Ever read Deadspin? I imagine most people reading this have at least heard of it. It's pretty great, sort of the gold standard of irreverent sports commentary. Far from being a guy-in-Mom's-attic operation, Deadspin is a part of a media conglomerate (Gawker Media) and they do professional work at a high volume.
Deadspin isn't a daily stop for me, but it is regular stop. I particularly like their daily "Blogdome" feature, in which they round up a half dozen or so amusing or interesting columns or posts from elsewhere on the web. If their one-sentence write-up is intriguing enough, I follow the link.
I followed one such link back in February, where a blogger picked apart a Bill Simmons basketball column.
The post created a firestorm of 66 comments (you have to click on the comments link to see them), a great number of which took the blogger to task, accusing him of jealousy and suggesting he get a life in the harshest terms possible.
Huh, I thought, Deadspin traffic sure brings in some riff-raff, and then I forget about it.
Then, about a month later, Deadspin linked to yet another blog with a post up about Simmons. It had to do with Simmons' wife using the same metaphor about using a Scrabble piece upside-down so it appears to be a blank that Simmons used in another column. It could scarcely even be called a criticism — a mild jab is more like it; a facetious accusation of Simmons ghosting for his wife.
And yet, once again, comments like these from Simmons supporters:
"Holy s**t dude, get a life.
Just... wow.
And I ain't no Simmons defender, either. Go outside and get some fresh air, homey. Look at the clouds for a minute."
Now, please, I beseech you, go read the column in question and ask yourself if the tone of that comment, or others like it, are anywhere near merited by the column in question.
Reading that made me remember the first column l linked to above, because now I am wondering if there's anything to this phenomena.
After all, when they rip on Simmons on Deadspin itself, people don't jump to his defense, they just good-naturedly try to out one-line each other just like they do on every Deadspin post.
But posts about Simmons on other sites linked by Deadspin get reamed. Why?
It hit me like a ton of bricks. You know how Simmons makes frequent mention of his gigantic entourage of friends — J-Poo, Bip Bip, K-K eith, and Jerky, or whomever.
I asked you at the top of the column if you knew of Deadspin, but ... really, I have to think you do, mon. They are BIG. If you are big into sports and irreverent humor, and surf the web, you know it's the preeminent entity on the Internet except perhaps for Simmons himself.
Simmons and his crew almost certainly read Deadspin. I'd bet my house on it. And if someone picked on your friend, wouldn't you want to defend him? Especially if you were a muscle-headed hanger-on with a frat boy's sense of humor and loyalty?
Most of the vitriolic comments come from bravely anonymous commenters, or profiles obviously thrown together so they could comment on other people's blogs. On Deadspin, you have to be invited in order to comment, and they don't give out invitations on demand.
Sure enough, I looked up more Deadspin links to columns about the Sports Guy (here, here, and here) and the Simmons defenders come out of the woodwork without fail (you often have to scroll to the bottom of the comments to find them; it takes awhile for the muscleheads to figure out the compooter). The telltale signs:
- As mentioned, a level of angry indignation that is so far removed from the tone of the post in question that it just looks strange ... and amusing.
- Accusations of jealousy of Simmons. Particularly "transparent" jealousy.
- A vulgar request for the blogger/columnist to get a life.
- A vulgar suggestion that the blogger/columnist is untalented, unlike Simmons.
- (This is my favorite.) A disclaimer that, in spite of bothering to go through some or all of steps 1-4, that the commenter is no particular fan of Simmons. Way to throw us off the scent there.
You could make a drinking game out of it, it's so reliable. I only hope that Deadspin discovers this column and links to it. That way, either Simmons' buddies will start angrily defending him in the comments below, proving my point, or they will realize the jig is up and stop. Win/win.
But how can I get linked by Deadspin? How do they find their blogdome features? Perhaps they put some key words into Google and see what it brings back. What key words can I throw in that will appeal to Deadspin editors? Hmmmm. Let's try:
John Amaechi Leather Carl Monday Billy Packer I'm the chick who got Harold Reynolds fired Barbaro.
But even if Deadspin does hook me up, will the Sports Guy entourage even possibly respond if I don't bag on their boy? Their overrated, one-note has-been of a boy? Their plagiarizing, joke-recycling, stale act, irreverent-turned-irrelevant boy? Did I mention that shortly after the Scrabble piece above, an item appeared in The Sports Guy mailbag asking (nicely) the same question about it? Simmons answered, starting with, "I'm glad you asked that question." Of course you are. What a coincidence! What a fraud!
April 27, 2007
Seth:
Whatever. You’re just jealous because you’re not as good as he is. Get a life, you self-loathing monkey-fornicator! I hate you and everybody who ever liked you.
Anyway, I don’t really like him either.
(Actually, I do. But you’re cool, too. Damn frat boys.)
April 27, 2007
flubby:
Holy s**t dude, get a life.
Just… wow.
And I ain’t no Simmons defender, either. Go outside and get some fresh air, homey. Look at the clouds for a minute.
April 27, 2007
not J-Poo:
Get a life! You’re just jealous.
April 27, 2007
Chris:
I wonder if instead of being Simmons actual friends, they are his loyal readers who are constantly trying to be “funny” and get in his mailbag. Probably the same couple, doing it on every article with no coordination, just some kind of bizarre feeling of loyalty to someone they have never met. Of course, there is no way of us ever finding out who these people are, but it is fun to speculate.
April 27, 2007
TotalBS:
Man, you are so transparently jealous of Simmons. You really need to get a freaking life dude. Oh yeah, I’m no Simmons-backer.
April 27, 2007
Sports Gal:
Notice that I am the only one that never defends him on these things? You try being the wife of a D list celebrity (who isn’t even cool enough to get a reality show, but is a freakin’ writer—hello, Geek Squad!) in a place like LA.
Oh, well—I can still feel better about myself by ripping on Britney and Paris and everyone else who wouldn’t pay attention to me. Now, where is Dooze and that jar of peanut butter?
April 27, 2007
Hench:
You don’t have half the talent TSG has.
April 27, 2007
Josh:
Oh yeah, lets all pretend to be Simmons defenders sarcastically using the very insults this article talks about, that will show how ironic we are. And then after this post, I’ll make another one where I make fun of me making fun of the people making fun of this article
April 27, 2007
House:
Now I’m no huge fan of Simmons, but holy **** how much research did this column take? Seriously, you took the time to look back at 6 different blog postings? Is your life so boring that you feel you have to take cheap potshots at a writer that’s actually had a semblance of success? Just because your little irrelevant blog sucks and you’ll never get a real gig at a major site like ESPN doesn’t mean you have to go after the guy that paved the way for all you little “bloggers”. Talk about an indignant prick.
-House
April 27, 2007
that guy:
I need to make some extra dough this week. How can I drive more traffic to my retarded blog that only has 5 regular readers outside of my immediate family. Oh I know I’ll rip Bill Simmons. Woo Hoo!
April 27, 2007
el guapo:
In all seriousness, Simmons is both very popular and oddly polarizing. So I think it’s not so unusual that the comment “flame wars” heat up to the point of absurdity whenever someone blogs negatively about him (no one ever seems to blog positively about him…). Add to this some of his comments about sports blogging and you’ve got kind of a perfect storm of bilious comment-war nonsense.
Yes, I remain a Simmons fan. But I’m not J-Bug or House or whoever.
April 27, 2007
Ned:
I can’t believe you left me off the list of Deadspin catchphrases! I’m so mad I could hit you with a crutch right now!
April 27, 2007
mcbias:
There’s a board dedicated to Bill Simmons somewhere on-line. I forget the title, but they rip and praise him back and forth. I would bet strong money that the traffic those posts you mentioned comes from links from that forumboard whenever Bill Simmons-related posts go up.
April 27, 2007
RobinFiveWords:
I’m just waiting for Simmons to go Tyler Durden on us and start giving his readers homework assignments.
April 27, 2007
chopper dave:
Hey That Guy and Smart Guy, you two should hang out.
April 27, 2007
same guy:
Hey, that guy and smart guy are the same guy. Amazing!
April 27, 2007
CW:
And the Bill Simmons “Stans” are out in full force.
April 27, 2007
Ghost Dad:
You realize that ESPN.com doesn’t allow comments on Simmons stories because when they tried it once Deadspin readers flooded the thing with disparaging comments, right?
April 27, 2007
Jay Busbee:
Man alive, we’re through the looking glass on these comments here.
Still, are you on target with this column? I say yes.
April 27, 2007
house:
me, jbug, and sully were hanging out at fenway on wicked beautiful saturday drinking smithwicks when simmons texted us from cali…
April 27, 2007
beanspants1:
Something like 5 friends counts as a gigantic entourage? Do you work for that green-logoed cellphone company in AllTel commercials or something?
April 27, 2007
geek rebellion:
“Their overrated, one-note has-been of a boy?”
If Simmons is one-note (which I won’t necessarily argue), what do you call the repetitive one-note Simmons bashing? It’s an echo-chamber at this point. We get it. There are lots of people that have grown tired of Simmons. Stop reading him.
April 27, 2007
straighttalkexpress:
article summary: people who like someone are willing to defend them if that person is criticized—what a revelation! i hope your head didn’t explode from that epiphany. a waste of words written by someone who is a waste of dna.
April 27, 2007
that guy's brother:
My brother’s a douche.
April 27, 2007
Not house:
straighttalkexpress your life summary: Your mouth is a DNA recpitical.
April 27, 2007
BostonGawd38:
I would attack you but the blood from my wrist is getting all over the keyboard as I type. I am such a hero
April 27, 2007
J-Bug:
I will now light myself on fire.
April 27, 2007
dubski:
You’re just jealous (transparently) that you don’t get to hang with J-Poo and Bip Bip.
April 27, 2007
Bill:
Looks like you made Deadspin, buddy. Congrats! I admit I liked Sports Guy at first, but he has revealed himself to be a rather pedestrian writer who goes to the well too often with the same references (William Zabka, Jimmy Chitwood, Double-Down Trent). He works for the WWL so he gets more exposure, but give me Deadspin or Kissing Suzy Kolber any day.
April 27, 2007
J Money:
McBias: you’re thinking of sonsofthesportsguy or something of that ilk. Cleverly (or not) taken from SonsofSamHorn, the Boston sports site.
I used to love Simmons writing, back when I thought he was original. If he only remembered where he came from and didn’t come across as an arrogant, LA-combined-with-Boston-level douchebag, I think people would still really like him.
So it goes.
April 27, 2007
nation_of_islam_sportsblog:
Sir,
Mr. Simmons defenders are to be applauded. Taking the time out of their day to launch attacks on those that find the recipient of their affection to be less than useful as a columnist is an act of devotion and blind following that should be commended.
The ability to lose all objectivity and perspective is the type of thing any columnist would hope to inspire in his readers.
The capacity to allow criticism of your favorite columnist to goad one into joining a legion of defenders is something which anyone who has ever so much as looked at a keyboard has hoped to invoke in his readers.
When your loyal readers no longer formulate their own point of view. When they seethe at the thought of criticism, constructive or otherwise, levied at their guiding light. When they cackle like hens at lines like, “My Papelboner has become priapismic.” Only then can you begin to understand what TSG has accomplished.
It’s become a “chicken or the egg” phenomena.
Is it TSG’s writing that is able to achieve all this? Or is it that the collective intellect of his loyalists rejects any and all challenges?
Probaby, it is a synergy between the two. Empty minds seeking an empty voice.
A marriage made on Page 2.
April 27, 2007
JD:
You thinking of sonsofthesportsguy.com, mcbias?
April 27, 2007
Chamomiles Davis:
“I’d bet my J-Bug, Bish and House on it.”
Fixed.
April 27, 2007
Roy:
First of all, that first basketball column you refer to was one of the worst things I have ever read. It was ridiculous, and obvious that the guy who wrote it was relying on ripping Simmons to come up with anything to talk about.
Second of all…um, looks like you are doing the same thing. Writing about sports, having an opinion about sports, and getting people talking about new thoughts and ideas would seem to be a bit more entertaining than simply regurgitating stale opinions about sports writers.
Is Simmons a different writer than he was when he started out? Clearly. Are his jokes getting old? Yeah. Is he a little too full of himself? Maybe. But what is worse? A sports writer who has fallen off, or a writer who writes about a sports writer who has fallen off?
April 27, 2007
Seth:
This whole chain is the perfect example of why Simmons really is the father of online sports writing. Love him or hate him (and why would you hate him - even if you dislike his columns, he still took wasting time at work to a whole new level - he should be given a gold medal for that if nothing else), you can’t deny he is what so many of us idiot bloggers wish we were - relevant.
When he quits in two years because he’s sick of the nonsense, we’ll realize just how much of an impact he really had. He’s the sports writing equivelent of Dennis Johnson.
April 27, 2007
SC:
@ROY - actually a commenter who rips on bloggers who rips on sports writers who have fallen off is worse.
April 27, 2007
nation_of_islam_sportsblog:
“But what is worse? A sports writer who has fallen off, or a writer who writes about a sports writer who has fallen off?”
Sir, why choose?
There exists an undeniable nobility in both.
We salute both waning skills of the degenerative sports writer AND the jealous rantings of the blog-chained scribe!
Cheers!
April 27, 2007
ErinL:
Brillant. And so true. I stopped reading Simmons during the fall - actually, I went cold turkey on ESPN.com, period - after I realized that 4 years of reading it and NOT having access to Sports Illusrated had eaten my soul. Simmons used to be hilarious - but I have to read one more WNBA joke I will die.
April 27, 2007
Kevin Beane:
Thanks for the comments, all. I didn’t really think that Simmons’ fans would take the bait. Awesome to see that they have.