I've made a decision. And it's a big one. It could pay off big or ruin my life. It might do both.
I'm not kidding. I could lose my marriage over this. I could lose my house and even my job. I could be in financial ruin for the next two decades. I mean, do you know how much child support I would have to pay for two kids?
I'm becoming a college football fan.
It may not sound like much, especially to you out there already well versed in the college game. But trust me. This could be an all-consuming task.
See, I've always been big into the NFL. Lost my first bet on Super Bowl XVII in 1983. I was seven. I took the Miami Dolphins over the Washington Redskins because I liked their helmets better. The 'Skins won 27-17 and I owed my dad a dollar. I've hated the Dolphins ever since.
But that's beside the point. The real point is that I've been hooked on the NFL my whole life. And despite a brief flirtation with the college game when I was a freshman (1994, Arizona was SI's preseason No. 1, they finished at .500 and lost to Utah in the Freedom Bowl), I've never made that plunge.
Well, that's all about to change.
I, Seth Doria, do solemnly swear to learn everything there is to know about college football. I will get really excited for Auburn/Alabama. I will believe the hype of Michigan/Ohio State. I will know in my heart that no matter what else is happening, nothing takes precedence over the Red River Shootout. Missouri/Nebraska. Notre Dame/USC. Georgia/Georgia Tech. Florida/Florida State. Miami/Florida International. I'm all over it.
I will start learning the high school game so I can go on message boards and rant about how coach so-and-so lost recruit such-and-such and oh my god he should be strung up, hung, shot, eaten by dogs, shot again, then drowned in boiling excrement.
(Don't laugh. People get excited about this stuff.)
And one last thing. When I have to wait six weeks between the final regular season game and the BCS title game, I will loudly argue for a playoff because playoff brackets (in any sport) are the greatest inventions since penicillin. And I will use many expletives for effect.
And though it may seem like I'm being sarcastic, I'm not. I am 100 percent serious. Nay — 110 percent serious.
And since this may mean nothing to you, having clicked on this story with the expectation of gaining some knowledge about something, here are the 50 games this year I've already circled on my calendar. It may be a few months till camps open, but it's never too early for the hype to begin. I've learned that much already.
Saturday, September 1
Tennessee at California
Oklahoma State at Georgia
Friday, September 7
Navy at Rutgers
Saturday, September 8
Miami at Oklahoma
Virginia Tech at LSU
Oregon at Michigan
Notre Dame at Penn State
Boise State at Washington
Saturday, September 15
USC at Nebraska
Arkansas at Alabama
Tennessee at Florida
Notre Dame at Michigan
Ohio State at Washington
Saturday, September 22
Georgia at Alabama
Penn State at Michigan
Saturday, September 29
Florida State vs. Alabama (at Jacksonville, Fla.)
Saturday, October 6
Notre Dame at UCLA
Florida at LSU
Georgia at Tennessee
Oklahoma at Texas
Nebraska at Missouri
Saturday, October 13
Boston College at Notre Dame
Auburn at Arkansas
Wisconsin at Penn State
Saturday, October 20
Miami at Florida State
California at UCLA
USC at Notre Dame
Tennessee at Alabama
Auburn at LSU
Friday, October 26
Boise State at Fresno State
Saturday, October 27
USC at Oregon
Florida vs. Georgia (at Jacksonville, Fla.)
Nebraska at Texas
West Virginia at Rutgers
Ohio State at Penn State
Saturday, November 3
UCLA at Arizona
LSU at Alabama
Wisconsin at Ohio State
Thursday, November 8
Louisville at West Virginia
Saturday, November 10
Arkansas at Tennessee
Michigan at Wisconsin
Saturday, November 17
Miami at Virginia Tech
Ohio State at Michigan
Thursday, November 22
USC at Arizona State (College football on Thanksgiving!)
Saturday, November 24
Miami at Boston College
Florida State at Florida
Alabama at Auburn
Georgia at Georgia Tech
Thursday, November 29
Rutgers at Louisville
Saturday, December 1
UCLA at USC
Seth Doria is a freelance writer and blogger in St. Louis. For sports, politics, entertainment, and miscellaneous nonsense, go to The Left Calf.
May 14, 2007
Jon:
Funny to read about you and the 1983 SuperBowl.
First game I watched was the 1970 SuperBowl — Miami v. Dallas. Guess I liked the flipper better too cause, while the Phish lost that one too, the Dolphin Digest has hit my box via first-class postage for decades.
Same process, different result (or maybe it all comes down to that dollar)
May 15, 2007
Large Benjamin:
Unless you’re a horse, I imagine you meant to write “Nay” instead of “Neigh.”
College football is 1000 times better than the NFL. You’ll enjoy it.
May 15, 2007
Seth:
Moo.
May 16, 2007
Brandon:
You’re going to love it. How can ANYONE (esp from StL) follow pro ball. And if you’re physically, mentally, and emotionally vested in CFB you MUST pick a favorite team. Who is that gonna be, Mr. Doria?
If you want to roll with the Tide, let me know. Might want to get on this train before she pulls outta the station.
May 16, 2007
Seth:
As much as I would love to root for Nick Saban, being that all of Miami hates him, I’m an Arizona guy. It’s Wildcats all the way. Go Willie Tuitama!