Livewriting Ohio State/North Carolina

A few weeks ago, over hot dogs and Miller Lites, a few friends of mine and I discussed colleges that have achieved a measure of simultaneous success, or near-simultaneous success, in both football in basketball.

It's funny how often schools are big-time in just one or the other. Duke, Kentucky, and Indiana have long been wretched in football, and USC, Nebraska, and Auburn haven't scared anyone on the basketball court in quite awhile.

There are, or course, some schools that have sustained success at both. Florida's an obvious example. LSU made the Final Four last year. Maryland won the NCAA tournament around the same time they knocked Florida State off the ACC football perch. West Virginia has been making deep runs in both sports.

As a Buckeye alum, I hastened to add Ohio State to the list, and now, a few weeks later, they have reached a transcendent level: ranked No. 1 in both football and basketball (psst ... play along with me here and pretend there is no AP poll, just a Coaches' poll).

I'll be the first to admit that Ohio State's basketball ranking is a bit of a fraud. As talented as their recruiting class is, they are still a group of greenhorns. The best player on the team (two-time national high school player of the year Greg Oden) won't even play until January or mid-December at the earliest due to a wrist injury (but I'm sure you know that already — more on this later).

There's just no way that this team is the best in the nation right now, but that hasn't stopped me from calling all my friends and hammering home a lot of verbal underlines of Ohio State's double. I've had to call them fast, too, because I don't expect their basketball ranking to be very meaningful after their date in Chapel Hill tonight.

Although I favor sixth-ranked North Carolina when they play Duke (wherever there's a rivalry between a blue-collar public school and an elite private one, I'm pretty much always going to go with the former), I have a special dark place in my heart for UNC when the Heels play Ohio State.

That's because about 10 years ago, these same Buckeyes played UNC during a time when Carolina was on top of the world and the Buckeyes were mediocre. For the game, my local paper, the Akron Beacon Journal, invited a Carolina journalist — I mercifully forget her name — to write a guest column about the upcoming game.

The column would turn out to be the most condescending, pointless piece of crap I've ever read in a legitimate newspaper. The entire theme of the article was that, although this was a big non-conference game for OSU, it was just anther blip to the Mighty Tar Heels. An afterthought. Oh, don't get me wrong, she wrote (I'm paraphrasing of course). "Y'all" have a nice state and a nice football team and all that, but basketball in Carolina means something Ohioans would never understand and this game is not really worth much radar space to a North Carolina fan.

Well, eff you, too, lady. She predicted a big North Carolina blowout, which she got. I've been waiting for Ohio State to exact revenge ever since. "How much do you care about us now?" I will yell into the void, many years on, if Ohio State can pull off the upset tonight. If that upset happens, OSU will probably become No. 1 in both polls and won't be seriously tested again for a few weeks, thus allowing me to make gloating calls to my friends at a more casual pace. And as much as I'm not convinced of their No. 1 ranking now, a win on Tobacco Road without their best player would certainly give me pause. Sounds like the perfect storm for a livewriting exercise.

17:40 left in the first half, 7-4 Ohio State — One of the UNC guards, Wayne Ellington, is celebrating his 19th birthday today and is telling people he will score exactly 19 points tonight to mark it. Good. More extraneous, "Ohio State is an afterthought, let's have fun" thinking.

12:35, 22-19 Ohio State — Mike Conley just split two Heel defenders Harlem Globetrotter-style for an easy lay-up, but North Carolina still has cut a nine-point deficit down to three in the last minute or so. Man, this game is gonna end up with a final score like that of an 1980s NBA game.

9:30, 29-23 Ohio State — Dan Shulman said the UNC fans were chanting "OVERRATED" at the Buckeyes during the pre-game shootaround, and just like TV announcers usually do when repeating a crowd chant, Shulman said it in a restrained version of the sing-songy voice the fans use. Always cringe-worthy and hilarious at the same time.

7:27, 33-23 Ohio State — First double-digit lead of the game. North Carolina has not led, Ohio State has not committed a turnover.

5:47, 35-28 Ohio State — Football score = good omen for the Bucks.

2:18, 43-42, Ohio State — OSU has turned the ball over on three consecutive trips. I shouldn't have said anything at 7:27.

1:01, 48-42 Ohio State — OSU is 8-of-12 from three-point land. I don't believe I can jinx my team. I don't believe I can jinx my team. I don't believe I can jinx my team (continues to softly repeat this mantra).

Half-time, 48-44 Ohio State — In upset news, Oregon won at Georgetown and Robert Morris led Pitt in the second half.

17:58 left in the second half, 50-48 North Carolina — First lead for the Tar Heels in the game, and it came off an air-balled three-point attempt for Ohio State. It's official. I can jinx my team. Damn.

16:11, 53-50 North Carolina — Ohio State scores their first points of the second half and ends an 11-0 UNC run.

14:50, 56-55 North Carolina — While the ball is in play, ESPN is interviewing Butch Davis courtside and splitting the screen so we can see both the game and the most important thing, Butch Davis's face. Just hearing what he has to say is not enough. Great move, ESPN.

11:28, 66-62 Ohio State — You know, considering how many freshman are playing a big role in this game for both teams, it's pleasantly surprising that I haven't heard Dick Vitale say "Diapuh Daaandy!" once yet. Other than that, he's his usual self, the real-life Orgasm Guy.

9:27, 68-65 Ohio State — Shulman: "Now, all three big men for Ohio State have three fouls." Vitale: "And their best big man (Oden) is on the bench, injured!" This marks the 247th time this game and 14,202nd time this season that an announcer has broken the news that Greg Oden is injured and out of action.

6;27, 80-70 North Carolina — Wow, what an awful time to allow the Heels to go on a 15-2 run. And counting.

5:32, 82-72 North Carolina — Vitale just said "Diaper Dandy."

4:25, 84-72 North Carolina — It's too bad North Carolina is running away with this now, not just because I'm an Ohio State fan, but because a game that has been as entertaining as this deserves an exciting ending.

3:31, 84-76 North Carolina — Say, did you know that Ohio State's best player is named Greg Oden and he is currently not playing because of an injury? Yep. You're welcome.

1:22, 93-83 North Carolina — Ohio State pulled within five for a second, but it's obviously not looking good. Worse, Wayne Elllington has 18 points, and while it doesn't look he will hit his prediction on the number, he's gonna kill the joke I had ready to roll about him scoring his mental age if he scored 8 or 12 or 15 or whatever.

0:52, 94-85 North Carolina — So help me God, Ellington just went back to the line and hit 1-of-2. Yep. 19 points. (He wouldn't score again.)

0:00, 98-89 North Carolina — Eff you, too, lady.