NASCAR Top 10 Power Rankings: Week 31

Note: the quotes in this article are fictional.

1. Jeff Gordon — Gordon and his fuel tank held off a charging Clint Bowyer to win in Charlotte, Gordon's sixth win of the year. He now leads the points by 68 over Jimmie Johnson, 78 over Bowyer, and at least two country miles over the rest of the field.

"I didn't run out of gas," says Gordon, "and hopefully I won't run out of luck. I'm living a charmed life. I guess there's a lot you can say about being in the right place at the right time. How else can you explain me hooking up with a model?"

2. Jimmie Johnson — Johnson was making a strong run to the front with 104 laps remaining when he spun on the backstretch. He stayed off the wall, but fell to 30th after pitting for minor repairs and finished 14th.

"I'd like to say I could blame my spin on something besides my own error," says Johnson, "so I'm gonna go chat with Tony Stewart and get some names of the 'blamable.' Honestly, I guess I got a little ahead of myself. My car was so good, I could almost taste victory. Unfortunately, I started my victory burnout a little too early."

3. Clint Bowyer — Bowyer was unable to get by Jeff Gordon on the green-white-checkered restart and had to settle for another second-place finish. Three of Bowyer's five top-five finishes this year have come during the Chase, and he sits solidly at third in the points, 78 behind Gordon and only 10 behind Jimmie Johnson in second.

"More and more fans are starting to recognize me now that I've made an impact in the Chase," says Bowyer. "Why, just the other day, someone said to me, 'Aren't you the guy that drives that Jack Daniels car?'"

4. Tony Stewart — Stewart collided with Kasey Kahne in the pits, suffering fender damage, but still managing a seventh-place finish. Stewart is now 198 points out of first and close to conceding his chances for the Cup.

"You want a concession speech?" says Stewart. "I'll give you one, but first you have to turn all cameras and all recording devices off, and sign this waiver promising that you won't repeat any of the profanity you're about to hear."

5. Kyle Busch — Busch finished third in Charlotte behind Jeff Gordon and Clint Bowyer to rebound from his wreck at Talladega two weeks ago. Gordon and Busch were running 1-2 late in the race when car owner Rick Hendrick advised both to "be smart" and "not wreck each other."

"I wonder if Rick's orders would have been the same had I been in first and Jeff was behind me?" asks Busch. "I think I still would have been asked not to wreck us, but I also would have been asked to politely and quietly pull to the side and let Jeff by. I would, of course, have done it discreetly, so not to alarm anyone who may have accused us of executing 'team orders.' Come on. This isn't Formula 1. It's every man for himself, unless you happen to be the soon-to-be former teammate of the driver who's leading the points."

6. Carl Edwards — Edwards and crew battled all night, benefitting from fifteen cautions that allowed multiple adjustments, and ended the night in fifth place. Edwards moved up one spot to fifth in the points, where he trails Jeff Gordon by 240.

"I'm not out of this yet," says Edwards. "A win or two, coupled with a few wrecks by those guys ahead of me, and I'm in business. And I've got the perfect bait for wrecks: Matt Kenseth."

7. Kurt Busch — Busch survived a pit road collision with Mark Martin, but fought his way back and was running in the top five when he lost a cylinder. He finished 26th and is now 315 points behind Jeff Gordon.

"Penske definitely had the cars to win in Charlotte," says Busch, "but not the engines. I didn't realize we too had an engine deal with Dale Earnhardt Incorporated."

8. Jeff Burton — Burton's fourth in the Bank of America was his best finish of the Chase, and he moved from last to tenth in the points, 366 out of first.

"As a native of South Boston, Virginia," says Burton, "all I have to say is 'Go Red Sox!,' 'Go Patriots!,' and 'Go Ward Burton!'"

9. Martin Truex, Jr. — Truex was running seventh when the race was red-flagged on lap 324. When the race restarted under caution, Truex somehow missed pit road and dropped 10 positions when he pitted under green. He finished 17th and fell to 11th in the points, 378 off of Jeff Gordon's leading pace.

"I urge all congressional aides to update their inoculations should they plan on attending a NASCAR race," says Truex. "That's good, sound advice to ensure the health and safety of congressional aides. And so is this piece of advice: if you're a congressional aides attending a NASCAR event, keep that piece of information to yourself. Otherwise, instead of disease, an ass-kicking will be your problem."

10. Denny Hamlin — Hamlin finished 20th in Charlotte, and has only one top-10 finish in the Chase (a fourth at Talladega). He is ninth in the points, 349 out of first.

"It looks like my teammate and pal Tony Stewart had another pit lane run-in with Paul Menard," says Hamlin. "Tony leads all drivers in pit road incidents this year. I'd say it's a safe bet that Menard's car will feel Stewart's front bumper, then the wall, in that order this Sunday in Martinsville."