Note: the quotes in this article are fictional.
1. Jimmie Johnson — Johnson won his third straight fall Martinsville race, leading 339 of 504 laps to win the Tums QuikPak 500. With four races remaining in the Chase, Johnson has a 149-point lead over second-place Greg Biffle.
"I'm not taking anything for granted just yet," says Johnson. "As they say, 'The fat lady's not singing, but she is warming up.' Besides, she's got a couple of stops to make before she sings in honor of my third Cup title. First, she has to be sexually harassed by a few rogue NASCAR officials, then she has to pay a visit to Tony Stewart's hauler."
2. Greg Biffle — Biffle's decision to stay out during a caution on lap 161 led to a green-flag stop on lap 248, which put him a lap down. Not until lap 485 was he able to cash in the Lucky Dog free pass, leaving him few laps to make up ground. He eventually finished 12th and passed Jeff Burton for second place in the point standings, but trails Jimmie Johnson by 149 points.
"Jimmie always has that killer instinct at Martinsville," says Biffle. "Unlike Carl Edwards, Jimmie knows exactly when the right time to 'go for the throat' is."
3. Jeff Burton — Burton's Cup hopes, burning bright after last week's win in Charlotte, dimmed considerably after he overshot his pit stall during a caution with 40 laps to go. The one-lap penalty dropped Burton to 18th and he was able to gain one spot by race's end. Burton fell one spot in the point standings to third, 152 behind Jimmie Johnson.
"They say the hot dogs at Martinsville are delicious," says Burton. "The famous hot dog is just one of the many items available at the concession stand. Answer me this, though. Does the concession stand sell concession speeches?
4. Carl Edwards — Edwards finished third in Martinsville, breaking up a Hendrick sweep of the top three, with Jimmie Johnson winning, followed by Dale Earnhardt, Jr. in second, and Jeff Gordon in fourth. Edwards held on to the fourth spot in the points, 198 behind Johnson.
"It's all over but the crying," says Edwards. "Believe me, I know strangleholds, and Jimmie's got a stranglehold on the Cup title."
"I'm just happy that I didn't clash with someone or something for the first time in four weeks. First, in Kansas, I knocked the wall. Then, at Talladega, it was Greg Biffle's bumper. In Charlotte, Kevin Harvick's throat had to go and get in my way."
5. Kevin Harvick: Harvick posted a solid seventh in the Tums QuikPak 500, his fourth top-10 finish of the Chase and 16th of the year. Loose handling conditions kept Harvick from challenging up front, but his seventh matched his best Cup result in Martinsville. He remained sixth in the Cup point standings, 256 behind Johnson.
"The infield at Martinsville Speedway is very cramped," says Harvick. "So the chances of Carl Edwards and I crossing paths was quite likely. That's why I chose to wear my HANS device not only while in the car, but around my garage, as well. I, more than anyone, understand the importance of neck protection."
6. Jeff Gordon — Gordon finished fourth in Martinsville, as Hendrick Motorsports drivers took three of the top-four spots, with Jimmie Johnson winning to pad his points lead to a comfortable 149 points. Gordon moved up to seventh in the points, and trails Johnson by 275.
"I think the most impressive thing about Jimmie's ascension to the top," says Gordon, "is that he's done it without stepping on anyone's toes, which is surprising, because Jimmie's got huge feet. And you know what they say about guys with big feet? They know how to 'step on it.'"
7. Dale Earnhardt, Jr. — Earnhardt was unable to catch Hendrick teammate Jimmie Johnson as the laps dwindled at Martinsville, instead settling for second, his best finish in six Chase races. Earnhardt advanced one place in the points to ninth, and trails Johnson by 379.
"Hey, why don't we cut to the 'Chase,'" says Earnhardt, "and go ahead and give Jimmie the Cup. And, while we're at it, we might as well rename the 'Chase' the 'Follow,' since that's all we're doing."
8. Tony Stewart — Tire issues dictated Stewart's day in Martinsville, as flat tires on two separate occasions left him four laps down and in 26th place. He dropped one spot to eight in the Sprint Cup point standings, where he trails Jimmie Johnson by 338.
"The year in racing has had it all," says Stewart. "First, there was Aaron Fike 'chasing dragons,' then there was me 'chasing tail.' Finally, you've got Jimmie chasing the Cup."
9. Clint Bowyer — Bowyer finished ninth in Martinsville and maintained the fifth spot in the Cup point standings. He trails Jimmie Johnson by 242 points.
"Fans of the Jack Daniels car aren't that impressed by Johnson's lead," says Bowyer. "What good is a firm grip on the Cup without a firm grip on the bottle?"
10. Matt Kenseth — Despite an early spin that left his car damaged and a lap down, Kenseth and the No. 17 crew battled their way back for an unlikely eighth-place finish. He moved up one place in the points to 10th, where he is 408 out of first.
"You could say I was 'all over the place,'" says Kenseth. "But the 'Killer B's' really came through for me in the pits. We're not tossing in the towel just yet, but the arm is cocked for an easy throw when the time comes. We're 408 points behind Jimmie, so catching him is not likely. But if he takes a few races off, he could be caught. And when I say 'takes a few races off,' I mean it literally. Jimmie would have to not race at all for us to have a chance."
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