In my last column, I wrote about announcers and declared it "Part 1" of a series. There will be Parts 2 and 3 (or just two if I'm insufficiently verbose in where I plan to take it), but this week, something else has captured my attention.
I've been late in weighing in on stories before, but this one takes the cake. The incident in question took place on November 10th, and I just somehow missed it, despite being the big college football guy you know I am. I found it just now browsing the archives at The Wizard of Odds.
I highly recommend that you watch this segment. First, it's a noticeably well-produced piece for a local newscast as they segue seamlessly from highlights of the game to the controversy, where they get good sound bites from the subjects involved, and mash them in a sort of informal point/counterpoint.
Second, is there anything this story and video doesn't have? Guarantees! Indecent gestures! Unsportsmanlike play! Angry players! Players on the verge of tears!
At the center of it all (in case you can't or don't want to launch the video) is Wyoming coach Joe Glenn, who guaranteed a win before a game with Utah.
Not only did they not win, they got abused 50-0, and that included Utah making an onside kick attempt up 43-0 in the third quarter. Glenn reacted to that by giving the Utah bench the one-finger salute, a move which got him reprimanded by the Mountain West Conference.
Another great thing about this saga is while I am definitely siding with one of the combatants of this dispute, I can really see it both ways. Good pretzel-and-beer argument fodder.
So which is worse, the guarantee and middle finger by Glenn, or Utah's coach Kyle Whittingham ordering the onside kick with the game's outcome no longer in doubt?
Again, I encourage you to watch the tape, because the reactions on both sides really told the story for me. The first thing to mention is Glenn made these comments at a "student luncheon," which I imagine is something like a pep rally and one of the most benign, understandable places to make a guarantee. It's not like he called a press conference and said, "I guarantee we're gonna beat Utah!"
Second, he delivers one of the more sincere-sounding apologies I've heard a sports figure make, a far cry from the usual I-know-I-let-my-teammates-and-our-fans-down android cue card reading we usually get:
"I got pretty emotional Monday at a luncheon with some students, got my big Irish mouth going, and probably like to (gestures stuffing something into his mouth) have it all back in here now. But you go find the crow, I'll eat it."
He denies even remembering flicking off the Utes, although he seems to grant that's something he might have done in his emotionally-charged state. All in all, he seems genuinely at peace and to have truly put the whole matter behind him.
Now, whether a coach who just lost 50-0 hours ago should sound at peace is a column for another day. But compare his tone to that of Utah's coach, Kyle Whittingham. Whittingham comes off as just a huge douche, in this writer's opinion. Obviously, Glenn's antics still bother him. Whether they should still bother him after he just won 50-0 is a column for another day.
But my biggest gripe with Whittingham is not his tone, but the content of several of his comments.
"I think Coach Glenn is a good man. I respect him. But again, you know, it drives me nuts. People say things all the time and all of the sudden, it just seems to disappear. When instead of getting called out and you know, being held accountable, it just kind of goes by the wayside. It happens a lot, in a lot of areas, from a lot of different people, and it bothers me."
Kindly, but WTF is Whittingham talking about? We love it when players and coaches make guarantees and we are always there to call them out when they talk smack and don't deliver. Hell, Joe Glenn isn't even the only Glenn to do it.
I'll give Whittingham this, though. He practices what he preaches. He almost says he went for the onside kick because Glenn made the guarantee, but stops short and then does an angry reversal, saying he did it because it was still the third quarter, and "you don't shut it down in the third quarter. When do you want to shut it down?"
"Well, onside kick? Typically, we don't do things like that, but coach Glenn had made a guarantee, so he must've known something I didn't about the outcome of the game.
"So to keep things rolling in our favor, we scouted it, it was there, still the third quarter (about here is where his tone rises a degree of douchery) and I don't believe you ever call the dogs off in the third quarter, but, uh, you know, it was there.
"(Three more degrees here) No, just playing football. It was the third quarter. When do you want to shut it down? It was the third quarter. You don't shut it down in the third quarter."
So instead of saying "We went for the onside kick to teach Joe Glenn a lesson," a statement he might be held accountable for, he gives us a huge, huge line of BS.
Where to begin? Kicking away up 43-0 is "shutting it down?" Afraid you need to keep Wyoming off the field so they don't get the ball and score those six touchdowns and a two-pointer? You don't ever shut it down in the third quarter? What if you're 70-0? Shouldn't whether you "shut it down" or not be dictated at least somewhat by the score?
Cutting through Whittingham's evasive nonsense, you're left with a "two wrongs make a right" retaliation. That's what the onside kick was. Except when it comes to poor sportsmanship, an onside kick up 43 points trumps telling your rabid student section that you guarantee a win by a wide margin.
I hope the Cowboys return the favor in Laramie next year. And I look forward to Whittingham's douchbaggy comments that are sure to follow in the postgame press conference either way.
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