NASCAR Top 10 Power Rankings: Week 34

Note: the quotes in this article are fictional.

1. Jimmie Johnson — Johnson passed Matt Kenseth with three laps left in Texas to capture his third-straight win in the Chase. Johnson trailed Jeff Gordon by nine heading in to the Dickies 500; now, he leads by 30.

"Top Jimmie cooks, Top Jimmie swings," says Johnson. "I've got the look. Top Jimmie, he's the king. If there's any driver out there who thinks he can take this lead from me, he might as well jump, or forever hold his peace."

2. Jeff Gordon — The remainder of Gordon's points lead evaporated in the dry air of Texas, as an ill-handling car left him unable to challenge the advances of the hard-charging Jimmie Johnson, who took the checkered and the points lead. Gordon trails Johnson by 30 as the Chase heads to Phoenix, where Gordon won in the spring.

"Jimmie's had nothing but good luck lately," says Gordon. "So he's due for some bad luck. All it takes is one loose lugnut, one flat tire, one sabotaged inspection, or one used baby diaper conveniently placed under the driver's seat."

3. Clint Bowyer — Bowyer was forced to make two green-flag pit stops to correct a tire vibration, which cost him two laps. He finished 19th, and remains third in the points, 181 behind Johnson.

"Okay, so maybe it's down to a two-man race between Johnson and Gordon," says Bowyer. "There's three races to go, one championship to be had, and 41 other cars in the way."

4. Kyle Busch — Busch led the most laps, 153, in Texas, but fell short in the end, finishing fourth. He moves up two spots in the points to fourth, where he trails Jimmie Johnson by 339 points.

"Jimmie's built a Texas-sized lead over me," says Busch. "But he looks like a Texas-sized goofball in a ten-gallon hat and a pair of six-shooters. Somethings just don't go together, much like Michael Waltrip and driving."

5. Kurt Busch — The elder Busch fought back from one lap down to finish eighth in the Dickie's 500. He's ninth in the points, 453 out of first.

"A little birdie told me I was her favorite driver named 'Busch,'" says Busch. "Or maybe that was just my mother giving me the finger. She's actually a closest Jimmie Spencer fan."

6. Tony Stewart — Stewart battled handling conditions all day in Texas, but willed his way to an 11th in the Dickies 500. Stewart fell one spot to sixth in the points, where he is 373 out of first.

"I wasn't happy with the car and I let it know how I felt," says Stewart. "The No. 20 Chevy is about the only thing with which I can speak freely and not offend. I did notice the 'Pay Fine' light came on after a particularly expletive-laced tirade on lap 176 when the dang car wouldn't turn out of turn three."

7. Jeff Burton — Burton was unable to duplicate his spring win in Texas, instead crossing the line in a solid sixth. Burton is seventh in the points, a distant 431 behind Jimmie Johnson.

"The Vegas odds are out," says Burton. "If you're willing to bet $1,000,000 to win $1, then place your bets for a Hendrick driver to win the Cup."

8. Carl Edwards — Edwards struggled all day in Texas, finishing three laps down after issues with his sway bar led to multiple stops for adjustments. He finished 26th and drops a spot in the standings to fifth, 357 out of first.

"I didn't run too well on Sunday," says Edwards. "But I did clinch the Busch Series title on Saturday. I was, however, kind of disappointed that all I win for that is a Burger King crown and a case of beer."

9. Martin Truex, Jr. — Truex started on the pole, led 16 early laps, and finished third in Texas. He is now 11th in the point standings, 524 out of first.

"I think it's time to start looking ahead to next year," says Truex. "I'm looking forward to Daytona, but I'm even more looking forward to the 'Bruton Smith: I Own This Track' 400 at New Hampshire."

10. Matt Kenseth — Kenseth led 44 laps, but could not repel the advances of Jimmie Johnson as the race neared its end. Johnson passed with three laps to go, and Kenseth had to settle for second, which was still his best result of the Chase.

"Sure, not winning is disappointing," says Kenseth, "but I can be happy with a second-place finish. I was happy to be the top Roush Fenway racing finisher, and even more happy that I didn't flinch when Carl Edwards offered me a high five."