I once had the greatest year in fantasy football history. At the time, we picked the order out of a hat. I ended up drawing the number one pick. I wasn't entirely happy with the first overall pick, as I've never been a fan of only getting one of the top 24 players.
But, as Bill Belichick would say, it was what it was.
With the first overall pick, I took Rams running back Marshall Faulk. Later in the draft, I grabbed his replacement in Indianapolis, Edgerrin James. I snagged Ike Bruce with the 24th pick.
After barely squeaking out Week 1, I made the move the made my season. I picked up a little-known quarterback by the name of Kurt Warner out of the free agent pool.
The rest, as they say, is fantasy football history.
Bill Simmons says that an undefeated season is the holy grail of fantasy football. That season, I found the holy grail.
Ever since then, I've been trying to find that magic again. I've won some leagues, lost in others. So last season, I went back to the drawing board.
I didn't exactly find the holy grail, but I'm more than confident that my methods, some new and some old, work.
So for you, my loyal Sports Central readers, I share the secrets to fantasy football success.
Rule #1: Get your running backs early.
Randy Moss, Tom Brady, Tony Romo ... all fantastic players who put up huge numbers last season. But I still wouldn't draft any of them in the first round — and maybe not in the second.
Rank the NFL running backs, one through 12. When it's your turn, pick the highest rated of the group that's left. Do not even look at another position until all 12 of those running backs are gone.
Rule #2: You need starters, stupid!
It may sound dumb, but you can only start so many players at each position. What good is it to have a high-rated backup running back when you have scrap-heap quality wide receivers actually playing for you every week?
Make sure you fill out your entire starting team, with the obvious exception of the kicker (which we'll get to later), before you start drafting backups. Depth is great in the NFL, it's doesn't mean anything in fantasy football. You only get points for the guys who play every week.
Rule #3: After running backs, draft based on scoring system.
If your scoring system is friendly to quarterbacks, grab one right after your top 12 running backs are gone. If you're wide receiver-friendly, grab one of them.
You can't always draft by the book. Not every league scores the same. Make sure you fully understand the scoring system prior to your draft.
Last season, my big money league decided to implement big bonuses for long completions. This made quarterbacks the highest scoring position in the league. The players who figured this out and grabbed a good quarterback early all made the playoffs. The guys who drafted by the book all missed the playoffs.
Rule #4: Beware of the defensive rush!
Don't be the first to grab a defense, but once they start leaping off the board (and they usually do in succession) make sure you grab one before all of the good defenses are gone!
Defense/special teams can make or break you in close games. Don't be the guy stuck choosing between the Chiefs and the 49ers defense every week.
Rule #5: Kickers all suck.
Don't draft a kicker until the last round. If you draft a kicker before the last round, you're a moron.
Only draft one kicker. On the bye week, drop him and pickup another kicker. Kickers are all the same. On any given week, any given kicker can put up decent points. It's impossible to predict. So don't try. Just throw anyone out there and hope for the best.
Better to have an extra running back or wide receiver to play with anyway.
Rule #6: Be obnoxious.
Do what you can to throw everyone else in the room off their game. Taunt, laugh, make jokes (especially at the expense of the moron who drafts a kicker in the fifth round), throw people off their game. Make them feel bad about every pick they make, even if you desperately wanted the guy they took.
And always, always talk about how much you love your team. Don't ever admit your team stinks, even if it's blatantly obvious.
Rule #7) Championships are won and lost after the draft
Nobody finishes the season with the roster they drafted. Waiver wire pickups and shrewd trades can turn a poorly-drafted team into a fantasy football champion.
Most importantly, have fun!
Fantasy football is about hanging out with friends, watching football, making a little money, and drinking way too much beer. Don't take it too seriously, and remember: there's always next year!
Unless you're the guy who drafted a kicker in the sixth round. Then you might as well give up, because you're never going to win.
Ever.
Sean Crowe is a senior writer for Bleacher Report and writes a column for Sports Central every other Thursday. You can read more articles by Sean Crowe on his blog.
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