Each year during Super Bowl time, I like to see if any major American sports confederations dare put up an event against the Super Bowl. Usually, no one will, but occasionally that doesn't hold true.
The official kickoff time is set for 6:18 PM Eastern, and will probably run until about 10PM.
This year, college basketball did the neatest trick in avoiding it. The last game on the docket, Portland State at Montana State, should end right around six, when the Super Bowl is close to kicking off.
The NHL has scheduled one overlapping game: Nashville at Edmonton at 8 PM Eastern. Since the game is in Canada, they kind of get a pass. I do feel sorry for diehard Preds fans without TiVo, who will be forced to make Sophie's Choice at around halftime.
So the most egregious offender this year is the Sacramento Kings, who scheduled their game with the Oklahoma City Thunder for 9 PM Eastern, right when the Super Bowl (potentially) will hit the exciting home stretch. The players, support staff, and fans of the teams must pissed. These teams have a combined record of 20-71, and yet both team's cable affiliates are carrying the game (so still more people to piss-off).
The local fans, however, have a choice, and I think I just might have to tune in at tipoff to see just how dead it is. It may be insanely dead. I picture a YMCA game, or perhaps a soccer match where the home team is playing out a FIFA "next game behind closed doors" punishment.
As far as the Super Bowl itself, let me break down the units:
QUARTERBACKS: Ben Roethlisberger has had a monstrously successful NFL career, and yet I wonder how he would fair on a bad team. He runs very hot and cold, a la Donovan McNabb, especially this year (although that may have been due to injuries).
Kurt Warner, obviously, deserves some sort of Comeback Player of the Century award. When VH1 does "I Love the '00s (Strikes Back)." I look forward to the 2004 episode when they discuss Kurt Warner with the Giants (in fact, if my editor could please find and use a picture of Warner with the Giants for this article's image, he doesn't have to pay me for this article).
ADVANTAGE: Cardinals.
RUNNING BACKS: The Steelers seem to have morphed into the Broncos East with their running game. Willie Parker, Mewelde Moore, Rashard Mendenhall, and Najeh Davenport all are capable when healthy of putting up good numbers as a Steelers featured back.
For Arizona, they are so pass-heavy that the backs are more like specialists, like kickers.
ADVANTAGE: Steelers.
WIDE RECEIVERS: This has been the most exciting story of this year's playoffs. One receiver established himself as a member of the uppermost strata of superstars in the NFL, on a franchise that has never had such a superstar (sorry, Aeneas Williams, I'm giving points for casual fan recognition) in my lifetime. So unstoppable. Seemingly able to do whatever he wants, whenever he wants, even if he's triple teamed.
But the Cardinals receiving corps is actually a lot deeper than Jerheme Urban. Santonio Holmes and Hines Ward one of the better tandems in the NFL, but obviously...
ADVANTAGE: Cardinals.
OFFENSIVE LINE: Ha! My eyes follow the ball. I don't know.
ADVANTAGE: Draw.
DEFENSIVE LINE: Ha! My eyes follow the ball. I don't know.
ADVANTAGE: Draw.
LINEBACKERS: Ha! Occasionally, my colleague Brad Oremland contacts me for an ambitious historical NFL writing project. While I am always happy to collaborate with him, I caution him I am dangerously unqualified standing next to him and his kind. Perhaps, perhaps now, he will listen. He will understand.
ADVANTAGE: Draw.
DEFENSIVE BACKS: Ha! Although, I will say ... ah, I just can't make a Ryan Clark cranium-related joke. Too soon. I will note that I've seen multiple pundits describe the Arizona defense as "opportunistic," which seems like a nice way of saying "lucky." Turnovers are the great randomizer. I ought to do a study comparing teams' turnover margin to their average yards per play. The teams that have the widest margin between the two, favoring the former, bet heavily against them. Yes! I have a system! The first one ever guaranteed to work.
ADANTAGE: Draw.
SPECIAL TEAMS: Ha! My eyes ... damn, that caveat doesn't really work with this category. I don't know. Neil Rackers is good. So is Jeff Reed. I can't really remember who their punters are, or if they have notable return games, but I think Arizona might because I wanna say they use their offensive stars to return kicks sometimes. Not sure.
ADVANTAGE: Draw.
FINAL PREDICTION: Despite favoring the Cardinals in twice as many categories as the Steelers, I will still quote Captain Caveman from Kissing Suzy Kolber:
"I guess, given the existence of Larry Fitzgerald, it's theoretically possible that the Cardinals can wi– ... no. Nope, I can't even finish that sentence. It's better if we all come to terms with a Steelers championship now."
My thoughts exactly.
STEELERS 38, CARDINALS 22
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