Losing Daly

Sports fans are naturally drawn to the lovable losers. It's hard for me to even really describe why without being a Chicago Cubs fan. I'm guessing it's the perpetual losing, but we don't have a remarkable number of Arizona Cardinals fans. I imagine it has to deal with the impressiveness of the losing, as it seems the lovable losers always find a way to master the art of losing. Perhaps it's the mastery of misery which makes them lovable. If that's the case, I can finally rationalize my newfound support of John Daly.

John Daly is pound-for-pound one of the biggest losers in sports. If you've seen a picture of him, you know just how powerful a statement that is. He's a decent golfer, as far as pros go, and has earned close to $9 million in tour winnings. The losing comes in the casinos, where Daly claims to have lost between $50 million and $60 million over the past 12 years. That is an astronomical figure that could set an entirely new precedent for losing.

I've got to admit, it is flat-out impressive. He can't be earning more than $4 million a year (legally, at least), yet he's losing an average of a little more than $4.1 million a year (and that's a conservative figure). His losing puts the Washington Generals to shame. The big question here is can he possibly keep this up?

Let's be honest, the Red Sox were much more enjoyable to root for before they broke that ridiculous curse. They are just another team now whereas before, they were special. Maybe it's simply because misery loves company, or maybe people are astonished by the mastery of the misery, but people were drawn to them. Daly is the on the verge of something huge here, and I want to be a part of it. As soon as a Nike competitor releases a knockoff of the LeBron James "Witness" shirt for Daly, I'll stock my wardrobe. But can he really pull it off?

Surely, it's going to be a lot harder now that people know about his habits. "Friends" and concerned people close to Daly are, naturally, going to try to mess this up. They will come to him with poorly-concocted plans to cure his "addiction," and I just don't appreciate that. I understand the concept of fixing something that's broken, but shouldn't the argument also be made that something that is broken to the point that it has created an entirely new and beautiful thing should be left alone?

Daly, who has a history of addicting vices, claims his gambling could "flat-out ruin" him if he doesn't get it under control. I'm not going to lie, with Daly revealing this story on his own, it sounds like a cry for help. If he teeters even a bit and loses sight of the goal for only a moment, things could very, very wrong. He's even telling members of the media that he's going to start playing $25 slots instead of $5,000 slots in order to get things under control.

Shouldn't this worry me, especially since I just purchased my personal seat license on the John Daly bandwagon? Nope, because I see through it all — he's using the media better than any club in his bag (which isn't saying much some days). In fact, I'm more encouraged after reading his comments to the press.

The reason we have this "revelation" isn't because John needs our help, he's doing this to spike sales of his book, "John Daly: My Life In and Out of the Rough." He doesn't want help to curb his gambling, he's looking to boost his income dramatically in order to fuel the fire. The beast is hungry, and John Daly has been spending the past 12 years of his life trying to feed it. Now, all he's doing is asking for donations to help feed the hungry.

His stories about losing $1.65 million in a span of hours and once losing $600,000 in half an hour have me liking my odds that he can keep it up. Those are feats of greatness that make Bill Buckner look like Joe Montana. Daly has shown flashes of brilliance, but as his career continues to advance, I've got to assume he's losing a step on his losing. I feel as if I've got to do everything in my power to help him succeed, so I figure the best way to end this column is with a piece of advice and with a pep talk. Anyone who reads this that truly cares about great losers, please forward this to John Daly's people.

The advice: John, the Internet is everywhere. I know you've got some impressive gambling losses in you and any night you are capable of dropping a few hundred grand, but consistency is the way to success. With the Internet, you can gamble consistently. Picture this: you could be on the golf course, smoking, drinking, and gambling at the same time. I'll do you one better, you can sign up with sponsor BetOnSports.com and use the "Sports Gospel" promo to help boost the streak. I know you're the one with the proven track record, but I just wanted to throw in my two cents (with a caveat that you must use those cents in some sort of wager).

Now, for the pep talk: John, everywhere you go, people refuse to respect you. They don't take you seriously. I do. They point and laugh at your failures, but I'm here to celebrate them. You can do this, John. Don't let anything stand in your way to immortality and history. In a lifestyle where losers are created on a regular basis, you will stand at the top of the food chain. And, when you do retire on top, everyone will finally know who the biggest loser truly is. Witness!

The Sports Gospel According to Mark is sponsored by BetOnSports.com. BetOnSports.com gives you the greatest sports action to bet on. Wager on football, cricket, boxing, rugby, horse racing, and more. Mark Chalifoux is also a weekly columnist for SportsFan Magazine. His columns appear every Tuesday on Sports Central. You can e-mail Mark at [email protected].