The Knicks need help. And I can tell you exactly how to fix the team.
Hire Bill Simmons.
No, really. I'm serious. Just give me a chance to justify.
I promise you this has nothing to do with trying to get Simmons to notice my obvious talent, and maybe get me a job at ESPN. Imagine that lineup: Bill Simmons, Rick Reilly, and Alvin Chang. Sports Illustrated would have no chance against us.
And I promise this has nothing to do with the irony of proposing that the ultimate Boston guy take over a team located in Midtown Manhattan.
But this does have to do with giving credit where credit is due.
Thoreau had existentialism, Marx had communism, Smith had capitalism, Beane had moneyball and, now, Simmons has chemacterility.
If you've read the column, you know what it is.
In his words: "It's an amalgam of three concepts that have formed the foundation of the Duncan era in San Antonio: chemistry, character and (cap) flexibility."
In laymen's terms, it's the guide to winning in the NBA ... for now.
As Simmons pointed out, look at the dominant teams of the last decade, San Antonio and Detroit. They score very high on this chemacterility scale.
The Knicks and Blazers, on the other hand, are like a rich girl who just ran over a 4-year-old on a bike — through as much money as you can at the problem, come to court showing off that rocking body of yours, and hope for the best.
Never works.
The surprise teams this season have been the Hornets and the Blazers. Let's make a case study out of these two teams.
Portland Trailblazers
The last time Portland had a winning record was in the 2002-2003 season. They were 47-35, but they were an aging team. They were kind of like the stock market a few years ago: You knew it was going up now, but it was going to fall, and fall hard, very soon.
The team had Scottie Pippen, Arvydas Sabonis, and Rasheed Wallace to anchor a team into the playoffs. Pippen and Sabonis made the chemistry work, but they were obviously short on character and cap flexibility, with almost all their key players having bloated contracts.
Then the inevitable fall happened.
Pippen and Sabonis retired, and Mr. Personified Cancer, Darius Miles, joined the team. The next year, they finished .500.
Wallace was shipped out, and the team was led by surprise forward Zach Randolph and straight-from-high school youngsters Sebastian Telfair and Miles.
27-55.
It got worse. They drafted Travis Outlaw and Martell Webster the next two years — both of whom entered the draft out of high school.
21-61.
Their chemecterabilty was so bad that Rasheed Wallace would have improved their team's character and chemistry. Luckily, all the guys who didn't fit into their puzzle could be shipped out because of the third part of Simmons' brilliant
Then, finally, it happened.
Goodbye, Darius Miles. Travis Outlaw and Martell Webster, meet bench.
Welcome to Portland, Jarrett Jack, LaMarcus Aldridge, and Brandon Roy. And along with the three of them, welcome Mr. Character.
Year One of this new era was tough. Growing pains, you know. But that means the team is developing chemistry. And that also means the team gets a chance to determine what kind of character these players have.
Turns out Roy and Aldridge are good "character" guys.
And when you're a good guy, good things just happen to you ... like landing the No. 1 overall pick in the draft and getting Greg Oden.
Unfortunately, the Blazers lost Oden to injury this year, but guess what? Next year, they might just be one of the best teams in the league, especially since Aldridge will develop further with Oden on the bench.
The Blazers are a good example of how bad character and chemistry can ruin a team. And a great example of how these things can make a great team. Oh, and this year, they are on pace for about 50 wins.
New Orleans Hornets
The Hornets had an interesting situation in the 2002-03 season with Baron Davis and Jamal Mashburn. It looked as if the team was pretty good, and with a few extra pieces, they could make a run deep into the playoffs.
But remember the last part of Simmon's theory: cap flexibility.
Davis, Mashburn, and Jamal Magloire all had big contract that were hard to move. And although the team didn't have character issues, the chemistry was poor because any team with Baron Davis suffers chemistry problems. (He just doesn't seem to play within an offense.)
The team went from 47-35 in 2002-03 to 41-41 in 2003-04.
Then came the crash. In 2004-05, Davis, Lee Nailon, and J.R. Smith led the team to an 18-64 record. That team failed when it came to character and chemistry issues. Oh, and the talent part didn't work out so well, either.
So the Hornets decided to start over in 2005-06. They traded Davis for a few sticks of gum, and drafted Chris Paul. Then David West began to emerge after spending much time on the bench, and he was a great when it came to all three parts of chemacterility.
38-44.
In 2006-07, Smith was traded with veteran P.J. Brown for Tyson Chandler, and Peja Stojakovic was signed.
39-43.
Everyone the Hornets were signing and trading for were high-character players. And they were building a team, not throwing together the best players money can buy. Once Chris Paul came back from injury for the 2007-08 season, and Tyson Chandler emerged as one of the top centers in the league, this team was ready to dominate.
And they are doing just that.
This season, they are on pace for almost 60 wins. And they look eerily like the Detroit Pistons from a few years ago — tough defense, solid point guard play, and players who will not do anything stupid to cause distractions. Also, the chemistry is incredible. I see a lack of chemistry as a clashing of talent, and there is none of that going on here.
And as for the Knicks, let's try to describe them. Bad defense, poor point guard play, players who do stupid things, and too much talent clashing on the court.
So can Simmon's fix the Knicks? Probably. But would he?
There's no chance in hell.
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