The Short Big Men For Equality Anonymous

I'm an amateur scout. I look at a college basketball player and act like I know how they're going to do in the NBA. But in being an amateur scout, I'm no different from anyone else. Even if I don't want to be like that annoying guy who reads NBADraft.net and makes not-so-bold predictions, I am.

"Dude, Greg Oden is going to dominate in the NBA. He's the next David Robinson — he's got soft hands, a nice touch, and a great attitude."

Okay, yeah — if that's you, shut up. But while we're at it, why don't we shut up all the scouts out there. Have you ever wondered what makes someone's "game" adaptable to the NBA?

It's like this: you can either draft a 6-foot-7 power forward who averaged 20/10 in the SEC or a 6-foot-9 power forward who averaged 15/8 in some mid-major conference. Who do you take?

This is easy for the NBA scout. You take the second guy because for some reason or another, those two inches are vital.

When I envision scouts, I think of the guys on dating shows. And I don't mean that they scout players based on physical aspects. I mean that when they sit there with a player, there are literally predictable speech bubbles that pop out from underneath them. They are that shallow.

So let me drop some names: Paul Milllsap, Craig Smith, Jason Maxiell, and Ryan Gomes. What do they have in common?

Three things: 1) They are all power forwards; 2) they are all 6-foot-7 (though media kits say they are taller — but you simply don't grow because you wear shoes); and 3) they were drafted low because they were too short.

Oh, and one final thing — they are all performing better than scouts expected.

In fact, Craig Smith, the Boston College alum, is averaging 9 points and 3 rebounds a game. The Timberwolve rookie is lighting up the box scores with his Charles Barkley-esque post moves — you know what I'm talking about. The moves for short post players who are, uh, heavy set.

Scouts said he wasn't athletic enough, quick enough, and big enough. Turns out he was.

I think it's a prejudice against short big men. They should make an organization — Short Big Men For Equality Anonymous.

Gomes would be an outspoken member of SBMEA. Coming out of Providence College, he dominated the collegiate ranks. Then when he tried to go pro, they said he was too slow and too short. The second-round choice is now averaging 9 point and 6 rebounds per game.

Maxiell is in the same class as Gomes. At 6-foot-7, 260 pounds, he's the heaviest of the bunch. But he was also considered too short and too slow.

Millsap isn't quite in their class yet, but in college, he was a rebounding machine. Turns out he was too short, too.

And there's one word that is going to sting for all these guys: tweener — not quite tall enough to play power forward, not quite athletic enough play small forward. It's painful.

So what will this organization do?

Three things: 1) Talk about their feelings of being short and pudgy; 2) bring in speakers like Charles Barkley and Pig Miller; and 3) get those scouts who has oppressed them for so long and ask for their rightful place in the NBA draft, in front of guys named Oleksiy Pecherov and Hilton Armstrong.

For now, I propose the SBMEA for inclusion in the midnight society — I mean, er, the NBA. It can just be a part of the Players Association.