The Blight of David Beckham

I've never been one for conspiracy theories. I'm more of a debunker, a skeptic. I'm a firm believer in the phrase, "Never attribute to malice what can be explained by incompetence," and boy howdy, do I believe in incompetence. It is very, very real.

Still, in the sports world at least, I can't resist giving a little credence to the theories of my own invention. For instance, the 2001 MLB All-Star Game, even going in was a big Cal Ripken, Jr. lovefest, culminating with A-Rod very demonstratively switching positions with Cal to give him shortstop. Ripken had just announced the previous month that he was going to retire at season's end. So when he homered on the first pitch he faced from Chan Ho Park, I thought, "Hmmm ... how do you say "grooved a batting practice fatty" in Korean?

So when Landon Donavan ripped David Beckham to shreds in Grant Wahl's new book (and I mean to tell ya, he went on and on and on) I started to wonder ... the MLS needs publicity. Beckham can still bring the MLS that publicity, but not without a kick-start, especially since his interest in the league and his team is clearly lacking.

So, could this have been a calculated move by Donovan? I wouldn't put it past him, and I mean that as a compliment.

Donovan is not just the greatest field player on Team USA, he is perhaps their greatest field player ever. He is the only American field player who could log quality minutes with a G-14 club (right now, Jozy Altidore, I suspect, will join him on that superlative list very soon).

Instead, a couple of flirts with the German Bundesliga aside, he has stayed in the MLS, even though perhaps the next 20 best American field players are all grinding it out in Europe.

This is not to suggest that Donovan is staying in the MLS out of patriotism, and I've heard rumors that he's just one of those guys who has trouble adjusting long-term to a new language and culture. Everyone has their hangups. He's obviously more comfortable here.

And he obviously cares about the state of U.S. soccer in general and the MLS and L.A. Galaxy in particular. He does "bust his ass," which he accuses Beckham of not doing.

And, again, he's right. America will always be an attractive option for big-time football players approaching the twilight of their careers. Beckham is certainly not the first — yet, somehow, I don't see Beckham ever leading the Home Depot Center crowd in chants of "Love" nor giving his L.A. Galaxy jerseys to anyone except his business manager.

Because Donovan is right. Beckham, if my editor will allow me to say so, doesn't give a shit. Beckham to L.A. was never about bringing soccer to the American masses, or at least not primarily, but about bringing the Beckham brand to a new market.

But like so many other spoiled prima donnas, Beckham got bored quickly — insultingly quickly. Throughout the fall, on loan with AC Milan, Beckham made no bones about his preference for the loan deal to become permanent. To be sure, Italy's Serie A is more appropriate for his skill level than the MLS (although perhaps not for long; Beckham is now just one year younger than Pele was when he joined the New York Cosmos).

I'm sure playing in Serie A reminded him that he was still, for the moment, a top-shelf player, and I'm sure it was more gratifying to be playing there from a gameplay standpoint than it is to think about returning to the slog that is the MLS. Or maybe he just really likes the sopressata in Milan (and sopressata is delicious, but I shouldn't assume just by the name that it's Italian — maybe it's a hybrid cuisine, part English, German, Welsh, Czech, and Cherokee).

But Beckham, simply stated, signed up for this. Like Pele, he could have embraced it, instead of trying to give it up just 30 games in and phoning it in even before that.

So kudos to Landon Donovan. Kudos for not backing off his statements, kudos for creating an environment where Beckham is going to know he won't be let off the hook by his teammates. And please let the next iteration of retired superstar to come to this country in his mid-30s mark a return of the Pele attitude, right around the time a broke and desperate David Beckham turns to 3 AM infomercials to pay off his debts.