Who Cares About Bonds? You Do

Baseball, more than any other sport, relies on statistical records to add intrigue to the game. Except, of course, when it comes to home runs, which, oddly enough, is one of the most important statistics in baseball. Still, if you are to believe a bunch of grumpy old men, no one cares about Barry Bonds breaking Babe Ruth's home run record.

It's always refreshing to see so many members of the media handle Bonds' breaking of the record with all the maturity of a second grade boy who recently contracted cooties.

As a casual baseball fan, I was fascinated at the level of venom people had for Barry Bonds at the start of the baseball season. Bonds could have given a sandwich to a starving homeless man, and blowhards on "Around the Horn" would've spent 10 minutes blasting him for not throwing in large fries and a coke. About the only thing Bonds could've done to make people happy was to fulfill the ridiculously selfish notion of many pundits and retire.

Throughout the season, people enjoyed ripping Bonds and not a day went by without people taking their shots at Bonds. Anyone in the newspaper business older than 40 came out with the exact same thoughtless "Bonds isn't good for the game, he's a goober" column. Shortly after that, they would follow with the "Ha, Bonds is struggling, justice would be served if this jerk is stuck forever on 713" column. Both are stupid notions, but hey, they may be old and bitter, but they are still entitled to their opinions.

Then Barry Bonds hit 714 and 715. Now, everyone has the same opinion — it doesn't matter, he'll never be good enough to carry Ruth's hot dog. Not only did they tell you it didn't matter, they went one further, by telling you that "no one cares." After all the hate, all the build up, all the episodes of "Bonds on Bonds" and front page stories every time Bonds tied his shoe quicker than the day before ("Bonds back on 'Roids," page 2!), it turns out that no one cared in the first place. It's pretty clear what this really is. Prattle.

It's humorous just how much this hurts baseball fans older than 40. They are furious and still hate Bonds more than ever. There's nothing wrong with it, but let's be honest, just about everyone has an opinion on Bonds. After seeing these articles and comments, I'm firmly convinced that the Boy Bander of College Basketball (until he gets drafted), JJ Redick, has smarter fans.

Any typical conversation with them goes like this

Fan — Hey, how about that Joakin Noah? He's the best player in college hoops right now.

JJ Fan — omfg how can u say dat? JJ is sooo much better. You are just ugly and that's why you like Joakin Noh. JJ Redick is the best college basketball player eva.

Fan — Really, well, I'm always open to a good argument. How is JJ a better college player than someone like Magic Johnson, Larry Bird, or even better than other Dukies like Grant Hill?

JJ Fan — JJ is soooo hoottt. OMG does he have a gf, if he doesn't pleeeeez tell him I wud be his gf anytime. He is hotter than da sun, it is reedickuless. Easily best player in sports history. No comparison. Gawd I would do anything to be mrs jj...(sigh)

In conclusion, 14-year-old girls aren't the best when it comes to sports conversations. Half of them probably can't name JJs team and the other half probably can't name what sport he plays. However, they aren't paid to talk and write about sports, columnists and talk show hosts are. It's even worse when they manipulate their sources to support their baseless claims.

A USA Today story recently quoted experts such as Babe Ruth's daughter, Julia Ruth Stevens, who chimed in with a, "As far as I'm concerned, Daddy will always be No. 1. Not to take anything away from him or Hank, but Daddy did it all on his own."

That is almost as priceless as the AP story that ran about Kobe's dad's take that Kobe deserved the MVP. When all else fails, just resort to the "my Daddy can beat up your daddy argument." She is 88 and the daughter of Babe Ruth, but if that's not enough to write off her comments, how about the fact that she lumps Hank Aaron in with Bonds with the backhanded "my dad did it all on his own" comment? If we buy that, it's time to send the crew after Aaron's record.

Of course, my favorite argument from all these pieces also came from USA Today courtesy of Hal Bodley. His argument was basically that Bonds could hit 780 home runs, but wouldn't be the best home run hitter of all-time because it's an arbitrary honor given out on the basis of what Hal Bodley thinks. But, he had a credible source back up his thesis, MLB's Official Historian, Jerome Holtzman.

"Babe Ruth was the greatest home run hitter period," Holtzman says over the phone from his home near Chicago. "He had a certain majesty about himself, his swing, the way he led his life. Heck, he was bigger than life. He's still alive."

Yep, that's the best they've got. Babe Ruth is still freaking alive. The whole cancer thing was an elaborate ruse. The packed funeral and thousands of mourners were all "punk'd", 1940s-style. Actually, right now, Babe Ruth is playing cards with Elvis and Tupac on an island in the Caribbean and having a good laugh at our expense.

"Aaron was a helluva player and a tremendous hitter, but not the best home run hitter," Holtzman continued. "I think what proves this point is the fact Babe Ruth is still alive."

I can't make stuff up this good. People, not just people, but people who know baseball, have to resort to using facts like "Babe Ruth is still alive" to defend their arguments. Babe Ruth is still alive, therefore, he is the greatest home run hitter of all-time. Okay, thanks for coming prattlers, but let's come back to Earth and see this for what it is.

You hate him? Fine. You love him? Fine. But don't insult my intelligence by suggesting that no one cares and that Babe Ruth is still alive. Simply pathetic. Actually, there's a better word to describe it.

Prattle.

The Sports Gospel According to Mark is sponsored by BetOnSports.com. All readers get a 10% signup bonus at BetOnSports by entering "Sports Gospel Promo" as the promo code. Mark Chalifoux is also a weekly columnist for SportsFan Magazine. His columns appear every Tuesday on SC. You can e-mail Mark at [email protected].