Sports Gospel Mailbag

Just for the record, before I delve into the mail, I want everyone to realize that I went 5-5 in my picks column last week. But, thanks to a New Jersey state trooper, I can't do anything about it, so the only thing I have is the satisfaction that Ric Tocchet owes me a lot of money...

I guess the real sad part about this is that Wayne Gretzky's wife can't be in the Hall of Fame now, er, or something like that. On a more serious note, I've been meaning to do a mailbag for a few weeks as there has been an abundance of great e-mail lately, but I couldn't let certain ESPN.com writers get away with bashing sports fans everywhere. Like always, I respond to each e-mail I get individually, but only the best make the mailbags. Without further ado, these are all actual reader responses.

Re: How to Fix the Lingerie Bowl


I love this forward thinking, another thing they should do is take it off Pay-Per-View and put it on ESPN, you have Chris Berman and Tony Kornheiser call the game, and you have the hot chick from Sunday Night Baseball in just her lingerie, then you are golden. - Kevin

I agree with taking it off of pay-per-view, but Berman and Kornheiser cannot call this game. I think it's only fitting that a guy like Al Michaels gets to call this, although I would love it if somehow Joe Buck could be tricked into doing the game without knowing what it actually was. What would he do? Would he live up to expectations and get incredibly incensed and then explode? Would he start acting completely out of character and go along with it and actually get behind the whole idea? Him exploding or giving ridiculous color analysis for the lingerie bowl are two scenarios I could definitely get behind.

Re: "Does God Hate the Colts?"


Mark, Shame on you for attempting to mock Jesus Christ. This can't be good for your career. - Tim

Tim, I'm not so sure, I pretty much solely rely on that deal I made with the devil as far as career advancement goes these days. Also, I never said Mike Vanderjagt's Lord was Jesus, it could be alcohol (if you ask Peyton Manning) or even Tom Arnold, and is anyone going to have a problem with me mocking Tom Arnold? Or maybe I was trying to mock Vanderjagt and his bringing God into it at all. This is the Sports Gospel, so you can interpret it any way you want (just know that your current way is wrong).

Re: "Irish on Road Back to Glory"


Mark,

I just read your story about Notre Dame and Ohio State. I am a huge ND fan. I just wanted to say thanks for knocking Musburger. He was pathetic. He also mentioned that Notre Dame is selling out seats at Notre Dame Stadium now. Its been years that a game has not been sold out. The Zbikowski boxing tangent got a little old too. He was very biased and it was very difficult to listen. ABC should be ashamed. Anyways, thanks for writing the article and GO IRISH!

Judd

Okay, this is here for one key reason — the whole Notre Dame is selling out seats now thing. That, frankly, is just blatantly incorrect. Judd is right, Notre Dame Stadium has been selling out for ages and it's nearly impossible to get a ticket without going through a scalper or another ticket broker. Way to do your homework, ABC. Still, it's okay if some facts are lost in the shuffle, after all, they needed to cover that Laura Quinn angle hardcore.

I just read it. I, too, am a die-hard Notre Dame fan (my basset hounds names are Brady and Quinn) and I want to tell you that you are ABSOLUTELY RIGHT-ON! From beating the Laura dates AJ drum to Brent Nosebugger being so ungodly biased against Notre Dame. You're also right about how it'll go down next year when we win the national championship.......the only thing they'll be able to come are the same "cat licker" jokes we've heard since First Communion. Me? I believe in the Father, the Son and Charlie Weis, Amen.

Lynn

It's nice to be at the front of the Notre Dame homer bandwagon, hopefully our recruitment numbers will be up next year. I'm sincerely hoping that the haters will come with something stronger than "cat licker" jokes, but I'm not holding out too much hope. Interesting thought on Charlie Weis being added to the Holy Trinity. That may pose a problem for some traditionalists, but if the Holy Spirit can do a better job on the field, I want to see it (it's fitting here to take a pre-emptive strike against more Tim-esque emails, I'm being sarcastic and I am not really calling out the Holy Spirit to join the college football coaching ranks).

Here we go...

Re- Anna Benson v PETA

I do not know you, but I am not quite sure why you, as a sports journalist, would defend Anna Benson's rant against PETA? Regardless of my personal opinion of Anna or PETA, I find her to be inarticulate and comical. Why take her seriously enough to write an entire column dedicated to one of her childish rants?

The woman is obviously stupid, why dedicate a column to her? There are so many beautiful wives in professional sports, why do you have to pick the trailer park trash to write about? You are adding fuel to her fire, and goodness, the world does not need to hear anymore of her opinions regardless of what they are.

You just lost a reader.
allyson

And what a great loss it is. Clearly, you are a longtime reader, which is why you waited a good month after that column was written to respond. Allyson, how is it that you, regardless of your personal opinion, can find Anna to be inarticulate and comical? Isn't that 100% your personal opinion?

And while you are leaving your opinion out of things, I love how you can claim that she is "obviously" stupid. I agree that there are many beautiful wives in pro sports, but Anna is one of them. Just look at all the great charity work she does (or just look at her FHM layout). The great line is when you drop the "why do you a have to pick the trailer park trash to write about?" When exactly did she live in a trailer park? Since when does being a stripper mean you are trailer park trash? Frankly, I'd add more fuel to her fire if I could, because she is flat-out entertaining to read and, believe it or not, makes pretty good sense most of the time.

"The world does not need to hear anymore of her opinions regardless of what they are." I'm sure you would feel the exact same way if she came out with some pro-PETA opinions. More importantly, I'm just glad the world finally has a spokesman.

As to why I would defend her rant against PETA, it's pretty simple (see Anna's letter or the last e-mail in this column). Of course, at the end of the day, it hurts to lose a reader, even if it is a PETA intern. That means I'm down to three.

I wanted to congratulate you on a great article concerning Anna Benson and PETA.

I am by no means a PETA supporter. I truly wish you had made light of the fact that PETA kills more animals than they put out for adoption. I read an article stating this a few months ago.

PETA is nothing but a bunch of hypocrites. I'd write to tell them so, but then I'd have to put down my bucket of KFC.

Thanks for the laugh!
JD

It's a shame that PETA kills more animals than they save, but remember, according to Anna, they are also killing themselves. Like she said, PETA is on crack and crack kills, so it's only a matter of time before they become a victim of their own killing-spree.

If anyone, Anna included, truly loved animals, they wouldn't wear them and/or let them suffer in factory farms for meat consumption...and hating PETA is no reason to go ahead and do the above and say you love animals...it just doesn't make sense....loving people doesn't mean we eat them or wear their skin for a coat.... - Red

Red, you have a very narrow definition of love. I suppose it doesn't make sense to you when I say I love the Internet, but I don't end up eating the Internet or wearing its skin for a coat (although I hope somewhere the wheels are in motion for this to happen). Sure, it's sad that animals suffer, but they are still animals. There is a reason a hamster doesn't drive me to the airport. You know whay? Because it's a hamster! I will start caring after all people are taken care of.

I have seen an increase in PETA bashing all over the net lately, and all I can say is.....it's about damn time! I really like your comments on PETA and I really love your revised acronym for what PETA should stand for. Before reading this, my favorite was People for the Eating of Tasty Animals. I am an active animal lover and rescuer myself on many levels and I too loathe the many injustices animals throughout the world face. But I still eat meat, use leather products, appreciate purebreds & go fishing.
Peta truly is one of our nations greatest threats, right up there with the ELF and ALF, which they openly support. Anna, you need to start an anti-Peta organization and I will be happy to serve on your board of directors! - Dan

I just wanted to show that some people had the ability to respond in a rational manner.

The next e-mail needs some context. The following is an exchange I had with a reader on one of the comment features of the column.

The poor dear is not only cruel, but dumb as a door nail. Poor nasty little fur whore. - "Greg"

Dear "Greg,"

Thanks for your insightful comments. Best of luck in your new position with PETA.

Regards,
Mark

Which of course led to the following e-mail:

Re: Anna "The Animal Murderer" Benson in a TKO against PETA?


If TKO stands for "Trapping, Killing Ogre." Well, at least an ogre only eats other humans. I'd pay good money to see an ogre eat Benson from furry head to toe. And I'll save Mark Chalifoux the inane post comment by saying, "Yes, I will enjoy my new position at PETA." I'll enjoy it as much as your new position in HELL.
-Tim

Tim, what happened to "Greg"? More importantly, what the hell are you talking about? Ogres only eat other humans? I can say I only know of one ogre (Shrek) and I don't remember him ever eating a human. Also, wouldn't it be better for someone to kill animals rather than humans? Let me illustrate.

Humans > Animals.

As far as you wanting to pay good money to see an ogre eat Benson from head to toe, well, I'm not here to judge you, but I'll do it anyway — you are a typical PETA supporter. Still, my favorite quote from this e-mail has to be the close:

"Yes, I will enjoy my new position at PETA. I'll enjoy it as much as your new position in HELL." Well played.

Finally, an e-mail from Brian to close the book on this topic.

Cows are skinned alive in slaughterhouses??? Probably only if PETA paid someone to do tranq one then skin it alive, so they can film it for their AR propaganda flicks.

Does anyone really realize how hard it would be to skin a cow that is alive? I dare anyone to go grab a hold of a cow and hang on to it for a minute. Most likely you would be in a coma after being stomped into a mud hole, just for holding onto it, rather than trying to skin it alive.

It wasn't really a surprise to those of us who monitor animal-rights extremist groups to see more and more Neo-Nazi type propaganda merging with PETA's hate campaigns, comparing cows, and chickens, to blacks and Jews. It has been known for quite a while that Neo-Nazi groups (The Green Wing of the Neo-Nazi's AKA followers of Hitler's Agricultural Minister, Walther Darr's "Blood and Soil Doctrine.") in Europe are openly recruiting animal-rights hate mongers into their lifestyle at animal-rights demonstrations. Below is a news article from the year 2000, noting that Neo-Nazi groups in England are recruiting at animal-rights extremist hate rallies.

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/main.jhtml?xml=/news/2000/09/03/neo03.xml

Undoubtedly that type of recruitment has now extended itself into U.S., and is starting to become more prevalent and open, with extremist animal-rights hate groups like PETA becoming more open with their hate campaigns comparing Jews and blacks to animals.

Maybe it isn't just a coincidence, that PETA campaigner Dawn Carr, who was in charge of the hate campaign comparing blacks to animals, moved to England for a few years, to promote hate and intolerance of others in that country, not long after her misdemeanor battery conviction against then Miss Rodeo America 2000, Brandy DeJongh.

One openly ponders if that PETA campaigner, brought back more than just a few postcards of Big Ben, some veggie-style "Biff Wellington" or has Swastika tats on her veggie frame these days.

But, hey, they'll dress one of their hate mongers in a chicken suit, or they'll get some celebrity simpleton to front for them, and the media will suck it up and try to make PETA out as just a bunch of "cutsie activists," instead of the virulent hate mongers they are.

If you want to help animals, contact your local humane society, volunteer, or join a reputable animal welfare organization. If you involve yourself with PETA's hate group, then don't expect any credibility when talking about animal welfare.

"If these animals do have the same right to be free from pain and suffering at our hands, then of course, we're going to be, as a movement, blowing stuff up and smashing windows... For the record I don't do this stuff, but I do advocate it... I think it's a great way to bring about animal liberation, and considering the level of the atrocity, and the level of the suffering, I think it would be a great thing if you know, all of these fast-food outlets, and these slaughterhouses, and these laboratories, and the banks that fund them exploded tomorrow, and I think it's perfectly appropriate for people to take bricks and toss them through the windows, and you know, everything else along the line... Hallelujah to the people who are willing to do it." - Bruce Friedrich, PETA's vegan campaign coordinator, "Animal Rights 2001" conference

If you say so.

The Sports Gospel According to Mark is sponsored by BetOnSports.com. BetOnSports.com gives you the greatest sports action to bet on. Wager on football, cricket, boxing, rugby, horse racing, and more. Mark Chalifoux is also a weekly columnist for SportsFan Magazine. His columns appear every Tuesday on Sports Central. You can e-mail Mark at [email protected].