On the indispensable Internet Movie Database, Vince McMahon is listed as a producer for eight different films; from the mind-numbingly awful "No Holds Barred" and the remake of "Rollerball," to the actually quite good "The Rundown," to something called "Jornada del Muerto," a film in production that is scheduled to be directed by John "Red Dawn" Milius and starring Triple H in what's billed as "a modern-day Western where gangs, drug trafficking and broken codes of honor rule."
(Hmmm ... "broken codes of honor." For Triple H's sake, I hope they don't mean "man laws.")
Perhaps Roger Goodell has "Vince envy," and not just because Michael Vick's dog-fighting quagmire has lived through more media cycles than Chris Benoit's domestic slaughter. This week, the NFL followed in the footsteps of the WWE and announced it's getting into the motion picture business.
NFL spokesman Brian McCarthy told the Milwaukee Journal-Sentinel that the league will co-produce a bio-pic about Vince Lombardi — the first in what could be a series of NFL movies that detail moments in its storied history.
Right from the start, the not-so-subtle difference between the Hollywood NFL and Hollywood WWE is that the former appears dedicated to quality filmmaking while the latter made "The Condemned," a "Battle Royale" rip-off that replaced a gaggle of homicidal Japanese school children with "Stone Cold" Steve Austin.
In fact, the producer on the Lombardi picture is Andrew Hauptman. He produced the brilliant little Danny Boyle movie "Millions," and is producing "Lions For Lambs," a political pot-boiler starring Tom Cruise, Robert Redford, and Meryl Streep — none of whom, I believe, appeared in the remake of "Rollerball."
The prospect of NFL-produced films is exciting on several fronts. The league's participation means these films will not have teams named the Miami Sharks ("Any Given Sunday") or the Washington Sentinels ("The Replacements") because it'll all be officially licensed. This is good news for anybody who enjoyed the authenticity of "Jerry Maguire" thanks to NFL participation, or that was worried that this first league-produced film would be about Coach Victor Lombardo of the Green Lake Placards.
There's also an endless collection of stories that can be dramatized with full NFL participation, from games like Super Bowl III to individuals like Lombardi. Would you pay to see a John Riggins movie? What about one featuring the Pittsburgh Steelers of the 1970s?
But the inescapable question about the NFL-as-filmmakers is whether we'll get "No Fun League: The Movie." Can the most image-conscious organization in professional sports loosen up and tell unfiltered stories about its history? Is the NFL that censured "Playmakers" with the same zeal it dampens end zone celebrations capable of anything more cinematically adventurous than some Disney-esque piffle about teams overcoming long odds and triumphing in the end because they believe in themselves and each other?
I mean, somewhere out there is a professional screenwriter/big-time football fan that's been ready to write a Lawrence Taylor movie ever since he heard about L.T. sending hookers to opponents' hotel rooms and beating drug tests with his teammates' urine. But will we ever see an NFL-produced L.T. bio-pic, or are we destined to see one in which he's playing for a generic team called "New York" whose colors are slightly-off-enough-to-avoid-copyright-infringement?
I hope the NFL is in this to produce some real, substantial art and not just to add another branding opportunity to its media empire. Take this Lombardi picture: there is the real potential for greatness here, with the title role being one that ranges from intense determination to unintentional humor to heartache, as cancer conquered him. Get the right actor in there, and this thing is elevated into something that's worthy of attention during awards season.
And I have just the guy in mind.
Here's Vince:
And here's the guy who should play him:
Lombardi was born in Brooklyn; De Niro grew up in Little Italy. Lombardi started coaching at 26; De Niro's first role for director Brian De Palma hit screens when he was 26. Biographical coincidences aside, can anyone else gather the gravitas and meet the physical dimensions better than De Niro, who has proven he'll do anything to transform his body to fit a role?
I'm tellin' ya: Bobby D. for Vinny L. If nothing else, maybe it'll delay the inevitable next installment of the "Focker" films; a.k.a. cinematic evidence of the law of diminishing returns.
Just make sure the quality of the material meets the quality of the actor. Or else you might as well cast Triple H as Lombardi.
He can just tuck that hair under the hat, right?
Greg Wyshynski is the Features Editor for SportsFan Magazine in Washington, DC, and the Senior Sports Editor for The Connection Newspapers of Northern Virginia. His book is "Glow Pucks and 10-Cent Beer: The 101 Worst Ideas in Sports History." His columns appear every Saturday on Sports Central. You can e-mail Greg at [email protected].
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