The Art of Naming Your Fantasy Team

As soon as July rolls around, and the NBA Finals fade away, the average sports fan starts to focus on their second job: being the general manager of a fantasy football team they call their own. Ever since man could walk, it has been a known fact that drafting running backs early and often is the only way to succeed in fantasy football, and that all other options are destined to fail.

Although, over the past three years, the league has turned to more of a pass-happy style, one still can't go wrong with grabbing a couple of stud backs with their first few draft picks. However, you can grope over all of this nonsense on your own time. I am here to discuss the true importance of the art of fantasy football: naming your team.

In William Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet, Juliet asks "What's in a name?" in an attempt to question the ongoing hate between Capulets and Montagues that prevent them from ever being able to freely love one another. Any high school graduate knows that this question is ultimately answered when both Romeo and Juliet commit suicide at the end of the play, proving that a lot is riding on your name. This is no different in fantasy football.

While I can't guarantee you that having the perfect team name will bring you home a trophy, I can boldly predict that it will take your mind away from the inevitable busts you draft round after round. Take it from me; I had Tom Brady last year. Now while thousands of clever names have most likely been discovered and used all across the country, I have chosen to review for you the 12 team names that are accustomed to my personal fantasy football league.

Double D's

This team claims that Double D's originated from the original owner's names, Drew and Dan, but anytime it is acceptable to use a picture of a top-heavy female as a team logo, you really can't go wrong. Several years after the creation of the team, I proudly joined the Double D's dynasty.

2 Guys 1 Cup

Inspired by the ever so popular, and yes, disgusting, 2 Girls 1 Cup, these two Patriot fans claim to be straight. However, we sit them at their own table, just to be safe

Dude!

Although not the most creative name in the world, Dude does make for some laughs when other league members repeatedly scream "Dude!" after every pick he makes. However, this gets old rather quickly.

Romosexuals

While this common name has been used in the past to poke fun at Tony Romo, this Dallas Cowboy fan sort of embraces the name with his man crush on Romo. When he was drafted one slot before Romosexual's pick last season, this grown man nearly broke into tears.

Yellow Snow

Good use of imagery. Though I am not sure how pissing in snow relates whatsoever to fantasy football, I am a fan of yellow snow.

Unwed Fathers

Anyone who knows this man is already aware that this is an appropriate name that really speaks for itself. My favorite fantasy draft moment of all time was about four years ago when Unwed Fathers asked an ex league member if Jay Fiedler, quarterback for the Dolphins at the time, was still on the board. After receiving an answer of "no, he got taken awhile back," Unwed Fathers proceeded to pick another quarterback. Two picks later, Jay Fiedler was drafted and the ex-league member, who wishes to remain nameless, was on the ground with a black eye. Maybe that's why Unwed Fathers still isn't married.

Real Men of Genius

Inspired by the hilarious Bud Light commercials starting in 2006, Real Men of Genius is an ode to a collection of "unsung heroes" in the world today. "Here's to you, Mr. Hawaiian shirt pattern designer."

Clueless

This team wins the championship every other year. Oh, the irony is killing me.

Men in Tights

These two guys actually come to the draft wearing tights. Talk about being committed to your team.

O.J. PIMPson

This team owner claims he found his team name on Urban Dictionary's website. If you really want to know what it means, I guess you can check it out for yourself.

My Team's Good, Your Team Sucks

I guess this team name kind of speaks for itself. Creative, yet simplistic. Really gets his point across.

Playoffs?

Inspired by Jim Mora's press conference in 2001 after his Colts fell to 4-6 when a reporter questioned the team's chance to make the playoffs. Mora's response was epic to say the least.

Obviously, this batch of team names provides a lot of hits and misses. But, let's have some fun with this; post your personal fantasy football team name below.

Comments and Conversation

August 28, 2009

OMBIR:

Although, over the past three years, the league has turned to more of a pass-happy style, one still can’t go wrong with grabbing a couple of stud backs with their first few draft picks. However, you can grope over all of this nonsense on your own time. I am here to discuss the true importance of the art of fantasy football: naming your team.

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