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September 30, 2008

NFL Week 4 Power Rankings

Five Quick Hits

* Every division in the NFC is wide open. The Lions won't win the North, the Rams are out in the West, and Atlanta's in trouble for the South, but everyone else has to believe they can get a division title.

* The Eagles need to improve their defense against screen passes. You can't just bring the house every time without guarding against that.

* Bruce Springsteen and the E Street Band will perform at halftime of Super Bowl XLIII. They should perform at halftime of every Super Bowl.

* Top five teams in point differential: Tennessee (+56), Buffalo (+46), Giants (+40), Philadelphia (+36), and Dallas (+31). It's an NFC East world, but don't sleep on the Titans.

* Bottom six teams in point differential: St. Louis (-104), Detroit (-54), Houston (-43), Cincinnati (-35), Cleveland and Kansas City (tied at -32).

***

Sunday night's Bears/Eagles game was, in my mind, defined by two fourth downs for Philadelphia's offense. One, of course, came at the end of the game, when the Bears came up with that magnificent stop. It was a great defensive play by Chicago, but I don't understand Philadelphia's uninspired play-call. They even took a timeout immediately beforehand. Did the Eagles really need extra time to decide to run the same play they had used on first and third down? Or did they just want to waste a timeout they might need later?

Fans often second-guess coaches when they go for it on fourth down and fail. But we should also second-guess coaches who don't go for it when they should, and that was the case for Philadelphia in the middle of the second quarter. The game was tied, 14-14, and the Eagles had 4th-and-1 at Chicago's 32-yard line. Andy Reid opted to try a 50-yard-field goal, which missed and set up a Chicago touchdown. A 50-yard field goal at Soldier Field is no chip shot, and Philadelphia's chances of picking up that one yard had to be just as good as its chances of nailing the kick. If they get the first down, the Eagles probably either score a touchdown or get close enough to make an easier field goal, and the whole rest of the game looks a little different. Caution is not always a virtue. To beat good teams or win close games, you need to take some chances, and on Sunday night, Reid never did that.

All that is before we even get to Reid's shyness with his challenge flag, but let's move on to the power rankings. Brackets show last week's rank. I messed around with the order of 4th-8th about a million times; those teams are awfully close.

1. Dallas Cowboys [1] — We all know that Jason Garrett is an offensive genius, and that Wade Phillips, who is 16-4 as coach of the Cowboys, should be fired so that Garrett doesn't maybe go somewhere else. So how come Garrett didn't realize that his running backs probably should have gotten more than 8 carries on Sunday?

2. Tennessee Titans [4] — Still winning with defense — they basically beat Minnesota on turnovers — but they're also getting what they need from Kerry Collins, and you can't bench a quarterback who's winning. As Deion Sanders put it, Vince Young may still be the future of the franchise, but Collins is the present.

3. New York Giants [3] — This week, on CBS's pregame show, Dan Marino said that Eli Manning was the league's best QB right now. Eli was great in last year's postseason, but that is ludicrous. Eli is the fourth-best QB in his own division right now, to say nothing of the whole NFL. A lot of quarterbacks could look good behind that offensive line, and Manning still struggles with his consistency.

4. Washington Redskins [10] — I hate prevent defense. For most of the game, Washington's defense really contained the Cowboys' attack, allowing just 197 yards and a 4.5 average per play. But on the final drives of the first and second halves, the defense switched to a three-man line, laid back in coverage, and got killed. On those two drives — which accounted for 3:33 of a 60-minute game — Washington allowed 147 yards and a 10.5 average per play. If the defense you normally use has been working, don't switch to something else at the most critical moments of a game.

5. San Diego Chargers [8] — Which 2-2 team is closer to 4-0, the Chargers or the Bears? San Diego lost on a last-second touchdown in Week 1 and a bad call in Week 2. The Bears lost on a fourth-quarter comeback in Week 2 and a stupid penalty in Week 3. I'll say San Diego, but I'm concerned about this defense. The Chargers aren't putting teams away the way they should be. The good news is that the offensive line is getting healthy.

6. Buffalo Bills [9] — They're 4-0, but I want to see them beat a good team before they hit the top five. I know they beat Jacksonville, and that's a pretty good team, but their other wins weren't terribly impressive, and games against Oakland and St. Louis were closer than they probably should have been.

7. Philadelphia Eagles [2] — Would they have lost if Brian Westbrook played? I don't think so, and if Westbrook were healthy, they'd be ranked higher than this. Eagles fans are going to have a love/hate relationship with DeSean Jackson this year. He's an explosive player, and he's clearly opened up their offense, but he's also made some huge mistakes.

8. Pittsburgh Steelers [6] — Beat a pretty good Ravens team on Monday night, but they have some problems. Their top two running backs are injured, and now offensive lineman Kendall Simmons is out for the season. The Steelers' interior offensive line is a mess, and they're having a lot of trouble running up the middle and dealing with inside pressure from defenses.

9. Carolina Panthers [13] — The team looks very good right now, with wins over the Chargers and Bears, and they really controlled the Falcons this week, shutting down Atlanta's offense and shredding the Falcons with Jake Delhomme's passing attack, one week after I complained that "Carolina's passing game has really not been productive."

10. Tampa Bay Buccaneers [16] — Three wins in a row after their Week 1 defeat in New Orleans. They beat Green Bay with special teams and defense after Brian Griese threw 3 interceptions for the second week in a row. Despite not playing in Week 1, Griese is tied for most picks in the NFL.

11. Chicago Bears [17] — The Kyle Orton of 2008 looks like a totally different player than the Kyle Orton of 2005. He needs some more help, though, from his offensive tackles and tight ends. Too much pressure is coming from outside.

12. Jacksonville Jaguars [12] — David Garrard had his first good game of the season, and it was really good: rushing and passing TDs, 277 combined yards, and a 103.1 passer rating. The running backs, however, continued to struggle, combining for just 57 yards and a 3.4 average against Houston's 27th-ranked run defense.

13. Denver Broncos [7] — I worry that Jay Cutler may be forcing the ball to Brandon Marshall and Eddie Royal. Against Kansas City, it seemed like Cutler kept getting into trouble trying to go to Marshall. It would probably help if the offense had more balance; I'd like to see Denver run the ball more often.

14. Green Bay Packers [5] — Injuries are starting to look like a really big problem. The defensive backfield is really banged up, and now there are questions about Aaron Rodgers' shoulder. There's no QB depth, and it looks like the Packers are doomed without Rodgers, but even with him, there's plenty to worry about. Donald Driver, who has four straight 1,000-yard seasons, has been invisible this year. The rushing game hasn't gotten going. They're also committing way too many penalties, including four against Tampa that gave the Bucs first downs.

15. Minnesota Vikings [11] — Has any team played a harder schedule? They lost at Green Bay and Tennessee, with home games against the Panthers and Colts. Unfortunately, it doesn't get much easier.

16. New Orleans Saints [18] — The defense, despite being terrible, sacked J.T. O'Sullivan six times. Add another bazillion-yard passing day from Drew Brees, and the triumphant return of Deuce McAllister, and you have a recipe for success. The Saints match up pretty well with Minnesota, their Week 5 opponent, and should expect to win.

17. Baltimore Ravens [19] — The Steelers used a lot of extra blockers in the second half, but I was surprised that the Ravens didn't blitz more. The Eagles won last week because they never let Ben Roethlisberger get comfortable, and Baltimore let him get comfortable. Three sacks is usually pretty good, but with Pittsburgh's protection problems and Baltimore's defensive reputation, it's disappointing.

18. Indianapolis Colts [14] — Look like a middle-of-the-pack team so far, squeaking by Minnesota, and losing to Chicago and Jacksonville. The team is banged up, so maybe they just needed some time to recover, and they'll be better coming off their bye.

19. Arizona Cardinals [15] — I do this column on Monday nights, and in my Week 3 Arizona summary, when I wrote, "Pass defense does look like an area of concern," that was before I knew Pro Bowlers Bert Berry and Adrian Wilson weren't going to play against the Jets. They need those guys back, or everyone's going to throw 6 TDs against them. Well, maybe not 6, but it won't be pretty. On the bright side, they're not going to have 8 turnovers every week.

20. New England Patriots [21] — They had a lot of work to do during the bye week. So far this season, the defense looks old, the offensive line looks weak, Matt Cassel looks like a poor imitation of Tom Brady, and Randy Moss looks likes he's trying when he feels like it. I don't think it's a given that they'll beat the 49ers next week.

21. New York Jets [23] — Those New York Titans throwback jerseys are the ugliest things I have seen in my entire life. Also, who had 91 points as the over/under for their game against Arizona? The Jets scored 34 points in the second quarter alone. The record for a single quarter is 41, by the Packers in 1945 and the Rams in 1950.

22. San Francisco 49ers [20] — Pass protection is a glaring problem. O'Sullivan has been sacked 19 times, easily the most in the league. Also, can someone get Chris Berman to stop talking about happy hour when he mentions O'Sullivan? Did I miss where it's okay to be prejudiced toward Irish people?

23. Seattle Seahawks [22] — The bye came at a good time, and the NFC West is still very much in reach. Neither the Cardinals nor the Niners looks like a serious contender this season, so if the Seahawks can be above-average for the rest of the season, they'll probably win the division. I don't think we'll know until Week 17: Seattle at Arizona, winner goes to the playoffs.

24. Cleveland Browns [24] — Finally won a game, but they weren't terribly impressive about it, and Derek Anderson did not play well. The Browns won by abusing Ryan Fitzpatrick, who was subbing for an injured Carson Palmer. They sacked Fitzpatrick three times and he was good for four turnovers. At least the Browns know they won't go 0-16.

25. Houston Texans [25] — After an 0-3 start, it would certainly be reasonable to move them down, but taking the Jaguars to overtime is no joke, and their offense showed some real life. They're also the only team that hasn't had a home game yet.

26. Atlanta Falcons [26] — They can beat bad teams, but the Falcons have yet to stay competitive against good teams; Carolina and Tampa both beat them 24-9. Matt Ryan was awful on Sunday, throwing 41 passes for only 158 yards. It's also apparent that they need to work on pass defense.

27. Miami Dolphins [27] — People keep using the term "single wing" to refer to the offense Miami showed against the Patriots last week. The single wing is a specific offensive set, introduced more than 100 years ago by Pop Warner. It used an unbalanced line, multiple lead blockers, and no wide receivers. What Miami did bears a lot more similarity to the 2007 Arkansas Razorbacks than the 1907 Carlisle Indians.

28. Oakland Raiders [28] — Someone needs to tell this team that the game lasts four quarters, not three. The Raiders have actually been competitive in those first three quarters, outscoring opponents 44-37. In the fourth quarter, though, they've been outscored 64-34, losing each of their last two games after entering the final period with a lead.

29. Kansas City Chiefs [30] — Damon Huard is 10-10 as starting QB in Kansas City. That might not sound terribly impressive, but during that time, the team is 4-12 when he doesn't start. He's not Joe Montana, but at least he gives the Chiefs a chance to win.

30. Cincinnati Bengals [29] — Palmer's injury is just one more problem for a team that had plenty to begin with. On the bright side, there's no need to rush him back into action, because I'm pretty sure they're not beating Dallas next week, regardless of who plays quarterback.

31. Detroit Lions [31] — Sometimes I imagine that NFL coaches and executives read my column. Several of my suggestions last week were actually heeded, including benching Tyler Thigpen and firing Matt Millen. I know those were hardly unique sentiments, but it's not like I write, "Fire Matt Millen" every week. I think the timing is pretty impressive. No need to thank me, Lion fans — I consider it a public service.

32. St. Louis Rams [32] — Played their best defensive game of the season against Buffalo, and Steven Jackson finally had a breakout performance. It wasn't enough to save Scott Linehan's job, and now defensive coordinator Jim Haslett takes over as interim head coach. Yes, the same Jim Haslett whose defense is ranked 31st in yards and 32nd in points allowed. You know a team is desperate when they think that's an improvement.

Posted by Brad Oremland at 11:40 AM | Comments (0)

MLB 2008 Divisional Series Breakdown

American League

Los Angeles of Anaheim Angels vs. Boston Red Sox

This series starts on Wednesday with the Angels taking up the option of the longer series, allowing them to enjoy rest days between Games 2, 3 and 5, to go with just three starters on regular rest, and only 10 pitchers on the 25-man roster.

This series has taken a major turn with the news that Josh Beckett strained an oblique muscle during a bullpen session on Friday and is now slated (at best) to start Game 3. The Sox are already sweating on the fitness of Mike Lowell and J.D. Drew and this will come as a major blow, no matter how the Sox brass spin it.

The Angels are happy with a rotation of John Lackey, Ervin Santana, and Joe Saunders, but the Red Sox are still unlikely to be fazed as they can counter with John Lester, Daisuke Matsuzaka, and (hopefully) Beckett.

Boston has recent playoff history in its favor, dispatching the Angels with the minimum of fuss in both 2007 and 2004. This is a better Angel team than the Red Sox beat on those occasions, with Vladimir Guerrero in better health, Mark Teixeira a huge power boost over Casey Kotchman at first base, a stronger pitching rotation, and Torii Hunter patrolling center. Factor in home advantage and the fact that Boston has lost Manny Ramirez since the last time these teams met in postseason play, and the Angels start slight favorites.

Mike Scioscia's team has totally dominated the Red Sox this regular season, going 8-1, including consecutive sweeps in July. That's no guarantee of playoff success, but it will help restore the confidence of the Angels, who were beginning to pickup a Boston-phobia.
Right-hander John Lackey (2-0, 2.81 ERA vs. Red Sox in 2008), starts the series against lefty Lester and the Angels will be counting on getting off to a flying start.

Lackey worries me this season, with his increased home run ratio (26 so far in 163.1 IP) and inconsistency since the break. His last outing against Texas was particularly disastrous, failing to get out the third inning while surrendering 10 runs.

Lester has the composure, not to mention the above-average arsenal, of a number one starter and the team has confidence in him. However, in four career starts against the Angels, he's got a 7.78 ERA and a .393 BAA.

Santana against Matsuzaka is another tight call, with Santana strong at home (though less so this year) and Matsuzaka preferring to pitch on the road (unbeaten at 9-0 in 2008). Assuming Beckett is good to go in Game 3 in Boston, he will start a slight favorite to beat Joe Saunders.

With evenly matched starting pitching, two strong bullpens, and two of the best closers in the league, this contest will depend on the small things — a bloop single, a stolen base, or an error on a routine play — as short playoff games like this are often decided by a well-timed bit of luck.

This could easily go either way, but I feel Anaheim has played into Boston's hands by electing to stretch the series over a week and sending Tim Wakefield and Paul Byrd out of the rotation and into the bullpen. Boston in five.

Tampa Bay Rays vs. Chicago White Sox/Minnesota Twins

The Rays are unquestionably the great story of this season — or any season in recent memory. Predicted, at best, to finish the season fourth in a strong AL East, instead they took the division in style, despite dealing with injuries to Cliff Floyd, Troy Percival, Evan Longoria, and Carl Crawford. Every team suffers injuries, but in the Rays' case, their miniscule payroll makes them that much harder to deal with.

There's no doubt the Rays would prefer to face the White Sox in a short series, with Ozzie Guillen's team facing elimination three games in a row and the clubhouse seemingly close to imploding under the strain of Guillen's ranting and players turning against each other in the media.

The Twins are a tougher nut to crack and remain the model small market franchise, despite what Billy Beane's admirers might claim. The minor league system has churned out a succession of young, hard-to-beat starting pitchers who are taught to pound the strike zone and not issue free passes.

That said, the Twins are light on power, Justin Morneau excepted, and the Rays' starting pitching is better, with Scott Kazmir, Matt Garza, and James Shields an upgrade on what Minnesota or Chicago can throw at them. In addition, the Rays' bullpen of J.P. Howell, Grant Balfour, Troy Percival, Dan Wheeler, and rookie David Price is one of the strongest in the American League.

Whoever turns up against Tampa Bay, I expect the Rays to progress comfortably with their power hitting, strong rotation, and lights-out bullpen.

National League

Milwaukee Brewers vs. Philadelphia Phillies

Milwaukee's heart attack progression to the playoffs has boosted an ailing ballclub that looked on the ropes with the firing of Ned Yost on September 15th. No doubt, the team will be on an adrenaline rush after the last day heroics of Ryan Braun, but in the cold light of day, Philadelphia is a better team. Indeed, it was the Phillies' four-game sweep of the Brewers that ended Yost's tenure at Miller Park.

With Ben Sheets looking in danger of missing the series, Milwaukee will again rely on C.C. Sabathia to take the ball on three days rest in Game 2, by which time they will likely be in a hole as Cole Hamels opens the series against Yovani Gallardo on Wednesday afternoon in The Cit.

Philadelphia looks to have too much all-round strength for the Brewers, with run-scoring potential all through the lineup and a pitching staff with a remarkable 3.65 ERA in their hitter-friendly home stadium. Add in the strong bullpen that Charlie Manuel can call on and it's hard to see how the Brewers are going to score enough runs.

I can't see this series going past four games at most.

Los Angeles Dodgers vs. Chicago Cubs

This is a much better matchup than the other NLDS game, with the Dodgers, until recently, a .500 ballclub in a poor division, suddenly sparking into life behind a stellar rotation of Derek Lowe, Chad Billingsley, and Hiroki Kuroda (all righties). With Greg Maddux in the mix, Clayton Kershaw available from the bullpen, and Joe Biemel, Takashi Saito ,and Jonathon Broxton at the tail end, the Dodgers will prove a formidable hurdle, especially now that Manny Ramirez is there to add power to a decent lineup that includes Russell Martin, Andre Ethier, Matt Kemp, and Jeff Kent.

That said, the Cubs have been the best team in the NL since opening day and counter Lowe, Billingsley, and Kuroda with Ryan Dempster, Carlos Zambrano, and Rich Harden — no mean trio.

The Cubs have the better all-round team, but the Dodgers have enough starting pitching to hold them close and I like the Dodgers' bullpen a lot better than the Cubs' relievers. In a tight matchup, this could be the edge Joe Torre needs to take his team into the NLCS in five games.

Posted by Mike Round at 11:04 AM | Comments (0)

September 29, 2008

82 Things to Watch For This NBA Season (Pt. 1)

Finally.

It's been three long months since the NBA last took center stage when the Boston Celtics defeated the Los Angeles Lakers to win their 17th NBA title back in June. In those three months, basketball junkies have had plenty to talk about: players headed overseas (let them go), players staying put (Gilbert Arenas), players almost staying put (Elton Brand), players not staying put (Elton Brand, Baron Davis), and even the very fun to watch fantasy team of USA basketball stars bring the home the gold (USA!).

All of those things, however, are just little teasers throughout the summer to remind us that the NBA season isn't as far away as it seems. Little nuggets of best and worst case scenarios to kick around hypothetically while you wait and see what really plays out.

Now, with the NBA preseason set to begin this week, we get to see the 2008-09 version of NBA basketball.

Finally.

However, just because camp opens this week doesn't mean the speculation needs to end. After all, the regular season doesn't start until October 28th.

I wouldn't be doing my job if I let a basketball fan go into the upcoming season blind. So, starting today and every Monday for the next five weeks, I'll be counting down the 82 things to watch for this NBA regular season.

They are, in no particular order…

82. Kobe vs. LeBron

There is one sure topic you can count on being up for debate before every NBA season starts: who is the best player in the world right now? This season is no exception.

Last year, Kobe won his first MVP award and led his team to the NBA Finals. LeBron averaged 30 points per game and nearly 7 rebounds and 7 assists. Based on that, you'd think it'd be a dead-heat coming into this season.

Then the Olympics came around this summer and LeBron went off. He came out and shot nearly 67% from the floor. He was the best player on the floor most of the time for what is most certainly the second best basketball team ever assembled. And yes, that includes the time that he spent on the floor with Kobe.

Advantage LeBron, right?

Not even close. Anyone who watched the gold medal game against Spain knows who the best player in the world is. The fourth quarter of that game is a perfect example of how far LeBron has to go to get to the level that Kobe is at.

When the game was on the line (the United States lead by just two points with a little over eight minutes to play), Kobe took over. He was dominant. He got to the basket. He knocked down threes. He drew fouls. He found open teammates. He was a man amongst boys, only he wasn't playing against boys at all, but the best competition the international game has to offer.

With the gold medal hanging in the balance, coach Mike Krzyzewski and the rest of team USA decided to get the ball in Kobe's hands and let him win the game. Not because no one else was capable, not because no one else can handle the big stage, but because Kobe is the best player on the planet. Period.

81. Dwyane Wade's Possible Comeback

This one actually hurts a little bit. I've spent more time ripping D-Wade in this space than I have on any other topic. I couldn't stand anything about his game. To me, he was just the whiny swing guard that got bailed out on every play for an entire playoffs, milked every bump and bruise for more camera time, and inexplicitly became a star in this league without actually having the skillset of a superstar.

Then he left the floor on a wheelchair with a shoulder injury and I snapped. No grown man should ever be wheeled off the floor with an upper body injury. I was done with Dwyane Wade; he was forever on my bad side.

Then the Olympics came around this year and I couldn't believe what happened: I was rooting for Dwyane Wade. Hard. I mean, how could you not? He played the entire tournament with such energy and such passion that it was impossible not to root for him. The second quarter of the gold medal game was one of the top five greatest quarters of basketball I've seen one player play.

It got to the point that when a Spanish player took a cheap shot at Wade after his buzzer-beating three-point attempt at the end of the half, I was furious. How could this have happened? I've made a career out of taking cheap shots at Dwyane Wade, and now all the sudden I'm beside myself when someone else does it.

Maybe it was my patriotic side that wouldn't let me root against Wade this summer, but I know one thing: if Dwyane Wade plays as hard for the Miami Heat this season as he did for Team USA, he'll earn himself at least one more fan than he already has.

80. Chris Paul

Chris Paul has replaced Allen Iverson and Isiah Thomas as my favorite little guy of all-time. Watching Paul play is amazing. He can get to any spot on the floor he wants, and he does it seemingly so effortless and with a certain swagger that makes it impossible not to pull for him. And while we already touched on the Kobe vs. LeBron debate, let's not forget who finished second in the MVP voting last year.

Bryant and James may get most of the early attention for MVP, but if CP3 plays at the same level he did last year, we are definitely going to have a three-horse race for MVP by New Year's.

79. Deron Williams

Per NBA rules, everyone who mentions Chris Paul must immediately mention Deron Williams. Since I wouldn't want to catch the wrath of Commissioner Stern, I'll abide.

Williams broke out in his second season, averaging 16 points and 9 assists, but he stepped his game to a whole other level last season, averaging 18.8 points and 10.5 assists while leading the Utah Jazz to the second round of the playoffs.

Although his individual numbers may not be as good as Chris Paul's, Williams' teams have had more success, which leads to the inevitable...

78. Chris Paul vs. Deron Williams

These guys might as well live with the fact that they are going to spend their entire careers being compared to one another. They are roughly the same age, play the same position, came out in the same draft and were picked back to back. The debate might get tired to them, but each one presents a good measuring stick to the other, and the comparisons are worth making.

So who has had the upper hand so far in their "rivalry?" Chris Paul has certainly had more individual success. He was Rookie of the Year, First Team All-NBA last year, Second Team All-Defense, and finished second in the MVP voting.

Williams has yet to make an all-star team, although he did manage a Second Team All-NBA bid last year. Clearly, he hasn't been as outstanding as Paul from an individual standpoint, but Williams has won 15 playoff games to Paul's seven. Williams has played in the conference finals, Paul got blown-out at home in a Game 7 that would have sent him there.

Chris Paul might have the slight edge on Deron Williams coming into this season because it looks like he has finally been able to elevate his team to a high level, but if the Utah Jazz outperform the New Orleans Hornets again this season, it might be time to admit that D-Will might actually be the better player.

77. Will Ron Artest the Rockets' Missing Link?

The Rockets may have made the biggest move of the offseason by acquiring Ron Artest from the Sacramento Kings. A team that was already stacked (on paper) added another potential all-world caliber player.

Any hope for a positive outcome ended early, however. Yao's reaction to bringing in Artest: "hopefully he's not fighting anymore and going after a guy in the stands."

I love how Yao didn't even generalize the idea of Artest fighting fans, but used the singular "guy" to describe who Artest would fight. It's like he already has someone in mind. There's probably some loudmouth fan with season tickets courtside at the Toyota Center that gets under everybody's skin and when Yao heard about the trade his first thought was, "Yeah, I could see Artest punching that guy in the face."

At least Artest took the high road and responded with the always classy, "I'm still ghetto."

It's certainly not a lack of talent that keeps the Rockets from succeeding year after year. The problem is staying healthy and team chemistry.

Forgive me if I'm not buying into bringing in Ron Artest, the biggest locker room cancer in the league and a guy only averages 59 games per season, as the solution to all of the Rockets' problems.

76. Andrew Bynum's Return From Knee Surgery

While the Rockets may have made the biggest trade of the offseason, the Lakers may have made the biggest addition to their lineup. All they had to do was reach out to the end of the bench.

After blowing out his knee in January, Andrew Bynum missed the final 47 games and the entire postseason for the Lakers. His injury may have proved to be fatal to the team as defensive rebounding and interior defense were the two biggest weaknesses exposed by the Celtics in the NBA Finals.

Bynum had been averaging 13 points, 10 rebounds, and 2 blocks per game before the injury. If he can return to form his added defensive presence and the lineup flexibility he brings to the table, it could make an already outstanding Laker team very scary in the West.

75. Gilbert Arenas Has (Another) Knee Surgery

Make that knee surgery number three in 17 months for Agent Zero. I hate to say it, but Arenas could be tracking towards being the next Grant Hill, but not in a good way. Continually having major surgery on the same part of the body is not a recipe for success.

Gilbert may be fun to listen to, fun to read, and fun to host a pool party, but his days as being fun to watch play may be behind him if he keeps getting tripped up by the same knee. Let's hope that he can fully recover and isn't relegated to penning his autobiography: "What If: The Gilbert Arenas Story."

74. The Stephon Marbury Saga

Someone has to pay for the jet fuel. Even though the Knicks reportedly want to buy out the remaining year on Marbury's contract, the point guard says he won't accept anything less than the $21 million he is owed.

$21 million a year is a ridiculous amount to pay Marbury, but once he gets bought out and signs somewhere for the veteran's minimum, he becomes great value for whatever team signs him. He is a shoe-in for the Chris Webber Award for having the worst contract in the league and the best contract in the league in the same season.

Early rumors are that he could end up in Miami. Marbury, Wade, Shawn Marion, and Michael Beasley in the same starting lineup? The Heat could be an early sleeper team in the East.

73. The Elton Brand Saga

Maybe Donald Sterling shouldn't have slept on Elton Brand. That way he could have ponies up extra few million dollars and kept Brand around. Instead, he allowed Philly to swoop in and trump his offer, then stood idly by while his star player took the deal and jumped ship.

Look, I'm not saying it was cool for Elton Brand to go back on his word, but the fact is no one in their right mind would pass up several million dollars more to play elsewhere. But losing Brand was just another example of the ineptitude in the front office that has plagued the Clippers for years.

Instead of coming into this season and keeping their best player in Brand and swapping out their second best player (Corey Maggette) for Baron Davis, they basically made the change from Elton Brand and Corey Maggette to Baron Davis and Marcus Camby.

The Clippers went 23-59 last year. If they would have stayed healthy, maybe they win 40 games. As usual, instead of taking a step forward this season, they made a lateral move. Mike, Sr. and Donald Sterling can complain all they want about unscrupulous agents or backstabbing or what have you, but the fact is that the Clippers organization dropped the ball. Again.

72. The Celtics' Bid For Back-to-Back Titles

I wanted to spend all of part one of this preview talking about individual players. After all, teams haven't even practiced together yet so it's a little premature to start predicting where teams will finish. However, it wouldn't make sense to talk about the 2008-09 season without visiting the 2007-08 champions.

The biggest problem the Celtics are going to face is a potential hangover. Last year's team was so dead-set on achieving one goal, of which they were successful, that I believe they are spent.

The Celtics team was built to win immediately. There weren't formed with the idea of building for the future. They put so much effort into the season both mentally and physically that I can imagine this team getting back to that level. Convincing these players to play over 100 games with such passion for their first title is one thing, but convincing them to do it again on a short turnaround is quite another.

I'm not saying they can't reach that highest level again, but it seems likely that coming off such an intense playoffs that this team of 30-somethings might just throw it in cruise control for the first few months and try to play their way into championship form after the new year.

Then again, we could see this opening night and all bets are off.

We'll know soon enough. The NBA season is here.

Finally.

Posted by Scott Shepherd at 11:46 AM | Comments (11)

Fantasy Football Faux Pas

In Week 2 of this young NFL season, the Eagles' DeSean Jackson set off a regular e-riot of angry fans fuming, venting, and flaming over the Internet. Jackson's casual flip of the ball behind him an instant before crossing the goal line smacked of hubris, selfishness, and shortsightedness as he cluelessly danced in the back of the end zone without the ball, unaware that he had not scored six points. Surely, football fans the world over were infuriated that he had cost his Eagles dearly in a big game and disgraced the game with his antics.

What's worse was that the Cowboys were just as clueless, neglecting to pick up the live ball and return it the other way while everyone else walked off the field. As a result, the Eagles were awarded the ball on the Cowboys' goal line and Brian Westbrook punched it through for a touchdown on the next play. Jackson's gaffe was foolish but, no harm, no foul. Right? Wrong.

It appears, the major outcry from this play came not from Eagles fans or football purists, but from fantasy football owners. And lots of them. ESPN.com's page was practically blown up with fan complaints. Jackson's infamous move was compared to Westbrook's slide at the 1-yard line in Dallas last year that allowed the Eagles to run out the clock, as well as cost Westbrook (and his fantasy owners) a touchdown's worth of virtual points.

A few angry fan quotes posted on the site read like this:

"Count me in among those that lost their matchup on the DeSean Jackson pre-goal line toss. He should be forced to send hand written apologies to the hundreds (if not thousands) of owners he punched in the gut."

"Thanks for losing my fantasy league game for me DeSean Jackson, you IDIOT! You took 9 points away from [Donovan] McNabb in my league and I lost by 4 ... FYI: You have to pass the goal line to score! Apparently, you didn't learn that in high school! You won't be in this league very long doing that."

The problem is Jackson owes it to his team and his Eagles fans to play hard and play smart, he owes absolutely nothing to all the fantasy football fans who had Jackson starting on their "team" that night. Yet some fans, perhaps just as shortsighted as Jackson himself, actually took it personally. These fantasy owners believed Jackson should have felt remorse to them, as if they should have played into his thought process at all.

And alarmingly, it seems more and more football fans are watching the game this way. A major part of the job of being a fan is to share in the joy and pain of competition with your favorite team, players, coaches and fellow fans. Instead, many now root for individual players to rack up high numbers en route to an individual victory in their own little league somewhere on Fantasy Island. All this merely so they can earn the joy of sticking it to their rivals with online comments and little more.

Columnist Bill Simmons even attributed the Monday night game's all-time high cable ratings to the amount of fantasy owners who were affected in a game with so many big-name players on the field, and claimed in his title "The NFL is all about fantasy now." While he may not be entirely right, there is a ring of truth to it that shows up anytime you turn on the 7 PM SportsCenter on a Sunday only to find a ton of numbers and graphics on your screen and only a tiny window to see any action. The goal of football media on TV has now become to feed the fantasy frenzy just as much as provide the game highlights.

I will admit that fantasy sports raises the fan IQ. It forces those who play it to become more well read on each player's stats, which players are having good or bad years, and be the first to know about an emerging rookie or under-the-radar player who could suddenly be a major threat in next week's game. In that sense, it does serve a purpose beyond entertainment, but this Jackson incident has exposed the negative side of fantasy sports, as well.

Mainly, it causes fans to look at the game from an unintended, almost distorted perspective that skewers the objective. Suddenly, the goal is not to find a way to outscore and stop the other team, it is to get the ball to the players you have designated as often as possible and rack up all the yards and points they can possibly manage, even if it conflicts with what the team needs to do to win, or the scoreboard at the top of the TV set. You're also asking (or in some cases, begging) certain players to accomplish goals you have set for them that they themselves are completely unaware of.

Last season in a similar situation, Brian Westbrook broke away from the Dallas defense, then slid down to a stop at the Dallas 1. He had turned down a sure touchdown so his Eagles could run out the clock, ensuring no chance of a Dallas comeback. Many in the media applauded the rare act of selflessness and team-first mentality in an ego-driven game.

Not fantasy owners. They were just heartbroken Westbrook had denied them their precious fantasy points. The act of giving to the greater good of the team and of winning the game for the Philadelphia Eagles was lost upon them.

Obviously, there are many who can play fantasy football and accurately balance this with the sense that they are watching a game of two teams trying to win and that is the true objective. They would like if Peyton Manning — who's on their team — throws for 300 yards. Yet if Indy has to instead get it done on the ground with Joseph Addai — not on their team — in order for the Colts to have the best chance to win, then that's something they can at least understand if not accept. However, the pages of quotes and comments from the fans on the website of the Worldwide Leader suggest otherwise.

In the final analysis, history will not remember what your fantasy team did in 2008 or 2007, it will only remember the outcome of the actual game played on actual gridiron. While it is true that stats and numbers will always be important to fans, the fantasy game may have proven that you can have too much of a good thing.

Posted by Bill Hazell at 11:00 AM | Comments (1)

September 25, 2008

NFL Weekly Predictions: Week 4

Note: the quotes in this article are fictional.

San Francisco @ New Orleans (-4)

With a 2-1 record and a share of the NFC West lead, the 49ers are relevant again. And I guess that means Mike Martz is, too, at least for the time being. Martz, the 49ers' new offensive coordinator, is probably the one offensive coordinator to have benefitted the most from one Super Bowl win. If ever a man remained employed on reputation alone, it's Martz, who, when he's not busy designing exotic pass routes, spends his time updating his Wikipedia entry with the words "genius," "mastermind," and "the guy responsible for the Rams' Super Bowl win."

"With my massive intellect," says Martz, "I'm able to do amazing things. For one, I can place myself in the head of an NFL quarterback and see what he sees, even though I've never taken an NFL snap in my life. I'm that good. When this season is over, you'll be mentioning the name J.T. O'Sullivan in the same breath with Joe Montana and Steve Young, assuming you can say the name of every single quarterback in 49er history in one breath."

The Saints and their high scoring offense will be without tight end and second-leading receiver Jeremy Shockey, who's out 3-6 weeks with a sports hernia. While Shockey can't be certain when the injury occurred, doctors are fairly certain it resulted from the cumulative effects of wildly celebrating routine, 8-yard, non-scoring receptions over time, dating back to Shockey's days as a Miami Hurricane.

"I've been called a 'sports hernia' before," says Shockey, "but never have I actually had one. But really, it's nothing a tattoo won't cover up. I guess Donovan McNabb's sports hernia of 2005 was the most well-known injury of that type. And look where it got him. Hopefully, my sports hernia won't undermine my relationship with Terrell Owens."

I've got a feeling Shockey and Owens would get along just fine.

Sure, it's early in the season, but the Saints are last in the NFC South at 1-2. It's time for the New Orleans defense to make a stop, and when I say "a" stop, I mean it literally. One will do. Expect the 49ers to stay away from a shootout by grinding out the yardage on the ground with Frank Gore. New Orleans should have beaten Denver. They won't blow this one. New Orleans wins, 27-24.

Minnesota @ Tennessee (-3)

With much deliberation, Brad Childress made the call to start Gus Frerotte against the Panthers last week, in lieu of the struggling Tarvaris Jackson. Frerotte responded with a solid game, leading the Vikings to a 20-10 win, their first of the year.

"I've got to hand it to Frerotte," says Childress. "When he hears his name called, he's ready to go. You know, when you say the name 'Gus,' you immediately think of the nincompoop who excitedly slammed his head into a wall after a touchdown run, nearly giving himself a concussion. That's our Gus. Now, when you say the name 'Gus' followed by the word 'Oyich,' you immediately think of the field goal-kicking donkey, who practically never missed. Luckily, our players can relate to both. They are fully behind my decision to start Gus Frerotte, and I'm relatively sure many of the current Vikes are plenty familiar with a well-performing ass, particularly those involved with 2005's sex boat scandal. And I don't even want to know if there was a donkey on that boat."

The backup quarterback has served the Titans, as well. Kerry Collins has filled in just dandily for the AWOL Vince Young. The Titans are 2-0 with Collins starting, and even with a healthy Young, Jeff Fisher has vowed to stay with Collins as long as he keeps winning.

"Many people don't know this," says Fisher, "but Kerry is a much-accomplished quarterback. With his 189 passing yards last Sunday, he became the 15th quarterback to 35,000 yards. And here's an obscure fact for you: Kerry's is second all-time among NFL quarterbacks in 'fifth down' conversions, second only to Kenny Stabler."

Don't expect either team to ask too much of their quarterbacks. This will come down to defense and turnovers. Don't most games? Titans cornerback Cortland Finnegan, who absolutely should have the title "Esquire" following his name, picks off Frerotte to preserve an 18-16 Titans win.

Houston @ Jacksonville (-7)

After an 0-2 start, the Jaguars got back to basics in a 23-21 win in Indianapolis, returning to the physical, in-your-face style preferred by Jack Del Rio. Jacksonville rushed 48 times for 236 yards and held the ball for an amazing 26:01 in the second half, winning the game on Josh Scobee's 51-yard field goal as time expired. They'll look for that same dominant ball control when they face the winless Texans.

"A relentless rushing attack in our modus operandi," says Del Rio. "In short, that's our 'M.O.' Mo is Maurice Jones-Drew, who along with Fred Taylor, gives us the league's best one-two rushing punch. To us, 'finesse' is a French word for 'West Coast offense,' which is just code for 'lack of a running game.' When you're rushing nearly 50 times per game, you need two workhorses. That many rushes is also an indication that you have little trust in your quarterback."

If the Texans are to challenge the Jags, they'll need better production in the red zone. Last week in Tennessee, six visits to the red zone resulted in only 12 points, and Houston dropped to 0-2 with a 31-12 defeat.

"Once we cross that red line that signifies the opponent's 20-yard line," says Gary Kubiak, "we've got to think 'touchdown.' I know some people, like Jaguars wide receiver Matt Jones, for instance, see a white line and think 'score.' He's got a nose for it. We need a nose for the end zone. But what that 'Gram Cracker' does in the privacy of his own car on public property is his business. Our business is cashing in for touchdowns once we get in position."

If the Texans can somehow find the end zone and pull off the upset, they've got three straight home games. If they can get there with a 3-3 record, they'll be happy. Houston hangs tough, but the Jaguars win, 23-19.

Cleveland @ Cincinnati (-3½)

Anytime the Browns and Bengals meet, one can expect the scoreboard to light up faster than police sirens responding to Chris Henry weaving erratically in an out of traffic, with one hand on the wheel, one on a beer, and one menacingly waving a gun through the sunroof. Last year in their first meeting, the two teams combined to score 96 points.

"It's like they say often in Cincinnati," says Marvin Lewis. "'The defense rests.' That usually means the prosecution has whipped tail again. As for the Browns/Bengals matchup, you can count on points being scored. I don't want to call out the recent performance of any of my players here, but I think the only '85' you'll see this Sunday is 'points scored.'"

If the Browns are to put up any fight, they'll have to score more than the 8.7 they've averaged in three lopsided losses this year. To do so, they'll need better play from all areas, particularly at quarterback. Derek Anderson, who was a pathetic 14-of-37 for 125 yards and 3 interceptions against the Ravens last week, has struggled so far this year, giving Romeo Crennel reason to consider giving Brady Quinn a start.

"Derek's Pro Bowl season of last year quite possibly could have been a fluke," says Crenel. "To say he's regressed might be the second-biggest understatement of he year. The first understatement, of course, being that the Browns are overrated. We're I way overrated. Anyway, Quinn's paid his dues. He's waited patiently for his turn. And besides, he's the only backup quarterback in the league with endorsement deals, so I guess he deserves the chance."

Before officially naming Quinn the starter, Crennel makes the former Notre Dame star wait an agonizing 100 minutes before making the call. With his first start awaiting, Quinn bows five times facing Touchdown Jesus, kisses his biceps, and leads the Cleveland charge. Then, at the last minute, Crennel changes his mind and names Anderson the starter. However, it matters little which overpaid quarterback the Browns start. Chad Johnson, Ocho Cinco, Choco Taco, or whatever the dude in the No. 85 jersey is answering to these days, finally shows up, and catches 8 passes for 112 yards and a touchdown. Upon scoring his first TD of the year, Ocho Cinco celebrates by revealing that he has legally changed teammate T.J. Houshmandzadeh's last name to 'Who's Your Momma.'"

Cincinnati wins the "Shootout at the 0-3 Corral," 33-28.

Atlanta @ Carolina (-9)

For any fans who prematurely penciled in the Panthers to beat the Vikings and move to 3-0, well, the Carolina offensive line can certainly relate to "false starts." The offensive line committed numerous penalties, and gave up 5 sacks, as the Panthers lost a 10-3 first half lead in a frustrating 20-10 loss. It was the Panthers' first game with Steve Smith, who was suspended for the first two games.

"Hey, I though our 'penalty-killing' unit was awesome," says John Fox. "I don't know what's up with all the false starts. Every member of our offensive line seems a little antsy. Apparently, the snap count is a lot like Steve Smith — you never know when it will go off. But seriously, with Smith in the mix, I found it hard to believe that we'd be the ones who got 'punched in the face.' But we did, and we'll have to learn from that. Losses like this really hurt, but this entire team has adopted a motto that Ken Lucas coined while lying flat on his back one day: 'What breaks your nose will make you a better person.'"

While they have done it against two of the NFL's weakest defenses, the Atlanta rushing game has clicked in two wins this year, with Michael Turner earning his free agent salary to the tune of 122 yards per game. For a defensive-minded coach like Mike Smith, a dependable rushing game suitably complements his defensive philosophies.

"I couldn't be happier with our rushing offense," says Smith. "And it's great to see the city of Atlanta excited about this team again. Atlanta hasn't been interested in this kind of ground coverage since the feds started digging around Michael Vick's place in Virginia."

Believe it or not, this winner of this game could hold the outright lead in the NFC South when all is said and done on Sunday. Are the Falcons ready for that? I doubt it? Are the Panthers? Of course. They're always anxious to get a jump start on the competition.

The Panthers air it out early, and Smith scores on a wide receiver screen in the second quarter, then amazingly trash talks DeAngelo Hall into a meltdown 3,000 miles away in Oakland. Jonathan Stewart works the clock in the fourth, and Carolina wins, 29-17.

Arizona @ NY Jets (-2)

While Kurt Warner may not be Brett Favre when it comes to MVP awards, absolute toughness, a penchant for amazing game heroics, and indecision, Warner does, in fact, have one Super Bowl ring, just like Favre. The two veterans will face off when the 2-1 Cardinals visit The Meadowlands this Sunday.

"Sure, we've both got a Super Bowl ring," says Warner. "That we have in common. But I doubt Brett Favre has ever bagged groceries, at least for a living, and to be honest, I'm not comfortable at all in Wrangler jeans. But I could be, if they paid me to wear them. But I couldn't accept money to wear jeans. Not with the knowledge that denim is clearly the work of the devil."

The Jets are off to a 1-2 start, and Favre and the Jets receivers are still trying to bond into a cohesive unit. In a 48-29 loss to the Chargers, Favre threw 2 interceptions, as well as a few other passes that could have been intercepted.

"Look, I know Warner is in tune with Anquan Boldin and Larry Fitzgerald," says Favre. "It's like they know where Kurt's gonna throw it. I long for that kind of connection with my receivers. Heck, it would help if I knew where I was gonna throw it. I know these New York fans can grow impatient pretty quickly, and they expect great things out of me. I plan to deliver, and if I don't, a few underhanded completions will tide them over until something worthwhile happens."

"Now, I know Kurt and I share a lot of similarities, but this game really isn't about Kurt and I. If it was, I'd defeat him quickly in a thumb-wrestling match. Call it what you will — 'Veteran QB vs. Veteran QB,' 'The Gunslinger vs. The Bible-Thumper.' It comes down to making the right decisions."

And prompt decisions. Edge to Warner. Arizona wins, 31-24.

Denver @ Kansas City (+10)

The Broncos are off and running, sporting a 3-0 record and the NFL's highest scoring offense, as well as a defense that makes that explosive offense entirely necessary. Denver is scoring at a whopping 38 points per game clip, while their defense is surrendering 28 per game.

"That means were scoring 10 points more per game that we're giving up," says Mike Shanahan, who is most happy when he's receiving more words of praise on Sunday's than Jesus Christ. "That's more than a one touchdown cushion, and, as you know in this business, you never know when some crooked, incompetent referee will cost you a touchdown, or some well-meaning referee who made an honest mistake will err in your favor. I think it's appalling that Charger fans are sending Ed Hochuli hate mail. Well, to make up to those Charger fans, I've commissioned a local artist to render a reproduction of James Whistler's classic painting Arrangement in Black and Grey, more famously known as Whistler's Mother, with Hochuli in the place of the mother. We're calling it Estrangement in Black and White Stripes."

As Herm Edwards has discovered in Kansas City, rebuilding years can be tough and grueling, and are nowhere near as easy as picking up a Joe Pisarcik fumble and scampering 26 yards for a touchdown.

"Despite Pisarcik's troubles," says Edwards, "he still protects the ball better than any quarterback on my roster. I've resorted to starting a guy named Tyler Thigpen from the institution of higher learning known as Coastal Carolina. My nautical charts tell me that's located in Conway, South Carolina, and I understand their mascot is the Chanticleer, which is defined as a 'fierce rooster.' Well, here I come to snuff the rooster, because Thigpen's getting benched in favor of Damon Huard."

The Broncos have to be the luckiest 3-0 team in history. They should have lost to the Chargers, obviously, and they should have lost to New Orleans, had Martin "Inaccuratica" Gramatica been able to hit a routine 43-yard field goal. Denver's 3-0 record is as inexplicable as a "negative" on a Travis Henry paternity test. Bad luck, the lack of a defense, and proper officiating calls will eventually catch up to them. But not this week.

During pre-game warmups, K.C. fans pelt Denver wide receiver Brandon Marshall with "batteries." Then Shanahan explains the irony of it all to a tearful Marshall. Denver wins, 27-14.

Green Bay @ Tampa Bay (-2½)

When you're on the road facing the Bucs, it's always a tough proposition. Not only is the Buccaneers vaunted "cover 2" defensive scheme always tough to outsmart, but playing in a stadium with a pirate ship in one end zone always creates a tricky backdrop for lobbing passes, especially if you imagine a naked Keira Knightly cavorting upon said ship.

"I don't need a fake pirate ship to do that," says Aaron Rodgers. "But that would be quite distracting imagining that image on the ship, but not nearly as distracting as seeing Jeff Garcia on the boat lobbying for a mutiny. You know what John Gruden would call Garcia if Garcia were a baseball player? 'No More Garcia-para.'"

"Anyway, I'm not sure anything can prepare a quarterback for facing the Tampa 'cover 2,' not even the Rosetta Stone tapes I used to learn the Packer offense. But I relish the experience of facing a defense designed by that geezer pleaser Monte Kiffin. Win or lose, I'll learn something. So I'm looking forward to facing the Bucs. Besides, after the game, there's always the possibility that you'll wander into a bar and find your cheerleaders practicing stunts in a bathroom stall. Shoot, I've heard of putting your game face on, but never putting it on someone else."

The task facing the Packers defense is to quickly shut down the Tampa running game and force Brian Griese to throw on a right arm that felt the strain of 67 pass attempts, which I believe was more than his father tossed in the entire 1972 season, last week in a 27-24 overtime win in Chicago.

"Hey, both our quarterbacks are a little sore," says John Gruden, Tampa's visor-wearing head coach who, when he's in a bad mood, is known to his players as 'Visor Söze.' "Griese's arm is shot, and Garcia's still mad at me. But they're both under wraps; Griese's arm is bandaged and Garcia is under a gag order. And I thought Keyshawn Johnson was the last of my pains in the rear."

Green Bay wins, 22-20.

San Diego @ Oakland (+7)

I guess Al Davis wants it to come as no surprise when he finally, mercifully, and cold-heartedly decides to fire Lane Kiffin, after stringing the young head coach along for what seems like an eternity. Kiffin has adamantly refused to quit, and has basically called Davis' bluff, forcing the obviously scenile owner of the Raiders to lay his cards on the table. I'm guessing one of those cards is 'Death' from a tarot deck, and I'm almost certain Davis' image is on that card.

"As a head coach," says Norv Turner, "I'm disgusted at Kiffin's treatment. When a coach is treated so cruelly and heartlessly, nothing good can come of it. Now, someone remind how I got this job."

Oakland's Lane Kiffin has repeated his stance that he will not resign, and will remain as head coach until Al Davis saves up enough breath to say the words "You're fired."

"I'd have to hear those words directly from Al," says Kiffin. "Donald Trump won't do. Trust me, I won't be surprised if Al fires me. I mean, I've been on the 'hot seat' since the day I was hired, so I'm bound to combust any time now. But I will not say the words 'I quit.' Those words have been said by some great people, like Roberto Duran, Terry Funk, and Emperor Edward VIII. I won't abdicate my throne. If Al wants me out of here, he'll have to pry my cold, unusually pale buttocks off the crapper himself."

San Diego wins, 26-20.

Buffalo @ St. Louis (+9½)

The Bills are 3-0 for the first time since 1992 after pulling out a come-from-behind 24-23 over the Raiders last Sunday on Rian Lindell's 38-yard field goal as time, and possibly Raider head coach Lane Kiffin's tenure, expired. This Sunday, Buffalo, with a win, will improve to 4-0, and a win could result in another head coach's potential firing, as the Rams Scott Linehan stands on the shaky ground of an 0-3 St. Louis start to the season.

"Linehan should be proud of what he's done here in St. Louis," says Dick Jauron. "He's singlehandedly turned St. Louis into a hockey town."

Last week, St. Louis receiver Torry Holt challenged the Rams offensive line to play better after Marc Bulger had been sacked 10 times in two games. The line played much better, allowing only one sack, but the offense was still anemic, scoring only 13 in a 37-13 loss to the Seahawks. Some members of the offensive line resented Holt's outspokenness, including veteran Orlando Pace.

"I respect Torry's leadership," says Pace, "but isn't this the same guy who was duped into wearing makeup for a fashion shoot on a Monday Night Football prank a few years ago? And isn't he the guy who's always being tackled by a fast-food mascot? Sure, the Burger King's a big hitter, but he wears a cape. Come on."

Linehan's day gets off to a bad start, as he is met with a chorus of boo's upon entering the stadium. But it gets better fast, as seconds later, Linehan realizes the fans were reacting to Ryder Cup hero Boo Weekly taking a bow.

"And to think," says Linehan, "I thought Boo Weekly was a Halloween trade magazine."

Trent Green gets the start for the Rams, and leads the Rams to a dizzying start, as they take a 3-0 lead on a Josh Brown field goal. But the Bills, behind Marshawn Lynch, soon take charge, and win, 24-18.

Washington @ Dallas (-11)

With a commanding 27-16 win over the Packers in Green Bay, the Cowboys have distanced themselves from the rest of the NFC as the conference's strongest team. What does that mean? Very little right now, but suffice it to say the Giants have the Cowboys right where they want them.

"We've made no secret of the fact that anything less than a Super Bowl win will be considered a failure," says Dallas owner Jerry Jones, 20 years and a wagonload of senility from becoming the next Al Davis. "Losing to the Giants last year left a bitter taste in our mouths. We don't want to experience that feeling again, and we darn sure don't want to see Terrell Owens cry ever again. What we do want are fans willing to mortgage their future and surrender their first-born in order to obtain the right to buy a seat in our new stadium opening in Arlington in 2009."

After dropping their opener to the Giants, the Redskins have bounced back with a flourish with two straight wins, and Jason Campbell has answered the critics who have labeled him a player not suited for the rigors of being a quarterback in the NFL. For two straight weeks, Campbell has thrown game-winning, fourth quarter touchdown passes to Santana Moss.

"If I could do that for a third-straight game," says Campbell, "it would be awesome. I've always wanted to beat the Cowboys in Texas Stadium, especially in the fourth quarter, when that Jerry Jones emerges from his cocoon and starts patrolling the sidelines. We've got an owner, Dan Snyder, who does the same thing, the only difference being he doesn't know a darn thing about football. The bottom line is both of these teams have creepy owners. As creepy as Chris Cooley's study habits? I don't think so, but pretty darn creepy."

The Cowboy/Redskins contest is always a spectacle, and the pre-game festivities match the hype, as Dallas Mavericks star Josh Howard and celebrity tub of lard Roseanne Barr share national anthem duties. Then, at halftime, Jessica Simpson hosts a banana-eating contest between the Cowgirls. Dallas wins, 35-27.

Philadelphia @ Chicago (+2½)

Donovan McNabb, a Chicago native, returns to the Windy City to face the Bears on NBC's Sunday Night Football, home of the largest collection of NFL talking heads on television. McNabb, when healthy, embodies the spirit and determination of Illinois' most populous city, and his pride in the Windy City shows most often when he is "blowing" chunks. McNabb became the Eagles' leading touchdown passer in Philly's 15-6 win over the Steelers last Sunday.

"I'm certainly honored to hold that position," says McNabb. "But the fact that I passed Ron Jaworski for the honor takes much of the luster off of the accomplishment. Then again, Jaws is one of my favorite movies. Anyway, I know the Bears will be coming after me, but I think if we can go into the fourth quarter trailing, I think we'll have the Bears right where we want them."

The Eagles are being touted by many as Super Bowl contenders. If you were to take their offensive performance against Dallas and their defensive performance against Pittsburgh, then you do have a Super Bowl contender. Right now, though, Philly should be concentrating on just making the playoffs. And this game could be very important down the road. Let's assume the NFC East puts three teams in the playoffs. That final wild card spot will come down to some sort of tiebreaker against an NFC East team, and another team. Well, we know the East team deserves the spot, but a head-to-head tiebreaker could end up costing that East team.

Let's see — Donovan McNabb or Kyle Orton? Advantage McNabb over what most consider just an Orton-ary quarterback, but I give Orton one edge — the ability to hold his liquor. He's never puked on a football field. David Akers kicks four field goals, and the Eagles win, 19-17.

Baltimore @ Pittsburgh (-7½)

This is how the AFC North is supposed to look, with the lowly Browns and Bengals set to wildly score points at will on Sunday, and the Steelers hosting the Ravens in a game surely to be characterized by defense and hard-hitting brutality. The Steelers are bound to be steamed after being out-muscled 15-6 by the Eagles, a game in which Ben Roethlisberger was sacked 9 times.

"It's not football season until Hines Ward blindsides Ed Reed with a cheap block," says Steelers head coach Mike Tomlin, who has hired self-help guru Mr. Obvious to whisper into his ear when it's time to kick a field goal. "But Ed's from Miami, the 'U,' which stands for 'U' deserve it."

"To say we're banged up for this is a gross understatement. Casey Hampton is out and Willie Parker is out. And Big Ben, well, he feels like he crashed into the windshield of the Philly defense without a helmet. But he's gonna play. Good grief, we can't have Byron Leftwich running the show. Byron's known as the Marshall quarterback who had his teammates carry him down the field for the next play when he was too hurt to run. If he plays too much for us, I'm afraid his teammates may end up carrying him off the field."

The Ravens are undefeated at 2-0, but those two wins came against teams that are a combined 0-6. And the Ravens start a rookie quarterback. So, as to whether the Ravens are serious playoff contenders, well, the jury's still out.

"The jury's still out?" says Ray Lewis. "Uh oh."

Don't worry, Ray. You were exonerated of that crime.

"Well, if I was, I didn't feel a thing.

No, you weren't "executed."

"Whew! That was close."

As previously mentioned, the Ravens start a rookie quarterback, Joe Flacco, former QB and BMOC at the University of Delaware. While there, Flacco set several school records, and had his image forever immortalized in a painting titled Flacco Crossing the Delaware. Sure, it was just a rendering a Flacco crossing the U. of Delaware quad, but it cemented his status as an icon at the school.

"Joe's college exploits mean nothing in the NFL," says Baltimore head coach Joe Harbaugh. "So he spent a difficult winter in Valley Forge? Big deal. Admitted to cutting down a cherry tree? That's just common decency. Until he wins a Super Bowl, he'll be just another quarterback. I'm not asking him to do anymore than Trent Dilfer was asked to do when the Ravens won the Super Bowl. And that's just to take a few safe exchanges from center, get us into punting range, and get the the bench for a good seat to watch the defense operate. He's done that very well so far."

Can Flacco handle the kind of pressure he'll see from the Steeler defense? Can Roethlisberger take much more punishment? Will the game ultimately come down to a battle between Leftwich and Baltimore second-team quarterback Todd Bauman? Tomlin's got a cheat sheet with all the answers, but like his others, the answers are probably wrong. Pittsburgh wins, 18-13.

Posted by Jeffrey Boswell at 11:51 AM | Comments (5)

The Long, Strange Trip of Matt Millen

I was going to entitle this column, "At Last, Our Long National Nightmare is Over," but damn it, the incomparable Kissing Suzy Kolber blog beat me to it (they made it one of their blog tags on the Millen story, rather than the headline)

I'm not a Lions fan, but my goodness has my heart bled for those fans for years and years and years.

In Millen's first year, 2001, the Lions regressed from 9-7 and a narrow miss at the playoffs to 2-14, a very ugly sendoff for the venerable Pontiac Silverdome. The christening of Fold Field the following year saw the team improve to a sparkling 3-13 record.

Two years of near-league worst records is often enough to lead to the ouster of many coaches and executives — Cam Cameron was let go as the Dolphins head coach after just one 1-15 season in charge — but Millen rode the wave another year, and head coach Marty Mornhinweg was fired instead.

2003 was another stinker at 5-11. During Millen's first three years in charge, the Lions won nary a single road game; their 24-straight road losses remains a league record. Surely, with now historically bad results, Millen must not be retained.

But no; another double-digit loss season, thanks in large part to horrendous draft picks Millen is widely credited with being responsible for (Charles Rogers, Mike Williams, Joey Harrington), and Millen, stunningly, is given a three-year contract extension.

With that, Lions fans rightfully lost their minds. It's one thing to be patient to the extreme in trying to turn a losing football franchise into a winner. It's another to actually reward an executive after 16 victories in four years.

To understand how the contract extension happened, you have to understand William Clay Ford, Sr., owner of the Lions. I can't claim to know him, but I can glean certain things from the facts.

1) Ford is 83 and was 75 when he hired Millen. I'm not really sure how sharp he is or has been over the past decade, but he seems to get around well enough. His prime was in the '40s and he fought in World War II. I would have to think loyalty means something more to him than future generations. That sounds like a compliment, but I don't mean it to be.

2) Here's an interesting Millen retrospective photo gallery . There's several photos therein of Ford and Millen together, and in almost every one, Ford is regarding Millen with a beatific smile on his face. Ford clearly loves the guy. If we haven't benefited from it ourselves, we at least know people who have been kept on jobs much longer than they should've because for one reason or another, they caught the apple of the boss's eye.

3) This isn't the first time Ford has kept on key personnel long, long after they outstayed their usefulness. Russ Thomas was GM of the Lions from 1966 to 1989. In that span, the Lions did not win a single playoff game. Ford purchased the Lions in 1964. Thomas died in 1991.

So the 2005 contract extension was perhaps not so surprising, but it did enrage the Lions' fan base. 2005 is when the "Fire Millen" movement picked up steam, helped along by gestapo Ford Field security guards ejecting fans holding "Fire Millen" signs. A "Millen Man march" was organized. Lion fans would wear the colors of the opposing team to home games. They would stage halftime walkouts.

But as Millen remained in 2005, 2006, and 2007 (5-11, 3-13, 7-9 with a 1-7 finish), the Fire Millen movement did not simply spread, but became a solidarity movement among sports fans from across the country and across sports. "Fire Millen" chants would ring out from the Staples Center in Los Angeles to the Verizon Center in Washington, DC, usually when the opposing team was from Detroit, but sometimes not. Of course, fans of the Vikings, Packers. and Bears would come to the games with "Keep Millen" signs and chants.

Now it's over, according to the AP, cars zipping past Lions headquarters in Allen Park, and Michigan today cheerfully beeping their horns.

"I've been a season-ticket holder for 28 years and because they fired Matt Millen, I'm going to renew. This is the happiest day of my life," said one fan, Eddie Gates.

One has to wonder if a big part of Millen might not be actually relieved. Although as of this writing it does not appear Millen has talked to the press, his wife has, stating that they are "fine" and that her husband has been let out of "football prison."

In fact, it's the Lions fans who have been set free.

Posted by Kevin Beane at 11:35 AM | Comments (0)

September 24, 2008

Stating the Obvious: Campus Wrapup

The first month of the college football season has given us more than our fair share of thrills and excitement. USC is still good, Michigan is not as good, and the mid-majors conferences are letting the big boys in the Big Six know that life on Saturdays might not let them slide. Here's the rundown on what we know:

* USC is really good. Maybe better than most are willing to admit. Popular opinion had them walking out of Charlottesville in Week 1 with a blowout win over UVA, but even without Chris Wells, no one would imagine that their showdown with Ohio State would be that wide-open. QB Mark Sanchez (510 yards, 7 TDs) has emerged as a hot Heisman candidate. With Joe McKnight and C.J. Gable as great tandem at running back and Damien Williams emerging as Sanchez's go-to receiver, the Trojans might actually be better than initially advertised.

The defense? Only giving up one TD in two games and with Oregon State and Oregon in back-to-back weeks, Sanchez and the Trojans offense might roll up huge numbers. It's shameful to look ahead, but with the faltering Arizona State and Oregon taking a big hit first with Justin Roper going down, and then with the beating they took from Boise State, the Trojans might be looking to bull-rush the table and head into the Rose Bowl against troubled UCLA looking to make their resume well-known. Applicants, please step your game up.

* Georgia has shown all the makings of a tough, tough squad. The 'Dawgs haven't looked remarkable in big wins over inferior opponents in the first two games and a nail-biter at South Carolina last week, but with their 27-10 win Saturday at Arizona State, they've proved that they're ready for the long-haul. Being able to win a cliffhanger in conference and a hyped out of conference game on the road are impressive. Matthew Stafford hasn't exactly been lighting in up, but with Knowshon Moreno and that stingy defense, he's been all that they've needed, playing efficient and big when need him. A.J. Green has really been a force early for Stafford, and lookout: head coach Mark Richt has called for a blackout in Sanford Stadium from his team and the 'Dawg faithful as the Crimson Tide come marching between the hedges Saturday night on ESPN.

* Speaking of Alabama, how good is has their recruiting class been? The Tide went into Fayetteville and whipped up on Arkansas to improve to 4-0 and the performance of the top freshman has continued to be the story. Freshmen Mark Ingram and Julio Jones have been pleasant surprises and John Parker Wilson has had the perfect start to his senior season. Throw in Glen Coffee, who leads the Tide in rushing and an opportunistic defense that can jump on mistakes, and 'Bama is riding high. They'll have to be on their "A" game this Saturday when they head into Georgia to dance with the 'Dawgs in Athens.

* The top half of the Big 12 could provide for riveting theater later this season. Texas and Oklahoma aside, Texas Tech, Missouri, and Kansas could make the race just that much more interesting. The upstart Red Raiders will be licking their chops after the 'Horns and Sooners renew hostilities in the Red River Rivalry in a couple of weeks. With a victory over the winner of that game, they could take pole position in the Big 12 South. As for Missouri, life is grand with Chase Daniel giving the Tigers the spark to be in the top five for much of the season. A date in Austin on Oct. 18 looms large as does the Border War with the Jayhawks, but if Daniel continues to make plays, looking like the lap 1 leader in the Heisman race, they could find themselves back in title hunt for the second straight year.

* The WAC has come to play this season. Boise State rolled off 24 points in the second quarter to stun Oregon at home. Couple that with Fresno State beating up Rutgers at home in Week 1, barely losing to Wisconsin at home, and pulling out a thriller against Toledo, and the WAC is off to a good start in their BCS-busting campaign. Fresno State has a chance to further their credentials with a date against UCLA in the Rose Bowl this Saturday.

* Florida will have a day of mourning when Phillip Fulmer is no longer coach at Tennessee. The Gators rolled again over the Vols in Knoxville. Not much else to report here. But Brandon James does it again.

Week 4 was a great week. Alabama/Georgia, TCU/Oklahoma, and Illinois/Penn State should provide some great primetime action on Saturday.

Posted by Brian Cox at 11:39 AM | Comments (0)

NASCAR Top 10 Power Rankings: Week 28

Note: the quotes in this article are fictional.

1. Greg Biffle — After a furious late-race shootout with Roush Fenway Racing teammates Carl Edwards and Matt Kenseth, Biffle won for the second-straight race and has his guns blazing in search of the Sprint Cup title.

"It only took me 26 races to prove it," says Biffle, "but I'm finally able to live up to what I've been saying all year: 'Nobody beats the Biff,' nobody beats the Biff.' I can really get used to spending time in victory lane. Sure, the wins are nice, but it's even sweeter cozying up to Miss Sprint Cup and hearing her tell me that 'I'm the greatest.' I bet she says that to all the guys. That's perfectly okay with me, as long as her definition of 'all the guys' does not include Tony Stewart."

2. Carl Edwards — Edwards may have lost any chance to win Sunday at Dover when crew chief Bob Osborne called for two tires instead of four during a late pit stop. Edwards was unable to hold off Greg Biffle and Matt Kenseth, who each took four tires, down the stretch and finished third. Still, Edwards took sole possession of the point standing, and now leads Biffle and Jimmie Johnson by ten points.

"I can't fault Osborne for his decision," says Edwards. "He was only doing what he thought best for this team. It failed, but at least it didn't cost us 100 points, like the last time he had some brilliant idea. But we're in first, and if you would have asked me two weeks ago where I wanted to be after two Chase races, I would have said 'in first.' And to be 210 points ahead of Kyle Busch makes it all that much sweeter."

3. Jimmie Johnson — Johnson finished fifth at Dover, unable to challenge the Roush Fenway juggernaut that swept the top three, but his second top-five finish of the Chase kept him well within the hunt for his third consecutive Cup title. Johnson is tied with Greg Biffle, 10 points behind points leader Carl Edwards.

"It looks like it may be me against the Roush Fenway empire," says Johnson. "Those guys were strong all day, fittingly on the day when Fenway rival the New York Yankees played their last game in Yankee Stadium. With several 1.5-mile tracks upcoming on the schedule, the Roush cars should continue to do well. And that could be their downfall. I hear Jack Roush couldn't quite decide in which pit stall he should be present when the winner took the checkers. You know he wanted to be in Edwards' stall, but that didn't quite work out. The point is, with Biffle's success, Jack's allegiances are split in two, and with Kenseth running up front, he could be pulled in three directions. Luckily, I'm Hendrick Motorsports only hope, so I can expect Rick Hendrick's full attention. That is, when he's not talking Dale Earnhardt, Jr. down from a ledge."

4. Jeff Burton — Burton finished ninth at Dover and moved up one place in the points to fourth, where he is 82 behind leader Carl Edwards. Burton overcame a mediocre qualifying effort of 21st, then had to return to the pits to correct some loose lug-nuts, but otherwise turned in a solid effort.

"Given a better qualifying effort and no pit errors," says Burton, "I'm still not sure we could have challenged for the win. I don't think the No. 31 AT&T Chevy was good enough to win, but then again, has it ever been?"

5. Kevin Harvick — Harvick recorded his eighth consecutive top-10 finish, the longest current streak among all drivers, with a sixth in the Camping World RV 400. Harvick leapt five places in the standings, from 10th to fifth, and is 101 out of first.

"That was some mighty fine racing there at the end," says Harvick. "I just wish I could have been a part of it. With NASCAR's new testing policy, in which there is no list of banned substances, we might as well get used to the fact that there will be more 'passing' on the track than 'passing' of drug tests. No list of banned substances? How the heck will guys like Aaron Fike know which drugs they are forbidden to drive a Craftsman truck under the influence of? It's ridiculous. Do you mean to tell me the 'King,' Richard Petty, might have to think twice before inhaling a packet of BC Powder through a straw?"

6. Matt Kenseth — Kenseth led a race-high 136 laps, but succumbed to the charge of Roush Fenway teammate Greg Biffle, who passed Kenseth for the lead on lap 392. Kenseth finished second, rebounding from a 40th last week in New Hampshire that left him last in the Chase standings. Kenseth is now 10th, 167 out of first.

"After registering such as dismal finish in New Hampshire," says Kenseth, "I knew Dover was a 'do or die' situation for me. A good finish was imperative. I really felt like I was running for my life there at the end, and with Carl Edwards chasing me, I got such an uneasy feeling a déjà vu that I think it made me go faster."

7. Jeff Gordon — Gordon started on the pole for Sunday's Camping World RV 400 at Dover and led the first 30 laps, but was never a threat to win thereafter. Once again, handling issues victimized the No. 24 DuPont Chevrolet, and despite racing in the top 10 for most of the day, Gordon was fated to remain winless this year. He is now eighth in the point standings, 118 behind Carl Edwards.

"We're not ready to throw in the towel just yet," says Gordon. "But we do have in laundered and folded nicely, just in case. You may have heard that the No. 24 team will have a new paint scheme in 2009. I'm excited about that. I'm hoping that the No. 24 DuPont car will look drastically different from its current incarnation. That way, maybe Steve Letarte won't recognize it and will leave it alone."

8. Clint Bowyer — Bowyer finished eighth at Dover, joining Richard Childress Racing teammates Kevin Harvick and Jeff Burton in the top 10. Bowyer is sixth in the points, 106 out of first, and RCR drivers occupy 4-6 in the standings.

"Testosterone. A new drug policy. Banned substances," says Bowyer. "Who says NASCAR drivers aren't legitimate athletes? If drivers want something to put a little hair on their chests, then the simplest, and only legal, remedy, is multiple shots of Jack Daniels. I'm fairly certain Jack is not on NASCAR's 'nonexistent list of banned substances.' Or is that a 'list of nonexistent banned substances.' I'm sure I'm not the only one confused."

9. Tony Stewart — Stewart was the lone bright spot for Joe Gibbs Racing, bringing an 11th while teammates Denny Hamlin and Kyle Busch finished 38th and 43rd respectively. Stewart is now 113 points out of first in seventh place.

"Experience matters," says Stewart. "Whether it's driving in the Chase or sweet-talking an apprehensive 22-year-old groupie into your hauler, it always helps to have done it before. I've done both lots, with mixed results, and often with someone getting slapped."

10. (tie) Kyle Busch/Dale Earnhardt, Jr. — Busch's blown engine left him last at Dover and last in the Chase field, and all but ended his hopes for the Sprint Cup title. Busch is 210 points out of first, and now has eight races to think about the tragic end to such a promising season. Earnhardt blew a tire on lap 141, spun and hit the wall. He finished 24th, three laps down, and is ninth in the point standings, 129 out of first.

"It's always tough racing here anyway," says Earnhardt, "even without mechanical failures. 'Miles the Monster' takes no prisoners, nor does the track's secondary mascot, 'Ben Dover,' which perfectly describes what Kyle and I were relegated to doing. When your tire or engines goes, you've got no choice but to bend over and take it."

Posted by Jeffrey Boswell at 11:31 AM | Comments (0)

September 23, 2008

NFL Week 3 Power Rankings

Five Quick Hits

* The Jets really missed Kris Jenkins on Monday night. Jenkins left the game early in the first quarter with a back injury.

* We all learned on Monday night that Brett Favre has never led a 14-point comeback. Not that those are commonplace, but after 250 games, you'd think a guy with Favre's reputation would have done it at some point.

* No one in the NFC East has lost to anyone from another division.

* Week 3: Revenge of the 0-2's. The Dolphins, Jags, Chargers, Vikings, and Seahawks all got off the schneid, while Oakland and Cincinnati played well in defeat. The Lions, Rams, Browns, and Chiefs continued to suck. In fact, the Chiefs look worse every week.

* Someone please rescue Tyler Thigpen from his coach. The kid cannot play in the NFL right now. Don't make him try.

***

Could the 2-1 Eagles be the best team in football? If the defense plays the rest of the season the way it did against Pittsburgh in Week 3, you bet they could. The Steelers rushed for 33 yards with a 1.7 average, got sacked 9 times, barely completed half their passes, committed three turnovers, and didn't score a touchdown. Everyone's talking about those sacks, but Philadelphia has the top rush defense in the NFL, by a wide margin of almost 20 yards per game and ½-yard per carry.

The Eagles' pass rush was obviously phenomenal on Sunday, but their success was as much a function of Pittsburgh's deficiencies as it was of Philadelphia's good play. As early as Week 1, pass protection seemed like a potential weak point for the Steelers. Jim Johnson, the Eagles' superb defensive coordinator, decided to test it early and often this weekend, and he almost got Ben Roethlisberger killed. I've never seen Big Ben so rattled and off his game, and I don't blame him.

Part of the blame goes to Ben and his coaching staff, who needed to make adjustments to protect Roethlisberger, but most of it falls on the offensive line. It may not be fair to single anyone out, since the whole line was abysmal, but center Justin Hartwig looked totally lost. The Eagles were dropping people into coverage, and Hartwig kept committing to them, so he wouldn't end up blocking anybody. Again, though, there's blame to go around, and plenty of credit to Philadelphia's defense. Johnson deserves a ton of praise for his aggressive strategy. Remember, it was Johnson who gave the rest of the league a blueprint for dealing with New England last season, too.

Let's get on to the power rankings. Brackets show previous rank.

1. Dallas Cowboys [2] — Last week, I dropped them from the top position because of their weak defensive performance against Philadelphia. After they handled the Packers, they're back on top. This offensive line is incredible. I do think Washington has the potential to give them trouble in Week 4.

2. Philadelphia Eagles [3] — The primary concern has to be Brian Westbrook's health. Their offense didn't look the same after he left Sunday's game, and with three tough games coming up before the bye, the Eagles need him. Rookie WR DeSean Jackson continues to impress, but he made another stupid play this weekend, running out of bounds when the Eagles were trying to run out the clock.

3. New York Giants [1] — I hate leaving them this high after they needed overtime to beat Cincinnati, but I don't know who else to move up. I'd like to see a little more from Eli Manning. He was great in the playoffs last year, and if the Giants are going to be competitive in the NFC East this season, he needs to be great like that. "Pretty good" isn't enough.

4. Tennessee Titans [6] — Am I underestimating a great defensive team? It's certainly possible. But the teams they've beaten have a combined record of 1-7. If they win against Minnesota and at Baltimore in their next two games, I will be plenty impressed, and that will show up in a top-three ranking.

5. Green Bay Packers [4] — Outclassed against the Cowboys, but two players really stepped up to the challenge. Defensive lineman Cullen Jenkins was everywhere on Sunday night, while cornerback Charles Woodson, playing with an injured toe, effectively shut down Terrell Owens. The other starting corner, Al Harris, may miss the rest of the season with a ruptured spleen. Injuries are starting to mount in the defensive backfield, and Harris is a major loss. I'm not at all sure they should still be ranked this high, but their Week 4 matchup with Tampa should tell us a lot about both teams.

6. Pittsburgh Steelers [5] — The defense is terrific, but the offense needs to clean up those pass protection issues immediately. Big Ben has been sacked 17 times in his last three meetings with Baltimore, whom the Steelers will face in Week 4. John Harbaugh and Rex Ryan are not going to call off the dogs, and if Pittsburgh's blocking isn't better, Roethlisberger and Byron Leftwich are going to get hurt.

7. Denver Broncos [8] — Their offense is ranked second in the NFL, passing and rushing effectively, but the defense seems vulnerable. They've played two good offenses in the last two games, but giving up 30 points twice in a row is always cause for concern, and opposing QBs have a 114.9 passer rating against this defense. The good news for Denver is that, looking at the schedule, I'm not sure when their defense going to be seriously tested.

8. San Diego Chargers [9] — Norv Turner tried to give this game away. After their first series in the third quarter, the Chargers ran the ball on every first down, usually into the middle of the Jets' line, and San Diego played prevent defense throughout the second half. Turner even iced his own kicker! The Chargers' offense looks great, but their kick coverage and defense do not. San Diego's 94 points allowed are worse than everyone but Detroit and St. Louis. That's bad company to keep.

9. Buffalo Bills [11] — Apparently, I had them ranked too low last week, because no one deserves to move up after needing a last-second field goal to beat the Raiders. What's strange is that Buffalo so utterly dominated the game, without showing it on the scoreboard. They out-gained the Raiders by over 100 yards, had more than twice as many first downs, and had a nine-minute edge in time of possession. The problem? Turnovers. Cut those out, and the Bills could be a contender in the wide-open AFC.

10. Washington Redskins [17] — The Saints and Cardinals have exceptional passing attacks, and in the last two weeks, Washington's defense effectively contained both of them. I am quickly becoming a big believer in this defense. It's nice to see Jason Campbell running with the football; that's a real strength of his, and it should open up additional opportunities in the passing game. Washington is a league-best +5 in turnovers.

11. Minnesota Vikings [16] — They're 1-2, and ranked ahead of a Colts team that beat them at home last week. Part of the reason they're this high is because I believe this is a different, better team with Gus Frerotte at quarterback, but their victory over Carolina had little to do with Frerotte. Minnesota's defense held the Panthers to 2.4 yards per carry, sacked Jake Delhomme five times, and returned a fumble for a touchdown.

12. Jacksonville Jaguars [15] — Finally looked like last year's Jags, attacking a weak run defense and putting up big numbers, as Fred Taylor and Maurice Jones-Drew both ran for over 100 yards. David Garrard continued to struggle, and now has 4 interceptions with only 1 touchdown.

13. Carolina Panthers [10] — Committed 12 penalties against Minnesota. Jake Delhomme has not looked good this season. I know the team fell apart without him last year, so I'm not sure how much of this is his fault, but Carolina's passing game has really not been productive. Delhomme has a 74.7 passer rating and has only thrown for 1 touchdown.

14. Indianapolis Colts [12] — They've played against three good defenses, but it seems clear now that Peyton Manning is not 100%. His completion percentage is down, his yards per attempt are down, he has more interceptions than touchdowns, and his passer rating is 73.1. It's too early to cry fire, but the Colts had better hope that an early bye does their team some good.

15. Arizona Cardinals [13] — I am not giving up on the Cardinals. I still think this is a pretty good team, and I still believe it's going to win the NFC West. Pass defense does look like an area of concern.

16. Tampa Bay Buccaneers [19] — Brian Griese threw 29 incomplete passes and 3 interceptions, they only rushed for 47 yards, the defense allowed over 400 yards, and they won. Wait, what?

17. Chicago Bears [14] — Close losses are not moral victories in the NFL, and they've followed up their opening-night win over the Colts with a pair of heart-breaking three-point losses. Rookie RB Matt Forte continues to impress, and despite what Griese's 407 yards might lead you to believe, the defense looks great. The problems are a combination of bad luck, lack of killer instinct, and deficiencies in their pass attack. Kyle Orton isn't Dan Marino, but some blame goes to the offensive line and receiving corps, too. The Bears have lost at least one game they should have won.

18. New Orleans Saints [18] — Reggie Bush is starting to look a lot like the player he was hyped to be out of USC, but he only plays on offense, and this defense needs a lot of work.

19. Baltimore Ravens [23] — The defense is wonderful and fantastic and smells like pretty flowers, and all of that. But they're going to beat the Steelers with a passing game that went for 129 yards and two interceptions against Cleveland? There are going to be about a million sacks when the Ravens travel to Pittsburgh this week. I think it will be a close game, and the Steelers are going to have real problems with their passing attack, but at least they have a passing attack. I'm not sure Baltimore does.

20. San Francisco 49ers [24] — How on earth was Sunday the first time I have heard someone call Frank Gore "The Inconvenient Truth?" I think that's my new favorite nickname in the NFL. In my fantasy draft, Gore was taken right after Clinton. Portis. That looks funny on a spreadsheet.

21. New England Patriots [7] — Tom Jackson nailed it: "They gonna play anybody tougher than the Miami Dolphins in New England?" If they can't beat the Dolphins at home, can they count on beating anyone? New England has yet to score 20 points in a game this season.

22. Seattle Seahawks [25] — The Rams have lost by 35, 28, and 24 (to Seattle). I'm not sure how much this victory really tells us about the Seahawks, but it's a lot better than getting blown out in your opener or losing in overtime to a division rival. Most teams don't like early byes, but Seattle's comes at a good time. It's worth sacrificing whatever momentum they got from beating the Rams in order to get some of those receivers ready to play.

23. New York Jets [21] — If you turned off the tv right after the game on Monday night, you missed a pretty good discussion of the game from Emmitt Smith and Steve Young. One of their more interesting topics was Favre's poor play while the game was still close. His decent stats for the game are misleading, because he was efficient in garbage time. Favre had 159 yards and a 64.3 passer rating in the first three quarters. When San Diego had the game comfortably in hand at 38-14, Favre threw for another 112 yards and a 132.5 passer rating in the fourth quarter.

24. Cleveland Browns [20] — Offense is ranked 32nd in both yards and points. Derek Anderson, a Pro Bowler last year, has a dismal 43.5 passer rating. Is it time to bench him for Brady Quinn? No. Give Anderson one more week. If he still can't produce against the Bengals, bench him and get Quinn ready during the Week 5 bye.

25. Houston Texans [22] — Losses to Pittsburgh and Tennessee are nothing to be ashamed of, but getting blown out twice in two games (outscored 69-29) is cause for pretty serious concern. Matt Schaub is off to a miserable start (1 TD, 5 INT).

26. Atlanta Falcons [26] — They have two blowout wins, but beating the Lions and Chiefs doesn't even count right now. Their preseason victory over Tennessee is more impressive. Matt Ryan and Michael Turner are off to really nice starts, and John Abraham has been a beast on defense, but I don't believe that the Falcons will be successful against real teams.

27. Miami Dolphins [29] — The Patriots lost to the Dolphins, the Dolphins lost to the Jets, and the Jets lost to the Patriots. What does it mean? It means these are probably three pretty evenly matched teams, and I think they're all pretty bad. I suspect that Sunday's game told us a lot more about the Patriots than the Dolphins. All the same, I wouldn't want to be Ted Cottrell in Week 5, trying to prepare for that crazy offense Miami showed this week.

28. Oakland Raiders [27] — They've shown real life the last two weeks, smoking Kansas City and taking Buffalo to the wire. But the uncertainty concerning Lane Kiffin's head coaching job needs to end. For all I know, he's been fired by the time you're reading this. Either Al Davis should publicly commit to Kiffin through at least the end of the season — and that seems like the most reasonable course of action at this point — or he should fire him and be done with it. The constant speculation has a sideshow feel to it.

29. Cincinnati Bengals [30] — I don't know what came over them in Week 3. They certainly didn't seem like the Bengals we saw in the first two weeks of the season. It's often said that good teams find a way to win even when they have a bad day. The Bengals are a bad team that found a way to lose even when they had a good day.

30. Kansas City Chiefs [28] — Ugh. Really, couldn't they be 32nd? I have them ahead of Detroit and St. Louis because they were actually competitive in one of their games, but they're basically an F+. It's still failing.

31. Detroit Lions [31] — To pick out one of many problems, consider that they committed 9 penalties on Sunday, including three that gave the 49ers first downs. I'm not sure there is anything good about this team. I guess Calvin Johnson looks all right, but Detroit's culture of losing is going to suck him in and ruin him. Fire Matt Millen.

32. St. Louis Rams [32] — The good news is that the teams they've lost to are pretty good, except for maybe the Seahawks. The bad news is everything else. They're 31st in offense and dead-last in defense and they have yet to lose by less than 24.

Posted by Brad Oremland at 11:52 AM | Comments (5)

September 22, 2008

"Fort Apache, Yankee Stadium"

Once upon a time, when chaos graduated to bedlam in the bowels of what Art Rust, Jr. used to call the big ball orchard in the Bronx, the still-somewhat-new general manager of the team in Queens surveyed the mayhem and — referencing a popular (though Lord only knew why) action film of the time — pronounced the orchard "Fort Apache, Yankee Stadium."

The fort's commanding officer (no, silly, not the manager) was not amused. Of course, in that time and place he was not very much amusing. Even the gags about his throwing out the first manager of the season had worn out their welcome already, a point said commanding officer ignored for, oh, about most of the next decade.

All this season's eulogizing the big ball orchard in the Bronx has been gushy, mushy, sentimental, and mostly on the mark. Never mind that, technically speaking, the House That Ruth Built (actually, it was built for him, opening in 1923, with particular attention paid to making life simple enough for his left-handed power stroke) became the House That Ruthless Rebuilt (with a lot of help from New York City's strapped taxpayers) in 1975-76.

The Yankees would have loved nothing better than to close their longtime mansion with a trip to the postseason. You can thank injuries and ill-timed slumps, perhaps an ill-timed benching or two, for that. (They're already debating whether manager Joe Girardi waited too long to send indifferent Robinson Cano to the pine.)

But it isn't as though Yankee Stadium is necessarily lacking in championship seasons. Or other kinds of seasons. There certainly have been enough of a boatload of Yankee Stadium doings and undoings, in or around the place, to cover half the width of the Harlem River. We'll bet you didn't hear about half of them in the course of the season-long hosannas.

"Mr. Gehrig is Badly Underpaid" — That was Joe DiMaggio's quiet reply, before the 1938 season, when owner Jacob Ruppert, trying to quell DiMaggio's salary holdout — the Clipper was looking for $40,000 for the season; Gehrig's contract would pay him $39,000 — sought to force DiMaggio to accept $25,000 and not a penny more by quoting him Gehrig's salary.

DiMaggio eventually signed after Ruppert threatened to suspend him, but the holdout actually turned DiMaggio into something of a hate object, with no little help from manager Joe McCarthy, who was fool enough to say, "The Yankees can get along without DiMaggio."

(For equals in the annals of foolish commentary you'd have to fast forward to M. Donald Grant, the unlamented Mets general manager, saying during Tom Seaver's contract contretemps, when Seaver pressed the Mets concurrently to dip a little into the rising free agency market, at a time the farm system was parched and the trade market low, "We won a World Series without superstars and we'll do it again.")

Scoot! — Maybe Phil Rizzuto was over-the-hill as a player by 1956-57. But general manager George Weiss and manager Casey Stengel calling him in to ask him to suggest a roster cut to make room for Enos Slaughter — while rejecting his suggestions, one and all, until the Scooter was left to get the distinct impression that he was the cut they had in mind — was something even George Steinbrenner at his worst might not have thought to pull.

To his credit, however, Rizzuto refused to divorce himself from the Yankee organization ... and signed on as a broadcaster, impressing Red Barber (who'd joined the Yankees after the 1953 World Series) when he approached Barber at once and asked him to teach him all he could, all he knew.

Hats Off — Weiss was so insensitive to the thought that maybe the Yankee image might need a little humanizing that, for years, he refused to sanction the sale of replica Yankee caps for kids. That kind of thinking goes a long way toward explaining why the Yankees of the era might have been mighty and unavoidable but weren't necessarily anywhere near lovable.

A Night at the Copa — Celebrating Billy Martin's birthday, a group of Yankees and their wives took in Sammy Davis, Jr. at the Copacabana after earlier stops for dinner at Danny's Hideaway and to catch Johnnie Ray at the Waldorf. It should have been a pleasant evening all around but for someone apparently hurling racial epithets at Davis, offending the Yankee party in general and outfielder Hank Bauer in particular.

The short take: Bauer barked at the drunk to shut up, after one of the drunk's racial barbs actually prompted a comeback from Davis. ("I want to thank you very much for that remark. I'll remember it.") The drunk barked back an order that Bauer make him shut up. Others in the drunk's party suggested Bauer not test his luck that night. Martin suggested both parties take it away from the tables, and he was accompanied by Mantle. Bauer's wife suggested he stay out of it. Martin and the drunk's brother agreed to keep the drunk away from the Yankee party. Yogi Berra and Whitey Ford were found in the men's room restraining Bauer, who was standing over the drunk stone-cold on the floor with a broken nose.

The problem was that Bauer swore it was Copacabana bouncers who'd decked the drunk and not himself, which didn't stop the drunk from wanting to swear out an arrest warrant for Bauer. The further problem was that Weiss assumed Martin was the instigator, not to mention speculation all over that the Yankees were trying to cover it up — even as they fined Martin, Mantle, Ford, Berra, and Bauer $1,000 apiece and young pitcher Johnny Kucks $500 ... before a grand jury hearing that ended with the case thrown out.

The Copa incident plus a subsequent on-field brawl with Larry Doby of the Indians — after a knockdown pitch to Doby provoked him to threaten Yankee pitcher Art Ditmar — finally drove Weiss to trade Martin, on whom the general manager blamed the Copa incident, at the non-waiver deadline.

The Milkshake Muckup — Weiss got his, though, at least once, when he hired a firm of detectives to tail some Yankees he thought were enjoying a little too much nightlife during the 1958 season, when the team was slumping somewhat. (Weiss has long been believed to have beaten Mickey Mantle out of a pay raise one winter, after getting some damning reports about Mantle's extracurricular activities from other private detectives he'd hired, and then all but threatening Mantle with their public release unless he came to terms on Weiss's terms.)

Whom did Weiss hire — the Keystone Kops? Mantle and Ford, of course, didn't have carrot juice for brains; they spotted the dicks and shook them almost at once, hiring a cab to lead them on a merry high-speed chase around Detroit.

But the dicks' most embarrassing report involved players with a very different idea of nightlife than the roisterous Mantle and Ford. It turned out that this group of dicks spent most of their time tailing infielders Bobby Richardson and Tony Kubek, and pitcher Bobby Shantz — a trio of straight-arrow teetotalers with a particular passion for milkshakes, whose idea of a night on the town was hitting the YMCA and similar establishments, where the only skirts they were caught chasing were any that might have been draped around the edges of ping-pong tables.

Richardson, Kubek, and Shantz needed all of about five minutes to figuring out they were being tailed and adopted a few evasive maneuvers of their own to shake the gumshoes. They ducked into a movie theater, prompting the dicks to buy tickets for the evening show themselves, unaware the three players had ducked out a side door with, perhaps, a little help from a knowing usher.

The papers got wind of the Yankees' spy operation and Kubek threatened a holdout for the following season. "I'm going to ask for a raise for next year," he said, "and tell them to pay me what they paid the cops to follow us."

Shake It Up — Dan Topping's apparent attempt to force manager Ralph Houk to jiggle his lineup and let Mantle have a better crack at Ruth's record than Roger Maris in 1961 should have shamed any and everyone who ever associated with the Yankees. To his credit, Houk didn't budge. And, as it turned out, he got a little help from Mantle's health: a hip abscess thanks to a bad vitamin shot took Mantle out of the running and, as it turned out, out of the 1961 World Series altogether.

Tell Me Why? — Not even the Voice of the Yankees himself was immune to Yankee panky. After suffering a vocal ailment during the 1963 World Series that at least one columnist suggested was psychosomatic (as in, he couldn't bear to watch Sandy Koufax and company sweep the Yankees for the first time in their storied postseason history), Mel Allen ended up dumped in favor of Rizzuto as the Yankee broadcast representative for the 1964 World Series.

To the day he died, Allen was never offered a thorough explanation as to why, beyond an almost rote reply from Yankee television sponsor Ballantine Beer that the brewery was trying to plug up the leaks in the bottom line.

The Swap Heard 'Round the World — In the same summer, as CBS was buying the Yankees from Dan Topping and Del Webb, and with Houk now their general manager, the Yankees were looking for any reason to dump first-year manager Yogi Berra when the team struggled and Berra's inability to play tough sergeant was cited as a key reason. What they found was Berra's eventual successor — in St. Louis.

And here's where it gets interesting. Johnny Keane was himself the subject of a little backroom backstabbing, with some Cardinals front office men — and, it was alleged, broadcaster Harry Caray — angling to move then-Dodger coach Leo Durocher into Keane's job while the Cardinals experienced a few struggles of their own approaching the stretch drive.

What they and nobody expected: Both the Yankees and the Cardinals ended up winning the pennants.

The Yankees put on a phenomenal stretch surge; rookie right-hander Mel Stottlemyre's nine wins down the stretch, and late-season relief acquisition Pedro Ramos were two of the keys.

The Redbirds needed a lot of help from the infamous Philadelphia collapse, in addition to a lot of big work from Bob Gibson, Dick Groat, Bill White, Ken Boyer, and company. And even then, on the final weekend, the hapless Mets, of all people, almost beat them out of the race by winning the first two of a season-ending three-set, including Al Jackson beating Gibson stylishly enough, threatening an unprecedented three-way tie for first.

Finally, on the final day, the Redbirds outlasted the Mets while the Cincinnati Reds (with incentive of their own: manager Fred Hutchinson's cancer had finally forced him to retire, and they were trying to win one more for the dying man who'd managed them to the 1961 pennant) took care of the desperate Phillies.

Then the Cardinals won a thriller of a seven-game World Series. The following day, both managers were out.

Keane upstaged Cardinal owner Gussie Busch, who called a press conference to announce Keane's rehiring, by handing Busch his resignation: he'd already agreed to take the Yankee job, possibly well before the World Series. That job became vacant officially when Berra went to the Yankee offices the day after the Series and came out with his head on a plate.

The deal didn't do anybody any good in the long run. With the Yankee farm system still parched, Keane suffered enormous pressure while trying to compel the Yankees to adapt to a National League style of play for which they weren't exactly built. The Yankees fell all the way to the basement by the end of 1966.

So far as arm-troubled pitcher Jim Bouton was concerned, that pressure (including Houk and CBS pushing him to rush players back onto the field before injuries healed fully) was the likely cause of Keane's fatal January 1967 heart attack, after he'd left the Yankees to sign on as a California Angels scout. He was 55.

Eddie, Are You Kidding? — Just prior to that strange 1964 season, an ex-Yankee pitching bellwether proved himself a scouting blind man. Eddie Lopat, scouting for the Kansas City Athletics, dismissed Tony Oliva as a serious prospect: "This kid will never hit in the big leagues." The Minnesota Twins thanked Lopat profusely for that one.

Ball Foul — Don't go getting any ideas that Houk was a saint. In fact, he was only too willing to skirt the rules, as the Yankees' general manager, and was in a holdout tussle with loquacious pitcher Bouton when he attempted to fine Bouton $100 for every day the right-hander continued his holdout.

Ssssssh! — The Yankees, like many teams, were often loath to disclose just how seriously a particular player might have been injured. In one case, they may have been loath to tell the player. It took long enough for Yankee fans who couldn't figure out the causes to discover that Roger Maris's wrist injuries — which robbed him of his once-prodigious power — were far more serious than first revealed. It took just as long for the Yankees to tell Maris himself how serious they really were.

Better Dead Than Red — Unless there's been such a canning elsewhere that I've yet to discover, the dumping of Red Barber from the Yankee team after the 1966 season — and the reason that probably triggered it — was at least as big a disgrace as the swap dump that made an ill-fated Yankee manager out of Johnny Keane.

Barber's crime: he ordered his television camera crews to pan a near-empty Yankee Stadium, during a September 1966 game, toward the end of a season in which the Yankees fell to a level they hadn't seen since the Wilson Administration — dead last. That non-crowd, Barber realized, was the real story of that game, if not the state of the Yankees themselves.

Barber's superiors nullified the order, and Barber was handed his unemployment at season's end.

Let's Make a Deal — Marilyn Peterson (wife of pitcher Fritz Peterson) and children, traded to pitcher Mike Kekich for Susanne Kekich (wife) and children. Thank God there were no players to be named later. Unless you want to count that the former Mrs. Peterson ended up moving further on, happily marrying a New Jersey physician.

That's Politics — George Steinbrenner had barely taken control of the Yankees — after buying the team almost under the radar, when a group led by Joe DiMaggio himself thought they might have the best shot at buying them (DiMaggio later swore he knew nothing of the Steinbrenner group until he read of the deal in the newspapers) — when he got suspended for a year over a contribution to Richard Nixon's 1972 election campaign.

Bronx Cheer — In a postgame, televised press conference, after the Big Red Machine steamrolled the Yankees in four straight in the 1976 World Series, Pete Rose plopped a Yankee cap on his head, turned his thumbs down, and loosed a raspberry. Not even Yankee fans deserved a display like that.

Duck! Duck! Goose! — Designated hitter/periodic catcher Cliff Johnson and future Hall of Fame relief ace Goose Gossage scuffle in the shower, leaving Gossage with a broken thumb and Johnson with a one-way ticket out of The 'Stripes.

Riding the Pine Tar — George Brett. The nullified three-run homer. The pine tar bat. The attempted multiple amputation by Brett upon the umpires. The makeup inning.

The Firing Line — Seventeen managers in 17 years. Sixteen if you count Billy Martin's tenures; 15 if you count Lou Piniella's; 14 if you count Bob Lemon's. (And let's not go there about the lowballing of Joe Torre, who's about to lead his Dodgers to the postseason the Yankees are going to miss.)

Shirley, You Jest — Flaky pitcher Bob Shirley, getting a ninth-inning assignment in a blowout, retired the side to secure the Yankee win. He was there in the first place because Rich Bordi, the reliever Billy Martin really wanted, was away from the Stadium as his wife gave birth. "It was nothing," Shirley said when reporters flocked to praise his performance. "The only reason I got in there was because of something that happened in the Bordi bedroom nine months ago."

Stool Pigeon — Steinbrenner had taken to ripping Graig Nettles' alleged falling out of shape when Nettles came into the clubhouse to find Steinbrenner sitting on his locker stool. "George is right," Nettles said, pointing at Steinbrenner. "Nettles is getting fat!"

Steinbrenner also rewarded Nettles at last with a long-term contract for big money ... only to trade him to San Diego when Nettles' book, Balls, was published at about the same time.

And even when he mellowed over it, Steinbrenner couldn't resist bad timing. During one of his bids to discredit Dave Winfield, he suddenly waxed about Nettles, who was all but through as a player: "[Winfield]'s nothing like Reggie, or even Graig Nettles. Nettles may have said a lot of nasty things about me but he played hard, gave me his all, and was all for the team. I'd take him back anytime."

Ding! Dong! The Boss is Dead! — No moment in Yankee Stadium history was more surreal than the night Steinbrenner got a standing ovation that swelled slowly around the park ... when he wasn't even allowed to be there: he was suspended for a second time, this time by Commissioner Fay Vincent, over using gambler Howard Spira to help discredit Winfield.

The Yankees were hosting the Detroit Tigers. Yankee fans clung to portable radios awaiting the news, which was believed to be coming that very evening. When the news broke, a slow surge of applause started down the right field stands. Within moments, it swelled to consume the entire park.

The timing was even more surreal: the ovation began as the Tigers were coming up to hit. The Tigers had no idea what was happening, and indeed many of the Yankees may not have known what was really going on, either. It may have been the first time in baseball history that fans gave the owner a standing ovation for getting put on ice for three years.

By the way, the Yankees beat the Tigers that night, 6-2, with Jesse Barfield and Oscar Azocar going long against Steve Searcy and Dave LaPoint pitching a complete game for the win.

Hizzoner the Maier — Game 1, the 1996 American League Championship Series. Talk about a helping hand. (And, if the Baltimore Orioles continue their none-too-winning ways over another decade or three, a Curse of the Maier.)

Scoot! Part Two — Phil Rizzuto all but ended his broadcasting career thanks to The Boss, when Steinbrenner or his minions refused to allow him time off to attend Mickey Mantle's funeral.

"You Lost! Go Home!" — Triumphant Florida Marlins pitcher Josh Beckett hollered that at lingering, commiserating Yankee fans after the Florida Marlins dispatched them in the 2003 World Series. Not even Yankee fans deserved that, either.

And Yet ... and Yet ... — Even a no-questions-asked Yankee hater could only sit in awe, after the Boston Red Sox finished what they started so improbably, those four straight wins off a down-to-the-last-strike crouch in the 2004 American League Championship Series. George Steinbrenner, of all people, dismissed calls to send the rollicking Red Sox fans home and close the Stadium for the winter once and for all.

"No," Steinbrenner insisted. "They earned it. Let them enjoy it."

Let's be fair and remember that there were more classy than crassy moments in the Big Ball Orchard in the Bronx, the House That Ruth Built, the House That Ruthless Rebuilt, Fort Apache Yankee Stadium.

There was Lou Gehrig's spontaneous eloquence in the face of certain death on the day in his honor in 1939.

There was Babe Ruth's humility, likewise in the face of certain death, on a similar day in his honor in 1948.

There was Mickey Mantle's physical courage.

There was Roger Maris getting in-your-face to every last one of his critics on the final day of 1961.

There was the genuine awe in the immediate aftermath ("I can understand how he won 25, what I can't understand is how he lost five" — Yogi Berra), when Sandy Koufax whiplashed them in Game 1 1963.

There was Reggie Jackson and the three pitches, three swings, and three majestic bombs in Game 6, 1977.

There were the Yankees up and down the roster and organization behaving with class throughout when, for once, the world seemed to be a Yankee fan in the World Series wake of 9/11.

And, there was Bobby Murcer's cheerful courage in what proved a losing battle against brain cancer.

But when Steinbrenner ordered one and all to leave the partying Red Sox fans alone, that they might celebrate their greatest triumph in the home park of their longest-standing enemy, that may have been the classiest Yankee Stadium moment of them all.

Posted by Jeff Kallman at 11:59 AM | Comments (0)

2008-09 Big Ten Basketball Crystal Ball

It's the first week of autumn. Across the Northeast and Midwest, leaves are changing. The air is getting its first hints of crispness. The first conference football matchups hit Big Ten campuses this weekend. So this is a perfect time to take a look into the crystal ball and see how the Big Ten will shape up ... on the hardwood.

Believe it or not, college hoops practice starts up next month. So let's take a break from hearing from SEC fans about how weak our conference is on the gridiron and look forward to November — when we can hear from ACC fans how they've owned the ACC/Big Ten Challenge. Here are my predictions for the Big Ten roundball season.

1. Michigan State will miss graduated Drew Neitzel much more than anyone thinks. The Spartans can talk-up their rebounding and toughness all they want, but it was amazing how many mistakes No. 11's sharpshooting covered up. Tom Izzo always brings in highly rated recruiting classes, but the Spartans will not evolve into a national title threat because they will miss having a reliable go-to guy.

2. For the third year in a row, Ohio State will pin its hopes on a seven-foot freshman. The next in the line of Thad Matta blue-chippers, center B.J. Mullens, is probably a little closer to Kosta Koufos than Greg Oden in the immediate impact department, but the 2008-09 Buckeyes have a much stronger supporting cast returning than what Koufos worked with in 2007-08. The exodus of Mike Conley, Jr. and Daequan Cook, along with Oden and some key seniors, left the cupboard relatively bare for Matta last year. This year, David Lighty and Evan Turner return and will propel the defending NIT-champs to a first-round win in the big tournament.

3. Indiana will rally behind new head coach Tom Crean and make the tournament ... the National Invitational Tournament, that is. There's a reason why the opposing players IU will face this year will go to school for free: They're good. No matter how good a coach Tom Creen is, the cream and crimson will simply be outclassed by superior talent too frequently this season. The program will struggle this year as they retain more NCAA violations than scholarship players from the Kelvin Sampson Era.

4. Iowa, regardless of its record, will upset one of the conference's top four (MSU, UW, Purdue, OSU) in Iowa City. I've never been to Carver Hawkeye Arena, and I think I never want to. Apparently there's something about that building that makes the Bates Motel seem welcoming to visitors.

5. Northwestern and Penn State will continue to be the last stops before basketball Siberia in the Big Ten. The two will combine for five conference wins, but don't feel sorry for their fans. The Nittany Lions will be too excited over an increasingly rare January bowl appearance, while the Wildcat faithful will be wrapped up in doing what they do best — interviewing for jobs that pay six figures and getting ready to shape the free world.

6. The 2005 National Title Game will seem like decades ago to Illinois, which will struggle to a second-consecutive losing season. The Illini have bid adieu to former guard Jamar Smith for good after legal issues, and forward Brian Randle's graduation leaves a gaping leadership void. Bruce Weber continues to make inroads to the 2009 and 2010 seasons with his recruiting, but there won't be any corks popping in Champaign this season.

7. The ACC will, once again, smack around the Big Ten in the increasingly stale ACC/Big Ten Challenge. With the exception of Wisconsin going to Virginia Tech and Virginia traveling to Minnesota, the ACC will be favored in the remaining nine matchups. But here's a fun fact, courtesy of TheACC.com: ACC teams are 33-4 at home in the challenge. Let the latest round of Big Ten bashing begin!

8. You can have your high-profile, big name non-conference games. The most intriguing non-conference test for a Big Ten team will be when Purdue faces Davidson and Stephen Curry in Indianapolis on December 20. The last time Big Ten fans saw Curry and the Wildcats, they had their feet firmly planted on the throats of Bo Ryan and the Badgers. When the Boilers beat Davidson by 12, it will cement Purdue as a conference title contender and show how much Curry will miss having graduated point guard Jason Richards to set him up.

9. Speaking of the Badgers, Ryan's squad will be underestimated yet again, and find a way to be in the regular season conference title race into late February. Has anyone this side of Jason Voorhees been left for dead this often, only to roar back to life? Brian Butch and Michael Flowers may be gone, but the Badgers return enough firepower to fly beneath the radar until we look at the standings in late January and wonder just how we overlooked them again.

10. And while the Badgers will scratch and claw into contention, the road to the Big Ten crown will ultimately go through East Lansing, where Michigan State will beat Wisconsin on February 22 and clinch the crown March 8 or 9 against Purdue.

11. Two Big Ten teams, Michigan State and Wisconsin, will survive the NCAA Tournament's first weekend. (No, I didn't miscount. We all know that in the Midwest, Big Ten really means 11.) The Badgers will fall again in the Sweet Sixteen, this time to the interior strength of Oklahoma, while the Spartans will be the victim's of a loaded bracket and fall to Louisville.

Posted by Corrie Trouw at 11:58 AM | Comments (8)

September 19, 2008

NFL Q&A: Is Rodgers Better Than Favre?

Is Aaron Rodgers even better than Brett Favre?

In case you hadn't noticed, the kid is pretty good.

His 117.8 quarterback rating, 253 yards per game, 2 touchdowns per game, and no interceptions only tell half the story. The way he carries himself on the field and how his teammates seem so eager to follow him tells the rest of the story.

In case you hadn't noticed, he's better at this point in his career than the guy he replaced. That's not to say he's better than Brett Favre ever was, but he's certainly better than Brett Favre is today.

Inarguably better. Much, much better.

The Packers, a team some believed would struggle without Favre, are going to be even better without him. Aaron Rodgers just brings more to the table than the 2008 version of Brett Favre.

There are a lot of people in Green Bay who owe Packer management an apology. They were right — all of the fan-owners were wrong.

Aaron Rodgers is the right guy to lead this Packers team.

No matter how much pressure he faces in the playoffs, can it possibly compare to what he went through in Week 1? The fans were ready to boo him. They wanted to jump all over him. They wanted Brett Favre back.

But Rodgers played his was into their good graces. They wanted to boo him, but they were too busy cheering him.

Think the Dallas Cowboys or the New York Giants in January are going to put more pressure on him than he felt that day?

Neither do I.

Why is Chad Pennington starting for the Dolphins?

I could understand starting Pennington over John Beck and Chad Henne if the Dolphins had even a remote chance at making the playoffs this season.

But this team is not making the playoffs. They'll be lucky to win five games. So why not play the rookies?

I, personally, have seen enough of John Beck. I'd like to see Chad Henne get some reps.

This is a team that should be building for the future, not worrying about adding a win or two to this season.

How does Matt Millen still have a job?

Have you seen the Lions' defense? They might be the worst defensive unit in NFL history.

Millen took over as CEO and GM of the Lions in 2000. It's now 2008. The Lions are arguably worse off today than they were when he took over — and that's saying something!

In between drafting wide receivers, he's done absolutely nothing to fill the holes in this team. His defense has actually managed to get worse every season. His offense has taken some dramatic steps back this season.

When John Kitna is your best move as a GM, you probably shouldn't be a GM.

Is Vince Young a bust?

With the latest news about Vince Young being an emotional, and potentially suicidal wreck after the Tennessee fans booed him in the season-opener, is it time to admit that Vince Young as a bust as a professional quarterback?

He's a terrible passer. He's a pretty good running back, but like most running backs masquerading as quarterbacks, he has trouble staying healthy because of all the hits he takes.

Yes, the Titans made the playoffs last year. But you can make a pretty good argument that they did it in spite of him, not because of him.

As a quarterback in the NFL, you're supposed to start making strides in your third season. Young looks just as bad in the pocket as he did the day he was drafted.

Maybe he'll prove me wrong, but I'm ready to declare the Vince Young experience a failure.

Sean Crowe is a senior writer for Bleacher Report and writes a column for Sports Central every other Thursday. You can read more articles by Sean Crowe on his blog.

Posted by Sean Crowe at 1:01 PM | Comments (6)

An Incredibly Early Heisman Analysis

Although it's still quite early in the season, it's physically impossible to prematurely make football predictions, especially when they're about college football. Double especially if they're in reference to an end-of-season award.

The Heisman trophy is arguably the most highly prized single player award in all of football. Its storied history not only tells the tale of the best players in the history of the game, but also of college football itself. The list of the trophies winners and runners up paves a path that begins more than 70 years ago.

It's not very hard to see why the race for the Heisman is so highly hyped and closely monitored. So let's take an early look at the landscape of the current crop of candidates who will all play a part in the next chapter of the game we all know as football.

In no particular order:

Tim Tebow, QB, Florida Gators

2008 stats: 30 completions on 49 attempts for 393 yards, 3 TDs, 0 INT

Tim Tebow was a favorite before the season even started, although with good reason — he won the Heisman trophy in 2007! However, no one has won back-to-back Heisman trophies since Buckeyes RB Archie Griffin did it back in 1974-75. It's certainly not out of his reach, but Tebow is going to have to catch fire soon — it's going to take an awfully impressive performance for the Heisman trophy voters to pick him two years in a row.

Chris Wells, RB, Ohio State Buckeyes

2008 stats: 13 attempts for 111 yards and 1 TD

Many were disappointed when Chris "Beanie" Wells was unable to play against USC this past weekend (myself included). It was the perfect stage for him bust out a big game on. Despite still being plagued by his toe injury, Wells has proven that he has the talent and work ethic to put up Heisman-caliber numbers once he gets healthy. He'll need to bounce back and bounce back quickly, but it wouldn't surprise many people should he do so.

Knowshon Moreno, RB, Georgia Bulldogs

2008 stats: 46 attempts for 306 yards and 7 TDs

Although Knowshon Moreno's stock rose more and more with every new RB that declared for the NFL draft after the 2007 season, it wouldn't really have mattered if all of them stayed in school. This is the same player whose freshman season was so impressive (1,334 rushing yards, 14 TDs) that he was compared to Bulldogs legend Hershel Walker after all. Also, he has arguably the coolest first name in all of college football.

Chase Daniel, QB, Missouri Tigers

2008 stats: 65 completions on 90 attempts for 973 yards, 10 TDs, 1 INT

Not only is Chase Daniel making a charge to past Tim Tebow in the Heisman race, but he's also looking to get his team to pass Tebow's in the rankings, as well. With a tough conference game in Tennessee next up on Florida's schedule, we may very well see Daniel pass Tebow in both of those categories when all said and done on Saturday night.

Michael Crabtree, WR, Texas Tech Red Raiders

2008 stats: 24 receptions for 395 yards and 5 TDs

Michael Crabtree may lose credibility when the team he plays for is taken into account, but he more than makes up for it with tops in the nation performances. He is on pace for close to 1,900 yards and 20 TDs, which if accomplished, would be his second straight year with at least that amount. Putting the Heisman trophy aside for a moment, just make sure you keep an eye or two on this kid's career in general.

Evan Royster, RB, Penn State Nittany Lions

2008 stats: 38 attempts for 306 yards and 6 TDs

Just as the Nittany Lions are rising their way up the college football rankings, their sophomore RB Evan Royster is doing the same on many people's Heisman watch lists thanks to his nose for the end zone. He's definitely a wild card in the race, but if he can string some big games together and help the Nittany Lions keep winning, there's no reason to believe that he wouldn't be in the general conversation for college football's top prize.

Jeremy Maclin, RB, Missouri Tigers

2008 stats: 12 receptions for 223 yards and 4 TDs

You couldn't hear Jeremy Maclin's name this past offseason without hearing it paired with Chase Daniels'. The team was one of the top duos in all of college football last year and while Maclin has gotten off to a slow start when compared to what's been expected of him, he's on pace for around 1,000 yards and 16 TDs. And that's being completely conservative and assuming he doesn't catch fire for the rest of the season. While Daniels is doing absolutely everything right so far this season and would likely be the one to win the trophy on the Tigers if any did, Maclin is a WR remember, and is a monster performance on national television away from being moved to the top of everyone's list.

Sam Bradford, QB, Oklahoma Sooners

2008 stats: 64 completions on 81 attempts for 882 yards, 12 TDs, 2 INT

While Tebow and Daniels have hogged most of the spotlight in terms of Heisman caliber QBs this season, Sam Bradford has been quietly having himself one diamond of a season. Never mind that he's piloted his team to the number two ranking in the country. At the moment, he's on pace to dwarf Tebow's passing numbers from last year and do it on one of the top teams in the nation, no less. He's definitely a dark horse candidate for the prize.

It is a bit early to make some actual predictions, but if you had a water gun to my head, I'd say that the voting will finish with Daniels winning, Bradford in second, and Moreno in third. Feel free to leave your own predictions and/or make fun of mine in your replies!

Posted by Josh Galligan at 11:10 AM | Comments (2)

September 18, 2008

NFL Weekly Predictions: Week 3

Note: the quotes in this article are fictional.

Arizona @ Washington (-3)

Excitement is high in Arizona, with the Cardinals off to their first 2-0 start since 1991, and Arizona senator John McCain making a run for the presidency. Kurt Warner, with 4 touchdowns and over 500 yards passing, is a fantasy football darling, while the elderly McCain's candidacy, with the addition of pit-bullish soccer mom/eye candy Sarah Palin as his running mate, is now a darling with the father/daughter demographic. Sunday, the Cards will seek win number three in Washington, while the 'Skins will look for their second home win.

"If I'm not mistaken," says Warner, "I do believe there are already lipstick-wearing pigs in Washington. Don't those fans in the Capitol still dress up like pigs in dresses, in honor of the Hogs, from the glory days of Washington football, when the 'Skins had an owner who knew how to put together a Super Bowl champion? As far as the election goes, I'm like the typical voter — I want to see more bipartisanship in the Capitol. Matt Leinart agrees. He's on record saying he has no problem with bipartisans as long as they're really hot."

Arizona's two big receivers, Anquan Boldin and Larry Fitzgerald, present matchup problems for any defense. Boldin may be the strongest receivers in the NFL, and Fitzgerald combines great leaping ability with exceptional hands. And those are Coors Light Cold Hard Facts, straight from the mouth of Trey Wingo, whose name still sends Jerry Stackhouse into hysterics. Anyway, you can't stop Boldin and Fitzgerald, but you can stop Warner, by flushing him from the pocket and making him throw on the run. The key is to make Warner uncomfortable, and that's one way to do it. The other? Blasphemy and/or heresy.

The night before Sunday's game, Warner stumbles upon video on YouTube showing Washington tight end Chris Cooley reading the Bible in the nude. With that disturbing image burned into his mind, Warner is sacked four times on Sunday, and Jason Campbell throws for 277 yards and 2 touchdowns. Washington wins, 27-23.

Carolina @ Minnesota (-3)

After a cheap elbow to the noggin' of Jake Delhomme last week, the Panthers got fired up and scored 17 unanswered points to beat the Bears, 20-17. Delhomme took a shot from Bears safety Brandon McGowan, an infraction that went unnoticed by the officiating crew. Uninspired up until that point, the Panthers shutdown the Chicago offense and kicked their power running game into high gear, as rookie Jonathan Stewart scored twice thereafter.

"I think we've served notice to opponents that they don't want to slug it out with us," says Delhomme, who likes his rice dirty, but not his defenders. "We've battled two physical teams, the Chargers and Bears, and have come out on top. And it only gets better for us with the return of Steve Smith, a physical player in his own right with a slugging percentage of 1.000. Now, we just have to make sure Steve realizes that a 'down and out' is a pass route and not the way you leave a teammate after a disagreement."

The Vikes blew a 15-0 lead to Indianapolis, losing 18-15, and now face an 0-3 hole should they lose to the Panthers. The Minnesota troubles are not because of a lack of running game, as Adrian Peterson is averaging 131 yards a game. It's their rushing defense that's the problem. What's the problem? The rush defense is almost too stingy for its own good. Opponents quickly realize that they can't run on the Vikings, so they decide to pass, with more successful results.

"That could be a real problem with Steve Smith in the mix," says Darren Sharper. "We've got the advance scouting report on Smith, and, if there's one thing to remember, it's keep your helmet on. It's important that I tell my cohorts in the defensive backfield that you can't make the same mistake that Ken Lucas did and turn your back on Smith."

Desperate for a win, Vikings officials plan to throw a huge pep rally for the team. But the gesture backfires when Vikings players, accustomed to using the words "Fan Jam" as a verb and not a noun, show up at Lake Minnetonka in Speedos expecting a romp in the water. Their disappointment is matched by the fans, who watch as the Vikings fall to 0-3 after a 23-21 loss to the Panthers.

Cincinnati @ NY Giants (-11)

Hey, what do Marvin Lewis as coach and "Chad Johnson" jerseys have in common? They're both soon to be obsolete. The Bengals are off to a dismal 0-2 start, and now must face the defending Super Bowl champions in Giants Stadium. Johnson has to buy all of Reebok's remaining "C. Johnson" jerseys before the "Ocho Cinco" jerseys are made available.

"The I can guarantee you those 'C. Johnson' jerseys will be selling like hotcakes," says Johnson. "The 'Ocho Cinco' jerseys should be on the market by the time we arrive at the Meadowlands, which, ironically, is in New Jersey. But let's keep name changes in perspective. Changing my last name to 'Ocho Cinco' is nothing compared to almost selling the naming rights to Giants Stadium to Allianz, a corporation with ties to Nazis."

"They couldn't fire me soon enough," counters Lewis, fondly recalling his days as the Baltimore defensive coordinator, when players knew their roles and shut their mouths. "In fact, I should be fired. Not necessarily for my coaching, but for my refusal to trade Johnson this offseason when he was begging to get out of here. This jersey fiasco is nothing but a distraction. Who wants a 'C. Johnson' jersey anyway? It's passé. The same goes for the 'Ocho Cinco' jersey. Talk about a 're-tired' jersey."

The G-Men are rolling along smoothly at 2-0, and the Bungles shouldn't present much of a fight, unless it's in a nightclub after the game with police called to restore order. Eli Manning, as well as brother Peyton, have never been tempted by the appeal of bars, nightlife, and skeezers.

"That's just not our thing," says Manning. "Peyton and I like to follow the wholesome example of the Jonas Brothers, who lead a Christian life guided by the forces of their purity rings, despite being tempted by the unholy excesses of the tweener music business. Peyton and I take that attitude one step further — we answer to our own purity rings, and we're both married."

The Giants rush for 160 yards, and Plaxico Burress has two touchdown catches. Giants win, 33-24.

Kansas City @ Atlanta (-4)

Is L.J. PO'ed in KC? After gaining only 22 yards on 12 carries in a 23-8 loss to the Chiefs, a frustrated Larry Johnson hinted that he won't be a Chief much longer. Head coach Herman Edwards insisted he felt Johnson's anguish, and reiterated that he was just "playing to win the game," although the 75,000 people at Arrowhead Stadium last Sunday saw very little evidence of that.

"I understand Larry's frustration," says Herman Edwards. "He must be feeling the same level of frustration as a coach dealing with a running back averaging 1.833 yards per carry. Do the math, Larry. If you want a piece of the pie, then you've got to be able to rush for at least a few yards per carry."

The Falcons were brought back down to earth with a thud in a 24-9 loss in Tampa, where coach Mike Smith watched as Michael Turner was held to 42 yards on the ground after 220 against the Lions. The dejected duo then had to stomach a press conference dubbed "Mike and Mike in Mourning" by some jokesters in the Tampa media. But brighter days are ahead for the Falcons, who will face a Chiefs defense that surrendered 300 yards on the ground to the Raiders.

"Wow! That's almost the length of three football fields," says Turner, who, despite being with another team, still insists he's ready to go if LaDainian Tomlinson needs a blow. "The Chiefs rush defense is so bad, they probably gave that up on one drive."

Atlanta wins, 27-20.

Oakland @ Buffalo (-9)

For now, it looks like Lane Kiffin's job as Raiders head coach is still intact, but with Al Davis calling the shots in Oakland, that could change, depending on which side of the coffin Davis wakes up on tomorrow. Kiffin and Davis have feuded since January, when the two had a personnel disagreement that led to Davis asking Kiffin to sign a letter of resignation.

"A letter of resignation, huh?" says Kiffin. "With Al, that's called a 'contract.' Anyway, when's the last time Al's made a sound personnel decision? Probably not since 1972, maybe. Heck, talk about dumb decisions. Al's the one that got Warren Sapp on 'Dancing With the Stars.' Warren's bound to be the first dancer eliminated."

"The truth is, I would already be fired if Al could actually say the words 'You're fired.' In his catatonic state, with his synapses shooting blanks, Al can barely speak, much less return a franchise to glory. It's always an adventure going to Al's office. There's the signed copy of the Magna Carta, and his high school diploma etched in a stone tablet. Plus, there's this footage on Al's television,, similar to an INXS video, that runs on loop and apparently reminds Al of what he needs to do. In the video, someone holds up cue cards that read 'Manipulate,' 'Resuscitate,' 'Reanimate,' 'Defibrilate,' etc. Surreal is what it is, which is the only way I can describe coaching the Raiders."

The Bills are 2-0 after a moderately surprising win in Jacksonville, overcoming a 16-10 fourth-quarter deficit by scoring the final 10 points to register a 20-16 victory. Buffalo held the Jags to 98 yards on the ground, and the Bills boast the league's fifth-ranked defense.

"I know we shocked a lot of people with that win," says Dick Jauron. "But having a good defense gives you a shot at winning every time. Look at O.J. Simpson. I pity the poor guy. Now he's on trial for armed robbery. It's amazing that his search for the 'real killers' led him to a casino in Las Vegas, where the 'real killers' were hoarding O.J. memorabilia. Murderers and thieves?! Oh, the horror!"

Do you think the Bills will play eight-man fronts on defense and force JaMarcus Russell, who was a paltry 6-of-17 for 55 yards last week, to beat them with his arm? Russell would have a chance, if this was the "Pass" portion of a "Punt, Pass, and Kick" competition. But it's not. It's the Bills, in Buffalo, and it's obvious that Russell has missed a lot more reads than meals. This could very well be Kiffin's last game as coach. I guess congratulations are in order. Buffalo wins, 27-6.

Tampa Bay @ Chicago (-3)

Is the John Gruden/Jeff Garcia partnership on its last leg? After starting the Bucs season opener against the Saints, Garcia was benched as starter in favor of Brian Griese last week against the Falcons. And Griese has already been named starter this week in Chicago. Is this Gruden's manner of revenge for Garcia's cool reception to Gruden's attempts to lure Brett Favre to Tampa despite Garcia's solid and veteran presence?

"Gruden's a cold, calculating, evil son of a gun," says Garcia. "If this is the thanks I get for leading the Bucs to the playoffs last year, then color me unappreciated. Gruden obviously still have Favre on his mind, and he's obviously a little dejected. I think I heard him singing Dire Straits 'So Favre Away' the other day, and it looked like he teared up a bit. Obviously, there's friction between Gruden and myself, and obviously Gruden wants friction between Favre and himself."

Chicago's Lovie Smith is no stranger to quarterback controversy. Kyle Orton is the Bears starter and has been serviceable in that capacity so far.

"Kyle's like a mutual fund," says Smith. "Low risk, low return. On the other hand, Rex Grossman was like a volatile stock — high risk, high return. Either way, I wouldn't invest too much stock in us going to the Super Bowl."

Two solid defenses will dictate the pace in this one, with red zone successes at a premium. If you like field goals, this is the game for you. Chicago wins, 19-13.

Miami @ New England (-13)

With a steady performance in a 19-10 win over the Jets, Matt Cassel proved that, at least for the time being, the Patriots are okay without Tom Brady. Cassel was efficient if not spectacular as the Patriots won their 21st straight regular season win.

"You know," says Cassel, "it was disgusting to see those bastards revel in Tom Brady's injury? Have the 1972 Dolphins no shame? But I feel relatively comfortable running this offense. Offensive coordinator Josh McDaniel has trimmed the playbook, and I've been reminded often of that overused cliche used to guide quarterbacks in over their heads: 'You don't have to win the game; just don't lose it.'"

Let's face it, Cassel is no Brady. But heck, neither was Cousin Oliver on The Brady Bunch. Oliver briefly upset the chemistry of the family, but soon, after a typical Brady life-lesson, things were back to normal. Alice was cooking delicious meals, the kids were playing harmoniously, and Greg was sleeping with his mother. Just like Oliver, Cassel has been accepted as this team's leader, if for no other reason than the Patriots had no other choice.

Usually, when a man named Tony Sparano from Miami heads to the Northeast, it's with the express purpose of whacking someone, or jacking a truckload of smokes. So don't be surprised if Chad Pennington doesn't make the trip back from New England.

Cassel hits Moss for a long touchdown pass, and the Patriots win, 29-13.

Houston @ Tennessee (-4)

Obviously, hostile crowds don't affect Kerry Collins as they do Vince Young. With Young tending to a bum knee and a fragile psyche, Collins took the reins of the Titans offense and led them to a 24-7 win in Cincinnati.

"Let's qualify that statement a bit," says Jeff Fisher. "The Cincy crowd was booing all right, but they weren't booing Kerry. They were booing the home team. I thought Kerry handled the situation very well. Vince is still learning how to handle the negativity. Right now, he can't handle the boos. On the other hand, Kerry's proved once again that he can handle the booze."

Already with a strong defense and a solid running game, all the Titans need from Collins is a steady, mistake-free presence. And to keep the team informed of his whereabouts at all times. With LenDale White leading the inside rushing game, rookie Chris Johnson has emerged as a speedy alternative to White's power. Johnson impressed at last year's draft combine with the fastest 40-yard dash time, a 4.24, and also excelled in the 20-yard shuttle and the five-knuckle shuffle.

Tennessee wins 19-17 behind 124 combined yards from White and Johnson. Hours after the game, Young is found wandering aimlessly down the New Jersey Turnpike, where he is nailed by a flying beer can and taunted with the words "Think fast, Malcovich."

St. Louis @ Seattle (-9½)

Remember the days when a St. Louis/Seattle contest went down, often with the NFC West title on the line, as well as bragging rights to the best 9-7 team in football? Yeah, I've tried to forget them, too. The rivalry is renewed as the two winless teams battle for inferiority in the West, with the Seahawks and their mounting injury list opening as heavy favorites. Matt Hasselbeck is ailing, and receivers Deion Branch and Bobby Engram out for the game. Even Qwest Field's renowned "12th Man" is down to 11.

"The injury bug has bitten us hard," says Mike Holgren. "So hard, that we've even had to sign perennial substance-abuser Koren Robinson to the squad as a last resort. I hope he realizes that he can't play with that helmet modified with two can holders and straw tubes."

In St. Louis, owner Chip Rosenbloom has demanded better play from the Rams, or coach Scott Linehan may be out of a job. Torry Holt, one of the few remaining members of the Super Bowl XXXIV champion Rams team, has rallied the team around Linehan, and each member of the squad will wear a commemorative helmet sticker with Linehan's initials.

"That's right," says Holt. "Scott's middle name, I believe, starts with an 'O,' so the stickers will read 'SOL.' Hopefully, that will fire this team up. We need wins, and some television exposure. I think the last time a St. Louis player was on national TV, it was me, and I was getting hammered on a crossing pattern by the Burger King. That seemed like ages ago. Now the King has taken to the streets, where he practices 'reverse pickpocketing,' in which he leaves Rams tickets in the pockets of unsuspecting pedestrians. It's sad to see the King's taken up a life of crime."

Seattle wins, 24-21.

Detroit @ San Francisco (-3½)

What's it going to take to get Matt Millen out of the front office in Detroit? Remember, this is the city of Detroit, so if you want to get rid of someone, you'd better have a good reason. Sometimes, being the worst front office executive in football is not enough. At other times, having sex with your chief of staff in office and then lying to cover it up won't even get you canned. Well, eventually it will, as Detroit Mayor Kwame Kilpatrick found out.

"Look, I would never have sex in my office with anyone," says Millen, "unless it was done to further my career. Unfortunately, it's the fans of this franchise who are getting screwed. As for Kilpatrick, the people of Detroit have no one to blame but themselves for that situation. I live by the old rule of thumb: Never elect a mayor named 'Kwame.'"

After throwing for 321 yards in San Francisco's 33-30 overtime win in Seattle, quarterback J.T. O'Sullivan has become somewhat of a cult hero in the Bay area, much like San Francisco icon Dirty Harry. No, not Clint Eastwood's famed cop Dirty Harry. Don't be silly. O'Sullivan shares a similar recognition factor with a 'Frisco homeless man known as 'Dirty Harry,' who claims he will 'work for food,' but would really rather 'drink for free' and won't 'bathe for anything.'"

"Hey, the homeless Dirty Harry is a man I don't mind being compared to," says O'Sullivan. "Why, the other day, I saw him pick up an old cigarette butt. That makes him more of a contributing member to the city of San Francisco than Alex Smith."

The 49ers race out to a 6-0 lead, but Jon Kitna leads the Detroit comeback with three touchdown passes, two for his own team. The Lions win, 24-22.

New Orleans @ Denver (-4½)

After suffering a tough 29-24 loss to the Redskins, the Saints head to Denver, where the thin air makes breathing difficult, and in some cases, makes obvious fumbles look like incompletions. And that thin air can sometimes make whistles blow inadvertently.

"Everybody's saying Mike Shanahan made such a gutsy call going for two at the end," says Drew Brees. "Gutsy call, my rear end. That's was the call of a true coward. After the officials gift-wrapped a Denver touchdown, Shanahan should have done the manly thing and had Cutler take a knee on the conversion attempt. That would have rightly given the Chargers the win. In the end, the Chargers got 'Shanahan-jobbed.'"

This Chargers-Denver situation demands a rule change, and here's my suggestion: For the remainder of the year, anytime Shanahan complains about a call that doesn't go Denver's way, he should be flagged for unsportsmanlike conduct.

The Saints arrive in Denver knowing the deck is stacked against them. It doesn't look any better when the Broncos introduce their honorary guests for Sunday's game — the officiating crew from the 1972 Munich Olympics Men's gold medal basketball game.

"We're screwed," says Reggie Bush.

On the opening play from scrimmage, Cutler sees the snap from center sail over his head and through the back of the end zone. In Denver, that's a touchdown for the Broncos. Denver doesn't look back and wins, 34-27.

Pittsburgh @ Philadelphia (-3)

Was the Eagles' final possession in Dallas one of the worst in NFL history? On their final four plays, they had two sacks, an incompletion, and the worst "hook and ladder" play in recent memory. Not the execution, but calling a hook and ladder on 4th-and-17? The Eagles should have known you can't pull that off without Nat Moore and Tony Nathan. Of course, it wasn't the greatest display of "smart" plays by the Eagles on Monday. In addition to the doomed "hook and ladder," rookie wide receiver DeSean Jackson, just a few feet from completing a 60-yard touchdown catch, celebrated before he crossed the goal line. Somehow, Philly was awarded the ball at the one-yard line, and Brian Westbrook scored from there, as, once again, a Westbrook play sent fantasy owners' heads spinning.

"DeSean obviously wants to be the Leon Lett of our generation," says Donovan McNabb. "It's too bad he didn't score, but I think everyone got a good look at the speed he possesses. He's the fastest guy on the team in the 98-meter dash. And he can dunk a 9½-foot goal. I hope he realizes that, when playing the Steelers, you better make sure you cross the goal line when you get there, because there probably won't be many other chances."

That's right. I don't think the Eagles can count on scoring 37 points against the Steelers. Of course, I don't think the Eagles have to worry about the Steelers scoring 41 points on them.

For the Steelers, Ben Roethlisberger expects to start, despite a shoulder injury, which may be simply a sprain, or possibly separated.

"The shoulder's fine," says Roethlisberger. "Like most of my injuries, it didn't even happen in a football game. I was goofing around with some friends, notably former Steeler quarterback Brian St. Pierre, known in the octagon as 'BSP,' and he caught me in an arm bar. I tapped out, but the damage was done."

Two blitz-happy defensive coordinators, Dick Labeau and Jim Johnson, will try to create havoc in the pocket for the opposing quarterback. McNabb and Roethlisberger are likely to take some hits, but the key for each quarterback is to avoid the rush and make plays on the run, a task at which both are skilled. It will be tight, but the Steelers pull out a 24-23 win.

Cleveland @ Baltimore (-2½)

Who would've thought after two weeks, the Browns would be winless with two home losses, and the Ravens would be sporting an undefeated record? Sure, the Ravens are only 1-0, but rookie quarterback Joe Flacco and rookie head coach John Harbaugh have brought optimism back to Ravens football.

"With Hurrican Ike postponing our last game," says Flacco, the Ravens first-round draft pick from the University of Delaware Blue Hens, "we've had two solid weeks to prepare for the Browns defense, which is about 12 days too many. With all that down time, I've had time to hobnob with my fan clubs. There's my fan club for females, the 'Blue Ho's,' and my fan club for boys, the 'Flacco-lytes,' which I'm happy to say has no religious affiliation and therefore no 'illegal touching' penalties."

The Browns have struggled on offense, scoring only 16 points in two games. A trendy pick to win the AFC North, the Browns cannot afford an 0-3 overall hole, and 0-2 division hole, especially after two home losses. Quarterback Derek Anderson needs more consistency from his receivers, particularly Braylon Edwards, who has had several drops already this year.

"Hey, what do Braylon Edwards and New Year's Eve have in common?" asks Anderson. "With each, there will be balls dropping."

It's do-or-die time for the Browns, and they finally click offensively. Anderson throws for a score, and Jamal Lewis adds a short touchdown run. Cleveland wins, 20-17.

Jacksonville @ Indianapolis (-6)

Never in Jack Del Rio's worst nightmares did he envision that the Jaguars would start the season 0-2, and have to face the Colts in Indianapolis with an 0-3 start to the season staring the Jaguars in the face.

"And I've had some pretty bad nightmares," says Del Rio. "Most involving Byron Leftwich in a Jacksonville uniform, or me purchasing tickets from Mike Tice. But seriously, we know this is a big game. How often has it been said that the loser of the Jags/Colts game will be in last place in the AFC South? Never. Well, that's what's on the line. I'm sure the Colts don't want to lose their first two games in Lucas Oil Stadium. It certainly is a nice facility. Those luxury suites are fit for a king. Or queen. But probably not a 'Jack.' Call me old fashioned, but I don't see the need for a bidet in a luxury suite. That's just overkill."

"We realize the importance of this game," says Peyton Manning. "Our fans are used to blazing starts, like 7-0, 8-0, what have you. If we go 1-2, I can easily visualize a pandemic of one of the most feared afflictions in football, 'DFS,' 'Disgraced Fan Syndrome.' It's already destroying some cities, like St. Louis, Detroit, and Miami. We've got to keep that out of Indianapolis."

Manning's been surviving behind a makeshift offensive line, and escaping oncoming rushes on a gimpy knee. He'll likely have to do that against the Jags, but Manning's got pocket savvy, and he'll confuse the Jacksonville defense at the line of scrimmage by pointing at every defender and mumbling something that makes them believe he knows exactly what they're going to do. It's a tight game throughout, but Manning leads the Colts on a fourth-quarter drive that culminates with an Adam Vinatieri field goal. Indianapolis wins, 21-19.

Dallas @ Green Bay (+3)

With two wins under his belt as a starter, Aaron Rodgers is quickly making Packers fans forget the name "Brett Favre," or at least those with short memories. With his flawless play, Rodgers has earned the respect of his teammates, and on Sunday night, he'll take the national stage against "America's Team," a platform from which he can cement the notion that the Packers made the right choice to let Favre drift away.

"Aaron's made himself a leader and a locker room presence with simple determination and hard work," says veteran wide receiver Donald Driver. "He's always there with words of encouragement or friendly advice, although I'm about sick and tired of hearing him say 'Won't you be my neighbor?' But I can look past that if he continues to play well. He's a level-headed guy, and has a consistent demeanor, whether he's dressed in his Packers uniform, or whether he's changed into his cardigan sweater and sneakers."

The Cowboys offense is smoking-hot after a 41-point outburst against the Eagles. Tony Romo tossed 3 touchdown scores, and Dallas backed up Jessica Simpson's proclamation that the 'Boys would beat the Eagles. And she's at it again. Sketchy reports indicate that Simpson has predicted a Cowboys win, although it was later revealed that a paparazzi cameraman, filming at a Dallas restaurant, recorded Simpson telling Romo to slice her a piece of cheddar. Gossip sites ran haphazardly with the story, with one posting the headline 'Simpson Says Romo Will Cut Cheese.' But that was nothing compared to the egregious headline on another gossip site that read 'Romo Has Tossed Salad,' a headline that, while factually correct about Romo's dinner choice, implied that Romo had, in his past, engaged in behavior unbecoming of a strong, virile, NFL quarterback.

"Here's hoping T.O. didn't read that headline," says Romo. "I think our relationship would suffer."

Packers win, 31-30.

NY Jets @ San Diego (-9)

With two consecutive losses coming on the game's final play, you can best believe the Chargers are angry, and will take out all of their frustration on the Jets. While San Diego lost fairly and squarely to the Panthers in Week 1, last Sunday's 39-38 loss in Denver came as a direct result of a mistake by referee Ed Hochuli, who blew his whistle on a play in which Jay Cutler had clearly fumbled. Hochuli's inadvertent whistle blew the play dead, nullifying a San Diego recovery.

"This is unforgivable," says Norv Turner. "When Hochuli said he 'blew it,' I guess he did so on both accounts. Hochuli was feeding me so much 'bull,' I thought I was gonna have to call in the rodeo clowns. Apparently, one of the items on Hochuli's checklist of 'Things to Do in Denver When You're Ed' is make one of the biggest blunders in NFL officiating history. You'd think with those 24-inch pythons, Hochuli would have the strength to take the whistle out of his mouth."

Turner's now got a newfound hatred for whistles, and whistling in general. Just the other day, he was relaxing in his recliner after a long day of game-planning, ready to enjoy an episode of The Andy Griffith Show. Turner put a fist through the television screen not long after the theme song began.

The Chargers are hopping mad. But don't get mad, Chargers, get even. Of course, to do that, you'd have to win two games, thus evening your record to 2-2. This is a game they must win. And I'm guessing the officiating will by slightly skewed in their favor. San Diego wins, 23-20.

Posted by Jeffrey Boswell at 11:43 AM | Comments (3)

NBA Offseason Review: West (Pt. 1)

A new NBA battlefield is taking shape. This offseason has brought some new faces to different teams, and these teams each have a fresh set of challenges before them as the season approaches. As you'll see, some once great teams are now beginning to fall victim to the natural sports cycle of "talent turnover," which all teams of all sports must inevitably accept as their shared fate. Older players decline, younger ones improve, and departed talent is replaced for better or worse.

It is this cycle that gives us hope for each new season; a chance for us to overtake our rivals and send them plunging perilously towards rebuilding mode. It's the sheer possibility of finally seeing your team turn the proverbial corner (unless, of course, you're a fan of the Hawks, Clippers, or Grizzlies).

Find out which teams have dug their own grave this season, who we need to be looking out for, and who is simply treading water. In this three-part series covering the Western Conference, you'll notice that the balance of power is definitely shifting, but you might not like how it's turning out.

Western Conference Part One: "Job Well Done"

L.A. Lakers

Sometimes the best action is inaction. In the Lakers' case, their obvious goal this offseason was to shore up their own free agents, and let the rest take care of itself. By making it through the gauntlet of Western Conference powerhouses, and earning a trip all the way to the NBA finals last season, the Lakers have proven that they have the talent to go all the way. What's needed now is another season to gel as a team, and get back healthy.

When Andrew Bynum went out with a knee injury that took him out for the latter half of the season, the team powered on without him. However, a talent downgrade such as that was too much to overcome against the Celtics. This year, with a healthy Bynum at center, the team can enjoy a more physical post presence down the stretch. Heck, any presence is better than what the Pau Gasol/Lamar Odom combo can muster alone. In the NBA Finals, the Lakers sorely missed Bynum's rebounding and aggressiveness. That won't be the case this year.

Other than that, the Lakers made a smart move by resigning their restricted free agent Sasha "The Machine" Vujacic. His underrated defense and quick three point shot made him an asset last year. Unfortunately for Lakers fans, they weren't able to hold on to their other free agent, Ronnie Turiaf, who left for a bigger contract in Golden State. Turiaf provided some tough defense in the front court for the Lakers, but with Bynum coming back healthy, and Gasol and Odom in the front court, as well, they simply couldn't justify giving him the kind of contract he deserved due to the reduced minutes he would likely see.

Although I have some legitimate concerns about their depth, especially if the injury bug bites again, you can nonetheless expect to see the L.A. Lakers right back in Finals contention again this season. If Andrew Bynum continues his progression as one of the game's best up-and-coming centers, it just might be a different outcome this time around.

Houston Rockets

In a relatively short time, the young GM of the Houston Rockets, Daryl Morey, has reshaped the Rockets roster into what could be their most talented ever this upcoming season.

To start things off this offseason, the Rockets finally realized that they had grown tired of Luther Head's streaky play, and decided to sign veteran two-guard Brent Barry away from their division rivals, the San Antonio Spurs. While Barry is no doubt at the end of his career, the Rockets were able to acquire him for a fair price, and there's no denying that they can use his consistent three-point shooting and overall leadership skills.

However, the most important move the team has made this offseason has been through trade. During the NBA draft, the Rockets were able to acquire Donte' Greene of Syracuse through a draft night trade with Memphis. Little did anyone know that this would end up being part of another move in the weeks to come that would send the Rockets one of the leagues most talented, aggressive, and imposing forces: Ron Artest.

While Artest comes with a heavy risk factor regarding his on and off the court behavior, when focused, he can be a dominating player. By pulling the trigger on this deal, they are assuming even more risk due to Artest's expiring contract giving him the ability to sign elsewhere after this year.

However, when winning games and competing under a player's coach in Rick Adelman, Artest has shown the ability to be a loyal team player. The Rockets sent the Kings Greene, next year's first round pick, and Bobby Jackson's expiring contract in exchange. Not a bad move.

Artest fills an immediate need for the Rockets by providing toughness, and a legitimate third scoring option behind Tracy McGrady and Yao Ming. His elite defensive skills are compiled to one of the league's best defenses last season.

With these moves in place, the Rockets are now looking to resign their own restricted free agent, Carl Landry, which would help solidify their frontcourt. By drafting Memphis standout Joey Dorsey in the second round of this year's draft, they can now utilize Dorsey's athleticism, length, and defense against slightly shorter, quicker centers that seem to give Yao Ming fits.

They are still in need of a true backup center if Dikembe Mutumbo decides to retire, and there is no arguing that their point guard play could use some upgrading, especially when comparing it to the other superstar level talent in the West, but having three stars of their own now should all but lock the Rockets in to a deep postseason experience.

Of course, their Achilles heel this season, like the last few, will be injury concerns. It's become a given that Yao and T-Mac will miss their share of time with bumps and bruises, but as long as they can avoid season-ending injuries, this team should be set to go. Look out Western Conference, because this season the Rockets have gone all in.

Portland Trailblazers

If I'm talking about teams who are greatly improved in the Western Conference this year, then you know I have to give a shout out to the Portland Trailblazers. This team is quickly becoming everyone's favorite team to root for, even if they won't admit it. How could you not like a team with so many young quality players?

The Trailblazers began their offseason shakeup by completing a draft night trade that sent their pick to the Indiana Pacers for Arizona point guard Jerryd Bayless. This was a phenomenal move by GM Kevin Pritchard. Bayless was projected to be picked in the top five, but somehow slipped to the Pacers at No. 11.

Why the Pacers didn't want to keep him themselves, I'll never know. (And don't give me the "They had just traded for T.J. Ford" excuse, either. Ford is solid, but he isn't spectacular, and with the league putting more and more value on guard play, it's a wonder Bayless fell that far in the first place. I'm telling you, Bayless is going to be special. Think a young Steve Francis type, with a better outside shot, and without the attitude problem.)

In addition to this roster shakeup, every fan will be anxiously awaiting the debut of last year's first overall pick, Greg Oden. Oden was sidelined all of last year with knee surgery, making this year his official rookie season. He will come in and fill a big need for a playmaking center in the middle for the Trailblazers.

He will no doubt have the typical rookie woes and learning curve, but by midseason, I predict he'll be a walking, talking double-double. An improvement in the frontcourt such as this is by itself enough to boost your team to new heights, but for this year's new playoff threat, it doesn't end there.

Along with the additions of Oden and Bayless, both of whom fill immediate needs for the team, the 2008 Portland Trailblazers are enjoying a plethora of other young up-and-comers, who are only going to get better with time. Newcomer Rudy Fernandez looked like an elite talent on the Spanish Olympic team this summer, while players such as Brandon Roy, LaMarcus Aldridge, Travis Outlaw, and Martel Webster are only going to further improve upon their numbers from last year. And with the assistance of a new playmaking point guard and a prominent force at the center position, things are only going to get easier for this group.

All in all, I fully expect this team to earn a seven- or eight-seed in the playoffs at the end of the season. The biggest issues facing them right now are experience and defense. Sharpening their defensive skills, and gaining valuable experience against the Western powerhouses this season will enable them to go even further next season. While they're still a couple years away from having legitimate title hopes, teams in the Western conference need to be aware of what's going on in Portland, because if not, they just might pass them by.

Now, I know many of you are still wondering where your team ranks on their offseason changes. You may get your answer by checking back later for part two of this Western Conference offseason recap entitled "Have They Done Enough?"

Posted by Kenneth Dean at 11:36 AM | Comments (3)

September 17, 2008

Is Fantasy Football Killing the Game?

Fantasy football is killing the game.

I know, I know, this may not make a lot of sense. The more people play fantasy football, the more people watch NFL games. The more people play fantasy football, the more people read blogs, websites, and injury reports.

The more people play fantasy football, the more fantasy football becomes a priority over reality football.

How much time do you spend playing fantasy football? How much time do you spend watching football?

I am not only a critic, I am a member. I have four fantasy football teams and when Tom Brady went down in the season-opener, the first thing I did was see who had him in all my leagues. I had no interest in what it meant for The Golden Boy's career, I just wanted to know how long he'd be out and if Matt Cassel would be a good pickup.

Even the national media took the fantasy route. The "experts" predicted who would suffer and who would be a good waiver wire pickup because of Brady's injury.

Is that what we have all evolved into? A bunch of fantasy fiends?

I spend more time researching the upcoming games than I do watching the games. When Sunday morning comes around, I open up my laptop, turn on the TV, and watch the games; not for the most intriguing matchup, but rather what games my players are playing.

And I think I have finally reached the tipping point. Maybe.

True football fans should play fantasy football, but it shouldn't come first regardless of how much money is involved.

I shouldn't curse Hines Ward for making a touchdown catch because it didn't go to Santonio Holmes, nor should I cheer for anyone on the Cowboys, Giants, or Redskins as an Eagles fan.

But that's what I do.

I compromise my whole moral compass for the game. Do I care? No. Like Al Davis, just win, baby!

So when LaDainian Tomlinson goes down with a toe, and Ryan Grant goes missing because of a hamstring, don't look for me to turn their games on. I've got bigger fish to fry.

Can Ben Roethlisberger recover from a dislocated shoulder to lead my team to a championship? Can the Eagles go undefeated?

It's the dichotomy of the fantasy football fan. Hate fantasy football one week, love it the next.

Like Peyton Manning, I was over Tom Brady. I was disappointed most people cared more about how his injury affected fantasy football rather than if he'd become the next Daunte Culpepper. At the same time, I was glad I didn't have him.

I'm just glad I drafted T.J. Hou...Houszz....Whosyourmama...Championship!

Pop Quiz hot shot. The Bengals are playing the Browns, you're from Cleveland but have Chad Ocho Cinco on your fantasy football team. What do you do? Ahh...the life of a fantasy football player, how does one cope?

Posted by Wailele Sallas at 11:26 AM | Comments (1)

NASCAR Power Rankings: Week 27

Note: the quotes in this article are fictional.

1. Jimmie Johnson — Johnson had his bid for three straight wins thwarted by Greg Biffle, who passed Johnson for the lead with 11 laps to go. Still, Johnson's second-place was enough to put him on top of the point standings with Carl Edwards one race into the Chase.

"We're right where we need to be," says Johnson. "The Lowe's team has the experience and the know-how to win a third Cup. I'm not sure Edwards is ready for the spotlight. Isn't it obvious? Lowe's specializes in hardware. Office Depot? Paper. Edwards is nothing more than a 'paper champion.'"

2. Carl Edwards — With his times in early practice sessions slower than most of the field, Edwards got a break when rain washed out qualifying on Friday, and the grid was set based on the point standings. The No. 99 team made radical adjustments and nailed the setup, and Edwards was fast early, taking the lead on lap four and leading 61 on the day. He finished third, and is now tied with Jimmie Johnson atop the point standings.

"After practice," says Edwards, "I never expected a result as high as third. So, I'll take a third with a big smile on my face, and if anyone says that makes me look like Mr. Ed, then he should speak up, because I can't quite hear him all the way down there at seventh in the points. In the Chase, winning isn't everything. And Mr. Ed agrees when he says, 'whinning' isn't everything."

3. Kyle Busch — Busch's run for the Cup started in the worst possible way, as a broken heim joint early in the race left his No. 18 Joe Gibbs Toyota out of whack and lopsided. With his handling shot, Busch suffered several spins and ended his day 12 laps down in 34th. He fell from first to eighth in the points, and now trails Carl Edwards and Jimmie Johnson by 74 points.

"Even car parts are entitled to their 15 minutes of fame," says Busch. "I doubt we'll ever hear the words 'heim joint' again, unless some outlaw driver is busted smoking one in his car."

4. Greg Biffle — Biffle got a leg up in New Hampshire and stuck his nose right in the middle of the Chase, winning the Sylvania 300. The win put Biffle only 30 points behind point co-leaders Jimmie Johnson and Carl Edwards, who finished second and third, respectively.

"I realize that Kurt Busch is the only driver to win the first Chase race and then win the Sprint Cup," says Biffle. "And he did it with Roush. We could have history repeating itself. You know, take away getting smacked by a handful of rival drivers, and take away cosmetic ear surgery, and I've got no problem aspiring to be like Kurt Busch."

5. Dale Earnhardt, Jr. — Earnhardt led 79 laps, second only to Jimmie Johnson's 96, and finished fifth in New Hampshire. At one point midway through the race, Earnhardt opened a near-four second lead on the field, but then saw his progress deterred by the No. 55 of Michael Waltrip. Earnhardt battled with Waltrip for over 10 laps, which only added to his woes as the handling on the No. 88 Chevy deteriorated right on cue, mid-race.

"I checked the standings," says Earnhardt, "and Waltrip's 30th in the points and last in significance. But Waltrip's the least of my worries. Once again, I started the race with a great car, and, once again, I didn't end the race with a great car. I'm frustrated; I've got ground to make up. Now, if they gave bonus points for mid-race radio tantrums instead of wins, I'd be sitting pretty."

6. Tony Stewart — Stewart ran in the top 10 for most of the day, but a mishap in the pits with the No. 70 car of Johnny Sauter caused damage that necessitated a return to the pits. Stewart was later was caught speeding on pit lane and fell to 35th, but recovered to salvage an eight-place finish in his final Chase as a Joe Gibbs driver. Next year, Joey Logano takes over in the No. 20 Home Depot Toyota.

"I'll be certain to leave a sachet in the No. 20," says Stewart, "to mask the smell of douchebag in there. There's a lot of history in the Home Depot car, as well as a lot of food wrappers, odd smells, and other memories not fit for the virgin ears of an 18-year-old. One thing's for sure: the maturity level of the No. 20 driver is soon to increase exponentially."

7. Jeff Burton — Burton recorded his best finish since a third at Martinsville in March with a fourth in the Sylvania 300. Burton is now fourth in the point standings, 50 behind Jimmie Johnson and Carl Edwards.

"Haven't I been fourth in the points practically all year?" says Burton. "Can I win this Cup? Why not? I've paid my dues, at least to the National Geographic Society. I think I showed Sunday that the Jeff Burton during the Chase drives a little harder than the Jeff Burton prior to the Chase. Sure, I know Dale Earnhardt, Jr. fans hate me, but at least I'm getting an emotional reaction from somebody's fans, since my own fans don't go to such lengths to make themselves known. I want other drivers to be aware that I won't take any prisoners. If you see my No. 31 Richard Childress Chevy behind you, you'll know I mean business, and you're likely to see a new wireless phone carrier logo on my hood."

8. Denny Hamlin — Hamlin finished ninth in New Hampshire, right behind Joe Gibbs teammate Tony Stewart, as Kyle Busch struggled and tumbled seven places in the points from the top spot. Currently, Hamlin and Stewart are sixth and seventh in the points, respectively, with Hamlin 72 out of first.

"Poof! Just like that, I'm the top man at Joe Gibbs," says Hamlin. "It's funny. I'm now the picture of resilience, just one short month after practically giving up on the season. Soon, I'll be the elder statesman at Joe Gibbs Racing, a position that requires maturity. We all know Tony Stewart lacked maturity, but I've got no problem dating older women."

9. Jeff Gordon — With the grid set according to the point standings, Gordon started tenth and was relegated to a pit stall adjacent to that of Robby Gordon. On at least two occasions, Gordon's exit from his pit stall was hindered by Robby Gordon's entrance into his. That problem, coupled with his usual handling issues, eventually left Gordon with a 14th-place finish, and he is 11th in the points, 99 out of first.

"I'm not sure I can tolerate having the same last name as Robby Gordon," says Gordon. "That's why I'm doing the only logical thing left to do: I'm changing my last name to 'Dos Quatro.'"

"I can sit here and complain about the Chase format all day because, Lord knows, it's cost me Cup titles in years past. But I'm not complaining this year. To have the crappy season I've had and still be only 99 points out of first, well, you can't beat that with a stick."

10. Kevin Harvick — Harvick battled loose-handling conditions from the start of Sunday's Sylvania 300, leading to a finish of 10th in round one of the Chase. Harvick's Shell/Pennzoil Chevy improved on long runs, but the race's eight cautions often negated that progress.

"Somebody please explain to me why Ron Hornaday was using testosterone," says Harvick. "As NASCAR's unofficial spokesman on drug policy, I feel it's my duty to speak on NASCAR's behalf as to the dangers of testosterone usage. It can cause fits of rage and irrational thoughts. As the truck race at New Hampshire indicated, it looks like half the drivers in that series suffer from those problems."

Posted by Jeffrey Boswell at 11:14 AM | Comments (0)

September 16, 2008

NFL Week 2 Power Rankings

Five Quick Hits

* Good for Ed Hochuli for admitting that he blew a call. Bad for Hochuli for personally costing the Chargers a game.

* To the Dallas fans who booed the young woman who butchered the national anthem on Monday night, you have the thanks of a grateful nation.

* The Vikings need to be more careful with Adrian Peterson, or he's going to get hurt. They have a good backup in Chester Taylor, and those guys shouldn't be splitting carries 29-4.

* Props to the NFL for its new policy that a team can defer to the second half after winning the opening coin toss. Everyone is doing it.

* Mike Tirico said "the best QB in Philadelphia Eagles history" was at Dallas Stadium on Monday night, expressing uncertainty about whether that was Ron Jaworski or Donovan McNabb. I guess Tirico has never heard of Tommy Thompson, Norm Van Brocklin, or Randall Cunningham. All of those guys were better than Jaws, and they're pretty close to McNabb.

***

A round of virtual applause to CBS for showing the end of the Denver/San Diego game, after most of the country started out with Pats/Jets. There was plenty of action before that point, but we still got to see San Diego's game-tying touchdown and two-point conversion, Brandon Marshall's team-record catch, one of the most significant referee mistakes in league history, and Denver's two-point conversion to win. That's a lot of game to fit into about seven minutes.

I don't think there's a whole lot to say about the call that cost San Diego the game. It was wrong, and Hochuli admitted that. He made the right call on the replay review. It sucks, and it's not fair to the Chargers, but it's the way things are set up. Human error has always been part of the game, and replay reviews don't change that.

What's really interesting, I think, was Mike Shanahan's decision to go for two instead of kicking a game-tying extra point to go to overtime. It was the first time since 2005, when Jon Gruden did the same thing against Washington. There are any number of reasons a coach might decide to try for two instead of the kick. Maybe his defense is totally worn out, and he's convinced that there's no chance to stop the other team if he loses the coin toss for overtime. Maybe his offense doesn't deal well with pressure situations. Maybe he has a dynamite conversion play.

Or maybe he knows his team just lucked out with a bad call by the officials, and to even things out, he's putting the game in the hands of fate. If they make the conversion, it was meant to be; if they miss, justice is served.

I don't know why Shanahan made his decision the way he did. He says it was gut instinct, and maybe it's something as simple as that, but I like to think maybe it was that last one, giving the Chargers one more chance.

Anyway, on to the power rankings. The number in brackets shows last week's rank.

1. New York Giants [5] — Destroyed the Rams, which figures to be a popular way for NFL teams to spend their Sundays this year. New York's domination was total, but sacking Marc Bulger six times is especially noteworthy, because many fans expected the Giants' defensive line to struggle after Osi Umenyiora's season-ending injury in August. It is going to be very hard to keep Justin Tuck out of the Pro Bowl, but the whole line looks good.

2. Dallas Cowboys [1] — Please, please, someone get Tony Kornheiser off MNF broadcasts. It is not apparent that he has any interest in or understanding of the games he is in the booth for. He repeats the same things throughout the game regardless of what is happening. And what is up with his Cowboys cheerleading? "How 'bout dem Cowboys?" "How 'bout dat lack of professionalism?"

Anyway, a comment Tony made leads me to why I dropped the Cowboys and Eagles in my rankings: Kornheiser said that the game "had every conceivable thing you could want in a football game." I guess that's true, if it's inconceivable that you could want defense in a football game. You can't count on scoring 40 points every week, and it's not clear to me that either team has a particularly good defense.

3. Philadelphia Eagles [2] — DeSean Jackson's premature celebration may have been the single stupidest play I have ever seen in an NFL game. He literally threw away a touchdown! And, as I indicated above, I worry about their defense. Monday night was the first time I can remember seeing a team actually pick on Brian Dawkins.

4. Green Bay Packers [4] — I'm sure the Packers are a little resentful that the team is playing so well as a whole, and Aaron Rodgers is the only one getting any attention, but through two weeks, I'm not sure any NFL quarterback has been better.

5. Pittsburgh Steelers [3] — It's difficult to judge a team's performance in such unusual weather conditions, and it's also difficult to judge a team whose quarterback may or may not have serious shoulder problems. It's also tough to evaluate a team whose best defensive player has trouble staying healthy, but on Sunday night, we saw vintage Troy Polamalu. What other team can have its strong safety cover Kellen Winslow, Jr., man-for-man? For now, the Steelers seem awfully good, and I like their depth.

6. Tennessee Titans [7] — Kerry Collins managed the game; the defense controlled the game. I realize that Cincinnati's offense has mysteriously become terrible, but Tennessee may have the best defense in the league. I'm not sure I can wait until Week 8 to see Colts/Titans.

7. New England Patriots [8] — Clearly, Matt Cassel is not Tom Brady. The Patriots have enough good players and coaches that they should be competitive all season, no matter who plays quarterback, but I'm concerned about the offensive line. Last season, it was the best in the NFL, and against the Jets, it really struggled.

8. Denver Broncos [6] — The first thing that jumped out at me, from an extremely close game, was that Denver had 34 first downs to San Diego's 19, and an eight-minute edge in time of possession. What the Broncos did was finish drives, scoring five touchdowns while the Chargers kept settling for field goals, kicking three from inside 35 yards.

9. San Diego Chargers [9] — Caught two bad breaks from the officials, and probably should have won the game. At the same time, they could have done more, scoring only one TD on their four trips inside the red zone, and never forcing the Broncos to settle for field goals. I think this is a good team, but it will be tough to make the playoffs from 0-2. They're two games behind Denver in the AFC West, and it looks like the second-best teams from the East and South will be pretty tough competition for the wild cards. It would be a shame if San Diego misses the postseason because of this game.

10. Carolina Panthers [17] — They've beaten the Chargers and Bears without one of their best players. Now Steve Smith is coming back from his suspension, and the Panthers are in first place in the NFC South. John Fox is a very happy man today, because if Carolina had suffered two close losses with Smith out, people would be calling for the coach's head. Instead, they pulled out two tough victories, and he did the right thing.

11. Buffalo Bills [11] — Trent Edwards showed some promise last year, but he's been great the last two weeks. The Bills are getting good play from their defense and special teams, too, but very few people expected Edwards to be this good. If he can keep it up, and the defense stays relatively healthy, Buffalo will probably make the playoffs.

12. Indianapolis Colts [10] — Peyton Manning leads great comebacks. It just kind of seems to be his thing. But the Colts were not impressive on Sunday, and it looks like injuries will be a huge problem for at least the next few weeks. Indianapolis has major problems in its ground attack (last in NFL) and run defense (28th).

13. Arizona Cardinals [15] — The Cardinals are going to win the NFC West. They haven't won a division title since 1975, but this is their year. Part of that is because the rest of the division is pathetic, but it's also because the Cardinals are actually good. The defense is going to put a couple people in the Pro Bowl, the wide receivers are fantastic, and Kurt Warner is playing like it's 1999. If they win at Washington next week, I'm putting them in the top 10.

14. Chicago Bears [12] — The defense is back in top form. The offense is not. Kyle Orton, steady but unspectacular, does seem to be an upgrade over Rex Grossman, and he's a good fit for this team. Matt Forte is the team's best running back since ... uh, Thomas Jones, but that's great news after a year of Cedric Benson. The Bears should compete for a playoff spot this season, but it's going to be the same formula as always: great defense and an offense that is good enough.

15. Jacksonville Jaguars [13] — It's all about the offensive line. Last year, David Garrard played nearly mistake-free, but the offense was really predicated on a strong running game. This season, missing both starting guards and last year's center, nothing's there.

16. Minnesota Vikings [14] — Here's the problem: they can't throw the ball. It's not clear to me how much of the blame should go to Tarvaris Jackson. Undeniably, he needs to improve. But he doesn't have anyone to throw to, either.

17. Washington Redskins [25] — This defense might be really good. It was an especially nice debut for rookie DB Chris Horton, who wasn't even supposed to start, but finished with two interceptions and a fumble recovery. Washington's offense also showed signs of life, but it's unclear whether that means anything against the Saints' defense.

18. New Orleans Saints [16] — With Marques Colston out, Reggie Bush is the only playmaker on the offense. Devery Henderson is a nice second option at receiver, but he can't lead a team. This offense needs to be explosive, and without Colston, it isn't. Bush demonstrated again on Sunday that he can be very effective in space, but right now the Saints have absolutely no running game.

19. Tampa Bay Buccaneers [18] — I think the real Bucs are the ones that lost a tight game to New Orleans last week, not the team that coasted past Atlanta on Sunday. The defense played much better this week, and the offense did what it had to, but the Falcons gave them so many opportunities, it would have been pretty hard to lose. Get ready for a serious defensive battle against Chicago in Week 3.

20. Cleveland Browns [20] — Where is the offense? This is supposed to be a high-scoring team, and Winslow is the only one who looks half-aware of that. Also, I'm concerned about Romeo Crennel. He looks fatter than ever.

21. New York Jets [19] — I know everyone wants to talk about Brett Favre, but on Sunday, another new Jet had an absolutely monster game. DT Kris Jenkins looked better than I've seen him since 2003, when he was an all-pro. Jenkins was double-teamed on almost every play, and he still had a huge impact, tying for the team lead in tackles, sacking Cassel, and disrupting a ton of plays in ways that don't show up on the stat sheet.

22. Houston Texans [22] — The next home game is scheduled for Week 5, on October 5th. Will their stadium be ready by then? No one seems sure right now. If not, I'm guessing the team will play in the Astrodome, but I wouldn't rule out the possibility that the league moves their games to San Antonio, where the Saints played in 2005.

23. Baltimore Ravens [24] — They're going to miss that Week 10 bye. This is a team with a lot of older players, and a bye late in the season would have been really nice for those guys.

24. San Francisco 49ers [28] — J.T. O'Sullivan had a great game against Seattle (321 yards, 106.4 passer rating), but he has been sacked 12 times already. I don't know if it's bad pass protection, or O'Sullivan holding the ball too long, but something has to change.

25. Seattle Seahawks [21] — How on earth do you sack an opponent eight times, but still give up 33 points? How do you run for 169 yards with a 5.0 average but lose time of possession? For starters, you throw two interceptions, get a punt blocked, and commit 10 penalties. This team needs to trade for a wide receiver. Yesterday. Hell, get Jerry Rice out of retirement. Anything is an upgrade at this point.

26. Atlanta Falcons [26] — Everything that was good last week, was bad this week. Matt Ryan got sacked four times, threw two interceptions, and had a passer rating of 29.6. It was pretty much like that for the whole team, and they should probably be ranked lower than this. If you live in a television market that will show Atlanta vs. Kansas City in Week 3, instead of a real NFL game, you have my sympathy.

27. Oakland Raiders [32] — Rob Ryan's much-maligned defense rose to the occasion in Week 2, absolutely controlling the Chiefs. The Raiders tallied five sacks, two interceptions, and two fumble recoveries. When they weren't causing turnovers, they were limiting Larry Johnson to 1.8 yards per carry and embarrassing KC's quarterbacks. JaMarcus Russell had a remarkably poor game in the win.

28. Kansas City Chiefs [23] — Darren McFadden ran all over them, but the problem is not the defense. Or at least, the main problem is not defense. This team has no offensive line, no quarterback, and no running game. Dwayne Bowe and Tony Gonzalez can play a little, but I don't know how they're supposed to get anything done. The offense stinks.

29. Miami Dolphins [27] — Which was less impressive against Arizona? The offense that managed only three points in the first 57 minutes? Or the defense that let Warner record a perfect passer rating? There are some questions humans will never be able to answer.

30. Cincinnati Bengals [29] — I'm very interested to see this team, which has seemingly fallen apart in the last eight months. I wonder how healthy Carson Palmer is, but clearly there's no one factor that's to blame for their problems. A lot is wrong.

31. Detroit Lions [30] — Gave up five sacks against Green Bay. This team needs to improve in almost every area, but better pass protection seems like an obvious place to start.

32. St. Louis Rams [31] — In a really tight competition with Detroit for worst defense in the league, but I'll give an edge to the Rams for now. The offense is terrible, as well. Steven Jackson hasn't gotten going, and Marc Bulger has been sacked 10 times already, second-worst in the league. I hate to keep beating the same drum over and over, but the biggest problem is their awful offensive line.

Posted by Brad Oremland at 12:51 PM | Comments (1)

September 15, 2008

Rain, Rain, Why'd You Come?

It's a moment in time when power displays its full force. In all its chaotic fury, it can provided poetry in motion. There are few things on this planet that can capture the masses with awe while whipping them into a frenzy. And two of these phenomena collided this past weekend.

The first is as simple as a bat and a ball. The second one is as complex as thermodynamic physics.

Baseball has seen its share of hot streaks, comebacks, and collapses. From the 1964 St. Louis Cardinals making up six and a-half games in 12 days (known more for the Philadelphia Phillies' collapse) to 2007's Rocktoberfest (Colorado won 13 of 14 just to get into a one-game playoff for the wild card spot), the game has seen some spectacular months of September. This blog entry tells the story of a few more hot streaks and starts off with a familiar theme

The Houston Astros might as well be known as the Down-the-Stretch Team of the decade for their amazing feats of coming out of mediocrity to make a push for the postseason. This franchise has come back from the critically wounded to contend in 2001 (division title), 2004 (wild card), 2005 (wild card and the National League pennant), and 2006 (won 10 of their last 12 to finish 1½ back of the division crown).

Now, after giving up the spotlight to the Rockies last year, Houston's at it again. After losing to Cincinnati on August 27th and falling to 66-66 on the season, the 'Stros had reeled off 14 victories in 15 games to sneak to within 2½ of wild card leader Milwaukee by Friday. Then, the second force decided to take over in the form of Mother Nature.

Houston was set to host division-leading Chicago this weekend for three, with the Cubs having lost eight of nine before getting two wins in St. Louis. However, Hurricane Ike decided to show up at the party. And even though his 110 mph winds, torrential rains, and storm surge weren't invited, they crashed anyway.

Unfortunately for the Astros, the tropical storm left its mark on the city. Minute Maid Park was flooded and in no condition for baseball (let alone the rest of the city didn't seem in condition to celebrate the game). More unfortunate for the team was the decision by the upper brass of MLB to hold a shortened two-game series in Milwaukee's Miller Park, which is much more Cub-friendly.

Houston manager Cecil Cooper was reportedly upset with the decision (as I would be if in his position). Although they were the home team on Sunday night, the 'Stros seemed to lose a ton of their momentum. Of course, being no-hit by Carlos Zambrano can do that to you.

Do I empathize with the Houston Astros organization? Yeah. Colorado's run last year was a perfect example that once you get red hot, you don't want to quit playing. Every pitch looks like it's grooved over the middle of the plate. Your glove seems twice as big. No throw goes offline of its target. That snowball was in the ownership of the Astros. Now, it appears that a bit of rain has melted the effect away. If they get on another streak the likes of the last couple of weeks, I'll be very impressed.

But did Major League Baseball make the correct decision? Unfortunately, yes. The league might have been able to move the series to Dallas because the Texas Rangers were out west in Oakland for the weekend. That wouldn't have worked out either, though, with north Texas getting rain dumped in their back pockets, too.

With a week until the Astros finish their home schedule, the city should be able to clean up enough to give the team a viable home presence. However, three games is too much to make up after the season ends, which is what would have probably happened had the League saw it necessary to replace the home games. The Astros do have an off-day next Monday, but the Cubs would more than likely have to schedule a double header with another opponent (most likely the Mets) in order to appease Houston. This wouldn't be fair to the Cubs or their opposition.

So, we're stuck with two games in Milwaukee and a possible make up date in Houston ... if the Astros can keep the interest alive. And while I'm far from a fan of Bud Selig and his Commissioner ways, I feel that this is the best solution. Again, if you're a fan of the Astros, I empathize with you. But just think of the headline if your team starts their fire again and pulls off a playoff berth.

"Wild Card, Strength of Ike Swallowed Up in Ferocious Pennant Push"

And you thought Mother Nature's power was awesome.

Posted by Jonathan Lowe at 11:53 AM | Comments (0)

The Death of Doubles Tennis?

It's time for a confession. On the final day of action at Wimbledon last year, I missed the first set of the epic final between Roger Federer and Rafael Nadal. Now before you say anything, let me explain why this was, well, unavoidable. As the first chapter of the men's singles final took place on Centre Court, something far more entertaining was taking place over on Court No. 1. That's right, the drama of the men's doubles final was unfolding, just a few hundred yards away from the "main attraction."

As the doubles progressed into a fourth set, I became well aware that to carry on watching would mean that I would have to miss the men's singles final. In all honesty, I gave it a little thought. However, after about two seconds of thinking, I knew what had to be done.

Think about it. The opportunity to watch the likes of Federer and Nadal ply their trade is nearly always available. Now consider that doubles tennis rarely gets shown on the television. I don't know about anyone reading this, but I have a fondness deep in my heart for the game of doubles. Therefore, I actually didn't face a dilemma at all.

Sadly, as the 2008 season begins to draw to a close, I fear that the game that I have so much passion for is dying a very slow and painful death. Long gone are the days when the top players in the world would participate in doubles tournaments on a regular basis. Unfortunately, this is a contributing factor to doubles tennis plummeting in popularity in recent times. As a result, the game now resides in a desperately dark place. In fact, it's in a location that doesn't even appear to have a light switch in the corner to cast a glimmer of hope on proceedings.

Catching a game of doubles on the television has become an extremely difficult task. The only time the opportunity really presents itself is during the Grand Slam events and the Davis Cup. However, besides at Wimbledon, the other three Grand Slams have devalued doubles tennis somewhat. At the three majors outside of England, men's doubles matches are now only best-of-three sets. Just a couple of years ago, all the major tournaments offered the spectator a best-of-five contest. Now only Wimbledon of the Grand Slam tournaments provides the world with this spectacle.

So the situation as I see it is that the public is seldom given the choice of watching doubles in the comfort of their own home. Furthermore, when it is on the television, as it is during the Grand Slams, there is now less of it to actually watch.

To some degree, I can understand why this is the case. Very few of the top doubles players are household names, unlike their singles counterparts. Thus, one would expect that some people would not be bothered with the matches on offer. Consequently, it must be harder for tennis officials to market the game of doubles because they can't just put Federer's name up on the marquee, knowing that people would want to watch.

With that in mind, during this year's Wimbledon Championships, Federer stated something very intriguing. The great man said in a press conference that he would definitely consider playing doubles with either Nadal or Andy Roddick. One could only imagine what a pairing of that caliber would do for the profile of doubles tennis. Federer's desires may never come to fruition, nor do they really matter to the success of doubles as a whole. The people competing should not really be dictating whether it's worthy of viewing, it should come down to the event itself.

My point is that it doesn't matter who the people are in these doubles encounters. While some matches in the singles tournaments may be one-sided and extremely boring, it is hard to come across a dreary game of doubles. With many points being played by all four competitors at the net, the points are often fast and furious. Merely watching this form of tennis is an exhilarating experience.

Doubles tennis is undoubtedly a great spectacle that leaves the viewers on the edge of their seats. Nevertheless, it seems that someone, somewhere has called time on the doubles scene. I imagine that it will always play a part in tournaments, but never more than a bit part. It leads me to think that it may be best for all parties if we all just agree to euthanize the game of doubles once and for all. I simply don't want to see something I love played out in this manner any longer.

Posted by Luke Broadbent at 11:14 AM | Comments (0)

September 12, 2008

NFL Weekly Predictions: Week 2

Note: the quotes in this article are fictional.

Chicago @ Carolina (-3)

With two stunning upsets on the road in Indianapolis and San Diego, the Bears and Panthers are both 1-0 and, for the time being, look like teams that could really make some noise in the NFC. Jake Delhomme's right elbow looked fine as he pump-faked and then hit Dante Rosario for the game-winning score on the game's last play.

"We're back to playing the physical, gum-smacking style that John Fox likes," says Delhomme. "Dante's a second-year player whom most of you haven't heard of, but he's anonymous no longer. This was probably the most dramatic appearance by a Panther player since Rae Carruth popped out of a trunk. Dante landed both feet inbounds, while Rae landed both feet in the penitentiary."

The Chicago defense looked like the fearsome squad that lead the team to the 2006 Super Bowl, shutting down the Indy offense and dominating in such fashion that probably even Rex Grossman would have had a hard time blowing it. Indeed, the swagger is back in the Windy City.

"Do you mean 'swagger' as in 'walking in a pompous manner?'" asks Brian Urlacher. "Or, do you mean 'swagger' as in Old Spice 'Swagger,' the deodorant that, by simply applying to your armpits, can transform one from a 'nerdy person' into a 'colossal man mountain of awesomeness?'"

Oh, I was referring to Old Spice "Swagger." What else? Of course, you do realize that the Panthers wear their own version of a popular deodorant that makes them bad-ass, as well. Steve Smith is the paid endorser for Right Guard's "Right Cross," the deodorant that works so quickly, you won't know what hit you.

This is a huge game for both teams, and a win could put the victor in the driver's seat in their respective division. Should the Bears win, they would have two big road wins under their belt. Should the Panthers emerge with the win, they would be 2-0 without their best player, Steve Smith, who'll return next week, assuming his fist stays off of Ken Lucas' nose.

Carolina wins, 27-23.

Tennessee @ Cincinnati (-1)

Does the Bengals' public address system still blare Guns N' Roses' "Welcome to the Jungle" before home games? They do? Well, I suggest they continue to do so, but with a few changes to the lyrics.

"Welcome to the jungle. Our defense is very tame. The most popular question now, is 'What's Chad Johnson's name?'"

First things first. The Bengals defense? About as likely to show up for a game as GN'R's Chinese Democracy for its 11th scheduled release date of November 11th. Chad Johnson? Chad Ocho Cinco? Look, Chad. It was cool to have "Ocho Cinco' on the back of your jersey when it wasn't your real name. Now that it's your real last name? Not a big deal.

"Okay, then," says the Bengals enigmatic wide receiver. "Call me Ishmael."

You can best believe Tennessee's no-nonsense head coach Jeff Fisher wouldn't tolerate such name-changing shenanigans on his team. That is, of course, unless Johnson (Ocho Cinco) was a member of the Titans' star-deprived receiving corps.

"'Ocho Cinco' means nothing to me," says Fisher. "I'm like Kerry Collins. I like my tequila in Spanish, not my receivers. Now, if we did have a receiver with a Spanish name, like, say 'Dos Equis,' I guarantee that Kerry wouldn't be able to look that receiver off at all. Now somebody put out an APB for Vince Young."

Young is located by police in a construction site port-a-john, sobbing hysterically, with a tear-stained copy of Nicholas Sparks' The Notebook on his person. But Young shows up on the sidelines come Sunday. However, he's on crutches in his street clothes. After a 27-20 Titans victory, Young shows up on the Internet on crutches and shirtless.

Green Bay @ Detroit (+7½)

If it's a game involving the Lions, always take the under. Especially when the over/under is listed as "achievement." The Lions are under-achievers, and that was none more evident than last week when Detroit was overwhelmed 34-21 by the Falcons in the Georgia Dome.

"It's business as usual for me," says Detroit president and COB (chief operating buffoon) Matt Millen. "Honestly, I thought we were well-prepared for the Atlanta game. I know I was. Having eight home games indoors has prepared me very well for losing indoors on the road. Home games are the cures for all ills, particularly in Detroit. There, the luxury suites occupied by myself and those responsible for my hiring are equipped with rose-colored glass. That explains why the fans are only people who notice that something is terribly wrong with this team. And that's why the rose-colored glass is also bulletproof."

Just as Millen is fond of doing, Packers officials are patting themselves on the back, confident, after only one game, that they made the right move by sticking with Aaron Rogers and saying bye to Brett Favre. Rodgers was solid in the Packers Monday night win over the Vikings, tossing a touchdown pass and rushing for another. The latter score led to Rodgers' first "Lambeau Leap," which he flawlessly executed.

"It's just like what general manager Ted Thompson has been telling me for the past sixth months," says Rodgers. "Quarterback success in Green Bay is all about the system and has nothing to do with the QB. Obviously, I've bought into his words and the system. Now, don't mention the name 'Brett Favre' to me again until I've won three MVP awards and a Super Bowl."

They've already named a street in Green Bay after Rodgers. It's called "Premature Infatuation Boulevard."

Ryan Grant rushes for 111 yards and a score, and Rodgers is not allowed to make any mistakes. Packers win, 30-20.

Buffalo @ Jacksonville (-5½)

Jack Del Rio and the Jags look to get back on track after a forgettable start to the season that earlier saw Fred Taylor arrested for disorderly conduct in Miami, then, last Sunday, saw Jacksonville physically dominated by the Titans in a 17-10 loss. David Garrard was sacked seven times, and the Jags' vaunted rushing attack was limited to 33 yards on the ground.

"I understand Sports Illustrated's Peter King has my team representing the AFC in the Super Bowl," says Jack Del Rio. "Now, by 'represent,' does he mean 'playing in' the Super Bowl, or is he talking about Madden '09 or something? 'Represent' is such an overused expression these days, and I blame the jive turkeys in the rap community for that. You know, Lil' Wayne can wear a Yankees jersey and say he 'represents' the Yankees. Bull. Just because you put on a jersey doesn't make you a player. I think my guys proved that last week against Tennessee. Players play, haters hate. Right now, I hate my players."

Buffalo's Dick Jauron loves his players. In fact, he loves all things Buffalo, including wings, nickels, "Butt" from The Jeffersons, Sabres, and the Goo Goo Dolls.

"It's difficult to concentrate on the Jaguars," says Jauron, "when the landscape of the AFC East has changed so much so fast with Tom Brady's injury. Before he went down, we were arguably the second-best team in the division. After Brady's injury, I think it's safe to say we're arguably the second-best team in this division. Just want to make a shout out to Johnny Rzeznik of the Goo's. I love you, man."

Well put, Dick. All sentimentality aside, the Jaguars are angry and desperate for a win. It's back to basics for Jacksonville, as Fred Taylor and Maurice Jones-Drew rush for a combined 187 yards. Jacksonville gets in the win column with a 26-17 win.

Oakland @ Kansas City (-4)

Was Chiefs safety Bernard Pollard's hit on Tom Brady legal? Most, including the NFL, agree that it was not a dirty, nor illegal hit. Replays show that Pollard was blocked into Brady as Pollard tried to rise from the ground to tackle him. But Randy Moss, suddenly an expert on blocking, tackling, and good sportsmanship, believes Pollard's intent was to hurt Brady.

"Man, it was plain as day," says Moss. "It's obvious that Pollard wants to earn a bad reputation, then have a falling out with the coaches, get disgruntled, then be traded away to a contender for a meaningless draft pick. I've seen it done. He maybe even has designs on owning his own NASCAR Craftsman truck team, just like my team, officially called Moss Motorsports, but unofficially known as 'A.F.R.O. Speedwagon.'"

The Raiders suffered a humiliating 41-14 loss to the Broncos in the Black Hole last Monday, averting the shutout with two meaningless fourth-quarter scores. The play of the Raiders so infuriated owner Al Davis that he had his flying monkeys throwing remotes at his several televisions located in various chambers of his granite mansion, Castle Grayskull. The Raiders committed 10 penalties, five of which were personal fouls. In the span of about two minutes of the second quarter, cornerback DeAngelo Hall was flagged for two personal fouls.

"Well then, I guess that there Hall kid was born to be a Raider," says Davis, as one of his minions applies black shoe polish to his hair. "Has he spit on anybody? No? Well, as soon as he does, he'll earn a plaque on my wall beside that of Bill Romanowski, the dirtiest player in the game. Now, my Raiders really need to offer some protection for JaMarcus Russell, my 260-pound quarterback who hasn't reached his potential, yet has reached critical mass. Hey, what does a Raiders offensive lineman and Jamaican sprinter Usain Bolt have in common? They're both fast out of their blocks."

Larry Johnson rushes for 103 yards on 44, I'm sorry, 24, carries and the Chiefs win, 23-17.

Indianapolis @ Minnesota (+2)

After last week's 29-13 loss to the Bears, it's clear that Peyton Manning is uncomfortable. His mobility is limited as he overcomes a bursa sac infection in his knee, and he is still getting used to being without center Jeff Saturday, who's out with a knee injury.

"When you lose the center you've been fondling for nearly a decade," says Manning, "it takes some time to acclimate oneself to a new crotch. That's easy for dogs, but not for an NFL quarterback. Jeff Saturday's undercarriage fit my hands like a good pair of gloves. I don't get the same feeling with Jamey Richard at center. In fact, I think Jamey has an enlarged prostate."

"And speaking of 'big booties,' you've got to love my new Oreo commercial with brother Eli and the Williams sisters, Venus and Serena. Let me reiterate, when I say 'It's on like Donkey Kong,' I mean strictly in an Oreo-licking contest. In no way do mean to challenge the Williams' to any sort of contest that may result in me trapped a leg scissors head lock. Those girls are 'Booty-licious,' especially Serena. With her, I guess it's more appropriate to say 'It's on like Ba-Donk-A-Donk-ey Kong.'"

Barring a tie, one of these two teams that most people have penciled in for the playoffs will be 0-2. Heck, when was the last time a Peyton Manning-led team was 0-2? Oh, I know — after their first two playoff games against the Patriots. You know the Metrodome will be rocking like a cruise boat full of Purple People Eaters on Lake Minnetonka, but that won't bother the Colts. Heck, they might even pipe in some of their own crowd noise.

Manning does it through the air, throwing for 276 yards and three scores, while still finding time to read a few commercial scripts on the sidelines. Indianapolis wins, 30-26.

NY Giants @ St. Louis (+9)

With Tom Brady's season-ending injury the hottest topic in the NFL, it's certainly fitting that the Giants/Rams matchup pits the teams that started and ended the Patriots' dynasty. The heavily-favored Rams lost to the Pats in Super Bowl XXXVI, and New England went on to win two of the next three titles. Last year, in Super Bowl XLII, the Giants squelched New England's undefeated quest with a 17-14 win.

"As our Super Bowl win and Brady's injury have shown," says Eli Manning, who consummated his wedding vows with a spotlight dance to Katey Perry's 'I Kissed a Girl (And I Liked It),' "the balance of power shifts quickly in this business. Injuries are a part of the game, and you just have to deal with them. Plaxico Burress has the system down. Complain of an injury, never practice, and go out and dominate. We're both chomping at the bit to face the Rams defense that gave up 414 passing yards against the Eagles. The Rams have a defensive backfield soon to be 'torched,' and a coach soon to be 'fired.'"

If you've been under a rock for the last year, or even if you follow the NFL very closely, you probably don't know that coach is Scott Linehan. I think, but I can't be sure.

"We've got one huge advantage over the Giants," says a boastful Linehan. "We only have to play NFC East teams once. Take that Giants."

They're fingers are trembling, in their Super Bowl rings.

New York wins, 31-17.

New Orleans @ Washington (-1)

If you can't bring President George Bush to New Orleans in a time of disaster, then why not bring the Bush and New Orleans to Washington? So what if it's three years too late. Heck, who doesn't believe that our president is a day late and a dollar short, if not three years late and $1,000,000,000,000 short? Anyway, Reggie Bush will make his debut in Washington, and last week, he flashed some of his enormous potential with a spectacular 42-yard touchdown catch to help the Saints beat the Bucs.

"Bush is certainly a great player," says President Bush. "I wouldn't go so far as to say he's the 'nuculus' of that team, but he is an integral part. The kid I really like is that Jeremy Shockey. Jeremy Shockey is a Saint. Isn't that an oxymoron? What is an 'oxymoron' anyway? Is it a dumb water buffalo? Is it a pimply-faced idiot?"

That depends, Mr. President, on what your definition of is is.

Washington wins, 28-24.

San Francisco @ Seattle (-9½)

One week into the season, and to the surprise of very few, three NFC West teams are 0-1 after being outscored by a cumulative 95-26 last week. Two of those team face off Sunday at Qwest Field, where Matt Hasselbeck and his bulging disc hope to rebound from a miserable 17-of-41, 190-yard, 1-interception day in a 34-10 loss to the Bills.

"Back injuries are the worst," says Hasselbeck. "My wife agrees. She's been telling me for years that she'd rather me have a bulge in the front than one in the back. And after treating my bulging disc with an epidural, a procedure usually reserved for women giving birth, I have a new appreciation for what women go through. I'm in touch with my feminine side."

San Francisco lost four fumbles in their 23-13 loss to the Cardinals last week. That's a lot of turnover. And speaking of turnover, isn't San Francisco on its fourth offensive coordinator in the last four years? Now, it's Mike Martz turn to confuse the 49er quarterbacks.

"Offenses are never easy to learn," says Martz. "It's like Denise Richards — it's complicated. And the 49ers go through offensive coordinators like Charlie Sheen goes through call girls."

Hasselbeck plays through his back pain, thanks to another epidural. Gamely, he shakes off the effects of a heavy flow day, and the irritation from that "itch you can't scratch." Finally, after taking a hit from 49er linebacker Patrick Willis, Hasselbeck pulls himself from the game after his water breaks and he dilates to three centimeters. Seneca Wallace cleans up, and the Seahawks win, 23-20.

Atlanta @ Tampa Bay (-4)

The excitement is back in Atlanta after the Falcons racked up 318 yards on the ground, 220 by Michael Turner, in a 34-21 beating of the Lions last week. Football's back in the "Dirty South," and the Falcons will get a real test when they travel to Tampa, where the Bucs are seething after a close loss to the Saints.

"Confidence is high," says Mike Smith, who likes to hang out in Buckhead at a corner bar called 'Cheers,' where everybody knows his name. "Hey, check this out? If I coached soccer in Mexico, would I be known as 'Jose Gomez.' If I coached cricket in India, would I be known as 'Mahatma Patel.' If you'd like to answer my questions, look me up in the Atlanta phone book. I'm the 376th Mike Smith on the list."

"Dirty South," meet "Dirty Mouth." Last week in New Orleans, Fox cameras caught John Gruden, between profanities, inserting a pinch of smokeless tobacco.

"That's right," says Gruden. "Between my cheek and gum. Is there a problem? If somebody tells me I can't use tobacco in a my own football stadium, I'm gonna go ballistic. This is Tampa. Anything goes. Or at least in the women's bathroom stalls at local Tampa restaurants, or should I say 'eateries.'"

Will Michael Turner rack up 220 yards on the ground? Will Matt Ryan throw for a touchdown on his first pass? No, on both accounts, at least if that crotchety old geezy of a defensive coordinator Monte Kiffin has anything to do with it. Kiffin knows what it takes to stop the young Falcons. He's old school. He even wears sock suspenders.

The Bucs force two Ryan interceptions, and confuse him with varying coverages and looping blitzes. Brian Griese passes for one score and Ronde Barber returns a fumble for another. Tampa wins, 27-10.

Miami @ Arizona (-7)

You'd have to classify this as one of the great inter-conference rivalries in sports. Not only does it pit two up-and-coming coaches, Tony Sparano and Ken Whisenhunt, it also pits two of the most storied retirement communities in the United States. It's big, I tell you. At the Wrinkled Balls Retirement Hamlet in Miami's east side, they're calling it the "Prune Bowl," and many residents are planning to make the 14-hour trip down the hall, to the right, and to the TV room to watch the game.

"Bless those loyal fans," says Bill Parcells. "Believe me, I know all about loyalty. Anyway, we can't consider Tony Sparano a 'made' man until he gets his first win as a head coach, or he whacks a snitch, whichever comes first. Don't look at me. I don't make mafia rules. So blame it on La Cosa Nostra. Hey, that's kind of catchy. Kind of reminds me of the time I got busy with Eydie Gorme back in '57."

The Cards will be looking to go 2-0, and with a turnover-free game like last week's would surely guarantee a victory. A big reason for Arizona's success is Kurt Warner, one of the NFL's oldest starting quarterbacks.

"I take pride it my longevity," says Warner. "I also take pride in being the only player to win both a Super Bowl MVP award and the Iowa State Grocery Bagging championship. I'm also confident that should I falter, there's Matt Leinart to back me up. Matt's shown a great deal of maturity in the face of being a second-stringer. He doesn't seem to have any problem at all riding the pine."

"No, I don't have any problem with 'riding the pine,'" says Leinart. "Shucks, I've got women lining up to do it. Afterwards, I can either hose 'em down or they can hop in the jacuzzi. Well, I'm hot tubbin', check it and see. Water temp's about 103. Come on, baby, please remove those underpants. I'm hot tubbin', hot tubbin' ."

It's good to see Leinart's ready to start at a moment's notice.

Warner passes for two scores, then donates something to charity. Arizona wins, 23-17.

San Diego @ Denver (+1)

With Jay Cutler's diabetes under control, he's now throwing bullets instead of sweating them. And that makes Mike Shanahan a very happy man, although it's hard to tell because the man rarely smiles. And, sadly, Shanahan hasn't hugged his wife in eight months, and, the last time he did, he left orange smudges all over her clothes, residue from that oddly-colored organ that covers Shanny's body called "skin."

"Hey, don't knock me because I look like a cross between George Hamilton and the Scarecrow from the Wizard of Oz," says Shanahan. "This tan's the real deal. Sure, I may look a little gaunt, but that's only from 10 years of worrying if I'll ever find another John Elway. Cutler may be the answer. He's got the arm, the smarts, and absolutely no charisma. He's such a bad interview, journalists call him 'Jay-Zzzzz.' The only question is whether he's man enough to carry me to a Super Bowl win."

The Chargers lost their home opener to the Panthers 26-24, and their disappointment was further exacerbated by the news of Shawne Merriman's decision to have season-ending knee surgery.

"It's a minimally invasive surgery," says Norv Turner. "Doctors say Shawne will be on his feet in no time, and he'll probably be able to perform a sack dance right after the procedure, which I'm sure he will. Hopefully, we'll have other guys pick up the slack as far as our pass rush goes. We may even blitz a little more against Denver. We know we absolutely cannot give Jay Cutler the time he had to throw against the Raiders. I think I saw him drop back a few times, check his blood sugar level, and still complete the pass."

The Chargers don't want the hassle of climbing out of an 0-2 hole. There's one way to ensure that they don't: give LaDainian Tomlinson the ball. A lot. L.T. scores on the Chargers' first possession, and San Diego holds on for a 26-21 win.

Baltimore @ Houston (-4½)

You've got to hand it to Brian Billick. He called one heck of a game on Sunday, one that left Baltimore fans cheering wildly.

"Wait a minute," says Ravens head coach John Harbaugh. "Brian Billick is not the coach of the Ravens. I am. And I called one heck of a game."

Hey, chill out, Jim, I mean John. I know Brian Billick isn't the coach of the Ravens. But he did call one heck of a game Sunday. He was great as color guy in the Tampa/New Orleans game on FOX. And that had to make Ravens fan happy, knowing that Billick was making calls that had absolutely no bearing on the Baltimore game.

"Okay, I understand," replies Harbaugh. "I'm not sure Billick would have had the cojones to call a play that resulted in a touchdown run by a 6'6" rookie quarterback. Nor would he have called a wide receiver reverse that ended with a 42-yard touchdown run. You're right. Billick's a much better play caller when his play-calling has no affect on the game whatsoever."

Rookie quarterback Joe Flacco is set for his second start. Will the Texans be ready for the Ravens' trickery? You bet. The Houston defense forces three turnovers, and Matt Schaub rebounds from a miserable game in Pittsburgh, hitting Andre Johnson for two scores. Texans win, 23-14.

New England @ NY Jets (-1)

The magic is back in New York, while the thrill is gone in New England. Brett Favre led the Jets to a 20-14 win over the Dolphins in Miami, raising the hopes for Jets fans almost as much as Tom Brady's season-ending knee injury did. Favre tossed two touchdowns, and showed the enthusiasm, toughness, and improvisational skills that made him a hero in Green Bay.

"I'm a magic man, mama," says Favre. "And I know this city is starved for some magic. I mean, come on, who wants to David Blaine locked in some glass case above Times Square? You want to show me some magic, Blaine? Then make your name appear in the obituaries. That would impress me."

"As for Brady, I can't say I can relate, because I've never had a career-ending injury. Come to think of it, I've never had a career-ending anything. Was it just me, or did it seem like ESPN's Trent Dilfer was reporting that Brady was done for the season before Brady even was injured? It just seemed like he got his information pretty quickly. Either he's one heck of a journalist, or he's the luckiest man on earth. I think the Super Bowl ring on his finger points to the latter."

For the Patriots, the pressure falls on backup quarterback Matt Cassell, who has the unenviable task of attempting to fill the shoes of the record-setting, multiple Super Bowl-winning Brady. Cassell, a seventh-round pick who didn't start a single game in college at USC, knows now is the time to make a name for himself.

"First, let me introduce myself," says Cassell. "My name is, my name is, my name is, not Tom Brady. Nor is it Slim Shady. I'm just Matt Cassell, no relation to Sam. I've got no Super Bowl rings, and the only experience I have with supermodels takes place window-shopping at Victoria's Secret. Honestly, I'm just here to keep Tom's seat warm for his triumphant return next year. He'll recover just fine, thanks to the care of the world's hottest candy-striper, Giselle Bundchen."

Before the game, the Jets direct everyone's attention to the Meadowlands giant video screen, on which Jets head coach Eric Mangini offers his video condolences to Tom Brady. An enraged Bill Belichick confronts Mangini, who states, with a slight grin, that he "didn't even know I was being videotaped."

"Touché," replies Belichick, who then implements the game plan that proves that the Pats are still the class of the AFC East.

New England wins, 27-16.

Pittsburgh @ Cleveland (+6)

If the Browns are to avoid an 0-2 start and a quick two-game deficit in the AFC North, then beating the Steelers in the Dawg Pound is imperative. Last year, Pittsburgh beat the Browns 34-7 in Cleveland, a loss that still stings, and the Browns hope to exact their revenge in front of an NBC Sunday Night Football national audience.

"I wasn't pleased with our effort against Dallas," says an understated Romeo Crenel, who lambasted his team after last Sunday's 28-10 loss to Dallas, a tirade that led players to jokingly call him the 'Cleveland Steamer.' "We know the Steelers will come with their physical game. We'll have to match that physicality. Hopefully, the brutality will take place after kickoff, and not before, in the pre-game brawl."

In the city of the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, shifty Steeler running back Willie Parker makes a case for the rock genre of speed metal, as he rushes for 134 yards and a score. Midway through the third quarter, Browns quarterback Derek Anderson is knocked out of the game on a hit by LaMarr Woodley. In for Anderson, a rusty Brady Quinn throws an interception on his first pass, is leveled with a block and doesn't see wild Samoan Troy Polamalu return it for a touchdown.

"Touchdown? Jesus!" exclaims Quinn when he checks the scoreboard.

Pittsburgh wins, 34-24.

To add insult to injury, Cleveland native Lebron James is seen at the game in a Steelers cap, with a North Korean flag draped over his shoulders.

Philadelphia @ Dallas (-7)

You've got to hand it to Terrell Owens. His "Usain Bolt limbering up, getting in the starting blocks" touchdown celebration was the pinnacle of creativity. Where's the harm in that celebration? I ask you, NFL officials. No taunting; just good, clean fun. But T.O. got tagged for a 15-yard unsportsmanlike conduct penalty? Come on, officials. Show some leniency.

"Seriously," says Owens. "Maybe I deserved a 'false start' penalty, but not unsportsmanlike conduct. It's not like I changed my name or something. If I would have changed my last name, you can best believe it would have been something cool, like 'Hall of Famer.' I think it would be a better idea for Tony Romo to change his last name to 'Needs to Tell Jessica Simpson to Shut Up.'"

You know McNabb wants nothing more than to moonwalk in the Texas Stadium end zone, or puke on Pacman Jones, calling it the "Adam and Heave," and send the 'Boys to defeat. Easier said than done, but the Eagles have the weapons. Unfortunately, the Cowboys have more, including Owens.

Owens catches 7 passes for 119 yards and a score, and the Cowboys win, 27-24.

Posted by Jeffrey Boswell at 11:57 AM | Comments (3)

Thoughts From Row 1, Seat 2

There's no other season like college football, and this year is proving to be no different. As the first two weeks have gotten the football season into high gear, here are the thoughts running deep in my head as we head into Saturday's action.

USF is carrying the weight of an entire conference. How bad has the Big East been so far this year? West Virginia was quickly thrown out of the top 10, Rutgers is missing Ray Rice in a big way, UConn struggled to put away Temple — yes, Temple in overtime — and Syracuse has just been a disaster. The hopes of this BCS conference ride on USF, who squeaked by UCF in a great showdown in Orlando. The Bulls welcome Kansas in this weekend, and while a victory over the Jayhawks is possible, a defeat to KU could really signal a punishing blow that says the Big East should, at least this year, forfeit their BCS slot and give it to...

...East Carolina, the hottest team going. The Pirates might crash the BCS party anyway, but their wins over Virginia Tech and West Virginia have sent a clear message to the football world. Skip Holtz is the early frontrunner for National Coach of the Year, and an undefeated regular season is definitely a possibility for the folks in Greenville. Granted, fads come and go, but if the Big East would like to become a stronger conference, they should give up this 16-team basketball monstrosity, get some non-football programs out, and bring ECU into their league. With a large student base (25,990) in a populated state, ECU would be a solid fit in the Big East.

Meanwhile, the celebration penalties still need work ... lots of work. To call Jake Locker's toss in the air as "unsportsmanlike" is very lame, be it NCAA rule or not. Toss the ball in the stands? Throw the flag. Sign the ball or do anything that T.O. or Chad Johnson has done before? Throw the flag. But toss it in the air after leading a team through an incredible, last-minute drive? Please. The Pac-10 should be ashamed of themselves for that one.

Before the season began, I had my turnaround team of the year as Iowa State, given the returning starters, having a solid coach in Gene Chizik, and dropping Oklahoma and Texas from their schedule. So far, the Cyclones are a solid 2-0 with two relatively easy wins. So far, so good. This Saturday is a showdown with Iowa, and if ISU beats the Hawkeyes, they should be 4-0 when Kansas rolls into Ames. The Cyclones won just three games last year.

Charlie Weis came out this week and said that saying "to hell with Michigan" is actually a compliment to the Wolverines, since Bo Schembechler said "to hell With Notre Dame" during his tenure in Ann Arbor. Hmmm ... does anyone actually buy this? If you do, I have swampland in Kansas that is up for sale.

I haven't thought of USC/Ohio State until now ... amazing, isn't it? I guess I'm just not wrapped up yet with this game. USC trounced a Virginia team that struggled to put away Richmond, while Ohio State, playing without Beanie Wells, struggled with Ohio. Wells comes back for this game, but if he's not 100%, then USC has to win convincingly or else we'll hear for months the cry of "what if" from Buckeye fans. I just hope, whoever wins, the arguing afterwards stays to a minimum.

If you want an upset special, I've got two in mind. I like UCLA over BYU, even in the hostile environment of Provo. Nothing special; I just think BYU dodged one bullet too many already with the Washington game. I'd also keep an eye on Fresno State, a team who lives for shocking the big boys, taking on Wisconsin. That could be the darkhorse for the best game this weekend.

Finally, before Texas A&M bails the ship, and people start leaping on the Arkansas State bandwagon, let me remind you of a piece of the past.

USL (now UL-Lafayette) beat Texas A&M in 1996. The Cajun program hasn't skyrocketed this year, nor as the Aggie program sunk to cellar-dweller status. One upset is big, but it certainly doesn't mean the complete rise or fall of a program.

Enjoy your Saturday, everyone!

Posted by Jean Neuberger at 11:40 AM | Comments (0)

September 11, 2008

Repeal the Anti-Athlete Rules

I haven't laid down some picks in a long time (and I was 1-5 last week with my bets, so buyer beware), but before I get to them, I wanted to touch on the Jake Locker situation.

Don't expect a break from the chorus here. It was a terrible call, but the refs are there to enforce the rules, and I will not, like so many others will, criticize a ref for making a rulebook call. There are no penalties that are specific to certain time frames within a game, so you'll never hear me complain, as so many others do, that refs are not being selective enough with their penalties.

But I will rail against the rule itself. This cracking down on celebrations bit is a real stinker.

This seems like yet another rule that underlines our vague contempt for athletes. Let's say I am the CEO of a large bank, and I got into an acquisition war with a competitor over who would acquire a third, struggling firm.

So we win out and get the company. And at the press conference where we announce the acquisition, I yell, dance, jump up and down, and just wildly celebrate the announcement ... but in so doing, I do not taunt our defeated competitor, and in fact make no mention of them.

Would I be fined by the SEC? Would the business world close ranks against me? Indeed, would there be any negative repercussions? More likely, I would instead become a white-collar folk hero. Editorials would be written about my "fire" and how I'm a shot in the arm to the industry. But the athlete, whom we ask to have a burning passion and pride for the game and never, how dare he ever show it. Why?

I understand not taunting. I understand sportsmanship. I understand the concept of not rubbing your opponents noses in it.

But I promise you that not a single BYU player felt any worse about giving up the ostensible tying touchdown than he would have if Locker has simply handed the ball back to the referee (I make this point because I anticipate being told that big celebrations are taunting in and of itself, which is hogwash).

Bad example for the kids in the crowd? Why? What's wrong with jumping up and down? What's wrong with screaming in celebration (outside of a funeral or library)? Nothing, that's what. There is no special virtue in being stoic in the face of good fortune, only adversity.

Don't say it's about humility, either, unless you are prepared to go many steps further and say that fans also should not celebrate similarly. So many of us live and die with our teams, devote so much of our free time to them, and guys like Locker therefore become a disproportionally big part of our lives (if you are a hardcore Husky fan, that is). You celebrate wilder than that, and you probably taunt exponentially more, both in volume and intensity, than we allow our athletes, particularly if we are protected by the anonymity cloak of the Internet. So no humility/good sportsmanship arguments for me, not for thee arguments please.

Onto the picks...

Two college football lines look so ridiculously, unbelievably good that I think it's a trap. Cal looked impressive opening Week 1 beating Michigan State, and then destroyed Washington State, 66-3. Maryland struggled to beat a Division 1-AA team at home and then lost to Middle Tennessee State by double digits on the road.

So doesn't it seem likely that Cal just might beat Maryland by more than 14 points, which is where the line is, and just four more than the actual margin of defeat MTSU laid on the Terps?

Yes, Cal is on the road, and going across the country. Pac-10 teams seem to be able to do that pretty easily, though (USC winning big at Virginia, Oregon winning big at Mississippi State a few years ago, just right off the top of my head).

Speaking of Washington State, they were on the wrong end of that 66-3 score. That was fresh off a blowout loss to Oklahoma State, both at home. They travel to Baylor, who also lost at home to Wake Forest, but at least blew out the 1-AA opponent they played the next week.

So in this corner, on the road, a team with two home blowout losses against good teams. In this corner, at home, is a team also with two home games under their belt: a blowout loss to a good team, and a blowout win over a cupcake. Who should be favored? Las Vegas thinks the road team who has shown nothing so far, for some reason. The Cougars are favored by one. Take Baylor.

Two teams that have looked particularly good in the opening two weeks are playing teams who have looked particularly bad in the opening two weeks, and aren't laying enough points. Take Texas at -23 over Arkansas and Penn State -26 at Syracuse.

Finally, an NFL line.

I'm really surprised to see a big road favorite anywhere this early in the year, especially when it doesn't involve the Patriots and an uninjured Tom Brady. But the Giants are nine-point faves at St. Louis.

Yes, the Rams looked terrible in Week 1. But we know they aren't going to lose every game 38-3. They have weapons, were probably pretty embarrassed by the loss, and should bounce back, and have a chance to do it in their friendly home confines.

The Giants didn't look that great against Redskins, and as bad as the 'Skins were, the Giants never put the game away. I am absolutely loving the Rams as nine-point underdogs, even as a moneyline pick.

Posted by Kevin Beane at 11:29 AM | Comments (0)

NASCAR Top 10 Power Rankings: Week 26

Note: the quotes in this article are fictional.

1. Kyle Busch — In an incident quite similar to their Richmond spin in May, Busch and Dale Earnhardt, Jr. got together on Sunday on lap 212. This time, Busch was on the short end, and spun into the wall, damaging the red and blue M&Ms on the No. 18 Toyota. Busch battled back from a lap down and eventually finished 15th. He will begin the Chase with 5,080 points, 30 more than Carl Edwards.

"I guess that's what you call 'car-ma,'" says Busch. "I don't think Little E meant to wreck me anyway. Unlike Carl Edwards, Dale's got a conscious, and fans. Of course, I had no intentions of retaliating against Junior. Those Earnhardt fans are deadly from long range with Amp cans, not to mention M80s. Edwards fans? They can't throw an oil lid straight to save their lives. You see, in or out of the car, the oil lid is affected by aerodynamics."

2. Jimmie Johnson — Johnson held off Tony Stewart down the stretch in a battle of two-time Cup champions to win in Richmond for his second-straight win. Johnson led 32 laps in capturing his fourth win of the year, and will start the Chase 40 points behind Kyle Busch.

"40 points?" says Johnson. "That's known to Chad Knaus as a minor rules infraction. To me, I call it 'striking distance.' You know, it was only fitting that in Richmond I battled with Tony Stewart for the win. That's two (2) two-time Cup champions going at it, as opposed to what took place in Bristol, when two (2) no-time Cup champions, Busch and Edwards, battled like two bullies on the playground. Tony and I have too much respect for each other to end a race with that kind of bumping and crashing. I would never intentionally wreck Tony. First of all, Tony's quite unstable, and may retaliate. Second, I want to stay in Tony's good graces and not risk losing an invitation to one of his post-race degenerate parties."

3. Carl Edwards — A right rear flat tire forced Edwards to pit under green on lap 74, sending him a lap down early in the Chevy Rock & Roll 400. He battled to regain the lost lap, but was victimized on lap 314 when he was collected in a spin involving Bobby Labonte and Bill Elliott. Edwards' final 80 laps were uneventful, and he was able to advance and finish 13th. He begins the 10-race Chase 30 points behind Kyle Busch.

"It definitely was a race full of adversity," says Edwards. "But I've battled much larger evils than 'adversity' this year, namely Kyle Busch. I'd have liked to have ended the regular season with a better result, but I'm still confident heading into the Chase. In fact, I'm very confident. I'd even say I'm the favorite. Just like flat tires, egos can be inflated, as well."

4. Tony Stewart — With 40 laps to go, Stewart led Johnson into the pits as the two pitted for the final time. With a quicker stop, Johnson came out ahead of Stewart, and held off the No. 20 Home Depot car as the two staged a neck-and-neck battle to the end. Stewart, with a 40-race winless streak weighing on him, was visibly frustrated at race's end.

"That's the fourth time this year I've finished second," says Stewart. "Normally, I'm pretty happy with seconds, especially when they come at the dinner table. But when you're so close to victory, it's frustrating. Sure, I may have blasted my crew for not being faster, but I demand quick service, whether it's in the pits, at a restaurant, or at a massage parlor."

5. Dale Earnhardt, Jr. — As the two jockeyed for position on lap 212, Earnhardt spun Kyle Busch in what must have been a case of unintentional retribution for Busch's unintentional spin of Earnhardt at Richmond in May. Earnhardt led 90 of the first 235 laps in Richmond, but as has become commonplace, he faded from win contention late in the race. As the handling on his car became worse, Earnhardt voiced his displeasure with some salty language over the team radio.

"Come on," says Earnhardt. "Is what I said any worse than the words used in the Tony Stewart story in Rolling Stone? Look, I was raised in the country by my father and a catalog of four-letter words. I don't abuse them, and they've come in quite handy in dealings with Teresa Earnhardt."

6. Kevin Harvick — Harvick ran strong early, leading 80 of the first 185 laps, but the handling on the No. 29 Shell/Pennzoil Chevy faltered later in the race. Still, Harvick finished seventh, his sixth consecutive top-10 result, and enters the Chase as a driver without a win who could make a run for the Cup.

"I'm just happy Richard Childress got three cars in the Chase," says Harvick. "There's four teams with three drivers each in the field, and three Michael Waltrip Racing cars not in the field. So we know for a fact that the Chase format works, and allows only the best driver to compete for the Cup."

7. Denny Hamlin — With his third consecutive third-place finish, Hamlin and the No. 11 FedEx team seem to have found the cure to a series of inconsistent results leading up to Hamlin's three-race surge. With a win at Martinsville earlier this year under his belt, Hamlin will start the Chase 70 points behind Kyle Busch.

"I think I've finally learned that you can't badmouth your crew and still have them perform their best for you," says Hamlin. "Unless you're Dale Earnhardt or Tony Stewart. Then you can call out anybody on the team and get away with it. And the May race in Richmond taught me that you can't park on the track and not get penalized. I think rule 2.(c), section 4 (aa) states: 'No parking, baby, no parking on the dance floor.' Or something to that effect."

8. Jeff Gordon — Gordon finished eighth in Richmond for his 12th top-10 result of the year. Again, Gordon piloted a capable car, but the No. 24 Dupont Chevy was never really a threat to win. Winless so far this year, four-time Cup champion Gordon will start the Chase at the bottom, eighty points behind Kyle Busch's 5,080 start total.

"So I'm down there with the common folk, huh?" says Gordon. "Maybe we'll have a wine tasting to get acquainted."

9. Greg Biffle — Biffle clinched a spot in the Chase by simply starting the Chevy Rock & Roll 400 in Richmond, and bravely continued to race when he could just have easily parked the No. 16 Roush Fenway Ford and enjoyed an afternoon of NFL football in the comfort of his hauler.

"Trust me," says Biffle. "That's what I wanted to do. But you know NASCAR. It's all about keeping up appearances, isn't it? If I do that, I guarantee NASCAR would have a hissy fit. But God forbid somebody expose themselves to a NASCAR official, or curse up a storm on the radio, or publicize their degenerate lifestyle in Rolling Stone. Then NASCAR acts like it didn't even happen. Oh the humanity!"

10. Matt Kenseth — Kenseth tangled with Roush Fenway teammate David Ragan on lap 122, essentially ending Ragan's slim hopes of making the Chase, and foiling Jack Roush's sinister plan to overload the Chase with four Roush Fenway vehicles, with three earmarked for the duty of running interference for Roush golden boy Carl Edwards.

"Hey, at least I know I have a purpose in the Chase," says Kenseth. "But don't count me out of this just yet. There's only four drivers in the Chase who already have a Cup title. I'm one of them. I may not strike fear into the hearts of the other 11 competitors, or anyone for that matter, but I can win this."

Posted by Jeffrey Boswell at 11:26 AM | Comments (0)

September 10, 2008

NFL Week 1 Power Rankings

Five Quick Hits

* Can we just go ahead and name Drew Brees, Donovan McNabb, and Tony Romo as the NFC's Pro Bowl quarterbacks? I don't think it's too soon.

* Is the NFC East the best division in football? Probably, but don't forget that Washington plays in this division, too. I think it's close between the NFC East and the AFC South.

* The concern with Aaron Rodgers is not whether he can play; he clearly can. The question is whether or not he can stay healthy.

* One reason the NFL is so hard to predict is the impact of injuries. Suddenly, the Patriots, Chargers, Colts, and Jaguars look kind of ordinary, and the healthy Steelers are the team to beat in the AFC.

* Mike, Mike, and Mike: best announcing team in Week 1. It's a shame we won't hear them all season.

***

Let's jump right into the first power rankings of the 2008 regular season. Rankings are for right now, Week 1 strength, and do not necessarily reflect the way I expect a team to perform over the entire season. The Colts, for instance, will probably get better later in the year, when they're healthy, but right now they're a borderline top-10 team.

1. Dallas Cowboys — They were my preseason Super Bowl pick in the NFC, and they absolutely dominated the Browns. Dallas had more than twice as many yards as Cleveland, and almost three times as many first downs. The Browns have a pretty good offense, and they only managed 11 first downs against Dallas. This team is a little scary.

2. Philadelphia Eagles — No one was more dominant in Week 1. Donovan McNabb was in MVP form, Brian Westbrook averaged 4.8 yards per carry, and the defense was great. Two things worry me here: one is McNabb's health, which is always a question. The other is the offensive play-calling. Andy Reid will always pass unless he has to run, and although it worked against the sorry Rams, that's no way to hold a lead in a close game. And playing in the NFC East, I think the Eagles are probably in for some close games. If you are any kind of football fan, do not miss Philadelphia at Dallas this Monday night.

3. Pittsburgh Steelers — I didn't think the Steelers were going to be very good this year; 9-7 and winning the AFC North, sure, but not a great team. Then they come out in Week 1 and destroy my AFC sleeper, Houston. Ben Roethlisberger completed 13-of-14 passes. Willie Parker had the game of his life. The defense was awesome: 5 sacks, three turnovers, 4.2 yards per pass allowed. I do wonder about their pass protection. Big Ben got sacked 47 times last year, second-most of any quarterback, and the Texans got to him twice this week on only 17 dropbacks. That could be a real problem when the Steelers face good teams.

4. Green Bay Packers — Everyone is talking about the terrific debut for Rodgers, and that makes sense, but Green Bay looked good in all phases of the game. The running game looked good with Ryan Grant (92 yards, 7.7 average), and the defense looked pretty strong, especially Aaron Kampman. The Packers had a field goal blocked, but they were awesome on kickoffs and Will Blackmon had a nice punt return TD.

5. New York Giants — Looked awesome in the first half on Thursday night — very serious contenders to repeat as Super Bowl champions. Then Washington started double-teaming Plaxico Burress, and the offense seemed to stop. Even without Michael Strahan and Osi Umenyiora, the pass rush seemed strong, but run defense looks like a potential weakness.

6. Denver Broncos — Are they really the sixth-best team in the NFL? Probably not, but it's hard to rank them any lower after what they did to Oakland. The 6th-15th spots here are pretty tight, so there could be a lot of movement in this part of the Power Rankings. Jay Cutler in particular had a great game on Monday night, and Denver's passing game could be very hard to stop with Brandon Marshall and Eddie Royal at wide receiver.

7. Tennessee Titans — This ranking comes with the same disclaimer as Denver's, and assumes that whatever is happening with Vince Young won't be a distraction. The dropoff from Young to Kerry Collins is probably non-existent, and the team is very excited about Chris Johnson at running back. The real story, though, is the defense, which absolutely dominated the Jaguars.

8. New England Patriots — Matt Cassel looked fine on Sunday, but is this still a top-10 team without Tom Brady? I think it probably is, for now. The offensive line is still there, and so are those great wide receivers. The defense is still pretty good, and the coaches still know what they're doing. The rest of the team needs to step up, but that can certainly happen.

9. San Diego Chargers — If you want to tie together the disappointing losses for three teams a lot of people thought might be Super Bowl contenders, look at injuries on the offensive line. The Colts and Jaguars had huge problems with their interior lines, and the Chargers were missing two Pro Bowl linemen on Sunday.

10. Indianapolis Colts — Everyone knows that all-pro center Jeff Saturday is injured. But so is their excellent left guard, Ryan Lilja, and their first pick in this year's draft, guard Mike Pollak. Trot out three backups in the middle of your offensive line, and you're going to have a long day trying to run the ball or protect your quarterback. Peyton Manning wasn't as efficient as usual on Sunday night, but the rumors of his demise have been greatly exaggerated. I'm far more concerned about their run defense.

11. Buffalo Bills — Beat the Seahawks 34-10, mostly with great special teams and by making life very unpleasant for Matt Hasselbeck. If I'm playing Buffalo, I want to test that run defense.

12. Chicago Bears — Matt Forte looked great, but let's hold off on the Walter Payton comparisons for another couple of weeks. I remember we were all saying the same things a few years ago when Anthony Thomas was a rookie. The Bears' defense looked awesome, and that makes them a team to be reckoned with, but their pass blocking was awful on Sunday night. Kyle Orton did fine, but if his protection doesn't improve, he's going to struggle.

13. Jacksonville Jaguars — The whole middle of the offensive line is out, and it showed on Sunday, as their offense was totally ineffective. Fred Taylor and Maurice Jones-Drew combined for 31 yards and a 2.2 rushing average, while David Garrard suffered seven sacks, lost a fumble, and threw two interceptions. The Jags have a home game against Buffalo in Week 2, which could tell us a lot about both teams.

14. Minnesota Vikings — Adrian Peterson and Chester Taylor looked great. Jared Allen was great in the first quarter, but disappeared after that. I don't know if he got tired, or Chad Clifton settled down, or what, but Allen had very little impact in the second half. Tarvaris Jackson looked great on his feet and not so great with his arm. I think this is a pretty good team, and it should contend for a playoff spot, but the problems are the same as last year: passing offense and passing defense.

15. Arizona Cardinals — There is a fine young defense here, and against San Francisco, it looked fine, but young. Four sacks, four fumble recoveries (one on special teams), and an interception? That's good. Frank Gore making you look like the JV? That's bad. And they need to start scoring TDs instead of field goals. How do you finish a game +5 in turnovers and only win by 10?

16. New Orleans Saints — Drew Brees and Reggie Bush were fantastic against a pass defense that ranked first in the NFL last season. But Brees committed two turnovers, and the offense seemed to rely on big plays, which aren't always there. The defense wasn't really tested against Tampa Bay, and I think there are still a lot of questions on that side of the ball.

17. Carolina Panthers — Should they be ranked higher than this after beating the Chargers in San Diego? Probably. If they beat Chicago in Week 2, I'll get them into the top 10. They need to pick up the pass defense, though, because Philip Rivers looked like Dan Fouts on Sunday.

18. Tampa Bay Buccaneers — Jeff Garcia was ineffective and his health is a question, but the real issue here is the defense. For the last decade, Tampa has won games with its defense, and on Sunday, the defense got burned, giving up six plays of more than 20 yards. There are some good young players on this defense, but I wonder if they're counting too much on older guys who are starting to slow down.

19. New York Jets — Brett Favre had a good game, but let's not get too excited about a six-point victory over a team that went 1-15 last season. The Jets had a very active offseason (and I'm not just talking Favre here), so they figure to be much better than the 4-12 we saw last year, and playoffs are a real possibility. But let's beat a real team — New England in Week 2, for example — before we start buying tickets for January.

20. Cleveland Browns — If this team is serious about contending for a playoff spot — which I don't think it will do — it needs to get a lot more production from Braylon Edwards. This may sound premature, but if the Browns don't beat Pittsburgh at home next week, I think they can forget about winning the AFC North.

21. Seattle Seahawks — All their wide receivers are out, and the offensive line, once the strength of the team, is — how should I put this? — not good. The defense can still play, but the offense is going to struggle. Look for them to bounce back at least a little against San Francisco in Week 2.

22. Houston Texans — The scoreboard says 38-17, and that's bad enough. But let's not kid ourselves here: it was 35-3 entering the fourth quarter. Houston got absolutely destroyed. Mario Williams picked up where he left off last year, with two sacks, but the offense was bad, and the run defense was terrible. I thought Houston might contend in the AFC South, but right now it looks like the Texans might not contend with anybody.

23. Kansas City Chiefs — Remember when they had the best offensive line in the NFL? Against New England, the Chiefs gave up four sacks and Larry Johnson averaged under 3.4 yards per carry. They're ranked here because the defense did okay.

24. Baltimore Ravens — I don't want to be negative after Joe Flacco's opening day win at quarterback, but this victory was all about the defense. They held Cincinnati to eight first downs (tied with St. Louis for worst in the league) and Carson Palmer had the worst passer rating of his NFL career. If this defense is in top form, the Ravens will be a test for everyone they play this season.

25. Washington Redskins — Jim Zorn is in way, way over his head. He is totally unqualified and unprepared to be a head coach at this level, and that showed on Thursday night. Jason Campbell looks the same as he always has (that's a bad thing). It appears that this team has all the same problems it did last year, plus a few new ones.

26. Atlanta Falcons — Rookie QB Matt Ryan had a good game, but the real star was Michael Turner, who ran for 220 yards against Detroit. Years from now, are we going to look back on the days when Turner was LaDainian Tomlinson's backup in San Diego, and compare it to the days of Steve Young backing up Joe Montana in San Francisco? Or are we going to look back on the 2008 Lions and say, "Man, they sucked?"

27. Miami Dolphins — Played with heart against the Jets, and that's something. Chad Pennington is a clear upgrade at quarterback, and they were only a couple of plays away from winning that game. But this team did not make any obvious improvements in the offseason, and I'm not confident that they can keep it up.

28. San Francisco 49ers — The defense did a nice job of keeping Arizona out of the end zone, but the offense is Frank Gore and a prayer. You cannot win without any wide receivers.

29. Cincinnati Bengals — Palmer was terrible (99 yards and an interception), and Chris Perry may have been even worse (37 yards, 2.1 average, lost fumble). When you have a terrible defense and rely on your offense, that offense needs to produce.

30. Detroit Lions — Look at it this way: Jon Kitna got sacked three times against Atlanta. But that means he's only on pace for 48 sacks this season, instead of the league-high 51 from last year.

31. St. Louis Rams — Steven Jackson is healthy, and they were supposed to be better this year. Well, on Sunday, Jackson averaged under three yards per carry, Torry Holt had 1 catch for 9 yards, and the defense might as well have been non-existent.

32. Oakland Raiders — They were never in it against the Broncos. It looked like a college team playing against a real NFL squad. The running backs, Darren McFadden and Justin Fargas, looked good, and Nnamdi Asomugha made some plays on defense, but that's about it. They got absolutely destroyed on the offensive and defensive lines.

Posted by Brad Oremland at 11:51 AM | Comments (4)

Smile, Mirka, Roger Won the U.S. Open!

There were many things about the 2008 U.S. Open that were worthy stories. The emergence of Sam Querrey as a beacon of hope for U.S. men's tennis. The return to dominance of Serena Williams. The 40th anniversary of the U.S. Open and Open tennis itelf. Roger Federer's fifth consecutive U.S. Open win, putting him with all-time greats William T. Tilden, William Larned, and Richard Sears. The Bryan brothers capturing yet another major doubles title. The fact that you can buy a hamburger at the East Gate Grill two dollars cheaper than at any other hamburger stand on the grounds of the Billie Jean National Tennis Center.

There were many not so happy stories, like the fall of Serbian sensation and number one women's seed Ana Ivanovic early in the tournament, the surprising defeat of Rafael Nadal to Andy Murray, James Blake's loss to Mardy Fish after making it to the final four in the Olympics, and the cancellation of the annual U.S. Open "Mike and the Mad Dog" broadcast after Chris Russo left the show just the week before.

Not as newsworthy, but notable was Sports Central's first ever "Twittercast". Yes, on the first day of the tournament, I used Twitter.com to send updates, notes, interesting bits, and practice court appearances to our Sports Central fans. To my knowledge, the first-ever use of Twitter at a major sporting event by any media outlet in the world. Another first for Sports Central.

Of all those, nothing is more significant then Roger Federer. Yes, Serena Williams is now number one on the Sony Ericsson WTA Tour, and she has shown she is back among the elite women's players. But Federer's accomplishment was not only historic, but subtly significant.

Not since "Big Bill" Tilden in 1924 has any male player won five consecutive U.S. Open titles. Actually, no man in the modern era has ever captured five consecutive titles here in New York City. Tilden and Larned each won six in a row, and Richard Sears, the Great, Great, Great granddaddy of U.S. tennis, won seven in a row dating to the beginning of the tournament in 1881. This is no small achievement. The U.S. Open has always been known as the most physical tournament, and in the 1970s, the players had to contend with three different surfaces adding to the difficulty. Being at the end of the tennis calendar and the summer playing season has always added heat and humidity as a factor. The stage of New York only adds pressure. It's no wonder that it has been 80 years since tennis has seen this achievement. Truly historic.

More subtle, yet much more significant, was the resurrection of Roger Federer. People often forget, myself and my fellow journalists included, that R-Fed is still only 27-years-old. His lack of a 2008 major tournament title coming into the Open, his defeat at the hands of Gilles Simon at the ATP Masters Series Canada, and his totally unexpected loss to James Blake at the Beijing Olympics had begun the talk that maybe the king was dead. I even think that Roger himself had some doubt in his mind as he stepped onto the court at Arthur Ashe Stadium for the first time this year.

His march through the draw from the number two seed position was exceptional. He dispatched five of his seven opponents in straight sets, being only tested a full five sets by Igor Andreev, the most unlikely of players he faced to take him that deep into a match. The blue floor that is the U.S. Open surface is not his favorite, nor his best. Had this been the lawns of the All England Lawn Tennis Clubm the scores would not have been as surprising. Federer dispatched clay courters, hard court specialists, and top-ranked players like a knife moves through cream cheese. Roger's semifinal against Novak Djokovic wasn't even as close as the scores seem to indicate. And never did Roger have a look of worry or despair.

Roger Federer now sits just one major title victory away from Pete Sampras as the all-time men's major singles title record holder (Pete has 14) and looks to be on track to be the first male player to approach 20 major singles titles in his career. I used to laugh when my fellow writers said that Federer was the greatest ever, especially when Sampras was still active and winning and Roger had only a handful of major titles. Now I believe we all can say it with confidence. We are witnessing tennis history, tennis greatness.

Nadal's loss to Murray gave the British and Scots something to cheer for for the first time since Fred Perry and Bunny Austin in the 1930s (John Lloyd's appearance in the 1977 Australian Open final notwithstanding). It also signaled the end to an amazing year for the young Spaniard Nadal. In this writer's opinion, it also signaled the return of the pecking order to men's tennis. Nadal is an amazing player. He has improved every year, and this year his serve has finally become more than just a way to put the ball in play. But his style of play, even taking his Wimbledon victory into consideration, won't and doesn't sustain his place at the top of the game.

Roger retooled himself. It was clear that Federer was ready. Nadal, at the start, seemed timid. Rafa struggled against Qualifier Bjorn Phau in the first round, had to fight American upstart Sam Querrey in the fourth round, had a poor start against complacent Mardy Fish in the quarters, and was thoroughly handled by Andy Murray in the semis. Nadal's style of play just didn't hold up. You can place some blame on the fact that he competed and won in Beijing, and if you wanted, you could point to that as the cause of his performance against Phau on day one.

Rafa is physical, quick, and can hit amazing spins and angles, but this style of play takes a toll on his body. His body tends to give in at the end of many of the big tournaments because of that style. Murray's serve and power game made Nadal often look unprepared and awkward, and to my eye, Nadal just looked slow and at times worn.

Federer's girlfriend and former WTA player Mirka Vavrinec can rest easy in Dubai now. Roger has another trophy and a very large check. She can put the smile back on her face and new furniture in their shared homes. Roger can once again walk with a swagger, the dashing champion of men's tennis, and the king of the court.

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CONTEST! To celebrate 10 years online, we are giving away $150 in prizes. Use the secret word below in the contest entry form for a chance to win! Full details on our SC 10th Anniversary Contest page.

Today's secret word: Federer

Posted by Tom Kosinski at 11:16 AM | Comments (3)

September 9, 2008

Are the Times a Changin'?

The first full, juicy Sunday of the NFL season began for me like several other Sundays throughout the year, as I was awake at 6:30 in the morning to watch Formula One.

The 2008 Belgian Grand Prix was a very good race, until lap 40 of 44, probably ranking in the top three as far as the top races of the season go. Then it became a beautiful, thrilling, anarchic mess as the common conclusion on who would win the race and occupy the all-important points paying positions changed an infinite number of times within a two-minute span, as rained pounded the Ardenne forest circuit, making the cars zamboni machines on their dry tires.

Two hours after the checkered flag, the driver thought to have won actually came in third after a penalty, making the World Driver's Championship an essential dead-heat with five races to go.

The morning's events would be a precursor of sorts for the afternoon and night's proceedings in the NFL, as conventional thought was turned on its head and a season whose clarity was limited before it even began somehow became more confusing.

In Week 1 last season, the dual hegemony of the Patriots and Colts won games by a combined score of 79-24, which was nearly the score of New England's one game against Washington last year.

After this Week 1, the AFC East that was to have been a cakewalk of late-'90s Florida State ACC proportions suddenly now looks like a three-way horse race, with Miami, if things fall into place, also having a chance.

To a lesser extent, the same could be said about the NFC West, as Seattle got thoroughly dominated by a Buffalo team that could be the poor man's AFC version of the 2005 and 2006 Bears. As in awesome return man plus excellent defense plus timely takeaways equals wins. With the Seahawks, an offense that had its passing game as its major strength now has a quarterback with a bad back, its fastest receiver out for the season, and the other two reliable receivers out indefinitely.

As for the Colts, Peyton Manning looked to have adopted his brother's old passing habits of back-foot throwing for a night, as his bursa sac-free knee looked anything but 100%. Of course, the fact that the elder Manning saw more pressure against the Bears than he ever has against a team not named Patriots or Steelers didn't help.

In fact, a strong case could be made that each of the two rookies starting their first NFL games in Matt Ryan and Joe Flacco were more impressive than Manning.

Four teams that were definitively in the league's upper half a year ago did take care of business without trouble in Dallas, Green Bay, Pittsburgh, and the Giants.

It's important not to think that some shift in power between the conferences has taken place considering the former statement and Carolina's upset of the Chargers. After all, the only quarterback that completed a better percentage of his passes in his first start than Aaron Rodgers was Rob Johnson.

For 2008, the bottom still likely remains safe from newcomers, with the Rams, Raiders, and Lions all fairly hopeless. But the very top of the league looks as wide-open as it has in years.

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Today's secret word: Week 1

Posted by Ross Lancaster at 11:51 AM | Comments (0)

September 8, 2008

Enough is Enough: Football's Unnecessary Risk

How many more men have to suffer serious neck injuries in football before something more is done about it? A preseason game last month featuring the up-and-coming Houston Texans against everyone's favorite or least favorite team, the Dallas Cowboys, exposed the risk these players are put in once again. This time Texans wide receiver and special teams standout Harry Williams suffered the mishap during a kickoff in the first quarter of the game.

Williams was falling down as he trailed the returner, when his own teammate, who lunged and missed the tackle, accidently slammed into him from the opposite direction. He immediately slumped to the ground, unable to move any of his limbs. While not a lock to make the team, Williams had nonetheless drawn praise form the Texans coaching staff in the recent weeks for his effort and accomplishments on special teams. This perhaps makes the situation all the more distressing. In only his third NFL season of bouncing around the league, Williams was laying it all on the line every week in an effort to make the cut, holding back nothing while sacrificing everything.

I hope you're not too surprised; Williams is just one of a host of players who have suffered serious neck injuries over the years. This NFL preseason alone we've seen two others, Denver Broncos linebacker Louis Green and Tampa Bay linebacker Antoine Cash, carted off the field with similar injuries. Both of those players were fortunate enough to rejoin their teams. Williams, on the other hand, has already been placed on the IR.

Look, I know football is a contact sport, and injuries are going to happen regardless. However, having watched this unfold right before me that Friday night, I can tell you it makes you feel a level of compassion for these players far beyond the sport itself. I honestly felt somewhat guilty for even being a part of this game we call "entertainment." As the crowd stirred in their shock and silence and the camera pointed to other concerned players kneeling several yards away, some with their heads down in prayer, others staring intently forward with looks of fear and apprehension across their face, you realize how real the danger is every play of every game.

In such a violent sport, extra precautions should be taken to ensure safety. While certain ones do already exist, I can't help but feel like more could be done. Last year, we all saw how the storyline played out with Bills tight end Kevin Everett, who sustained a life-threatening spinal cord injury on a kickoff. And while some may disagree, it seems that the kickoff itself (whether kicking or receiving) creates the most opportunity for serious injuries.

With players gaining full speed, sprinting 30 to 50 yards downfield before slamming into their opponents, it's a wonder there aren't more people seriously hurt. This is especially true when you think about how much bigger, stronger, and faster players are in today's game compared with when the game was invented (more than 80 years ago).

Undoubtedly, there are still plenty of risks for neck injury other than a kickoff; receivers cutting across the middle, quarterbacks being blindsided, etc. But a rules change to kickoffs would definitely help the situation. Perhaps kicking off from the 40 or 50 yard line instead of the 30? What about the assortment of neck rolls, collars, and other pads that we see some players wearing and others not? Should some form of these be mandatory for every player? It still wouldn't protect against every kind of neck trauma, but even if it prevented only one serious injury over the years, it would have been completely worth it.

Each offseason, representatives of the league's competition committee and the NFL Players Association discuss different equipment options and rule changes that could better protect the players. While everyone can agree that it's a serious issue, it seems as though improving player awareness and technique along with advanced post-injury research and development has been the chosen path so far.

In 2001, NASCAR fans saw one of their most beloved figures, Dale Earnhardt, die during a race from head and neck trauma before it was decided that the HANS (Head and Neck Support) device be required for use by all drivers (Earnhardt was not wearing the device at the time of his death). Before this the device was optional, and many drivers refused to accustom themselves with it, claiming it was uncomfortable and questioning its effectiveness. However, after enduring the tragedy that took one of the sports all time greats, no one is complaining anymore, and since becoming mandatory, the device has saved multiple lives.

Sadly, that may be what has to happen in the NFL, as well. Perhaps people have to see someone like Peyton Manning or LaDanian Tomlinson lose their life on a football field before something is actually done. One would hope that people would learn from the mistakes of others and not simply wait for the worst to happen.

Harry Williams did start to regain feeling in his arms and legs during the ambulance ride to the hospital. He wound up having spinal fusion surgery two days later, and while it appears he will walk again, his career is now over at 26-years-old. I know it may seem like just a couple of fluke injuries that don't nearly warrant the kind of policy that forces players to wear something they're not comfortable in, or a rule change that alters the structure of the sport itself. for that matter. However, as we sit back in our living rooms every Sunday with friends and family, cheering these players on as they tear across the field, fling their bodies through the air, and hurl one another to the ground over and over again, it's easy for us to forget that they too have friends and families at home watching them, as well.

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Today's secret word: Injury

Posted by Kenneth Dean at 11:24 AM | Comments (6)

September 5, 2008

Sports Q&A: MLB Replay?

Anthony from Stark City, MO writes, "Major League Baseball has instituted instant replay and will allow umpires to check video on disputed home run calls only. Is this good for the game of baseball?"

It will be great for the game, especially for the idiotic umpires who can't seem to make the right call on plays that happen right in front of them, much less correctly distinguish a legitimate home run balls some 300 to 400 feet away. Correctly calling home runs should be the least of MLB's worries; they should be more concerned with correctly calling balls and strikes and calls on the bases. These are the calls that, quantitatively, impact the game more. That's why I suggest MLB should not stop at home run replays. They should do away with umpires and their unreasonable egos entirely and turn the objective part of the game over to the only sensible parties — robotics and lasers.

Would a robot have missed the out call at first base that practically handed the 1985 World Series title to the Kansas City Royals? No. Why? Because robots don't make mistakes. Besides, what robot wants the hot, stinking, tobacco-tainted breath of Whitey Herzog in their face, arguing a call? Even machines with no emotions or senses would want to avoid that. Don't worry. There would still be arguments from managers who refuse to believe that any being, even a robot, could be right all of the time. You think manager-umpire confrontations are entertaining now? Robots could be programmed for any number of argument scenarios, from a calm, educated disagreement with Tony LaRussa, to a full-blown psycho meltdown in a tiff with Ozzie Guillen. Of course, all robot umpires would be equipped to speak in the voice of Gilbert Gottfried, adding further to the entertainment value of an argument.

As for judgment calls, from the not-so-obvious, like whether a pitcher was throwing at a batter, to the obvious, like whether Roger Clemens was throwing a piece of broken bat at Mike Piazza, robot umpires would be able to read minds. Of course, therein lies a glaring weakness with robot umpiring — reading the minds of players who tell themselves they're telling the truth, but inevitably tell a lie. If the brain of a Clemens, or a Barry Bonds, call fool his mouth into saying something he knows isn't true, then how will a robot detect what is in fact the truth? It's a problem that would have to be addressed, with experimentation in spring training games, or during the latest round of Congressional steroid hearings.

And speaking of steroids, robot umpires could give drug tests on the spot. Let's say, for example, that Jason Giambi blasts a 600-foot home run, something clearly beyond the capabilities of a human. The robot umpire would stop him briefly as he rounded second, take a blood sample, analyze it in the in-house robotic lab, and have an answer before Giambi crossed home plate. Giambi would be called out, ejected, and, in a nice touch of the human element, the robot would ridicule Giambi for admitting to wearing gold thong underwear during a game. Of course, in today's drugs in baseball climate, this kind of leeway with testing could result in some seven-hour games, and robots testifying before Congress.

As for line calls and fence calls, they could all be monitored by laser. Foul calls would never be missed, and, as an added bonus, invisible fences could be installed to deter fan interference. That way, baseball would be rid, for better or worse, of all the Jeffrey Maier's, Steve Bartman's, and other long-armed fans who feel it's their right to impact the outcome of a game. Of course, that would require that all fans wear shock collars, and they may at first balk at having to pay for one. But teams could just slap a "New Era" or "Logo Athletic" sticker on it, and fans would eat them up, and the shock collar would become just another purposeless accessory, just like the bicep sweat band, or Derek Jeter's glove.

As far-fetched as it may seem, artificial monitoring of sports is a workable solution in baseball, and it can be done without upsetting the tradition of the sport. It was done by those stodgy Brits at Wimbledon, so why can't it be done with the old geezers in baseball who use the word "tradition" as a reason to halt progress? Heck, there are robots flying military aircraft and dropping bombs on innocent civilians; robots should be able to call a baseball game with less drastic ramifications.

Jerome from Brownsville, NY writes, "With Brett Favre now a Jet, are overly optimistic New York sports fans setting their sights too high with visions of Super Bowl glory?"

Is it even possible for New York sports fans to set their sights too high? What New York Jets fan hasn't called a talk radio show and heartily defended Chad Pennington's ability to take the Jets to the promised land? At least until Week 1's result proved otherwise?

Now that Favre is a Jet and Pennington has been jettisoned to Miami, Jets fans can update their football shrines with images of Favre, the savior for whom they've been waiting for what seems like an eternity. There's no telling how many Jets fans have prayed for Pennington to up and disappear. Now that he has, and Favre is the reason, Jets faithful can begin in earnest to worship Favre for what he truly is — a messiah.

Not that Pennington was a bad guy or anything, but, like Satan, he was always interfering with goodness. And what happened to Satan? He was cast to Hell? Pennington? He got truly shafted — he's in Miami, where it's hotter, and where Bill Parcell's wears the horns, as well as the large-waisted pants. Let's face it. Jets fans were in love with Favre before he even threw his first shovel pass, which traveled faster than anything Pennington ever tossed.

Will Favre be able to handle the pressure of playing in New York? Of course. Everyone says Green Bay is an easy place to play, without the added pressure of huge media markets and high fan expectations. Wrong! In Green Bay, the fans own the team. In New York, the fans just think they do. But this should be no problem for Favre. Sure, he's got the high expectations of all Jets fans on his shoulders, but this time, those expectations aren't unreasonable. Favre knows the Jets faithful have the Super Bowl on their minds, but so does he. Otherwise, he wouldn't be there.

Even before he signed with New York, it was apparent the Jets organization had committed to a major effort to return to the playoffs. While addressing defensive issues through the draft, New York upgraded offensively on the free agent market, inking guards Allen Faneca and Damien Woody. Favre recognized a good thing in New York, and since the Packer regime was done recognizing their own good thing, Favre himself, he took off to become the Big Cheese in the Big Apple.

Maybe a better question to ask is this: will Favre be able to handle living in New York City? He's a Wrangler kind of guy in a Gucci kind of town. New Yorkers can't go anywhere without a bottle of water; Favre doesn't leave home without a spit cup. In Favre's world, "Times Square" is a math expression, not an iconic and cultural landmark in New York City. You can buy drugs on any corner in the City; you can't do that in Green Bay, or Kiln, Mississippi. But Favre can acclimate himself to life in New York City by distributing free samples of Prilosec, and wiping out heartburn in the City just as former Mayor Rudy Guliani wiped out pornography. Damn that Guliani.

But seriously, New Yorkers will stop at nothing to make Favre feel at home. Come Thanksgiving, I wouldn't be surprised to see the Favre float right between Rocky and Bullwinkle in the Macy's Parade. Is there a deer stand in Central Park? There will be. It may be a cumbersome alternative, but subway tokens shaped like cans of Copenhagen smokeless tobacco would certainly ease Favre's adjustment. And the Naked Cowboy? He'd have to go, to be replaced by a harp-playing, chocolate-loving transvestite in green and gold known as the "Fudge Packer," which would offer Favre fond memories of Green Bay, should homesickness strike.

So, is a slot in the Super Bowl too much to ask of Favre? First of all, obviously, the Jets would have to make the playoffs, which is a reasonable outcome. A deep playoff run would likely entail beating the Patriots or Colts, or both, in the AFC playoffs. No worries. Favre has already guaranteed a win over the Colts in the AFC Championship, and has promised that should he decide to wear pantyhose this year, he'll do so tastefully. Shoot, maybe the Jets will meet the Packers in Tampa in February 2009. It could happen, especially if both teams in their entirety travel there to watch the Patriots and Cowboys play.

In any case, Jets fans will get their money's worth. Whatever happens, win or lose, Favre will be loved by all. If he gets a kiss from Suzy Kolber on the sidelines, it will be because she asked for it. Who knows? This season might go so well for the Jets that we'll see Bill Parcells return to the franchise next year.

Ethel from Asoria, NY writes, "Can you explain the nerve of the French 400 meter relay team predicting a win over the United States, then losing?"

Do you mean the "French Boast" becoming the "French Toast?" Then I'll gladly explain. But first, let me say that nothing can top a tension-filled, historic, three-minute plus swimming relay for a gold medal for sheer, unadulterated excitement. Except for seeing world-class male swimmers in fashionable one-piece swimsuits stroking side-by-side. That's hot.

Now for the Frenchies. There's nothing wrong with confidence. Of this, the French are certainly not lacking. But French superstar Alain Bernard's overconfidence, with stated intentions of "smashing" the Americans, was the downfall of the French team. I can't state with certainty, but I doubt the Americans would have won that race had Bernard not spoken so confidently. If he really felt that the French could have "smashed" the Americans, then he should have kept his mouth shut and done it. I'm not sure if this is done in swimming events, but in NASCAR, a white flag is displayed to signify one lap remaining. Maybe Bernard saw the white flag and decided to do what the French normally do when they see a white flag — wait for the Americans and coast in behind them.

Get Your Questions Answered!

Do you have a question or comment? Then send your question or comment along with your name and hometown to [email protected]. You may get the answer you're looking for in the next column on Friday, September 19th.

Posted by Jeffrey Boswell at 11:40 AM | Comments (1)

Are MLB Bats the New PEDs?

Major League Baseball and its lords that preside over it can never be accused of implementing new policy or regulatory changes in the best interests of baseball at a rate other than that of a snail's pace.

But when push comes to shove, primarily in the past few years, MLB has been known to go into reactionary or defensive mode to make up for lost time and to account for its head-in-the-sand approach to management. And such has usually come as the result of scolding by the U.S. Congress or chiding from the Major League Baseball Players Association (MLBPA) about issues of importance.

But ultimately it is MLB's fear of declining revenues that moves it to finally take matters into its own hands. And then it seems that such new proposals are crafted virtually overnight, which might justify how misguided or incomprehensive such proposals might be.

That brings us to the case of maple bat-breaking-hysteria. But rather than get hysterical, it is important to understand a little about the history of baseball bats, woods, bat-making, physics, some forestry, and MLB's rules and regulations pertaining to bats, which are rarely enforced.

Most importantly, for the purposes of this report, is the hypothesis that with the advent of testing for performance-enhancing drugs (PEDs) by MLB, and formally realized beginning with the 2004 season, is the decline in home run production in the past three seasons.

And also important to note is the correlation that primarily since 2003, when MLB initiated its survey drug testing, which later led to full-blown testing in 2004, that bats have been breaking at a rapid pace, and more and more each season.

Statistics have already revealed that since 2006 through a pro-rated 2008 season, there could essentially be a drop off of over 800 home runs hit. That is the least amount of home run production since 1993. And the last time there was such a decline in home run production in MLB for three consecutive seasons was during World War II when many of its great players were deployed overseas.

MLB bats historically and primarily in modern times were manufactured with white ash wood going back over 100 years. Compared to ash wood, the swift rise in the production of maple bats really materialized post-2001 after Barry Bonds broke Mark McGwire's home run record by hitting 73 that year.

The first maple bat was introduced to MLB by Sam Holman, an Ottawa, Canada carpenter, of the Original Maple Bat Corp. fame, when he gave one to Toronto Blue Jay, Joe Carter, to try out during the 1997 season. And in 1998 when Joe Carter became a San Francisco Giant, he encouraged Barry Bonds to try one and soon thereafter became a Holman customer. In the following year By 1999, Louisville Slugger began maple bat manufacturing in its Hillerich & Bradsby plant.

Yet, it still took a while for maple to become the bat of choice for most MLB players, which today estimate about 60% of the league. And more realistically, it was not until the 2003 season that a good number of players were using maple bats as they only gained widespread popularity after the 2001 season and the required lead time for bat manufacturers is about a year.

Out of the 32 MLB approved bat manufacturers for 2008, 50% of them supply players with maple bats. Still, Louisville Slugger maintains the lion's share of both types of wood bats, of ash and maple, with both supplied to MLB players, but 60% of its supply being maple.

Most players who now use maple prefer its denseness as it is a heavier wood than ash, and has less flex. Many players believe that maple gives them an edge, and perhaps once satisfied by PEDs. To wit, Jason Giambi is a maple man.

In addition, maple lasts longer than ash. But over the last several years, as bat barrels have become larger and lengths of bats have become longer, bat handles have become narrower. In order to compensate for maple's weight and density and given their thin handles, and the now quicker and more violent swings of the players or torque, it makes for a potential projectile with no direction known. However, ash bats break, as well, and perhaps just as often.

But lax oversight of bat manufacturing and regulation on behalf of MLB has allowed players to influence the bat-making process. And the tremendous increase in maple wood manufacturing over a few short years is not only notable, but remarkable that MLB has not enforced a standard it is required to uphold in the best interests of the game; again, reminiscent of a MLB head-in-the-sand mentality about steroids or PEDs.

In fact, it is widely known throughout baseball that players further shave down bat handles post-manufacture without repercussions or penalty, perhaps because they have not been advised by their teams that they are in violation of baseball rules. Once again, sadly, it is not surprising.

Although the barrel of a MLB bat is not to exceed 2¾ inches in diameter and it is not to be lengthier than 42 inches, there is no limit with regard to skinny handles. The only other regulation is that the bat's maximum difference between inches and ounces must be less than 3½ ounces. Therefore, a 34-inch bat must weigh at least 30½ ounces. These regulations are not monitored on any kind of regular basis by MLB and it has relied upon its manufacturers to honor these 100-year-old rules, with no oversight.

Additionally, the ratio of water content in various wood types during the drying process is imperative to prevent breakage. Sam Holman believes that the rise in the number of maple bats breaking, which explode more and travel further than broken ash bat shards, has to do with mass marketing of inferior quality maple wood, as well as a lack of manufacturers monitoring the drying process of maple. He claims his bats' moisture content ranges between 5%-8% because the more the moisture, the more stress on the wood. He also contends that he has received no complaints about his bats exploding.

Furthermore, due to maple's density, a player most of the time cannot detect a broken bat because fractures usually occur inside of it. With ash bats, a player can visibly see the crack through the grain. But as to whether maple bats break more frequently than ash, has not been proven, as maple bats last longer than ash bats. The difference is only in the way they break and that still goes back to its physics, manufacture and after-manufacture care, storage, or handle shaving.

Not to be minimized is the bat's "sweet spot," which most of the time is the part branded with the company logo. It becomes important, as old-school players were always trained to align the logo with the spot the ball is expected to impact with the hope of getting the best hit. But there is an even more pragmatic reason for it and that is to align the logo in order to have that point in the grain absorb the shock of the ball so it does not break or shatter. Such instruction to young players coming up today is almost non-existent according to coaches around the league.

It has also been noted by coaches in MLB that the bat's logo is often skewed and not on the sweet spot, leaving a greater likelihood that the bat will crack upon impact. There is no one answer that MLB so desperately wants so that it can mitigate any damage to its image, not necessarily damage from its bats to players, coaches, or umpires on the field or fans in harm's way. It is but the perception that it is doing something that MLB craves rather than real results.

For MLB gave the perception that it cared about performance-enhancing drugs long before it started a drug policy, and then years after its failed drug policy was found out by Congress it only then made it more stringent and added amphetamines to its list of banned substances.

This go 'round, however, concerning naughty bats, for the first time in MLB history, Commissioner Bud Selig has installed a Health and Safety Committee as of June 24, 2008. Comprised of eight members of MLB executives and eight players in the MLBPA, the Committee will work with MLB authenticators initially, or those MLB employees previously reserved for validating MLB memorabilia. The authenticators have been given the task of collecting all broken bats from all 30 teams. Such collection began on July 2, 2008.

From there, the bats will be logged into a database system that identifies the player of the broken bat, the type of wood, the manufacturer and model and the type of breakage, catalogued with relevant video tape of the incident. And also for the first time, will be a tally of the number of broken bats to be formally documented.

In addition, MLB contracted with the Forest Products Laboratory, an institute of the University of Wisconsin and established by the U.S. Department of Agriculture almost a century ago. Add that to Dr. Carl Morris, a statistician expert at Harvard University, hired by MLB to compile the data that MLB retrieves, to try to make sense of it all.

And also for the first time, bat manufacturers have finally been given a required survey by MLB which was due on August 8, 2008. It asks them to answer questions about handle and barrel diameters, the weight to length ratios, the type of wood used, its moisture content, the bat's color, and those players for whom they make their various models.

Given the fact that each MLB team purchases the bats on behalf of its players from the manufacturers they desire, at a cost of roughly $70.00 for each maple bat and $50.00 for ash, it would be common sense for MLB to have requested this data all along, instead of starting from scratch, after 115 years of baseball.

But once again, MLB is passing the buck starting with its legal counsel, Rob Manfred, claiming recently that the MLBPA was approached by MLB about its bat problems during the collective bargaining process in 2006. Whether any specifics were ever offered by MLB in addressing the problem, we will never know. But again, the perception that MLB has been all over this issue for years is the goal.

However, banning maple, as has been suggested from different camps, is not the solution for any numbers of reasons as noted above. And now more importantly, the U.S. Department of Agriculture recently confirmed that the forests in which ash trees grow covering seven states and parts of Canada have been exposed to a fatal infestation of an Asian beetle known as the emerald ash borer.

This bug hails from Russia and China and the source of its arrival on U.S. shores can be traced back to China's shipping containers between 2006 and 2007. But China import goods to the U.S. daily so there is no solution in that regard in sight. There presently is no remedy to rid the beetle in the U.S. either, so all agricultural experts can do is to hope that it does not spread too rapidly in the destruction of ash trees as answers are sought. If the ash forests are lost and maple wood bats are banned in MLB, then MLB will go dark.

Meanwhile, other remedies to exploding bats, while MLB gets the skinny on its weak handles, could include netting temporarily used, much like that used behind home plate, draped along the third base and first base lines to protect fans. But Commissioner Selig has already nixed that idea as he has publicly stated that it would take away from the enjoyment of the game's experience and block the view of the fans.

In other words, Selig's fear is that it may impact revenue from those high priced seats. He is not overly concerned about flying objects or about those fans in the other sections of ballparks where the view is almost always obstructed.

But the lack of a regulated bat-making process is but again another issue on Bud Selig's watch. Let us hope this time it will not take another threat from Congress to remind him to do his job and to mind his $8 billion-a-year Popsicle stand.

________________________________________

CONTEST! To celebrate 10 years online, we are giving away $150 in prizes. Use the secret word below in the contest entry form for a chance to win! Full details on our SC 10th Anniversary Contest page.

Today's secret word: Slugger

Posted by Diane M. Grassi at 11:23 AM | Comments (0)

September 4, 2008

NFL Weekly Predictions: Week 1 (Pt. 2)

Also see: NFL Weekly Predictions: Week 1 (Pt. 1)

Note: the quotes in this article are fictional.

St. Louis @ Philadelphia (-7½)

When two talented quarterbacks like Donovan McNabb of the Eagles and Marc Bulger of the Rams face-off as leaders of their respective teams, something's got to give, most notably McNabb's stomach or Bulger's rib cage. The two oft-injured signal-callers hope to return from last year's season-ending injuries and lead their squads. The Eagles were the lone NFC East team left out of the playoffs last year, and like cocaine on the tongue of an Andy Reid offspring, that's left a bitter taste in their mouths. But things are looking good in Philly for a return to playoff prominence. Donovan McNabb is healthy, and if the Eagles can get a full season from their starting quarterback, Philly could stun the NFC. Already, several experts have tabbed the Eagles to represent the NFC in the Super Bowl.

"We're wary of preseason prognosticators who are picking us to go to the Super Bowl," says McNabb. "If you'll recall, last year, CBS' Shannon Sharpe picked the Rams to make the Super Bowl. Not many analysts agreed with him, but for an orange pinstripe suit-wearing, barely literate studio guy, it was an understandable pick. Pimpin' ain't easy, and neither is picking the Super Bowl."

The Eagles, led by 195 total yards and two scores from Bryan Westbrook, manhandle the Rams and quarterback Marc Bulger, 33-16. A dejected Bulger suffers the cruelty of inebriated Eagles fans on his way out of Lincoln Financial Field, most notably from two-bit Philly mafia wannabes Vinnie and Joey, who, dressed as ESPN talk personality Jim Rome, mercilessly taunt Bulger by calling him "Chris Evert."

Jacksonville @ Tennessee (+3)

After finishing second to the Colts again last year in the AFC South, the Jaguars have a division title in their crosshairs, with designs on usurping Indy's stronghold on the division. To assist in that endeavor, Jacksonville drafted with their defensive line in mind, picking defensive ends Derrick Harvey and Quentin Groves, players with the strength to flush Peyton Manning from the pocket, and the speed to chase down the likes of Vince Young.

"Yes, the Jags have certainly retooled that defensive line," says Jeff Fisher. "Is it an eminence front? I don't think so. It's a put on."

When he's not trying to quote Who lyrics, Tennessee's Fisher is one of the NFL's master strategists, able to devise game plans that gives the Titans a shot to win nearly every game. Fisher is well-known for the NFL version of legendary North Carolina coach Dean Smith's "Four Corners," in which the Titans' offense, like the Tar Heels', doesn't even try to score, and instead waits patiently for an opponent's mistake that will lead to one of Rob Bironas' seven or eight field goals.

"Don't knock my man Bironas," says Fisher. "He's got more hip action than Shakira. And three points is three points. Three points can win you a game. And in some cases, three points can double, even triple one's Wonderlic score."

In what is probably the AFC's toughest division top to bottom, the importance of division games is magnified. This will be a dogfight, and ESPN's Tom Jackson will be yelling "He got jacked up!" on numerous occasions. The Titans defense forces three turnovers, and Bironas boots four field goals. Tennessee wins, 19-16.

Houston @ Pittsburgh (-6½)

While it may be hard for the Steelers to get pumped for a visit from a Houston team that doesn't feature Bum Phillips and Dan Pastorini, Mike Tomlin and crew know the importance of opening the season with a win, especially at home against an underdog opponent. So don't expect a lackluster performance from Pittsburgh, a team eager to defend their AFC North crown and return to the playoffs.

"We won't take anyone lightly," says Tomlin, who failed in his bid to convince the NFL to award one point for failed two-point conversions. "Whether it's Phillips and Pastorini, Clyde Drexler and Guy V. Lewis, or Nolan Ryan and Bill Virdon, we'll have to play our best, because you can never underestimate Houston, especially with Dom Capers and David Carr in the mix."

Just a correction, Mike. It's Matt Schaub and Gary Kubiak in Houston now.

"Well, then my apologies to Carr and Capers, God rest their souls."

Tomlin learned some hard lessons last year. One, when holding a one-point lead late in a playoff game, don't have Ben Roethlisberger run the option then fall down on third down when a first down would have secured the victory. Two, Dr. House is always right. Steelers win, 30-13.

Tampa Bay @ New Orleans (-3)

The last two NFC South champions meet in the Superdome for an early jump on the rest of the division, giving the winner the inside track to a surefire playoff loss to an NFC East team come January. The Bucs made a run to bring Brett Favre to Tampa, a ploy which raised the hackles of incumbent quarterback Jeff Garcia, who bristled at the thought of deferring to Favre.

"Answer me this," says Garcia, whose stream of consciousness ramblings on his ham radio show Mind of Garcia have made him a underground radio cult hero. "Shouldn't John Gruden throw all of his support to the quarterback who took his team to the playoffs last year despite the absence of any decent receiver under 35 years of age? And answer me this. When they erect the statue of Favre at Lambeau Filed in the near future, will Gruden kiss the front, or the back?"

Hey, why not both? And, while singing "Round, round, reach-around, I reach-around."

"I love the Beach Boys."

In the Big Easy, Drew Brees knows he's the man, and Reggie Bush is out to prove, once again, that his stats can live up to his number one pick status.

"Hey, don't you go using the words 'Reggie Bush' and 'big bust' in the same sentence," Brees admonishes.

"Unless you're talking about Kim Kardashian," corrects Bush.

The addition of Jeremy Shockey may be just what this team needs to make another deep playoff run. Shockey could very well be the next Kyle Turley in New Orleans. Yeah, I know Shockey isn't on the offensive line, but he's most likely to rip an opponent's helmet off and send it airborne. New Orleans wins, 24-20.

Dallas @ Cleveland (+5½)

On the field, you can expect Tony Romo and Terrell Owens to represent one of the NFL's most prolific quarterback/wide receiver duo. Off the field, you can expect to see Romo, with baseball cap on backwards, squiring around girlfriend Jessica Simpson, while a proud and grateful Owens blusters tearfully, through dark sunglasses, "That's my quarterback ... sniff."

"I've never had a relationship with a quarterback quite like this," says Owens. "We get along so well. If I didn't spend 95% of my time reinforcing my insecurities with acts of ultimate manhood, like wearing form-fitting workout gear three sizes too small, I'd ask the guy to marry me."

Dallas is a big favorite in the NFC this year. Of course, that was the case last year when the playoffs started. With the "Big Three in the Big D," Romo, Owens, and Marion Barber III, the Cowboy offense is potent. And Adam Jones gives Dallas a playmaking threat on defense and on special teams. Jones is making a fresh start in Dallas, after Roger Goodell recently reinstated him, which brings Jones' number to 175. That number being the times he's heard the words "You're free to go."

It's a battle of roly-poly head coaches, as Wade Phillips leads the confident Cowboys into Romeo Crenel's Dawg Pound. Jamal Lewis weebles, Derek Anderson wobbles, and the Browns fall down. Dallas wins, 34-27.

Arizona @ San Francisco (+2½)

Quarterback battles took center stage in the Cardinals and 49ers camps this summer. In Arizona, the usual Kurt Warner/Matt Leinart, "Heaven and Hell" competition taking place, with Warner and the forces of good taking on Leinart and the forces of naughty. In late August, Warner was named the starting quarterback, and announcement that was followed by harp music and singing angels. Warner thanked God, while Leinart took the disappointment well, and while he himself didn't personally thank God, he later had several young lovelies shouting his holiness' name in appreciation.

"Unlike most quarterbacks in this league," says Leinart, "I've got something to fall back on in case quarterbacking doesn't work out. It's called a 'waterbed.'"

In San Francisco, a three-way battle for the quarterback spot ended with J.T. O'Sullivan getting the nod from coach Mike Nolan, in year 1 B.F. of his 49er tenure (that 'B.F.' stands for 'Before Firing'). O'Sullivan beat out Alex Smith, Sean White, and several walk-ons for the job, then had the luxury of choosing to celebrate in one of the 24 Irish pubs bearing his name in the 'Frisco area.

"Actually, I'll be celebrating with fellow Californian Matt Leinart," says O'Sullivan. "He's got a cooler and a hot tub, both fully stocked. There, you'll really see me get my Irish up."

Warner tosses an early score to Larry Fitzgerald, then later hooks up with Anquan Boldin, who's already got his bags packed to leave at year's end. For now, he's happy. Arizona wins, 26-24.

Carolina @ San Diego (-9)

After falling just short in last year's AFC title game, the Chargers enter 2008 with a singular goal — hoisting the Vince Lombardi trophy. Or at least one they can call their own. In short, they've got great expectations.

"Great expectations are fine by me," says Philip Rivers. "In fact, I was conceived while my parents listened to Kiss' "Great Expectations," and while my mother read Charles Dickens' Great Expectations. I emerged from mommy's womb with a voracious appetite to read, and a uncanny desire to wear makeup. My football-coaching daddy quickly intervened, and transitioned my feminine tendencies to the game of football, where I became a quick study with a playbook and a compulsive wearer of eye-black. And that's what got me where I am today."

In Charlotte, North Carolina, a city devastated by Ric Flair's retirement from the squared circle, hope was restored with the news of a healthy Jake Delhomme, who missed most of last season with an elbow injury. Delhomme emerged from successful Tommy John surgery with renewed hopes of a big season, as well as the ability to throw a looping, 54 mph fastball that tails away from left-handers. Delhomme and the Panthers will start the season without Steve Smith, who was suspended two games for punching teammate Ken Lucas.

"We'll surely miss Steve," says Delhomme. "But fans watching our games in Charlotte-area bars won't. In honor of Steve's suspension, and until he returns to the field, local bars are offering a special $1 highball. It's called the 'Cheap Shot.'"

You've got to admire the toughness of some of the Chargers. Rivers played in last year's AFC title game with a surgically repaired knee. Shawne Merriman has been diagnosed with two torn knee ligaments, yet still intends to play this year. And LaDainian Tomlinson, well, he still feels a little wimpy. And he still hates the Patriots. But he's one heck of a running back.

L.T. rushes for two scores as Smith watches helplessly from the sidelines, with visions of Woody Hayes dancing in his head. Chargers win, 27-20.

Chicago @ Indianapolis (-9½)

Recovering from an infected bursa sac, Peyton Manning has chosen to stay far from the public eye and rehabilitate, while avoiding the media and their questions about "recovery timetables," "consecutive games started streaks," and "whether 'bursa' is another name for 'scrotal.'" That's doesn't mean he's neglected his duty as sports' hardest-working pitchman, as already this year, we've witnessed him carry brother Eli through another advertisement, as well as hawk HD television side-by-side with The Chicken.

More impressive, and a testament to the selling ability of anything connected to Peyton Manning's name, the "Bursa Sac" has become a widely popular handbag choice amoung fashion-conscious consumers, second only to the Gucci bag.

In Chicago, Kyle Orton was named starter in mid-August, resulting in the benching of Rex Grossman oh, about three years too late. But, the process of "Rex-ual Healing" has begun, so let's thank Lovie tonight. Wake up, wake up, wake up. 'Cause he did it right.

"That's something that's good for me," says Orton.

As usual, the Colts are Super Bowl-capable. You know Manning will make it through the year, but what of Dwight Freeney and Bob Sanders? The Colts need to clinch the division by late October so these two can have time to heal before the playoffs. But that's way down the road. Orton might be the only Bear quarterback who can make Grossman feel good about his own play. Indy wins, 24-16.

Minnesota @ Green Bay (- 2½)

Can it be any tougher for Aaron Rodgers? Already, he's following one of the greatest sports icons of all time, Brett Favre, as quarterback of the Packers. On top of that, team officials are making a big deal of the situation on opening day, calling it "The Aaron Rodgers Coming Out Party." And they want Rodgers to emerge from the tunnel at Lambeau by busting through a paper closet door, adorned with the Packer logo. And they want him to take a ceremonial first snap from Richard Simmons. And that's saying nothing of the rainbow-colored ribbons each and every fan will be wearing to commemorate the occasion.

"Sure, it's a big deal," says Packers head coach Mike McCarthy. "We want Aaron up to the task. We don't want him to feel like he's following just any old quarterback, but we do want Brett Favre to feel that way. And the pressure's on me, too. I don't want to be known as the coach who refused to allow Favre to come back, just one year after the Packers fell one game short of the Super Bowl, even though, currently, I am known as that coach."

Minnesota intends to contend for the NFC North crown, and Green Bay looks to be their major competition. Head coach Brad Childress has challenged the team to create a motto that describes the team, a team wanting the focus on their play, and not on sex boat fiascos, or week 17 chokes to miss the playoffs, or simulated moonings of Packer fans.

"When people say this new motto," says Childress, holding the shiny Minnesota headgear adorned with the familiar logo, "I want them to think of what this Minnesota organization represents."

"I've got it!" says Adrian Peterson. "Our motto is 'We so horny!' See, the horns."

That's a knee-slapper, Adrian. Careful though, you might tear a ligament.

Who gets a leg up in the NFC North? I can hear McCarthy right now telling Rodgers, "We don't want you to be Brett Favre. We want you to be yourself." Well, Mike, why wouldn't you want Rodgers to be Brett Favre? Anyway, the Pack won't ask much of Rodgers; their defense will carry them. Green Bay wins a low-scoring affair, 18-14.

Denver @ Oakland (+3)

When we last checked in with the Raiders, Al Davis was further shortening Lane Kiffin's leash, as Davis continued to operate under the delirious notion that he can return the Raiders to the glory days of old. Was it Davis who thought Randy Moss was washed up, and was it Davis who agreed to trade Moss for a fifth-round pick last year? It's no secret that Davis' veins course with the colors of Raider black and silver, a statement which is, in fact, true and not hyperbole, because I believe that black and silver are the colors of formaldehyde.

"It's become increasingly difficult for Al to perform the day-to-day tasks of an over-involved owner," says Kiffin. "But talk about persistent. It takes two assistants, some strings and pulleys, some dark shades, and a series of wacky misunderstandings, but Al always gets the job done. It's like Weekend at Bernie's, except that Al looks a lot more dead than Bernie."

Much of Denver's success this year will be riding on the play of quarterback Jay Cutler, one of the NFL's best young QB's. In the storied history of Bronco quarterbacks, Cutler falls somewhere between two-time Super Bowl champ John Elway and recent signal-caller Jake Plummer.

"Does that mean I'll eventually have a Super Bowl ring on my middle finger?" asks Cutler excitedly.

2007 overall first pick JaMarcus Russell will start for the Raiders, and fans in the Black Hole are anxious to see Russell unleash one of his vaunted 70-yard bombs. He doesn't disappoint, slinging a first-quarter pass that travels 71 yards, 8½ inches, a good 20 yards past the outstretched arms of receiver Ronald Curry. Russell later finds his accuracy, and hits Curry for a score, and rookie Darren McFadden scores his first NFL touchdown. Raiders win, 24-21.

Posted by Jeffrey Boswell at 11:44 AM | Comments (2)

College Football Week 1 Shakedown

At the onset of college football's first weekend, John McCain tabbing Sarah Palin for a running mate turned out to be a huge surprise in American politics. Naturally, college football reminded us all what national institution is the true sultan of shock, with lesser opponents toppling highly rated programs — again. McCain would have had to have selected Charles Barkley to match last weekend.

(I promise, that was a non-partisan analogy to lead into the article, and I will cease and desist from political references henceforth.)

There was plenty of turmoil in a week usually consisting of three decent games, several creampuff beat-downs, and maybe one giant killing. Of course, later this season, this wouldn't be a huge week of upsets. Even with two teams picked near the top of their conference falling to non-BCS schools. But most teams treat the first week as a scrimmage, leaving fewer games that even have potential for an upset.

Some of the other games weren't much of upsets at all when you really looked at it. So here we start at the top and work our way down the list of upsets, from holy-crap-did-you-hear to ya-know-I-almost-picked-that-myself.

1. East Carolina over Virginia Tech

There's nothing like a neutral-site loss to a C-USA team to kick off an ACC title defense. East Carolina is a solid team, and Skip Holtz is not new to giving BCS teams fits. But Virginia Tech is the defending ACC champ, was picked to win its division again, was ranked 17th, and has won at least 10 games each of the past four years. Oh, and the Hokies hadn't lost an early-season non-conference game to a team not in the top five in over 10 years.

What does it mean? C-USA be warned; East Carolina is pretty good. Oh, you meant for Virginia Tech. Well, based on the weekend the rest of the ACC had, not much. Clemson appears later in this article, Virginia and NC State were abused on national television, Maryland sneaked out a 14-7 win over the mighty Fightin' Blue Hens of Delaware, and Boston College didn't exactly light up Kent State (21-0). So basically, Virginia Tech is right on track for another title.

2. Bowling Green over Pitt

This was the year Dave Wannstedt had it together and was ready to challenge for a Big East title. Okay, so we've heard that before, but this year they had a big win knocking West Virginia out of the BCS title game to build off of, right? But a loss to a good, not stellar, MAC team sure wasn't in the plan. After taking a 14-0 lead, Pitt rode a 4-1 turnover deficit to a 10-point loss, Pitt's first ever at home to a MAC team.

What does it mean? Pitt is still Pitt, legit Big East contention is still a pipe dream. The defense did its job. But turnovers, 56 rushing yards in the final three quarters, and refusal to dominate a theoretically weaker team at home belies a team not ready for big time. Oh, and it also means Wannstedt might want to update his resume.

3. UCLA over Tennessee

Yes, for the second straight year, the Vols kicked off the season with a loss in California. But last year, they fell — hard — to a ranked, high-firepower Cal team (which didn't start its gross underachieving until midseason). This year, enter UCLA, a rebuilding program picked in the bottom half of the Pac-10 by most, in part because their top two quarterbacks were out. Oh, and early in the game, they lost their starting tailback, tight end, and wideout, all seniors and team leaders.

What does it mean? UCLA might be better than expected. The defense was relatively solid, but that's nothing new under coordinator DeWayne Walker. Of course, he is now overshadowed by newcomers Rick Neuheisel and Norm Chow, and the offense looked nothing like anything seen in Westwood under Karl Dorrell, at least once Kevin Kraft was informed his team was wearing blue at halftime. This is a quality Pac-10 team, but there are still a lot of holes for the top half of the conference to take advantage of until the new staff gets recruit reinforcements.

Tennessee, meanwhile, was frankly the more athletic, physical team out of the gate, unlike last year. But they repeatedly refused to deliver the knockout blow. It was only 14-7 at half, with four Bruin interceptions. That's insane failure to capitalize. Plus, they were running all over UCLA at 5.2 per, but let penalties and a weak passing game prevent the fatal right cross. Hey, they have lost in Cali and come back to win a division before. You just can't count on that twice in a row.

4. Youngstown State outlasts Beanie Wells

Injuries happen in football. So do punt blocks. That doesn't mean they should happen to your star, bruising running back against an inferior opponent. (Yes, another jab at VaTech.)

What does it mean? Not much now, considering he might even be ready against Ohio in a week. Let's just say if a non-contact injury not even taking him out a week took him out of a game against YSU, USC's defense might find itself less than intimidated.

5. Alabama over Clemson

The result wasn't surprising. These were two ranked teams, and Alabama under Nick Saban, say what you want about the guy, is on its way up. What struck everyone over the head like a lead pipe was how apathetic Clemson seemed to be to the whole scenario. The preseason pick to unseat Virginia Tech as ACC champs, not to mention the supposed No. 9 team in the country, was beaten every way a team can be beaten. It's heralded, NFL-ready, two-headed monster backfield of James Davis and C.J. Spiller combined for 20 yards. Without their kickoff return for a touchdown (they had plenty of chances), they accomplished nothing. Except showing that they are, again, not an elite football team.

What does it mean? LSU lost a lot from last year, some are unconvinced Auburn is a top 10 team, and Mississippi State already lost to Louisiana Tech (okay, that last one was irrelevant). The SEC West is in play for Alabama this year, if this was any indication, and John Parker Wilson seems ready to take this team up a notch. Clemson? Buh-bye top 10, hello teaming masses of ACC teams trying to prove they are less allergic to excellence than their counterparts.

6. Stanford over Oregon State

Forgot about that one, didn't you? Late Thursday night, the Cardinal continued their steady improvement under Jim Harbaugh in a great game against the visiting Beavers. Not an earth-shattering coup, but certainly an upset worth noting.

What does it mean? Let's remember, this team did beat USC. No matter how bad USC choked, that shows this isn't the same old Stanford the Pac-10 just kicked around. Oregon State, meanwhile, was crushed last year early against Cincinnati, and had a quality, nine-win season, giving the Beavers 19 over the last two years.

7. Fresno State over Rutgers

Rutgers is relevant. Relevant enough even to qualify as an upset victim to a good WAC team. Now, this game was ugly on both sides, especially in the first half. But Rutgers certainly didn't do itself any favors when it let the Bulldogs walk out of Piscataway with a W. Still, the Bulldogs got off to a good start before facing UCLA and Wisconsin in coach Pat Hill's traditional non-conference gauntlet.

8. Utah over Michigan

Not so much of a surprise. Not after last year. Utah gets Appalachian State's sloppy seconds. Only for this loss, Michigan was rolling out a new coach and his offensive scheme, which is ill-designed for the players already in place in Ann Arbor, who clearly hadn't grasped its intricacies (or basics). Intelligent fans wouldn't have really raised an eyebrow if the Utes were favored by Vegas going into the Big House, and that tells you all you need to know about Michigan.

Top 10

In honor of the fact that I don't believe in rankings before October, here is a top 10. In this one, there is a lot of fluidity and not (as) much reliance on prior rankings.

1. USC — Trojans properly rewarded for clubbing a bona-fide team in their first game. There should be more than one other team on this list (Missouri).

2. Florida — Clocked Hawaii and has an offense that is lethal. Is the defense ready? We'll see soon enough, like next week against Miami (hey, 52 is good, even on Charleston Southern).

3. Georgia — This team is largely back and lit up teams to finish last year. Not quite as impressive against Georgia Southern as the top two were in their games, though.

4. Oklahoma — Popped Chattanooga; stop the presses. Until proven otherwise, still the class of the Big 12.

5. Missouri — Offense will run track meet with any defense. But they have to beat the big boys (Texas, and presumably OU in the title game) to belong. They can do it, but a secondary that lets teams hang around is a concern.

6. Ohio State — And this still might be too high. Stay tuned for Sept. 13. Apparently, they have an engagement in L.A. to look forward to (after dispatching Ohio).

7. LSU — Avoided the Appalachian State bug ... easily. But again, this team has lost a lot from last year.

8. Texas — Colt McCoy and the Longhorns are still lurking; let's remember, they tattooed a decent Arizona State team in the Holiday Bowl. But who doesn't beat Florida Atlantic 52-10?

9. Oregon — Offense didn't miss Dixon in 44-10 rout of Washington. This team may still be USC's top threat in the Pac-10. (ASU needs to win a big game to join the club. UGA is on its way to Tempe in late September? Opportunity knocks, er, barks.)

10. West Virginia — A 48-21 win over FCS (read D1-AA) Villanova doesn't quite inspire. But Pat White and Noel Devine are still there, and their romp on Oklahoma last year does inspire. Just watch out for East Carolina next week. Ask Virginia Tech.

Posted by Kyle Jahner at 11:36 AM | Comments (2)

September 3, 2008

NFL Weekly Predictions: Week 1 (Pt. 1)

Note: the quotes in this article are fictional.

Washington @ NY Giants (-3½)

The Giants start the season like they ended it: facing an undefeated three-time Super Bowl champion. That's right: the 'Skins have won three titles, and, at 0-0, they boast an undefeated season record, along with 31 other teams. Those three Super Bowl teams were coached by Joe Gibbs, who retired to devote himself fully to his NASCAR racing teams. In his place is new head coach Jim Zorn, former Seattle Seahawks quarterback, who still sports one of the game's most luxurious heads of hair.

"I don't plan to stray to far from the Gibbs' philosophy," says Zorn. "An opportunistic defense, solid special teams, an offense unafraid to take shots downfield, and magnets strategically placed in order to gain some type of illegal advantage. This is the NFC East; nothing will come easy. We may well be the least talented team in the division. But talent isn't everything. I made a name for myself more so with hard work than talent. You can read all about it in my biography, Hardcore Zornography, in which I discuss, among other things, the frustration of toiling at low-level coaching jobs while Steve Largent was gaining notoriety with the likes of the Love Boat Gopher's and Dukes of Hazzard Cooter's of the world in the political arena. Now it's my turn to shine."

For the opening coin toss, Eli Manning and his fellow Giant captains are somewhat alarmed to learn that the honorary coin tosser is none other than the cold-blooded Anton Chigurh, the heartless assassin of No Country For Old Men fame.

"Call it, friend-o," Chigurh says in the direction of Manning, giving the Giant quarterback an icy stare.

"No, I ain't gonna call it," says Manning. "That coin don't have no say. It's just you."

Manning then slinks away and hides behind Justin Tuck, as Chigurh removes his silly wig and reveals himself to be acclaimed Academy Award-winning actor Javier Bardem.

"Chill out, Eli," says Bardem. "I'm like Jeremy Shockey. I just played a badass."

Bardem then unveils a pneumatic cattle gun, intent on taking out referee Ed Hochuli, whom Bardem, back in Chigurh-mode, has mistaken for Tommy Lee Jones. Hochuli takes a shot to the head, and, unfazed, flags Bardem/Chigurh for a "Spanish Imposition," punishable by ejection via a headlock in Hochuli's massive arms.

If the G-Men are to defend their Super Bowl title, they'll have to do so without Osi Umenyiora, out for the season with torn knee ligaments, and Michael Strahan, who, unlike on his record-setting sack of 2001, didn't follow Brett Favre's lead and remained retired. But that's okay. New York did it last year without Tiki Barber and Shockey, for the most part. Now, if Manning and Plaxico Burress go down, the Giants are in trouble.

Manning throws for two scores as the Giants jump out to an early 14-0 lead and win, 27-20.

Detroit @ Atlanta (+3)

Much has changed in Atlanta. Michael Turner, LaDainian Tomlinson's backup in San Diego, is the Falcons' prized free agent acquisition. Perennially disgruntled cornerback DeAngelo Hall is in Oakland, a safe distance from Steve Smith. And gone is Bobby Petrino, known as "The Quitter," who fled Atlanta like Scarlet O'Hara. In his place is former Jacksonville linebackers coach Mike Smith, dubbed "The Quitter Picker-Upper," who has vowed to turn the franchise around. The Falcons started by signing their quarterback of the future, Matt Ryan, to a huge contract, which included over $34 million guaranteed.

"That's a hefty sum to pay a Falcon quarterback not involved in dogfighting," says Smith. "$34 million can easily buy one shady friends and poor decisions, but it won't get you anywhere against an airtight federal case. Matt's a hard-working guy and we're happy to have him here. That's the circle of life. I don't want to say we've all benefitted from Michael Vick's misfortune, but if not for Vick, I wouldn't be here, Matt wouldn't be here, and officials at Leavenworth wouldn't be getting their dishes washed for 12 cents an hour. So we all win."

While Vick may be underpaid for his services, Detroit general manger Matt Millen is certainly among, if not at the top of, the ranks of the overpaid. Why Millen continues to keep his job is inexplicable, if not criminal. Longtime Lions supporters are nearly fed-up, with many calling for Millen's head.

"I got two words for Millen," says Thomas Magnum, private investigator, well-known as a Tigers fan, but also an avid Lions supporter. "You suck. And, I've got four words for Millen: long walk, short pier. Higgins and T.C. agree with me. Get lost Millen. Obviously, the Ford's don't know what they're doing. They're running Ford Motor Company into the ground, as well as the Detroit Lions."

Millen knows he faces an ultimatum — either put up, or keep your job. It's a nice opener for the Lions, against arguably the NFC's worst team. Jon Kitna throws for 280 yards and 3 scores, two to Roy Williams and one to Calvin Johnson, and Kitna makes good on his guarantee of one win, a guarantee he boldly ups to two after the game.

Detroit wins, 30-13.

Seattle @ Buffalo (-1)

It's always difficult to start the season on the road, with a cross-country flight staring you in the face, and a coach, Mike Holgren, still stinging from last year's 42-14 blowout loss to Green Bay. Quarterback Matt Hasselbeck, ever the brunt of Holgren's ire, dreads transcontinental flights with a gruff head coach nearly as much as he dreads winning an overtime coin toss, predicting a win, then throwing a game-losing interception soon after.

"There's nothing I hate more than a flight with Al Harris as a passenger," says Hasselbeck. "Well, except for a flight co-piloted by Kareem Abdul-Jabbar. But seriously, Coach hasn't been happy since he won the Super Bowl with the Packers. That was a great day for Coach, but with each successive failure to win another championship, the whispers get louder and louder. Those whispers voice the belief that Holmgren is the Mike Shanahan of the NFC. You know, the coach who can't win the big one without riding the coattails of a Hall of Fame quarterback. Shanny brown-nosed his way to two titles with John Elway. Holmgren saddled up Brett Favre for his."

The Bills hope to improve on last year's 8-8 record, and if they can reach 10-6, then they just might be hosting an NFL playoff game come January instead of an NHL regular-season game. If that happens, head coach Dick Jauron might just be able to muster his first smile since the two-minute mark of last year's Dallas game. To do so, the Bills will have to ride the broad shoulders of talented running back Marshawn Lynch.

"Last year was just a preview of what Marshawn could do," says Jauron. "This year will be his coming out party. We think he can be a 30-carry back for us. I don't doubt that he can carry that load. I just hope he understands that to do that, he's got to learn to pace himself, and conserve his legs for those cold December days when we'll need him to grind out yards. You know, the kid doesn't know when to stop. That won't serve him well on the field, and it hasn't served him well on the highway."

Buffalo edges Seattle, 23-21.

NY Jets @ Miami (+3)

When Brett Favre announced his retirement in March through watery eyes and crossed fingers, few, if any, thought the iconic Green Bay Packer would find himself in a Jets uniform come July. Well, it happened, and Favre perpetrated possibly the biggest swerve since Hulk Hogan joined the N.W.O. some time back. To Jets fans, it was sweet, just too sweet, in fact.

Favre is set to take on a new city, a new conference, the high expectations of one of the NFL's most rabid fan bases, and a New York media than can be imminently tougher than a pair of Wrangler jeans.

"I can handle the New York media," says Favre. "You know me. I've never shied away from criticism. That is, unless it comes from the Green Bay front office. Then I'm on the first plane out of there. I will say this — nothing a reporter says will change the way I play, or feel about myself. However, the minute Hank Steinbrenner calls me out, I'll be on him like Billy on Reggie."

And, speaking of people who can't stay retired, Bill Parcells is now fat and happy as general manager of the Dolphins, and promptly trimmed the fat in Miami, releasing woozy quarterback Trent Green and aging linebacker Zach Thomas, then running off the Dolpinins' best player, Jason Taylor. Cam Cameron was wacked, and Parcells hired Tony Sparano. Word has it that running back Ricky Williams, on the wagon and out of his curtained, bubble-windowed 1979 van, is in great shape.

"That means I, I mean we've, got a running back decision to hash out," says Parcells. "Ronnie Brown may still be a starter, but I like what I see from Ricky. He's been working out feverishly, and although his playbook is bound in hemp and the license plate on his scooter reads 'BURN 1,' I still think he's put his marijuana troubles behind him."

Excitement is high in Miami on Sunday. So high, in fact, that 65,000 fans who stand during Favre's introduction are ejected from the stadium under the stadium's rarely enforced fan behavior policy. Unfazed, Favre lights up the Dolphins for the few remaining fans, and the Jets impress with a 27-10 win.

Cincinnati @ Baltimore (+1)

Who dey, who dey, who dey think gonna beat them Bengals?

That's easy. Themselves. With the Bengals, it's either injuries, criminal mischief, or bickering amongst players. In other words, it's "Bones, Thugs and Disharmony," which, this year, places Cincy at a crossroads. They've got to find the defense to keep up with their offense, or this team is bordering on implosion.

Of course, when you talk about the Bengals, you have to talk about Chad Johnson. Hell, when Chad Johnson talks about the Bengals, he has to talk about Chad Johnson. Johnson spent much of last year whining, often to Carson Palmer; then Johnson spent most of the offseason bitching, moaning, shucking, jiving, sticking, moving, and demanding trades, among other diva-like behavior. He even legally had his last name changed to 'Ocho Cinco.' Johnson even boasted that he could out-swim eight-time Olympic gold medal winner Michael Phelps.

"Chad's a buffoon," says Bengals head coach, the perpetually flustered Marvin Lewis. "He couldn't whip cream with an outboard motor, much less beat Phelps with one. Doesn't he know, in Cincinnati, the breaststroke will get you charged with sexual harassment, not a gold medal. Here, 'freestyle' is a type of rap, not a swim stroke. In Cincinnati, the 'American crawl' is a mode of land transportation for a drunken Chris Henry, not a manner of slicing through water. Actually, Chad should change his last name to 'Mucho Ego.' I will say this for Chad. He's a much better interview than that gangly water-nerd Phelps."

In Baltimore, quarterback Steve McNair announced his retirement, choosing to walk away while he could still walk. Asked whether he would miss the game, the oft-injured McNair replied "questionable."

"I'll surely miss the Baltimore receiving corps," says McNair. "But I'll have those guys in mind when I'm short-hopping passes to my kids."

Six-foot-six rookie Joe Flacco, from the University of Delaware, gets the start for the Ravens, and quickly answers questions as to his preparedness in handling NFL defenses.

"I've seen better defenses in college," says Flacco. "And more alcoholics."

Flacco manages the game well, but the Bengals, behind their high-powered passing game, outgun the Ravens, 24-18.

Kansas City @ New England (-16½)

When we last checked, the Patriots had just blown an undefeated season, foiled by the relentless New York Giants, and the 1972 Miami Dolphins were toasting each other with champagne in what was probably a naked orgy at Garo Yepremian's grotto. This year, the goal is simple for the Pats: win the Super Bowl at all costs, even if that includes unauthorized filming of Jets coaches, Rams walk-throughs, or intriguing acts of intercourse between Verne Troyer and a normal-sized lady.

"Mini-Me and his lady friend learned a hard lesson," says Tom Brady. "Never let video footage fall into the wrong hands. Coach [Bill] Belichick has studied the Troyer sex tape , ironically, at great length, and, like he did with the Jets footage, he basically found nothing useful."

"You'd be surprised what the Patriot Film Library holds. We've got film of Senator Arlen Specter and commissioner Roger Goodell discussing Spygate in the study, Zeke Mowatt and reporter Lisa Olson debating missile defense in the billiard room, and Professor Plum getting down with Miss Scarlet in the conservatory."

All-World wide receiver Randy Moss expects the Pats to keep on truckin,' all the way to the Super Bowl. And he doesn't see a problem with the never-ending speculation of a Tom Brady/Giselle Bunchen wedding.

"I trust Tom to put this football team first," says Moss, who like Brady, also graced the cover of GQ, Gangsters Quarterbag, and is rumored to be planning nuptials with Naomi Campbell, although that's news to her. "If he wants to marry as supermodel, so be it. Unlike many unions between athletes and supermodels, I don't think there's any danger of a Tom and Gisele marriage ending in a nasty split, unless you're talking about their wedding night, whereas the 'nasty split' would refer to Giselle's favorite sexual position."

Brady, Moss, and Wes Welker lead the Patriots to a 38-10 lead to begin the fourth. The Chiefs, at coach Herman Edwards urging, play "to get the final margin of victory below 22 points." It's their first success of the day.

New England wins, 38-17.

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NASCAR Top 10 Power Rankings: Week 25

Note: the quotes in this article are fictional.

1. Kyle Busch — Busch finished seventh at California, right behind Carl Edwards, as the Busch/Edwards feud quieted in deference to the dominating performance of Jimmie Johnson. Busch and Edwards even had adjacent pit stalls, but unfortunately for race fans desperate for a reason to keep watching the race, nothing improper happened.

"Well, being that close to the No. 99 team," says Busch, "you could cut the tension with a knife, a knife that could be characterized just like this race — dull. But don't think for a second that Carl and I aren't out to get each other. This feud is for real. We seriously hate each other, so much so that I see this feud spilling over throughout the Chase, and culminating on the dais at the awards banquet in New York, when we'll both make light of this situation with jokes written for us by pros. Then we'll both applaud politely as Jimmie Johnson is presented the Sprint Cup trophy."

2. Carl Edwards — For the third consecutive week, Edwards finished one spot ahead of Kyle Busch. Only this time, in California, Edwards finished sixth to Busch's seventh, no bonus points were awarded, and no shenanigans on the cool down lap took place.

"There's not a better feeling than creeping up on the No. 18's bumper," says Edwards, "and uttering those same words first made famous in the 1984 movie Revenge of the Nerds — 'We've got Busch.'"

3. Jimmie Johnson — Johnson led 228 of 250 laps in the Pepsi 500, completely dominating in California, site of his first Sprint Cup win, in 2002. Johnson foiled Carl Edwards attempt to win his third-straight race, and Johnson again reasserted himself as a Chase factor.

"So Carl thought he was going back-to-back-to-back in Cali?" says Johnson. "Man, I don't think so. Just call me LL Cool 'JJ.' And, to commemorate my huge margin of victory, we're bringing back our version of the 'Big Johnson' line of t-shirts. This one says 'Big Johnson Leads: It's Gettin' Bigger, You're Gettin' Smaller."

4. Kevin Harvick — Harvick earned his fifth straight top-10 finish with a fourth in California, which improved his position in the point standings one spot to seventh.

"It's just business as usual here for the Shell/Pennzoil team," says Harvick. "I'm not in Rolling Stone, there are no magnets or loose oil lids in my car, and Randy Moss is not my car owner. But it would be nice to take that Moss truck for a spin. I've got a feeling the drug testing procedures over at Moss Motorsports aren't quite as stringent as those at Kevin Harvick, Inc. I heard Moss employs five of his friends to generate the smoke used in their wind tunnel."

5. Greg Biffle — Biffle clearly had the second-best car in the Pepsi 500, but it was a distant second to Jimmie Johnson's invincible No. 48, which easily won the race. Twice, Biffle emerged from pit stops with the lead, only to see the No. 48 immediately on his tail and soon past him for the lead. Biffle moved up one slot to sixth in the Sprint Cup point standings.

"I don't know what that No. 48 team did to that car," says Biffle, "but it was unbeatable. That was a real team effort. Johnson handled the passing on the track, and Chad Knaus handled the passing in the inspection line."

"Now, all I need to do to clinch my spot in the Chase is start the race. Sounds simple, huh? Michael Waltrip would beg to differ."

6. Matt Kenseth — Kenseth scored his sixth top-five of the year with a fifth in California, as three Roush cars occupied the top six. Kenseth is now ninth in the Sprint Cup point standings.

"Why did NASCAR have to place Carl Edwards on probation for his actions against Kyle Busch at Bristol," says Kenseth. "He was just defending himself. I don't think Carl has anger issues, at least when he's not threatening to hit me. It's unfortunate, not only for Carl, but for me, as well. If Carl can't direct his rage towards Busch, then that usually means I'm the one facing the brunt of his anger."

7. Tony Stewart — Stewart, in the Subway/Home Depot Chevrolet, finished 22nd in California, a performance that one could say Stewart "mailed in." Could that be Stewart's fiendish revenge against Subway for dropping him as a paid endorser, or has this just been an off-year for him?

"Look, a lot's been going on with me this season," says Stewart. "Racing is the least of my worries. And race reporters feel the same way, apparently. Nobody wants to ask me about my racing. It's been "Are you going to start you're own team?" or "Who's going to drive for you next year?" or "You seriously have women throwing themselves at your fat ass?" Questions like that. To be honest, media spotlight is not something I'd rather be under, unless 'Media Spotlight' is a buxom, 20-something stripper with high beams and low self-respect."

"But let's be serious for a moment. I want to state for the record that I have the utmost respect for women, especially young, attractive ones, and I would never do anything that could be deemed as the mistreatment of women. Unless, like in the case of Kurt Busch, they deserve it."

8. Jeff Gordon — After a promising qualifying run that placed him third on the grid, Gordon had high hopes for a strong finish, and possibly a win, in Fontana, a result that would provide a much-needed boost to a sagging season. Instead, handling issues again affected Gordon's progress, and he eventually finished 15th, which dropped him one place in the point standings to 10th. Gordon needs a result of 24th or better to clinch his spot in the Chase.

"24th? No problem," says Gordon. "All I have to do is ask Steve Letarte to give me the best possible car, and I can bring home a 16th, maybe a 17th, and we'll be in the Chase and one of nine cars interfering with the real battle for the Cup between Kyle Busch, Carl Edwards, and Jimmie Johnson."

9. Dale Earnhardt, Jr. — Earnhardt finished 11th in the Pepsi 500, his 12th top-10 result of the year, as teammate Jimmie Johnson won in California and overtook Earnhardt for the third spot in the point standings.

"So I dropped a place in the standings," says Earnhardt. "So what? I'm not the only thing dropping. Prices are falling at Wal-Mart, and lights are falling at Auto Club Speedway. Somewhere, Chicken Little is feeling vindicated."

10 (tie): Denny Hamlin/Clint Bowyer — With his second consecutive third-place finish, Hamlin has all but removed himself from the Chase bubble. With Richmond next up, a race Hamlin dominated in May before a flat tire derailed him, Hamlin's chances of securing a Chase ticket are very likely.

"You know, they don't write stories about me in Rolling Stone," says Hamlin. "Nor am I one to mix it up on the track with Carl Edwards. And I don't like anything, least not magnets, between my gas pedal and the floor. One would think otherwise, but I'm the maverick here at Joe Gibbs Racing. I'm the unique one. Heck, I'm the only person in this company not on probation."

Bowyer, after a 10th in Fontana, currently holds the 12th spot in the Sprint Cup point standings, with a tenuous 17-point lead over David Ragan in the 13th spot, and a 48-point cushion over Kasey Kahne in 14th. So, it looks like a three-man race for the final transfer spot.

"We definitely want to see the No. 07 Jack Daniels Chevy in the Chase," says Bowyer. "And so do lots of liquor drinkers. But simply having 'Jack Daniels' on our car does not alone guarantee a spot in the Chase. Heck, you would think playing a 'Jack Daniels' bass guitar would have been enough to keep Michael Anthony in Van Halen, but Eddie Van Halen and the voices in his head thought otherwise. We just hope we don't get 'Eddie Van Halen-ed' in Richmond."

Posted by Jeffrey Boswell at 11:07 AM | Comments (0)

September 2, 2008

NFL '08 Predictions: AFC South

Also see: NFL '08 Predictions: NFC North | NFC West | NFC East | NFC South | AFC North | AFC West | AFC East

Indianapolis Colts

Peyton Manning's injury aside, the Colts look to be in decent health heading into 2008. Health was one thing that kept them from rising to the heights of defending Super Bowl champions in 2007. Marvin Harrison missed 11 games, and Dwight Freeney, Dallas Clark, and Joseph Addai also missed time nursing injuries. While injury can occur to any play at any time it seems, missing as many key players as the Colts did made winning games exceptionally difficult.

The Colts' defense has really stepped up to become the big brother of the team, rather than the weak sister it seemed to be for so many years. With Freeney back and dominant safety Bob Sanders roaming around, the Colts could be back to their heights of glory poised to win another Super Bowl. Of course that all depends on how No. 18 can recover and avoid setbacks.

Prediction: 14-2

Jacksonville Jaguars

As usual, the Jaguars are set to run the ball and stop the run. With one of the best running back duos in the league, Fred Taylor and Maurice Jones-Drew, they look to once again dominate in tandem. Last year, they nearly recorded a combined 2,000-yards rushing; look for them to do the same in 2008.

David Garrard put together a good year in 2007 that was based on one basic principle: don't make mistakes. This was abundantly achieved with his 18 touchdown passes and only 3 interceptions, but Garrard was unable to play mistake-free football in the playoffs. His woeful performance against Pittsburgh almost cost the Jaguars the game, and against the Patriots, it just wasn't the Jags' day. If there's a team that's ready to rise to challenge the big names of the AFC, it is the Jacksonville Jaguars. Look for them to be a certain wild card pick and to be tough to beat in the playoffs.

Prediction: 12-4

Houston Texans

The Texans have been a team for the past few years that have played the role of spoiler very well, winning games they should not have won, yet never having a winning record. In the last four weeks of the 2007 season, the Texans went 3-1, defeating Tampa Bay, Denver, and Jacksonville, while losing to Indianapolis. The win against Denver was the final straw that knocked the Broncos out of contention. The win against Tampa ended a four-game Buccaneer winning streak that sent them into a tail-spin and an early exit in the playoffs to the future Super Bowl champion New York Giants.

In 2006, the Texans beat the Jaguars twice, and stopped Manning and the Colts in Week 16, which denied the Colts a first-round bye and made them win an extra game on the road to the Super Bowl.

One of the most interesting names in your fantasy draft was probably Matt Schaub, Houston's promising quarterback. Schaub wasn't amazing in 2007, but with Andre Johnson at his right or left arm, Schaub should be all right, provided he has more than 1.5 seconds to get rid of the ball.

Prediction: 8-8

Tennessee Titans

Last year when the Titans could barely beat the Colts' B-team, it led me to believe they were on a downward slope. Vince Young has never become the explosive, playmaking quarterback he could be and now he's reaching an age at which he's not going to get any faster, which will continue to make him increasingly ineffective as a run/pass option. The rest of the offense seems a bit young and inexperienced to make a realistic run at the playoffs. If the Titans are going any place soon, they'll need some major help from their strongest link, the defensive line, with Jevon Kearse, Albert Haynesworth, and Kyle Vanden Bosch.

But in all likelihood, 2008 will prove to be the year in which the Titans and the Texans trade places at the bottom of the division.

Prediction: 6-10

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September 1, 2008

2008 Fantasy Football Preview: K/Defense

Also see: 2008 Fantasy Football Preview:
QB/RB | WR/TE

This third and final breakdown will give you all the information you need to select the oft-overlooked players at the kicker and defensive positions. In this particular missive, I will list for you those individual defenders that you need to solidify your championship roster should your league utilize individual defensive players over the more popular team defensive units. I have included the top 10 team defense/special team units, as well, in an effort to remain as thorough as possible. However, much of the supporting text referencing defense focuses only on IDP (individual defensive player) leagues as this is what I know best.

Kickers and defensive players, as was stated in the opening are often times overlooked by owners across the fantasy football landscape. While I certainly would not recommend the drafting of either of these positions early and often, I also would submit that intelligent drafting through the identification of a "shortlist" will go a long way towards solidifying your weekly point output in any given league, so these spots should not be taken as lightly as many would recommend.

A Word on Scoring

Fantasy leagues have very different scoring systems. For the purposes of this article, I am measuring each player against one of the more common scoring systems and one with which I am the most familiar; however, the projected stats have been included so any scoring system can be applied and anyone can come up with rankings customized for their own leagues.

As a matter of reference, the scoring system used here is as follows: 1 point for every 30 yards passing/15 yards receiving/15 yards rushing, 6 points for each TD, -3 points for each INT thrown/fumble lost. Kickers are awarded 3 points per FG and 1 point for each PAT. Defensive rankings are assuming 1 point per tackle, 0.5 points per assist, 4 points for a sack, 3 points each for INT/fumble recovery/forced fumble.

KICKERS

First and foremost, it should be noted that if your league draft features any kicker's name being called prior to round eight, you are in the wrong league or should discuss renaming the guilty owner's team to something like "E-Z Money" or "Better Luck Next Year." It makes much more sense to start looking for your kicker sometime nearing the 14th round or shortly thereafter.

As unscientific an assessment as this may seem, there actually is some methodology behind the recommendation. In a 10-team league, by the time the 14th round rolls around, 130 players have been chosen. Each team, by this point, should have their two QBs (20 players), three RBs (30), and three WRs (30). Additionally, you would think each team will have chosen at least a single TE (10). Factor in another 15 RBs to cover handcuffs and the remaining starting backs that may be of less value and maybe 15 defensive players. Then you have those 10 picks you all laughed at (reaches, second TEs, that dummy that already picked a kicker) and that covers your 130 selections. Since you, being a draft genius armed with this handy draft guide, already have solidified your starters and primary rotation guys, rather than building some more roster fodder by reaching for those sleepers, take your guy at the K position.

The ultimate value that is realized through this strategy is the peace of mind that you will have not needing to scour the waiver wire each week for the best remaining kicking option. Not only that, but, if you pull this off, you'll have added a guaranteed 8-12 points each week to your scoring output, which, theoretically, will give you a 2-4-point cushion at that position over most any opponent you play. And you will have accomplished this without losing out on acquiring your strong primary player rotation.

I must stress that this strategy requires you to do your homework (or trust mine). You must settle on two or three options at the most and target one of those players. The moment those options are off the board, scuttle the plan and take a late round (read: last pick) flier on the best available upside guy remaining. The key with this strategy is to identify those who will consistently outplay others at the position and to get one of them without reaching. Otherwise, kickers outside of the very elite are very much alike in terms of average weekly output and you'd be better served scooping up some value picks that may be slipping as those others grab the kickers that would provide said advantage.

THE TOP 5

1. Nick Folk, Dallas Cowboys (32/41 FG, 56 PAT) — Folk is, without a doubt, the top guy here. He is the perfect storm of accuracy, leg strength, and opportunity playing for a team featuring a very high-powered offense. While he may seem to lose some value due to the high scoring rate Dallas has enjoyed over the past few seasons, don't be fooled by this perception. The Cowboys struggle at times in the red zone, primarily due to their affinity for the pass, which will leave Folk with plenty of chances to convert.

2. Nate Kaeding, San Diego Chargers (31/38, 48) — Kaeding is a tough guy to figure. His performance in the league has been very up-and-down. However, his leg strength is amazing, he has shown some icy nerves, and once again his team situation serves him very, very well. Many will have Kaeding ranked lower than this, but with a banged up Antonio Gates sure to get off to a slow start, look for the Chargers to struggle a bit to get into the end zone early in the year, leading to a fist full of Kaeding chip-shots.

3. Mason Crosby, Green Bay Packers (36/42, 32) — Without Brett Favre and with a year of game film on Ryan Grant, Green Bay may well have a very difficult time scoring points. They should have less issues moving the football, however, as their offensive scheme lends itself to picking up yardage without necessarily creating big-play opportunities. This bodes well for any kicker, and Crosby is as solid a young option as the league has. His accuracy even on the "frozen tundra of Lambeau Field" is a reassuring feature to have in a kicker, and you could do far worse than landing Crosby on draft day. The added bonus here is he won't be on the less savvy owners' radar screens, so he is a good bet to fall to right where you want him.

4. Adam Vinatieri, Indianapolis Colts (29/39, 51) — Like Dallas and to a lesser extent San Diego, the Colts' offense provides many a chance for the accurate Vinatieri. While leg strength is clearly becoming an issue for Adam, he is still as clutch a guy as there is and is very accurate inside 40 yards. If your league gives bonus points for field goal distance, than perhaps consider dropping Vinatieri down a notch or two, but not too far, as he is a sure thing to get opportunities.

5. Stephen Gostkowski, New England Patriots (27/38, 52) — While I feel very strongly that he is overrated as a kicker, the reality is Gostkowski plays for the Patriots and the Patriots have one of the premier offenses in the league. I'm quick to share that I see the Patriots realizing a significant drop-off in output this season; however, that would still leave them as one of the higher scoring teams in the league, so it certainly doesn't negatively impact the standing of their kicker. Be cautious on Gostkowski if your league penalizes for misses as he has shown a tendency to rush through easy kicks at times, pushing them wide.

THE BEST OF THE REST

6. Shayne Graham, Cincinnati Bengals (29/34, 43)
7. Rob Bironas, Tennessee Titans (31/37, 33)
8. Josh Scobee, Jacksonville Jaguars (26/32, 46)
9. Phil Dawson, Cleveland Browns (28/34, 39)
10. Jeff Reed, Pittsburgh Steelers (24/29, 47)
11. Neil Rackers, Arizona Cardinals (28/35, 35)
12. Kris Brown, Houston Texans (25/32, 41)
13. Ryan Longwell, Minnesota Vikings (25/30, 40)
14. Matt Prater, Denver Broncos (26/30, 36)
15. David Akers, Philadelphia Eagles (25/31, 38)

TAKE A CHANCE ON: Taylor Mehlhaff/Martin Gramatica, New Orleans Saints: The Saints fit that mold of teams with powerhouse offenses that may struggle in the red zone. Factor in the always perfect dome conditions at home and the whichever Saints' kicker wins the job may have a breakout season in the Big Easy. If it turns out you miss out on your targeted guy, wait to the final round of your draft and don't be afraid to scoop up whichever turns out to be the opening weekend starter.

STAY FAR AWAY FROM: Josh Brown, St. Louis Rams: Signs of the ex-Seahawks' demise were clear late last season. He struggled mightily at times, and moving to a team that looks to be one of the very worst in football won't help his numbers out one bit. Brown is one of those guys who has name recognition and plays in a kicker-friendly domed environment, but don't think that he is a safe bet just because of those factors as he is far from it.

TEAM DEFENSE/SPECIAL TEAMS UNITS

As was stated in the opening, team defensive/special teams units won't get too much press here. Having spent most of my fantasy football career utilizing the more dynamic approach of having individual defensive player (IDP) selections, I am far from an expert in sizing up what exactly separates a dominant unit from an average one. However, with the exhaustive review I performed on my IDP selections, I was able to glean some information that proved valuable in putting together the most valued team units. Additionally, since my rankings take into account special team performances (my league scores individual players on their special team contributions), I was able to apply that info to the team defense to come up with what I feel is an accurate list of the top groups for 2008.

THE TOP 5

1. Chicago Bears — May be a very traditional selection here, but their defense is certainly poised for a comeback after last season's disappointing outcome. Their linebacking corps is still as good a unit as there is and Adewale Ogunleye and Mark Anderson are a dynamic pass-rushing tandem. While I certainly don't need to put it in print, I will anyway: Devin Hester is the premier return man in the game.

2. Jacksonville Jaguars — The Jags are an underrated force to be reckoned with in the AFC South. Their defense is fast to the ball and filled with superb tacklers, even if there aren't a lot of big names features. Look for a breakout season from FS Reggie Nelson, who may well lead the NFL in picks as he has great defensive instincts and a nose for the ball. With Northcutt returning punts and the mercurial Maurice Jones-Drew handling kick return duties, their special teams value gets them lots of extra points.

3. San Diego Chargers — Even with an sub-100% Shawne Merriman (who, as of writing of this article has decided to play hurt), the Chargers are a fast-moving, aggressive defense. They will give up some big plays, but they also will turn some in themselves. Antonio Cromartie is the single most dynamic cornerback in football and will again prove his worth in 2008. They get lots of sacks, lots of picks, and score points, but don't expect them to turn in shut-down types of performances in terms of yards allowed and points given up. Darren Sproles creates additional value in the return game making the Bolts a very solid pick on draft day.

4. Baltimore Ravens — Many think this team defense has taken its turn and is clearly on the downswing. While this may be true, they were well ahead of the pack pre-downswing so the fact they've lost a bit of luster off their diamond doesn't necessarily doom them as a selection. Their special teams are adequate, but their real strength will be in yards and points allowed as they should consistently hold opponents in check. Too bad their offense will once again be lousy, or else the Ravens might be a dangerous team.

5. Green Bay Packers — While the Packers will be a far less effective offensive team as they transition into the Aaron Rodgers/Ryan Grant years, their defense has some serious chops. Al Harris and Charles Woodson are a good tandem in the defensive backfield as there is in the game today. Their front seven gets good pressure on the opposing QB and they tackle decently, though not flawlessly. All-in-all, they should give up a low number of points, acceptably low yardage totals, and they'll make enough plays to give you the occasional huge week. Their return game is good, not great.

THE BEST OF THE REST

6. Minnesota Vikings
7. Tennessee Titans
8. Pittsburgh Steelers
9. New York Giants
10. Carolina Panthers

TAKE A CHANCE ON: Dallas Cowboys: While their secondary is still very much a liability in terms of hard-nosed pass coverage, they put a lot of pressure on opposing offenses. They will give up big plays and will give up tons of points on some days, but the plays they make will give you some high-scoring weeks and their return game, featuring the recently re-instated Adam Jones, will buoy the unit.

STAY FAR AWAY FROM: New England Patriots: This defensive unit was stout in '07, as was the rest of the team en route to their improbably 16-0 regular season record. But their cornerbacks are a particularly weak duo, Rodney Harrison has seen better days as a coverage safety and they are clearly will not be able to attack as regularly without giving up huge chunks of green. A solid return game may lull you into thinking this is a great unit to have, especially based on the laurels they earned last season, but look for a precipitous fall from grace for this overrated unit.

IDP (Individual Defensive Players)

When it comes to individual defensive players, they are pretty much what they are. Keeping this in mind, writing a blurb about each makes little sense, as the strengths of the players are pretty standard across the pool of players at each position. Additionally, it is very difficult to determine actual tackle numbers, so rather than add all that statistical mumbo jumbo, this list is plain and simple; the relative value of each player is accounted for and represented versus those others at his position.

In terms of when to start drafting defenders, anything sooner than round six is a reach, and truly only linebackers warrant any pick before round 10. The best linebackers are those on teams that have poor offenses as this translates to lots of chances for those players to pickup tackles. Defensive linemen have some value, but don't overvalue the one-dimensional pass rush specialists as they will leave you high and dry in many weeks. Defensive backs should be avoided except for the top half-dozen or so and even those individuals should be drafted nearer round 15. When looking at a defensive back, try to grab one with some value in the return game or from a team with traditionally poor tackling among the front seven, as it will lead to more tackles for the safeties and corners.

TOP LINEBACKERS

1. Patrick Willis, San Francisco 49ers (1 overall IDP)
2. David Harris, New York Jets (2)
3. DeMeco Ryans, Houston Texans (3)
4. DeMarcus Ware, Dallas Cowboys (5)
5. Brian Urlacher, Chicago Bears (6)
6. Lofa Tatupu, Seattle Seahawks (7)
7. Mike Peterson, Jacksonville Jaguars (8)
8. Shawne Merriman, San Diego Chargers (9)
9. London Fletcher, Washington Redskins (11)
10. Channing Crowder, Miami Dolphins (12)
11. Paul Posluszny, Buffalo Bills (13)
12. Jon Beason, Carolina Panthers (14)
13. Kirk Morrison, Oakland Raiders (15)
14. E.J. Henderson, Minnesota Vikings (16)
15. A.J. Hawk, Green Bay Packers (18)
16. Nick Barnett, Green Bay Packers (19)
17. Barrett Ruud, Tampa Bay Buccaneers (22)
18. Keith Bullock, Tennessee Titans (23)
19. Will Witherspoon, St. Louis Rams (24)
20. Karlos Dansby, Arizona Cardinals (25)
21. Ernie Sims, Detroit Lions (27)
22. Gary Brackett, Indianapolis Colts (28)
23. James Harrison, Pittsburgh Steelers (29)
24. Lance Briggs, Chicago Bears (36)
25. Ray Lewis, Baltimore Ravens (38)

TOP DEFENSIVE LINEMEN

1. Jared Allen, Minnesota Vikings (4)
2. Adewale Ogunleye, Chicago Bears (20)
3. Mario Williams, Houston Texans (21)
4. Aaron Kampman, Green Bay Packers (26)
5. Trent Cole, Philadelphia Eagles (33)
6. Julius Peppers, Carolina Panthers (34)
7. Justin Tuck, New York Giants (37)
8. Patrick Kerney, Seattle Seahawks (39)
9. Kyle Vanden Bosch, Tennessee Titans (40)
10. Aaron Schobel, Buffalo Bills (41)
11. Tamba Hali, Kansas City Chiefs (42)
12. Will Smith, New Orleans Saints (43)
13. Elvis Dumervil, Denver Broncos (47)
14. Andre Carter, Washington Redskins (49)
15. Jason Taylor, Washington Redskins (55)

TOP DEFENSIVE BACKS

1. Adrian Wilson, Arizona Cardinals (10)
2. Sean Jones, Cleveland Browns (17)
3. Antonio Cromartie, San Diego Chargers (30)
4. Reggie Nelson, Jacksonville Jaguars (31)
5. Kerry Rhodes, New York Jets (32)
6. Roman Harper, New Orleans Saints (35)
7. Antoine Winfield, Minnesota Vikings (44)
8. Charles Woodson, Green Bay Packers (45)
9. Troy Polamalu, Pittsburgh Steelers (46)
10. Champ Bailey, Denver Broncos (48)
11. Gibril Wilson, Oakland Raiders (50)
12. Terrence McGee, Buffalo Bills (51)
13. Brian Dawkins, Philadelphia Eagles (52)
14. Richard Marshall, Carolina Panthers (53)
15. Bob Sanders, Indianapolis Colts (54)

There you have it, the final bit of information that will help you get on your way to fantasy football glory!

Best of luck to all who participate in a league in 2008 and beyond and check back mid-year as I review my picks against what has actually gone down in the season to date.

Posted by Matt Thomas at 11:50 AM | Comments (5)

Ladies Battle For No. 1 in NY

As the first week of the U.S. Open is nearing its end, I am enjoying one of my favorite weekends of the year. An extended weekend, courtesy of Labor Day, for which I plan in advance, by getting my pizzas and beverages from my favorite grocery store, keeping the home-food delivery numbers nearby, and keeping my dogs off my favorite couch so that I can have it at my full disposition, all in the name of fully enjoying the endless hours of U.S. Open tennis coverage on TV.

Initially, I was planning to write about the men's draw where, quite frankly, most of the good matches have taken place. Every seeded player, other than Rafael Nadal and Roger Federer, have been pushed hard. We have had some dramatic five-set matches, some expected surprises, and the continued rise of a few in-form players such as Juan Martin Del Potro and Gale Monfils. Last, but not the least, unlike the other Slams, there are still enough Americans alive in the tournament to keep the patriotic portion of the U.S. Open crowd stirring with passion. However, in terms of the bigger picture, the women's draw is offering a rare storyline.

I have followed the sport of tennis for a long time. Yet I can't remember a time where the top spot has been within reach of so many players during a Slam tournament. Of course, the stunning upset of the top seed Ana Ivanovic had something to do with it, but there is even one strange, twisted scenario in which she could still end up holding on to her top ranking after the U.S. Open.

At first glance, Serena Williams seems like the most likely player to become number one at the end of the week. And believe me when I say that I am using the term "most likely" in a very loose manner. The scenario is a simple one: Serena wins the U.S. Open, she becomes number one. Serena can also reach number one by getting to the finals, as long as Jelena Jankovic or Elena Dementieva do not win the title. While her situation is similar to Dementieva or Jankovic, in that winning the title puts her to the top, we call this the most likely scenario because, unlike Jankovic and Dementieva, Serena has won the title before, twice. In her draw looms one monumental hurdle: her sister, Venus Williams.

The second seed, Jelena Jankovic, recently said that she wants to reach number one so badly that she can almost "smell it." Well, her mouth must really be watering now, because just like Serena, all she has to do in order to reach the apogee of WTA rankings is win the title in New York. She does not have Venus, Serena, or Amelie Mauresmo on her side of the draw, but she does have confidence problems (at least according to her) and has not won a Slam title yet. Similar to Serena, Jelena can also reach number one if she loses in the finals, as long as Serena is not the winner of the tournament.

But wait a second ... it's not over yet! There are the two Russians who can also "smell it": Elena Dementieva and Dinara Safina.

Elena Dementieva, the gold medal winner at the Olympic Games, also has the number one ranking within her grasp. Just like Jankovic and Serena Williams, she needs to win the title to reach number one. Furthermore, just like the other two, she can still reach number one by simply getting to the finals. But unlike the other two, her scenario gets much more complicated if she does not win the title match. In that case, she must count on Jankovic not being part of the final four, plus Serena Williams and Dinara Safina must not win the title.

Dinara Safina, another player who could reach number one at the end of the U.S. Open, needs a bit more help. It is not enough that she wins the title, but she must also win it in the finals against a player other than Jelena Jankovic. Just like the previous three, a finals appearance may even suffice for Safina, as long as Dementieva does not win the title and that Jankovic loses in the quarterfinals against Sybille Bammer of Austria.

Confusing enough? Sorry, but there is still one more. Ana Ivanovic, amazingly enough, could still remain number one. Chances are the same as Alex Rodriguez closing his career with a World Series championship, but it is possible, hence we will mention it. Hey, it's almost like rocket science, so don't bust your head over it. Just know that Jankovic and Williams must lose in the quarters, and Dementieva and Safina must lose before the final day. Say no more!

With so many candidates for a top spot, no matter the intricacies of the outcomes, it is captivating enough a storyline to cling on to the monopoly of the remote control at home, and watch the ladies battle it out for the top spot. From this point on, the drama level should increase quickly, as well as the quality of the matches. When there are more players chasing the same goal, it's only natural. Bring it on, ladies!

Posted by Mert Ertunga at 11:27 AM | Comments (4)