Christmas is coming. No, not December 25. I mean that metaphorical Christmas for every college fan in the country. The thing about it is that it seems forever, from the bowls to spring practice, then until the All-Star Break, time slows to a crawl.
Then a funny thing happens. All of the sudden, time speeds up. Something keeps your attention at work for a week or two, and before you know it, you are staring down the barrel of a manageable week-and-a-half wait until the first Saturday of the season. That's right, we are getting into single digits on the countdown.
So as we nervously pass the time before we finally get that withdrawal curing hit of cheerleaders, fight songs, and student sections, I thought about what awaits, and came to a few forecasts of what was going to happen in the first few weeks of the season.
That collective preemptive yawn came from week one. We all get to watch the equivalent of a 18-wheeler colliding with a go-cart when national powerhouses play the likes of Appalachian State, Youngstown State, Florida International, East Carolina, the Westerns of Michigan and Kentucky, Arkansas State, and Montana State. Wake me when the bloodbaths are over. Honestly, Hollywood couldn't craft a script ridiculous enough to make these games interesting. Even the writers for Battlefield Earth thought it too far fetched.
Ah, but it isn't all bad ... that Monday Florida State plays Clemson. Not bad. But from there it declines into a Kansas State at Auburn, Washington State at Wisconsin hopeless prayer for an upset bid. Meaning the only game truly worth watching will be the one marquee matchup to start the season, in which...
Cal will extract revenge on Tennessee. The Pac-10 fan base breathes huge sigh of relief as SEC fans are forced to shut up for about 1.7 seconds. Unless a blown call on an onside kick enables the winning touchdown.
Week 2 will be better. I promise. How can I be wrong here? But after pasting Youngstown State, Ohio State feels the need to prove itself against Akron. Yeah, like the Buckeyes need to prove state supremacy. It's Ohio; there is no one else there. Come on. At least switch it over to Cincinnati. (To their credit, next year they pick up USC. That will put some spice on the good ole OOC schedule.)
Virginia Tech will not be able to beat LSU ... but they will scare the Jambalaya out of them. The trendy feel good story gets off to an exciting start, as that team everyone feels obligated to root for over a tragedy puts a scare into a stacked LSU (ironically, the 2005 edition of the pity pick). But sentimentality doesn't win football games; talent does. The Hokies are a serious threat to take an ACC devoid of a truly elite team. But not enough to tackle these Tigers in Baton Rouge.
A bolder prediction of a scare: Oregon at Michigan. I know, talk about chicken to pick a scare. But three things. One, picking a close game here in itself is a big upset. Two, I promise, an outright upset is coming. Three, it's my column, I'll predict what I want.
South Carolina stuns Georgia between the hedges. Here's that Week 2 upset. Georgia is ranked, 13th in fact. South Carolina is even being overshadowed by Vandy and Kentucky as darkhorse picks to make noise in the division. But the Gamecocks didn't lose a game in 2006 by more than seven after the second game. Most of the D returns and should be improved, and if signal-caller Blake Mitchell can come back resembling anything near his torrid four-game finish, he and running back Cory Boyd (SEC's second leading returning rusher outside of Arkansas) should be able to do enough damage to a Georgia team trying to replace a number of losses on defense.
After pounding Marshall, Randy Shannon will be rudely welcomed in Norman. Plowing North Texas will not sufficiently get the taste of the Fiesta Bowl out of the Sooners mouths and returns a stacked offensive line, so a Hurricane team already hit with the loss of linebacker Glenn Cook will struggle to stop tailback Allen Patrick. Both teams have issues at quarterback, but at least Oklahoma will have a weapons-grade wideout in the towering Malcolm Kelly.
Other Scrooge like bah-humbugs on upsets: to continue the earlier Christmas analogy, Santa isn't bringing upsets of Texas by TCU, Louisville by Kentucky, USC by Nebraska. But these remain dangerous games.
Utah will take down a strong Pac-10 foe. Oregon State? UCLA? Don't know which, but the gap between the MWC and the WAC and the BCS schools is shrinking, and Utah has its best team since 2004, when it won a BCS Bowl. And I think Oregon State and UCLA will finish in the top half of the Pac-10 with at least eight wins each.
Notre Dame loses two of its first three. That's the good new for Irish fans. The bad news is that by the time Navy visits, they will be 3-5. At best. Thank Touchdown Jesus they finish with Duke and Stanford. But at least the Irish can join in and say...
....At least you aren't a Husky. Washington, after crossing the continent to visit meek Syracuse, they engage on a string of games only a masochist could love. The only silver lining is that Boise State and Ohio State come to them to lay beatings. Then they head to UCLA before returning from L.A. ... with USC in tow. Four games, four ranked teams. And the Huskies are 1-4. Arizona State, Oregon, and Arizona will all be favored over UW before finally visiting the Pac-10's Betty Ford Clinic, Stanford.
What? The Cardinal beat the Huskies last year? Oops, never mind.
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