NBA All-Star Weekend (P)review

Kobe, LeBron, Shaq, Yao, K.G., Steve Nash, and A.I. are getting together this weekend.

No, it's not for a chance to talk about advertising contracts, although with names like the Sprite Slam Dunk Competition, the RadioShack Shooting Stars Competition, and the PlayStation Skills Competition, the 2006 NBA All-Star Game (presented by Toyota) might as well be.

This year, it is not enough to read the morning newspaper, check out ESPN every night, and listen to every sports commentator chat on about who got snubbed and why.

No, this year I went straight to the source, NBA.com, to check out the coverage of the upcoming NBA All-Star Weekend.

What I found entertained me for hours on end (or, a couple minutes).

There were surprises from both past and present, and many reasons (if repetition is allowed) to look forward to NBA All-Star Weekend (presented by Toyota.)

I'm not going to harp on the event because it usually is entertaining in the way that the And 1 Mix Tape Tour should be — however, I will take you through my favorite parts of nba.com/allstar2006 (in no particular order):

1. The NASA-Inspired All-Star Mission Jacket

Just because the game is in Houston does not give the NBA the right to use and abuse space and NASA imagery at every turn at the complete expense (not dollars, although I'll get to that in a second) of creativity. From the boring commercial for the game (Houston, we have an All-Star Game) to the NASA-Inspired ($250) Jacket, the NBA is lacking a certain amount imagination when it comes to advertising. But that, sadly, is the least of their problems.

For one, this special ($250) jacket is only going to be available in Houston, at the NBA Store in New York, online at the NBA Store, and in any city sending an all-star to the game.

Secondly, the jacket is outrageously ugly. (Which should make those geographically or technologically unable to get one feel a lot better.)

Included in the multitude of information on the jacket is: patches from every All-Star Game the player was selected to, the players' name, the players' team, the teams' conference, the NBA logo, and the Reebok logo.

All that's missing is a section for the number of tattoos and horoscope sign.

2. The Continually-Uninspired Choices of Entertainment

Before this year started, I told myself I was going to count my blessings as long as the Earth, Wind, and Fire tour of American sporting events stopped.

That sentiment, unfortunately, was a little premature after checking out the entertainment lineup for the All-Star Weekend.

Picking the entertainment for one of these events is an intensive process. If, by chance, I were given the keys to the magical Entertainment Picking and Choosing Committee, it would be easy for me to sit there and pick Lou Reed, Stellastar, Neko Case, and the Pixies to sing at halftime.

But that's just me.

While understanding the incredible amount of stress that goes into planning these things, I was a little concerned with some of the final choices.

(Ticket availability for Bow Wow's appearance on Thursday was not one them, although if you are wondering about tickets, check out nba.com/allstar2006 to grab your VIP passes.)

No, I was more concerned that Destiny's Child might become the official performing artist for the NBA All-Star Game.

I know, you'd say ... "It's their final performance, and they're singing the National Anthem, it's not even like they're singing one of their own songs."

Yes, but the Rolling Stones were the halftime entertainment for the Super Bowl this year. Bands don't quit. It's the Rolling Stones theorem, backed by the KISS corollary, certified by the Eagles addendum.

I know, you'd say ... "Yes, but Destiny's Child isn't a real band."

And you would have a point there.

You'd continue ... "Plus, it's not like acts use an event like this to constantly bolster their career long after they should hang it up."

And I would retort ... Alec Baldwin, John Goodman, SNL.

You'd argue ... "But they can still be successful at it."

And I would think for a moment, then remembering something from a couple of weeks ago, say ... Steve Martin.

And I would win.

The argument would have to be over by that time anyway ... VIP Passes for Bow Wow are going fast.

3. "Celebrity Watch" Photos From 2005

Other than the Oscars, Grammys, the Super Bowl, March Madness, National Signing Day, Mike Tirico's Birthday, the World Series, the ESPY's, and the Stanley Cup, the NBA All-Star game is one of the biggest sporting events of the year.

It's events like these that turn into spectacles, driven by the media, players, owners, and fans.

You should have seen Tirico's 33rd ... wow.

For ratings, for money, and for fun, it's better if these events turn into gigantic spectacles, and nothing says spectacle like celebrities.

Lineup Sharon Stone, Jack Nicholson, Sarah Jessica Parker, a former governor, Bill Gates, Bono, Samuel L. Jackson, 50 Cent, Madonna, and Tom Brady (supposedly he's doing the tip-off, next month is the first pitch for MLB) and you have a spectacle that people are going to want to watch.

The NBA, being the smart, experienced people they are, created a section on their website called "Celebrity Watch" so that people can go online and see all of the cool famous people that attended the game.

On page one of the 2005 Section of "People Watch," you will find a picture of Mark McGrath (Sugar Ray) and Roger Lodge (Blind Date). In a rare moment of brilliance that catches something completely unique and magical, we have the photographic equivalent to a Googlewhack.

Looking at the photo, one has to wonder who's more embarrassed to be taking the picture.

One also has to wonder if McGrath is just counting the seconds until he can ask Lodge for the numbers of some of the girls off his show.

This photo made me sit back and think. First, what the heck is the NBA thinking and who exactly considers these people celebrities? And second, that there should be a caption contest involving photos such as this one.

Send out someone during the NBA Weekend, to all the clubs, bars, restaurants, and to the game to capture the bizarre combinations of people that hang out.

Rachael Ray with "Macho Man" Randy Savage ... perfect.

John Baestow and Chuck Norris ... nice.

Tony Parker and Eva Longoria ... weird.

That guy from "The Soup" with the woman from "Survivor" ... deliciously ironic.

Then simply put the pictures up on the website and let fans write in with captions.

The winner gets to go to the next All-Star Game.

4. The 2005 All-Star Blog by Rob Peterson

I'll admit it in advance. It's not a fair comparison, but it has to be made.

Writing a minute-by-minute diary of the All-Star Game for the NBA to be posted on NBA.com has to kind of put a damper on any creative license a writer may have.

Peterson's blog was ... truthful, accurate, honest, and as far as I can tell (although I haven't checked this at all), delivered on time.

What the NBA, and its blog, needed was a little Paul Shirley, Sports Guy-esque humor.

While I am not saying that the Sports Guy is the end all or be all of sports columnists, but he has remained consistent, reliably funny, insightful, and original. It's hard to read a faux minute-by-minute diary of a game and not think of the writer that basically perfected the craft.

There's also a reason that I had not visited the NBA's website before today, yet visited ESPN.com everyday for the last 6 years.

Maybe that will all change now that I can order my NASA-Inspired NBA All-Star Mission Jacket online.