Art from Columbus, Ohio asks, "Will there be repercussions from the Janet Jones Gretzky betting scandal?"
First of all, the public demand for a remake of Two For the Money is at an all-time high. It's tentatively titled, I Have a Gambling Problem, and I'm Stupid Enough to Place a Bet With My Bookie, Who Happens to Be an Assistant Coach For the Team Coached By My Husband, the Greatest Hockey Player of All-Time. The Great One's "bettor" half, an accomplished fitness guru and actress, whose credits include Police Academy V and some other stuff, could play herself.
Ask 99.99% of husbands in the world, and they would be thrilled to death if their wife collected $50,000 or so on a Super Bowl bet. The other .01% would probably be pretty pissed, since they are coaches and don't want to be associated in the slightest way with organized gambling, or Pete Rose. And I'm sure The Great One was pissed. Probably as pissed as he was at the play of the Canadian men's hockey team.
I'm sure Jones Gretzky said to herself before she bet on anything, "I know my husband and I are like royalty in Canada, and anything we do will be scrutinized heavily. But, what are the odds that I'll get caught placing bets on sports?"
That's probably when Phoenix Coyotes assistant coach and Wayne Gretzky's friend Rick Tocchet called with the answer, "Nine to one."
Gretzky Jones no doubt replied, "I'll take that action."
Seriously, though, it is amazing that professional athletes find themselves embroiled in such gambling scandals. In Gretzky's case, though, it's not his fault. Apparently, he didn't know his wife was a big-time gambler and his assistant coach and pal Tocchet was involved in a nationwide gambling ring involving a New Jersey state trooper, with connections to organized crime in Philadelphia and South Jersey. Talk about being out of the loop.
I guess The Great One was too involved in his coaching duties to notice his wife's sudden fanatical interest in the Pittsburgh Steelers winning the Super Bowl by more than four points. And, Gretzky missed another warning sign when Tocchet labeled a scouting report for an upcoming Coyotes' three-game road trip as a "three-team teaser."
Unlike other famous gamblers, like Pete Rose and Michael Jordan, Gretzky seems to be innocent of any wrongdoing. He simply did not know his wife's and Tocchet's involvement. Jones Gretzky and Tocchet let greed and selfishness blind the possibility that they could have seriously stained the legacy of the greatest hockey player of all-time.
Despite his innocence, the stigma of the situation will follow Gretzky forever. The lesson to other professional athletes should be this: if you're gambling on sports, stop. If you're even remotely connected in any way to anyone who is a sports gambler, have that person killed. No, just know who your friends are. Now, especially, the feds are on the prowl. Don't be surprised if more athletes are implicated in gambling operations.
So, Wayne Gretzky, keep a close eye on your wife. If you catch her on a golf course, standing over a putt with a nervous Michael Jordan looking on, then you might have another problem. If you find her filming a workout video with Richard Simmons called "Sweatin' to the Bookies," then she needs help. And the only help you can give her is a account on an offshore gambling website, preferably under an assumed name.
Howard from Winston-Salem, N.C. asks "What do you think of ESPN's Monday Night Football announcing team of Mike Tirico, Joe Theismann, and Tony Kornheiser?"
Me like. Personally, I would prefer Kornheiser and his Pardon the Interruption co-host Michael Wilbon calling the games, and if they work their "Good Cop, Bad Cop" schtick, then that's even better. Throw in one of the clowns from Around the Horn on play-by-play, and you've got yourself an Emmy Award-winning announce team. That is, if Kornheiser was the only Emmy voter. That threesome could only be topped by grouping Kornheiser with Kenny Blankenship and Vic Romano from Spike TV's Most Extreme Elimination Challenge. Indeed, Tony!
Tirico is an extremely competent and knowledgeable play-by-play man, and Theismann gives the team an ex-player with lots of insight and anecdotes. Kornheiser will bring journalistic integrity and a cohesive bond to the booth. Ah, who am I kidding? Kornheiser will just be funny. I can't wait for Tirico and Theismann to playfully chide Kornheiser on his sense of humor during the opening segment of the first Sunday's game. I'm sure Kornheiser will retort gleefully with, "Me so Korny!"
Honestly, do you remember laughing out loud at anything the previous ESPN team (Theismann, Mike Patrick, and Paul McGuire) ever said? If you did, you were probably laughing at them, and not with them. You never quite knew when McGuire was trying to be funny, or whether he was just plain wrong about a call. He always thought he was funny, though. Maybe that's why he doesn't have a job.
A lot of people may think Kornheiser will just be a joker and not offer anything substantial to the broadcast. I think we can expect him to tone his act down for the most part, and, when the time is right, he'll go into PTI mode and bring down the house. Tirico and Theismann will form a perfect balance to Kornheiser's musings, and the result should be pure entertainment. I can hear it now. Kornheiser cracks up Tirico and Theismann with a witty remark, then proclaims himself "too sexy for this announce team." If Kornheiser gets too full of himself, ESPN can bring him back down to earth with corrections from trusty PTI sidekick Stat Boy.
Kornheiser will face comparisons to former Monday Night Football motormouth Dennis Miller, whose brand of humor never sat well with most MNF viewers. Miller never bothered me — if he was talking, that meant Al Michaels and Dan Fouts weren't. Do you believe in miracles? Yesss! Kornheiser's brand of humor will appeal more to the sports fan because he, himself, is primarily a sports fan.
Miller always seemed like a political, historical, and cultural commentator thrust into a role as a sports announcer. Miller's strength is the monologue, not analysis of football. Kornheiser's chemistry with Wilbon is top-notch. I expect Kornheiser's repartee with Tirico and Theismann to be on par with that. And speaking of Wilbon, ESPN's halftime show could be Wilbon and Kornheiser reviewing the afternoon's games in 30-second snippets in PTI fashion.
So, Howard, I think ESPN's team in the booth will be informative and entertaining. "Dandy" Don Meredith would be proud of Kornheiser. And, if the Kornheiser deal doesn't work out, ESPN can always go to the bullpen and insert Jim Rome, Stuart Scott, or the Sklar twins of Cheap Seats fame.
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