NBA Draft ‘07 Diary

I know draft diaries are a Sports Guy thing, especially since I'm a Celtics fan. I'm not trying to rip anybody off. But it's like practicing a jump shot in your driveway. You've got to keep shooting to get better. Kids in the driveway try to emulate Larry Bird or Michael Jordan. I try to emulate Bill Simmons and Charles Bukowski. There's no shame in that.

And after making it through all 60 picks in over four hours, and reading Simmons' diary on ESPN.com, I'm happy with the results. I put out my A game. Bill put out a C+. If nothing else, I competed well. For the first time out, that's enough for me.

Anyway, here's how it went down.

6:17: Fifteen minutes to the draft. My wife is taking my daughter to buy school supplies, leaving me with my 8-month-old son, Adam. It should still be just us guys by the time the Celts come up in roughly an hour. Will the first Celtics' first draft pick of his young life be a Chinese guy? God, I hope not. Come onnnnnn, Mike Conley!

6:20: Joakim Noah is wearing the most incredible bow tie in NBA draft history. He looks like Krusty the Clown crossed with Craig Sager's gay brother.

6:32: Go time. David Stern comes to the podium in a Barney-purple tie, says the countdown to the 2007-2008 season has begun and it promises to be one of the best ever. I'm not sure what he's basing that on, but okay, I'll go with that. Best season ever, coming up.

6:33: Damn crying baby! This might be a problem.

6:35: The Trailblazers are going to win multiple titles with Greg Oden. How do I know? Jay Bilas says so, that's how.

6:35: God damned Stephen A. Smith. I'm already sick of that bastard and Portland still has three minutes left on the clock. Damn the man who put him on this show. Damn him to hell.

6:36: And Oden it is. Let the dynasty begin.

6:38: You want to know why this is the most hyped draft in years? It's because of the NBA age limit. Without it, Oden and Durant came in last year with talent and potential, but not much of a public profile. After a year of the NCAA marketing machine, they're household names before they even step on an NBA court. Don't think this didn't occur to Stern when he made the rule.

6:41: Andy Katz reports the Celts are getting Jesus Shuttlesworth! Hallelujah! I swear I'm going to church this Sunday. Not only that, but the Celts get out from under Wally's contract. Giving up Delonte West hurts, but it opens minutes for Rajon Rondo, plus I bet they take a guard at 32. And best of all — no Chinese guy! My son is spared!

(I knew I could count on you, Danny. I just knew it.)

6:43: Durant to Seattle. I'm stoked about Ray Allen, but how about the Sonics getting Durant and Jeff Green? Great night for Seattle fans. Too bad their franchise is moving to St. Louis in two years. (Hey, we're better than Vegas or Oklahoma City.)

6:45: Durant is going to lead the league in scoring. Jay Bilas says so.

6:50: Babies and running diaries just don't go well together. A few thoughts from the past 10 minutes:

I still think Atlanta should have taken Conley, but I can't argue with Horford. When you only have four first-round forwards on your team, you have to act, plain and simple.

I just agreed with Stephen A. I don't like it. Let's make sure it doesn't happen again.

I like those Atlanta hats. Are those new?

Memphis takes Conley. I guess Jerry West hasn't handed the keys to Chris Wallace quite yet. This would have devastated me if not for news of the Ray Allen trade. Now I can wait my five minutes in complete peace. Thank you, Danny. Thank you.

7:05: Fran Fraschilla: Yi "is hip-hop. He's 50 Cent. He loves to dunk on you." Sounds perfect for Milwaukee.

7:06: Andy Katz says the Bucks are keeping the Chinese 50 Cent. Ric Bucher doesn't seem so sure.

7:12: From Florida to Minnesota. Good luck, Corey Brewer.

7:13: Dick Vitale: "Seattle out-foxed Boston." I disagree.

7:14: Most people forget Gilbert Arenas went to Arizona. It's true. He did. Look it up.

7:19: First lame pick of the night — Brandan Wright to Charlotte. Bilas calls it the steal of the draft, compares him to Chris Bosh. Whatever.

7:25: Noah to Chicago. Perfect. The Bulls are the favorites in the East for the next five years.

7:29: Does anybody really care about the ESPYs? I mean, really care?

7:30: Hibachi!

7:32: Spencer Hawes to the Kings. Brad Miller, pack your bags.

7:33: Atlanta on the clock. Take Acie Law, Billy. For once, do the right thing.

7:33: Hawes has a "God Bless George Bush" bumper sticker. He should get along swimmingly with Ron Artest.

7:37: Atlanta takes...

7:38: Acie Law! Holy Cow! Atlanta did the right thing! I can't believe it!

7:40: I really do like those new Hawks hats. Maybe things are really changing in the ATL.

7:48: Thaddeus Young to the Sixers. Julian Wright and Al Thornton begin the slide.

7:49: Hibachi!

7:50-8:30: You know what I love? Baby puke. It's fantastic. Also, my wife and daughter came home.

You know what else I love? TiVo. Let's pretend that last 40 minutes didn't happen, shall we?

Rewinding...

7:52: Hornets take Wright. The Pistons are one L.A. Clippers pick from getting the steal in the draft in Thornton.

7:53: Dickie V. says at least 10 rookies will average double-digits in scoring this year. I'm not sure. Oden and Durant for sure. Horford probably, Conley maybe. Yi and Noah, no way. Same on Hawes. I think 10 is a stretch. Put the over/under at 7.5.

7:59: Thorton to the Clips. First Billy King and now Elgin Baylor. Can't we depend on anybody anymore? The Knicks need to come through on Wilson Chandler to re-validate my faith in eternal incompetence.

8:00: The new Clips hats are cool, too. I wonder what the new St. Louis Sonics hats are going to look like.

8:04: $30 for Holyfield/Savarese? That's like five Jack and Cokes. No way.

8:06: Ringing endorsement from Rodney Stuckey on Eastern Washington: "Coming out of high school, I didn't qualify, so Eastern Washington was the school I had to go to and I had to work with what I had in front of me."

8:07: I like the pace here. The NFL should go to five minutes per pick.

8:08: Nick Young to the Wiz. Best player on the board and fits what they do. Good pick.

8:14: Knicks get Zach Randolph, Dan Dickau and Fred Jones for Channing Frye and Steve Francis. Good move for both teams. (Stephen A just pooped his pants.) Frye is going to be the perfect compliment to Oden.

8:16: Sean Williams to the Nets.

(Wait ... what?)

8:20: Fireworks out the window. Pretty.

8:22: Marco Belinelli to the Warriors. Fran seems to like it. I trust Fran. He gave us the Chinese 50 Cent.

8:24: If the Lakers take the big white kid from Colorado State, Kobe's in a white Bronco within 48 hours.

8:29: Mark Jackson is right. Force Kobe to stay. You don't trade the best player in the world.

8:29: Give the Lakers credit for taking Javaris Crittenton. If he stays in school another year, he's top 10, maybe top five. If they could just get Kobe to stop being such a prick and teach the kids to play, they might have something.

8:31: Can you imagine having to wait a table with Stephen A and Dickie V? They're like SNL's "Ambiguously Gay Duo" with the volume turned way up.

8:35: Heat take Jason Smith, the aforementioned big white kid from Colorado State.

8:37: God, the Lakers are a mess. The Jim Gray-Mitch Kupchak interview couldn't have been more awkward if Vince McMahon was in the background shooting up steroids while wearing a Chris Benoit t-shirt. It's painful to watch.

8:41: Philly takes Daequan Cook, trade him to Miami for Smith. I don't like it for either team. Philly should have taken Derrick Byers instead. And what the hell do the Heat want with Cook? I don't get it.

8:48: Jared Dudley to Charlotte. That's higher than I thought, but I love the pick. The guy's a winner and Charlotte didn't need another 19-year-old.

8:49: Spike Lee hears the Knicks are taking "the brother from DePaul." They should take "the brother from Westwood" instead.

8:52: The brother from DePaul it is. Isiah is going to get the benefit of the doubt because Renaldo Balkman got booed, then turned out to be good, but I don't like it. DePaul had no heart last year, and Chandler was a big reason.

8:56: Portland buys No. 24 from Phoenix. It's good for Portland, but you shouldn't be able to sell draft picks. Bad first move for Steve Kerr.

8:57: Blazers get Rudy Fernandez. Nobody is having a better night than Kevin Pritchard.

9:01: Hibachi!

9:05: Morris Almond to Utah. I can dig it.

9:07: Hibachi!

9:09: Hibachi!

9:11: Aaron Brooks to Houston. I like him, but not for a team with Yao Ming. He's not nearly as good in the half-court as he is in the open floor. Plus, they don't need a point guard. Wonder if this is a trade.

9:15: C's get No. 35, too. Nice. There are going to be some good players at 32 and 35.

9:19: Arron Afflalo to the Pistons. Quality. There are some great Bulls/Pistons playoff series in our future.

9:25: Spurs take Tiago Splitter. Great value at 28. Nobody does it better than the Spurs.

9:31: Kerr redeems himself by taking Alando Tucker. More than anything else, this is a draft of college production. Brooks, Afflalo, Tucker, Dudley — these guys would have been second-rounders the past few years.

9:37: The Sixers take the Fin! I have to be the only guy on the planet to get that right on my mock draft. His team in Finland was called the Playboys. This is awesome. I can't wait to see Stephen A's reaction. Even Fran doesn't like him.

9:41: Stephen A takes a pass on the Playboy. That's disappointing.

9:41: I hope Seattle takes Josh McRoberts so I don't have to worry about the Celtics taking him. Right now, I'd be ecstatic with Gabe Pruitt at 32 and Derrick Byers at 35.

9:45: Seattle nails another one with Carl Landry. I am going to love this team when they move to St. Louis.

9:48: Pruitt to the Celtics!

9:52: Marcus Williams to the Spurs. That's probably best-case for him. He'll be playing for Quin Snyder on the Spurs' NBDL team this season.

9:53: Nick Fazekas to the Mavs. Whatever.

9:53: Come on, Derrick Byers!

9:55: Big Baby. I guess that's okay. Byers would have been better, and I worry this will push Leon Powe out the door, but Davis is a worker on the court. You can't have enough of those.

9:57: Trailblazers back on the clock. Josh McRoberts. Also, they bought the Playboy from Philly.

9:58: McRoberts and Oden played on the same AAU team. Interesting.

10:05: Philly replaces the Fin with a Ukrainian with some bad habits.

10:06: Did Derrick Byers rape a chicken or something? What the hell? Somebody is going to get a steal.

10:09: Miami takes a Croatian guy named Stanko. (And later trades him to Indiana.)

10:13: And now Sun Yue to the Lakers. Fran says he's a Chinese Tony Kukoc. Is that better or worse than being the Chinese 50 Cent?

10:14: T-Wolves take Chris Richard, the next Udanis Haslem. Nice pick.

10:15: And back to Portland, picking for Philly.

10:16: Philly gets Byers. Finally. Even Billy King is scoring in this draft.

10:20: Adam Haluska to New Orleans. Good for him. I thought he was going undrafted. Tough guy. He'll play in the league this year.

10:23: Reyshawn Terry to the Magic. Don't care.

10:26: Clips take Jared Jordan. Excellent, excellent pick. People aren't going to come out of this draft talking about Elgin Baylor, but Al Thornton and Jared Jordan is an extremely respectable duo.

10:29: My last favorite player on the board, Stephane Lasme from UMass, goes to Golden State. With the addition of Brandan Wright in the Jason Richardson trade, the Warriors have had a good night, too.

10:30: Four hour mark. Only reason to care now is to see if Mustafa Shakur and Ivan Radenovic get the call. Need a smoke break.

10:43: We're back. Wiz took Dominic McGuire from Fresno. Lakers took Pau Gasol's beard. Bulls took Aaron Gray, a respectable pick at 49. Mavs took Seymour Butts.

10:44: Bulls take JamesOn Curry, a pot dealer-turned-second banana at Oklahoma State. He'll never make it.

10:45: Taurean Green to Portland. Could turn into something in a year or two.

10:46: And now Portland gets Demetris Nichols, who actually has an NBA shot. There aren't many sure things in life, but the Trailblazers' summer league team is going to be the tits.

10:48: Houston takes Crocodile Dundee. Utah on the clock.

10:50: Jazz take Herbert Hill from PC. Not terrible. Milwaukee on the clock.

10:52: Bucks take Ramon Sessions. B+ at 56. Detroit on the clock.

10:54: Pistons take Sammy Mejia, another mental warrior from DePaul. I know he's got talent, just like Wilson Chandler has talent, but they lost too many damn easy games. I hold that against them. San Antonio on the clock.

10:56: Giorgos Printezis! Fran says he's a "rough customer." Somebody should take D.J. Strawberry or Jamaal Tatum. Nate Funk maybe. Phoenix on the clock.

10:58: My TiVo recording cut off without the final two picks. I suppose that's okay. Celts got Jesus. That's all that matters.

12:12: Checked online. Suns took Strawberry. Mavs took Slobodan Milosevic. Look for Mustafa Shakur in Poland next year.

***

8:10 the next morning: I'm driving to work and I end up behind a pick-up truck. And it's green. And in the back windshield, a bumper sticker: "JESUS." I kid you not.

Seth Doria is a freelance writer in St. Louis. For more, including his mock draft with the Finnish Playboy at 30 to Philly (just in case you don't believe him), visit The Left Calf.