I am 30-years-old. I'm not in the best of shape, but I try not to descend into an abject blubbery monolith. But I must admit, when it comes to the sports I love the most (namely, college football and college basketball) I love immersion. Overindulgence. Gluttony. That is, for football, I like to start watching the noon (Eastern Time) kickoffs and watching until the last whistle has blown on the last 10:30 PM West Coast game. The cracks where you tell me to get a life, they are fair.
I look forward to my Saturdays of indulgence. I subscribe to everything I need to have access to the most Division IA games humanly possible. (To do that, you need to subscribe to the DirecTV or Dish Network sports package, giving you access to about 30 regional sports networks, and you need ESPN Gameplan, and ESPN Full Court). I count down the days when the first full college football weekend is just two weeks away, for that's when the various TV guide websites will start giving full listings for the big day. The cracks where you tell me to get a life, I deserve.
Then I just devour those TV listings, practically memorizing them. I pick a "primary" game to watch for each time slot. (Akron and Ohio State always have dibs when available. Beyond that, I prefer David/Goliath matchups, the Midwestern conferences, and the West Coast conferences). I LOOOOVE flipping back and forth between half a dozen games or more. The cracks where you tell me to get a life, what can I tell you?
So now that you understand my mindset, check this out. Check out the hyperlinks for Week 1 anyway. How far beyond a simple TV listing can one go? This is just an incredible compilation. Breaking it down to local channels? Giving lists of affiliates? Web broadcasts? Explaining exactly how the networks' contracts with the conferences affect coverage and kickoff times? It's such an amazing resource that must have taken an exhaustive amount of research, and a fraternal love of college sport gluttony to put together.
The cracks where you tell me to get a life, I cannot argue. But if you feel me just a little bit, you have to appreciate this website, even if only
slightly.
So now that I don't have to wonder what games I'm going to be able to see until two weeks prior any longer, I can concentrate on which announcers I am going to listen to, and which ones I'm going to turn the volume down on. Actually, I don't mind most of the announcers working today, which I realize goes against the spirit of these types of columns. When you sign up to write a column, you agree to pen at least one cliche-ridden diatribe against announcers per year.
The only one that really makes me really grumble is Brent Musburger. Hype, hype, hype, hype, hype. When he says "folks," which he does a lot, my skin crawls. Surely, that's a drinking game somewhere: have a shot every time he says "folks!" Does he think that makes the announcer-viewer relationship more personalized or something? It doesn't to me. Naturally, he usually is ABC's Big 10 guy, so I get to listen to him tons. At least his sideline reporter this year will be Lisa Salters, so we no longer have to hear him say, "Let's send it down, folks, to ZhhhhACKAROOT!" (Jack Arute).
Then there's Mike Gottfried on ESPN. He looks to be in his 40s or 50s, but he has the speaking voice of a man 125. I keep expecting him to start acting as old as he sounds. "Jevan Sneed is a fine ... outfielder. He's black. Where's my juice? I think Texas ... (45 second pause) ... where's my juice? Errol Flynn, he could act." You know, like Lou Holtz already sounds.
Everyone else is at least decent. Traditionalists and jerks might have reservations about female announcers, but Pam Ward is articulate and
strikes the right balance between staid professionalism and energetic enthusiasm. I think she's ready for the networks or the one of the higher-profile ESPN crews, if any of those guys move on. That's more than I can say for Beth Mowins, who did WAC games for ESPNU last year and apparently went to the Suzyn Waldman school of Tuff Announcer Chix.
Mike Tirico, who would be perfect for the Reggie Cleveland All-Stars, will be moving to Monday Night Football, and I miss him from the college ranks.
Paul Maguire is joining ABC's No. 2 college football team. Ugh.
When it comes right down to it, though, as announcers become homogenized and not very unique or stylized (for good or ill), it comes down to the voice. I'm looking for iconic voices. Keith Jackson had an iconic voice. Pat Summerall and John Madden are both iconic voices. I mentioned Chris Cuthbert in my CFL column a couple weeks ago. He has an iconic voice. So does Vin Scully. Joe Buck will never, ever, ever, ever be an iconic voice, no matter how much FOX overvalues him.
The only guy working college football today that has that sort of pleasant signature voice I'm looking for does Pac-10 games for FOX Sports Net, and that's Barry Tompkins. Good, competent work and a great voice for announcing. He's definitely a workhorse for FSN, doing poker and boxing broadcasts, as well. Alas, he looks a bit long in the tooth already, so I'm not sure he will reach icon status.
So I throw it open to the commenters ... we already know who you don't like. Who do you like? Who do you want calling the games you watch?
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