Note: the quotes in this article are fictional.
1. Jimmie Johnson — Johnson finished 15th at Homestead, easily clinching the 2009 Sprint Cup title, outpointing race winner Carl Edwards by 69 points. Johnson now joins Cale Yarborough as the only drivers to win three consecutive Cup titles.
"Just because I made history doesn't mean I'm done making history," says Johnson. "Next year, I'll begin the quest to become the first to win four straight Cup championships. Will I do it? Of course, it's a 'four'-gone conclusion."
2. Carl Edwards — Edwards won his third consecutive race, leading 157 of 267 laps in the Ford 400, but fell well short of catching Jimmie Johnson for the Cup title. Johnson needed only a finish of 36th or better, and finished 15th, winning the Cup by 69 points.
"You know, 'all hail' sounds a lot like 'aw, hell,'" says Edwards. "But, when you dig yourself a 141-point hole after nine races, it's hard to climb out of, even when you win three of the last four races. Just like that hole is void of dirt, those wins are void of meaning. I led all Sprint Cup drivers in wins, with nine, as well as leading all drivers in 'hollow' victories, with three."
3. Kevin Harvick — Harvick nearly broke through for his first win this season, but fell short with a second in the Ford 400, following Carl Edwards across the line. Harvick moved up one spot in the standings to fourth, and finished 276 behind Cup champion Jimmie Johnson.
"It would have been nice to end the season on a positive note with a win," says Harvick. "But it wasn't to be. Congratulations are in order for Jimmie Johnson. He deserves a 'pat' on the back. As for Edwards, I congratulated him a few weeks earlier in Charlotte when I 'put' him on his back."
4. Greg Biffle — Biffle finished 18th at Homestead, as fuel mileage issues and an early pit road speeding penalty hindered his efforts for the win to close the season. Biffle finished third in the points, 217 out of first.
"Congratulations to Jimmie Johnson," says Biffle. "He's proof that nice guys can finish first. And Carl Edwards has nothing to be ashamed of. He's proof that guys who are nice half the time and raging, egotistical maniacs the other half, can finish second."
5. Jeff Gordon — Gordon almost garnered his first win of the year, hoping his fuel strategy would outlast the leaders. It was close, but Gordon could only manage a fourth, as Carl Edwards won in Homestead while Jimmie Johnson clinched the Cup championship.
"Three Cups is an impressive feat," says Gordon. "But Jimmie will need another to complete the set. Only then will my wife and I agree to have wine with the Johnson's."
6. Jeff Burton — Handling problems, coupled with front-end damage from a mid-race accident, left Burton with a 40th at Homestead. He fell two spots to sixth in the points, and finished the year 349 out of first.
"Obviously, I'm looking forward to Daytona in February of 2009," says Burton. "As for the immediate future, I'm looking forward to Tony Stewart's 'Going Away Party.' It's going to be wild, and I understand that all protective and safety devices we wear as drivers will come in handy at the party."
7. Clint Bowyer — Bowyer finished fifth in the Ford 400, and moved up one place in the point standings, posting a solid fifth in the final Sprint Cup point standings. On Saturday, Bowyer captured the Nationwide points title by placing fifth in the Ford 300.
"As the driver of the Jack Daniels Chevy," says Bowyer, "it's always good to plead the 'fifth.' Obviously, as my Nationwide title suggests, I'm a championship-caliber driver, so it's too bad I'm losing Jack Daniels as a sponsor. I feel that with a little more 'aging,' I could go from 80 proof to at least 90 proof for a Sprint Cup title."
8. Tony Stewart — Stewart's last race in the No. 20 Joe Gibbs Home Depot Chevy ended with a ninth-place finish in Homestead. Stewart's aspirations of going out with a victory ended when he surrendered the lead with 11 laps remaining to pit for fuel. He finished ninth in the points, 482 out of first.
"Nothing says 'farewell' like one last wild bash in the Home Depot hauler," says Stewart. "Talk about going out with a 'bang.'"
9. Matt Kenseth — While leading with just two laps to go, Kenseth ran out of fuel and finished 25th, capping a disappointing season with even more disappointment. Kenseth went winless on the year, and finished well out of the hunt for the Cup in 11th, 500 out of first.
"Don't anyone ever say I'm not generous," says Kenseth. "I let Carl Edwards pass me early so he could lead a lap, then I ran out of gas, allowing him to pass. What do those two instances have in common? I didn't want to do either."
10. Dale Earnhardt, Jr. — A wheel bearing problem knocked Earnhardt out of the race early, and he finished 42nd, 21 laps down. Earnhardt finished 12th in the point standings, 557 out of first.
"Hey, the week wasn't all bad," says Earnhardt. "Dale Earnhardt, Inc. and Ganassi Racing announced a partnership. I guess congratulations are in order — not for them, but for me, for not trying harder to buy DEI. That would have really cost me. Thank for being so stubborn, Teresa Earnhardt. It really paid off for me."
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