Wednesday, July 12, 2006
Barbaro Craves the Spotlight
Barbaro is in the news again, this time for complications to a recent surgery. This is the most recent of many "setbacks" the 3-year-old colt has dealt with since shattering his leg during the Preakness. This latest story though has helped me to open my eyes and see Barbaro for what he truly is — an attention whore.
Barbaro refuses to shrink from the public eye after his career was ended as he's clinging to the spotlight with any good leg left in him. It started with the "friskiness" after his first surgery, a move that failed to captivate the public. Being frisky with the females was enough to get Bengal draft pick Frostee Rucker his own episode of "Outside the Lines," but it drew nothing more than polite chuckles in Barbaro's case. It took a quick trip back to the drawing board before he discovered the only way he could stay relevant was by playing the same card that won over the public the first time, "potentially fatal health complications."
Props to Barbaro, though, because it worked. He managed to leap over LeBron James contract speculation and the World Cup final in the headlines and grabbed some good press along the way. More importantly, he was able to get another group of fans to start babying him again. I expect it's only a matter of time before he gets more letters, both the type drawn in crayon with the "R" spelled backwards and a picture of "Barbaro" that looks like a mud puddle with a smiley face and the type stained with the tears of middle-aged housewives who love animals like people.
Shortly after the news broke, thousands of people left messages on his message board praising him for setting an "example of toughness all humans could follow" and claiming that he dominates their daily prayers and thoughts. Some even went as far as to call him a hero and the savior that our nation needs.
After reading those messages and hundreds more like it, I realized there had to be more to Barbaro than what meets the eye. There's nothing heroic or inspiring about winning a race, getting hurt, and narrowly avoiding death thanks to the wealthy owners controlling your fate. I figured he must've done something to warrant this effusive praise — maybe he did a tour or two of service in Iraq or hauled the poor from New Orleans moments before Katrina broke the levees. Nope, turns out he's just a horse. A horse that gets fatally injured and miraculously healed so much that even soccer players are tired of his act.
There are some people who appreciate his act though and you can count Dani from Pennsylvania one of them:
Barbaro, I am sending you a thousand healing angels to carry away the infection and stimulate healing in your leg, Keep up the good attitude Love and hugs...Dani
— Barbaro message board
Does anyone else get the feeling that she may be going just a little bit overboard here? I mean, honestly, is it really going to take 1,000 angels to heal an animal? It's not something two or three could knock out before helping California win the pennant? It seems like overkill and that maybe those angels would be better served, I don't know, feeding the hungry or helping the millions of dying people in the world.
I don't know how "Danni" rose to her current position, where she is in charge of a multitude of angels, but it's clear that she's doing a terrible job. When you make Isiah Thomas look like a smart and sensible manager, then you know you're in trouble. I just hope she's fired before she sends 4,000 angels to help convicts pick up trash on the side of the highway during the midst of a natural disaster several hundred miles away.
It's inevitable that Barbaro's "health complications" will be a thing of the past after 1,000 angels have their way with him. This means he'll have to face his worst nightmare, as no health issues means no media spotlight. Most importantly, it means no more hero worship. He'll probably try to stay in the spotlight with an ill-advised head-butt of a doctor or by releasing a tell-all book. I'm just hoping he doesn't go the Paris Hilton route to stardom, as I don't think Barbaro's home-made video would have the same appeal to the masses.
He can avoid the humiliating fall from grace by coming to terms with the fact that he is an attention whore. Once he learns to accept it, he can use it to his advantage. Plenty of former sports stars go on to other lucrative careers and Barbaro could be next in line. In the '60s, technology allowed a horse to talk, fly an airplane, throw a birthday party, drive a delivery truck, and even surf. With the technology of today, I see no reason why Barbaro couldn't honor Mr. Ed's legacy by singing and dancing his way to becoming the new American Idol. Even if that technology isn't available yet, he could still race out-of-shape wannabes on Spike TV's Pros vs. Joes.
If that doesn't work out, surely he could have a career as an odds maker. Barbaro wouldn't even have to deal with the pressure of being the first animal in the field, as Inji the Orangutan has been picking Super Bowl winners for years from the comfort of her habitat at the Oregon Zoo. I know it's not as great as being honored as a champion, but at least he will still be in the spotlight. And it's better than the alternatives — existing in stick form and making a career out of holding pieces of construction paper together, or dedicating his life to keeping "Spot" from going hungry.
The Sports Gospel According to Mark is sponsored by BetOnSports.com. All readers get a 10% signup bonus at BetOnSports by entering "Sports Gospel Promo" as the promo code. Mark Chalifoux is also a weekly columnist for SportsFan Magazine. His columns appear every Tuesday on SC. You can e-mail Mark at [email protected].