Con-Vick-ted? The Courtroom Spectacle

Michael Vick's felony dogfighting trial promises to be the most watched courtroom drama of the summer, and it is inevitable that it will become a media circus. The clowns are on their way. Expect extensive coverage from all the major media outlets, as well as live coverage from Court TV. And expect the most compelling commentary by correspondents working on behalf of the news source that makes any news a media circus, The Daily Show With Jon Stewart. The trial will definitely be dramatic, but here are some things that could happen that would send the Vick trial into the stratosphere of courtroom spectacles, on par with the O.J. Simpson murder trial.

— Vick appears in court dressed in his Falcons jersey, except instead of the No. 7, the jersey displays the number "K-9."

— The judge bans cameras from the courtroom, and demands installation of the Invisible Fence, and orders all media personnel to wear shock collars.

— After a particularly intense cross-examination by the prosecution, Vick bolts from the courtroom, eluding several security guards with his signature elusiveness, including a spin move that causes two guards to collide, and leads police on a low-speed chase in a white Ford Bronco driven by teammate and fellow animal abuser Jonathan Babineaux.

— Australian rockers AC/DC give an impromptu concert outside the federal building, following their 1979 hit "Highway to Hell" with their version of the Baha Men's "Who Let the Dogs Out?"

— The defense calls Pacman Jones as a character witness.

— NFL commissioner Roger Goodell takes a front row seat for the proceedings, sporting a stern countenance and an oversized gavel.

— Las Vegas oddsmakers list Vick as a 3-1 "underdog" to win his case.

— The prosecution raises reasonable doubt about Vick's skills as a pocket passer.

— The defense uses the fact that Vick has a poster of dogs playing poker in his entertainment room as a testament to his love of canines.

— To ensure that they remain in the jury room for deliberations, jurors are chained to car axles.

— The defense asks for the words "dog," "fighting," and "Ron Mexico" not to be uttered during the trial. The judge grants their wish, but only after receiving a signed football from Vick.

— The financial records of Bad Newz Kennels are subpoenaed by the prosecution, and they arrive almost immediately via the "Shred-It" truck, the industry leader in document destruction.

— Vick testifies that he was stunned to be indicted, adding that he took the Surry County, Virginia Tourist Bureau's motto, "What happens in Surry County, Virginia stays in Surry County, Virginia" just a bit too literally.

— Vick is greeted outside of court by protesters wielding giant, foam middle fingers.

— Vick has a two-gallon water bottle confiscated in court; the bottle is later found to have a secret compartment containing a can of Alpo, eight D-cell batteries, and a prison shank.

— Vick is found to be guilty, and the headline in USA Today reads "Guilty as 'Charged': Michael is a Con-Vicked." Had Vick been found innocent, editors at the newspaper had the headline "Electric Slide: Vick Gets Off" ready to go.

— Vick loses his case, and electrocutes his entire defense team.