NASCAR Top 10 Power Rankings: Week 7

Note: the quotes in this article are fictional.

1. Jimmie Johnson — Despite falling two laps down, Johnson recovered and scrambled to an 11th-place finish in Texas. JJ held on to his points lead, which is now only a slim 15-point margin over Matt Kenseth. Johnson was stricken by bad luck on two occasions. Early in the race, the No. 48 Chevy pitted under green, only to see a caution as he exited the pits, and he fell a lap down. Near the race's end, Johnson gambled on a fuel-only pit stop, hoping the remainder of the race would be caution-free. Two subsequent cautions spoiled that strategy.

"Bad luck, or bad decisions, I ask you?" says Johnson, to his magic rear-view mirror, which had just answered Jimmie's first question, replying that Kasey Kahne is indeed the fairest of them all. "My crew chief, Chad Knaus, made both those decisions, which were bad, so maybe he's the bad luck. Dang! I wish Chad would cheat again. I mean, I wish he would get caught cheating again."

2. Tony Stewart — Stewart recorded his best ever Texas finish, crossing the line third after qualifying third on Friday. Once again, Stewart led the most laps (99 of 334), on a day in which he lost the air conditioning in his car about midway through the race on a warm day in Texas.

"Of all my days in racing," says Stewart, "this ranks right up there with the best of them. And, of all my days of racing, I would have to say I was the rankest Sunday in Texas. It really gets hot in that car without air."

With his third-place, Stewart moves up three paces to fifth in the points, 97 behind Johnson. Stewart also was victorious in Saturday's International Race of Champions, which he celebrated in vintage Stewart fashion, by climbing ... out of his car.

3. Kasey Kahne — Kahne had guns blazing all weekend, winning the Bud Pole on Friday, then pulling away for a five-second victory on Sunday, leading the final 26 laps. It was Kahne's second pole-to-checkered win of the season — he won from the pole in Atlanta in March. For his Samsung/Radio Shack 500 win, Kahne collected over $500 grand, plus a pair of fake six-shooters and a cowboy hat, and also was the recipient of a few hundred votes to be the next American Idol.

"I'm certainly no singer," says Kahne, "but since when is that a requirement to be an American Idol? And I'm definitely no cowboy, so I'm sure I looked quite out of place in that cowboy hat, kind of like Cowboy Troy."

4. Matt Kenseth — Kenseth scored his fourth top-10 result of the year, finishing second to Kasey Kahne. Kenseth led 14 laps, and narrowed Jimmie Johnson's points lead from 60 to 15 points.

"Okay, enough about me," says Kenseth. "You all thought getting shoved by Jeff Gordon at Bristol was controversial. That's peanuts compared to what went down in Texas."

You mean former Roush racer Kurt Busch, while a lap down, wrecking current Roush stud Greg Biffle?

"Boring! Busch wrecks somebody every week," replies Kenseth. "I'm talking about Biffle's girlfriend getting in Busch's fiancé's face after the wreck."

I see what you mean, Matt. Kurt Busch has a fiance?

"Amazing, isn't it? Some female agreed to marry Kurt, on purpose? I guess what they say is true: carbon monoxide fumes can cause impaired judgment."

5. Mark Martin — With teammates Greg Biffle and Carl Edwards struggling to duplicate last year's success, Martin and Kenseth have led the way for Roush Racing. In Texas, Martin finished ninth to back up Kenseth's runner-up result. Despite chipping 13 points off of Johnson's Nextel Cup points lead, Martin was passed in the standings by Kenseth and Kahne.

"Did someone say catfight?" asks Martin. "What has stock car racing become, now that the significant others of drivers are feuding? What is this? Girls Gone Wild: Pit Row Ho's? Frankly, I'm embarrassed ... that I never had my wife accost an opposing driver's lady on pit lane."

6. Dale Earnhardt, Jr. — Earnhardt struggled with the handling of the No. 8 Budweiser Chevy all day, but still managed to finish 12th and maintain the sixth position in the points. Earnhardt has only finished worse than 12th once this year, in Las Vegas, where he finished 27th.

"Hey, no fair bringing that up," begs Earnhardt. "You know the saying: 'What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas?' Anyway, it was a struggle in Texas. The car just wouldn't handle. I thought about wrecking it a few times to get it to handle like it did in Martinsville, but I never could quite get in front of a Busch brother, so I had to scrap that plan."

7. Kevin Harvick — Harvick collected his third-straight finish in the top 10, crossing the line fifth, with teammate Jeff Burton right behind in sixth. Harvick improved three positions in the points, and currently sits in ninth, 204 points behind Johnson.

"We here at Richard Childress Racing have a common goal in mind," says Harvick, "and that's putting three cars in the Chase. Right now, my teammates, Jeff Burton and Clint Bowyer, and I would qualify. And that's with the Busch brothers trying to take us out on a weekly basis. My hatred of Kurt is well-documented, and Jeff has had a few scrapes with Kurt already this year. In Texas, Clint got booted by Kyle Busch. I tell you, those Busch boys would cause a spinout in a funeral procession."

8. Kyle Busch — Busch finished 15th in Texas on a mediocre day for Hendrick Motorsports, which placed no drivers in the top 10. Although it was a somewhat atypical day for those in the Hendrick camp, it was a typical day for Busch and big brother Kurt — they both took out other drivers. Kurt wrecked Greg Biffle early in the race, while Kyle terminated Clint Bowyer in the Jack Daniels car on the final lap.

"You talk like Kurt and I are wrecking people intentionally," says Kyle. "That's ludicrous! That's absurd! That statement is about as silly as someone celebrating a race win in 80-degree weather in Texas with a snow angel."

9. Jeff Gordon — Gordon remained winless at Texas Motor Speedway, managing only a disappointing 22nd-place finish. Gordon was clipped when Carl Edwards got loose and wrecked on lap 257.

"Edwards was driving like a maniac," Gordon comments. "He's obviously sacrificing his driving skills for the sake of his acting career. It must be working. He's 22nd in the points standing, but his acting career is booming. Did you see him on the April 3rd episode of 24? It was great. I think he was executed by Jack Bauer. He wasn't? Well, he should have been. His acting was atrocious. Incidentally, 24 happens to be his average finish."

10. Casey Mears — Mears and the No. 42 Texaco Havoline Dodge hovered around the top 15 all day Sunday in Texas, but could never find the right combination to crack the top 10. Mears ended his day with a well-deserved 14th-place finish, which maintained position number 10 in the points.

"The car was at its best on the longer runs," explains Mears. "We could have done without a few of those cautions, particularly the one caused by Sterling Marlin's hairpiece on the track. But, I always say, 'Safety first.' If you run over Sterling's hairpiece, it can be very damaging to your car. It would be like hitting a bleached blonde Yorkshire terrier on the track; very dangerous. Thanks to Ryan Newman for warning everyone about the perils of Marlin's hairpiece."