Continued from part one, part two, part three, part four, and part five.
The problem with doing this series over two months is that baseball is a game of trends. One day, Rick Ankiel looks like the next Roger Clemens, and the next day he's your fourth outfielder ... in Class A.
For example, Francisco Liriano's stock has dropped some because of his injury concern — and then dropped some more because of some more injury concerns. Also, Delmon Young got called up from the minors, went on a tear, and is suddenly the best young hitter in the majors. I knew this flaw would exist when I started this wretched six-part series that has become five parts too long. But I figured all the prospects would have been called up by that time. Looks like I was wrong — that damn bat flip is making me look stupid.
Nevertheless, I forge forward to the finish line. Here are the first 25 picks:
1. Yankees — Albert Pujols
2. Red Sox — Felix Hernandez
3. Cubs — Francisco Liriano
4. Devil Rays — Scott Kazmir
5. Marlins — Jonathan Papelbon
6. Athletic — Joe Mauer
7. Braves — Justin Verlander
8. Tigers — David Wright
9. Cardinals — Miguel Cabrera
10. White Sox – Johan Santana
11. Mets — Jose Reyes
12. Indians — Grady Sizemore
13. Twins — Dontrelle Willis
14. Blue Jays — Jered Weaver
15. Angels — Ryan Howard
16. Astros — Carlos Zambrano
17. Reds — Hank Blalock
18. Padres — Mark Texeira
19. Diamondbacks — Brandon Webb
20. Mariners — Adam Dunn
21. Phillies — Ryan Zimmerman
22. Rockies — Josh Johnson
23. Nationals — Chase Utley
24. Dodgers — Nick Swisher
25. Giants — Brian McCann
And in "marathon runner barely making it to the finish line" fashion, I'll finish out this draft with the last five picks.
26. Texas Rangers
Are the Rangers really so pathetic? I mean I suppose they've done a decent job in recent history. But one thing — just one thing — is going to set them back 10 years.
The Alex Rodriguez signing.
They literally put all their eggs in the A-Rod basket, and then they dropped their basket on purpose because they realized that they were idiots for giving him so much money. High gas prices? I blame the Rangers and their $250 million spending spree.
So which direction do the Rangers go? This might be the easiest, yet most amusing pick for me to decide. They'll go with a 31-year-old shortstop who might or might not be past his prime in five years. They'll go with the player who could be the best in the history of the game, but they'll hope for a Barry Bonds-like late-30s, early-40s resurgence.
The picks: Alex Rodriguez
27. Milwaukee Brewers
Is it just me, or has the sixth installment of this "Universe Draft" made me a bitter writer?
It's just me.
But part of it is that these teams are easy to make fun of. And it's also fun to put them in ironically bad situations, partly because baseball futility is funny to me, and partly because these comedic decisions I'm making for the teams is probably the closest to a real simulation you'll ever get (see: Jeff George signing).
So who do the Brewers want? Well, if this is a matter of pride, which probably is for Bud Selig's former team, then they're going to want to keep one of their two prized prospects that they nurtured since they drafted them — Prince Fielder or Rickie Weeks.
I don't know about you, but a guy named Prince is hard to pass up. Plus, maybe Cecil will come back and play a few games. Now that would make this pick worth it's weight in gold (wait, what is this pick's weight in gold?).
The pick: Prince Fielder
28. Baltimore Orioles
Who is the only player to ever turn a flyball 15 feet short from the fence into a home run? He's also a pretty good late-blooming outfielder, and the Orioles' next pick.
The pick: Alex Rios
29. Pittsburgh Pirates
Oh, the Pirates. Ever since one of the great players left, they've never been the same. They've worked hard to replace him, but all they've gotten was Jason Kendall (please, reader, sense the sarcasm ... please). Because they have worked so hard to replace Don Slaught, I will give them a gift of a catcher. I'm actually a big fan of this guy, and I can see him having a Kendall-like career — hopefully, the Pirates won't be too disappointed with that.
The pick: Russell Martin
30. Kansas City Royals
Through all 29 picks, I've been waiting for this moment because:
1. It's my hometown Royals
2. It's the last pick
3. And I'm going to let Allard Baird be the GM for this pick
Does anyone remember Colt Griffin? He was the first high school pitcher to ever be clocked at 100 mph. Want to know what he's doing now? Well, five years after he was drafted, he recently announced his retirement.
Baird and Co. were bedazzled by young pitcher who could throw hard, and do little else. New GM Dayton Moore is a baseball genius in my mind, so if it were up to him, he'd take Rickie Weeks. But it's not up to him, because we're playing by my rules.
So with the last pick of the Universe Draft, the Royals select (enter dramatic music, and cue the sappy Mr. Irrelevant story)...
The pick: Joel Zumaya
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