a good team on Sunday, so here they are. To be fair, the Browns have played a pretty nasty schedule.

25. Buffalo Bills [26] — Finally pulled out a close game, intercepting Mark Sanchez five times and knocking off a division rival. But the Bills' locker room looks like an E.R. This team leads the league in significant injuries, and I just don't see how they can be competitive without getting five or six interceptions every week.

26. Oakland Raiders [31] — Terrific blocking by rookie receiver Louis Murphy on Zach Miller's 86-yard touchdown. The absolute highlight of this game, though, was a silver-and-black pigeon accompanying the Raiders' kickoff team the whole length of the field and looking for all the world like part of the coverage unit. It even stayed in its lane!

27. Kansas City Chiefs [29] — How embarrassing for the franchise that several players dumped a cooler on Todd Haley after the win. I realize it had been a long time, but a celebratory bath for the head coach when you're 1-5? Have some pride.

28. Detroit Lions [27] — Offense looked lost without playmaker Calvin Johnson. The defense had its moments, with free agent acquisition Julian Peterson picking up 2.5 sacks and forcing a pair of fumbles.

29. Washington Redskins [28] — Still ranked ahead of both teams they've beaten. Both of those teams are winless, and all four teams that have beaten Washington got their first win of the season by doing so. Head coach Jim Zorn has been relieved of play-calling duties, which isn't necessarily a bad idea, but it's not going to fix anything, either.

30. Tennessee Titans [24] — How does an NFL pass defense give up 432 yards and 6 touchdowns in the snow? Tennessee's opponents have combined for a 117.5 passer rating this season, with a league-high 19 TDs. In fact, "league-high" doesn't do this number justice; 27 of the league's 32 teams have allowed less than half as many passing touchdowns as Tennessee.

31. St. Louis Rams [32] — Gave up 33 first downs against Jacksonville, which, if it's not the most in the league this year, has to be close.

32. Tampa Bay Buccaneers [30] — Tanard Jackson, recently back from suspension, returned an interception for a touchdown, and rookie receiver Sammie Stroughter had a breakout game, or at least what qualifies as one in Tampa. But it's not a player, or even a coach, whom I want to single out for praise. I frequently criticize referees, but John Parry's crew did a great job of handling Wesley's hit on Clifton Smith.

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Posted by Brad Oremland at 11:50 AM | Comments (5)

October 19, 2009

Style Points at the Top

If winning is all that matters, the top three teams in the country all did their jobs Saturday as they all stayed undefeated. For better or worse, winning is not all that matters in a sport where subjective evaluations make up such a large portion of the endgame.

In a season where consensus fourth place in the rankings seems like it is the bugaboo position no team wants to claim with any sort of affirmative authority, making the top three that much more significant. In addition, Alabama, Florida and Texas' talent levels in comparison to the other undefeated teams give the three a favorable position, rendering the others basically meaningless for the title game should all finish November unbeaten.

Yet, Florida and Texas were light years from convincing, while Alabama took care of business despite having troubling problems immediately behind center Saturday night. The three teams' performances added to my lingering feeling than Alabama has been the best and most consistent team all season, an assertion that was confirmed Sunday by the AP Poll, where the Crimson Tide jumped Florida for the top spot, but not by either the Coaches Poll or the Harris Poll, the contributors to the BCS and the ones that therefore really matter from here on out.

As Saturday began, Texas was facing the toughest game of the week against its predominant arch-rival this decade, Oklahoma, at the one neutral site where there truly is no home-field advantage to be had for either side. Oklahoma seemingly had its Heisman trophy winner near full-strength, a quarterback quality enough to overcome a offensive line that has trouble pushing blocking dummies off the ball, much less a top-ranked defense.

No later than 30 minutes after noon in the Eastern Time Zone, Oklahoma once again became the twice-beaten Sooners with a quarterback just as inexperienced as its offensive line. Texas should have taken advantage and coasted to a two-touchdown win, but was unable to thanks to an inspired performance by Oklahoma's defense, who threw the kitchen sink not only at Colt McCoy, but perhaps more importantly at Jordan Shipley.

Oklahoma used its biggest and most physical defensive back to take Shipley out of the game thereby cutting off McCoy's safety valve. The two teams combined for eight turnovers, making for a near-unwatchable game. Texas' defense stood up to the plate and lived up to its growing reputation of being a top-grade defense, but Texas' offensive gameplan at the start of the game in addition to the formula Oklahoma's defense may have spawned creates doubts about Texas' likelihood to run the table.

Florida got by an underrated Arkansas team, somehow, after turning the ball over four times. The Gators' running game, which was a huge factor in grinding out a win against LSU the previous week, and has been explosive all year, was held in check for the first time all season by an aggressive Arkansas front.

Florida's recent form, especially on offense, is reminiscent of how the offense struggled a little bit last year before the loss to Ole Miss, before completely obliterating all comers after the loss en route to the national title. It's ridiculous to say that a team needs a further wake up call after committing four turnovers at home and escaping with a win, but Florida needs to regain whatever they've lost not only before they are sure to play Alabama in the conference title game, but also before possibly dangerous games against the like of Georgia and South Carolina. It would be a very risky thing to say that Florida "could still win the title with a loss," especially as the weeks go by with Iowa and Cincinnati still undefeated in major conferences.

After Sam Bradford's injury happened, Alabama then had the toughest game among the top three on the day against a South Carolina team who was seemingly incapable of being blown out or blowing people out, no matter the level of the competition.

Strangely enough, Alabama suffered from the same sloppiness as the other main contenders, but the gaffes were largely the sole doing of quarterback Greg McElroy. The junior has essentially done everything asked of him to this point, and done it well, but threw 2 interceptions, fumbled once, and was highly involved in a botched handoff leading to a fourth turnover. McElroy also went only 10-of-20 for less than 100 yards. If McElroy had been even a little bit better, Alabama probably would have won by at least three touchdowns.

As poor as McElroy was, running back Mark Ingram was that outstanding — and more. If the Heisman is anything other than a quarterback award now, Ingram will be in serious contention after rushing for 550 yards in his last three games, all SEC games. On Saturday alone, Ingram ran for 246.

Such was the dominance that Ingram and the offensive line had over the Gamecocks that in the fourth quarter, Ingram starting taking Wildcat snaps from the gun, but usually just ran straight ahead, often for gains of 7 yards-plus. Ingram would ice the game by scoring a touchdown on that drive. The Alabama defense was, as is its custom, excellent, and stopped a ranked opponent from scoring a touchdown for the second consecutive week.

The season's first BCS standings delivered a couple of minor surprises, the most significant of which is that undefeated teams Boise State, Cincinnati, and Iowa all are ranked ahead of one-loss USC, meaning that four through six may be closer than previously assumed if attrition at the top occurs. Nonetheless, the top three still control their own destiny for Pasadena, with Alabama looking like the best of the bunch.

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Posted by Ross Lancaster at 11:29 AM | Comments (0)

82 Things to Watch For This NBA Season (Pt. 3)

Let's face it: the past decade in the NBA has been dominated by the Western Conference.

Seven of the 10 NBA champions in the 2000s came from the West. More often than not, the Western Conference Finals played out like the NBA Finals; whoever won was going to win the NBA title.

But like in every major sport, these things work in cycles. In the '90s, seven of the 10 NBA champions came from the Eastern Conference (Michael Jordan had a little something to do with that).

It's way too early predict an East Coast revival for the teens, but the way I see it, heading into the 2009-10 season, there are five legit contenders for the NBA title: Lakers, Spurs, Cavs, Magic, and Celtics. There are other teams that intrigue me, and obviously with trades and buyouts looming, a lot can change, but as of right now, the East has three of the top five teams in the league.

It's not exactly a revival, but it's a start.

Today, in part three of our "82 Things to Watch For This NBA Season" preview, I'll break down the former Leastern Conference and predict how each team will fare as they begin a new decade of basketball.

Lottery Teams

30. Milwaukee Bucks
Projected Record: 21-61

Talk about a team with no identity. When you think of the Bucks, what's the first thing that comes to mind?

Exactly. There isn't one thing that stands out about this team.

They drafted Brandon Jennings, the biggest question mark of the draft lottery because he went overseas instead of going to college, so no one has really seen him play. He might be the real deal for all we know, but I'll believe it when I see it.

I love Michael Redd, and I think that Andrew Bogut, when he's healthy, is a solid NBA center. The problem is, they've had these two guys playing together for four seasons and haven't done anything. It's clearly not enough.

They traded away all of Redd's scoring help in Richard Jefferson, and got next to nothing back in return. Rebuilding mode is in full effect in Milwaukee, I just can't tell which direction they are heading.

Also, they have by far the worst television presentation in the league. Catching the Milwaukee feed on the League pass is like taking a time machine back to the late-'80s. They never seem to be in HD, and I'm pretty sure their play-by-play guy is the same guy who announces the Flint Tropics games in Will Ferrell's "Semi-Pro." And just like "Semi-Pro," it's pretty unwatchable after about 10 minutes.

It's going to be a long season for Scott Skiles, that is, if he even makes it through the season.

29. Charlotte Bobcats
Projected Record: 31-51

Here's the problem with predicting the bottom half of the Eastern Conference: seven teams finished within seven games of making the playoffs last season.

Inevitably, some are going to get better, some are going to get worse, and some are going to repeat last season.

In the case of the Bobcats, they're going to get slightly worse for one reason: Larry Brown.

Yeah, I know Brown is notorious for taking bad teams and turning them around. And he had the 'Cats in the thick of things before a late-season collapse put them back in their familiar seat at the lottery drawing last May.

But here's the other thing Brown is famous for: trading away his whole team and starting over. The Bobcats had an amazing 24 different players play for them at some point last season. I couldn't find it for sure on Basketball-Reference.com (which means you probably can't find it), but I'm assuming that's some sort of a record.

Here's the problem: Brown isn't done. He traded away the Bobcat's most consistent performer and the closest thing to the face of the franchise in Emeka Okafor this offseason for Tyson Chandler.

You simply can't win with the entire team walking on eggshells like that. By the end of this season, Pound For Pound will probably have the roster set to his liking, which makes the Bobcats a playoff threat in 2011, not 2010.

28. New York Knicks
Projected Record: 32-50

The Knicks aren't going to be any better this season because they're clearly just waiting patiently for the summer of 2010 to rebuild their team through free agency.

There's your 2009-10 Knick preview.

Now, I'm using this space to vent about the referee lockout.

Already this preseason we've had a game with over 100 free throws, two coaches fined for criticizing the officials, and we're still eight days away from these games even counting.

The league is locking out the referees over a $700,000 difference in opinion in what the two sides feel like the budget for referees should be, or approximately what the NBA charges for one block of commercials during the NBA Finals.

And here's the worst part about it: the offer that the refs made to the league was less money than they made last season. They are volunteering to take a pay cut because times are tough economically in the NBA, and that's still not good enough for David Stern.

Stern is essentially telling the fans that he'd rather put out an inferior product than pay the referees fair market value.

Even despite all this, I promised myself that I wouldn't snap over the use of replacement referees until a prominent rabbi had to step in and defuse a volatile situation between replacement refs and an assistant coach.

Ladies and gentlemen, I've snapped.

27. New Jersey Nets
Projected Record: 35-47

Last season in my preview of the Nets, I said that the only thing I like about this team is that Jay-Z owns 1.8% of them.

This year I like two things: Jay-Z owning 1.8% of them, and Brook Lopez.

I think this guy is the real deal. I even predicted him to be the third team All-NBA Center this season. He's poised for a breakout season. I can't stress that enough. If you take one thing away from the "82 Things to Watch For This NBA Season," it should be that.

26. Washington Wizards
Projected Record: 36-46

Last week, I predicted that new Wizards head coach Flip Saunders would win coach of the year. I was all set to pick the Wizards to make the playoffs and make them my sleeper team in the East.

Then I saw Antawn Jamison get hurt this week and I realized: even when this team was healthy, they were nothing more than a 45-48 win team. What are the chances that they can stay healthy again?

Not to mention, Gilbert Arenas is a huge question mark this season. He lost his personality along with his explosiveness last season, and that's not a good thing. Gilbert needs to be a strong personality. It's part of his game. 95% of the league plays worse when they are chatting with fans and opposing players. Gilbert is in the other 5%.

If his on-the-court demeanor matches what we've seen from him off the court this preseason, the Wizards are in trouble. But if Gilbert gets his swagger back, and Jamison isn't injured too badly, the Wizards can make the move into the playoffs.

But until it happens, I still consider them to be a lottery team.

25. Philadelphia 76ers
Projected Record: 39-43

Philly was a prime example of an overachieving team last season. Their best player, Elton Brand, got hurt last season and they still made the playoffs. The reason they made the playoffs: Andre Miller.

In a related story, Andre Miller now plays for the Trail Blazers.

He was the heart and soul of this team last season, and he carried them down the stretch and in the Orlando Series. You can't replace a guy like Miller with just anyone.

So who did the Sixers tap to replace Miller?

That's not rhetorical, I'm asking.

Look at their roster. Who's going to play point guard for this team?

They have some weapons at the wing positions, and I don't mind Elton Brand, or even Sam Dalembert, but with nobody to initiate the offense, I can't see this team getting back to the playoffs this year.

24. Toronto Raptors
Projected Record: 40-42

Toronto swung for the fences this offseason when they signed Hedo Turkoglu.

Not because he's necessarily going to be a difference maker for this team, but because that was their last ditch effort to sign Chris Bosh.

They literally spent everything they had on the best available free agent to prove to Bosh that they were committed to winning with him there.

Here's the problem: I don't think Turkoglu is a great fit in Toronto.

What made him such a weapon for the Magic is that they ran the offense through him. He was able to score and distribute, and his size made him tough to match up with.

In Toronto, they already have someone in Jose Calderon to run the offense through. As good as Turkaglo is, he's not better at initiating an offense than Calderon, especially an offense that he's never played in before.

On paper, the addition of Turkoglu makes the Raptors look like a better team. But when you start to consider how they are actually going to have to use him, the 2010 version of this team doesn't look a whole lot better than the 2009 version.

Get your tickets now, Raptors fans. There are only 41 more chances to see Chris Bosh play for your team.

Playoff Teams

23. Indiana Pacers
Projected Record: 41-41

The Pacers won 36 games last season, and that was a best-case-scenario for that team. Mike Dunleavy, Jr., their second best player, only played in 18 games all of last season. If he can play a full season, that alone could be good enough for an extra five wins.

Danny Granger established himself as a legit NBA star last season, and he only played in 66 games. Troy Murphy was the first player in NBA history to finish the season in the top five in both rebounding and three-point percentage, and he only played in 73 games. T.J. Ford played 74 games, which is staying healthy by his standards, but that's still missing eight games.

Then there's Roy Hibbert, who showed flashes of being a formidable NBA center in his rookie season, aside from his almost unbelievable 7.7 fouls per 36 minutes. If he continues to grow and learns how to play defense without fouling, that's a very good core for this team.

Maybe it's asking too much for all of these guys to stay healthy for an entire season, but if they do, don't be surprised if the Pacers are a .500 team and earn the right to get swept by the Cavs.

22. Detroit Pistons
Projected Record 41-41

For some reason, I've decided to give the tiebreaker between the Pistons and Pacers to the Pistons.

I don't know how many different ways I can say it: I hated what the Pistons did this offseason. I don't mind Ben Gordon or Charlie Villanueva as players; I definitely mind the fact that they spent over $100 million to get them.

Then there's Rodney Stuckey. He's been anointed the starting point guard despite showing no signs that he's good enough to earn the job and having the skill-set of a two-guard.

They have no inside presence on offense and no solid perimeter defenders. Trust me, I've watch Tayshaun Prince up close for all six of his NBA seasons, he's as overrated as a defender as you can get. He shuts down bad players, gets torched by good players. Watch a Piston game when they play against LeBron, Paul Pierce, and any other good small forward in the league. For a "lock-down" defender, he sure has trouble guarding them.

Still, despite all that, the Pistons are good enough to beat bad teams. They're gonna score, there's no doubt about that, and they have streaky shooters like Ben Gordon and Rip Hamilton that can get hot and win games for them.

Maybe we've just been so spoiled in Detroit by six straight trips to the conference finals that I'm disgusted with the Pistons now settling into being an average NBA team, but until this group proves me wrong or I accept that fact that the Pistons are just average, I refuse to write anything good about them.

Projecting them to win 41 games is as nice as I can see myself being to this team for the foreseeable future.

21. Atlanta Hawks
Projected Record: 46-36

I really want to revisit this team in three weeks. I want to see them play like 5-7 games this season and get a feel for them. As of right now, I see them as anywhere between a 40- and a 52-win team. So for now, I'll split the difference.

Here's my big issue with projecting how the season will play out for the Hawks: I don't know what to make of the Jamal Crawford signing.

Is he going to accept his role as sixth man? Is he going to take minutes away from Joe Johnson or Mike Bibby? Are they going to play all three of those players together? If they do, are they going to be good enough defensively to beat good teams? And what does that mean for Marvin Williams?

I have so many questions about the Hawks this year. But when you get down to it, the real problem I have is that the Hawks have too much talent to play everyone at once. Is that really such a bad problem to have?

I'll stop asking questions for now, but rest assured I'll be revisiting this team a few weeks from now after a few visits to Philips Arena via the NBA League Pass.

20. Chicago Bulls
Projected Record: 48-34

If you watched the Bulls in the playoffs at all last season, you know that this team is ready for big things. Maybe not ready for an NBA title, or even a division title thanks to Cleveland, but they are going to be a team no one wants to play in the playoffs.

In fact, if it wasn't for Derrick Rose's ankle injury, I'd have the Bulls as a 50-win team. Missing camp like this means it might take him a week or two to hit his stride, which accounts for the two extra losses.

Losing Ben Gordon hurts because he was their one true outside threat, but it means more touches for Luol Deng and John Salmons, both of whom are more than capable of filling it up on any given night.

Joakim Noah has played great in the preseason, and Tyrus Thomas is due to finally reach his potential.

The Bulls are going to be good but not great, but they'll establish themselves this season as a very nice destination for a capable big man and a big name, championship caliber coach this offseason.

Look for 2010 to be the stepping stone into elite status for the Bulls.

19. Miami Heat
Projected Record: 50-32

I like the Heat to win 50 games for three reasons. First, they have Dwyane Wade, who basically single-handedly won 43 games for them last season.

Secondly, Mario Chalmers and Michael Beasley have a year of experience under their belts. They both put up decent numbers last season, especially for rookies. Naturally, you'd expect their production to increase in year two, in turn increasing the Heat's win total.

Granted, Beasley isn't exactly a sure thing, but hopefully his "vacation" this offseason helped him focus on basketball and he's able to tap into the enormous potential that he has.

And the final reason I'm picking the Heat to win 50 games: Pat Riley. I wrote earlier in the preview that this will be one of the most active trade deadlines in recent memory. With so many good players playing on expiring contracts, some of them are bound to get moved at the deadline. Is there another GM in the league more likely to pounce on a rent-with-an-option-to-buy superstar than Pat Riley?

The Heat are pretty good as constructed. I'm pretty sure they'll be even better by February 23rd.

18. Boston Celtics
Projected Record: 60-22

'Sheed [Wallace] thinks the Celtics can win 72 games. Let's ask him again in January when he realizes that in order to do that he'd have to play hard for all 82 games.

In fact, that's going to be the issue for the Celtics all season. They've gotten good enough to where the regular season doesn't matter anymore. Last year, they came out and won 27 of their first 29 games.

Then injuries and the dog days of winter set in, and they realized that they were going to win their division by 20 games and packed it in, realizing that a 70-win pace is pointless if it leaves you gassed for the playoffs.

Boston wasn't really Boston without K.G. in the playoffs last year, but it could have been a blessing in disguise. I don't think that they were good enough to compete with Orlando, Cleveland, or the Lakers even with a healthy Garnett last season.

But if they made a deep playoff run and came up short, they might have given that group one more shot.

But by getting bounced in the second round, they decide it was vital to get better up front, and added Rasheed Wallace. Now they start five weapons on offense and have two great post defenders on defense.

The trade-off is that they have one of the oldest starting fives in the league. They look good on paper, but if their aging stars aren't all healthy come April, we could be looking at a repeat of the 2009 season in Boston.

17. Orlando Magic
Projected Record: 62-20

The Magic had by far the best offseason of any team in the Eastern Conference. That's no small feat for a team that just played in the NBA Finals.

The addition of Vince Carter makes them scary good on offense, and with a healthy Jameer Nelson, the sky is the limit for how good this team can be.

The 10-game suspension for Rashard Lewis hurts a little bit, because that's 10 games that this team could spend getting comfortable with one another after adding Vince to the lineup, but it still leaves 72 games to work out all the kinks before the real season starts for them.

The suspension plus the adjustment period once Lewis gets back will result in fewer regular season wins than the Cavs, but as of right now, I think that Orlando is the better team and would take Cleveland in a seven game series, with or without home court advantage.

16. Cleveland Cavaliers
Projected Record 64-18

LeBron. Enough said.

They didn't lose any key players and they added Shaq. There's your 64 wins, at least.

But 64 wins isn't good enough for this team anymore. I know it, you know it, and LeBron knows it. Anything short of a title is a failure. That's what happens when you get as good as LeBron.

LeBron's BFF, Jay-Z, rapped one time, "The pressure's on, but guess who ain't gonna crack?"

This could be LeBron's last chance to bring an NBA title to his hometown. The pressure's on. Will LeBron and the Cavs crack yet again, or will Cleveland finally celebrate with a long overdue parade?

We won't know that until June, but I plan on enjoying every second of the show until we get there.

Eight more days. Just eight more days.

Be sure to check back at Sports Central next Monday as Scott Shepherd wraps up his "82 Things to Watch For This NBA Season" preview with a look at the Western Conference.

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Posted by Scott Shepherd at 11:12 AM | Comments (0)

October 16, 2009

Cards Have to Keep Holliday

It's an image that won't soon leave the minds of St. Louis Cardinals fans.

It was last Thursday. Bottom of the ninth. 2-1 Cardinals. Ryan Franklin on the mound. James Loney at the plate. Fly ball to left. Matt Holliday charging. Ball sinking, but he got there in time.

Drop.

And what should have been out 27 turned into baserunner one as Franklin would predictably collapse and blow the lead. A 1-1 series split with two to play at Busch turned into an 0-2 hole the Cardinals couldn't overcome, and the big in-season acquisition of Holliday was all of a sudden a Bill Buckner-level catastrophe.

At first, I was furious. I mean, I'm from New England. I've seen the Buckner replay a thousand times if I've seen it once. And this was right up there. Catch the ball and it's a whole new series. But he didn't and they folded. That one play will live forever. And I'll admit I cursed out Holliday and anybody who ever met him more than few times.

The real historical significance of this is yet to be determined. If the Dodgers go on to win the World Series and Holliday chooses to sign elsewhere, it will carry far more historical weight that if the Dodgers lose and Holliday re-signs.

Now the Cardinals can't do anything about who wins the Series. They had that chance and blew it. But they do have a very serious voice in how the Holliday situation turns out.

And there's a lot more at stake to the Holliday negotiations than just historical context. In a way, the Holliday negotiations are the first step in a far more important looming negotiation — that with future Hall of Fame first baseman Albert Pujols.

After the season ended, the Cards made the first move in trying to lock up Pujols, who has two more years on his deal with St. Louis. This was his response:

"We have not sat down to talk about contracts yet. Last week, the GM [John Mozeliak] called me and I told them to talk to my lawyer. But I reiterate that money is not everything, it's better to have a competitive team that can go to the postseason."

It doesn't take much of a genius to read in between the lines there. Pujols lived through the MV3 years with Jim Edmonds and Scott Rolen in their primes, and that's the type of team he wants to play on.

With all due respect to Ryan Ludwick and company, the Cardinals were no more than an MV1 on offense prior to Holliday's arrival. And even though the offense with Holliday fell apart toward the end of the regular season and into the playoffs, Pujols has clearly demonstrated the franchise will need to step up and sign guys like that — $100 million-type guys — in order to get AP to sign the rest of his career away to St. Louis.

And so this is the background with which the Cardinals enter negotiations with Holliday and his agent, Scott Boras.

By all accounts, this is a perfect marriage. With Ludwick in right field and budding star Colby Rasmus in center, Holliday would complete a very solid outfield. And with his bat in the cleanup spot behind Albert, opposing pitchers would have to think twice about always pitching around Albert (Joe Torre excepted).

Holliday has indicated his family enjoyed living in St. Louis the past two months, and the fact he received a standing ovation from the home crowd prior to Game 3 had to have an emotional impact on Holliday. The Mets, who figure to be a high bidder in the Holliday sweepstakes, certainly can't offer that.

It should be a perfect fit. The Cardinals have all the motivation in the world to make this happen — both to justify the trade that sent out top prospect Brett Wallace to the A's and to send a strong message to Pujols that the franchise is willing to spend to keep him surrounded by all-stars.

And Holliday has every reason to re-sign. Not only is he in a great bargaining position, but it's a great baseball city that fully embraced him and did everything it could to pick him up after the worst play of his career. You'd have to be a real cold bastard to not at least think you would want to play for those fans long-term.

But of course the Cardinals aren't bidding in a vacuum here. The Mets could throw down some ridiculous Texeira-level deal that St. Louis can't afford if they are going to have to give Pujols A-Rod-level money.

Or maybe Holliday wants to play out West again with a team like the Giants. Or maybe some AL team will throw ridiculous money at him and he'll bite even thought it seemed clear he's more happy in the National League.

So there's a lot of unknowns in this debate. But the one thing we do know is that the Cardinals need to go all out to make this happen. If somebody else trumps them, then so be it. But the Cardinals cannot be caught looking like they only gave a half-hearted effort.

Because if that's what happens, we could be looking at a very different kind of catastrophe in the winter of 2011.

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Posted by Joshua Duffy at 11:38 AM | Comments (2)

For Bevacqua, Future May Be Now

The LPGA Tour is in the midst of searching for its next commissioner. Former commish Carolyn Bivens was forced into resignation after a formal letter of no confidence from many keynote players on the Tour was delivered to her desk. After an initial vow not to acquiesce to player demands, Bivens caved and Retired Rear Admiral Marty Evans became the interim commissioner.

Just last week, one of the primary candidates to succeed in the position — WNBA head Donna Orender — gave as much of a public dismissal of interest in that job as is socially acceptable. If you fully believe what Golf World's Ron Sirak has reported, then that leaves one candidate who is on the A-list and has not expressed disinterest in the job.

That man is Pete Bevacqua. Bevacqua is the Chief Business Officer for the USGA. He has been in that position for nearly three years and formed critical relationships for the national golf rulemaking body, including those with American Express and Lexus. Bevacqua is the lone man to be on SportsBusiness Journal's 40 Under 40 list of up-and=coming sports professionals. The man clearly has the pedigree of someone who could help the LPGA Tour in sustaining its existing relationships and forge new ones.

In addition to being a golf businessman, he is in touch with the best of the best in women's golf. Bevacqua has a strong relationship with Annika Sorenstam, and they spent significant time talking at an American Express function at the USGA's headquarters in Far Hills, NJ, yesterday.

Though the details of that conversation are not known, Sorenstam has been chiming in to the LPGA Board of Directors since Bivens' dismissal on issues as they pertain to the current players on Tour. She is the voice of those players whose professional futures depend on the capability of the next commissioner. Having forged a relationship with Bevacqua seems to suggest that Sorenstam may well signal an approval with his selection to become the next LPGA Tour commissioner.

If that is true and Bevacqua is the selection of the Tour and its headhunter firm Spencer Stuart, then the question lies in his willingness to take on the challenge that the Tour presents. Given the environment that the LPGA is trying to salvage strained sponsorships and forge new ones, Bevacqua would have to hit the ground running to make quick inroads in firming up the 2010 schedule that remains with many question marks.

He would also have to do so with less staff, as interim commissioner Evans has let go seven staffers in anticipation of tough personnel decisions that a new boss would have to make.

In other words, if Bevacqua is the man for the job, then the ball truly is in his court. Should he take the job?

Bevacqua did not tip his hand one way or the other in a conversation with me yesterday afternoon. We spent several minutes talking about the business of his current employer — the USGA. From subjects spanning the money behind the 2013 Open at Merion to RBS' draw to the USGA's grants program, Bevacqua is on message and point. USGA staffers are not even certain of his thought process or leanings were he to be offered the job.

But, if he were, the question in favor of taking the job is simple. Could he do any worse than Carolyn Bivens? Often times, the standard for a job candidate is that of their predecessor. While Bivens accomplished several significant business goals for the Tour — including several media rights deals — she also lost serious ground with tournament owners and sponsors. Bevacqua, or any new commissioner, would pick up where Marty Evans left off in restoring these strained business relationships. What will be critical to restoring them is the recognition that the LPGA Tour is a close-knit bunch who are not prepared to be barnstormed by a Madison Avenue-type.

Further, the LPGA Tour could draw criticism from close observers that are sensitive to the transition from a female commissioner — the Tour's first. Were a male to take the job, there will be critics on both sides that have ammo with the fact that a second woman would not be given the chance to direct the Tour. Though this would have no rational basis, it is a shot that would be lobbed in niche circles.

That kind of fringe criticism would likely not bother someone like Bevacqua, a focused man who has the presence of someone who would do well in the executive suite. He is a conversation starter, but certainly not a dictator. Simultaneously, he can clearly be observed ready to forge relationships based on listening instead of demands.

He spoke to me about what the USGA's corporate sponsors have brought to the organization other than dollars. In American Express came a better understanding of business and membership intelligence. With IBM came a catapult into the digital age with their web presence. Bevacqua is interested in relationships that not only have a monetary component, but a symbiosis that improves the culture and learning of the USGA.

The LPGA Tour is sorely lacking in many of the areas that were gaps with the USGA. Though not to say that the USGA is the gold standard for organizational perfection, it is not a coincidence that the reputation of the governing body and its championship experiences has improved during his tenure as Chief Business Officer.

While the golf world speculates about his and the LPGA Tour's future, though, Pete Bevacqua will continue working deals, rooms, and people with a constant focus for the USGA — who signs his paychecks. But will it be too long before he starts signing his own?

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Posted by Ryan Ballengee at 11:21 AM | Comments (0)

October 15, 2009

NFL Weekly Predictions: Week 6

Note: the quotes in this article are fictional.

St. Louis @ Jacksonville (-10)

Just when it appeared the Jaguars had turned their season around with two consecutive wins, they were humiliated 41-0 in Seattle, registering only 199 total yards.

"I hate to use the Lord's name in vain," says Jack Del Rio. "But we were God-awful in Seattle. I don't think I've ever uttered the phrase 'What the hell?!' so many times. But I'll be damned if I could tell you what happened to my team. Maybe it was the shock at seeing a captive audience. Qwest Field was packed. And speaking of a 'captive audience,' that may be the only way we can fill the house at Jacksonville Municipal Stadium — by the use of captivity."

For the Rams, much of the attention from their 0-5 start has been deflected by the news that conservative radio host Rush Limbaugh, along with St. Louis Blues owner Dave Checketts, is seeking to bid on Rams ownership. The Reverends Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson have chimed in on the matter, and sent a letter to NFL commissioner Roger Goodell criticizing Limbaugh. And at least seven NFL players have publicly announced their opposition to Limbaugh's potential stake in the franchise

"Seven players that have refused to play for Limbaugh?" asks Steve Spagnuolo. "He's lucky. I've got about 55 that have refused to play for me."

"However, there hasn't been much opposition to Limbaugh in this locker room. I think the only real reaction came from linebacker James Laurinaitis, the offspring of one-half of legendary professional wrestling tag team the Road Warriors, who quizzically stated 'What, a Rush?' when he heard of Limbaugh's intentions."

"But do we really need a Limbaugh/Sharpton/Jackson sideshow distracting this team? Of course we do. We need help scoring. And, considering Limbaugh's past comments concerning Donovan McNabb, I think Rush would make a great 'offensive' coordinator. Now, it wouldn't be in Rush's best interests to question Sharpton's and Jackson's involvement by wondering aloud whether the two are 'brothers-up-in-arms.'"

The Jaguars are an enigma. Will the team that beat the Titans and Texans make a cameo, or will the team that laid an egg in Seattle make another unwanted appearance? Just like with their fans, it's all a matter of who shows up.

It's a Jaguar home game. They don't play the "Star Spangled Banner" beforehand; they play the Scorpions' "Blackout."

Jacksonville wins, 23-20.

Kansas City @ Washington (-6½)

It's no surprise that Indian advocacy groups will be up in arms over the Chiefs-Redskins contest. It's bad enough that these two teams are represented by Indian mascots and logos; what makes it intolerable is their current places in the standings — the Chiefs and Redskins are last in their respective divisions.

"I can absolutely understand where Native Americans are coming from on this issue," says Jim Zorn. "Do Indians want to be represented by incompetent teams? Of course not. That's like NFL coaches being represented by me."

"But I can't deny Indians their Constitutional right to protest. It's their prerogative. However, I think they should have opted for a nobler, and less ironic, form of protest than TP'ing FedEx Field."

It's arguable, but the Chiefs may be the best 0-5 team in the NFL. In their favor, they took the Ravens and the Cowboys to the limit before losing. On the negative side, they took the Cowboys to the limit before losing. And they lost to the Raiders.

"The Chiefs losing to the Raiders?" says Todd Haley. "Not only is that embarrassing to Indians, it's an affront to human beings."

"Anyway, I expect ineptitude in this game to be just as widespread as Indian imagery. Already, I hear that Zorn cleanses his hair with 'Scalp-A-Skin' shampoo. And I hear that the Clinton Portis/Mike Sellars feud was mediated with a peace pipe by none other than Nobel Peace Prize winner Barrack Obama."

Washington wins, 19-17.

Houston @ Cincinnati (-4)

After another dramatic win, this time over the Ravens, the Bengals are in sole possession of the AFC North lead. Carson Palmer's 20-yard touchdown pass to Andre Caldwell with 22 seconds left gave Cincy a 17-14 win in Baltimore, improving their division record to a perfect 3-0. The Bengals host the 2-3 Texans, who are struggling to keep pace in the AFC South.

"After three straight wins over division opponents," says Chad Ochocinco, "we're extremely confident, but not overconfident. Overconfidence would be telling a rival to his face what I'm going to do. Simple confidence is Twittering that same trash talk."

"But just because the Texans aren't a division rival doesn't me they'll escape the mouth of Ochocinco. All I've got to say is the Houston defensive backfield should beware, because I'm a 'registered Tex' offender.'"

To upset the Bengals, the Texans will need big games from their trio of offensive stars, Matt Schaub, Steve Slayton, and Andre Johnson.

"I limit my talk to the field of play," says Johnson, "whereas Ochocinco does his nearly everywhere. The cat must be a ventriloquist, because I've heard him talk out his ass on several occasions."

The Bengals are longer the all offense-no defense team of old; they are a team built to play in the harsh weather of January. Of course, that's assuming they choose to play in November and December.

Cedric Benson rushes for 136 yards against a weak Texans rush defense, and the Bengals sack Matt Schaub 4 times.

Cincinnati wins, 27-17.

Baltimore @ Minnesota (-3)

With the AFC North lead on the line, the Ravens lost to the Bengals last week, felled once again by penalties that kept alive Cincy's game-winning drive. Two weeks ago, some questionable calls in New England killed the Ravens chances; this time, the calls weren't as controversial, but were as equally devastating.

"Was it worth the penalty to know Ochocinco's block off?" says Ray Lewis. "I guess not. He was able to put it back on."

"But you've got to hand it to the Bengals. They've got a knack for winning games late, as well as a knack, like the Patriots, for winning games by virtue of penalties. It's no surprise then that those Cincinnati 'drama queens' wear skirts."

The Vikings are 5-0 for the first time in six years, led by Brett Favre and Adrian Peterson on offense and one of the league's best defensive front fours on defense.

"Baltimore's defense may get all the press," says Jared Allen, "but we lead the league in sacks. I like to say we're 'number one with a mullet.'"

"Myself, I lead the NFC in sacks with 6.5. That should be no surprise, seeing as I've got the tackle duo of Kevin and Pat Williams drawing double teams, which frees me to beat slow and goofy tackles for the sacks. Kevin and Pat are beasts, and probably the most talented defensive tackles in the league. Pat's got so much talent, it's spilling over his waistband. I'm lucky to be his teammate. Were I not, I don't think I'd be half as successful. In other words, it would be a case of 'no guts, no glory.'"

There won't be much room near the line of scrimmage on Sunday in the Metrodome. So the outcome is likely to hinge on the quarterbacks, particularly their decision-making skills. And everyone, including Joe Flacco, has an edge on Brett Favre in that respect.

Baltimore wins, 25-23.

Detroit @ Green Bay (-11)

The 2-2 Packers look to get back in the win column after an off week to digest their 30-23 loss to the Vikings two weeks ago. What was most unpalatable about that defeat was the eight sacks given up by the Packers offensive line.

"My offensive line has more holes than Brett Favre's reasoning explaining a retirement/comeback," says Aaron Rodgers. "But I'm not one to complain. Besides, in the 1.3 seconds I have to decide whether to throw or take a sack, I really don't have time to complain."

In addition to a winless road record, the Lions have injury issues at their most crucial positions. Rookie quarterback Matthew Stafford is dealing with a knee injury suffered in Chicago, while wide receiver Calvin Johnson injured his right knee last Sunday in the Lions' 28-20 loss to Pittsburgh.

"If you look at this team's history," says Jim Schwartz, "you'll see that Detroit quarterbacks, despite their troubles at the position, were brave enough to play injured. For example, just look at Joey Harrington in 2004. He played Tchaikovsky's Piano Concerto 1 with a dislocated pinkie. I expect to see that same kind of toughness out of Stafford."

Expect Stafford to play. After all, this is a homecoming of sorts for him. The Packers have 'G's' on their helmets just like at Georgia. But Detroit's injury issues, along with a Packers team rested from a bye week, give Green Bay a sizeable edge.

Stafford shows his heart by playing hurt, and displays his youthful exuberance when he executes a new trick play in the Lion playbook, the "Statue of Puberty" play, which results in a touchdown.

Green Bay wins, 31-17.

Cleveland @ Pittsburgh (-13½)

If you're wondering what an "ugly win" looks like, look no further that the Browns 6-3 win in Buffalo last week, a game won despite a horrid passing day from Derek Anderson, who went 2-for-17 for 23 yards and 1 interception.

"Apparently, Derek is still throwing to Braylon Edwards," says Eric Mangini. "Now, in Derek's defense, it seemed our receivers were still catching with Braylon Edwards' hands."

"What's most remarkable about our quarterback situation? The fact that I had enough confidence in Derek to leave him in there? Or the fact that I had I lacked the confidence in Brady Quinn not to put him in? The fact is, I'm not too fond of him, either. As I like to say in regards to our quarterbacks — 'It's 'nothing' personnel.'"

Troy Polamalu is expected to return against the Browns after missing four games with a knee injury. That should help improve a pass defense that gave up 282 yards in the air to Daunte Culpepper. It should also make defensive coordinator Dick LeBeau's evil schemes more diabolical, as Polamalu is often used in a variety of roles in LeBeau's blitz packages.

"I feel with Troy in the game," says LeBeau, "I can 'let my hair down' as a coordinator. What's that? You didn't ask about my hair? You asked with your eyes, friend. You asked with your eyes."

LeBeau goes "Rapunzel" on the Browns and Derek Anderson, unleashing a merciless blitz on the struggling quarterback. Polamalu grabs an interception, and Ben Roethlisberger throws for 249 yards and 2 TD scores.

Cleveland ca-Pitt-ulates; Pittsburgh wins, 27-6.

Carolina @ Tampa Bay (+3)

In a battle of NFC South cellar-dwellers, the Panthers travel to Tampa to face the winless Buccaneers. Carolina recorded their first win of the season, beating Washington 20-17 in a game marked both by a gutsy, 10-yard run by Jake Delhomme to preserve the win, and by the return of Julius Peppers. After a slow start to the year, Peppers logged two sacks against the Redskins.

"You've probably heard that I had a little talk with Julius," says linebacker John Beason. "There were no accusations and no criticisms. I just asked Julius one question: 'Do you know the difference in making money and earning money?' That seemed to get his attention. How do I know? Because he hit me harder than he's hit anyone all year."

If there's a silver lining in Tampa's fortunes, it's that second-year quarterback Josh Johnson is gaining valuable experience and playing time. Although he's struggled often, he's formed a swell connection with tight end Kellen Winslow. Johnson and Winslow connected for two touchdowns in the Bucs' 33-14 loss to Philadelphia last week.

"We're pleased with Josh's progress," says Raheem Morris. "He's really made the most of his 'Winslow' of opportunity. But 0-5 is not where we intended to be right now. But we've got no one to blame but ourselves. There will be no finger-pointing. There will be no blame tossed around. There will be no excuses. The last thing we want to be known as are 'but' pirates."

"Now, we fully expect the Panthers to 'bring it' when they face Johnson. But I'm no prude. I also hope the Panthers bring their cheerleaders, who, inevitably, while in Tampa, seem to end up in a sports bar performing cunning stunts in a bathroom stall."

Was the Panthers win over the Redskins that impressive? Don't forget, the Panthers trailed at one point 17-2, and probably wouldn't have won if not for a bonehead special teams error by Washington. Tampa Bay ran fairly effectively against the Eagles before falling behind and abandoning the run. They'll be able to stick with the run, and will hang in until the end.

Tampa wins, 16-14.

NY Giants @ New Orleans (-3)

With a win over the Giants on Sunday, the undefeated Saints will complete the "New York sweep," already having beaten the Jets in Week 4. A win won't come easy against the 5-0 Giants, who, like the Saints, boast a potent offense backed by a solid defense.

"It's not often you mention 'defense' in the same breath with 'offense' in New Orleans," says Sean Payton. "Our guys are disciplined and physical. I haven't seen this much hard-hitting action in the Bayou since the Waterboy terrorized opponents of the University of Louisiana Cougars. I've yet to see a dropkick tackle, but the season is still young."

"Anyway, when you couple our physicality on defense with the opposing quarterbacks throwing directly to Darren Sharper, we're pretty hard to beat. Darren's the 'Larry Brown' of the regular season."

New York may present the Saints stiffest test so far, as the Giants are just as lethal offensively as they are defensively. The defense will keep the G-Men in the game; it will be up to Eli Manning to win it for them.

"This foot injury won't keep me out of this game," says Manning, "although I'll probably have to play 30 more minutes than I did in the Raider game. There's really not much that can be done to treat my foot condition, plantar fasciitis. Massage is the only remedy. Luckily, some of my teammates who frequent 'underground' parlors have introduced me to some of their more nimble-fingered artists. These 'support' ho's have really made my foot feel better."

Does the Saints bye week give them much of an advantage over the Giants? Not really. The G-Men had a bye week, as well — they played the Raiders.

New York wins, 33-30.

Arizona @ Seattle (-3)

After missing three games with a rib injury, Seattle's Matt Hasselbeck's return to the lineup energized the Seahawks in a 41-0 pasting of the visiting Jaguars. Hasselbeck threw for 241 yards and 4 touchdowns as Seattle improved to 2-3, one game out of the NFC West lead.

"It's never easy playing with pain," says Hasselbeck, "unless you're involved in some weird, sadomasochistic ritual. But enough about Marv Albert. I've had a number of teammates and coaches alike needling me to suck it up and play. It wasn't until I was 'needled' by a doctor that I really felt like playing."

Like the Seahawks, the Cardinals are 2-3 and eager to forge a tie with the idle 49ers in the West. To do so, Arizona will need a complete game from their offense, which dropped 21 first-half points on the Texans last week, then did nothing else.

"That game rekindled some fond memories," says Kurt Warner. "I remember bagging groceries during 'half-off' sales. I'm not sure we've had a 'complete game' all year, which puts us about even with the Diamondbacks."

Seattle wins, 27-21.

Philadelphia @ Oakland (+13)

Sure, Donovan McNabb is back for the Eagles, and Michael Vick will be the subject of a documentary airing on BET in 2010, but those stories pale in comparison to the sagas surrounding the 1-4 Oakland Raiders, a franchise bordering on implosion. With evidence mounting, Tom Cable may be charged with assault soon, as could quarterback JaMarcus Russell, for assault on the senses.

"That team is a mess," says Donovan McNabb. "If I were a Raider, there is no doubt that I would vomit on that field, not from exhaustion, but just for spite."

"As felons go, Tom Cable is probably the best coach in the league. Eyewitness accounts of the incident indicate that he went all John Chaney on assistant coach Randy Hanson, threatening to kill him. I hear that coaches now have resorted to wearing headgear to meetings. I'm not sure I could play for a coach like that. Andy Reid can be intimidating, but only with his intellect. Sure, Coach Reid is comparable in size to Cable, but Andy brings a lot more to the table. 'Battery' not included.'"

Does Russell have the talent to quarterback in the NFL? Does he have the talent to succeed at elementary school dodge ball? Who knows? But he's obviously not making progress in Oakland, and Al Davis seems blindly intent on making the Raiders' drafting of Russell look like a wise one. But Russell's chances of realizing his potential more than likely lie with another team. So, JaMarcus, if you're reading, get out of Oakland. Even if that requires you to defect to Cuba.

Have you heard? McNabb is now a spokesman for the International House of Pancakes, and this game will be quite similar to the way McNabb likes his eggs.

"Over easy."

The Raiders put a field goal on the board first, but the Eagles then score 24 unanswered points. McNabb throws for 226 yards and 2 scores, and the Eagles defense forces three Russell turnovers. Cable is later charged with assault, while Davis is ticketed for "Al-feasance" and contributing to the delinquency of a franchise.

Philadelphia wins, 33-9.

Buffalo @ NY Jets (-10)

In an AFC East showdown, the Jets host the struggling Bills, who managed only three points in a 6-3 home loss to Cleveland last week. It was a performance that left many shaking their heads, including Bills owner Ralph Wilson, when asked by Dick Jauron if there's any chance he'd return as head coach next year.

"For now, though," says Wilson, "I'm standing firmly behind Dick. Which, by golly, is a position in which I'd much rather be than having Dick behind me."

Good point, Ralph. Rumor has it that Wilson is already considering options for a new coach in 2010. Candidates include Buffalo head coach Lindy Ruff, Goo Goo Dolls lead singer Johnny Rzeznik, and Don Criqui. What do they all have in common? They're more qualified to coach than Jauron.

Despite a Monday night loss in Miami, the Jets were impressed with new addition Braylon Edwards, who not only made a splash, he also made a catch. Five, in fact, for 64 yards and a touchdown.

"Apparently," says Rex Ryan, "Braylon left all his baggage in Cleveland, including his old hands."

Ryan was none too pleased with the Jets defensive effort against the Dolphins. Expect that to be corrected against the Bills, whose simple-minded offensive playbook has nary a play utilizing a "wildcat" formation, or any mammalian formation for that matter.

Cornerback Darrelle Revis makes up for a sloppy day against the Dolphins by limiting Terrell Owens to 2 catches for 21 yards.

New York wins, 27-10.

Tennessee @ New England (-9)

The 0-5 Titans couldn't even score a touchdown last week against the Colts, while the Patriots were just as bad in the second half in mile-high Denver last week, as Tom Brady and the vaunted New England offense couldn't even put a point on the board. For two teams that many predicted to challenge atop the AFC, there are many doubts afloat about each, despite their disparate records.

"Hey, what do Tom Brady and Vince Young have in common?" says Jeff Fisher. "Neither wants to quarterback the Titans."

"Now, as the co-chairman of the league's competition committee, I'll make sure we take a look at the rules protecting quarterbacks and re-train our officials if necessary. As the NBA lockout has shown, NBA referees are looking out for number one. Recent incidents have indicated that NFL officials may be looking out for No. 12."

"Incidentally, Brady and Giselle Bundchen are considering names for their child. If it's a girl, I'm told that Brady wants to name her either 'Prima Donna' or 'Bridget Moynahan.'"

In New England, Bill Belichick wants more from his defense, especially after the Patriots defense allowed the Broncos to effortlessly move for the game-tying and game-winning scores last Sunday. To assist with that endeavor, the Patriots have signed linebacker Junior Seau.

"Junior can do a lot for this team," says Belichick. "He's got a wealth of experience and leadership, but I think his most likely contribution will be raising the average age of this team by at least a year."

So, Belichick wants to see more out of his defense? Well, I'm guessing the defense wants to see more out of the offense. That means you, Tom Brady. And you, Randy Moss. If mooning fans, squirting officials, and leaving the field early will help you produce more, then by all means, do those things.

New England wins, 29-27.

Chicago @ Atlanta (-3½)

The Falcons impressive 45-10 win in San Francisco sent a message to the league that Atlanta is as good, if not better, than last year's playoff team. Now, the Falcons find themselves in the shoes of the 49ers, hosting a hot team coming off a bye week.

"It was like the 49ers weren't expecting us," says Mike Smith. "I think Dre Bly would know exactly what I'm talking about."

"We won't fall into that same trap. You won't see us rest on our laurels, or look past an opponent, or celebrate a touchdown 70 yards before crossing the goal line. But only because the Raiders aren't on our schedule."

The 3-1 Bears are vying to keep pace with the Vikings, and by game time Sunday night, they'll know whether they can gain ground on the Vikes with a win. After a dismal start to the season, Jay Cutler has been superb, passing for 7 touchdowns with only 1 interception. But could he be even better with Terrell Owens in a Bear uniform?

"I'm not sure I'd want to take the chance on T.O. upsetting this team's chemistry," says Cutler. "Besides, we'd really have to grease his palms to get him here, and that would only exacerbate the difficulty Owens already has catching the ball."

Atlanta wins, 30-24.

Denver @ San Diego (-3½)

Very few people expected the Broncos to be 5-0, but Josh McDaniels has certainly quieted any doubters who dare criticize Denver now. Last week at home, the Broncos shut out the Patriots in the second half, erasing a 17-7 deficit on their way to a 20-17 triumph in overtime.

"Hey, there's nothing more satisfying than being locked in an embrace with Bill Belichick," says McDaniels. "Especially as a winner, assuming the embrace stays vertical."

"I'm particularly proud of the way our defense totally shut down the Patriots in the second half. Mike Nolan has really brought attitude to a defense than languished without an identity last year. They really got after Brady and the Pats. You could see that the Patriots offense was suffering from altitude 'sic'-ness."

For Philip Rivers, it's easy to get pumped up for a Monday night game against his most hated AFC West rivals, but that excitement is tempered by a bit of disappointment.

"What on earth am I to do against the Broncos," says Rivers, "with no Jay Cutler to childishly taunt? But really, who needs Bronco players when our own general manager, A.J. Smith, can fire us up just as well. Smith didn't name names, but he questioned the effort of some, saying they were 'soft.' That wasn't accepted too well in the locker room, particularly by Shawne Merriman. You don't call Merriman 'soft' and not expect a retort, a 'flaccid reflux,' if you will."

"But Smith made his point. If you call everyone soft, then those that react likely are soft."

If the Chargers can't find the necessary motivation to win at home against the Broncos, then there's only one thing that could be softer than the Chargers, and that's the Broncos' road to the AFC West title.

Merriman and the San Diego defense play with inspiration, and Rivers connects with Antonio Gates for two scores.

San Diego wins, 26-17.

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Posted by Jeffrey Boswell at 11:33 AM | Comments (0)

Why the NFL Needs Rush Limbaugh

At UFC 100, Brock Lesnar became the UFC's undisputed heavyweight champion and responded by frantically engaging in the most vilifying actions he could think of. In a fit of pure adrenaline and relying on the theatrics he picked up in Vince McMahon's fantasy sports entertainment world, Lesnar began flipping off the crowd, tore the mic away from Joe Rogan to blast the sponsors, and mocked his opponent.

Lesnar later admitted he went overboard in trying to embrace that heel role after UFC head Dana White had a conversation with him. White said he told Lesnar he didn't have to be the bad guy and, to a degree, he's right. Lesnar doesn't have to be the bad guy because his reputation in mixed martial arts isn't cemented yet. He can be whatever he wants to be. But that doesn't mean sports doesn't have a need for heels. And that's exactly why Rush Limbaugh should be allowed to buy an NFL team.

Everyone understands the arguments against Rush Limbaugh, but no one articulates them quite like Lawrence Donegan from the Guardian, an UK outlet. For proof, check out his sweet burns here.

"Those contemplating emigration or yet another swim in the pool of British national self-loathing should know there are many benefits to living in this country, one of which is the lack of regular exposure to American radio talk show hosts."

Burn — right out of the gate. Hey, wait, I used to be an American radio talk show host ... please, sir, do inform me about the ills of American radio.

"Suffice to say they are a wicked crew, given to the same level of self-doubt and basic decency as a fox in a chicken coup. Socrates would never have made it on American radio, not because he didn't speak the Queen's English, but because he was capable of extending the public expression of a cogent thought beyond a nano-second."

Nailed it, British guy. Nailed it.

Ironically — or perhaps not — Limbaugh is also the most revered radio host in the States. Right-wing politicians love him because his ceaseless fear-mongering about the alleged perils of liberalism has helped them into office. Right-wing lonely hearts in middle America, whose only friends in the world are their gun and their sense of patriotism, love him too because he speaks directly to their twisted souls."

Eat it, right-wingers. This British guy just gave you the literary version of a bitch slap. He played the role of "crazed fan at a book-signing" while the right-wingers played the role of "Leona Lews" (hey, look at me, I'm current with my pop-culture references!).

Winston Churchill goes on to talk about Limbaugh's airing of "Barack the Magic Negro" and to rip Limbaugh for his disdain for anyone of African-American descent. He talks about his remarks on ESPN several years back and, well, you get the picture. Rush Limbaugh is like Marge Schott, except he's also an asshole. But this is precisely why the NFL needs him.

We need villains. Without Darth Vader, Star Wars is a boring movie about an old man in robes who spends too much time with a confused young boy going through puberty (insert your Catholic Church jokes here, and then teleport us all back to 2004 when they would be fresh). Without Goliath, David is just a kid throwing rocks at nothing. He probably would've been diagnosed with Autism and been sold into slavery or something (Biblical people weren't very tolerant of stuff like that — it makes me sad, too).

The sports world needs villains. Everyone can come together over their hatred of the New York Yankees. They are the haves, while the rest of America is the have-nots. The Yankees buy the best team and used to buy championships and everyone else can hate them for it. It's fun. But having Rush Limbaugh own a team in the NFL? That would be Yankees-level hate x1000.

Is there anyone alive that wouldn't like to see an arrogant, ignorant, rich white man get his comeuppance? The only people that don't hate rich white guys are ... rich white guys. In the eyes of America, Limbaugh would embody everything that's wrong with life.

To the recently laid-off American, Limbaugh is one of the fat cats in the world that put us into this situation we're in now. To the black American, Limbaugh is a symbol of the racism and ignorance that still exists today, or he's a symbol of "The Man" that everyone keeps talking about. For the liberal eternal college student that doesn't even care about football, Limbaugh is the reason why the rest of the world hates us. To the crazy schizophrenic man, Limbaugh is the guy that keeps stealing his shoes at night and replacing them with pencil cases and empty Kleenex boxes instead.

And everyone would tune in to watch his team get destroyed on Sundays. Limbaugh could really play up the villain role, too. He could change the name of his team to "White Power" and make his jerseys white unis with white pants. Since no African-American players would ever suit up for a Limbaugh-owned team, he could fill out his roster with able-bodied skinheads, thus putting their addiction to methamphetamines off by a few years. This would guarantee that his team would get destroyed every week. And he could hire Jon Gosselin as GM, just to up the douchebagginess of the franchise. At Gosselin's insistence, the team's jerseys would actually be Ed Hardy t-shirts.

It would be like watching football's version of the Harlem Globetrotters, if only the Washington Generals were a bunch of white supremacists and owned by a real-life, radio-version of Montgomery Burns. Everyone would enjoy watching that game and would feel better about the world, if only for a few hours.

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Posted by Mark Chalifoux at 11:32 AM | Comments (2)

October 14, 2009

NASCAR Top 10 Power Rankings: Week 30

Note: the quotes in this article are fictional.

1. Jimmie Johnson — Johnson is back in the points lead after a commanding performance in California, leading the most laps en route the victory in the Pepsi 500. Johnson now leads Mark Martin by 12 points.

"The No. 48 Chevrolet was strong all day," Johnson said, "and we reclaimed the points lead. Call it a 'reclamation' point with an exclamation point!"

"It seems to me," Johnson said, "that these so-called 'debris' cautions are just NASCAR's sneaky way of making a boring race just as boring, except with more crashes. But debris cautions, phantom or not, don't matter. It's become apparent that no matter whom I face, whether it be 42 other drivers, NASCAR inspectors, or trigger-happy flag stand officials, that there's no 'sLowe-ing' this team."

2. Mark Martin — Martin finished fourth in the Pepsi 500, only three places behind Jimmie Johnson, but far enough back to see his 18-point lead in the points turn into a 12-point deficit.

"I can't be unhappy with a fourth-place," says Martin. "And I'm not displeased that I'm second in the points. Second is a place I'm plenty familiar with. Heck, I'm 50-years-old; there is no virgin territory left in my life."

"I'm incredibly pleased with the equipment here at Hendrick. My No. 5 Chevrolet has been practically perfect, and it runs so smooth it's almost like riding on coattails."

3. Juan Montoya — Montoya led 78 laps, second only to Jimmie Johnson's 126, and finished third in the Pepsi 500 in California, his fourth consecutive Chase top-five. Montoya is the only driver with top-five finishes in each Chase race, and held on to the third spot in the standings. The Colombia native trails Jimmie Johnson by 58 and Mark Martin by 46.

"Is NASCAR ready for a foreign-born champion?" Montoya said. "Well, were they ready for a foreign-made car? Not until they put an American behind the wheel."

"I think if I win the Cup, you'll see American fans in a 'His-panic.'"

4. Jeff Gordon — For the second straight week, Gordon scored the runner-up position, following Hendrick teammate Jimmie Johnson across the line at Fontana, as the Hendrick contingent occupied three of the top four spots. Gordon now trails points leader Johnson by 105.

"Two straight runner-ups," Gordon said, "and I still lose ground to the leader. I can't win for losing."

"Now, once again, everyone is all but awarding Jimmie Johnson the Sprint Cup championship. And, with Charlotte and Martinsville up next on the slate, it's looking good for Jimmie. But not so fast. Jimmie may be trying his hardest to win the Cup, but NASCAR is trying just as hard to keep him from winning it. NASCAR can always play the inspection card, especially since they warned Johnson earlier that they are watching. As we all know, concerning the No. 48 car, NASCAR has been known to be an inspection stickler."

5. Tony Stewart — Stewart overcame a late pit road speeding penalty to finish fifth, his recovery helped in part by some late-race accidents that allowed him to gain several positions. Stewart remained fourth in the point standings, 84 behind Jimmie Johnson.

"I think we did the best we could considering the penalty and the competition," says Stewart. "It's really tough holding your speed on pit road in the heat of the battle. And you know me. I hate drive-through penalties on the track almost as much as I do at Burger King, where a drive-through penalty means the clerk forgot to bag one of my two Whoppers, and I'm forced to drive back around."

6. Denny Hamlin — During a restart on lap 190, Hamlin, starting in front from the outside, dove in front of Juan Montoya's No. 42, clipping the Dodge and sending Hamlin spinning into the infield grass. Hamlin's No. 11 Toyota hit the outside pit row wall, and the damage sent him tumbling in the standings. Hamlin finished 37th, and fell three places in the point standings to ninth, 219 out of first.

"I'm not too proud to admit a mistake," Hamlin said. "As much as I'd like to blame Brad Keselowski, I can't. The accident was my fault. In my haste, I laid waste to my Chase chances."

"I cut Montoya off. You know, before the Chase began, I was riding a wave of momentum, so much so that I was ready to cut to the Chase. Now, after the accident, I'm cut out of the Chase."

7. Kurt Busch: Busch survived a spin on lap 238 when he hit the wall in Turn 4 and slid into oncoming traffic, causing Kasey Kahne and Greg Biffle to spin into the grass. Busch's No. 2 Miller Lite Dodge suffered damage, but none which required immediate attention, and he continued to eventually post an eighth. He is now sixth in the points, 121 out of first.

"I'd like to apologize to Biffle and Kahne," Busch said. "I pray that I don't have to face the wrath of their fathers. Take it from me. I've been forced to say 'uncle' several times, but never 'daddy.'"

8. Carl Edwards — Edwards finished sixth in California, his best result in the Chase so far this year. He moved up two spots to eighth in the Sprint Cup point standings, 192 out of first.

"Hey, did you hear about the altercation between Greg Biffle and Joey Logano's father after Saturday's Nationwide race?" Edwards said. "Who does this Mr. Logano think he is, accosting one of my fellow Roush Racing cohorts? Doesn't he know that's my job?"

9. Greg Biffle — Biffle started second in Fontana, and was well on his way to a top-10 finish, but the 3M Ford was caught in a late-race accident started when Kurt Busch hit the wall. Biffle suffered serious right-front damage, but remained on the lead lap to finish 20th. He is now seventh in the points, 188 out of first.

"That wreck was pure mayhem," Biffle said. "Just like the aftermath of Saturday's Nationwide race, when I was confronted by Joey Logano's father, who was angry that I put Logano into the wall earlier. I think he gave me the 'one to go' sign, but he was smart enough not to take a swing. Apparently, he's aware that nobody 'beats' the Biff,' nobody 'beats' the Biff.'"

10. Kasey Kahne — Kahne's hopes for a good finish ended on a restart with 12 laps to go, when Kurt Busch bounced off the wall and collected Kahne and Greg Biffle. Kahne finished 37th, and later blamed NASCAR for throwing a bogus caution for debris four laps before his fateful accident.

"The amount of 'debris' on the track seemed to be proportionate to the size of Jimmie Johnson's lead," Kahne said. "Therefore, I have to question NASCAR's decisions to wave cautions for debris. And, since many of the debris cautions happened to occur when Jimmie Johnson had opened up a huge lead, I think that NASCAR is guilty of throwing caution to the winner."

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Posted by Jeffrey Boswell at 11:49 AM | Comments (0)

October 13, 2009

NFL Week 5 Power Rankings

Five Quick Hits

* It's nice to see that the NFL isn't treating Breast Cancer Awareness Month as a one-week publicity blitz. Many coaches and players wore pink again this week, and Breast Cancer Awareness Gear is available through the league site.

* The league did a nice job spotlighting Hispanic Heritage Month in this week's Monday night game, but it felt like lip service, squeezed into that one game.

* Hey Colts, up 31-9 with 5:50 left, I think it's appropriate to sub Jim Sorgi in for Peyton Manning. This isn't just a sportsmanship issue. I know Manning never gets hurt, but why take a chance?

* Tragic story in Cincinnati, with the shocking death of defensive coordinator Mike Zimmer's wife, Vikki, on Thursday. It was hard to root against the Bengals this week, and my best wishes go out to the Zimmers' family and friends, including the Bengals' defensive players and coaching staff.

* Last week, I praised NBC's camera work and use of replays. I take it back. This week's most professional broadcast was certainly the Monday night game, though someone should tell Jon Gruden not to speak over a referee's announcement.

***

The highlight of Week 5 was an exciting, back-and-forth duel between a pair of divisional rivals, showcasing the abilities of promising young quarterbacks Chad Henne and Mark Sanchez. Henne directed a last-minute, game-winning touchdown drive, and each QB made a perfect deep throw: Sanchez hit David Clowney on the sideline, and Henne connected with Ted Ginn in stride for a 53-yard gain. The newest Jet, Braylon Edwards, was another recipient of a great long ball from Sanchez, making an awesome catch early in the fourth quarter. Edwards looks like a good pickup for New York.

The hero, though, was Henne. No one knows how his career will play out. On Monday night, it looked like he has the tools to become a franchise quarterback, but sometimes promising players don't develop the way we expect. Whatever happens with Henne, you've got to be happy for him right now. I love this about sports. You can do something great, something that exceeds expectations, maybe even something that moves people. Whatever happens with Henne, he will always have this game, always have the way he feels right now. Even if Henne turns into Ryan Leaf, for one night he was Peyton Manning. I love this about sports.

On to this week's Power Rankings, brackets show previous rank.

1. New York Giants [1] — They seem like a college powerhouse, playing a schedule stacked with D-II lightweights. The Giants haven't played anyone good, unless you count Dallas (which you should not). But they're also winning games the way an elite college team like Florida treated Charleston Southern. This week, the Giants outgained the opponent 4:1 — their third straight week with an advantage over 200 yards, which must be getting close to a record — and made 20 more first downs. New York has outscored its opponents by +80 this season, the best point differential in the league and an average margin of better than two touchdowns.

2. New Orleans Saints [2] — Cursed with an early bye they didn't need, but that also means more time to prepare for the Giants in Week 6. If the game won't be televised in your area, you need to make some kind of plans to watch it. I don't care if that means missing your favorite team. It's not like they're going to win, anyway. If you enjoy professional football, next Sunday you'll be watching Giants at Saints at 1:00 Eastern. I don't know if it will be an exciting game, but it's a pretty big deal.

3. Indianapolis Colts [4] — Stayed with the run, even when it wasn't working. That's crucial, because it sets up play-action, and the Colts can get away with it because they're so good on third-and-long. They can afford to waste first down on a two-yard run. The announcers made a big deal out of two penalties that set up an Indianapolis touchdown before halftime. But the way the Colts were playing, I don't think the fouls made a difference. With :17 and a timeout, I suspect they make it the extra 30 yards and score anyway.

4. Denver Broncos [9] — Okay, okay, I believe. I'm still not sold on the offense, but it's apparent at this point that it won't be a liability. How did the Broncos go 8-8 against a weak (.457) schedule last season? Are Josh McDaniels and Mike Nolan that good, or were Mike Shanahan and Bob Slowik that bad? With all due respect to Kyle Orton, Knowshon Moreno, and Brian Dawkins, I think the turnaround here is obviously bigger than the players.

5. Minnesota Vikings [7] — Won big on the scoreboard, but didn't really dominate the Rams the way other teams have been doing. St. Louis had the edge in yardage, first downs, and time of possession. Minnesota won on turnovers, penalties, and red zone efficiency. Those are important parts of the game, but I would have more confidence if the Rams had been less successful between the 20s. The Vikings rank outside the top 10 in both offense (19th) and defense (14th) and still haven't played a top-10 team.

6. New England Patriots [3] — Tom Brady looks rusty. His play has been uneven this season, and his usual accuracy wasn't there against Denver this week. Randy Moss has only one touchdown this season, and needs to be more involved in the offense — though he did get in on defense in Week 5 and is the only player to intercept Orton this year. Seriously. The Patriots had some issues with bad tackling on Sunday, though we also saw the return of Jerod Mayo, who looked great in limited action.

7. Atlanta Falcons [8] — Offensive explosion against a good 49er defense for their first road win of 2009. Despite the eye-popping fantasy football numbers posted by Matt Ryan, Michael Turner, and Roddy White on Sunday, don't overlook the defense. Atlanta was the first team all season to hold San Francisco below 20 points, and forced a career-low 45.7 passer rating from Shaun Hill. Going back to the beginning of last season, the Falcons are 11-1 when John Abraham has a sack, and 3-6 when he does not.

8. Philadelphia Eagles [11] — Third in total defense. Yeah, Donovan McNabb looked great, and we're all happy for him. But this team is winning the same way it always has under Andy Reid: with great defense, mistake-free and occasionally explosive play from McNabb, and absolutely no running game. That last part needs to change if the Eagles are to be taken seriously as a contender.

9. Chicago Bears [10] — Parity in the receiving corps. Jay Cutler may not have Brandon Marshall this year, but he has Earl Bennett, Johnny Knox, and Devin Hester. All three of those guys have 189-200 yards on 14 or 15 receptions. Cutler and his young receivers have given the Bears a downfield passing game that wasn't in the mix last season, when RB Matt Forte and TE Greg Olsen led the team in catches. This year, Forte and Olsen are the second read, not the first.

10. Cincinnati Bengals [13] — A fluke bounce away from 5-0, and they might deserve to be higher than this. However, they've won each of their last three games by only a field goal, and you can't keep winning all the close ones. Going to overtime with the Browns last week didn't exactly scream "top-10" to me, either. Special teams were a problem again this week, with another missed field goal and a badly botched long snap.

11. Baltimore Ravens [6] — The officiating crews hate them. After last week's controversy, this Sunday Jeff Triplette's crew cost the Ravens five yards by mis-spotting the ball, nullified a missed extra point by the Bengals, and assessed twice as much penalty yardage to Baltimore as Cincinnati. That said, the Ravens — not referee incompetence or bias — are to blame for Sunday's loss. Joe Flacco did not play well, and the team's legendary run defense allowed its first 100-yard rusher in 2½ years, with Cedric Benson dropping 120 and a touchdown on them.

12. Miami Dolphins [22] — I appreciate Jon Gruden's enthusiasm, but in what universe is Ricky Williams "off to the best start of his career?" Through 5 games, Williams has 316 rushing yards with a 5.2 average and 2 TDs. At this point in 2002 (when Williams led the NFL in rushing), he had 565 yards with a 4.8 average and 4 TDs. I think that's better.

13. New York Jets [5] — What happened to that suffocating defense? It was invisible against Miami, who controlled Rex Ryan's aggressive schemes with runs, screens, and lots of extra blockers. Not only did the Jets not get a sack, they seldom even put pressure on an opposing quarterback making just his second NFL start. The Dolphins deserve plenty of credit for their gameplan, but you just can't let that happen.

14. San Francisco 49ers [12] — In the NFL, it is very seldom a good sign when your leading passer and your leading rusher are the same person. In Week 4, Shaun Hill led the Niners in passing, which is no surprise. He also led them in rushing (53), which was not part of the gameplan. San Francisco's defensive meltdown is drawing the most attention, but the team was really dominated in every phase this weekend. They have a bye coming up, so that's two weeks for Mike Singletary to yell at the team and get it ready to bounce back in Week 7.

15. Pittsburgh Steelers [15] — Peyton Manning, of course, leads the NFL in passing yardage. Second place? Ben Roethlisberger. Add the re-emergence of Pittsburgh's running game, and the offense seems to be in top form. Defense remains a question mark until Troy Polamalu is back on the field, but the Steelers picked up seven sacks against Detroit, and that's definitely a good sign.

16. Green Bay Packers [16] — A team that may look substantially better after this week's bye, and not just because the next game is against Detroit. Injured left tackle Chad Clifton is expected to return to action, and this week the team signed longtime right tackle Mark Tauscher to compete for playing time with the struggling Allen Barbre. Last season, with Clifton and Tauscher as his tackles, Aaron Rodgers was sacked 34 times, about twice per game. This year, without them, it's 5 times per game.

17. Dallas Cowboys [14] — Lead the NFL in yards per game, but they're -4 in turnovers and only rank 11th in points per game. I have a modest proposal to help rectify this: less throwing, more running. The Cowboys are somehow averaging 5.9 yards per rush attempt, with three running backs averaging better than 5 yards per carry. Tony Romo is generally good but also very inconsistent. The team can and should take pressure off of Romo by taking advantage of its terrific ground game.

18. San Diego Chargers [17] — At the beginning of this season, I made a very foolish prediction that I suspect I am going to regret. For those too lazy to click through, it involved the Chargers winning their division and me eating shoes, because of my certainty in this forecast. San Diego has a chance to bail me out, next Monday night, with a home game against Denver. If the Chargers lose, the AFC West race is officially over. I know they came back from way down last season. It's not happening twice in a row. Last year's Broncos were lucky. This year's Broncos are good.

19. Arizona Cardinals [18] — Almost lost after going into halftime up 21-0. An offense that is all-pass, no-run leaves you vulnerable to that kind of comeback. The extreme example is the run-and-shoot teams of the early 1990s. The biggest comeback in NFL history saw the 1992 Houston Oilers squander a 35-3 third quarter lead because of bad defense and non-existent ball control. Without a running game, you can't burn the clock effectively, you're constantly at risk for a turnover, and your defense spends too much time on the field.

20. Seattle Seahawks [23] — What can you really say after an epic 41-0 beatdown? They did everything right. Now they need to do it again. This team has been a rollercoaster so far, great one week and embarrassing the next.

21. Jacksonville Jaguars [19] — Humiliating loss in Seattle, but the next game is at home vs. St. Louis. If that can't fix what ails them, nothing can. Torry Holt, who leads the team in receiving, is the only player in the NFL with at least 300 receiving yards but no touchdowns.

22. Houston Texans [20] — How awesome is Andre Johnson? On a fourth-quarter touchdown this week, Johnson knocked down three Arizona defenders for a game-tying score. He didn't elude them like Brandon Marshall, or even stiff-arm them like a running back; Johnson literally knocked down three defenders, put them on the ground. This is from a wide receiver. Johnson finished the game with 8 catches for 102 yards and 2 TDs.

23. Carolina Panthers [24] — Unimpressive in victory. If anything is encouraging, it's that the Panthers generated an effective pass rush (5 sacks) and Julius Peppers finally started to justify his contract.

24. Tennessee Titans [21] — Should they change quarterbacks? My instinct is to say that they should: Kerry Collins has played poorly, and Vince Young could provide a spark. Even if he doesn't, at least the team can learn more about Young and make educated decisions about the future based on his performance. Thinking about it, though, I can also see reasons to keep Young on the sidelines. It sounds like the team has faith in the old man, and not in Young. If they bench Collins, and Vince stinks it up, that could have a strong negative impact in the locker room. No one wants to become the Raiders.

25. Cleveland Browns [28] — Derek Anderson in Week 5: 2-for-17, 23 yards, no TD, 1 INT, 15.1 passer rating. He also ran once, for a 2-yard gain. Cleveland's 22 yards of net passing were the lowest for a winning team this decade, and the Browns have been held to 6 points or less in three of their five games this season.

26. Buffalo Bills [25] — It seems like they suffer devastating defensive injuries every season. Starting CB Leodis McKelvin is on IR, and this week he'll be joined by starting LB Kawika Mitchell and Marcus Buggs, who has started two games in place of the injured Paul Posluszny. Additionally, both starting safeties missed their second straight game this week. The Bills look worse every week, which is to be expected when you keep losing players.

27. Detroit Lions [26] — In 2008, the Lions went 0-16 behind a defense that gave up 517 points, the second-most in history (1981 Colts, 533). This year's team has picked up where last year's left off: Detroit has allowed 162 points this season, worst in the NFL. Opponents are averaging more than 30 points against them. There are 12 teams that have yet to allow 30 points against anyone this season.

28. Washington Redskins [27] — Rumor has it that Jim Zorn will be fired before the end of the season. I think Zorn is an inadequate head coach who was never qualified for the position, and he is a major reason that the team has performed so poorly this season. But can we stop firing coaches in the middle of the year, unless they're Tom Cable? And if someone was good enough to hire in the first place, he deserves more than a year and a half to prove it. What does the team have to gain by switching coaches in mid-season? It's not like they're making a playoff run.

29. Kansas City Chiefs [31] — Losing in overtime is always painful, but this is a team that could really use a win. The Chiefs haven't come out on top since last November, Week 13 against the Raiders. There really is nothing this team does particularly well, but may I suggest that the ineffective running game is particularly problematic? In five games this season, Larry Johnson has averaged 1.8, 3.3, 2.0, 2.9, and 1.8 yards per carry.

30. Tampa Bay Buccaneers [30] — Jimmy Wilkerson had 3 sacks in the loss this weekend. The rest of the defense stayed home and cheered him on from their sofas.

31. Oakland Raiders [29] — After looking like a real team in Weeks 1 and 2, the Raiders have utterly disintegrated. I know they're ranked below a winless team they've beaten. I don't care. The way the Raiders have played their last three games, they aren't going to beat anyone. Oakland ranks 32nd in total offense and 31st in total defense.

32. St. Louis Rams [32] — Outscored by 112 points this season, by far the worst in the league. The Rams are averaging 6.8 points per game, putting them on pace for 109 this season. The only team to average fewer than 10 ppg in a 16-game season was the 1992 Seattle Seahawks (140 points, 8.8 ppg). I think St. Louis will be better than that, but it's not a given. The Raiders (9.8 ppg) and Browns (11.0 ppg) have an outside shot at this kind of infamy, as well.

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Posted by Brad Oremland at 1:04 PM | Comments (0)

MLB Division Series Report Cards

The 2009 playoffs have been awful so far. The only series that wasn't a sweep ended in four games. But the stark differences in talent make grading the performances of each team that much easier. Let's get right to it.

Boston Red Sox

Grade: C

Unlike the other two teams that got swept, this team showed signs of life when facing elimination. But for every hit they had, it seemed like the Angels had two more. In the two games before that, this offense was abysmal. One run in two games is probably not going to cut it against the Nationals, let alone the Angels. They'll not only have to watch the rest of the playoffs from home, but it seems increasingly likely that their hated rivals will be there every step of the way. The next few weeks will seem like an eternity in Boston.

Colorado Rockies

Grade: B-

They looked good against the defending World Series champs, but relied too heavily upon their pitchers consistently dominating. The offense needed to step it up for them to win the NLDS, and it failed to do so. Jim Tracy was basically guaranteed a job next year with the Rockies' performance after he took over in the regular season, so an early exit here won't matter much. I fully expect this team to be back here next year, and with some of their younger players having more experience when that time comes, they might make it even farther.

Los Angeles Angels

Grade: A-

The Angels looked very good in their sweep of the Red Sox. Unfortunately for them, they have to face the only team left that's on more of a roll than they are. They might win a game or two against the Yankees, but unless Alex Rodriguez and C.C. Sabathia both recede into their former playoff troubles, don't expect anything more than that. Their success against the Red Sox was predicated upon an amazing job by their pitching staff, which completely stymied the explosive Boston offense for the first two games. If they can couple that with the offense they showed in Game 3, they just might prove to be a worthy adversary against the Yankees, but don't count on their ability to do that for four out of seven games.

Los Angeles Dodgers

Grade: B+

As bad as the Cardinals may have been, their performance should not deter you from thinking that the better team won the series. In the first third of the playoffs, the Dodgers looked like they did in the first third of the regular season. That is, not necessarily the best team in the league, at least on paper, but somehow always better than whoever they happen to be playing on any given day.

They hit well, at least considering the pitching staff they were up against, and their whole pitching staff was electric for the entire series. Their team ERA over the three games was 2.00, and that was against a team with a fairly powerful lineup. If they can use this series to jump-start their NL pennant bid, they might be pretty hard to stop.

Minnesota Twins

Grade: C-

This team ended up in the playoffs largely due to the complete collapse of the Detroit Tigers over the last month of the season. Most people expected them to be the worst team in the playoffs, and if not for a horrendous showing by the St. Louis Cardinals, they would have been. Still, they were only one blown call away from possibly winning game 2. Considering that the game took place in New York, that was no small task. Either way, they still lost that game, and the other two in the series. All their playoff appearance really did was force them to play one more game in the Metrodome.

New York Yankees

Grade: A

They are who we thought they were. They hit well, they field well, and they pitch well. It sounds like a simple analysis, and that's because it is. Even A-Rod is hitting very well, and Sabathia has reversed his recent trend of poor playoff performances. This team has finally gotten back to where Yankees fans expect them to be, proving once and for all that it is possible to buy talent. I say $200 million will be enough to win them the 2009 World Series.

Philadelphia Phillies

Grade: B+

Cliff Lee was exceptional in Game 1, and Game 4 was no different. He is the best pitcher left in the playoffs, and he's got a good offense to back him up. If Lee keeps this up, he might be the MVP of the NLCS in a week or so. The Phillies also have looked good offensively, but the Dodgers' pitching staff will prove to be more of a challenge than the Rockies' staff was. They're the champs until somebody beats them, so I won't completely disregard their chances of repeating, even if they have to beat the Yankees to do it.

St. Louis Cardinals

Grade: D

This team was terrible in its quick exit from the playoffs. A team that features Albert Pujols and Matt Holliday in the middle of the lineup, and has Ryan Ludwick and Mark DeRosa thrown into the mix, should not struggle to hit left-handed pitching. Yet in the first two games of the NLDS, in which the Dodgers started two lefties, the Cardinals managed a thoroughly unimpressive 5 runs, some of which came off of right-handed pitching in the Dodgers bullpen.

Relying on two Cy Young candidates at the top of your pitching rotation necessitates those same pitchers delivering quality starts. In the first game, Chris Carpenter failed to deliver, but in the second game, Adam Wainwright delivered arguably the best pitching performance of the playoffs so far. But when your bullpen allows four consecutive batters to reach base, and Matt Holliday makes a rare error at the worst possible time, even the best 8-inning performance won't be enough without some decent hitting.

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Posted by Paul Foeller at 12:59 PM | Comments (0)

October 12, 2009

82 Things to Watch For This NBA Season (Pt. 2)

Last week, in part one of our month-long NBA season preview "82 Things to Watch For This NBA Season," we took a look at who went where in a very active NBA offseason. Now that that's been sorted out, it's time for some bold predictions.

In last year's preview, I correctly predicted LeBron for MVP and Dwight Howard for Defensive Player of the Year. I didn't exactly go out on a limb with either pick, but it still counts.

However, a combination of injuries and breakout seasons derailed my picks for the All-NBA teams. I only correctly predicted three first team players and one second team (mainly because the guys I picked to be on the first team ended up on the second team and vice-versa). This season, I'm back for redemption. But before we get into my picks for the postseason awards, there are a few other predictions I need to get off my chest. Without further ado, let's continue the countdown with some bold predictions for the 2009-10 season.

63. Kevin Durant will lead the NBA in scoring.

The boldest of my bold predictions.

The best thing that ever happened to Durant's career was when P.J. Carlesimo got fired after just 13 games last season. Once Scotty Brooks took over and moved Durant to small forward, Durant officially took his first step towards becoming a superstar. In the 13 games under Carlesimo, Durant averaged a respectable 21.8 points per game. Under Brooks, he averaged 26 points per game.

With two seasons of experience, a coach who uses him correctly, a system designed to make him the focal point, and limitless range, Durant is poised to make the leap and become the elite NBA scorer that everyone though he'd be after he left Texas. Don't be surprised when he averages 30+ points per game this season.

62. Amare Stoudemire will be traded.

Phoenix has flirted with trading Stoudemire each of the past two seasons, but I think this is the year Steve Kerr finally pulls the trigger. With his contract set to expire, and the Suns rebuilding, I can't imagine STAT will be very happy for much longer in Phoenix. Expect him to be the biggest name to be dealt this season, but Amare won't be the only superstar on the move. In fact...

61. This will be one of the most active trade deadlines in recent memory.

With the infamous "Summer of 2010" fast approaching, a lot of teams are going to have some big decisions to make this February. Unless you've been living under a rock, you know that there are several big-name players who will be free agents after this season. As you should also know, most of these players will be in the latter stages of their careers. Teams are going to have to make a choice with these aging stars: keep them and hope that they re-sign after this season, or trade them at the deadline for pieces that will help the rebuilding process.

I think that like never before we're going to see a noticeable gap between "buyers" and "sellers" at the deadline. Why wouldn't a middle-of-the-road playoff team like Miami roll the dice by trading away some young talent to rent a superstar for the stretch run? Why would a team like Toronto keep Chris Bosh if there's no way they can re-sign him in the offseason?

I fully expect to see some big moves at the deadline, with the playoff landscape being drastically changed after February 23rd.

60. Kobe Bryant
59. Chris Paul
58. LeBron James
57. Tim Duncan
56. Dwight Howard

All-NBA First Team

Kobe, LeBron, and Howard are locks. Last season, Chris Paul had one of the best point guard seasons of all-time, only to be overshadowed by Dwyane Wade's amazing comeback performance. I expect Paul to put up the same type of numbers this season.

Wade? Not so much. He'll be great again, but asking him to stay healthy and put up out-of-this-world numbers again is too much to ask. Plus, he should have more help this season. Wade will have to settle for second team.

55. Dwyane Wade
54. Tony Parker
53. Pau Gasol
52. Kevin Durant
51. Shaquille O'Neal

All-NBA Second Team

In case you didn't notice, that's a member of the Spurs on the first team and on the second team. Trust me, they are going to be really good this season, and voters love taking that into consideration when they cast their All-NBA ballots. Coming off the huge season he had last year, Parker is due to be rewarded for his consistency.

50. Deron Williams
49. Chauncey Billups
48. Carmelo Anthony
47. Paul Pierce
46. Brook Lopez

All-NBA Third Team

I'm guessing one name jumps out off the list of players I think are going to make the All-NBA third team: Brook Lopez. Before you write me off as crazy ask yourself this: what other centers are out there?

With Yao expected to miss the entire season, the center position around the NBA is extremely thin. Lopez isn't exactly making the list by default; he had an impressive rookie season. He averaged 13.1 points and 8.1 rebounds per game last season and shot 53% from the floor. If he improves on those numbers at all, and there's no reason to think that he won't, he's going to be the third best center in the league.

45. Kobe Bryant
44. Chris Paul
43. LeBron James
42. Kevin Garnett
41. Dwight Howard

NBA All-Defensive Team

This category is the easiest to predict. Most of the time the players on the All-Defensive Team get voted in on reputation alone. These five players were first team All-Defense last season. Do you see a player on this list whose reputation as a top notch defender took a hit this offseason? Me neither.

40. Jonny Flynn
39. Tyreke Evans
38. Blake Griffin
37. DeJuan Blair
36. Hasheem Thabeet

NBA All-Rookie Team

Four lottery picks and ... the 37th overall pick?? That's right, I think there are going to be a lot of teams sorry that they passed on DeJuan Blair. He's already done good things for the Spurs, posting 16 points and 19 rebounds in his first preseason game.

He may not get consistent minutes all season like the other players on the list, but the trade-off is that he gets to learn from the best by playing against Tim Duncan in practice every day. By the time the playoffs roll around, look for Blair to be a key player off the bench for the Spurs as they make a real push for the NBA title.

35. R.C. Buford, Executive of the Year

In case you couldn't tell, I really like the Spurs this year. I think they had by far the best offseason of any team, and Buford is the guy pulling the trigger on every move they make.

However, I'd like to put an asterisk next to this prediction based on a prediction that I already made. Buford is the early favorite to win this award, but if there is as much trade deadline activity as I think there will be, and one of the "buyers" that I talked about hits a home run with a big trade, Buford's great offseason will be overshadowed by the GM that made the most recent move and he will swoop in and win Executive of the Year.

34. Flip Saunders, Coach of the Year

I don't like predicting this category, because I don't agree with the voting for Coach of the Year most years. In my opinion, the Coach of the Year should be the coach who gets the most production out of the least amount of talent, or the coach who leads his team to the biggest improvement from the previous season. Last season, Mike Brown was the Coach of the Year. The Cavs won 66 games. With that roster, anything less than 60 wins and Brown should have been fired.

For my prediction this season, I'm sticking to my formula, and I'm going with Flip Saunders. The Wizards made the playoffs for four consecutive seasons before having their season completely decimated by injuries last year and limping to a 19-win season. This offseason, the Wizards quietly made some nice additions to their roster by getting Randy Foye and Mike Miller from Minnesota and are getting Gilbert Arenas back and by most accounts healthy. This looks a lot more like a playoff team in the East than the lottery-bound-from-day-one group that they had last season, and Flip Saunders will reap the benefits with his first ever Coach of the Year trophy next spring.

33. Lamar Odom, Sixth Man

I picked L.O. to win Sixth Man last season, and he was well on his way until Bynum got hurt and they had to slide him into the starting lineup.

Assuming the Lakers' starting five stays relatively healthy (which is asking for a lot with the track records of Andrew Bynum and Ron Artest), and Odom doesn't start too many games, he should have no trouble securing this Sixth Man of the Year award.

32. Dwight Howard, Defensive Player of the Year

Last season, Howard got 105 of the 119 possible first-place votes for Defensive Player of the Year. He led the league in blocks and defensive rebounds, and really, no one else was even close to him in either category. He won't turn 24 until December.

Something tells me that he's not going to see a statistical decrease defensively, and at his age, it's possible that his best seasons are still ahead of him. I'm not betting on anyone else to win this award for a long, long time.

31. LeBron James, MVP

Here's a snippet of what I wrote last season when predicting LeBron to win the MVP:

"Since he played his first game back in 2003, everyone has been wondering how good LeBron James will end up being. Now at 23 (he'll turn 24 in December), with five seasons under his belt, a trip to the NBA Finals, and Olympic gold already to his credit, LeBron may finally be entering his prime.

Think about that for a second. This is a player who has gotten 27-7-7 over his career and he may not have had his best season yet."

You know what's scary? You can say the same exact thing about LeBron this year. He easily won the MVP award last season, averaged 28.6 points per game, 7.6 rebounds, 7.2 rebounds, had career highs in both field goal and free throw percentage, and we still aren't sure if we've seen LeBron at his best.

There are only two things that could prevent LeBron from winning back-to-back MVPs. First, the voters could treat him like they did Shaq when he was at his best, taking his greatness for granted and giving the award to someone else even though everyone knows he's the best player on the planet. That's not going to happen because everyone absolutely loves LeBron.

The only other thing that could keep LeBron from hoisting the trophy is if he sacrifices his own individual stats for the sake of winning. That's not going to happen, either.

First of all, it's a contract year. He's going to put up monster numbers, even though he could average 10 points per game this season and he'd still get a max contract. Secondly, his team won 66 games last season because he put them on his shoulders and carried them all season long. There's no way he changes his approach this season, and frankly, he shouldn't.

Barring injury, I don't see how anyone steals the MVP award away from LeBron.

Be sure to check back at Sports Central next week as Scott Shepherd continues his countdown of the "82 Things to Watch For This NBA Season."

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Posted by Scott Shepherd at 12:13 PM | Comments (1)

In the Big East, Big Problems — For Now

About two years ago, the unranked and 4-7 Pittsburgh Panthers headed into a cold Mountaineer Field to face then-No. 2 West Virginia. It was supposed to be an easy game for the Mountaineers. Just take care of the Panthers, who were 4-touchdown underdogs, and they would have an easy ride to the BCS Championship Game. Oh, and give the Big East some legitimacy in college football.

The Panthers, who were struggling in coach Dave Wannstedt's second year, were under a lot of scrutiny and questions loomed about the team's direction. But sometimes it takes just one win — especially in the Backyard Brawl — to change the minds of fans.

As the story goes, Pitt held Pat White and Jarrett Brown to a combined 79 passing yards, 69 rushing yards, and a touchdown by Brown. The Panther offense didn't do anything special, as current third-string quarterback Pat Bostick threw 2 interceptions and for only 67 yards, though Bostick did score Pitt's only touchdown on a one-yard quarterback keeper in the third quarter. But with strong defensive stand after strong defensive stand, the Panthers wore down the Mountaineers and left the home team trying to figure out how it blew a chance to fight for a BCS Championship.

Just as the West Virginia coaches, players, and fans had time to think about an upset loss to their rivals to the north, Big East officials had similar thoughts. It makes for a great game and even some legitimacy within the conference whenever a team like that Pitt squad can take down, 13-9, a team like that year's Mountaineers, but it doesn't help on the national level. Ever since that upset, the Big East conference has struggled to find an identity on the field.

But the Pitt/West Virginia game happened in 2007. It's over and people have moved on — except for maybe Rich Rodriguez. Why should a team like Boise State from the Western Athletic Conference or TCU from the Mountain West have a better shot at the title game than a Big East champ? Or perhaps more importantly, why do they get more respect from the rest of the country? Because last year, the highest ranked team from the Big East was the Cincinnati Bearcats. They finished the year at No. 17 after they were upset by then-No. 19 Virginia Tech in the Orange Bowl. The Bearcats were the conference's BCS team last year, but they but struggled against an ACC opponent.

But last year is over and people have moved on. Except Cincinnati. After starting the 2009 campaign a perfect 5-0, the Bearcats have catapulted themselves into the top 10 in the country and, along with South Florida (No. 21), have started to rejuvenate a conference that was looking for some national credit.

Quarterback Tony Pike is leading the offense, as he ranks among the top 10 in the country in both touchdowns (13) and quarterback rating (159.9). He's helped his team score at least 28 points in all their victories this season. On the defensive side, the Bearcats have held opponents to less than 20 points in each of their first five games. So far this season, they are tied with Pittsburgh for second in the nation in sacks (20), and tied for fourth with 10 interceptions.

The Bearcats are the team to beat in the Big East this year. They have a similar feel to the 2007 Mountaineers and are ranked exactly the same as West Virginia was two years ago. This is good news for a conference that is looking to make big strides in the collegiate football scene. But things aren't always as they appear, as the Big East found out a little less than two years ago, when Pitt defeated West Virginia in the last game of the season.

And who knows what will happen this year because — just like in 2007 — the Bearcats will face the Panthers in the final game of the season.

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Posted by Jay Huerbin at 11:59 AM | Comments (0)

October 9, 2009

NFL Weekly Predictions: Week 5

Note: the quotes in this article are fictional.

Cincinnati @ Baltimore (-9)

On their way to a 3-1 record and a share of the AFC North lead, the Bengals have shown a flair for the dramatic, losing on a miracle, tipped-pass touchdown to Denver in Week 1, while beating the Steelers in the final seconds in Week 3, and winning on the final play in overtime last week in Cleveland, 23-20.

"You may have heard that my team talked me into going for it on fourth down in overtime," says Marvin Lewis. "I can pretty much be talked in to anything. Heck, I took the Cincy job back in 2003. And I kissed Chad Ochocinco last year, but that was under the influence of quaaludes and champagne. That was when Chad was undergoing his identity crisis, and seriously considered changing his name to Roman Polanski."

The Ravens are seething after Sunday's 27-21 loss in New England, angry at some officiating that they felt favored the home-standing Pats. Particularly at question were two roughing the passer calls in the first half, one in which Terrell Suggs was flagged for simply grazing the knee of Tom Brady. Super-slow motion replays appeared to show Brady actually reaching into the back pocket of the official and throwing the flag himself. Or at least replays in the Baltimore area did.

"If Giselle Bundchen does that same thing to Brady," says Ray Lewis, "she doesn't get flagged. She gets pregnant. By golly, I've seen more abuse to the cryogenically frozen head of baseball great Ted Williams go unpunished."

"If officials are going to be that biased towards quarterbacks with a history of knee injuries, then we're screwed. Heck, Carson Palmer's knee is responsible for all the legislation protecting quarterbacks. It's difficult enough already for NFL defenders to chase 'skirts' off the field without being penalized; now we have to worry about repercussions on the field."

You can expect the Ravens defenders to throw caution to the wind and come at Carson Palmer with everything they've got, making sure their hits are in the 'strike zone," in the area above the knees and below the neck. If Palmer is wise, he'll get rid of the ball quickly, because the officials won't be calling any roughing penalties.

Baltimore wins, 31-27.

Minnesota @ St. Louis (+10)

If there was a shred of doubt concerning Brett Favre's ability, arm strength, motivation, or boyish enthusiasm, it was put to rest last Monday in the Vikings' 30-23 win over the Packers. If revenge was indeed a factor, Favre showed it only by carving up the Green Bay pass defense for 271 yards and 3 touchdowns.

"My gosh," says Favre, "my offensive line gave me so much time to throw that on one play I actually contemplated retirement, and changed my mind twice before I had to throw."

"I think this game proves that I have no ill will towards the Packers. I feel I displayed the utmost respect and reverence in destroying them. If there were any hard feelings, well, that baggage has been 'Packed.'"

"I want to thank the Packers for allowing me to play for 16 years. Mostly, though, I want to thank them for not allowing me to play that 17th year. There's no way I would have survived behind that offensive line."

In stark contrast to the 4-0 Vikings, the Rams are 0-4 after their second shutout loss, a 35-0 whipping at the hands of division rival San Francisco. Quarterback Kyle Boller will face a Vikings defense that sacked Aaron Rodgers eight times. Defensive end Jared Allen recorded 4½ of those sacks, and also forced a fumble, a performance that solidified his position as a front-runner for NFL Defensive Player of the Year.

"I've already got my outfit picked out to wear to the awards ceremony," says Allen. "It's a camouflage wife-beater with a bow tie, accessorized with a cummerbund loaded with 12-gauge shotgun shells. You've got to dress to impress. Just as I do on the field. Not many guys can wear No. 69 and make it work. Me in jersey No. 69? Cool. Slow-pitch softball player in No. 69? Not cool."

Help is on the way for the Rams. Conservative talk show blowhard Rush Limbaugh is partnering with St. Louis Blues owner Dave Checketts in a bid to by the Rams. Quick, somebody tell Limbaugh that there's no such position on a football team known as "right wing."

Minnesota would be ripe for the picking in a letdown were they playing anyone but the Rams. But Adrian Peterson takes control, giving Favre the chance to rest his arm with just 20 passes. Peterson rushes for 146 yards and 2 touchdowns. The Rams get on the board late on a Steven Jackson score, verifying that the lights on the "home" side of the scoreboard do, in fact, work.

Minnesota wins, 30-7.

Tampa Bay @ Philadelphia (-13½)

At 0-4, it's apparent the Buccaneers have done little, if any, raping and pillaging, and have struggled to generate offense thus far this year. The outlook won't be much better on Sunday against an attacking Philadelphia defense and talented offense rested after a bye week.

"Hey, Napster's done more pirating than the Bucs," says Donovan McNabb. "I fear the skull and crossbones more on a box of rat poison. But we won't take them lightly. At least not until we've got a 14-0 lead halfway through the first quarter."

"As you know, I'm back at practice, and will probably start on Sunday. However, should I not, we're still in good hands, with Kevin Kolb and Michael Vick. I guess it's not true that Vick has an endorsement deal with Nike. Just because you wear Nike doesn't mean they endorse you. Consequently, just because you served time in jail for dog fighting doesn't mean I should believe you suddenly like dogs when you get out. You know, that's why we haven't been too successful running plays from the 'wildcat' formation. Michael's just not 'fee-line' it."

Bucs head coach Raheem Morris followed his decision last week to bench Byron Leftwich with another major decision, cutting kicker Mike Nugent after he missed two field goals in their 16-13 loss to Washington.

"In honor of his crazy Uncle Ted," says Morris, "I've promised Mike that the competition for our new kicker will be a 'Free For All.'"

With McNabb and Bryan Westbrook back and fairly healthy, the Eagles should have no trouble with the Bucs. And the Eagles defense will come after quarterback Josh Johnson and force turnovers.

McNabb throws for 245 yards and two scores in three quarters of action, and Philly forces three Johnson turnovers.

Philadelphia wins, 27-10.

Oakland @ NY Giants (-16)

Can the season get any worse for the Raiders? Oakland is 1-3, quarterback JaMarcus Russell's passes are 66% more likely to hit grass than an Oakland receiver, and head coach Tom Cable is on the verge of being arrested for punching an assistant coach back in August.

"In the case of the Raiders, you've got to question their leadership," says Eli Manning. "Can Al Davis really run an NFL team? If the destination is 'the ground,' then the answer is 'yes.'"

"And what about Cable? I don't question his ability to lead with his fist, but what about his leadership in general? When he says he's leading his team into battle, he really means it."

"As for Russell, his passes are really making Raider fans redefine the meaning of the 'Holy Roller.'"

Manning injured his right foot against the Chiefs last week, an injury diagnosed as "plantar fasciitis" that will likely require him to play with pain.

"I believe that's Latin for 'pussy foot,'" says Tom Coughlin. "So I can't tell you whether Eli will play or not. I think he will, and if he happens to turn the ball over like he did against the Chiefs, he'll also be suffering from a case of 'plantar footitis,' which is Latin for 'foot in the rear.'"

Like an injured Manning, the Raiders Sebastian Janikowski operates with one good foot (no, that doesn't mean he's had nonconsensual sex three times), and is practically Oakland's only consistent scoring threat. Janikowski kicks a 49-yard field goal with 3:49 to go in the game, cutting the Giants' lead from 28 to 25 points.

New York wins, 34-9.

Dallas @ Kansas City (+8½)

Dallas tumbled 17-10 in Denver last week, felled by two Tony Romo turnovers and protection issues on the offensive line. As with any Dallas loss, all the Cowboys can do now is wait for the fallout, which usually entails various former Cowboys either supporting or criticizing Tony Romo, owner Jerry Jones botoxing away more worry wrinkles, a total lack of accountability on the part of Wade Phillips, and Flozell Adams being fined for tripping.

"And don't forget jokes ridiculing me," says Romo. "Here's my favorite: 'What did the official say when Tony Romo asked him what down it was?' 'First down, Denver.'"

"Anyway, I can't let the words, whether positive or negative, of former Cowboys like Deion Sanders and Michael Irvin affect me. Not that I don't hear them, but mostly because I don't understand them. I don't speak jive. The only thing I care about is putting this team in position to win. Or, more importantly, not putting us in position to lose."

Romo rebounds, quelling any thought of an Indian uprising, passing for 2 touchdowns, and the Cowboys sack Matt Cassel four times.

Dallas wins, 28-13.

Pittsburgh @ Detroit (+11)

It may be true when they say "What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas," but what happens in Lake Tahoe, well, that'll follow you all the way home to Pittsburgh. Twice. Ben Roethlisberger, who was sued for sexual assault in July by a Harrah's Casino employee in Reno, is now being sued by another Harrah's employee, who claims he was fired when Roethlisberger complained that the employee demanded to see identification for a woman at Roethlisberger's table.

"I'll be darned if I ever go there again," says Roethlisberger. "Call it my 'last Harrah's.' Incidentally, my favorite football player right now is Seattle Seahawks safety Lawyer Milloy. If this guy were in front of me right now, somebody'd have to hold me back. I guess I'd tell him the same thing I told her: 'I'd like to hit that.'"

"If country legend Johnny Cash was here to put this to music, he'd definitely sing about 'A Boy Named Sue.' Well, this plaintiff needs to familiarize himself with the lyrics of Cash's 'Folsom Prison Blues,' particularly the lines that reads 'I shot a man in Reno just to watch him die.'"

The Steelers will play at Detroit's Ford Field for the first time since winning Super Bowl XL. The Lions will be without rookie quarterback Matthew Stafford, who injured his knee last week against the Bears.

"Who says teams don't win Super Bowl in Detroit?" says Stafford.

The Lions have a chance in this game, if wide receiver Calvin Johnson catches 25 passes for 310 yards and 3 touchdowns. But the Steelers defense isn't that shaky. They'll take away Johnson, and the offense will utilize emerging threat Rashard Mendenhall on the ground, and Roethlisberger will be as carefree in the pocket as he was in Reno back in 2008.

Pittsburgh wins, 34-17.

Cleveland @ Buffalo (-6)

The 0-4 Browns travel up the shore of Lake Erie to face the 1-3 Bills in what is being called the "Lake Effect Blows" Bowl. Both coaches, Cleveland's Eric Mangini and Buffalo's Dick Jauron, most likely won't see next season as head coaches, although, given Cleveland's penchant for hiring recently fired coaches, Jauron could have a job in Cleveland.

"That's a dream job," says Jauron. "I wouldn't 'dream' of having it. But I can't blame anyone but myself for our shortcomings. I'm the guy that fired our offensive coordinator just days before the season. As a head coach, the last thing you want to do is introduce a new playbook to your players, because, inevitably, you're going to be met with 'Playbook?! Playbook? You're asking me about a new playbook?!' comments from some wise-cracking player. Damn you, Jim Mora, Sr."

"But really, I blame myself. I fired Turk Schonert. I admit it. His plays were a little too complicated for my tastes. Now the playbook is much simpler after we added an 'adden-dumb' to the previous playbook."

In Cleveland, Eric Mangini is dealing with the backlash of an 0-4 start, unacceptable even by Browns standards.

"I totally get the fans' frustration," says Mangini. "I also totally get my new nickname, Eric The 'Red,' a skillful play on 'under par' performance and a famous Norse explorer. But really, our problems go beyond the field. Braylon Edwards is feuding with LeBron James after Edwards punched LeBron's 130-pound friend outside a Cleveland night club. It seems that after a day of having Cincinnati cornerbacks hounding him, it was just too much having another smaller man all up in his space."

"Of course, LeBron isn't free from fault, either. Obviously, King James is surrounding himself with tiny people who can't dunk, much less dunk on him."

Well, Edwards isn't the Browns problem anymore. He was traded to the Jets on Wednesday, fulfilling the chain of events he hoped for when he started this controversy. Now, he's with a contender. And far away from James. Until the Cavs play the Knicks.

Buffalo wins, 24-22.

Washington @ Carolina (-4½)

After an awful first half in which they trailed the Bucs 10-0 in Washington, the Redskins decided to stuff the white flag back in their pants and play. Or at least play enough to pull out an ugly 16-13 win, which evened Washington's record to 2-2, and 2-0 against winless teams. On Sunday, the 'Skins get another winless team, the 0-3 Panthers.

"It makes sense that we're playing the Panthers," says Jim Zorn, "because all I heard in the first half were 'cat calls.' But we pulled out a win. To those fans, all I have to say is 'boo ya!'"

"All this team lacks is confidence. Unfortunately, it's confidence in their coach. But never fear. We've hired Sherman Lewis as a consultant on offensive. My boss, Daniel Snyder, assured me that this move is not a threat to my job. He did, however, inform me that I'm the biggest threat to my job."

The Panthers are 0-3, and are sticking with quarterback Jake Delhomme in spite of the team's troubles.

"Is that a surprising decision?" says John Fox. "Well, how about this one? Julius Peppers is still starting at defensive end. Just like Jake, he's 0-3 as a starter this year. In fact, nearly every starter on this team is 0-3 as a starter."

"You can't pin the blame on our winless start on just one player. Heck, I've learned that if I spread the blame evenly among my players and coaches, I don't feel any responsibility at all. I love this game!"

What does it say about a 2-2 team that is facing an 0-3 team and is still a 4½-point underdog? I think it says that both teams suck.

Carolina wins, 20-17.

Atlanta @ San Francisco (-2½)

The 49ers have clearly established themselves as the class of the NFC West, racing to a two-game lead after a 35-0 beating of the Rams. The visiting Falcons, fresh off a bye week, will certainly offer more resistance than the sheepish Rams did, and will present a formidable measuring stick for a San Fran team making a new name for itself.

"As good as we're playing," says Mike Singletary, "I can't let these guys assume that they can't play better. Against the Rams, it was okay to assume our superiority, because when you 'assume' against the Rams, you make an ass out of 'ewe.' Not me, though."

"Now, when you consult with a bail bondsman about your negotiations with professional representatives on your first NFL contract, then I wouldn't even call you an 'ass.' Heck, an ass or a donkey wouldn't be that stupid. That field-goal kicking donkey Gus negotiated his own contract without the help of an agent or a bail bondsman."

"I guess somebody talked some sense into Michael Crabtree. He finally signed, probably because he realized we're going to be a playoff team. But if he thinks I'm going to treat him like the savior to this team's passing woes, he's sadly mistaken. And I absolutely refuse to appear in some schmaltzy 'Got Crabs' advertising campaign."

Is this the game in which the 49ers realize how much they miss Frank Gore? The Falcons definitely won't give up three defensive touchdowns, and they'll move the ball efficiently on the 49er defense.

Matt Ryan throws for 218 yards and two scores.

Atlanta wins, 26-23.

Houston @ Arizona (-6)

With the 3-1 49ers looking down upon them in the NFC West standings, the 1-2 Cardinals certainly feel a sense of urgency to turn things around and start playing like the team that narrowly lost to the Steelers in the Super Bowl.

With opponents scheming to stop the pass, Arizona's running game deficiencies have been exposed, and the Texans will surely employ the same strategy.

"Everybody's daring us to run," says Kurt Warner. "In most cases, we've obliged, by being 'run' out of the building, twice losing at home. Honestly, until we find a dependable back, there's no need for defenses to load up the box against us. Right now, the rookie who was supposed to revitalize our running game, Beanie Wells, is nicknamed 'Wells No Go.' We'd be satisfied if he could become just a mediocre runner and be called 'Medium Wells.'"

"And until Larry Fitzgerald remembers how to beat double-teams like he did last year, I'll be saying 'Hell Larry's' more than 'Hail Mary's.'"

Houston is 2-2, their last win a 29-6 decision over the Raiders, a game in which the Texans took away the Raider running game and forced JaMarcus Russell to beat them with the pass. Houston will employ just the opposite defense against Arizona, by attempting to take away the pass and force the Cards to beat them on the ground.

"I'm not sure if beating the Raiders by 23 points is boast-worthy," says Gary Kubiak. "I'm not even sure it counts in the standings. I think if we really want to consider ourselves true playoff contenders, then this is the kind of game we need to win, on the road, against a playoff-caliber team. That's the kind of exposure we need. Exposure will play a key role in this game — the loser will be 'exposed' as a poseur."

Has a bye week given Ken Whisenhunt the time to analyze and correct the Cardinals shortcomings? Analyze, yes. Correct, I don't know. But if the Cards can't find a running game hidden inside the holes of the Texans' 29th-ranked rushing defense, then they are in serious trouble.

Arizona rushes for 145 yards as a team, and Warner finds Fitzgerald deep for a score late, securing a 34-24 Arizona win.

Jacksonville @ Seattle (-1)

After an 0-2 start, the Jaguars have stormed back with two wins, both coming over division foes Houston and Tennessee. The Jags are tied for second in the AFC South, and with the Colts leading the division at 4-0, Jacksonville can ill afford a loss and a possible three-game division deficit.

"We've shown in our two victories that we can win by taking what the defense gives us," says Jack Del Rio. "Against Houston, the Texans gave us the run, so we took it. In the Tennessee game, they gave us the pass, so we took it. If you come to a game in Jacksonville, we'll give away tickets. But you probably won't take them."

"It's never easy making that long trip to Seattle and playing at Qwest Field, home of the famous '12th Man.' We're very familiar with the '12th Man.' Attendance is so bad at Jaguars game, the '12th Man' is what we call the last fan arriving to a game."

Seattle's Matt Hasselbeck is scheduled to start after missing the last two games with a rib injury.

"We may be down," says Jim Mora. "But I sense great things for this team. I just hope I'm around to see it. It's a positive vibe. It smells like esprit de corps, which, oddly enough, smells like a combination of teen spirit, Mike Holmgren, and barbecue sauce."

Is a cross country trip, coupled with playing in front of 67,000 fans, too much for the Jags to handle? Probably. They're not used to playing in front of a full house.

Seattle wins, 23-17.

New England @ Denver (+3½)

Known primarily last year as a team heavy on offense and light on defense, the Broncos have changed identities under Josh McDaniels. Now, the Denver defense leads the league in scoring defense, and an offense that relied heavily on the arm of Jay Cutler now sports a formidable ground game with the solid yet unspectacular Kyle Orton calling the signals. It's a recipe for success, as the Broncos are undefeated and atop the AFC West.

"Don't call it an 'inversion," says Josh McDaniels. "Call it a 'Den-version' if you will. I've totally changed the mindset of this team, for the better, of course. I think it's become apparent that Mike Shanahan wasn't much of a disciplinarian. Heck, Shanahan spawned more 'babies' than Travis Henry."

"Orton's doing exactly what I've asked of him. That's simply to not make mistakes. And Brandon Marshall is finally doing what I've asked of him, and that's to make corrections to Orton's mistakes. Like, for example, last week, when he grabbed an under-thrown Orton pass that should have been intercepted by Terrence Newman and turned it into the 51-yard game-winning touchdown. That's exactly what I envisioned for Brandon, after all of my panicked efforts to trade him failed."

The Pats escaped with a 27-21 win last week over the undefeated Ravens, a result that, depending on your love/hatred for the Patriots, may/may not have been swayed by some controversial roughing penalties on the Ravens. At least one former Patriot disagreed with the calls; former New England safety Rodney Harrison questioned Tom Brady's toughness, quipping that Brady needed to "take off the skirt."

"Hey, Rodney's partly right," says Brady. "Giselle wears the pants in this family. Skirt or slacks, our opponents need not worry about what I'm wearing. They do, however, need to worry about the pockets attached to what I'm wearing, and the size of those pockets. Because they're large enough to hold an entire officiating crew."

It's the kind of matchup that Bill Belichick loves best — a game in which he can put his upstart former assistant in his rightful place with a loss. Belichick may be the "Daddy Mack," but Denver's young leader is the "'Mc' Daddy," and he wants to beat his mentor just as badly.

But for Tom Brady, it's personal. He remembers the 2006 divisional playoffs in Denver, when a phantom interference call on Asante Samuel aided the Broncos in their victory. Why does that play stick in Brady's craw? Because it was the last time a call went against the Pats.

Brady steers clear of Champ Bailey, throwing a TD pass apiece to Wes Welker and Kevin Faulk. The New England defense harasses Kyle Orton into two turnovers, and precious few passes to Brandon Marshall.

New England wins, 27-20.

Indianapolis @ Tennessee (+3)

At the onset of the season, it appeared that Sunday's Colts/Titans contest would pit the two AFC South frontrunners in an early battle for control of the division. However, Indy's impressive 4-0 start, coupled with Tennessee's disastrous 0-4 start, has diminished much of the luster of the game.

"Hey, we know the Titans are down," says Peyton Manning. "But that doesn't mean they're out. If anything, they'll be angry. How angry? Probably just as angry as NBC once they realize that flex games don't start until Week 11."

For the Titans, Kerry Collins is still the starter, but Jeff Fisher realizes the situation may soon call for a drastic change at quarterback.

"If Vince Young is looking for redemption," says Fisher, "this may be his chance. Second chances are a lot like Vince's Wonderlic scores — he's lucky to get two or three."

"Our 0-4 start is certainly deflating, but not tragic. It doesn't require a eulogy by any means, but it would make a great subject for a heartbreaking country song involving drowning your sorrows in whiskey. And since Kerry Collins has experience in country music and whiskey, he's perfectly qualified to author the song."

Only one team in NFL history has made the playoffs after starting the season 0-4. So it's going to take a "Music City Miracle" for the Titans to see the post-season. For Fisher, that miracle starts on Sunday night. Neither Collins nor Young get the start. Instead, Fisher surprises everyone by starting Frank Wycheck, who starts the scoring by throwing a lateral on the first snap, which is picked up by the Colts Marlin Jackson and returned for a touchdown.

Manning keeps the Titans at bay for the rest of the game.

Colts win, 31-24.

NY Jets @ Miami (+1)

Sunny Florida is the site for a showdown between AFC East rivals New York and Miami, a game-pitting the Jets fearsome defense against the Dolphins potent 'wildcat' offense.

"Save for a sumo ring," says Ricky Williams, "I can't think of a better place for Tony Sparano and Rex Ryan to go at it than Landshark Stadium. For this game, maybe they should call it 'Beached Whale Stadium.'"

In a 4-turnover effort in a 24-10 loss to the Saints, Jets quarterback Mark Sanchez finally played like a rookie. It was one of those "welcome to the NFL" moments that Sanchez is likely to remember when he looks back on his rookie year.

"I can't truly say I've been fully broken in to the NFL," says Sanchez. "At least not until I'm the recipient of some Joey Porter trash talk. Joey's been quiet so far. Either he's gone mute, or this 1-3 start has clogged his blowhole with humble pie."

If the Dolphins are to beat the Jets and tighten things up in the East, they'll have to have their running game clicking. The Jets will likely stack the line to stop Ronnie Brown and Ricky Williams, thus forcing Chad Henne to shoulder the load on offense. And with a solid defensive backfield, featuring Darrelle Revis, eyeing Henne, the Jets will be able to fully commit to stopping the run.

Sanchez throws for an efficient 195 yards, including a score to new addition Braylon Edwards, who definitely won't be on the onside kick "hands" team.

New York wins, 22-17.

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Posted by Jeffrey Boswell at 11:55 AM | Comments (2)

Poll Im-Position

October. It's the best the month of sports year. But while many sports fans will follow the season's bounty of on-field drama, a group of curmudgeons will start banging their tired drum. That's right, October is the official beginning of BCS-bashing season.

Humans don't like uncertainty, and that's usually a good thing. That preference helps us go from meeting to meeting and keeps us from losing our house keys. But when we try to bring order to outright chaos, our need for certainty and organization bogs us down.

And that's where the college football polls come in. Decades ago, before we could sate our need for intercollegiate pigskin on a Tuesday with high-def Sunbelt Conference action on a weekly basis, it made sense to poll college football experts about who was good. It made sense that people who followed the sports for a living, namely writers and coaches, would rank the country's best teams in the way a mechanic might rank the best cars he had seen or a music critic might rank the best concerts he had attended. But now it doesn't make as much sense.

Just as baseball has moved past the gospel of scouts and into a world ruled by advanced metrics, so too should our evaluation of college football teams. There are 10 dozen teams in the FBS; who in his right mind could reasonably complete a sound contrast of New Mexico State and Western Kentucky? So instead of asking a group of experts to pretend to know it all, I propose the following four steps to make the college football postseason right. And no, the word playoff is not contained in any of them. First, I'd...

1. Kill the "human" polls. In the BCS' years of infancy, the formula was far more complicated than it is now. Teams were awarded quality win points, strength of schedule was an implicit, if not explicit, variable, and other objective measures of performance were assigned quantitative values. But following a few years where the BCS dared to disagree with the pollsters, the lowest common denominator of conventional wisdom neutered the formula to merely reflect an index of the human polls with a splash of computer polls for garnish.

Want further evidence of the tyranny of conventional wisdom? AP voter Doug Lesmeries of the Plain Dealer has been called out nationally for his ballot, on which Lesmeries previously had Houston ranked in the top five in front of Florida. Lesmeries' unconventional rankings, which he based on, get this, what teams had actually accomplished on the field this season, weren't flamed because they were illogical or poorly defended. To the contrary, unlike many other voters, Lesmeries could backup his rankings with real results like "Houston won at Oklahoma State" and "Alabama (Lesmeries' No. 1) beat Virginia Tech on a neutral field." No, Lesmeries simply had the gall not to echo the consensus of the majority.

The polls have run their course. They had their place before the country could watch dozens of games every Saturday or access any statistic in seconds. It's time to end the farce of pretending coaches and writers can re-evaluate 120 teams in a meaningful hierarchy every week of the college football season. I know I couldn't. Instead, we need to make way for...

2. The rise of the machines. In many states, the high school football playoffs are populated and seeded based on formulas that credit teams for what they achieve on the field. It's that simple. For example, in Ohio, the state's athletic association uses a formula that awards points to teams for each win, indexed for the size of the opponent, the opponent's record, and the records of the opponent's opponents. And to the loser? Zero points.

Of course, as soon as anyone suggests putting the fate of college football in the hands of "computers," doomsday predictors cast visions of Terminator's Skynet crossed with The Matrix's Mr. Anderson. Let's dispel some of that angst.

Calling the formulas used to evaluate football teams "computer polls" is a misnomer. Each of those polls was devised by a sports-minded mathematician under an environment of painstaking statistical significance. Should we really be questioning their credibility when it seems like half of the coaches "voting" in their poll pass their ballots to an equipment manager? Would you feel better if we called them the "calculator polls" or the "abacus polls?"

Steve Spurrier always puts Duke No. 25 on his preseason ballot (when he has one) because they gave him his first head coaching job. Seriously. Do you still want to blame polls that draw from countless relevant variables, none of which is "did they hire me," just because you don't understand the math?

Of course, changing the way teams are ranked is only a start. We need to tweak the system a little to play up the "national" part of our national champion, so we will...

3. Weight non-conference games more heavily than conference games. There are two reasons why non-conference games are more important in deciding a national champ. First, we only get to see college football teams play 12 times before making postseason destination decisions. So while teams are handcuffed to their conference schedules, shouldn't we emphasize the portion of their schedules they elect to play? By weighting the point values for non-conference wins 25% heavier than conference games, schools are rewarded for their electives.

Secondly, non-conference games matter more from a national perspective because of the inherently more competitive nature of many conference matchups. Take for example Iowa's stranglehold this decade on its series with Penn State. When the Hawkeyes beat a top-10 Nittany Lion team, it's certainly a strong win, but it doesn't tell us as much about how good that year's Iowa is as a win over, say, a top-10 Virginia Tech would. Big games in the conference would still matter and because at least two-thirds of most teams' schedules are made up of conference games, such an emphasis on non-conference play wouldn't lead to a fourth place Big 12 team jumping to the top of the rankings based on a good September. And to make the non-conference slate even stronger, conferences should...

4. Adopt basketball's Big Ten/ACC Challenge model. The scope could vary, but wouldn't it be interesting if today the SEC and Big 12 agreed to have their champs from this season play in a neutral location next September?

Or, because non-conference schedules are typically set a few years in advance, the two leagues could identify a slate of four teams that would matchup with four from another conference a few years down the road with the specific games to be determined in the future.
How about a geographic angle? Teams in specific regions could agree to have a rotating regional slate. So, for example, Kentucky, Cincinnati, Ohio State, and Marshall could agree to matchup in a future season with the head-to-head specifics decided before that season. There are many ways this could work.

Big non-conference games have great lead-ups and pit top talent against each other, but most importantly, they tell us a lot about the strength of teams and conferences in comparison to each other.

Look, I know a college football playoff would be a blast. Those two or three weeks would be taut with major games and the accoutrements that make us love college football. And frankly, the arguments offered by BCS defenders about students missing class time and the toll of extending the season are saturated in crocodile tears. But what's lost in the playoff enthusiasm is the penalty it would exact on the regular season. Basically, any major conference team with one loss would get into an eight-team playoff.

Think about all of the dramatic moments this decade where teams in pole position to reach the title game succeeded or failed in walking the tight rope. Ohio State's 2002 fourth down miracle against Purdue? A good game, but the Buckeyes still would have easily made the playoffs. West Virginia's heart-wrenching home loss to Pitt in 2007 that denied them the BCS title game? Again, the Mountaineers easily would have qualified for the tournament despite that loss. How would the stakes have changed this year for Ohio State/USC, Florida-/LSU, Alabama/Virginia Tech, or Oklahoma/Miami? And perhaps most of all, what about those spoilers who get a chance to glorify their mediocre seasons by ruining a rival's perfect season? In a playoff scenario, there would be must less at stake to spoil.

Yes, these recommendations might have as much chance of winning out as Brett Favre in Green Bay's next mayoral race. But if nothing else, think about those polls the next time you look at them. Do you really think all of those media members, not to mention the coaches/equipment managers, really give a fair evaluation to every team every week when they cast those ballots? That's not the system or the mathematicians' fault. The next time you hear someone rip the BCS, know what it really stands for: Brainless Critic's Scapegoat.

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Posted by Corrie Trouw at 11:49 AM | Comments (1)

October 8, 2009

It's Groundhog Day For Angels

It must be like Groundhog Day for the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim. They're among the best teams in all of baseball all season long. They cakewalk their way through the American League West. They're primed for a run at a World Series title.

And in walks the Boston Red Sox.

People think this run of playoff dominance by the Red Sox over the Angels started in 2004, but in reality, it goes all the way back to 1986.

The Red Sox, already down 2-1 in the series, sent ace Roger Clemens to the mound against the Angels. Clemens came just two outs away from a complete game victory, but couldn't get through the ninth inning. He was relieved by closer (and I use that term loosely) Calvin Schiraldi with one out in the ninth inning.

Schiraldi promptly gave up an RBI double to Gary Pettis, then after loading the bases with an intentional walk, hit Angels left fielder Brian Downing with a pitch to drive in the game tying run.

Two innings later, a Bobby Grich RBI single off of a tired Schiraldi gave the Angels a 4-3 victory and a commanding 3-1 lead in the ALCS.

That was the last playoff game they'd win against Boston until Game 3 of the 2008 ALDS.

In Game 5 of the 1986 ALCS, the Angels had a 5-2 lead after eight innings. But Don Baylor hit a two-run home run, then Dave Henderson hit a solo home run in the ninth to give the Red Sox a 6-5 lead. The Angels would tie the game in the bottom of the ninth, but Henderson hit a bases loaded sacrifice fly in the top of the 11th to put the Red Sox on top to stay.

Then this happened:

1986 ALCS, Game 6: Red Sox 10, Angels 4
1986 ALCS, Game 7: Red Sox 8, Angels 1

2004 ALDS, Game 1: Red Sox 9, Angels 3
2004 ALDS, Game 2: Red Sox 8, Angels 3
2004 ALDS, Game 3: Red Sox 8, Angels 6 (10 innings)

2007 ALDS, Game 1: Red Sox 4, Angels 0
2007 ALDS, Game 2: Red Sox 6, Angels 3
2007 ALDS, Game 3: Red Sox 9, Angels 1

2008 ALDS, Game 1: Red Sox 4, Angels 1
2008 ALDS, Game 2: Red Sox 7, Angels 5

The Angels finally broke through in Game 3 of the 2008 ALDS, winning 5-4 in 12 innings. But the victory celebration was short-lived, as the Red Sox ended their season with a walk-off 3-2 victory the next night.

So you can forgive the Angels if they were actively rooting for the Tampa Bay Rays or the Texas Rangers to overtake the Red Sox for the wild card.

Enough is enough, for crying out loud.

But, even as a diehard Red Sox fan, I can't help but wonder if this is the year they finally break through.

As a Red Sox fan, I know a thing or two about curses. I watched the Red Sox lose every meaningful game against the New York Yankees for three decades. My father had watched them lose every meaningful game to the New York Yankees for nearly six decades. His father had watched them lose every meaningful game to the New York Yankees for nearly nine decades.

Then came 2003. We were convinced we finally had the better team in Boston. But the Yankees had that mystique thing going for them, and a diminutive infielder's game winning, walk-off hit destroyed the Red Sox' hopes once again.

Sound a little familiar?

Last season, the Angels finally had the better team. They knew it, and to be honest, Red Sox fans knew it. The Sox' ace was hurting, their offense wasn't exactly tearing the cover off the ball, and the Angels had just wiped out their division by 20 games.

But in Game 4, a diminutive infielder's game winning, walk-off hit destroyed the Angels' hopes once again.

That Red Sox team walked away from the 2003 series against the Yankees knowing they could beat them. The next year, when they faced the Yankees again, the Red Sox celebrated in the infield of Yankee Stadium on their way to a World Series championship.

In 2008, the Red Sox won the series in four games, but twice the Angels tied a game in the eighth inning and both times the Red Sox won it in the ninth. The Angels know they could have won either game. They walked away from that series knowing they could beat the Red Sox.

Which brings us to today.

The Angels once again believe they have a better team. Their pitching is deeper, they hit the ball better, and they have an offense designed to exploit the Red Sox biggest weakness: an inability to stop the running game.

The Angels have a huge Rally Monkey on their back, and it's wearing a Red Sox cap. This is the year they throw it off.

Because if they don't beat the Red Sox this year, they'll never beat the Red Sox.

You can read more articles like this one on Sean's Examiner.com page.

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Posted by Sean Crowe at 11:41 AM | Comments (0)

Rx For Three Worst Teams in the NFL

It's not looking so far like the most balanced, parity-laden season in NFL history, is it? As noted in Brad Oremland's column, five teams are 4-0 for the first time in NFL history — but five teams are also 0-4. Another team is 0-3 (there but for the grace of the bye week go the Panthers). Still another team, the Redskins, are 2-2, but earned those victories at home, by a total of five points, over two of the winless teams. There are a lot of teams in the NFL who could make a claim for the worst — and amazingly, the Lions and the Raiders aren't even among them.

The very worst team probably comes from the unholy triptych of the Browns, Buccaneers, and Rams. But I have the cure for what ails each. They will still be bad, but to be just slightly improved over the flotsam of the NFL could mean a 9-7 season and perhaps the playoffs.

The Rams are a bit a puzzler, because they still have some key pieces remaining from their more successful years. They are also a puzzler because they are simply doing everything bad, so there's not much good to build on. They don't score, and they give up a ton of points. They are tied for 26th in turnover differential, and have committed the most penalties in the NFL.

They still run the ball well with Steven Jackson, but he can't do it all himself. Get more carries to Kenneth Darby and Samkon Gado. This will keep Jackson more fresh in the fourth quarter, which is good because the Rams should be running even more than they are now, just to open up the occasional downfield opportunity to Donnie Avery and Laurent Robinson ... if Kyle Boller can do any better than Marc Bulger at getting the ball to them, that is. Remember when Bulger was good? The turnovers and penalty stats clearly indicate more discipline and concentration is in order. Hire a hypnotist or something.

I don't want to belabor the Bucs to death because I've written extensively on them already in recent columns, but they also need to pound the run, even when they're behind. Playoffs are not in the offing for them this year, so they have a chance to develop a decent offensive game plan around a young core. The Bucs did well to sign Derrick Ward, who quietly rushed for 1,000 yards last year as Brandon Jacobs' understudy. That takes heat off the talented but injury-prone Cadillac Williams, who was worked to death during this rookie year and has paid the price since.

Josh Johnson looked good in the first half against the Redskins, prior to an uninspiring second half. He still has earned another start at least.

They also need some playcalling guts. With about five minutes remaining and two timeouts left, down by six, the Bucs opted for a field goal at 4th-and-goal from the four. These conservative decisions are not the ones 0-4 teams should be making; nay, they should go for broke.

The Browns made an even more outrageously conservative decision. With 19 seconds left in a tie game, the Browns had 4th-and-10 from the Bengals' 39 ... and they punted.

I don't mean to turn this into a Gregg Easterbrook column, but think about that for a second. Ask yourselves which of these scenarios is the most likely?

A) The Browns get the first down to the 30 or beyond and have a reasonable length, game-winning field goal to try.

B) The Browns go for the 56-yard field goal, which is a length that doesn't lend itself to a great success rate, but every NFL kicker should at least be capable of booting a 56-yarder.

C) They fail on A or B, the Bengals get the ball back at no better than their own 46 with no more than 14 seconds left and two timeouts, get into field goal range in that time, and win it.

Am I crazy that thinking A and B are more likely to occur than C? Because even if A or B don't work out — and they might — you still leave a tall order for the Bengals to make you pay for it. It's just insane not to try to win the game there, one way or another, from your opponent's 39. Isn't it?

This is usually where Easterbrook talks about how coaches do this to protect their jobs rather than "challenging" his players, and I'm only with him partway on that. I do like his point that coaches, it is clear, are happy to say to themselves, "If I make conservative decisions and we lose, it's players' fault. If we gamble and take chances that backfire, it's my fault." That's why you see crazy decisions like the one above made (presumably) by Browns head coach Eric Mangini.

But another reason is I think a lot of coaches, perhaps Mangini and Raheem Morris among them, aren't really honest with themselves about the ability of their teams. These teams are bad. They don't have the talent, the quality of players, that most teams in the league do. Specifically, the Browns are not as good, not as talented, as the Bengals. So it's not to their advantage to play for overtime against a more talented team.

Rather, the way for a less-talented team to beat a better team is precisely to take more chances — trick plays, unconventional formations, confusion-causing schemes. If you can't outplay them, outcoach them. Chapter 1 in this book is Boise State's win over Oklahoma in the 2007 Fiesta Bowl. Chapter 2 is Princeton's near miss against Georgetown in the 1989 NCAA Basketball Tournament. Chapter 3 is this article by Malcolm Gladwell.

Bolder coaching isn't the Browns' only problem. Their electrifying playmakers are Jerome Harrison and Josh Cribbs, and they need more touches, with an emphasis on routes and blocking schemes that will get them into the open field.

Cleveland is starting to see the light a little bit on Harrison, who leads the team in rushing attempts. Cribbs is still largely relegated to kick return duties.

Interestingly, the Browns have a history of incorrectly utilizing small, lightning-fast running backs. As a kid in Northeast Ohio, I remember seeing t-shirts comparing the then Browns head coach to Butthead, standing on the sidelines with Beavis. The coach's talk balloon would say, "Huh-huh! Huh-huh! (Eric) Metcalf up the middle!"

I guess that shirt goes to show that even coaching legends aren't immune from potshots from guys like me early in their career, so there's hope yet for Morris and Mangini. The Browns coach on the t-shirt was Bill Belichick. Beavis and Belichick, it read.

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Posted by Kevin Beane at 11:02 AM | Comments (2)

October 7, 2009

NASCAR Top 10 Power Rankings: Week 29

Note: the quotes in this article are fictional.

1. Mark Martin — Martin started on the pole in Kansas, his seventh pole this year, and raced in the top 10 for most of the day. Handling issues prevented a win, but Martin finished seventh, two spots ahead of Jimmie Johnson, and lengthened his points lead from 10 to 18 over his Hendrick teammate.

"From here on out," Martin said, "we'll be amending all of our public communications with the phrase 'assuming we pass inspection.' I imagine NASCAR we'll be keeping a close eye on the No. 5 and No. 48 cars from now on."

"For now, I guess my car will be like my hair — it will be gone over with a fine-toothed comb."

2. Jimmie Johnson — Johnson opted for two tires on the crucial pit stop with 41 laps to go, leaving the pits in third, but finding his car somewhat unresponsive. Johnson fell back to ninth, and now trails Mark Martin by 18 points.

"Maybe it was the dirty air," Johnson said. "Or it could have been the dirty looks I was getting from NASCAR slowing the No. 48 Chevrolet."

"But only a mere week after many were saying the Chase was a two-man race between Mark Martin and I, suddenly, upon closer inspection, it's become wide open. I guess, in NASCAR, 'jumping to conclusions' is just as prevalent as 'jumping on bandwagons."

3. Juan Montoya — Montoya finished fourth in Kansas, his third consecutive top-five, and moved up one spot to third in the Sprint Cup point standings. Montoya gained ground on both Mark Martin and Jimmie Johnson, besting their respective finishes of seventh and ninth.

"They fear me," Montoya said. "If it's not my fiery Latino temperament, then it's my hot breath breathing down their necks."

"By now, Americans should be well aware that whether it's a race car driver or a drug cartel, Colombians don't go way easily."

4. Denny Hamlin — Hamlin finished fifth in the Price Chopper 400 at Dover International Raceway, leading one lap on his way to a successful points day. Despite dropping one spot in the Sprint Cup point standings, Hamlin cut into Mark Martin's points lead, and now trails by 99.

"It's times like these when I have to ask myself," Hamlin said, "'What do I want more — a piece of the Cup or a piece of Brad Keselowski?' Is it wise for a driver in the Chase to be feuding with a driver out of the Chase?

5. Tony Stewart — Stewart bounced back from a lethargic start to the Chase with a win in the Price Chopper 400 in Kansas. Crew chief Darian Grubb called for two tires on the race's final pit stop, allowing Stewart to restart in the lead. Stewart held off a hard-charging Jeff Gordon for his fourth win of the year.

"Hey, let this be a warning to Mark Martin and Jimmie Johnson," Stewart said. "Gosh, when have they heard that before?"

"After his win in Dover, people were quick to anoint Jimmie Johnson the king. I'm sure, with a victory in Kansas, Johnson would likely have been the subject of a headline reading 'Kansas City Royal.'"

"But I put a stop to that, at least until Johnson's or Martin's next victory. I expect the empire to strike back soon."

6. Kurt Busch — Busch started 39th on Sunday in Kansas, facing an uphill battle to make up ground on his Chase competitors. However, Busch was only able to best two of the eleven other Chase drivers with his 11th-place finish, and now trails Mark Martin by 91 points.

"You heard of cars 'unloading fast,'" Busch said. "Well, we 'unloaded slow.' And believe me, I know what it's like to get 'unloaded' upon."

"Finishing 11th and still losing ground to most of my Chase competitors? Now that's a slap in the face."

7. Jeff Gordon — Gordon took four tires on his final pit stop, and carved his way through the field, nearly catching Tony Stewart for the win. But Gordon ran out of time, settling for a runner-up finish that offered him hope in a Chase bereft of it so far. He moved up one spot in the point standings to seventh, 103 out of first.

"I think I could have caught Tony given five more laps," Gordon said, "or seven more Whoppers on Tony's part."

"Although I only improved one spot in the standings, it's great to close the distance between myself and my Hendrick teammates, Mark Martin and Jimmie Johnson. However, in light of recent developments involving inspections and NASCAR's watchful eye, I prefer to keep my distance from Mark and Jimmie."

8. Greg Biffle — While crew chief Greg Erwin called for two tires, Biffle insisted on four, and the decision cost him a chance at the win in Kansas. Entering pit road as the leader, Biffle restarted fourth, and finished there.

"That's right," Biffle said. "I overruled Erwin. In hindsight, he should have objected. Now, my chances for the Cup are right where they were before the race — slim to none. In other words, they were sustained."

9. Carl Edwards — Edwards fell a lap down early due to a pit road speeding penalty, which practically ended his hopes for a win at his home track in Kansas. He did rally to finish 10th, and moved up one spot to 10th in the point standings, 165 out of first.

"There were a lot of people in the stands whom I wanted to impress," said Edwards. "But there's only so much you can do with a toothy grin."

"But we showed promise. And NASCAR did too, promising to keep a keen set of eyes on the cars of Mark Martin and Jimmie Johnson. But is this simply the equivalent of a phantom 'debris caution,' meant to bunch the field or at least give the backmarkers hope? Probably."

"I, of all people, know what it's like to be targeted by NASCAR just because my car is faster than the others. I think this is NASCAR's way of saying, 'While we'll be vigilant in regards to the No. 48 and No. 5 cars, it's a good time for the rest of you to cheat and make up some ground.' So, while NASCAR has one eye on Martin and Johnson, their other eye is winking at the other 10 Chasers."

10. Kasey Kahne — After a 38th to start the Chase, Kahne has now reeled off two consecutive top-10 finishes after a sixth in Kansas. Kahne is 11th in the point standings, a distant 190 out of first.

"Rightly so," Kahne said, "the Chase is not the biggest story for Richard Petty Motorsports. It's the talk of a commercial deal between RPM and a prince in the Saudi royal family. I'm really not sure I want to deal with such a change. Heck, I already face Level Cross, North Carolina five times a day and pray. Does this mean I'll have to do the same facing Mecca? Holy crap, that's asking a lot."

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Posted by Jeffrey Boswell at 11:00 AM | Comments (0)

October 6, 2009

NFL Week 4 Power Rankings

Five Quick Hits

* The NFL and its television partners did a great job this weekend promoting Breast Cancer Awareness Month. The league, in turn, deserves positive publicity for its efforts.

* Michele Tafoya, who normally makes the most of a pointless job, missed an opportunity in her postgame interview. Talking to someone whose wife is a breast cancer survivor, who was wearing pink shoes and a conspicuous pink captain's patch on his jersey, she could have asked about the league's involvement and shown the audience a player affected by the disease, throwing some attention toward a good cause and drawing out a from-the-heart answer instead of just the normal "glad we're 4-0" politics.

* Sometimes I try to watch the Monday night postgame show. I can't make myself do it. Trent Dilfer is a clown, and Stuart Scott is intolerable.

* Ravens OT Jared Gaither left the stadium in an ambulance this weekend. Gaither has full mobility in all of his limbs and might even play in next week's game.

* NBC's Sunday night broadcast is absolutely the best about showing timely, meaningful replays. Keep up the good work.

***

No one wants the referees to be the story, but in two Week 4 games, the officiating played a larger role than it should have. In its game against New England, Baltimore was penalized 9 times for 85 yards, including three 15-yard penalties and four that gave the Patriots first down. Ron Winter's flag-happy crew did a notably poor job in this game, though I don't think the officiating was quite as tilted in New England's favor as some of the Ravens are claiming. I just think it was generally poor officiating from a crew that was much too quick to get involved in the game.

I was actually more bothered by the officials in the Monday night game. Someone on Gene Steratore's crew really doesn't like Charles Woodson. The standout cornerback was called for two very questionable penalties: a holding call that looked like a legal chuck and a pass interference in the end zone that looked like nothing. Maybe Steratore has a bunch of Vikings on his fantasy team. The Packers were hit with 7 penalties for 57 yards and 3 Minnesota first downs. The Vikings were called for two 5-yard penalties: 10 yards, no first downs. That's a pretty big difference, and several of the flags (particularly the two against Woodson) were ticky-tack at best.

Given a choice, most fans would rather see officials let the game go on. Obvious penalties need to be called. The rules have to be enforced and the game must stay under control. But Winter's crew was just looking for an excuse to get involved, and even when they interpreted the letter of the law correctly, they never seemed to grasp its spirit. Steratore's crew made me wonder if the league had a preference as to which team won the game.

Moving on to more pleasant topics, let's get to this week's Power Rankings. Brackets indicate last week's rank.

1. New York Giants [1] — Outgained their opponent by more than 200 yards for the second consecutive week. Eli Manning's heel injury reportedly is not serious, and he is likely to start next week's game against the Raiders. Even if he does not, I don't think the Giants need Manning to beat the Raiders. This is the top-ranked defense in the NFL.

2. New Orleans Saints [2] — Beat the Jets with defense. The offense was okay, but the defense picked up 4 sacks, 3 interceptions, and a fumble recovery. In fact, the Saints' defense (2 touchdown returns) outscored their offense (1 touchdown and a field goal). Darren Sharper leads the NFL with 5 interceptions; no one else has more than 3. Sharper has 275 yards on interception returns this season, giving him 1,311 for his career. The records are 358 (Ed Reed in 2004) and 1,483 (Rod Woodson), respectively. Sharper also has 2 returns for touchdowns, giving him 10 for his career, which trails only Woodson (12) on the all-time list.

3. New England Patriots [4] — Last week, the story was Fred Taylor and their balanced offense. This week, with Wes Welker back in action and facing Baltimore's stifling run defense, it was back to the air. Tom Brady completed passes to nine different receivers — Welker led the team with 6 receptions — and passed for 258 of the team's 319 yards (81%). Beating the Patriots still begins with stopping Brady. DB Brandon Meriweather made several big plays and looked like an emerging star in the secondary.

4. Indianapolis Colts [6] — I'm starting to believe that Peyton Manning is the best quarterback in the history of the game. I've just never seen anyone else play at such a high level, or for so long. I've only seen clips of Otto Graham and Johnny Unitas, and my mind is not made up about this, but Manning is literally amazing. That said, he's also surrounded by a great deal of talent on offense, and the real story of this week's game was the surprising excellence of the Indianapolis defense. Robert Mathis was particularly dominant, with three sacks and two forced fumbles.

5. New York Jets [3] — Defense continues to be excellent, but it's not good enough to overcome four turnovers. The Jets' offense has quietly escaped notice for most of this season because it hasn't been asked to do much. And in fact, it really hasn't done much. The Jets rank 24th in both yardage and points.

6. Baltimore Ravens [5] — Played well, and lost on details, not by getting dominated. Chris Carr fumbled the opening kickoff after fielding it halfway into the end zone. I don't understand why special teams coaches allow players to take kicks out from more than a yard or two deep. It's much more likely that something will go wrong — a turnover, a penalty, or not making it back to the 20 — than that the returner will make a big play. I've never seen a hold or a block in the back called on a touchback. Speaking of the coaches, more creative plays are called for on fourth-and-short.

7. Minnesota Vikings [9] — Sidney Rice impressed me on Monday night. Rice caught 5 passes for 70 yards and a touchdown, but he also recovered both of Green Bay's onside kicks. Either of those goes the other way, and that game might have a different ending. Clutch performance from a good young receiver. Let's also give some credit to Ray Edwards and Brian Robison. You didn't hear much about them while the announcers were busy gushing over Jared Allen, but those guys generated a lot of the pressure that forced Aaron Rodgers into sacks. Allen had a terrific game, of course, but you don't have that kind of performance without a little help from your friends.

8. Atlanta Falcons [8] — Last season, Michael Turner led the NFL in rushing attempts (376). He averaged 106 rushing yards per game and 4.5 per carry. This season, he's at 75 and 3.5, respectively. Turner got too many touches last year, and this year, he's paying the price. The Curse of 370 can be taken too literally, but heavy workload ruins a running back. This decade, an RB has surpassed 350 carries 20 times. Of the top five, two got hurt the next season, one retired, one averaged 3.0 yds/att, and one went to jail. Of the next five (6-10), two got hurt, one did okay, one did great (LaDainian Tomlinson in 2003), and one is Turner. It's only been three games, but so far Turner looks more like Eddie George or Larry Johnson than L.T.

9. Denver Broncos [12] — Defense is great, but the offense could be a problem. Denver ranks 18th in scoring, despite help from the defense (good field position) and an easy schedule (no opponents among the top half of the league in total defense). Kyle Orton had good stats against Dallas (243 yards, 2 TD, 117.5 rating) and still hasn't thrown an interception this year, but his accuracy looked decidedly sub-par, especially on longer throws. I don't know if they'll be able to score against good defenses.

10. Chicago Bears [10] — No offensive woes are so severe that a game against the Lions can't solve them. Chicago finally got its running game going this week, with Matt Forte rushing for almost as many yards (121) as he did in the previous three games combined (150). Jay Cutler had an efficient game, as well (2 TDs, no interceptions), and the injury that sidelined Devin Hester apparently is not serious.

11. Philadelphia Eagles [11] — Not only did the bye come at a good time, but the upcoming schedule looks pretty tame, with matchups against 0-4 Tampa Bay, 1-3 Oakland, and 2-2 Washington. It doesn't take a lot of imagination to envision the Eagles at 5-1 when they host the Giants in Week 8.

12. San Francisco 49ers [17] — In a game with little offensive yardage from either team (a combined total of 405), San Francisco's defense controlled the game and the offense did what it had to. The Niners' defense tallied five sacks (in only 31 dropbacks) and two defensive touchdowns, led by MLB Patrick Willis (2.5 sacks, interception return for a TD). Quarterback Shaun Hill wasn't asked to do much, but he played mistake-free and threw a pair of touchdown passes. Hill's passer rating this season is 93.3.

13. Cincinnati Bengals [13] — The obvious problem this week was special teams, with Cleveland DT Shaun Rogers blocking not one but two Shayne Graham kicks. The Bengals also had issues with run defense, giving up 121 rushing yards to Browns backup Jerome Harrison. A lot of fans are still questioning whether Cincinnati is for real, especially after the Browns took them to overtime. Week 5 sees the Bengals travel to Baltimore with first place in the AFC North on the line. If Cincy wins that one, I think there will be plenty of believers.

14. Dallas Cowboys [7] — Perhaps this is too steep a drop for a team that lost a close game to a good opponent, on the road. I just don't see what makes them an elite team. They're a terrific rushing team, averaging a preposterous 6.0 yards per attempt, but they have no weapons in the receiving game and the defense is inconsistent. Dallas has beaten two teams that are a combined 0-7 this season, and lost to two teams that are a combined 8-0. Near the middle of the rankings seems appropriate for now.

15. Pittsburgh Steelers [16] — Survived another week. The offensive line was awesome on Sunday night, pushing the Charger defense all over the field. Ben Roethlisberger made good decisions and Rashard Mendenhall finally showcased the ability that made him a first-round draft pick in 2008. But Pittsburgh's defense looked miserable throughout the second half. Antonio Gates moved the chains at will, and apart from a meaningless last-minute sack/fumble, the Steelers forced no turnovers and their only sacks resulted from Philip Rivers' unwillingness to throw the ball away. The offense looked great, but I don't know if this defense can stop anyone — including Detroit next week.

16. Green Bay Packers [14] — Yardage notwithstanding, Aaron Rodgers did not play well on Monday night. He was sacked eight times, and most of them were his fault. Rodgers didn't get great protection from his blockers, but he needs to start throwing the ball away. Injuries to the offensive line and defensive backfield have become a real problem, most notably those of LT Chad Clifton and safety Atari Bigby. The transition to a 3-4 defense is still a little rocky. Green Bay generated absolutely no pass rush on Monday night — forget sacks, there wasn't even any pressure — and the move to linebacker seems to have neutered Aaron Kampman. He had 37 sacks the last three years, and he only has one so far this season.

17. San Diego Chargers [15] — The absence of Jamal Williams (who is on IR) spotlights his value to the team. Their front seven was humiliated by Pittsburgh's offensive line. Aided by San Diego's ongoing pass rush drought, Roethlisberger passed for 333 yards, with Hines Ward and Heath Miller grabbing 8 catches each. Ward repeatedly found the hole in San Diego's defensive zones, and the Chargers didn't seem to have anyone who could cover Miller. Their difficulties running the ball (31st in rush yards per game) have become a serious problem.

18. Arizona Cardinals [19] — During their great playoff run last season, the Cardinals were +9 in turnovers. So far this year, they're -2. I think that is fully adequate to explain their 1-2 record, but there's also an obvious problem on offense. Tim Hightower leads the team in receptions. Not Larry Fitzgerald, not Anquan Boldin, not even Steve Breaston. This team has explosive playmakers in the receiving game, and it needs to put the ball in the hands of those playmakers.

19. Jacksonville Jaguars [23] — Smart offensive game plan this weekend. The Jaguars have been successful this season running the ball with Maurice Jones-Drew, while David Garrard and his receiving corps have struggled. But facing Tennessee, with its great run-stopping and vulnerable pass defense, the Jags aired it out. Garrard threw for 323 yards, 3 TDs, and a 126.3 passer rating, with Mike Sims-Walker grabbing 7 catches for 91 yards and 2 TDs. This team has lacked weapons in the receiving game ever since Jimmy Smith retired, but Sims-Walker and Torry Holt may bring them back to respectability.

20. Houston Texans [20] — Clobbered the Raiders. They also took candy from a baby, solved the Monday crossword, and beat the computer on Beginner. Victories over the lowly Raiders and the winless Titans aren't terribly impressive, and this team has serious problems on defense and in the running game. Steve Slaton finally broke a couple of long ones on Sunday, but on most of the others, he got stuffed. Other than his 32-yard TD dash, Slaton carried 20 times for 33 yards. You need consistent 3- and 4-yard rushes to keep the chains moving.

21. Tennessee Titans [18] — At 0-4, they've already lost more games this year than they did all of last season (13-3). The reason is pass defense. In 2008, the Titans ranked 9th against the pass and allowed a passer rating of just 69.2. Right now, they're tied for last in pass defense and opposing passers have a collective rating of 107.1. Kerry Collins has struggled, too. He has already thrown almost as many interceptions (6) as he did all of last season (7).

22. Miami Dolphins [25] — Lead the NFL in rushing yards, second-to-last in passing. How do you not put eight or nine in the box to stop the run? Do defensive coordinators understand something I don't about the likelihood of Ronnie Brown passing from the Wildcat? The Dolphins are making the most of what they have, but they don't have much.

23. Seattle Seahawks [21] — Whose bright idea was it, facing a team whose only obvious weakness is run defense, to carry the ball 15 times and pass 53? That is a criminally stupid gameplan, no matter how much you're losing by or how many defenders are in the box.

24. Carolina Panthers [24] — The Panthers are 0-3, but they've lost to three good teams. I'm probably underrating them. On the other hand, they didn't just lose, they got blown out. Carolina is one of only five teams to be outscored by at least 50 points this season. The others are Detroit, Tampa, Cleveland, and St. Louis. Until they separate themselves from that kind of company, the Panthers are staying in this part of the rankings.

25. Buffalo Bills [22] — Trent Edwards has been sacked 16 times this season, second-most in the league. In his first two games, Edwards passed for 442 yards with 6 sacks and a 104.9 passer rating. In the last two, he has 348 yards, 10 sacks, and a 50.4 rating. Edwards needs to make better decisions and stay calm under pressure, but he also needs more help from his blockers and receivers. For that matter, a little run-stopping from the defense could help take some pressure off, too. There are a lot of problems here.

26. Detroit Lions [26] — How many times has this happened in the last year? The Lions were competitive early, leading 14-7 after the first quarter and tied at halftime. In the second half, they were outscored 27-3.

27. Washington Redskins [27] — Ranked ahead of both teams they've beaten: the 0-4 Buccaneers and the 0-4 Rams. You don't see many 2-2 teams as unimpressive as this. Quarterback Jason Campbell made one absolutely perfect throw, a beautiful 59-yard TD pass to Santana Moss, but otherwise looked awful. Campbell has good players around him, Pro Bowlers like Clinton Portis and Chris Cooley and Moss. Washington needs more production from its quarterback. Rookie linebacker Brian Orakpo had his first really good game as a pro (7 tackles and a sack) this weekend.

28. Cleveland Browns [32] — In this part of the rankings, making it to overtime is a major accomplishment. It seems like the QB switch from Brady Quinn to Derek Anderson will help at least a little. Frank Caliendo doesn't think it's going to make much difference: "That's like changing the mid-flight snack on the Hindenburg."

29. Oakland Raiders [28] — Opponents have scored twice as many points as them this season, so there are obviously multiple problems. Let's focus on the most obvious one: JaMarcus Russell cannot play quarterback in the NFL right now. Maybe he'll be able to one day, but right now he is a disaster. Kerry Collins and Jake Delhomme think Russell's play has been embarrassing. Russell is last in the NFL in completion percentage (39.8%), yards per attempt (4.7), touchdown percentage (0.9%), and passer rating (42.4). His interception percentage (3.7%) is bad, but not the worst. Which is like saying the mid-flight snack on the Hindenburg needed a little salt.

30. Tampa Bay Buccaneers [29] — Byron Leftwich is from Washington, DC. I feel bad for him, getting benched the week his new team came to his hometown. These things matter to players, especially because Josh Johnson didn't exactly light things up in Leftwich's place. A coach can get away with that if he's a ruthless Bill Belichick-style winner, but not if he's an unproven, winless, rookie HC who fired his offensive coordinator a week before the season.

Aqib Talib intercepted Campbell 3 times this week. Three-interception games aren't terribly uncommon — there are usually a couple per season — but Talib is the first player to intercept three passes in a loss since 1992, when Eugene Robinson did it for Seattle. That's how bad the Bucs are. There were 46 three-pick games in between, and all of them led to wins. Tanard Jackson's suspension ends next week, so perhaps that will help.

31. Kansas City Chiefs [30] — Converted only two of 15 third downs against the Giants, mostly because Matt Cassel kept getting sacked. Part of that is on Cassel — he took a lot of sacks last year in New England, too — but some of it is on Kansas City's line. Other than a three-point home loss to Oakland, all of the Chiefs' losses have come by double-digits.

32. St. Louis Rams [31] — I imagine it's frustrating to be Steven Jackson. He consistently plays well against opponents who know they have to stop the run, and he's tied for fourth in rushing yards. Despite Jackson's production, the Rams rank 30th in yardage and last in scoring, with a truly amazing 6.0 ppg. This season, St. Louis is losing by an average score of 27-6, without playing a particularly difficult schedule.

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Posted by Brad Oremland at 11:56 AM | Comments (0)

October 5, 2009

Why the Phillies Will Not Repeat

Last year, the Phillies cruised to their second World Series championship, allowing only three losses all postseason. But why should history repeat itself? The strengths that carried Philadelphia to win a championship last season have shown signs of rust this season and the parts that were lacking are, well, still lacking.

In 2008, Phillies' bullpen was its saving grace. During last year's World Series run, closer Brad Lidge never squandered an opportunity for his team, collecting an astounding 41 saves in 41 opportunities. But this year, Lidge could not carry the load by himself, collecting only 31 saves in 42 opportunities. Manager Charlie Manuel has had to turn to Ryan Madson, but he has shown himself to be unpredictable, as well, collecting 10 saves in 16 opportunities. The bullpen, while still good enough to win a few games, is not where it was last season.

The starters for Philadelphia have not shown any improvement as a group. Last year's starters — Cole Hamels, Jamie Moyer, Brett Myers, and Kyle Kendrick — combined for a record of 51-39. This year, the four starters — Hamels, Moyer, Joe Blanton, and J.A. Happ — have collected only 44 wins as a result of a weaker bullpen.

Offensively, of the seven players to collect at least 400 at-bats in 2008 for the Phillies, six returned to the team with only outfielder Pat Burrell going to the Tampa Bay Rays. All six of those players have at least 400 at-bats again this season, but only one has improved his batting average.

No one on the team is batting .300 and no one has an on-base percentage of .400. In fact, with a collective .258 batting average, the only AL team they could beat in a World Series matchup would be the lowly Chicago White Sox.

In terms of schedule, the Phillies will easily close the door on their first opponent, the Colorado Rockies. But what will they do when they have to face the winner of the Dodgers/Cardinals series? St. Louis may be a one-man show with Albert Pujols as the NL leader in runs, but the Dodgers have six players — Matt Kemp, Andre Ethier, Rafael Furcal, Casey Blake, Orlando Hudson, and James Loney — in the top 40 of the National League.

Let's say the Phillies do make it past the Rockies and the winner of the Dodgers/Cardinals series. They will have to face the winner of what will most likely be a New York/Boston ALCS. Of the top 20 RBI hitters in the AL, the Yankees have four of them and the Red Sox have four of them. The Yankees also have two players — Derek Jeter and Alex Rodriguez — with at least a .400 on-base percentage. The Red Sox have two, as well, in Kevin Youkilis and J.D. Drew.

The Phillies have done well. Their 93 wins is impressive. They will beat the Rockies in four. But there's no way that a Phillies team with two — Ryan Howard and Jayson Werth — who are No. 2 and No. 5, respectively, in strikeouts will get past that kind of gauntlet. Not even the Washington Nationals have two guys in the top 20 in terms of strikeouts.

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Posted by Ryan Day at 12:19 PM | Comments (1)

82 Things to Watch For This NBA Season (Pt. 1)

It's baaack.

It's been three and a half months since black sheep of the Buss family presented Kobe and the Lakers with the Larry O'Brien trophy in Orlando.

As of last week, that officially became known as "last season" as teams all around the league opened training camp and preseason NBA basketball got under way.

Unlike last summer when basketball fans had the Olympics to serve as an awesome little bridge between NBA seasons, there was no meaningful hoops to watch this offseason. Instead, diehard NBA fans had to focus on the off-the-court aspect of the game to get their fix while most of the players got some well deserved R&R.

Luckily, there were plenty of off-the-court aspects to speak of this summer to keep the NBA fresh on our minds.

There was the Ricky Rubio saga. There was the lockout of the referees. There was the free agency period, and what a hectic few months that was.

Remember during the NBA season last year when all of the focus was on the free agent class of 2010? Well, somewhere between the "Will LeBron play for the Knicks?" articles that were written, the media forgot to tell us that the summer of 2009 was going to be one of the busiest free agency periods of all-time.

Well, free agency is over now, basketball is beginning, and it's time to sort it all out.

Today, I kick off my four-part NBA season preview "82 Things to Watch For This NBA Season," which will appear right here at Sports Central every Monday between now and the start of the NBA Season on October 27th.

In the preview, I'll make some bold predictions and break down where every team stands heading into the upcoming NBA season.

But first, today in part one we'll start the countdown with a much-needed recap of who went where this offseason, and what it could potentially mean for their new teams.

Let the preview begin...

82. Shaquille O'Neal, Cleveland Cavaliers

In an offseason that featured dozens of transactions, none made bigger waves than Shaq teaming up with LeBron in Cleveland. LeBron now has a legit number two playing alongside of him, even if Shaq is well past his prime.

Shaq may have the championship experience that Cleveland lacks, but he doesn't come without baggage. He can't stay out of the spotlight for more than a few weeks at a time (i.e. his show "Shaq Vs."). Will Shaq be able to accept his role as the definite second fiddle to LeBron?

My guess is "no", and I'll even take it a step further and make my first bold prediction of the countdown. Shaq will put LeBron in an uncomfortable position the week before Christmas, when, in an interview to promote the Cavs/Lakers game on Christmas Day, Shaq will say that LeBron is the best player he's ever played with (which also counts as his annual insult to Kobe Bryant), and LeBron will have to tip-toe around calling himself better than Kobe in an attempt to be politically correct.

Then in March, right around when Shaq comes back from another one of his annual traditions, a "spring break" of sorts where he nurses various injuries, he'll complain about not getting enough touches and have the Cavs good and divided heading into the Playoffs.

I don't know what Shaq is calling himself yet now that he's in Cleveland, but I'm going with "The Big Predictable" until he proves me otherwise.

81. Ron Artest, Los Angeles Lakers

As a Laker fan, let me just come out and say I am not happy with the Artest/Ariza swap. Trevor Ariza knew his role, accepted it, and fit like a glove in the system the Lakers run.

Now the Lakers bring in the most volatile player in the NBA, that's a slight upgrade talent-wise at best over Ariza, into a media market that's going to poke the bear for as long as it takes to make Artest say or do something crazy, and expect it to work out.

Best case scenario is that Artest is so focused on winning his first title that he behaves himself through June and helps the Lakers win another title, then self-destructs and wastes four of the five years that the Lakers signed him to.

Worst case scenario is that he self destructs by New Year's Day. Either way, the window is extremely small on maximizing Ron Artest in L.A., and it's a guarantee that it doesn't end well.

80. Trevor Ariza, Houston Rockets

Speaking of Ariza, what the hell was he thinking? He left the defending champs, his hometown team, and the first team to give him a real opportunity to be a star in the NBA to go to Houston ... for the same amount of money!

Now Yao's out, Tracy McGrady's out, and all the sudden, Houston looks like a 20-win team. Enjoy the lottery selection show for the next few years, Trevor. It'll be the only time we'll see you on national TV in May for the foreseeable future.

That's what you get for letting your agent do all the talking in negotiations.

79. Richard Jefferson, San Antonio Spurs
78. Antonio McDyess, San Antonio Spurs

As usual, I love what the Spurs did with these moves. They took a player in Jefferson who underachieved last season because he was asked to do too much in Milwaukee, brought him in as the fourth option, and gave up next to nothing to get him.

Then they added one of the true pure rebounders in the game in McDyess to help Duncan burden some of the load inside.

The Spurs sent a clear message to their fans this offseason: we're a milking every last season we can get from Tim Duncan. They could have waited around for Manu Ginobili's contract to expire and triad to be a player in free agency in 2010, but decided that it was silly to waste one of the precious few seasons the greatest power forward of all-time has left of his prime, and went all in with Jefferson and McDyess.

If they mesh well, if they stay healthy, and if they get a favorable draw in the playoffs, the Spurs are a real threat to win the West. That's a lot of "ifs" needed for San Antonio to win the title, but if they didn't make any moves this offseason, there was only one "if" concerning their 2010 title hopes: if hell freezes over.

77. Ben Gordon, Detroit Pistons
76. Charlie Villanueva, Detroit Pistons
75. Ben Wallace, Detroit Pistons

Ladies and gentlemen, meet your new-look Pistons!

A quick recap of the last 12 months in Detroit: Joe Dumars traded Chauncey Billups, one of the best leaders and winners in the game today, for Allen Iverson, the exact opposite of the Billups description, and it blew up in his face.

Then, when the clock struck midnight for free agency to begin, Dumars gave out $94 million and tied up salary cap space for the next five seasons on two players (Gordon and Villanueva) that will never be all-stars.

Oh, and the economy sucks extra bad in Detroit, so he brought Ben Wallace back to sell tickets because his near $100 million investments in Gordon and Villanueva weren't cutting it.

The sad part is, the East is so weak that the Pistons will probably squeak in the playoffs, and somehow Dumars will come out of this smelling like roses.

74. Allen Iverson, Memphis Grizzlies

If you have a chance, do yourself a favor and read Scoop Jackson's interview with Iverson that he did last week. It's long, but fascinating.

Not only does Iverson refer to himself literally dozens of times in the third person, but he actually tries to convince Scoop (or maybe himself?) that Memphis is where he wants to be.

Right. You stayed on the market months longer than every other player, took a 75% decrease in pay and landed with a team that's never won anything and this is where you want to play?

73. Zach Randolph, Memphis Grizzlies

But at least A.I. is surrounded by positive people. I have two thoughts on Memphis heading into the 2009-10 season.

First, has there ever been as big a discrepancy between how good a team is on a video game and how good they are in real life? I mean think about it. Iverson, Randolph, Rudy Gay, O.J. Mayo, Hasheem Thabeet. Those guys are all going to be solid players on NBA 2K10, but it'd be a miracle if this is a 30-win team.

And secondly, how is Memphis going to handle the entourage situation this season? You've got Iverson, Randolph, and Mayo, who I would assume all travel 20 deep at all times. Are they going to assign each entourage a corner of the court so as not to cause ruckus by interacting with one another? Are they going to group them together and sit them across from the main sideline camera to make it look like there are more people going to Grizzlies games this year? These are thing I need to know.

72. Vince Carter, Orlando Magic
71. Hedo Turkoglu, Toronto Raptors
70. Andre Miller, Portland Trail Blazers

I group these three players together, in that order, because they directly influenced the destination of one another.

When Vince was traded to Orlando, there was no way they were going to re-sign Turkoglu. When Turkoglu backed out on Portland at the 11th hour to play in Toronto, it left Portland with the cap space to sign Miller.

I actually like all three acquisitions for their respective teams. Orlando, like San Antonio, made a big "win now" gamble with Carter. With his salary, the team has little to no flexibility for the near future, but they have a very solid core in place. Adding Carter and a healthy Jameer Nelson to a team that already made the NBA Finals makes this team very dangerous on paper, and in my opinion, an elite team.

Toronto, by adding Turkoglu, made one last ditch effort to keep Chris Bosh this offseason by proving to him that they are committed to winning. It might not be enough to keep him away from a big market next summer, but at least they're trying.

And Portland, by adding Miller, can ease the load off Brandon Roy throughout the regular season. Roy needed to have the ball on every possession for the Blazers to have any success on offense last season. In Miller, the Blazers have a legit playmaker who can distribute the ball to the other players and allow Roy to still do what he does playing off the ball.

Usually a domino effect like this has a negative effect on either the teams involved, the players involved, or both. This could be the first example of a win-win-win-win-win-win situation in NBA history.

70. Rasheed Wallace, Boston Celtics

Basically, just re-read the Ron Artest portion. 'Sheed has worn out his welcome everywhere he's gone, but the fact is when he wants to play, he's a great player.

He'll buy into the intensity and team concept that Boston has going on for right now, but if the C's don't win immediately, expect to see a lot of three-point-line-to-three-point-line play from him as 'Sheed collects a check for the final year of his two-year contract.

69. Tyson Chandler, Charlotte Bobcats
68. Emeka Okafor, New Orleans Hornets

This is one of the more bizarre one-for-one deals in recent memory. I'm not sure who even benefits from this situation.

New Orleans was trying so hard to unload Chandler last season for financial reasons, but instead took on more money to acquire Okafor.

Charlotte finally sniffed the postseason for the first time in team history last year, then traded away one of its key pieces for a player that clearly is cloaked in red flags in Chandler. I mean, if he's healthy, why would New Orleans be so eager to trade him?

It doesn't make much sense now, but we'll let it play out first. Maybe I'm wrong and I don't know as much about these players as I think, but I just don't get why this trade happened. We'll see.

67. Shawn Marion, Dallas Mavericks
66. Drew Gooden, Dallas Mavericks

Mark Cuban at his best here. What's more important, a big name or a good fit? 90% of GMs around the league would go with the player that's a good fit. Cuban, as you would expect, went with the big name in Shawn Marion.

I'm not sure that he's a total mistake, Marion definitely has carved out a niche in the league as a good defender and someone who can hurt you in transition, but isn't that what Josh Howard is for?

Meanwhile, the Mavs didn't address their main issue, an inside presence. They tried to add Marcin Gortat, but when Orlando matched their offer, they went the curious route by bringing in another undersized big man to fill the Brandon Bass role in Drew Gooden.

Didn't they pay attention to the last two seasons when that didn't work?

65. Blake Griffin, Los Angeles Clippers

Not technically a free agent or trade acquisition, but a big pick up nonetheless for the Little Brother of L.A. hoops.

I'm not sure which way I'm leaning on this one. On the one hand, expectations are always high for a number one pick. On the other hand, he's going to the Clippers where expectations couldn't be any lower.

Like last year, the Clips look good on paper, and if Griffin turns out to be the real deal they could have a nice little inside-out game with he and Baron Davis.

But like every year, they are the Clippers, they'll find a way to screw this up. Stay tuned.

64. Darko Milicic, New York Knicks

Let's throw him on this list just for kicks. It should be fun to watch him huff and puff his way up and down the floor in Mike D'Antoni's run-and-gun style of play.

It'll be a good experience for Darko, one that he should be able to call back on two years from now when he's back playing in Europe.

Be sure to check back at Sports Central next Monday when Scott Shepherd continues his countdown of the 82 "Things to Watch For This Season" with his bold predictions for the end of season awards.

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Posted by Scott Shepherd at 11:12 AM | Comments (0)

October 2, 2009

SC's NBA All-Decade Team (Pt. 3)

Also see: SC's NBA All-Decade Team (Pt. 1) | (Pt.2)

It's time to close the book on the decade that was the 2000s in the NBA.

All week, we've been unveiling SC's NBA All-Decade Team, and today we finally get down to it: the best of the best.

It wasn't easy to narrow the list down to just five players to name to the first team. Eight different players won the MVP award in the 2000s, the most of any decade, so clearly there were plenty of suitable options.

And while there are plenty of players on the Second and Third Team that can make strong cases for themselves to be on All-Decade First Team, the following five players amassed resumes over the past decade that simply could not be ignored.

Without further ado, it's the NBA All-Decade First Team.

First Team

G Jason Kidd

As I mentioned earlier, eight different players won the MVP award last decade. Jason Kidd was not one of them.

But he accomplished just about everything else.

Kidd played in seven all-star games, was All-NBA five times (four first team, one second), was named to the All-Defensive Team eight times (three first team, five second team), accumulated more assists than any other player over the course of the decade, and had the second most steals.

One of the most complete packages to ever play the point guard position, Kidd could beat you in any number of ways. His 77 triple-doubles were the most any player had in the 2000s, and was more than three times as many as second place.

Kidd's leadership was just as strong as his actual play on the court. Though he came short of winning an NBA title, Kidd's teams were constantly in contention. He led his team to the postseason in all 10 seasons, reaching the NBA finals in 2002 and 2003. The only starting point guards to play more postseason games in the decade were Derek Fisher, Tony Parker, and Chauncey Billups.

Kidd's peak may not have been as high as Steve Nash's, but his consistency, longevity, and his overall team success inevitably landed him a spot on the All-Decade First Team.

G Kobe Bryant

Kobe was recently named Sporting News NBA Player of the Decade, and you won't find any arguments from me.

In fact, you won't get much from me on this one at all. His resume speaks for itself.

Ten all-star games, 10 All-NBA teams (seven first team, two second team, one third team), nine All-Defensive teams (seven first team, two second team), two scoring titles, four NBA Titles, one Finals MVP, one NBA MVP, and all that despite being the most polarizing figure in the league.

Kobe provided more drama both on and off the court than any other player in the NBA over the past ten seasons. But love him or hate him, there's no denying that his spot on the All-Decade First Team was a lock.

F LeBron James

LeBron James' decade started a little differently than most players on this list. While the rest of his fellow First Teamers celebrated Y2K by entering the primes of their careers, LeBron was entering high school.

Ten years later, LeBron has already established himself as one of the greatest individual player in NBA history.

He's got the speed of Isiah and the size of Karl Malone. He's got the athleticism of Jordan and the vision of Magic. Whichever hybrid of hall of famers you want to use to describe LeBron is acceptable. You could put the names of every Hall of Fame player in a hat, draw two of them out, and chances are you could make the case that LeBron is somehow a combination of the two.

If LeBron was using the Decade of the 2000s as a springboard to launch his career and establish himself as one best individual players of all time, mission accomplished.

But if LeBron finishes the teens with as many titles as he had in the '00s, he might go down as one of the great underachievers to ever play.

We're a long way from that point, though, and there's no use playing the "what if" game. I have a feeling that there will be some NBA championships on LeBrons 2010's All-Decade resume. And at just 24, you might as well ticket him for the First Team for 2010's First Team, as well.

F Tim Duncan

Mr. Consistency, The Big Fundamentals, or just plain Tim, call him what you'd like, just please don't call him boring.

Anyone that thinks that Tim Duncan is boring obviously doesn't understand the game of basketball.

Over the past decade, Duncan has established himself as the greatest power forward in NBA history.

He played in all 10 all-star games, made all 10 All-NBA teams (seven first team, three second team), all 10 All-Defensive teams (seven first team, three second team), won two MVPs, won three NBA titles, and two Finals MVPs. How is greatness like that boring?

Sure, he wasn't exactly a staple on Plays of the Week, but that makes him far from boring.

Duncan's never led the league in any major statistical category. He's also never finished outside the top 10 in rebounds per game, blocks per game, or player efficiency rating.

He was the only player to average a double-double in each of the ten seasons in the 2000s.

One-time teammates Bruce Bowen and Robert Horry were the only forwards to play in more playoff games than Duncan in the past decade.

With Duncan leading the way, no team won more games over the past decade than the San Antonio Spurs.

There are a lot of words that you can use to describe a resume like that. "Boring" simply isn't one of them.

C Shaquille O'Neal

When his career is over, Shaq may be most remembered for being the NBA's all-time leader in sound bites and self-given nicknames. What he's accomplished on the floor isn't too bad, either.

Like Duncan and Kobe, Shaq made every all-star team in the 2000s. He was on eight All-NBA teams (seven first team, one third) and three All-Defensive teams (all second team).

The self-proclaimed "Most Dominant Ever" lived up to his hyperbolas nickname throughout most of the 2000s. He was a beast on the inside, and led the league in field goal percentage seven times in the 2000s.

His decade started off with an MVP award, a scoring title, three straight NBA titles, three straight Finals MVP awards, and one giant feud with teammate Kobe Bryant.

That feud eventually led to Shaq being traded to the Heat, where two seasons later he delivered on his promise to bring the Larry O'Brien trophy to Miami.

As Shaq prepares to play for his third team in three seasons, his years of being the "Most Dominant Ever" look like they may be a thing of the past. Fans tend to have short memories, and what we see now is just a shell of the Shaq we all knew and love.

But that's what NBA Hardwood Classics are for. Turn on a classic Laker game from 2000 to 2004 and watch the Big Aristotle (as I believe he was calling himself at the time) go to work. It's an absolute thing of beauty.

Shaq's entertainment value would have been the tiebreaker had anyone threatened him for his spot on the First Team, but no one else was even close. Shaq was hands down the easiest choice for any player at any position, and his spot on this list is the perfect way to end SC's NBA All-Decade Team.

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Posted by Scott Shepherd at 11:43 AM | Comments (1)

Is India an Emerging Tennis Force?

India has one of the fastest growing economies on earth and many experts are predicting that the 21st century will be one to remember for the South Asian nation. These experts are referring to the country's potential standing within in the international community, yet India is, once again, making headway in tennis.

When one thinks of Indian sport, one cannot help but think of cricket or field hockey. While relatively popular, tennis has always waned in popularity when compared to other sports. All that changed, even if only for a brief period, last week, when the Indian Davis Cup team touched down on home soil, having secured their place in the 2010 Davis Cup World Group.

The Indian team had beaten South Africa 4-1 and received a heroes welcome back in India. In fact, it was a greeting you would expect to see for a victorious Indian cricket team, but the power of the Davis Cup can't be denied. Unlike any other tennis tournament, the Davis Cup has the ability to unite a country.

Two of the four-strong Indian team are well-known faces. After all, the doubles specialists, Leander Paes and Mahesh Bhupathi, have numerous major titles to their names. For over a decade, the two of them have ensured that Indian tennis remains relevant. Nevertheless, the Indians have lacked talent when it comes to singles.

All of that could be changing. Somdev Devvarman is set to make his mark on men's tennis. The 24-year-old is currently ranked 133rd in the world. Over the last year, he has made steady progress and rose to prominence when he defeated Marin Cilic at the Legg Mason Tennis Classic. Prior to these exploits, he was dominating proceedings whilst at the University of Virginia. During his college playing days, he won the NCAA Singles Championship in two consecutive years.

Devvarman may never challenge the very best, but he is still improving. If he continues on the path he's on, he could well have entered the world's top 50 by this time next year. In which case, the Indian public will have yet another reason to rejoice.

Perhaps the most exciting prospect in Indian tennis is the 17-year-old Yuki Bhambri. As yet, he hasn't represented India in the Davis Cup, but there is very little doubt that it's only a matter of time before he does. The youngster from New Delhi is a world No. 1 junior player, as well as winning the 2009 Australian Open Boy's Singles title. As a result, he has earned a wild card into the 2010 Australian open main draw.

It's hard to gauge just how good the future is going to be for Indian tennis, but the potential is there to create some serious ripples in the men's game. Upon the country's return to the World Group for the first time in 11 years, they will be traveling to Russia. They could've been rewarded with an easier first round tie, but as Israel's remarkable run in this year's Davis Cup proved, anything is possible.

India may well become a superpower on the political scene, but it's also a real possibility that India could soon be amongst tennis' elite.

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Posted by Luke Broadbent at 11:25 AM | Comments (0)

October 1, 2009

Why Kids Need Drugs

Every ambitious 8-year-old youth sports star is looking for that something that will give him an edge over the other kids and make him stand out from the pack. If you are such a kid, your search for the answer has officially ended. I have that advice for you, if you can handle it. To be a star, you have to do drugs. Lots and lots of drugs.

I'm not talking about steroids, either. I'm not familiar with little league rules these days, but I'm assuming they followed Major League Baseball's lead and banned performance enhancers. Besides, I'm not the type of cold-hearted jerk that would suggest an 8-year-old should go on steroids, that could seriously mess him up. The drugs I'm talking about are the hardcore recreational (read: fun) type and rest assured, they are a necessary evil to become a star.

It didn't use to be that way, Josh Hamilton changed everything. Every woman and wussified media-type has completely fallen prey to his "hey I'm really good at sports, but that's not enough to keep me busy, watch me battle all of these personal demons at the same time because I'm so awesome." His relapse in the summer even made him more appealing to the uneducated, as their love for him grew deeper because "hey, we all make mistakes, he's just like us."

No, he's not just like you. He's a millionaire athlete that is extremely good at a sport, but has ruined much of his promise with drugs. If you make a mistake, it's forgetting to bring in the trash can or leaving the roast in the oven too long. When he makes a mistake, it involves things like strippers, whipped cream, body shots, photos of people in various stages of undress. But I guess one thing we can all agree on — Josh Hamilton knows how to party.

Josh Hamilton isn't a great baseball player, but he's pretty good. The thing people miss is that, before the drugs, he was supposed to be great. So, if anything, he's still not even living up to his original hype. The drugs didn't make him better. That doesn't matter, though, because the drugs made his story better. And he's permanently changed the "comeback story" forever.

Now, it's no longer enough to be awe-inspiringly good at something. It's not even enough to come back after a major sports injury and be a star again. You have to battle some sort of personal demon in the process. And you're fooling yourself if you think this isn't going to have a trickle down effect.

When colleges are recruiting kids, what's more appealing? Someone who is good? You can find that anywhere. But someone that has already faced some of the darkest demons he can face and triumphed? Now there's a kid that's ready for the pressures of college.

Long story short, it's no longer enough for Little Johnny to overcome his sucktitude in becoming the most special shortstop in the tri-state area. He now has to overcome a horrific drug problem in the process.

I realize this clears up the timeless question kids have been dealing with for years — what makes you cooler, being a sports star or doing drugs? Now they go hand-in-hand. On the other hand, this may be a discouraging revelation to all you pre-teens out there with hopes of becoming a baseball star. If you're sitting there thinking, "I've always been told not to do drugs, I think I'll try to become a star without them," forget it, you've already proven you're a wuss. You can go ahead and turn in your glove and book a reservation at your younger sister's tea party (you'll be the one wearing the dress). For those of you who are willing to do what it takes to win Mommy and Daddy's love, let's continue.

I understand it won't be easy for to develop a drug addiction, namely because you lack the savvy to find narcotics and the pocket cash to buy them. Because I want to feel like I had a hand in your storybook baseball career, I will help you out here. Go to the medicine cabinet and load up on "adult candy." Take as much as you can in as many colors as you can and stash it in your room. Take three pills a day and before you know it, you will be out of your freaking mind.

Your parents will naturally assume you are too much of a wimp to take drugs, so you will really have to play up your newfound "druggie" attitude. Get yourself some temporary tats and a girlfriend (better if she has cooties, because STDs and drugs work together like cookies and milk) whose at least two grades ahead of you. Say cryptic things to your parents like "I know who you really are" and "how long do you think it would take me to die if I jumped off our roof?" When they ask how your day was, use a lot of "whatever"s and then mention in passing that you think your girlfriend is pregnant.

Your reward will be a two-week vacation in rehab to detox. After that, it's time to get back out on the diamond to rediscover your skillz. At that point, the rest of the story is already written for you. There will be no prouder moment for your parents than when you accept the comeback player of the year award at the end of the season pizza party.

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Posted by Mark Chalifoux at 12:23 PM | Comments (1)

NFL Weekly Predictions: Week 4

Note: the quotes in this article are fictional.

Tampa Bay @ Washington (-7½)

After a dismal performance against the Giants last week, Tampa Bay quarterback Byron Leftwich was demoted to the third-team. It was the first drastic move for the 0-3 Bucs, who managed only 86 total yards in last week's 24-0 loss to the Giants.

"I call that a 'benching,'" says Tampa coach Raheem Morris. "My predecessor, John Gruden, would have called that a 'son of a benching.'"

"But we've got to shake things up here in Tampa, otherwise the owner, Malcolm Glazer, might bring back Gruden. Glazer doesn't take too kindly to a shutout, especially when it's referred to as a 'Glazered doughnut.'"

In Washington, head coach Jim Zorn's job security is tenuous, and he's even fallen victim to a little lingerie humor, the result of a "pink slip" being planted in his office. And, if there was a coaching depth chart in the Redskins organization, Zorn would fall somewhere between "Joe Gibbs" and "Jacques Cousteau."

"Hey, Jacques Cousteau has never been a coach of the 'Skins," says Redskins owner and cash money all-star Daniel Snyder. "Yet. For now, though, Zorn's job is safe. That's the conclusion we, Clinton Portis and myself, came to, since he basically calls the shots in this organization, without fear of repercussions. You know, I hear Clinton is back to wearing those crazy costumes, not for entertainment value, but because he's virtually unrecognizable in those. And let's face it, who, besides Zorn, still wants to acknowledge that they're a Redskin."

Will either of these teams show some life anytime soon? It would be perfectly fitting if this game ended in a scoreless tie, and even more fitting if both teams were sucked into a black hole afterwards.

Washington wins, 20-10.

Baltimore @ New England (-3)

What would Paul Revere have said were he around to herald the arrival of the 3-0 Ravens to Foxboro?

"Well," says Ray Lewis, "I'm sure after ducking gunfire from Tom Brady's entourage, Revere would have relayed the message that 'The brutish are coming! The brutish are coming! Then Paul would probably hand-deliver some bootleg daguerreotypes of a Ravens practice."

"Now, I relish the chance to stare across the line at Brady, gaze into his eyes, and try to enter the mind of a quarterback and see what he sees, particularly in his bedroom."

"Actually, I'd much rather enter the mind of a cornerback, like the Pats Jonathan Wilhite. This guy said two suspicious people were outside his home. One yelled at him, and Wilhite ran! Has he not read the NFL cornerback handbook? In that situation, you should wave your weapon in the air. Firing it is optional, but recommended. Then you should go to a strip club to calm your nerves. On top of all this, he injured his groin running from the suspicious people. So, instead of pulling a 'jammy,' he pulled a 'hammy.'"

The Patriots are back on track after a 26-10 win over the Falcons, as the New England running game clicked to the tune of 168 yards. Against the Ravens and their No. 1-ranked rushing defense, however, the Pats may have to rely more on the passing of Tom Brady.

"We've diagnosed some weaknesses in the Ravens defense," says Brady, "through video study, of course. And we plan on taking advantage of those. Some call Bill Belichick a genius; I call him an auteur, a true master of exploitation films."

"We know the Ravens will come after us. They aren't lacking in confidence, and, on top of that, they've got wings, for added reassurance."

The Ravens will have no trouble stopping the Patriot rushing attack, especially since New England won't bother trying to run. The Baltimore rush defense is so good, the Patriots will have no choice but to throw. And they'll be successful. But so will the Ravens offense, passing, and running. Barring an early snowstorm, this won't be a defensive struggle.

New England wins, 27-23.

Detroit @ Chicago (-11)

The Lions ended their 19-game losing streak, vanquishing the Redskins 19-14 in front of an appreciative, yet sparse, Ford Field crowd last Sunday. Rookie Matthew Stafford led the way with a mistake-free game, a feat he'll need to duplicate in the Lions have any chance in Chicago.

"The 'Lions Den' became a 'Lions Din,'" says Stafford. "I'm glad to do my part to end this losing streak. I'm a pretty straight-laced, by-the-book fellow, so it was nice to get the chance to 'break bad' for once."

After an opening week loss to the Packers, the Bears are 2-0 after a 25-19 win in Seattle, and Jay Cutler seems to have settled in to his role as the leader of the Bears. After his dismal 4 interceptions against Green Bay, Cutler has thrown 6 touchdowns in their two wins.

"Hey, I can't take all the credit," says Cutler. "A lot of it goes to the oppositions' field goal kickers, who have each missed two field goals in our two wins. I'm not one to drop names, unless it's Ed Hochuli's, but I'll go ahead and tell you it was Jeff Reed and Olindo Mare. So, if you're asking, our 2-1 record isn't based on solid 'footing.'"

Sure, the Lions finally have a win under their belt, but is the momentum from that lone victory enough to carry them to another, over the Bears, at Soldier Field? Losing streaks were made to be broken; so were winning streaks.

Cutler throws for two scores, and Matt Forte rushes for 126 yards.

Bears win, 30-16.

Cincinnati @ Cleveland (+4)

The Bengals finally ended Pittsburgh's eight-game winning streak in Cincinnati, knocking off the defending Super Bowl champs, 23-20, on Carson Palmer's four-yard strike to Andre Caldwell with 14 seconds left.

"Individually, we've all been able to say we're AFC North 'players,'" says Chad Ochocinco. "Now, after beating Pittsburgh and going to 2-1, we can collectively say that we're AFC North 'players.'"

"And we can build on this win with a victory at Cleveland Stadium, where I can revisit my 2007 leap into the Dawg Pound. You know, I believe I'm the only opposing player to accomplish both the 'Lambeau Leap' and the 'Dawg Pound Leap.' And, just as I paid some Bengals fans to sit in the stands at Lambeau, I've commissioned Metallica to remake their 1986 hit 'Leaper Messiah' in my honor. Of course, that's news to them, and I'm pretty sure I'll have to introduce myself to them, and show ID."

Cleveland's Eric Mangini is faced with a tough decision of choosing a quarterback between Brady Quinn and Derek Anderson. Both played miserably in last week's 34-3 loss in Baltimore.

"You know," says Mangini, "the decision may simply come down to a coin flip. That's assuming I can find a three-sided coin."

Ochocinco pulls some more strings, scoring some end zone seats for some Bengals fans, and puts in a good word for Quinn via Twitter, posting that Mangini should "Quinn and bear it." Cedric Benson, who is imminently more suited to life behind the Cincy offensive line than the wheel of a car or boat, rushes for 98 yards and a touchdown. Ochocinco scores in the third quarter, then jumps for joy, landing in the lap of Joy, a Bengals fan from Akron, Ohio, enjoying the game on Ochocinco's dime.

Bengals win, 27-13.

Oakland @ Houston (-9½)

Why is Oakland's JaMarcus Russell such an inaccurate quarterback? Well, if you ask Raider passing coordinator Ted Tollner, it's because Russell, instead of going through his progressions in the passing game, goes through regressions.

"JaMarcus has trouble applying to games what he shows in practice," says Tollner. "Like talent. So, if I had to give him a grade, it would definitely be an 'incomplete.' If JaMarcus threw a pass from the sporting goods section, he still couldn't hit Target. So what if he can throw the ball 70 yards. He's still a loose cannon."

While passing woes personify the Raiders, rushing issues plague the Texans. Houston is last in the league in rushing defense, giving up 204 yards per game.

"No matter how bad our run defense might be," says Gary Kubiak, "I'm not about to go off and punch my defensive coordinator. I might fire him, though. Anyway, it's funny how the Raiders fortunes have changed. John Madden and Tom Flores were nice enough guys, but they coached a fair share of thugs. Now, the Oakland players are a well-behaved bunch, but now the coach is the thug. And he's a dead ringer for 'The Thing' of Fantastic Four fame."

The Texans pathetic rush defense plays right into the Raiders hands — Russell won't even need to pass. But Matt Schaub will, and the Texans air game will outdo the Raiders ground attack.

Houston wins, 27-22.

Tennessee @ Jacksonville (+1)

If you would have told Tennessee's Jeff Fisher that the Titans would be winless after three games, you likely would have been met with a blank stare and an uncomfortable silence, similar to Vince Young's reaction to a Wonderlic question, or the reaction to a Bruce Pearl off-color joke.

Conversely, if you would have told Jack Del Rio that he Jags would be 1-2 after three games, he probably would have responded with either "I'll take it!" or "Who's their new coach?"

"Hey, you've heard of game-saving tackles before," says Del Rio. "Well, this was a job-saving win. And I've got Maurice Jones-Drew to thank for it. I've got no problem resting my fate on the massive thighs of MJD. The Titans may have the 'Smash and Dash' duo, but all I need is 'The Dash.' Heck, I'm thinking of changing my name to Jack Del Rio."

Speaking of "Smash and Dash," Chris Johnson, the "Dash," leads the AFC in rushing, while LenDale White, the "Smash," has logged only 80 yards so far this year.

"Maybe LenDale should have kept that weight on," says Johnson. "He ain't heavy, and he ain't my brother."

Tennessee wins, 21-17.

Seattle @ Indianapolis (-9)

The undefeated Colts welcome the ailing Seahawks to Lucas Oil Stadium, the "House That Lube Built," home of Peyton Manning and the well-oiled Indy offense, which often operates as if at the mercy of a shot clock. Not known for time-consuming, 14-to-18 play drives, the Colts scored 4 touchdowns on the Cardinals last week on drives all of six minutes or less.

"Hey, no one's ever accused me of eating clock," says Manning. "I can't speak for my brother Eli, though."

"Anyway, time of possession is such an overrated statistic. When is a plodding, run-heavy offense really that useful, except for maybe in the playoffs and/or in the snow in New England? I know where all this is headed, though. As soon as we lose a few games, we'll be criticized for the very thing for which we've been praised."

For Seattle's Edgerrin James, Sunday's game will be a homecoming or sorts. James was with the Colts for seven years before leaving for Arizona as a free agent. Now, he's a backup for the Seahawks.

"I wish I could stand here and tell you that I wish I'd never left," says James. "But that would make me sound like Marvin Harrison under police questioning. The truth is, I wish I was still a Colt. Why? Look at this offense. I wouldn't have to do a thing except pick up a blitz every now and then, or run a stretch play for a yard or two. Plus, the stadium's brand new, and they've got a kicker named Adam Nougatieri. That's funny, because when I was here, whenever someone mentioned our kicker's name, all you heard were 'snickers.'"

Colts win, 29-17.

NY Giants @ Kansas City (+9½)

What is the world coming to when Michael Strahan is starring in a sitcom and Lawrence Taylor appears in a Nutrisystem commercial?

"I have no clue," says Eli Manning. "But answer me this. What is the world coming to when L.T. is way funnier!? Man, that guy's losing weight like a crazed dog. And the amazing thing is, L.T.'s losing the weight in increments of pounds instead of grams. I guess he decided his days of 'heavy' partying were over."

"I think the difference in our team from last year is we've rid ourselves of the distractions. But that doesn't mean we still don't like to talk about them. Like Plaxico Burress, for example. He's 'fel-on' hard times. I hear he was taunted unmercifully on the perp walk at Riker's Island. Hey, that's like wearing a Giants jersey to a Jets game. Except there's more Jets fans at a Jets game than Riker's Island. But only slightly."

With 80,000 raucous fans typically on hand, it's never easy for an opponent entering Arrowhead Stadium. However, things become significantly much easier once the Chiefs enter.

New York wins, 30-13.

Buffalo @ Miami (+1)

Uh oh. There's trouble brewing in Buffalo. Terrell Owens went without a catch in the Bills 27-7 loss to New Orleans last week, ending a streak of 185 games with at least one reception. This after a week in which Owens criticized Tony Romo on Twitter, then publicized his intentions to pursue an acting career when done with football.

"Yeah, I know an acting career seems implausible," says Owens, "especially since I have trouble playing myself most days. I'm convinced the media is out to screw me, by taking my words and skewing them to their liking for the sake of the story. I can't understand why they would do that, especially when taking my words and reporting them verbatim makes for a much better story."

Things aren't a whole lot better in Miami. The Dolphins are 0-3, Chad Pennington is out for the season with a shoulder injury, and franchise offensive tackle Jake Long has made the "reverse pancake block" famous.

"Like Jake," says Tony Sparano, "we're on our backs. And, like Jake, things are looking up. We all tested positive — for attitude. I refuse to let this team get down. That's why Bill Parcells isn't allowed to talk to them."

"As Pennington's's replacement, Chad Henne will face a lot of heat from opposing defenses and impatient fans, but that's nothing compared to what he would face should he appear on The Jim Rome Show, where the blustery host will no doubt call him 'Sonja.' How Chad responds to his critics will tell us a lot about him. Will he sit there and take it, or will he turn over a table and go after the diminutive Rome until someone holds him back?"

Who will do more throwing, Trent Edwards (to Owens) or Owens (his arms up in disgust)? That remains to be seen. All that's for sure is the Miami 'wildcat' formation will see a lot of activity, so much so that Ronnie Brown and Ricky Williams will later star in a spot for ABC's Cougar Town.

Brown and Williams combine for 187 total yards and 2 touchdowns. Miami wins, 24-20.

NY Jets @ New Orleans (-6½)

In a battle of undefeated's, the Jets and smack-talking head coach Rex Ryan head to the Big Easy to go after Drew Brees and the Saints high-powered attack. The Jets defense has made life miserable for opposing quarterbacks with a variety of blitzes, and will undoubtedly come after Brees.

"The last thing we want to do is get into a war of words with the Jets and Ryan," says Brees. "Or do we? We all saw what they did to the Patriots after telling them exactly what they were going to do. Hopefully, they'll be just as forthright with us. Obviously, Ryan is a man of his word, as well as a man of great girth. So, baby got backup."

New York's rookie quarterback Mark Sanchez has become somewhat of a cult hero, as has defensive cornerback stalwart Darrelle Revis and Ryan himself.

"Look, I'm happy to sign your jersey, program, Bible, permission slip, left breast, right ventricle, what have you," says Sanchez. "But the real reason for our 3-0 start is our defense, and that starts with Rex Ryan. Ryan's the new defensive genius. Who knows? Ten years from now, he could be coaching the Bengals."

The Jets have come after every quarterback they've faced, and have come out on top. Is there any reason to believe they'll do anything differently against Brees? Will Sean Peyton have a counter for the Jets overload blitzes? Will the Saints make Sanchez play like a rookie? Does Reggie Bush still play for the Saints?

New Orleans wins, 23-20.

St. Louis @ San Francisco (-9½)

The 49ers suffered a gut-wrenching loss in Minneapolis, seeing what looked to be a huge road win slip away in the final seconds as Brett Favre connected with Greg Lewis for the game-winning score. Running back Frank Gore suffered a sprained ankle on his first carry, forcing San Fran to rely on the arm of Shaun Hill.

"That's a tough pill to swallow," says Mike Singletary. "I'm not sure what hurts worse — losing Frank or losing the game. I still feel like we were the better team. We were jammin' there for quite a while, doin' what's right and settin' the style. Then the 'Gunslinger' popped a cap on our celebration. But Favre's done this so many times in his career, it shouldn't be a surprise. The setting may have been different, but the result was the same. He just made the Metrodome become the 'Retro' Dome."

"I have no doubts that we'll be okay in Frank's absence. Tight end Vernon Davis really stepped up, finally showing what we were expecting when he was drafted too high back in 2006. And, as always, the defense was solid with Patrick Willis leading the way. I like to call it our 'What you talking 'bout, Willis? Know what I mean, Vern?' team."

St. Louis is 0-3, but don't tell head coach Steve Spagnuolo that the Rams aren't competitive. They are, in fact, competitive, for the title of worst team in the league. And, with quarterback Marc Bulger injured again, the Rams will have to rely even more heavily on running back Steven Jackson.

"Hee hee will have to carry the load," says Spagnuolo. "That's a little Michael Jackson humor for you."

San Francisco wins, 31-13.

Dallas @ Denver (+3)

The Broncos are the NFL's most unlikely undefeated team, and boast a defense surrendering an average of only 5 points per game. It's not exactly the type of team most people envisioned when offensive guru Josh McDaniels was hired as head coach, but nonetheless has the Mile High City excited about the Broncos again.

"That's right," says McDaniels. "New memberships in the Mile High Club are at an all-time high. Heck, some people are joining in groups of three. Call it the 'McLovin Effect.' I've seriously thinking of joining. You see, becoming an NFL mastermind leaves precious little time for relationships, much less those that take place 5,280 feet above sea level."

"But who's doubting my methods now? Yeah, I sent Jay Cutler packing and got Kyle Orton in return. Fair trade? Maybe not. But like Cutler did as a Bronco, Orton is drawing comparisons to a Bronco quarterback of lore. You've heard of Norris Weese, right?"

The Cowboys finally christened Arlington Stadium with a win, beating the Panthers 21-7 on Monday to go to 2-1 for the year. Terrence Newman sealed the win with a 27-yard interception return for a score, sending 95,000 people home happy, the first time a Dallas defender has done that since Nate Newton's drug empire was in full swing.

"It wasn't pretty," says Tony Romo, "but it was still a win. That's also how you'd describe my romantic breakups."

"But, like the Broncos, we're probably a bit undeserving of our record. Unlike the Broncos, we got rid of our disgruntled wide receiver. Now, the only guy 'trippin'' on this team is Flozell Adams."

Are the Cowboys Bronco "busters?" Or will Denver ride the Cowboys until they're "brokeback?"

Denver wins 24-23 on a Matt Prater 43-yard field goal as time expires.

San Diego @ Pittsburgh (-5)

With apologies to the Detroit Lions, the Steelers are probably the best 1-2 team in the NFL right now, with their record tarnished by two last second losses to the Bears and the Bengals.

"Our goal at this point in the season was to be 3-0," say Mike Tomlin. "Obviously, you could say we've fallen 'short,' of our goals. Or, more fittingly, you could say we've ended up 'wide left' of our goals. You could even say that in search of our goals, we've 'dropped the ball.' Hey, it's not often an NFL coach creates bulletin board material for his own team. But I do. And for some, it's required reading. So Jeff Reed and Limas Sweed, take heed."

The Chargers and Steelers met in the regular season last year, with Pittsburgh taking an 11-10 win, the first time in history a game had ended with that score. Troy Polamalu was robbed of a fumble return touchdown in that game, but he won't get a chance for redemption as he's still out with a knee injury.

"Polamalu's absence will open things up in the secondary," says Norv Turner. "If you've noticed, the Steelers aren't blaming any of their losses on Polamalu's absence. In fact, if you ask anyone in the organization about Troy, you won't get a straight answer. They'll just gush about his hair."

Pittsburgh finally found success on the ground last week. They should fare even better this week against a Chargers unit ranked 26th against the run. San Diego's pass-happy attack will keep them close, but Pittsburgh's balance will be too much.

Steelers win, 31-23.

Green Bay @ Minnesota (-3)

It may be full of cortisone, but there still seems to be some space left in Brett Favre's right arm for a little magic. Last week, Favre's 32-yard laser to the back of the end zone with two seconds left found Greg Lewis, giving the Vikings a 27-24 win over the visiting 49ers. Minnesota is 3-0 and leading the NFC North, with the Packers coming to town.

"Just when you think it's time to call it a day," says Brad Childress, "Favre does something unexpected to keep things lively. How many times has he done that in his career? Actually, a great feeling of unease came over me after that miraculous play. I was seriously worried that Favre might decide to go out while on top and retire right here on the spot."

"But let's be honest. Moments like these are exactly the reason we brought Favre here. It surely wasn't for his flawless mechanics, or fluid delivery. Hey, this is Minnesota. If you're looking for 'fluid delivery,' you give former Viking Onterrio Smith a call and inquire about the 'Whizzinator.'"

The man who replaced Favre in Green Bay, Aaron Rodgers, is looking forward to going head to head with Favre and the Vikings.

"This game's not as personal for me as it is for Brett," says Rodgers. "I can't speak for the rest of the team, though. They seem to be really excited about the game, so much so that they're taking up a collection of money to 'take Brett out.' I'm not positive, but I think the restaurant is called 'Bounty.'"

As the game starts, memories of his time as a Packer wash over an emotional Favre, and the nervousness gets the best of him as his first pass finds a wide open Donald Driver on the sideline. Favre settles, and he and Rodgers duel well into the night.

In the end, Rodgers leads the Pack on the game-winning drive, and Charles Woodson intercepts Favre to preserve the win.

Green Bay wins, 31-27.

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Posted by Jeffrey Boswell at 11:53 AM | Comments (0)